Hoʻokahi alakaʻi i ka papa hana pilikino i hoʻopaʻa ʻia e pili ana i kanakolu makahiki o ka ʻike therapeutic o kahi mea kākau i hana pū me ka ʻoi aku ma mua o nā mea kūʻai pilikino 300.

Hoʻolaʻa wau i kēia puke i nā wahine a me nā kāne e ʻeha ʻia e nā manaʻo moeʻuhane, akā, ʻaʻole makemake e ola e like me nā gays a me nā mea e pono ai ka kōkua a me ke kākoʻo.

ʻO nā poina e poina ʻia, e kani mālie ana kona leo, a hiki ʻole ke loaʻa nā pane i loko o ko kākou kaiāulu, e ʻike ana i ka pono he hōʻoia kūʻokoʻa wale nō i nā lā ākea.

ʻO ka poʻe e hoʻokae ʻia inā manaʻo a manaʻo paha lākou he wahaheʻe kaumaha ka manaʻo o ka homosexuale ʻole a me ka hiki ʻole ke hoʻololi ʻia, ʻaʻole no lākou kēia.

Hōʻike

He alakaʻi kēia puke i ka lāʻau hoʻomākalakala, a i ʻole, self-therapy of homosexuality. Hoʻolālā ʻia ia no ka poʻe homosexual oriented e makemake e hoʻololi i kā lākou "mokuʻāina", akā ʻaʻohe o lākou manawa kūpono e hoʻopili aku ai i ka loea e hoʻomaopopo pono i ka nīnau. Aia he kakaikahi loa nā ʻano loea. ʻO ke kumu nui o kēia i loko o nā kulanui i kāpae ʻia a kāpae loa ʻia kēia kumuhana, a inā i ʻōlelo ʻia, a laila aia i loko o ke kumumanaʻo o ka ideology o ka "maʻamau": ʻo ka moekolohe ma kēia hihia he ʻano maʻamau wale nō ia o ka moekolohe. No laila, he kakaikahi loa nā kauka, psychologists a me nā therapist i ka honua i loaʻa ka ʻike maʻamau ma kēia wahi.

Hoʻonui ka hana kūʻokoʻa i kekahi ʻano o ka mālama kāne kāne; akā naʻe, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo hiki i ke kanaka ke hana holoʻokoʻa me ke kōkua ʻole o waho. ʻO kēlā me kēia kanaka e makemake e lanakila i nā pilikia o ka naʻau e pono i kahi alakaʻi a me ke kākoʻo e hiki ai iā lākou ke kamaʻilio ākea, hiki iā ia ke kōkua iā lākou e ʻike i nā mea nui o ko lākou ola naʻau a me nā kumu hoʻoikaika, a alakaʻi iā lākou i ka hakakā me lākou iho. ʻAʻole pono ia mea aʻo e lilo i mea lapaʻau ʻoihana, ʻoiai ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ia (inā loaʻa iā ia kahi ʻano maikaʻi e pili ana i ka moekolohe a me ka pono, a i ʻole ia e hana ʻoi aku ka pōʻino ma mua o ka maikaʻi). I kekahi mau hihia, hiki i kēia kauka ke hoʻokani e ke kauka a kahu hipa paha me kahi kaulike, psyche olakino a me ka hiki ke empathize. I ka loaʻa ʻole o ia mau mea, ua ʻōlelo ʻia he hoaaloha olakino noʻonoʻo a psychologically paha ma ke ʻano he alakaʻi.

E pili ana i nā mea i luna, ua manaʻo ʻia ka puke, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, no nā mea lapaʻau a me nā mea āpau e pili ana i nā homosexual e makemake ana e loli, no ka mea i mea e lilo ai i kumu aʻo, pono lākou i kahi ʻike kumu o ka moekolohe.

ʻO ka nānā ʻana i ka noʻonoʻo a me ka (self) therapy o ka male i ka pelekane i hāʻawi ʻia i ka mea heluhelu i kēia hana he mea i ʻoi aku ma mua o ke kanakolu makahiki o ka noiʻi a me ka mālama ʻana o nā mea ʻekolu haneli, nona wau i kamaʻilio pilikino i nā makahiki he nui, ʻo ia hoʻi kahi mau kamaʻāina me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. nā kānaka kūʻokoʻa (ʻelua "clinical" a "non-clinical", ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻōnaehana hoʻohuihui). E pili ana i ka hoʻokolohua noʻonoʻo, ka pilina ʻohana, ka pilina me nā mākua a me ka hana ʻana i ka nohona i ka wā kamaliʻi, ʻōlelo au e pili ana i ka ʻōlelo ʻana i ʻelua o kaʻu mau puke ma mua, ʻo The Origin and Treatment of Homosexuality, 1986, (i kākau ʻia no nā mea lapaʻau), e hoʻomohala i ka ʻike i kēia mau mea. Loaʻa i ka homosexuality a me ka Hope, 1985

E hoʻokō, a makemake paha e loli

I ka haʻalele ʻole o ka manaʻo paʻa paʻa ʻana paha, a i ʻole he "makemake maikaʻi," ʻaʻohe mea e loli. I ka nui o nā hihia, i ka hele ʻana o kēlā manaʻo like ʻole, e hoʻomaikaʻi nui ke kūlana, i kekahi mau hanana, ka loli kūloko o nā hanana naʻauao āpau e kū nei, i hele ʻia e ka hoʻololi o nā mea i makemake ʻia.

Akā ʻo wai iā ia, he makemake maikaʻi e hoʻololi? ʻO ka hapanui o nā homosexuals, me nā poʻe e hōʻike ākea iā lākou iho he "moekolohe," a he ʻiʻini ke ʻano maʻamau - ʻo ia wale nō ka mea pinepine pinepine ʻia e kaomi ʻia. Eia nō naʻe, kakaʻikahi maoli ka hoʻoikaika ʻana no ka loli me ke kūpaʻa a me ka hoʻomanawanui, ʻaʻole hana wale e like me ko lākou ʻano. ʻOiai ʻo ka poʻe i hoʻoholo e hakakā me kā lākou moekolohe, loaʻa pinepine i ka leʻaleʻa huna i ka hope o nā makemake homosexual seductive. No laila, no ka hapanui, mau ka nāwaliwali o ka makemake maikaʻi; i ka hoʻohui, ua hoʻowahāwahā nui ʻia e nā kāhea lehulehu e "ʻae i kou moekolohe ʻana."

No ka mālama i ka hoʻoholo ʻana, pono ia e hoʻomohala i loko o ʻoe iho i nā mea hoʻoikaika e like me:

• ka ʻike maka o ka male male he mea ʻano kūlohelohe;

• kani maikaʻi a me ka manaʻoʻiʻo haipule;

• i ka hihia o ka male - ka makemake e hoʻomaikaʻi i ka pilina male (kamaʻilio like, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe - he aha ka mea nui i ka male ma mua o ka moekolohe).

ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hoʻoikaika maʻamau ʻaʻole like ia me ka hae ponoʻī, ka inaina iā ʻoe iho, a i ʻole ka ʻaelike hopohopo ʻana me nā kānāwai pono ma nā kumu wale nō i kuhikuhi ʻia ai lākou e ka lehulehu a hoʻomana paha. Akā, ʻo ia hoʻi ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻano mālie a paʻa hoʻi e kūlike ʻole ka moekolohe me ke kūlana noʻonoʻo a me / a i ʻole ka maʻemaʻe o ka pono, me nā ʻano o ka lunamanaʻo a me ke kuleana i mua o ke Akua. No laila, no kahi hopena kūleʻa o ka hoʻōla, koi ʻia ka hoʻoikaika mau o ka hoʻoholo ponoʻī ʻana e hakakā me ka ʻaoʻao homosexual o ke ʻano o kekahi.

Nā hualoaʻa

Hoʻomaopopo loa ia ka hapanui o ka poʻe e ʻimi nei i ka hoʻōla mai ka moekolohe ʻana, a me nā poʻe hoihoi e makemake e ʻike i ka "pākēneka o nā kānaka i hoʻōla ʻia". Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole lawa nā helu helu maʻalahi e hōʻiliʻili i ka ʻike piha no ka hoʻoponopono kaulike. I koʻu ʻike, 10 a 15 pākēneka o ka poʻe e hoʻomaka i ka hoʻōla e hoʻokō i ka hoʻōla "radical" (30% hoʻokū i ka lāʻau i loko o kekahi mau mahina). ʻO kēia ke kumu ma hope o nā makahiki ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka hoʻōla, ʻaʻole hoʻi nā manaʻo homosexual iā lākou. ʻO ka hope loa, ʻo ke kolu a me nā pono nui no ka loli "radical" ke hana nei lākou i ke ala nui ma nā ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo a me ke oʻo ʻana. ʻO ka hiʻohiʻona hope loa he koʻikoʻi koʻikoʻi, no ka mea ʻo ka homosexuality ʻaʻole ia he "makemake", akā he hōʻike o kahi ʻano neurotic kikoʻī. ʻO kahi laʻana, ua ʻike maka wau i kekahi mau hihia o kahi loli pīhoihoi loa a piha hoʻi o nā makemake homosexual i heterosexual i nā mea maʻi me ka paranoia huna mua ʻia. ʻO kēia nā hihia o ka "substitusi hōʻailona" maoli e hāʻawi iā mākou i ka ʻike i loko o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻoi aku ka nui o ka moekolohe ma mua o kahi maʻi hana i ka wahi moekolohe.

ʻO ka hapa nui o nā mea e kipa mau nei i nā ʻōnaehana i kūkākūkā ʻia ai ka hoʻomaikaʻi maoli ʻana ma hope o kekahi mau (ma ke ʻano he ʻekolu a i ʻelima) mau makahiki o ka maʻi lapaʻau. ʻO ka moekolohe a me nā palalelo nāwaliwali e hoʻonalo a nalowale paha, hōʻike ʻia ka heterosexuality a hoʻonui ʻia paha, a hoʻemi ʻia ke kiʻekiʻe o ka neurotization. ʻO kekahi (akā naʻe, ʻaʻole), he mau manawa maʻamau i ka hakahaka (ma muli o ke kaumaha, no ka laʻana), a hoʻi lākou i kā lākou mau moeʻelemakule kahiko; aka, ke hoʻomau nei lākou i ka hakakā, ua hala koke nō ia.

A ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia kiʻi ma mua o ka mea e ʻimi nei nā mea hana manuahi e hōʻike mai iā mākou, ka mea e pale nei i ko lākou makemake i ka hoʻolaha ʻana i ka manaʻo o ka lawaiʻa i ka male. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka loaʻa ʻana o ka kūleʻa e like ʻaʻole e maʻalahi e like me ka mea hoʻohiki o kekahi mau ex-gay. ʻO ka mea mua, ʻo ke kaʻina o ka loli e hana ma lalo o ʻekolu a i ʻelima mau makahiki, ʻoiai ka holomua o ka holomua ʻana i kahi manawa pōkole. Eia kekahi, pono ia mau loli i ke ahonui, ka mākaukau e hoʻopiha ʻia me nā neʻe liʻiliʻi, nā lanakila liʻiliʻi i ka nohona o kēlā me kēia lā ʻaʻole ke kali e hoʻōla wikiwiki. ʻAʻole pōpō nā hopena o ke kaʻina hana i ka wā e ʻike ai mākou i kahi kanaka e hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻia (hoʻokaʻawale iā ia iho) i kahi hoʻokaʻina hou a hoʻonaʻauao hou ʻole o kāna ʻano ʻano pono ʻole a me ka hemahema. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e noʻonoʻo e pono ʻole ʻoe e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaka i ka hoʻōla ʻana inā ʻo kona hopena ke pau ʻole o ka nalowale loa o nā makemake āpau āpau. Ma kahi kūlike wale nō, hiki ke hoʻopōlohelohe wale paha i nā loiloi i kēia kaʻina: ua nalo loa ka kaʻe ʻana me ka wahine i nā hihia āpau, a hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hauʻoli a me ke olakino me kāna ʻano hou a ʻoiaʻiʻo, ke ʻano o ke ʻano ola. Ma waena o ka ho'ōla piha ʻana a ma ka lima ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi a me ka holomua iki wale nō (ma 20% o ka poʻe e hoʻomau i ka mālama ʻia) ke ʻano nui o nā loli maikaʻi. I kekahi mea, ʻo ka poʻe i hana i ka liʻiliʻi o ka holomua o kā lākou kūlana pono e hoʻokaʻawale loa i kā lākou mau pilina pilikino, i hiki ke manaʻo ʻia ke loaʻa i loko o ka noʻonoʻo pono a me ka ʻano o ke olakino olakino, e noʻonoʻo ana i ka maʻi maʻi maʻi AIDS. (ʻO ka ʻike e pili ana i nā maʻi hoʻoili ʻia a me nā pōpoki o nā kāne i nā kāne ma mua o ka ʻoluʻolu.

I ka pōkole, i ka hihia o ka moekolohe, ke hana nei mākou i ka mea like me nā neurose ʻē aʻe: phobias, obsessed, depression a anomalies moekolohe paha. ʻO ka mea kūpono loa ka hana i kekahi mea kūʻē i kēia, ʻoiai ka nui o ka lilo o ka ikehu a me ka haʻalele ʻana i nā leʻaleʻa a me nā illusion. ʻIke maoli ka nui o nā homosexuals i kēia, akā ma muli o ko lākou makemake ʻole e ʻike i ka mea maopopo, hoʻāʻo lākou e hōʻoia iā lākou iho he maʻamau kā lākou orientation a huhū loa ke alo i kahi hoʻoweliweli i kā lākou moemoeā a pakele paha mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Makemake lākou e hoʻonui i nā pilikia o ka mālama ʻana a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, noho makapō i nā pōmaikaʻi ʻoi aku ka hoʻololi liʻiliʻi loa no ka mea ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi. Akā hōʻole anei ka poʻe i ka therapy no rheumatoid arthritis a i ʻole ka maʻi ʻaʻai, ʻoiai ka hopena o kēia mau therapies ʻaʻole i alakaʻi i ka hōʻola holoʻokoʻa o nā ʻano maʻi āpau.

ʻO ka kūleʻa o ka hana ex-gay a me nā hopena hoʻokō hou aʻe

I ka ulu ʻana o ka hana aloha ex-gay, hiki i kekahi ke hālāwai me ka nui o ka poʻe i hoʻomaikaʻi nui i ko lākou kūlana a ola paha. Ma kā lākou hana, hoʻohana nā ʻāpana a me nā hui i kahi kāwili o ka psychology a me nā ʻōnaehana a me nā mea Kristiano, e nānā pono ana i ka pili o ka hakakā kūloko. Loaʻa i ka mea maʻi ka maikaʻi i ka hoʻōla, no ka mea, ʻo ka manaʻoʻiʻo i ka ʻōlelo unuhi ʻole a ke Akua, e hāʻawi iā ia i ka pono kūpono i ke ola, hoʻoikaika i kona makemake i ke kūʻē i ka ʻaoʻao o kona ʻano a me ka ʻimi ʻana no ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe. ʻOiai kekahi mau ʻano hoʻohālikelike, (no ka laʻana, i kekahi manawa ke manaʻo nei nui loa a makemake ʻia e "hōʻike" a makemake i kahi "hana mana"), he ʻano mea hiki iā mākou ke aʻo (akā naʻe, hiki ke aʻo ʻia kēia haʻawina ma ka hana pilikino) . ^ E Ha yM. O kaʻu olelo ʻo ka therapy of homosexual pono ke hana like pū me ka psychology, ka ʻuhane a me ka pono - i kahi mea i ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa o kekahi helu o nā neuroses ʻē aʻe. Ke noi nei i nā hana ʻuhane, aʻo ke kanaka e hoʻolohe i ka leo o ka lunamanaʻo, ka mea e haʻi iā ia e pili ana i ka launa ʻole o ka nohona kāne a me ka mokuʻāina o ka honua maoli i nā manaʻo a me ka hoʻomana haipule maoli. No ka nui o nā homosexuals e hoʻāʻo i kā lākou mea e hiki ai ke hoʻohui i ka irreconcilable a noʻonoʻo e hiki iā lākou ke lilo i poʻe manaʻoʻiʻo a alakaʻi i kahi nohona kāne male i ka manawa like. Maopopo ka hana a me ka hoʻopunipuni o ia mau moemoeā: hoʻopau lākou me ka hoʻi ʻana i kahi nohona kāne a me ka hoʻopoina o ka hoʻomana Kalikiano, a i ʻole - no ka lulling ʻana i ka lunamanaʻo - ka hana ʻana i kā lākou mana iho o ka hoʻomana Kalikiano e kūlike me ka moekolohe. No ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa o ka moekolohe, hiki ke loaʻa nā hopena maikaʻi loa ma ka hilinaʻi ʻana i ka hui pū ʻana o nā mea ʻuhane a me nā pono me nā hopena o ka psychology.

ʻAʻole wau makemake i kekahi e kiʻi i ka manaʻo e hoʻohaʻahaʻa wau i ka waiwai o nā hoʻokokoke a me nā ʻano hana e like me ka ʻike ʻana i kaʻu mau manaʻo e pili ana i ka moekolohe a me kāna lāʻau. Me he mea lā iaʻu ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mea like o nā theories a me nā therapies o kēia au ma mua o nā ʻokoʻa. Eia kekahi, pili kēia i ka manaʻo o ka moekolohe ma ke ʻano he pilikia o ka ʻike kāne - ke kaʻana like ʻia kēia e nā mea āpau. Eia kekahi, ʻokoʻa ka nui o nā ʻano hana therapeutic i ka hana ma mua o ka mea inā hoʻohālikelike ʻia nā puke. Hoʻohui maoli lākou i nā ʻano he nui. A mahalo nui wau i kaʻu mau hoa hana āpau e hana nei i kēia kahua, e hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻoponopono i nā mea pohihihi o ka moekolohe a kōkua i nā mea ʻehaʻeha e ʻike i ko lākou ʻano.

Eia kahi ʻāpono wau i ka mea, i koʻu manaʻo, ka hui maikaʻi loa o nā ʻepekema a me nā manaʻo kahi i hānau ʻia ai nā kākela ʻoi loa o ka lapaʻau ʻana pono. ʻO ka pololei o kā mākou ʻike a me nā hopena, e ʻike hohonu ai ko mākou mea kūʻai aku iā ia iho, a me kēia, ma ka hopena, e hoʻopili pololei i ka hiki iā ia ke hoʻomaikaʻi i kona kūlana.

1. He aha ka moekolohe

ʻO kahi hōʻike loiloi puʻupuʻu

I ka manawa e heluhelu ai ka mea heluhelu i kahi manaʻo i nā mea e hōʻike ʻia ma lalo nei, hōʻike mua mākou i nā hiʻohiʻonaʻokoʻa o kā mākou kūlana.

1. Hoʻokumu ʻia kā mākou ala i ka manaʻo o ke aloha pilikino ʻole, a noʻonoʻo mākou i kēia aloha ka mea mua a me ka mea nui o ka moekolohe. ʻAʻole koho ka homosexual i ke aloha ponoʻī, inā wau e ʻōlelo pēlā, aia nō iā ia iho, e hana ana a hoʻoikaika i kāna ʻano "masochistic". ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ka hoihoi i ka moekolohe, a me nā manaʻo o ke kāne me ka haʻahaʻa, i loko o lākou iho kahi hiʻohiʻona o kēia minamina pilikino. Kūlike kēia hoʻomaopopo me ka manaʻo a me nā mea i ʻike ʻia o Alfred Adler (1930, ka hoʻoliʻiliʻi inferiority a me ka makemake no ka uku e like me ka reparation o ka haʻahaʻa i wehewehe ʻia), the Austro-American psychoanalyst Edmund Bergler (1957, homosexuality is consider as "mental masochism") and the Dutch psychiatrist Johan Arndt (1961, the concept is presented minamina pilikino koʻikoʻi).

2. Ma muli o ke kū ʻana o kahi ʻano haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa kāne, noho ka homosexual ma ke ʻano he "keiki", "ʻōpio" - ʻike ʻia kēia hanana he pēpē. Ua pili kēia manaʻo Freudian i ka homosexualed e Wilhelm Steckel (1922), i kūlike i ka manaʻo hou o ke "keiki o loko mai ka wā kahiko" (psychiatrist keiki ʻAmelika ʻo Missldine, 1963, Harris, 1973, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe).

3. ʻO kekahi ʻano mākua a i ʻole ka pilina ma waena o ke keiki a me ka makua hiki ke hoʻokau i kahi predisposition i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi ʻenekia hoʻohaʻahaʻa homosexual; akā naʻe, ʻo ka ʻae ʻole ʻia i kahi hui o nā kāne o ka like kāne ka mea i ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ke kumu o ka predisposition. Hoʻoemi ka psychoanalysis kuʻuna i kekahi haunaele i ka ulu ʻana o ka naʻau a me ka neurosis i kahi pilina hoʻohaunaele ma waena o ke keiki a me kahi makua. Me ka hōʻole ʻole i ka koʻikoʻi nui o ka pilina ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki, ʻike mākou, eia naʻe, ʻo ka mea hoʻoholo hope loa ka manaʻo kāne kāne o ka ʻōpio i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana me kāna mau hoa o ka like wahine. I kēia, hui pū mākou me nā lunamakaʻāinana o neo-psychoanalysis, e like me Karen Hival (1950) a me Johan Arndt (1961), a me nā theorist manaʻo iā ʻoe iho, no ka laʻana, Karl Rogers (1951) a me nā mea ʻē aʻe.

4. ʻO ka makaʻu i nā lālā o ka wahine ʻē aʻe pinepine (psychoanalysts Ferenczi, 1914, 1950; Fenichel 1945), ʻaʻole naʻe ke kumu nui o nā kuko homosexual. Akā, ʻōlelo kēia makaʻu e pili ana i nā ʻōuli o ke ʻano haʻahaʻa o ke kāne, a ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki ke hoʻonāukiuki ʻia e nā lālā o ka wahine ʻē aʻe, ka manaʻo o ka moekolohe ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hui.

5. ʻO ka ukali ʻana i nā kuko homosexual e alakaʻi i ka hoʻāo wahine ʻO ka poʻe e ukali i kēia ala ke kū nei i nā pilikia ʻelua: kahi paʻakikī o ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa kāne kāne a me ke kūʻokoʻa moekolohe kūʻokoʻa (kahi e like me ke kūlana o kahi neurotic i loaʻa nā pilikia me ka waiʻona). Ua kākau ka psychiatrist ʻAmelika ʻo Lawrence J. Hatterer (1980) e pili ana i kēia maʻi ʻelua ʻoluʻolu.

6. I ka (self-) therapy, hiki i ka hiki ke hana leʻaleʻa iā ia iho ke hana i kahi kuleana kūikawā. Ma ke kumuhana o ka hoʻohenehene iā ia iho, ua kākau ʻo Adler, ma "hyperdramatization" - Arndt, nā manaʻo o ka therapist behavioral Stample (1967) e pili ana i ka "implosion" a me ka psychiatrist Austrian ʻo Viktor Frankl (1975) e pili ana i ka "manaʻo paradoxical" i ʻike ʻia.

7. A ʻo ka mea hope loa, mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana o nā mea hoihoi i nā kāne a me ka "egophilia" o ke ʻano makua ʻole (ua hoʻokumu ʻia kēia huaʻōlelo e Murray, 1953) ka hiki ke aloha aku iā haʻi.

Hoʻomaka

ʻIke nō, ʻo ka hapa nui o ka poʻe e manaʻoʻiʻo nei i ka moekolohe, ʻo ia hoʻi, ka moekolohe i nā lālā o ke kāne like, i hui pū ʻia me kahi nāwaliwali nui o ka hoʻokipa heterosexual. ʻLelo wau "mau" no ka mea i hala koke aku nei ua alo mākou i ka hoʻolaha hoʻolaha o ka "maʻamau" mai nā ideologue naʻaupō a me nā ʻaoʻao mai ka politika a me ka pōʻaiapili e noho aliʻi i ka pāpāho, politika a me kahi ʻāpana nui o ka honua aʻo. ʻAʻole like me ka elite kaiaulu, ʻaʻole i nalowale ka hapanui o nā makaʻāinana i ko lākou manaʻo maʻamau, ʻoiai lākou e koi ʻia e ʻae i nā hana kaiaulu i hāʻawi ʻia e nā homosexual emansipated me kā lākou kumumanaʻo o nā "kuleana kaulike". ʻAʻole hiki i ka poʻe maʻamau ke ʻike akā he hewa kekahi mea me kēlā poʻe, he kāne a wahine hoʻi i ka physiologically, ʻaʻole hoihoi i nā mea kūlohelohe o ke ʻano moekolohe. I ka nīnau huikau o ka hapa nui, pehea e hiki ai i ka "poʻe aʻo" ke manaʻoʻiʻo he maʻamau ka homosexuality, malia paha ʻo ka pane maikaʻi ʻo ia ka ʻōlelo a George Orwell e pili ana he mau mea i ka honua "naʻaupō i hiki i ka poʻe akeakamai ke manaʻoʻiʻo ʻole. i loko o lākou. " ʻAʻole kēia mea hou: he nui nā ʻepekema kaulana i Kelemania i nā makahiki 30 i hoʻomaka e "manaʻoʻiʻo" i ka "pololei" ideology lāhui. ʻO ka manaʻo Herd, nāwaliwali, a me ka makemake nui e "komo" e kaumaha lākou i ka hoʻokolokolo kūʻokoʻa.

Inā pōloli ke kanaka, akā i ka pae o nā manaʻo me ka weliweli e hōʻole i ka meaʻai, ʻōlelo mākou ua ʻeha ʻo ia i kahi maʻi - anorexia. Inā ʻaʻohe mea e aloha i ke alo o ka poʻe e ʻehaʻeha nei, a i ʻole, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, leʻaleʻa iā ia, akā i ka manawa like e lilo i sentimental i ka ʻike ʻia ʻana o kahi keiki i haʻalele ʻia, ʻike mākou i kēia he ʻano maʻi, psychopathy. Etc. Eia nō naʻe, inā ʻaʻole e hoʻonāukiuki ʻia kahi makua e nā lālā o ka wahine ʻē aʻe, a i ka manawa like e ʻimi nui ai i nā hoa o ka moekolohe like, ʻo ia ʻano hana hewa i ke ʻano moekolohe i manaʻo ʻia he "olakino." Maliʻa paha he maʻamau ka pedophilia, e like me ka hoʻolaha ʻana o kāna mau mea kākoʻo? A me ka exhibism? ʻO Gerontophilia (ʻumeʻume i ka ʻelemakule i ka loaʻa ʻole o ka heterosexual maʻamau), ka fetishism (ka hoʻāla ʻana i ka wahine mai ka ʻike ʻana i nā kāmaʻa o ka wahine me ka nānā ʻole i ke kino wahine), voyeurism? E haʻalele wau i nā mea ʻano ʻē aʻe akā pōmaikaʻi ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o nā kahamaha maʻamau.

Hoʻāʻo nā homosexual militant e paʻi i ka manaʻo o kā lākou maʻamau ma ke kū ʻana ma ke ʻano he poʻe i hōʻino ʻia, e hoʻopiʻi ana i nā manaʻo o ke aloha, ka hoʻopono a me kahi ʻano e hoʻomalu i nā mea nāwaliwali, ma kahi o ka hōʻoia ʻana me nā hōʻike kūpono. Hōʻike kēia i ko lākou ʻike i ka nāwaliwali kūpono o ko lākou kūlana, a hoʻāʻo lākou e uku no kēia me ka makemake nui, e haʻi ana i ka naʻau. ʻAneʻane hiki ʻole ke kūkākūkā maoli me kēia ʻano o nā kānaka, no ka mea hōʻole lākou i ka helu me nā manaʻo i kūlike ʻole me ko lākou manaʻo o ka maʻamau. Eia naʻe, ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei paha lākou i kēia i ka hohonu o ko lākou puʻuwai?

Hiki i nā "mea hakakā" ke kūleʻa i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i martyrdom no lākou iho - no ka laʻana, manaʻoʻiʻo ko lākou mau makuahine i kēia. I kekahi kūlanakauhale Kelemania, ua ʻike au i kahi hui o nā mākua kāne homosexual i hui pū ʻia e pale aku i nā "kuleana" o kā lāua keikikāne. ʻAʻole lākou i hōʻemi iki i kā lākou noʻonoʻo noʻonoʻo ʻole ma mua o kā lākou keiki kāne. Ua hana kekahi mau makuahine me he mea lā ke komo hewa nei kekahi i ke ola o kā lākou keiki aloha, ʻoiai he mea nui ia e ʻike ai i ka moekolohe ma ke ʻano he kūlana neurotic.

ʻO ke kuleana o nā pōkole

Ke hōʻike nei ke kanaka iā ia iho ma ke ʻano he ʻelele o kahi ʻano kanaka kūikawā ("He kāne wau," "He kāne wau," "He lesbian wau"), komo ʻo ia i kahi ala pōʻino mai ka manaʻo noʻonoʻo - me he mea lā ʻokoʻa loa mai ka heterosexuals. ʻAe, ma hope o nā makahiki o ka hakakā a me ka hopohopo, hiki i kēia ke hōʻoluʻolu, akā i ka manawa like he ala ia e hiki ai i ka lanakila. ʻO ke kanaka i ʻike ʻia he kāne kāne ke lawe i ke kuleana o kahi kanaka ʻē. ʻO kēia ke kuleana o ka meʻe pōʻino. ʻO ka loiloi ponoʻī noʻonoʻo a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo he ʻokoʻa loa ia: "Loaʻa iaʻu kēia mau moemoeā a me nā makemake, akā hōʻole wau e ʻae ʻo wau he "gay" a hana e like me ia.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, uku ka hana i nā dividends: kōkua ia e manaʻo iā ʻoe iho i waena o nā mea moekolohe ʻē aʻe, hoʻomaha manawa iki i ka haunaele e kū mai ana mai ka pono e pale aku i nā mea hoʻokipa kāne, hāʻawi i ka ʻoluʻolu o ka naʻau mai ka manaʻo e like me ke koa nui i hoʻomaopopo ʻole ʻia o kahi pōpilikia (no ka ʻike ʻole ʻole. a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, lawe mai ia i ka leʻaleʻa mai nā huakaʻi moekolohe. ʻO kekahi wahine wahine ma mua, e hoʻomanaʻo ana i kona loaʻa ʻana o ka subcultural lesbi, ʻōlelo ʻo ia: “Me he mea lā ua hoʻi wau i ka home. Ua loaʻa iaʻu kaʻu pūʻulu hoa (e hoʻomanaʻo i ka hana keikikāne o kahi homosexual mai ka manaʻo e like me ka mea ʻē.) Ke nānā nei i hope, ʻike wau i ka pōʻino o mākou - kahi hui o ka poʻe i hoʻomaʻa ʻole i ke ola, ka mea i loaʻa hope loa ko lākou niche i kēia ola "(Howard 1991, 117).

Eia nō naʻe, ua iho i lalo ka hapaina. Ma kēia alahele, ʻaʻole loa e hoʻokō ka hauʻoli maoli ʻole, ʻaʻole i loko o ka maluhia o loko. ʻO ka hopohopo a me ke ʻano o ka pau ʻole i loko e hoʻonui wale ia. A e pili ana i ka hoʻokele a me ka hoʻomau i nā kāhea ʻana o ka naʻau? A no ka mea, ua kamaʻāina kekahi kanaka iā ia iho me "I" wahaheʻe, ke komo ʻana i kahi "ʻano ola." ʻO ka moeʻuhane pōkaʻi i ka manawa i lilo i mea pōʻino weliweli: "ʻo ka moeʻāina" ʻo ia ka mea e ola ana i kahi ola hoʻopunipuni, kahi mamao loa i kou ʻano maoli.

Paipai nui ka ʻōleʻa i ka maʻi kanaka i ka wehewehe ʻana iā lākou iho ma o ka pilikino, e ʻōlelo ana he "pono" kanaka. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole palupalu ka makemake o ka mea pelekane a lilo i ka loli mau loa (a inā paha). ʻO nā manawa o ka hana homosexual drive me alternate me nā manawa o nā hola heterosexuality a keu paha. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo nā mea'ōpiopio a me nā poʻe ʻōpio ʻaʻole i ulu i kahi "kiʻi pelekane," hoʻopakele iā lākou iho ma kēia ala mai ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka ʻōpiopio. Ma kēlā ʻaoʻao, e hoʻoikaika pono ka inoa ponoʻī i nā ʻano homosolo, ʻoi loa ia i ka wā mua, i ka wā e pono ai ke kanaka e hoʻomohala i kāna ʻāpana heterosexual. Pono kākou e hoʻomaopopo e pili ana i ka hapalua o nā kāne nane ke manaʻo i ka bisexual, a i waena o nā lesbians ua kiʻekiʻe aʻe kēia kiʻekiʻe pakeneka.

2. Nā kumu o ka moekolohe

Pili pili ka homosexuality i ka genes a me ke ʻano kūikawā o ka lolo?

ʻAʻole hoʻokomo ʻia ka huaʻōlelo "hormones" i loko o ke poʻo inoa o kēia paukū, no ka mea, ua haʻalele ʻia nā hoʻāʻo e ʻimi i ke kumu hormonal o ka homosexual (ʻaʻole lākou i hāʻawi i kahi hopena - koe wale nō ka mea noiʻi Kelemania East East Dorner i loaʻa kahi pilina i loko o nāʻiole, akā pili iki kēia i ka moekolohe kanaka, a ʻaʻole pololei nā hoʻokolohua iā lākou iho. ʻAʻohe kumu no ka hoʻomau ʻana e kākoʻo i ke kuanaʻike hormonal.

Eia nō naʻe, pono mākou e hoʻomaopopo i nā poʻe loiloi i hoʻokaʻawale i nā makahiki he mau makahiki e hopu ʻia i kekahi manawa no ka hoʻāʻo ʻana i ka manaʻo o ka hormonal, akā naʻe naʻe ʻaʻole ia. Ua hoʻāʻo lākou e hāʻawi i ka manaʻo "ua hōʻike ʻo ʻepekema" i ka maʻamau o ka pelekane o ka wahine male, a ʻo ka poʻe i hōʻaʻole ʻole i kēia manaʻo e hilinaʻi nei i nā mau manaʻo ʻole.

I kēia lā, ua loli iki kahi mea liʻiliʻi; i like nō paha kekahi mau noiʻi hopohopo nui loa i loko o ka wahine o nā kāne he mea i make i ka moe, a he manaʻo paha e pili ana i nā kromosome a me ke ʻano o nā kāne, i kēia manawa ʻo ia ka "hōʻike ʻepekema."

Akā inā i ʻike ʻia kekahi kumu olaola e pili pono ana i ka moekolohe, a laila ʻaʻole hiki ke lilo i mea hoʻopaʻapaʻa e pili ana i ka maʻamau o kēia hoʻonohonoho. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, ʻaʻole pono kekahi hiʻohiʻona biology ke kumu o ka moekolohe; me ka kūleʻa like hiki ke lilo i hopena. Akā nō naʻe, ʻoi aku ka nui o ke alo o ia ʻano mai ka sphere o ka moemoeā ma mua o nā mea maoli. I kēia lā maopopo leʻa ʻaʻole pili nā kumu ma aneʻi i ka physiology a i ʻole biology.

I kēia manawa, ua paʻi ʻia nā noiʻi ʻelua i ʻōlelo ʻia i ke ola o kahi "koi ʻāina hoʻoilina". Ua hōʻike ʻo Hamer et al. (1993) i kahi hiʻohiʻona o nā kāne i hana i nā kāne male wahine. Loaʻa iā ia ma 2 / 3 o lākou nā hōʻailona o ka like o kahi ʻāpana liʻiliʻi o ka chromosome X (hoʻoilina mai ka makuahine).

ʻIke anei kēia i ka Gen no ka male? ʻAʻohe ala! Wahi a ka manaʻo ākea o nā geneticists, ma mua o ka hiki ke hoʻākāka pono i ka hoʻākāka pono ʻana o ka hopena. Nā like "ʻike" i ka ulu no ka schizophrenia, ka maʻi manic-depressive psychism, ka ʻalike a me nā hewa (!) Nūmū malū a me ka maluhia no ka hemahema o nā hōʻike ma hope.

Hoʻohui ʻia, he hōʻike ʻole kā Hamer hoʻopaʻa haʻawina: pili ia i kahi ʻāpana liʻiliʻi o ka male kāne o nā homosexuals, nona nā kaikuaʻana he homosexuals (ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ma mua o 10% o nā homosexual āpau), a ʻaʻole i hōʻoia piha ʻia, akā i 2/3 wale nō, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole. ma mua o 6% o nā homosexual āpau. "ʻAʻole hou", no ka mea, ʻo nā homosexual hāmama wale nō i loaʻa he mau kaikuaʻana homosexual ka mea i koho ʻia i loko o ka hui aʻo (ʻoiai ua hōʻiliʻili wale ʻia ma o nā hoʻolaha i nā hoʻolaha pro-homosexual).

Inā e hoʻokūpaʻa ʻia kēia noi ʻana, ʻaʻole ia e hōʻoia i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi kumu kumu no ka moekolohe. Ke hōʻike kokoke ʻana e hōʻike ana hiki i kahi ʻāpana ke hoʻohuli i kekahi mau ʻano, e laʻa me ke ʻano o ke ʻano o ke kino me ka makuahine, ʻano, a i ʻole, no ka laʻana, kahi ʻano hopohopo, a pēlā aku. hānai ʻia nā keikikāne me nā ʻano i loko o kahi wahi kāne liʻiliʻi, a i ʻole nā ​​keikikāne me ia ʻano kolohe i ka hana pono ʻole i loko o kahi hui like o ke kāne like (inā he laʻana, ua pili ka ʻaoʻao me ka makaʻu). No laila, ʻaʻole hiki i ka gen iho ke hoʻoholo. ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻopili ʻia me ka moekolohe e like me ia, no ka mea ʻo ka homosexuals (a i ʻole ka helu liʻiliʻi o lākou me kēia gen) e loaʻa i kahi ʻano hormonal a me / a i ʻole nā ​​lolo i ʻike ʻole ʻia.

Ua hāpai aʻe ʻo William Byne (1994) i kekahi nīnau hoihoi hou aʻe. ʻO ka like ma waena o nā keikikāne homosexual a me ko lākou mau makuahine i ke kaʻina mole o ka chromosome X i hoʻopaʻa ʻia, ua kākau ʻo ia, ʻaʻole hōʻike i ka ʻāpana like i like no kēia mau kāne āpau, no ka mea ʻaʻole i hōʻike ʻia ka mea like i mālama ʻia ma nā hihia āpau. kaʻina moleʻale. (Ua like ke kala o ka maka o kekahi mau kaikaina me ko lākou makuahine; ua like kekahi me ko lākou ihu, a pēlā aku.)

No laila, ua kūpono nā ola o ka homosexuality no nā kumu ʻelua: 1) i nā ʻohana o nā kāne pelekane, ʻaʻole i ʻike ʻia ka moʻomeheu Mendel; ʻO 2) nā hopena o ka loiloi o nā māhoe i kūlike me ka manaʻo o ke kaiapuni o waho ma mua o nā wehewehe genetic.

E wehewehe mākou i ka lua. Ua ʻike ʻia nā mea hoihoi i aneʻi. I ka makahiki 1952, ua hōʻike ʻo Kallmann, e like me kāna noiʻi, 100% o nā māhoe like, a he homosexual kekahi o lākou, a ʻo kāna kaikaina māhoe hoʻi he kāne kāne. I nā māhoe fraternal, he 11% wale nō o nā kaikaina he kāne a ʻelua. Akā, e like me ka mea i hala ma hope, ua lilo ka noiʻi a Kallmann i mea kolohe a hōʻike ʻole ʻia, a ua ʻike koke ʻia he nui nā heterosexual i waena o nā māhoe like. ʻO kahi laʻana, ua loaʻa ʻo Bailey lāua ʻo Pillard (1991) i ka 52% o nā māhoe kāne like a me 22% o nā māhoe fraternal, ʻoiai ua loaʻa nā kaikuaʻana homosexual i 9% o nā homosexual non-twins, a ʻo 11% he mau kaikuaʻana homosexual! I kēia hihia, ʻo ka mea mua, ʻo ke kumu genetic e pili ana i ka moekolohe hiki ke hoʻoholo wale ʻia i ka hapalua o nā hihia, no laila ʻaʻole paʻakikī kēia kumu. ʻO ka lua: nā ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā māhoe fraternal, ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, a me nā homosexuals a me ko lākou mau kaikunāne (me nā mea hānai), ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe (22%, 9% a me 11% e like me nā hoahānau ʻē aʻe. No laila, ʻaʻole e ʻimi ʻia ka wehewehe no ka pili i ʻike ʻia ma nā genetics, akā i ka psychology.

Aia kekahi mau mea ʻē aʻe, no ka laʻana, ua hōʻike kekahi mau haʻawina i kahi haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa ma nā māhoe like, a me nā loiloi o ka nui o nā haʻawina ʻaʻole kūleʻa o ka heluna kikoʻī āpau.

Akā no ke aʻo ʻana iā Hamer: he manawa nui loa ia e kiʻi i nā hopena mai iā ia e pili ana i ka neʻe ʻana o ke ʻano genetic, no ka mea, ma waena o nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole maopopo mākou inā e pili ana kēia ʻano henoporika a he foroseose homosexual me i ka lāhui heterosexual. Ka mea ʻike ʻia e ka Rish kahi i ʻike ʻia ai no ka ʻimi ʻana. Wahi a Rish, ʻaʻole i hāʻawi ʻia nā hopena helu waiwai a Hamer e huki i nā manaʻo e hoʻopiʻi ʻia e Hamer (Rish et al. 1993).

ʻOiai ʻoiai ʻo Hamer i ʻōlelo ai i kāna noiʻi "hōʻike" i ke ʻano hanana, akā ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia i ka "makemake o nā kumu waho" o ka male malexose (Hamer et al. 1993). ʻO ka pilikia ʻo ia kahi "hoʻopiʻi ʻia" ʻo ia ka mea i hōʻike ʻia e like me ka hoʻāʻo ʻana.

Ma 1991, ua hōʻike ʻia kekahi mea noiʻi, ʻo LeVey, i ka ʻatikala Science ʻo ke kikowaena o kekahi wahi lolo ʻokoʻa (anterior hypothalamus) o kekahi mau kāne pelekikena AIDS he liʻiliʻi ma mua o ke kikowaena o ka ʻaoʻao o ka lolo like o ka poʻe i make mai ka maʻi heterosexual like. I ka honua ʻepekema, hoʻomaka maoli nā kuhi e pili ana i ka neurological basis o ka homosexuality.

Akā hewa e noʻonoʻo pēlā: ʻo ka nui o nā homosexuals a me nā lunamakaʻāinana o ka pūʻulu kaohi i like ka nui o kēia wahi, no laila ʻaʻole kēia kumu ke kumu o ka moekolohe.

Eia hou, ke manaʻo nei ʻo LeVey e pili kēia wahi o ka lolo i ka moeʻuhane; ua ʻōlelo ʻia no kona ʻano hoʻokolohua hoʻomaʻamaʻa (Byne and Parsons, 1993).

Eia kekahi. Ua hoʻomalu ʻo LeVey i kekahi mau homosexuals ma muli o ka nui o nā pathology i ko lākou lolo: ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻike ʻia ʻo AIDS e hoʻololi i ka anatomy lolo a me ka hanana DNA. I kēia manawa, ʻo Byne lāua ʻo Parsons, i kā lāua noiʻi akahele ʻana i ka moekolohe a me nā mea "biolo", e hoʻomaopopo he ʻokoʻa nā moʻolelo olakino o nā homosexuals me ka maʻi AIDS mai nā mea hoʻowalewale lāʻau heterosexual, ka mea, ma ka awelika, make wikiwiki ma mua o nā homosexual i hoʻopili ʻia a ʻoi aku ka mālama ʻia no nā maʻi ʻē aʻe. - i mea e pili ai ka ʻokoʻa o ka nui o kēia wahi o ka lolo me nā ʻano lawelawe like ʻole i nā hui hoʻokolohua a me nā pūʻali. (Mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua hoʻololi ʻo HIV i ka hanana o DNA, ma ke ala, e ukali ana ma kā Hamer hoʻopaʻa haʻawina hiki ke wehewehe wehewehe ʻē aʻe, e hoʻopili ana i nā hiʻohiʻona o nā genes me ka hana o ka maʻi maʻi).

Akā e noʻonoʻo i kekahi mau ʻāpana o ka lolo o nā homosexuals aia nō kekahi ʻano ʻē. Pono mākou e noʻonoʻo aia i ka lolo o nā homosexuals-pedophiles kekahi mau "wahi ponoʻī"? He aha e pili ana i nā heterosexual pedophiles, masochists a me nā sadist o nā ʻano ʻokoʻa, nā mea hōʻike, nā voyeurs, nā homosexuals a me nā fetishist heterosexual, transvestites, transsexuals, zoophiles, a pēlā aku.

ʻO ka hōʻole ʻole o ka manaʻo o ka genetite o ka hoʻomakaʻana o ka hana moe a ua hōʻoia ʻia e ka noiʻi pili ʻana. Ua ʻike ʻia, no ka laʻana, aia i ka poʻe me ka seta hewa o nā chromosome, ko lākou pili ʻana i ke ʻano moeʻuhane pili i ka moekolohe a lākou e ulu mai ai. A pehea pehea ka hiki ʻole o ka reoriition o kahi hānai wahine, i hōʻoia pinepine ʻia i ka psychotherapy, kūpono pū me ke ʻano genetic?

ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke kāpae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua hoʻololi ʻia kekahi ʻano o ka lolo ma ke ʻano he hopena. No ke aha, e LeVey, ka mea i ʻōlelo mua ʻaʻole pololei kāna mau hopena "ʻaʻole ʻae i nā kahakaha ʻana," ma kahi ʻē aʻe i kāna ʻatikala i kākau hou ai "lawe lākou" i kumu kumuola no ka homosexual (a ma ke ʻano maʻamau, ua kiʻi koke ʻia kēia "manaʻo" e ka pāpāho pro-homosexual )? ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo LeVey kahi homosexual hāmama. ʻO ke kumumanaʻo o kēia mau "mea pale" e hana i ka manaʻo "he mau kumu olaola, koe wale nō ʻaʻole mākou i hoʻokumu pono iā lākou - akā aia nō nā hōʻailona hoihoi / hoʻohiki". Kākoʻo kēia hoʻolālā i ka manaʻo o ka homosexual maoli. Pāʻani ia i loko o ka lima o nā pōʻaiapili pro-homosexual, no ka mea inā manaʻo ka poʻe kālaiʻāina a me nā luna kau kānāwai e hele ana ka ʻepekema e hōʻoia i ke kūlohelohe o ka moekolohe, e hoʻoili maʻalahi ʻia kēia i ke kahua kū kānāwai e hoʻopaʻa i nā kuleana kūikawā o nā homosexual. ʻO ka makasina ʻepekema, e like me nā paʻi paʻi aloha aloha ʻē aʻe, makemake e kākoʻo i ka manaʻo o ka maʻamau o ka moekolohe. Hiki ke ʻike ʻia i ke ʻano o ka wehewehe ʻana o ka hoʻoponopono i ka hōʻike a Hamer: "Pahuhopu paha." "ʻOiaʻiʻo, aia nō kahi ala lōʻihi e hele ai ma mua o ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hōʻoia piha, akā ..." ʻO nā ʻōlelo maʻamau o nā mea pale i kēia manaʻo. ʻO ka ʻōlelo ʻana ma kā Hamer ʻatikala ma kāna leka, ua ʻōlelo ʻoi aku ka manaʻo o ka genistist kaulana o Palani ʻo Professor Lejeune (1993) "inā ʻaʻole pili kēia noiʻi i ka homosexuality, ʻaʻole ia e ʻae ʻia no ka paʻi ʻana ma muli o ke ʻano hoʻopaʻapaʻa kiʻekiʻe a me ka statistic unreasonableness."

Minamina he nui wale ka poʻe noiʻi ʻike i ka mōʻaukala o kēlā me kēia ʻano "ʻike" i ka mōʻaukala o ka male. ʻO ka hopena o "ʻike" ʻo Steinach, ka mea ma mua o ka puka ʻana o ke Kaua Honua II ua manaʻo he hiki iā ia ke hōʻike i nā loli kūikawā i nā pilena o nā kāne homose wahine. I kēlā manawa, hoʻokumu ka poʻe i ko lākou manaʻo i ke kumu kūlohelohe i hōʻike ʻia i loko o kāna mau puke. Nui mau makahiki i hala aku nei, ua ʻike ʻia ʻaʻole i hōʻoia ʻia kona hopena.

A ʻo ka hope loa, ka mea hou loa e pili ana i ka noiʻi Hamer. ʻ reportslelo pū ʻia ʻo Scientific American Magazine (Nowemapa 1995, p. 26) i kahi loiloi holoʻokoʻa e J. Ebers, i ʻike ʻole ʻia e pili ana i kahi pilina ma waena o ka moʻolelo a me ke ʻano o nā gen chromosome.

He mea kaumaha nō hoʻi ia i nā nūpepa wikiwiki, e like me ka mea i ʻōlelo ʻia ma luna nei, ʻaʻole wale ka hoʻolauleʻa ʻana i ka manaʻo lehulehu, akā hilahila hoʻi i kēlā poʻe nāna e ʻimi nei i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a ʻaʻole makemake e ola e ko lākou kuko. No laila, ʻaʻole mākou e haʻalele i ka hoʻopunipuni.

Hoʻonohonoho ʻia ka "homosexuality" i nā makahiki mua o ke ola, a he hana hou ʻole paha ia?

Hoʻomaka ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka pēpē male kāne i ka wā ʻōpio a ʻaʻole pili iki ʻia me ka wā kamaliʻi. I loko o kēia mau makahiki, mālama ʻia kekahi ʻano naʻau o ka homosexual. Eia nō naʻe, hewa ka ʻōlelo ʻana ua hoʻokumu ʻia ka ʻike moekolohe i ka wā kamaliʻi, e like me nā mea e kākoʻo ana i ka moekolohe, i waena o nā mea ʻē aʻe, e ʻōlelo pinepine. Hoʻohana ʻia kēia kumumanaʻo e hōʻoia i ka manaʻo i hoʻolauna ʻia i nā keiki i nā papa aʻo moekolohe: "Aia nō paha kekahi o ʻoukou, a he kūlohelohe kēia, no laila e ola e like me kēia!" ʻO ka hoʻohui mua ʻia ʻana o ka moekolohe kahi o nā manaʻo punahele i loko o nā manaʻo psychoanalytic kahiko, e ʻōlelo nei ma ka makahiki ʻekolu a ʻehā paha, hoʻokumu ʻia nā ʻano pilikino, a hoʻokahi a no nā mea āpau.

Ke lohe nei kahi homosexual, e hoʻolohe ana i kēia, ua hoʻokumu ʻia kāna mau kuko i ka wā kamaliʻi, no ka mea ua makemake kona makuahine i kaikamahine - a no laila ua hōʻole ʻia, kahi keikikāne. Ma waho aʻe o kahi manaʻo wahaheʻe loa (ʻike mua ka pēpē, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke ʻike i kāna hōʻole ponoʻī e pili ana i ka wahine), like kēia manaʻo me ka ʻōlelo o ka hopena a hoʻonui i ka hana pilikino iā ia iho.

Inā mākou e hilinaʻi i nā recollections o ka mea pono iā ia iho, a laila ʻike maopopo iā mākou ua hele a neurotization i ka wā ʻōpiopio.

Eia nō naʻe, i loko o nā moʻolelo o ka hoʻolālā ʻana i mua, aia kekahi ʻoiaʻiʻo. No ka laʻana, he mea paha e noho ana ka makuahine i nā moemoeā o kāna kaikamahine a hoʻāla e like me kāna keiki. Kuhi maoli ka ʻano a me ka hana i ka makahiki mua o ke ola, ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻōlelo ʻia e pili ana i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i nā manaʻo male male, a e pili ana i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi ʻano kūikawā o ka wahine i kahi hemahema.

ʻAʻole paʻa ka makemake o nā mea pili i ka wahine ma ke ʻano o ka wā kamaliʻi o ka ʻike ʻana o Gundlach a me Riesz (1967): i ka wā e noiʻi ana i kahi hui nui o ka wahine i ulu i nā ʻohana nui o ʻelima a ʻoi paha mau keiki, ua ʻike ʻia he nui paha kēia mau wahine i nā keiki ʻōpio. i ka? ohana. Ua hōʻike ʻia kēia no ka huli ʻana i ka hoʻomohala male ʻana i ka male aku o kahi kāne, ʻelima a ʻehiku mau makahiki, a hiki paha ma hope, no ka mea aia i kēia wā e noho nei ka wahine mua o ka wahine ma kahi o kona manawa e hiki ai ke hoʻonui i ka wahine kāne i hoʻonui ʻia (inā he liʻiliʻi ʻo ia. ʻelima kaikaina a me kekahi mau kaikaina), a i hōʻalo ʻia (inā i hānau ʻia nā ʻelima mau kaikaina a ʻoi aʻe paha i hānau ʻia. Pēlā nō, like pū nā noiʻi o nā kāne nona nā ʻohana he ʻehā mau kaikaina a ʻoi aku paha ka mea, ma ke ʻano he kānāwai, ua lilo nā keiki ʻōpio i mau keiki kāne homo kāne (Van Lennep et al. 1954).

Eia kekahi, ma waena o nā keikikāne wahine (ʻoi ka nui o ka lilo o ka male i ka pelekane ma muli o kā lākou predisposition e hoʻomohala i kahi ʻōpiopio kāne), ʻoi aku ka nui o 30 paona i ka moe kolohe i ko lākou mau ʻōpio (Green 1985), ʻoiai 20 pakeneka i kā lākou moeʻuhane. nā koho i kēia manawa o ka holomua (Green 1987). Nui nā mau kāne like ʻole (ʻaʻole nāu, ma ke ala), ʻike i nā hōʻailona o ka wā e hiki ai i ka male like i ke ʻano o ko lākou wā kamaliʻi (e ʻaʻo ana i ka lole o ka wahine paha a me nā pāʻani a me nā hana maʻamau no ka hoʻonaninani ʻano. Akā naʻe, ʻaʻole kēia i ka manaʻo a pau kēia mau hōʻailona i ka predalsmine orient homosexual orientation. Hōʻike wale lākou i ka piʻi nui, akā ʻaʻole hiki ʻole.

Nā hiʻohiʻona noʻonoʻo o ke wā kamaliʻi

Inā he kanaka noiʻi kūlike ʻole me ka manaʻo ʻole e pili ana i ke kumu o ka moekolohe e aʻo i kēia pilikia, e hoʻoholo ʻo ia he mea nui e noʻonoʻo i nā ʻano psychological o ka wā kamaliʻi - lawa ka ʻikepili no kēia. Eia naʻe, ma muli o ka laha nui o ka manaʻo maoli i ka homosexuality, he nui ka poʻe kanalua i ke aʻo ʻana i ka ulu ʻana o ka psyche i ka wā kamaliʻi hiki ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ka moekolohe. Hiki maoli ke hānau ʻia he kāne maʻamau a ma ka manawa like e ulu wahine nui ai? A ʻaʻole anei ʻike ka poʻe homosexual iā lākou iho i ko lākou mau makemake ma ke ʻano he ʻano kūlohelohe, ma ke ʻano he hiʻohiʻona o ko lākou "maoli maoli"? ʻAʻole lākou i ʻike he mea maʻamau ke noʻonoʻo e manaʻo paha lākou i ka heterosexual?

Akā ke hoʻopunipuni nei nā helehelena. ʻO ka mea mua, ʻaʻole pono ke kāne kāne wahine i ka moekolohe. Eia kekahi, ʻo ka wahine ke ʻano i loaʻa ma o ke aʻo ʻana. ʻO ka maʻamau, ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike i ka nui e hiki ai ke aʻo ʻia kekahi mau ʻano, nā makemake a me nā ʻano. Hana ʻia kēia ma o ka hoʻohālike. Hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i ke kumu o ka interlocutor e ke mele o kāna kamaʻilio ʻana, ka puana ʻana, e kāna hana a me kāna neʻe. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokaʻawale ʻē aʻe i nā lālā o ka ʻohana like e ko lākou ʻano maʻamau, ʻano, ko lākou hoʻomākeʻaka kūikawā, - i nā ʻano lawena i maopopo ʻole maoli. I ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i ka wahine, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomaopopo i nā keikikāne ma nā ʻāina hema o ʻEulopa i hānai ʻia no ka hapa "palupalu", e ʻōlelo paha kekahi, ʻoi aku ka "wahine" ma mua o ka ʻĀkau. Hoʻonāukiuki nā ʻōpio Nordic ke ʻike lākou i ka ʻōpio Sepania a i ʻole ʻItalia e pūliki pono ʻana i ko lākou lauoho i ka wai ʻauʻau, e nānā pono ana i ke aniani no ka manawa lōʻihi, e komo ana i nā lei, a pēlā aku. ʻOi aku ka ikaika a me ka ikaika o nā keiki a nā limahana, "ʻoi aku ka wiwo ʻole" ma mua o keiki a ka poʻe o ka hana naʻauao, nā mea hoʻokani pila, a i ʻole nā ​​aristocrats, e like me ma mua. ʻO nā mea hope loa kahi laʻana o ka sophistication, heluhelu i ka "wahine".

E ulu aʻe kahi keikikāne, makua ʻole me ka makua ʻole e ka makuahine nāna i mālama iā ia ma ke ʻano he "ipo wahine", e ulu a lilo i keiki kāne koa? Hōʻike ka ʻikepili i ka nui o nā homosexual wahine i hilinaʻi nui i ka makuahine i ka wā i hele ʻole ka makuakāne a i ʻole psychologically (ʻo kahi laʻana, inā he kāne nāwaliwali ka makuakāne ma lalo o ka mana o kāna wahine, a i ʻole inā ʻaʻole ia e hoʻokō i kāna kuleana ma ke ʻano he makuakāne i kāna pilina me kāna keiki).

ʻO ke kiʻi o kahi makuahine e luku ana i ke kāne kāne a kāna keiki he nui. He makuahine mālama nui a palekana loa kēia, hopohopo nui no ke olakino o kāna keiki. ʻO kēia nō hoʻi ka makuahine koʻikoʻi, nāna i hoʻokau i ke kuleana o ke kauā a i ʻole hoaaloha maikaʻi loa i kāna keiki kāne. ʻO kahi makuahine sentimental a pilikino paha nāna i ʻike maka ʻole i kāna keiki i kāna kaikamahine āna e makemake ai (e laʻa me ka make ʻana o kāna kaikamahine, i hānau ʻia ma mua o kāna keiki kāne). He wahine i lilo i makuahine i ka wā makua, no ka mea, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hānau keiki i kona wā ʻōpio. ʻO kahi kupunawahine e hānai nei i kahi keikikāne i waiho ʻia e kona makuahine a hilinaʻi pono i ka pale. ʻO kahi makuahine ʻōpio nāna i lawe kāna keiki kāne hou aku no ka pēpē ma mua o ke keikikāne e ola nei. He makuahine hānai nāna e hānai i kāna keiki kāne me ke keiki kōkua ʻole a aloha hoʻi. Etc. Ma ke ʻano he kaulike, i ka wā kamaliʻi o nā wahine moekolohe wahine, hiki ke ʻike maʻalahi ʻia ia mau kumu, no laila ʻaʻohe pono e huli i ka hoʻoilina e wehewehe i ka hana wahine.

ʻO kekahi homosexual wahine i ʻike nui ʻia, ka mea i hele pū me kona makuahine i loko o nā holoholona, ​​ʻoiai ʻo kona kaikunāne he "keiki kāne a ka makuakāne," haʻi mai iaʻu ua hāʻawi mau koʻu makuahine iā ia i ke kuleana o kāna "kauā," kahi keiki ʻaoʻao. Ua kapa ʻo ia i kona lauoho, a kōkua i ke koho ʻana i kahi lole i loko o ka hale kūʻai, a pēlā aku. ʻOiai ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka paʻa ʻana o ka honua o nā kāne iā ia no ka hoihoi ʻole o kona makuakāne iā ia, ua lilo ka honua o kona makuahine a me kona ʻanakē i honua maʻamau nāna. ʻO ia ke kumu i kuhikuhi ʻia ai kāna ʻano e hoʻohālike i nā wahine makua. ʻO kahi laʻana, ua ʻike ʻo ia hiki iā ia ke hoʻohālikelike iā lākou i ka humuhumu, a hauʻoli lākou iā lākou.

Ma ke ʻano he kānāwai, ʻo ke ʻano o ke keikikāne ma hope o ʻekolu mau makahiki i hele a hele i nā hiʻohiʻona kāne: makuakāne, nā kaikunāne, nā kaikunāne, nā kumu kula, a ma ka wā ʻōpiopio, ua koho ʻo ia i mau puʻupuʻu hou mai ke ao honua. I nā kaikamahine, kuhikuhi ʻia kēia ʻano hana i nā hiʻohiʻona wahine. Inā mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hiʻohiʻona pilikino e pili ana i ka moekolohe, a laila kūpono kēia ʻano hiʻona kūpono no kēia kuleana. Eia nō naʻe, hoʻomaʻamaʻa kekahi mau keikikāne i nā mākaʻi o ka wahine ʻē aʻe, a he kumu kēia no nā ʻano ʻelua: ua hāʻawi ʻia lākou i ke kuleana o ka wahine ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole ʻano like lākou i ke ʻano o ka makua kāne, nā kaikunāne a me nā kāne ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka wehe ʻana o ke ʻano kūlohelohe o ke ʻano imitative ma muli o ke kiʻi ʻana o nā ʻelele o kā lāua kūlike i ka maikaʻi, ʻoiai ke kiʻi nei i ka wahine ke kū mai i kekahi mau pōmaikaʻi.

I ka hihia i hōʻike ʻia aʻe nei, ua hauʻoli ke keikikāne a palekana hoʻi i ka mahalo a me ka mahalo o kona makuahine a me nā ʻanakē - i ka nalowale ʻana, me he mea lā he manawa kūpono e komo i ka honua o kona kaikaina a me kona makuakāne. ʻO nā hiʻohiʻona o kahi "keiki a mama" i ulu i loko ona; ua lilo ʻo ia i mea ukali, hoʻāʻo e ʻoluʻolu i nā mea āpau, ʻoi aku hoʻi i nā wahine makua; e like me kona makuahine, ua lilo ia i mea manaʻo, nāwaliwali a me nā huhū, uē pinepine, a hoʻomanaʻo i nā ʻanakē ma ke ʻano o ka ʻōlelo.

He mea pono ke kikoi e like ka kuʻina o nā kāne like me ke ʻano o ka "luahine kahiko"; a i ka ʻōwili nui nei kēia hana, he pseudo-feminity wale nō. ʻAʻohe mākou e alo wale me ka pakele mai ke ʻano kāne no ka makaʻu no ka hāʻule ʻole, akā pū kekahi me kahi ʻano o ka ʻimi keiki hānai no ka nānā ʻana, ʻo ka leʻaleʻa o nā wahine koʻikoʻi e hōʻike nei i ka hoihoi. ʻO kēia ka mea i hoʻolaha nui ʻia ma nā kānaka transgender a me nā kāne e pāʻani nei i nā kuleana wahine.

Hoʻokomo a me nā hana maʻamau

ʻAʻohe kānalua ke kālele o ka trauma ke kuleana nui i ka hoʻokumu kino ʻana i ka male o ka wahine (ʻoi aku me ka pili pono i ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā lālā o ka wahine like, ʻike ma lalo). ʻO ka "ʻaoʻao" aʻu i kamaʻilio nei, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hoʻomanaʻo i kona makewai no ka nānā ʻana o kona makuakāne, ka mea, i kona manaʻo, i loaʻa wale i ka hoahānau. Akā ʻaʻole hiki ke wehewehe ʻia kāna mau hana a me kāna mau makemake e ka holo ʻana mai ke ao kanaka. Hoʻomaopopo pinepine mākou i ka hoʻopili ʻana o nā mea ʻelua: ka hoʻokumu ʻana o kahi ʻano kuhi hewa a me ka traumatization (kahi manaʻo no ka hiki ʻole o ke ʻano o nā ʻelele o ke ʻano o ka wahine ma ka honua). Pono e hoʻolako i kēia kumu o ka maʻamau, i ka hoʻohui i ke kumu o ka hilahila, no ka mea, pono ke hāpai pono i ka lāʻau kūpono ʻaʻole wale ma ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i ka hopena o ka hopena a ka trauma, akā i ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā hana i loaʻa ʻole i ka ʻano o ka wahine. Eia kekahi, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka nānāʻana i ka trauma e hoʻonui i ka ulu ʻana i ka hoʻopaʻa ʻia ʻana o ka maʻi o kahi kāne male, a ma muli o ke ʻano, e hoʻopiʻi wale ʻo ia i ka makua o kāna kāne. Eia naʻe, no ka mea, ʻaʻole hewa kekahi makua "hewa" o ka nānā ʻole ʻana i kāna keiki. Hoʻopiʻi pinepine nā makuakāne i kā lākou mau wahine i nā mea nona kēia mea e pili ana i kā lākou keiki kāne, ʻaʻohe wahi no lākou. ʻOiaʻiʻo, nui nā pilikia o nā mākua pelekane i ka mare.

E pili ana i ka lawena wahine o nā kāne kāne a me ka hana kāne kāne o nā lesbians, ua hōʻike ʻia nā ʻike hoʻokolohua he nui ka hapanui o lākou i hānai ʻia i nā ʻano ʻano ʻokoʻa mai nā keiki ʻē aʻe o ka wahine like. ʻO ka mea a lākou e hoʻomaka ai e pili i kēia kuleana he hopena pololei ia o ka ʻole o ka ʻae mai ka makua o ka kāne like. ʻO ke ʻano maʻamau o nā mea he nui (akā ʻaʻole nā ​​mea āpau!) ʻO nā makuwahine kāne kāne kāne ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i kā lākou keiki kāne he "kāne maoli" - a mai mālama iā lākou e like me kēlā. Eia kekahi, ʻo kekahi mau makuakāne aloha wahine, ʻoiai i kahi mea liʻiliʻi, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i kā lākou kaikamahine e like me "mau kaikamahine maoli" a mālama iā lākou ʻaʻole pēlā, akā ʻoi aku ko lākou hoa aloha a i ʻole ke keiki a lākou.

E hoʻomaopopo ʻia ʻaʻole he mea nui ka hana a ka makua o ka wahine ʻē aʻe ma mua o ka makua o ka kāne like. ʻO ka nui o nā kāne kāne moekolohe, no ka laʻana, ua pale nui, hopohopo, hopohopo, makuahine makuahine, a i ʻole nā ​​makuahine i mahalo nui iā lākou. ʻO kāna keikikāne he "keikikāne maikaʻi," "keikikāne hoʻolohe," kahi keikikāne hana maikaʻi, "a pinepine pinepine kahi keikikāne i lohi i ka hoʻomohala psychological a noho mau ke" keiki "no ka lōʻihi. I ka wā e hiki mai ana, ua noho ke kāne kāne kāne like "kāne a ka makuahine." Akā ʻo ka makuahine koʻikoʻi, ka mea i ʻike i kāna keikikāne he "kāne maoli" a makemake e hana i kahi kāne mai ona aku, ʻaʻole loa ia e hānai i kahi "keiki a mama." Pili ka mea like i ka pilina ma waena o ka makuakāne a me ke kaikamahine. ʻO ka makuahine koʻikoʻi (pale nui, hopohopo, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe), ka mea ʻike ʻole pehea e hoʻohuli ai i kahi keikikāne i ke kāne, me ka ʻike ʻole e hāʻawi i ka distortion o kāna hana psychological. ʻAʻole pinepine ʻo ia e noʻonoʻo pehea e hana ai i kahi kāne mai kahi keikikāne, me ka ʻole o kahi hiʻohiʻona maikaʻi no kēia i kona ʻohana ponoʻī. ʻImi ʻo ia e hana iā ia i keikikāne i ʻano maikaʻi, a i ʻole nākiʻi iā ia iā ia iho inā he mehameha a palekana ʻole ʻo ia (e like me kekahi makuahine i lawe i kāna keiki e moe pū me ia a hiki i ka makahiki ʻumikūmālua)

I ka pōkole, ʻo ka hōʻike ʻana o ka male e hōʻike ai i ka pono o ka hōʻoia ʻana e loaʻa nā makua i nā manaʻo kūpono e pili ana i ka masculinity a me ka wahine. ʻO ka hapa nui, ʻo ka hui pū ʻana o nā manaʻo o nā mākua ʻelua e pae i ka pae no ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka moʻomeheu (van den Aardweg, 1984).

Hiki i kekahi ke nīnau, hiki i nā hiʻohiʻona wahine o ke kāne pelekane a me nā wahine kāneʻaneʻane laikini i mākaukau no ka ulu ʻana i ka male? I ka nui o nā manawa, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā keikikāne mua. Eia nō kekahi, ʻo ka hapa nui (akā, ʻaʻole o nā mea āpau) nā kaikamahine mua i ʻoi aku ka nui o nā hiʻohiʻona masculine mau hiʻohiʻona. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole ʻo kēia "wahine" a ʻaʻole hoʻi ʻo kēia "manculinity" hiki ke kapa ʻia he wehewehe. ʻO ka mea, e ʻike kākou ma hope, ʻo ia hoʻi ka noʻonoʻo ʻana o ke keiki. ʻOiai i ka hopena o ka hoʻonaninani wahine i nā keiki kāne, i kapa ʻia ʻo "syndrome boy-boy," 2 / 3 mau keiki i hoʻomohala i nā moemoeā no ka palalau, a ua hoʻokuʻu ʻia kekahi mai nā ʻano wahine, a lilo i nā pākeke (Green, 1985, 1987). Ma ke ala, pili pū kēia hopena me ka manaʻo e pili ana i ka hapa nui o ka hoʻoponopono ʻōlohelohe i ka wā o ka wā o ka wā ma mua o ka wā o ka wā ʻōpiopio a ma kēlā wā, ʻaʻole naʻe i ka wā kamaliʻi.

I nā hihia kūpono

ʻOiai he mea maʻamau ka ʻike maʻamau o ka wā kamaliʻi no ka hapanui o nā kāne like ʻole me ka makua o ko lāua ʻano kāne, ka mea i hele pinepine ʻia e ka pilina like ʻole me ka makua o nā kāne ʻē aʻe (a ma waena o nā kāne male), hiki ʻole ke kapa ʻia kēia ʻano maʻamau. Uaʻae maikaʻi kekahi mau kāne kāne i ka kāne me nā mākua, ua manaʻo lākou ua aloha ʻia a mahalo hoʻi; e like me ka poʻe lesbians i pilina maikaʻi me ko lākou mau makuahine (Howard, 1991, 83). Akā ʻo kēlā mau lono maikaʻi ʻole i hiki ke lilo i ka hana i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka male.

ʻO kahi laʻana, he kāne kāne ʻōpio, wahine liʻiliʻi i nā ʻano, i hānai ʻia e kahi makuakāne aloha a hoʻomaopopo hoʻi. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻo ia i ka wikiwiki i ka home ma hope o ke kula, kahi āna i manaʻo ai ua kāohi ʻia a ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kamaʻilio pū me nā hoa (kahi mea hoʻoholo!). ʻO "Home" nona kahi wahi i hiki ʻole iā ia ke noho me kona makuahine, e like me ka mea e manaʻo ai, akā me kona makuakāne, me ia i hele pū ai i nā holoholona a me nā mea āna i manaʻo ai he palekana. ʻAʻole ʻano palupalu kona makuakāne a mākou i ʻike ai, me ka mea āna i makemake ʻole ai e "ʻike" iā ia iho - ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe. ʻO kona makuahine i nāwaliwali a makaʻu hoʻi a ʻaʻole i hana nui i kona wā kamaliʻi. He koa a makua hoʻi kona makuakāne, a ua hoʻomana ʻo ia iā ia. ʻO ke kumu hoʻoholo i ko lāua pili ka mea i hāʻawi aku kona makuakāne iā ia i ke kuleana o ke kaikamahine a me kahi sissy, ʻaʻole hiki ke pale iā ia iho i kēia ao. Ua kāohi kona makuakāne iā ia i kahi ʻano aloha, no laila pili loa lāua. ʻO ke ʻano o ka makuakāne iā ia i hana ʻia i loko ona, a i ʻole kōkua i ka hana ʻana, ke ʻano o ia ʻano iā ia iho, kahi āna i ʻike ai iā ia iho me he mea pale ʻole lā a kōkua ʻole, a wiwo ʻole a ikaika hoʻi. I ke ʻano makua, ua huli mau ʻo ia i nā hoa aloha o kona makuakāne no ke kākoʻo. Eia nō naʻe, kau nui kāna mau makemake erotic i nā kāne ʻōpio ma mua o ka makua, makua, ʻano kāne.

ʻO kekahi hiʻohiʻona. ʻO kahi kanaka makua kāne ʻokoʻa nona nā makahiki he kanalimakumālima mau hiki ʻole ke hopu i ke kumu o ka pilikia ma ka pilina o kona wā kamaliʻi me kona makuakāne. ʻO kona makuakāne mau ka hoa aloha, he kaulani haʻuki ma ke ʻano he ʻano hoʻohālikelike maikaʻi o ka masculinity ma ka hana a me ka pili o ka lehulehu. No ke aha ʻaʻole ʻo ia e "ʻike" iā ia iho me ka masculinity o kona makua kāne? ʻO ka pilikia holoʻokoʻa i ka makuahine. He wahine haʻaheo ʻo ia, ʻaʻole i piha i ka nohona kāne. ʻOi aku ka nui o ka hoʻonaʻauao ʻana a mai ka stratum kiʻekiʻe ma mua o kahi (he limahana ʻo ia), ua hōʻalo pinepine ʻo ia iā ia me kāna mau ʻōlelo ʻino a me ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻia. E hōʻoluʻolu mau loa ke keiki i kona makuakāne. Ua ʻike ʻo ia me ia, ʻaʻole naʻe me kāna ʻano, no ka mea, ʻōlelo ʻo kona makuahine iā ia e ʻokoʻa. Ke lilo nei i mea punahele o kona makuahine, pono ʻo ia e koi ʻo ia no kāna hōʻole i kāna kāne. ʻAʻole ia i hoʻoikaika i nā hiʻohiʻona masculine, koe wale nō ka mea e kōkua i ka hoʻokō ʻana i ke kaiāulu. Pono ke hoʻoponopono ʻia a me ka nani. Ma muli o kona pilina olakino me kona makuakāne, ua hilahila mau ʻo ia i kāna masculinity. Ke manaʻo nei au ua hoʻowahāwahā ka makuahine i ka makuakāne a me kona hoʻowahāwahā i ka hana o ka makua a me kona mana i lilo i kumu nui no ka nele o ke keiki kāne ka haʻaheo kāne.

ʻIke ʻia kēia ʻano pilina makuahine me he "castrating" kāne kāne kāne, a hiki iā mākou ke ʻaelike me kēia - me ka proviso ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo Freudian makemake maoli i ka makuahine e ʻoki i ka peni o kāna nahesa a keiki kāne paha. Pēlā nō, kahi makuakāne e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kāna wahine i ke alo o nā keiki e luku i ko lākou mahalo i ka wahine e like me ia. ʻO kāna hōʻino ʻole i ka moekolohe wahine e hiki ke hāʻawi ʻia i kāna kaikamahine. Me ko lākou manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i nā wahine, hiki i nā makuakāne ke hoʻokomo i kā lākou kaikamahine i ke ʻano maikaʻi ʻole iā lākou iho a me ka hōʻole ʻana i kāna wahine ponoʻī. Pēlā nō, nā makuahine, me ko lākou ʻano maikaʻi ʻole i ke kuleana kāne o ke kāne a i ʻole i nā kāne i ka nui, hiki ke hoʻonāukiuki i kā lākou keiki kāne i kahi ʻano maikaʻi ʻole o kā lākou kāne iho.

Aia kekahi mau kāne makemake i ka homosexual i manaʻo i ke aloha makua i ka wā kamaliʻi, akā nele i ka pale o ka makua. Hoʻokahi makua kāne, kū i mua o nā pilikia o ke ola, ua ʻimi i ke kākoʻo mai kāna keiki kāne, ka mea i ʻike ʻia he kaumaha nui, ʻoiai ʻo ia pono pono ke kākoʻo mai kahi makuakāne ikaika. Hoʻololi nā mākua a me nā keiki i nā wahi i kēlā mau hihia, e like me ka hihia o kēlā mau wahine wahine i koi ʻia i ka wā kamaliʻi e pāʻani i ka kuleana o ka makuahine no kā lākou mau makuahine. I loko o ia mau pilina, manaʻo ke kaikamahine ua nele ʻo ia i ke komo ʻole ʻana o ka makuahine i kāna mau pilikia maʻamau a me ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i ka hilinaʻi ponoʻī wahine, ka mea nui i ka wā ʻōpio.

Nā kumuhana ʻē aʻe: nā pilina o nā hoa

Loaʻa iā mākou nā helu helu e pili ana i ka pilina o ka wā kamaliʻi o nā kāne a me nā mākua. Ua hōʻoia pinepine ʻia, ma ka hoʻohui o kahi pilina maikaʻi ʻole me ka makuahine, he pilina maikaʻi ʻole nā ​​kāne kāne me ko lākou makuakāne, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka pilina o nā wahine kāne me ko lākou makuahine ma mua o nā wahine heterosexual a i ʻole heterosexual neurasthenics. I ka manawa like, pono e hoʻomanaʻo ʻia nā mākua a me nā kumu aʻo e hoʻomākaukau wale ana, conducive, akā ʻaʻole hoʻoholo. ʻO ke kumu kumu kumu o ka moekolohe ma nā kāne ʻaʻole ia he hoʻopili pathological i ka makuahine a i ʻole hōʻole ʻia e ka makuakāne, no ka pinepine o nā hōʻike o ia mau hanana i ke aʻo ʻana i nā maʻi ʻōpio. ʻAʻole hopena ka Lesbianism i nā manaʻo o ka hōʻole ʻia e ka makuahine, ʻoiai ke alapine o kēia kumu i ka wā kamaliʻi. (Maʻalahi ke ʻike inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka nui o nā mākua heterosexual i, i ka wā kamaliʻi, i ʻike i ka hōʻole ʻia a i haʻalele ʻia paha e ko lākou makua kāne o ke kāne like. Ma waena o nā lawehala a me nā lawehala ʻōpio, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i nā mea he nui i ʻeha i nā ʻano ʻano like ʻole, a ma waena o nā neurotics heterosexual.)

No laila, ʻaʻole pili pono ka male i ka pili o ke keiki a me ka makua kāne a me ke keiki a me ka makua a me ka makuahine, akā me ka pilina me nā ʻōlima. (No nā papa helu helu a me nā loiloi ʻike van den Aardweg, 1986, 78, 80; Nicuwai, 1991, 63). Eia nō naʻe, ʻo ka mana o ka hana kuʻuna i ka psychoanalyst me kona makemake maoli e pili i ka pilina ma waena o nā mākua a me ke keiki, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mea e ʻike wale i ka nui o nā mea hoʻonaʻauao kikoʻī.

Ma ka huli ʻana, hiki i nā pilina o nā hoa ke hoʻopili i kahi mea nui loa: ka ʻike a ka ʻōpio i kāna kāne kāne a wahine paha. ʻO ke kuanaʻike ponoʻī o kahi kaikamahine, no ka laʻana, me ka hoʻohui i nā kumu e like me ka hilahila ʻole i kāna pilina me kona makuahine, nui a lawa ʻole paha ka nānā ʻana mai kona makuakāne, hiki ke hoʻohuli ʻia e ka hoʻomāʻewaʻewa a nā hoa, nā manaʻo hoʻohaʻahaʻa i nā pilina me nā ʻohana, clumsiness, "ʻino" - ʻo ia hoʻi, ka manaʻo ponoʻī ʻino a maikaʻi ʻole hoʻi i nā maka o nā keikikāne i ka wā ʻōpio, a i ʻole hoʻohālikelike ʻia e nā lālā o ka ʻohana me ka wahine ʻē aʻe ("aia ʻoe āpau i kou ʻanakala"). Hiki i kēlā mau ʻike maikaʻi ʻole ke alakaʻi i kahi paʻakikī, e kūkākūkā ʻia ma lalo.

Hōʻike male kāne / wahine haʻahaʻa

"ʻO ka nānā ʻAmelika o ke kāne kāne! ʻElua wale nō mau mea ma lalo o ka lani e paʻakikī e hoʻomaopopo, a i koʻu wā ʻōpio, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī e kala aku. " Me kēia mau huaʻōlelo, ua hōʻike ka homosexual ʻeleʻele a me ka mea kākau ʻo James Baldwin (1985, 678) i nā manaʻo o ka ʻoluʻolu ʻole iā ia iho no ka mea ua ʻike ʻo ia iā ia iho he kūleʻa ma muli o ka nele o ke kāne. Ua hoʻowahāwahā ʻo ia i ka mea hiki ʻole iā ia ke hoʻomaopopo. Ua like wau me he mea lā i hōʻeha ʻia no kēia ʻano kāne kāne kolohe, kahi mea hoʻokalakupua - haʻahaʻa, i kahi huaʻōlelo. Ua kuhihewa kona ʻike ʻana i ke "kāne kāne ʻAmelika" e kēia hoʻohoka. ʻOiai, aia kekahi mau ʻano i hoʻonui ʻia - hana macho a i ʻole "loko ʻino" i waena o nā lawehala - hiki ke ʻike ʻia he "kāne" maoli na ka poʻe oʻo ʻole. Akā aia kekahi koa wiwo ʻole olakino olakino, a me ka mākaukau i nā haʻuki, a me ka hoʻokūkū, hoʻomanawanui - nā ʻano i kūlike ʻole i ka nāwaliwali, ka ʻoluʻolu iā ia iho, nā ʻano o ka "luahine" a effeminacy paha. I ka wā ʻōpio, ua nele ʻo Baldwin i kahi hemahema o kēia mau hiʻohiʻona maikaʻi o ke kāne me nā hoa, ma ke kula kiʻekiʻe paha, i ka wā ʻōpio.

"ʻO wau ka pahuhopu maoli no ka hoʻomāʻewaʻewa ... ʻO kaʻu aʻo ʻana a me koʻu kino kiʻekiʻe i kūʻē iaʻu. A ʻeha wau. " Ua hoʻomāʻewaʻewa ʻia ʻo ia me "nā maka insect" a me "kaikamahine", akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike pehea e kū ai nona iho. ʻAʻole hiki i kona makuakāne ke kākoʻo iā ia, no ka mea, he kanaka nāwaliwali ʻo ia. Ua hānai ʻia ʻo Baldwin e kona makuahine a me kona kupunawahine, a ʻaʻohe mea kāne i ke ola o kēia keiki hānai. Ua hele a mahuahua kona ʻano mamao mai ka honua o nā kāne ke aʻo ʻo ia kona makuakāne kona makuakāne. ʻO kāna ʻike i ke ola i hiki ke hōʻike ʻia i nā huaʻōlelo: "ʻO nā kāne āpau, ʻoi aku ka wiwo ʻole ma mua oʻu, e kūʻē iaʻu." ʻO kāna inoa kapakapa "baba" e kamaʻilio wale ana e pili ana i kēia: ʻaʻole no ka mea he kaikamahine maoli ia, akā he kāne hoʻopunipuni, kahi kāne haʻahaʻa. ʻAneʻane like kēia me ka huaʻōlelo "palupalu", whiny, e like me ke kaikamahine, ʻaʻole e hakakā, akā holo. Hiki iā Baldwin ke hōʻino i ke kāne kāne "ʻAmelika" no kēia mau ʻike, akā ʻo nā homosexual a puni ka honua e hōʻino i ke ʻano kāne o nā moʻomeheu kahi a lākou e noho ai no ka mea he ʻano mau ko lākou haʻahaʻa i kēia ʻano. No ke kumu like, hoʻowahāwahā nā lesbians i ka mea a lākou, ma o ka ʻike maikaʻi ʻole, i ʻike hewa ai ma ke ʻano he "kuhikuhi wahine": "nā lole, ka pono e hoihoi wale i nā home o kēlā me kēia lā, e lilo i kaikamahine maikaʻi, momona," e like me ka ʻōlelo a kekahi wahine wahine Holani. ʻO ka manaʻo ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ke kāne a ʻoi paha ka liʻiliʻi o ka wahine ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe kahi ʻano haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa no nā poʻe homosexual oriented.

ʻO ka mea, ka manaʻo o nā ʻōpio kāne kahiko ʻole i ka manaʻo he "ʻokoʻa" (heluhelu: "haʻahaʻa"), akā hana pinepine ʻia lākou me ka manaʻo o ka wahine. ʻO ka ʻano o lākou ʻano a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano kanaka i kū like ʻole ma muli o ka hānai ʻana a i ʻole nā ​​pilina me nā mākua. Hōʻike pinepine ʻia i ka hoʻomohala ʻia o nā ʻano kāne i ka wā kamaliʻi a me ka ʻōpio, i hōʻike ʻia i ka makaʻu i ka ʻeha kino, ka manaʻo ʻole, makemake ʻole e komo i nā pāʻani punahele o nā keikikāne āpau (ka pōpeku ma ʻEulopa a me Latin America, ka kinipōpō i USA) ʻo ia ka mua a me ka mea nui. ka mea pili i ka male kāne kāne. Heʻuʻahaʻa loa ka "wahine aloha" ma mua o nā kaikamāhine ʻē aʻe statistics by van den Aardweg, 1986). Ua hoʻoholo pololei ʻo Hockenberry lāua ʻo Billingham (1987) "ʻo ka loaʻa ʻole o ke kāne, ʻaʻole ka loaʻa o nā ʻano wahine, ʻo ka hapa nui o nā mea āpau e hoʻohuli i ka homosexual (kāne) e hiki mai ana." ʻO ke keikikāne i hiki i kona makuakāne ma ke ola o kona makua kāne, a ʻo ka ikaika o kona makua, ua ikaika loa ia, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomohala i ka masculinity. ʻO kēia kānāwai, me kekahi mau ʻano ʻē aʻe, e ola pono i ke ola o nā kāne ʻoi aku ka maʻi kāne. He ʻano ia i ka wā kamaliʻi ʻaʻole lākou i moemoeā e lilo i mākaʻi, ʻaʻole i komo i nā pāʻani keikikāne, ʻaʻole manaʻo iā lākou iho he poʻe haʻuki kaulana, ʻaʻole makemake i nā moʻolelo huakaʻi, a pēlā wale aku. (Hockenberry lāua ʻo Billingham, 1987). Ke hopena, ua manaʻo lākou i ko lākou hemahema pono i waena o nā hoa. Ua manaʻo ka Lesbians i ka wā kamaliʻi o ka haʻahaʻa o ko lākou ʻano. Hoʻolomo ʻia ka mea i hōʻoluʻolu ʻia e kekahi, i hiki ke hoʻomaopopo. I ka wā ma mua o ka wā ʻōpio, a i loko o ka wā ponoʻī, hana ka ʻōpio i kona manaʻo iā ia iho, i kona kūlana i waena o nā hoa - pili wau iā lākou ʻO ka hoʻohālikelike o ia iā ia iho me nā mea ʻē aʻe ma mua o kekahi mea e hoʻoholo ai i kona manaʻo no ka maikaʻi o ka wahine. Ua haʻaheo kekahi kanaka ʻōpiopio i ka ʻike ʻole ʻo ia no ka loaʻa ʻana o ka mea haʻahaʻa, ʻo kāna ʻike ʻana i ke ola no ka hauʻoli. ʻO ka mea wale nō, i kona manaʻo, hopohopo iā ia - ka hōʻole ʻia o kāna kū i ke kaiāulu. Ma hope o ka noʻonoʻo pono ʻana iā ia iho, ua hōʻoia ʻo ia e ola ʻo ia ma ke ʻano ʻoluʻolu a uaʻike ʻo ia me ka mau mākua (me ka mālama nui iā ia). He ʻekolu hoaaloha nona ma kona wā i aloha ʻia ai mai kona wā kamaliʻi. I ka wā i nui aiʻo ia, ua manaʻo ʻo ia iā ia iho a hoʻokaʻawale aʻe iā lākou, no ka mea ua ʻoi loa lākou i kekahi i kekahi. Ua hoʻomohala ʻia ko lākou makemake i ke kuhikuhi o nā haʻuki kūpikipiki, ʻo kā lākou kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i nā kumuhana "kāne" - nā kaikamahine a me nā haʻuki, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻomau me lākou. Kāna ʻo ia iā ʻoe e helu pū, e pāʻani ana i ka hana kuʻi, hiki iā ia ke ʻakaʻaka kekahi, ke huki wale iā ia iho.

ʻO kēia kahi e moe ai ka mea nui: manaʻo nui ʻole ʻo ia i ka hui o kāna mau hoaaloha. Ma ka home ua palekana ʻo ia, hānai ʻia ma ke ʻano he keikikāne "noho" me ka "laʻana", haʻaheo mau kona makuahine i kāna ʻano maikaʻi. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻopaʻapaʻa; "E mālama mau ʻoe i ka maluhia" ʻo ia ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo punahele a kona makuahine. Ma hope ua ʻike ʻo ia ua makaʻu loa ʻo ia i ka hakakā. ʻO ke ʻano kahi i hoʻokumu ʻia ai kona maluhia a me ke akahai ua "ʻoluʻolu" a ʻaʻole i ʻae i nā manaʻo pilikino maikaʻi ʻole e hōʻike.

Ua ulu aʻe kekahi homosexual me kahi makuahine i hoʻowahāwahā i nā mea āpau i manaʻo ʻia he "kūpikipiki" iā ia. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i ʻae iā ia i nā mea pāʻani "kūpikipiki" e like me nā koa, nā kaʻa koa a i nā pahu wai paha; pili koʻikoʻi i nā pilikia like ʻole i ʻōlelo ʻia i hele pū me ia ma nā wahi āpau. he manaʻo maikaʻi hysterical no ka hoʻomana nonviolent. ʻAʻole he mea kupanaha, ʻo ke keikikāne o kēia wahine ʻilihune ʻole i ulu i ka manaʻo, kaukaʻi, ka makaʻu, a me kahi hysterical liʻiliʻi. Ua hoʻonele ʻia ʻo ia i ka launa pū ʻana me nā keikikāne ʻē aʻe, a hiki iā ia ke kamaʻilio wale me hoʻokahi a i ʻole ʻelua mau hoa hilahila, nā mea kūwaho like me ia. Me ka hele ʻole ʻana i loko o ke kālailai ʻana o kāna mau makemake moekolohe, ua hoʻomaopopo mākou ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia e ʻumeʻume ʻia e ka "honua weliweli akā leʻaleʻa" o ka pūʻali koa, ka mea āna i ʻike pinepine ai e haʻalele ana i nā pā kokoke. He kāne ikaika lākou e noho nei i kahi honua kamaʻāina ʻole. ʻO ka mea āna i pīhoihoi ai iā lākou e ʻōlelo, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, o kāna ʻano kāne kāne maʻamau. Makemake kēlā me kēia keikikāne e lilo i kāne, makemake kēlā kaikamahine e lilo i wahine, a he mea nui kēia ke manaʻo lākou i kā lākou ʻike ʻole i kēia wahi nui o ke ola, hoʻomaka lākou e hoʻomana kiʻi i ke kāne a me ka wahine a kekahi.

E maopopo ai, e hoʻokaʻawale mākou i ʻelua mau kaʻina kaʻawale i ka hoʻomohala ʻana i nā manaʻo male kāne. ʻO ka mea mua ka hoʻokumu ʻia ʻana o nā ʻano "keʻa-keʻa" i nā hoihoi a me ka lawena, ʻo ka lua kahi paʻakikī o ke kāne / wahine haʻahaʻa (a i ʻole kahi ʻano o ka haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa kāne), hiki paha, akā ʻaʻole naʻe, ala aʻe ma ke kumu o kēia mau ʻano. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, e like me ka mea, aia kekahi mau keikikāne effeminate a me nā kaikamahine kāne kāne ʻaʻole i lilo i homosexual.

Eia kekahi, ʻaʻole hana a maʻa mau ke kāne a wahine wahine haʻahaʻa ma mua a i ʻole i ka wā ʻōpio. Hiki i ke keiki ke hōʻike i ke ʻano o ke kāne a ʻoi ma nā papa haʻahaʻa o ke kula, a, me ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana i kēia, hiki i ka homosexual ke wehewehe i kēia ma ke ʻano he ʻano hōʻoia pēlā - akā naʻe, hewa kēia manaʻo. ʻAʻole hiki ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka "homosexuality" a hiki i ka wā e hōʻike ai ka maka i kahi ʻike paʻa o ka pono ʻole o ke kāne a wahine paha (keikikāne a kaikamahine paha), i hui pū ʻia me ka hana pilikino (e nānā ma lalo) a me nā moemoeā homoerotic. ʻO ke ʻano crystallize i ka wā ʻōpio, ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi ma mua. Aia i ka ʻōpio ke hele nei nā mea he nui i ke ʻano ola i kamaʻilio nui ʻia e pili ana i nā kumumanaʻo o ka hoʻomohala ʻike. Ma mua o ka ʻōpio, e like me ka hōʻike ʻana o nā homosexuals he nui, maʻalahi a hauʻoli hoʻi ke ola. A laila uhi ʻia ka lani i loko me nā ao no ka manawa lōʻihi.

ʻO nā keikikāne pre-homosexual pinepine ka home, palupalu, makaʻu, nāwaliwali, ʻoiai ʻo nā kaikamahine pre-homosexual e hakakā, hoʻomalu, "hihiu" a kūʻokoʻa paha. I ka wā i oʻo ai kēia mau keiki i ka wā ʻōpio, ʻo kēia mau ʻano, ma muli o ke kuleana a lākou i aʻo ʻia ai (e laʻa me "ke ʻano keikikāne"), a laila hāʻawi i ka ulu ʻana o ka haʻahaʻa kāne i loko o lākou ke hoʻohālikelike lākou iā lākou iho i nā ʻōpio ʻē aʻe o ke kāne like. I ka manawa like, ʻaʻole hōʻike ke keikikāne manaʻo ʻole i ke kāne iā ia iho, a ʻo ke kaikamahine i manaʻo ʻole i kāna wahine ʻaʻole e ʻaʻa e hōʻike iā ia iho me kāna ʻano wahine. Hoʻāʻo kahi kanaka e hōʻalo i ka mea āna i manaʻo ai he haʻahaʻa. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻōlelo ʻia e pili ana i kahi kaikamahine ʻōpio makemake ʻole e pāʻani me nā pēpē a hōʻalo paha i nā kūlana wahine, he predisposition ʻo ia i ka wahine wahine. ʻO wai e makemake e hōʻoia i ka poʻe ʻōpio ʻo kā lākou hopena homosexual kahi hopena mua loa, he mea weliweli ia i ko lākou noʻonoʻo a hana i kahi pono ʻole nui.

No ka hoʻopau ʻana i ke kiʻi o nā kumu e hoʻonāukiuki ana i ka ulu ʻana o kahi kāne ma ka haʻahaʻa, ʻike mākou i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana iā ʻoe iho me nā ʻohana o ka moʻa like hiki ke lilo i mea nui i kēia. I nā hihia pēlā, ʻo ke keikikāne ke "kaikamahine" i waena o kona mau kaikunāne, aʻo ke kaikamahine ke "keikikāne" i waena o nā kaikuahine. Eia kekahi, ʻo ka manaʻo o ʻoe iho ma ke ʻano he freak he laha loa. Manaʻo ke keikikāne he nani a nani kona helehelena a "girlish" paha, a palupalu paha ʻo ia, a pīhoihoi, a pēlā aku, e like me ka manaʻo o ke kaikamahine ʻaʻole he wahine kona helehelena, ʻāwili ʻo ia, a ʻoluʻolu ʻole kāna neʻe, a pēlā wale aku.

ʻO ka hōʻike ʻana iho a me ka hoʻokumu ʻana ʻana o kahi mānoanoa haʻahaʻa

ʻAʻole paʻa maoli ʻo ia ʻo ka male i ka male me ka pale ʻole a i ʻole ka pili ʻana i ka makua me ka wahine like ʻole a / a i ʻole ka pilia i ka makua i ka wahine ʻē aʻe, i kū ʻole i ka hihia o ka pilina maoli. ʻO ka mea mua, ʻike pinepine ʻia nā pilina like i ka mōʻaukala o ka pedophiles a me nā neurotics wahine ʻē aʻe (Mor et al., 1964, 6i, 140). Eia nō kekahi, he nui nā heterosexual i pili me ko lākou mau mākua. ʻO ka lua, e like me ka mea i hōʻike ʻia ma luna nei, ʻaʻole pono nā mea e kū i ka male a me nā makemake i ka moe.

Eia nō naʻe, hiki i ka laulā hoʻohaʻahaʻa ke kāne ke lawe i nā ʻano he nui, a ʻo nā moemoeā e hana ʻia e ia hiki ke kuhikuhi ʻia ʻaʻole wale i nā lālā ʻōpio a ʻelemakule paha o ka wahine like, akā i nā keiki o ka wahine like (homosexual pedophilia), a i nā lālā paha o ka wahine ʻē aʻe. ʻO kahi wahine, ʻo kahi laʻana, he kanaka e ʻehaʻeha pinepine i kekahi o nā ʻano o ka hoʻoliʻiliʻi kāne kāne. ʻO ke kumu hoʻoholo no ka moekolohe ka moemoeā. A hoʻohālikelike ʻia nā moemoeā e ka ʻike pilikino, ka ʻike o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe (e like me ko lākou ʻano kāne a me nā ʻano) e like me ka wehewehe ʻana i nā pili kaiaulu a me nā hiʻohiʻona o ka wā ʻōpio. ʻO kahi paʻakikī haʻahaʻa kāne he paepae i nā moe kolohe he nui i hoʻokumu ʻia e ka huhū.

ʻO ka ʻike ʻole i ka piha ʻole o ke kāne kāne a i ʻole ka wahine i hoʻohālikelike ʻia i nā hoa o ka wahine like e like me ka manaʻo ʻole. He nui nā keikikāne pre-homosexual i manaʻo ʻaʻole lākou "pili" i ko lākou makuakāne, nā kaikunāne, a i ʻole nā ​​keikikāne ʻē aʻe, a ua manaʻo nā kaikamahine pre-homosexual ʻaʻole lākou "pili" i ko lākou makuahine, kaikuahine, a i ʻole nā ​​kaikamahine ʻē aʻe. Hiki i ke aʻo ʻana a Green (1987) ke hōʻike i ke koʻikoʻi o ke ʻano o ka "pili" ʻana i ka ʻike kāne a me ka hana e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ai i ka moekolohe: o nā māhoe like ʻelua, lilo ka homosexual a ʻo kekahi i ka heterosexual ʻē aʻe. Ua kapa ʻia ka inoa o ka hope me ko lākou makuakāne.

ʻO nā manaʻo o "ʻaʻole-pili", ka hemahema a me ke aloha he pili. ʻO ka nīnau, pehea ke manaʻo nei i kēia mau manaʻo i nā makemake homose? No ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kēia, pono ia e wehewehe i ka manaʻo o ka "inferiority complex."

ʻO ke keiki a me ke ʻōpio e pane maʻalahi i nā manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa a me ka "ʻole" me ka minamina ponoʻī a me ka hana pilikino ʻana. I loko, ʻike lākou iā lākou iho he mau mea kaumaha, minamina, ʻoluʻolu ʻole. Pololei ka huaʻōlelo "dratization" ponoʻī, no ka mea, hōʻike ia i ka makemake o ke keiki e ʻike iā ia iho ma ke kikowaena weliweli o ke ao holoʻokoʻa. "ʻAʻohe mea e hoʻomaopopo iaʻu", "ʻaʻohe mea aloha iaʻu", "kūʻē nā mea āpau iaʻu", "ʻehaʻeha koʻu ola" - ʻaʻole ʻae ka ʻōpio ʻōpio a ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻae i kēia kaumaha, ʻaʻole maopopo i kona relatiity a ʻike ʻole ia he mea kuewa. He ikaika a maʻalahi hoʻi ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana iā ʻoe iho no ka mea he hopena hoʻomaha iki ia, e like me ke aloha a kekahi mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i nā manawa kaumaha. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa ke aloha pilikino, hōʻoluʻolu, no ka mea aia kekahi mea momona i loko. "Aia kekahi mea voluptuous i ka uē ʻana," e like me kā ka mea haku mele kahiko ʻo Ovid i ʻōlelo ai ("Sorrowful Elegies"). ʻO ke keiki a ʻōpio paha e manaʻo iā ia iho he "ʻilihune iaʻu" e lilo ʻo ia i mea maʻa i kēia ʻano, keu hoʻi ke holo aku ʻo ia i ona iho a ʻaʻohe ona kanaka me ka hoʻomaopopo, kākoʻo a me ka hilinaʻi e kōkua iā ia e kūpale i kāna mau pilikia. ʻO ka hana pilikino ponoʻī ka mea maʻamau i ka ʻōpio, ke maʻalahi ka manaʻo o kahi ʻōpio e like me ke koa, kūikawā, kū hoʻokahi a i ka ʻeha hoʻi. Inā hoʻomau ka hana ʻona i ka minamina ponoʻī, a laila kūpilikiʻi e like me ia, ʻo ia hoʻi, kahi ʻano inferiority. ʻO ka maʻamau o ka noʻonoʻo "hemahema hemahema iaʻu" paʻa i ka noʻonoʻo. ʻO kēia "ʻilihune" i loko o ka manaʻo o kekahi e manaʻo he kāne ʻole, kiko ʻole, mehameha a "ʻaʻole pili" i kā lākou mau hoa.

I ka wā mua, hana ʻia ke aloha ponoʻī e like me kahi lāʻau lapaʻau maikaʻi, akā maʻalahi koke e hoʻomaka e hana e like me ka mea e hōʻoluʻolu ʻia ai. I kēia manawa, ʻaʻole maopopo ʻo ia i ka ʻano o ka hōʻoluʻolu ponoʻī, kahi aloha aloha iā ia iho. ʻO ke ola pilikino i lilo i neurotic pono: hilinaʻi i ka aloha-iho. Ma muli o ke instinctive, ikaika egocentrism o kahi keiki a ʻōpio paha, e hoʻomau mau ana kēia a hiki i ke kaʻawale ʻana mai kahi e aloha a hoʻoikaika i ka honua o waho. ʻO ke ʻano ʻono e hoʻomau mau ʻia ka leʻaleʻa, ʻilihune, lokomaikaʻi, keiki maoli. ʻO nā manaʻo a pau, nā ho'āʻo a me nā makemake o ke "keiki o ka wā i hala" ua hoʻohui ʻia i loko o kēia "maikaʻi maikaʻi ʻole."

Pēlā e hānai ai ka "paʻakikī" i ka minamina lōʻihi lōʻihi ʻana, kahi hoʻopiʻi kūloko e pili ana iā ia iho. ʻAʻohe mea paʻakikī ke ʻole kēia aloha keiki. Loaʻa ka manawa o ka haʻahaʻa i kekahi manawa, akā e hoʻomau lākou i ke ola inā ke aʻa paʻa ke aloha ponoʻī, a pinepine lākou i ka hou a me ka ikaika ma ka ʻumikūmālima e like me ko lākou ʻelima. ʻO "Kompleks" ʻo ia hoʻi, ua lilo ke ʻano o ka haʻahaʻa i mana kūʻokoʻa, hoʻi hou, hana mau, ʻoi aku ka ikaika i kekahi manawa a ʻoi aku i kekahi. Psychologically, noho hapa kekahi kanaka i ke keiki a i ʻole ke keiki ʻōpio e like me ia, a oki i ka ulu ʻana, a i ʻole ulu aʻe me ka paʻakikī i nā wahi e noho aliʻi nā manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa. No nā homosexuals, ʻo kēia ke kikowaena o ka ʻike pilikino e pili ana i nā ʻano kāne a me nā hana e pili ana i ka wahine.

Ma ke ʻano he mea lawe i kahi hui ʻoi aku ka haʻahaʻa, aloha ʻole nā ​​homosexuals iā lākou iho me nā "ʻōpio". ʻO ka namunamu e pili ana i ke ʻano noʻonoʻo a kino paha o kekahi, e pili ana i ke ʻano maikaʻi ʻole o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe iā ia iho, e pili ana i ke ola, ka hopena, a me ke kaiapuni ke ʻano o ka hapa nui o lākou, a me nā mea e hoʻokani ana i kahi kanaka hauʻoli mau. Ma ke ʻano he kūlana, ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike i kā lākou kaukaʻi ʻana iā lākou iho. ʻIke lākou i ko lākou hoʻopiʻi ʻana he kūpono, akā ʻaʻole like me ka neʻe ʻana mai ka pono e hoʻopiʻi a minamina iā lākou iho. Kū hoʻokahi kēia pono no ka ʻeha a me ka ʻeha. ʻO Psychologically, ʻo kēia ka quasi-pono i kapa ʻia, ka hoʻopili ʻana i ka leʻaleʻa o nā hoʻopiʻi a me ke aloha ponoʻī, ke hoʻokani nei i kahi hana weliweli.

He paʻakikī i nā poʻe lapaʻau a me nā mea noiʻi homose e hoʻomaopopo i ka kikowaena neurotic koʻikoʻi o ka hoʻopiʻi a me ka aloha iho. ʻO ka hapa pinepine, ʻo ka poʻe i lohe e pili ana i ka manaʻo o ke aloha ponoʻī, ʻike i ka manaʻo i kekahi meʻole ʻole e aloha ka maʻi aloha aloha ʻole i ka maʻi nui no ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka male. ʻO ka mea e hoʻomanaʻo pinepine ʻia a i ʻae ʻia me kēlā ʻano wehewehe, ʻo ke ʻano o ka "manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa", ʻaʻole naʻe "aloha". ʻO ka manaʻo o ke koʻikoʻi nui o ka pēpē pēpē maoli no ka neurosis a me ka homosexuality he mea hou loa; nani paha paha ma ka nānā mua. Akā, inā e noʻonoʻo pono ʻoe iā ia a hoʻohālikelike iā ia me ka nānā pilikino, hiki iā ʻoe keʻike i kona ʻano nui no ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana i ke kūlana.

3. ʻumeʻume Homosexual

E ʻimi no ke aloha a me ka pilina

"ʻO ka wī naʻau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana me nā kāne," wahi a Green (1987, 377), "hoʻoholo hou i ka ʻimi no ke aloha kāne a me ka pili kāne kāne." Ua hoʻoholo ka nui o nā kānaka noiʻi o kēia manawa i ka pilikia o ka moekolohe. Heʻoiaʻiʻo kēia ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe i ka paʻakikī o ka haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa a me ke aloha pilikino. ʻOiai, hiki i ke keikikāne ke ʻehaʻeha i ka mahalo a me ka nānā o kona makuakāne, i nā hihia ʻē aʻe - kona hoahānau a i ʻole nā ​​hoa, a hoʻohilahila ʻia iā ia e pili ana i nā keikikāne ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka hopena o ke aloha ka mea e pono ai no ka honua kāne, no ka ʻike a me ka pilina o ka poʻe ma lalo āna e manaʻo ai.

Akā, ke hoʻomaopopo nei i kēia, pono mākou e pale i ka hoʻoponopono mua ʻana. Aia kekahi manaʻo i ʻike ʻole ʻia ka poʻe i loaʻa ʻole i ke aloha i ka wā kamaliʻi a ua hōʻeha ʻia ka maʻi psychologically na kēia e hiki ai ke hoʻōla i nā hōʻeha kino ma o ka hoʻopiha ʻana i ke aloha ʻole. Hoʻokumu ʻia nā ala therapeutic kūpono e pili ana i kēia mua. ʻAʻole maʻalahi loa.

ʻO ka mea mua, ʻaʻole ia ka nui o ka nele o ke aloha i mea nui, e like me ka ʻike o ke keiki iā ia - a he kumuhana ia e ka wehewehe. Hiki i nā keiki ke kuhi hewa i ka hana a ko lākou mau mākua, a, me kā lākou hana maʻamau e hoʻokani i nā mea āpau, hiki iā lākou ke noʻonoʻo ʻaʻole makemake ʻia lākou, a weliweli nā mākua, a me ka ʻuhane like. E makaʻala i ka lawe ʻana i ka ʻike ʻōpio o ka makua ma ke ʻano he hoʻokolokolo kūpono.

Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole i hoʻopiha ʻia ka "lōʻau o ke aloha" me kahi nane o ke aloha ma loko o lākou. A ua manaʻo ʻo ia ka hopena o ka pilikia, ʻo kekahi ʻōpio ke kūlohelohe a hoʻohaʻahaʻa paha i nā kuhi: "Inā loaʻa iaʻu ka aloha nui loa, a laila ʻoliʻoli wau." Akā, inā e ʻae mākou i ia ʻano kumumanaʻo, e poina mākou i kekahi mea no ka noʻonoʻo koʻikoʻi: ʻo ke ola o kahi ʻano aloha no ka poʻe ʻē aʻe. Ma mua o kona wā ʻōpio e hoʻomaʻamaʻa nona iho iā ia iho, hiki i ke aloha ke kōkua maoli i kona hōʻoluʻolu. Aka i ka wā i pau ai ka manaʻo o ka "ʻilihune" pono, ʻaʻole ʻo ia ka ʻimi i ke aloha no kahi mea hoʻoikaika a hoʻōla, hoʻōla hoʻomoʻo ia i ka mālama ʻana i ka kūpaʻa. Ua lilo kēia hulina i ʻāpana o kahi ʻano hoʻowalewale: "ʻAʻole wau e loaʻa i ke aloha aʻu e makemake ai!" ʻO ka makemake insatiable a ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻokō ʻia kona hauʻoli. He make wai ka ʻimi ʻana i ke aloha moekolohe like ʻole a mae ʻole ke kumu, kahi ʻano iā ia iho me he "ʻano hauʻoli ʻole." ʻOiai ʻo Oscar Wilde i kanikau i kēia ala: "ʻimi mau wau i ke aloha, akā ua ʻike wau he mau ipo wale nō." Ua ʻōlelo ka makuahine o ka wahine puʻupaʻa nāna i pepehi iā ia iho, "I kona ola a pau, ua ʻimi ʻo Helen i ke aloha," akā ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā ia (Hanson 1965, 189). No ke aha hoʻi? No ka mea ua hoʻopau wau me ke aloha pilikino no ke kumu kēlā ʻAʻole lākou i aloha iā ia wahine ʻē aʻe. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, he "ʻōpio kaumaha" ia. ʻO nā moʻolelo aloha homosexual nā ʻano dramas. ʻO ka nui o nā mea aloha, ka liʻiliʻi o ka hōʻoluʻolu o ka mea maʻi.

Hana ʻia kēia hana pseudo-recovery i kahi ala like loa ma ka poʻe ʻē aʻe e ʻimi nei i ka launaʻi, a ʻike ka nui o nā neurotics i kēia. No ka mea, he mau wahine ʻōpio kekahi i aloha, a no lākou a pau ka hōʻike ʻana i ke ʻano o kahi makua mālama aloha. Me he mea lā kēlā iā lākou a hōʻoluʻolu ʻo ia iā lākou iho, no ka mea, e minamina ana ʻo ia iā ia iho no ka mea ʻaʻole aloha ʻia ʻo ia (ʻo ia pū me kāna makuakāne e hoʻomaka ai no ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kāna paʻakikī). Pehea e hiki ai iā ia ke hoʻōla i ka mea nānā i ka manaʻo ʻino o kāna "hōʻole"?

ʻO ka huli ʻana i ke aloha ma ke ʻano o ka hōʻoluʻolu o ka naʻau noʻonoʻo hiki ke lilo i passive a me ka egocentric. ʻO ka mea ʻē aʻe i ʻike ʻia ʻo ia wale nō ke aloha e "hauʻoli ʻole". Ua noi kēia i ke aloha, ʻaʻole ke aloha aloha. Hiki i kahi kāne ke makemake e like me ke ʻano nani, aloha a kuleana hoʻi, akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke pāʻani nei kēia i kahi mea ʻē aʻe. Hōʻike kūpono kēia mau mea a me ka narcissism exorbitant nui.

ʻAno "aloha"

"Aloha" i kēia hihia pono e waiho i nā kaha puanaʻī. No ka mea ʻaʻole ia he aloha maoli, e like me ke aloha o ke kāne a me ka wahine (i kona ulu kūpono) a i ʻole ke aloha i kahi aloha maʻamau. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo kēia ka manaʻo ʻōpio - "aloha puppy" a me ke kuko erotic.

E huhū paha kekahi o nā poʻe koʻikoʻi e kēia bluntness, akā he ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ʻike kekahi poʻe he mea kōkua ke alo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo no ka hoʻōla. No laila, i ka lohe ʻana i kēia, ua ʻike kekahi male kāne ʻōpio, he laʻana, he kāne kāna haʻahaʻa. Akā i ka hōʻea ʻana mai i kāna mau puke moʻolelo, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i maopopo iki hiki iā ia ke ola me ka ʻole o kēia mau kaʻanuʻu o "ke aloha" i hoʻopau i ke ola. Malia paha ʻaʻole mamao kēia aloha mai ka maikaʻi, akā…. Ua wehewehe wau iā ia ʻo kāna aloha he keiki pono ʻole ia, hoʻoliʻiliʻi ponoʻī, a no laila hoʻopunipuni. Ua huhū ʻo ia, ʻoi aku ka haʻaheo a me ka haʻaheo. Eia nō naʻe, i kekahi mau mahina ma hope mai, ua kāhea mai ʻo ia iaʻu a ʻōlelo ʻoiai ʻoiai ua huhū ʻo ia i ka mua, ua "ale" ʻo ia iā ia. A ʻo kahi hopena, ua hōʻoluʻolu ʻo ia a, no kekahi mau pule i kēia manawa, ua kaʻawale kūloko ʻo ia mai ka ʻimi ʻana i kēia mau pilina egocentric.

ʻO kekahi ʻōpiopio kāne u waena, kahi kamaʻāina ʻo Dutch, i kamaʻilio e pili ana i kona wā kamaliʻi, ʻaʻohe ona hoa, a he puka puka i waena o nā keikikāne no ka mea ʻo kona makuakāne ka lālā o ka hui Nazi. (Ua hālāwai wau me nā hihia o ka male like ʻole o nā keiki o nā "poʻe mākaʻikaʻi" o ke Kaua Honua II.) A laila ua ʻike ʻo ia i kahi maʻi ʻōpio, ʻano naʻauao a hāʻule hoʻi me ke aloha iā ia. Ua lilo kēia aloha i mea maikaʻi loa i loko o kona ola: ma waena o lākou i ʻike kahi ʻike piha ʻole; ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka maluhia a me ka hauʻoli, akā, kaumaha, no kekahi kumu a i ʻole, ʻaʻole hiki i kā lāua pilina ke hoʻomau. Hiki i kēlā mau moʻolelo ke hoʻohuli i ka poʻe maiʻa e makemake e hōʻike "mālama": "No laila ke aloha male mau ke noho nei i kekahi manawa! " A no ke aha e ʻae ʻole ai i ke aloha nani, ʻoiai ʻaʻole kūlike ia me kā mākou waiwai pilikino. Akā mai hoʻopunipuni ʻia kākou e like me ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana o kēia Hōlani iā ​​ia iho. Ua ʻauʻau ʻo ia i nā moemoeā ʻōpio o ka hoa aloha maikaʻi āna i moemoeā mau ai. Manaʻo kōkua ʻole, minamina a naʻe - aue! - he keikikāne ʻehaʻeha, ʻeha hoʻi, ua loaʻa iā ia kahi mea i aloha iā ia, a nāna hoʻi i hoʻomana a hoʻokiʻekiʻe maoli ʻia i ke kūlana o kahi akua kiʻi. I loko o kēia pilina, ua hoʻoikaika ʻo ia iā ia iho; ʻae, ua hāʻawi ʻo ia i kāna kālā i kāna hoaaloha a hana nui iā ia, akā ma hope wale nō e kūʻai i kāna aloha. ʻO kāna ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana he unmanly, beggarly, slavish.

ʻO kahi ʻōpio minamina ponoʻī ke mahalo i ka poʻe i, i kona manaʻo, i nā ʻano i nele iā ia. Ma ke ʻano he rula, mahalo ka maka o ka paʻakikī haʻahaʻa i nā homosexual no nā ʻano a lākou i ʻike ai i ka poʻe o ka moekolohe like. Inā hoihoi ʻia ʻo Leonardo da Vinci i nā punk alanui, loaʻa iā mākou ke kumu e manaʻo ai ua ʻike ʻo ia iā ia iho he ʻano maikaʻi a ʻano maikaʻi. Ua like ka mea kākau moʻolelo Palani ʻo André Gidee e like me ke keikikāne Kalvinist kaulana ʻole i manaʻo ʻia ʻaʻole e launa pū me nā keiki frisky o kona mau makahiki. A ʻo kēia hōʻoluʻolu ʻole i ulu aʻe i kahi hauʻoli ʻino i nā palaualelo hoʻomalule a me ke kuko no ka hoʻopau ʻana i nā pilina me lākou. ʻO ke keikikāne, he makuahine hoʻomaha ʻole kona, a he kūpikipiki ʻole hoʻi, ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia e mahalo i nā kāne o ka pūʻali koa, no ka mea ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka ʻaoʻao āpau i loko ona. Hoihoi ka hapa nui o nā kāne kāne i ka poʻe ʻōpio "koa" o ka hana pāʻani, ka poʻe hauʻoli a maʻalahi hoʻi. A ʻo kēia kahi e maopopo loa ai kā lākou kāne haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa - ʻaʻole hoʻohihi nā kāne effeminate i ka hapa nui o nā kāne kāne. ʻO ka ikaika o ka manaʻo wahine wahine, ʻo ka liʻiliʻi o kona ʻano maʻamau i ka wahine a ʻoi aku ke koʻikoʻi e nānā i nā ʻano wahine. ʻO nā hoa ʻelua o kahi "kāne" homosexual - ma ka liʻiliʻi ma mua - ʻume ʻia i nā ʻano kino a i ʻole ke ʻano o kekahi, e pili pū me ke kāne (wahine), e like me kā lākou e manaʻo nei, ʻaʻohe o lākou. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻike lākou i ke kāne kāne a wahine paha a ke ʻano wahine ʻoi aku ka "ʻoi aku" ma mua o kā lākou ponoʻī, ʻoiai nele lāua i ke kāne a me ka wahine. Hana ʻia ka mea like me kahi kanaka i loaʻa kahi ʻano ʻokoʻa o ka haʻahaʻa: mahalo ʻo ia i nā mea, i kona manaʻo, i loaʻa nā ʻano a me nā ʻano, ka nele o ka mea iā ia iho e hoʻohaʻahaʻa ai iā ia, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole kūlike kēia manaʻo. hoʻāpono ʻia. Eia hou, ʻaʻohe paha he kāne i makemake ʻia no kāna mau kāne kāne, a i ʻole he wahine i makemake ʻia no kāna wahine, e lilo i hoa me ka wahine kāne a wahine paha, ʻoiai he ʻano heterosexual kēia mau ʻano.

ʻO ke koho pilikino i kahi "maikaʻi" (ma kahi i kapa ʻia ʻo ia he "koho") hoʻoholo ʻia ia e nā manaʻo o ʻōpio. E like me ka moʻolelo o kahi keikikāne e noho kokoke ana i kahi mau pūʻali koa kaua a hoʻomohala i nā manaʻo no ka pūʻali koa, hiki i kēlā me kēia manawa ke hana i kahi kūlana i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kēia mau moʻolelo maikaʻi. ʻO ke kaikamahine, ua hilahila ʻia e ka ʻōpio o nā keikikāne i ke kula he ʻakaʻaka loa a "ʻĀlana" (ua kōkua ʻo ia i kona makuakāne ma ke kīhāpai), hoʻomaka iā ia e mahalo i kahi kamāliʻi maikaʻi me kahi hiʻohiʻona nani, ʻulaʻula a me nā mea like ʻole iā ia. Ua lilo kēia "kaikamahine mai ka ʻōpū mai ke ʻano nui no kāna ʻimi wahine. Heʻoiaʻiʻo nō hoʻi ka nele o nā pilina pili pili i kona makuahine i hoʻokumu ʻia i ke ʻano o ke kānalua i ka manaʻo, akā ua ala ʻia ka mea palupalu e like me ka mea i hoʻohālikelike ʻia ai ʻo ia iā ia i kēlā kaikamahine like. E kanalua nei paha hiki i nā moʻi moe wahine ke hōʻeuʻeu a hoʻomohala wale paha inā ua lilo maoli ʻo ia i hoa aloha i kēlā kaikamahine; ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hōʻike ka hoaaloha o kāna mau moemoeā iā ia. I ka wā ʻōpiopio, ua nui nā wahi o nā kaikamahine aloha i nā mea ʻala i nā kaikamāhine a me nā kumu ʻē paha a lākou e hoʻomana ai. I kēia manaʻo, ʻaʻole ʻo ka wahine moe wahine ka mea like ʻole o ka hoʻohui ʻana o kēia mau ʻōpiopio.

ʻO kahi ʻōpiopio e manaʻo nei e hoʻowahāwahā e hoʻopau i nā mea āna e mahalo nui ai i nā ʻano kūpono o kāna ʻano. ʻO ka mea huna, ʻokoʻa ʻole a me ke aloha i manaʻo ʻia e hōʻoluʻolu i kona ʻuhane ilihune ke makemake nei. I ka wā ʻōpiopio, ʻaʻole lākou i pae kūpono i ke ʻano a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano ʻano kanaka, akā ʻike pū kekahi i nā manaʻo erotic e pili ana i kēia ʻano. Ka mea pono o ka hauʻoli mai ka kiʻi kiʻi (ʻo ke kino a me ke ʻano he mea mahalo ʻia, pinepine ka luhi) hiki iā ia ke hoʻohuli i loko o kahi makemake no ke aloha pū me ia e hoʻolōʻihi i nā moe erotic.

Hiki i kahi ʻōpio wahine, i kāna mau moemoeā, ke hoʻonāukiuki i ka mea āna, i kona wā makua ʻole, lawe i nā hōʻailona o ke kāne kāne: nā kāne i nā lole ʻili, me ka ʻumiʻumi, e holo ana i ka mokokaikala, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe. nā keiki aloha... Kūleʻa lākou i ka lole o lalo, ka peni nui, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, i kekahi mea e hōʻike i ko lākou ʻōpio.

E ʻōlelo kākou i kekahi mau huaʻōlelo e pili ana i ke kumumanaʻo e ʻimi nei nā homosexuals i ko lākou makuakāne (a i ʻole makuahine paha) i kā lākou hoa. Manaʻo wau he hapa maoli wale nō kēia, ʻo ia, i ka nui o ka manaʻo o ka hoa e pili ana i ka makua kāne (a i ʻole ka makuahine) iā lākou iho, inā nele lākou i ka aloha makua a makua ʻole paha. Eia nō naʻe, i kēia mau hihia, ke kumu o ka ʻimi hoaloha me kahi mea o kāu wahine. I loko o nā moʻoʻoniʻoni o nā mea he nui, ʻaʻole ia ka nui o ka element paternal / maternal i hoʻoholo ʻole e like me ka ʻōpio a i ʻole ka ʻōpio ʻōpiopio i pili me ko lākou ʻōpio makahiki.

Kahi kūlohelohe ka ʻōpio o nā ʻano o ko lākou ʻano ma ka manaʻo maʻamau. ʻO ka nīnau nui, no ke aha e hopu ai i kahi mea i nui e kaʻi ʻana i nā mea he nui, inā ʻaʻole kēlā, he drive heterosexual? ʻO ka pane, e like me kā mākou i ʻike ai, aia ma kahi hohonu o ke ʻano haʻahaʻa e pili ana i nā hoa o ke ʻano wahine, kahi ʻano "ʻaʻole i loko o ka wahine ʻaʻole ia me ko lākou aloha. He ʻano like nā ʻano o ka Heterosexual: me he mea lā he mau kaikamahine ʻōpio nāna e hoʻowahāwahā akua hōkū i nā hōkū pop male a manaʻo ʻole lākou e aloha ʻole i nā ʻōpio. I ka ʻike o ka poʻe i ka male i ka pelekane, ʻoi aku ka ikaika o nā kiʻi kiʻi o kā lāua kāne.

Ka Hoʻoweliwahine Pelekane

Noho ka wahine kāne i kahi honua o nā pōkoki, ma mua o nā kāne āpau. Ua hōʻoluʻolu ʻia kahi ʻōpiopio e ka ʻenemi o nā moemoeā aloha. ʻO ke kikowaena ʻano like ʻole iā ia ke ʻano o ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻana i ka ʻeha, ʻo ka lani iho. Makemake ʻo ia i nā pilina pili pili aku, a ʻo ka lōʻihi o ka makemake o ia mau moemoeā i loko o kāna honua paʻa, a i ʻole masturbates, hoʻopulapula i loko o kēia mau moeʻuhane, ʻoi aku ka hoʻomaikaʻi iā lākou. Hiki ke hoʻohālikelike ʻia kēia me ka hoʻohui i ka waiʻona a me ka mokuʻāina o ka hauʻoli maikaʻi i hana ʻia e ia ma ka neurotics a i ʻole nā ​​kānaka me nā maʻi ʻē aʻe: kahi ka neʻe iki wale i ka honua maoli o nā manaʻo.

Hoʻoikaika ka masturbation pinepine i kēia mau moe aloha. No nā kāne kāne ʻōpio he nui, lilo ka masturbation i mea hilahila. Eia kekahi, ʻo kēia ʻano narcissism e hoʻoliʻiliʻi i ka hoihoi a me ka ʻoluʻolu me ke ola maoli. E like me nā mea ʻāpiki ʻē aʻe, he alapiʻi wili ia e alakaʻi ana i lalo i ka ʻimi ʻana i ka leʻaleʻa wahine i ʻoi aku ka nui. Ke holo nei ka manawa, ka makemake e komo i kahi pilina erotic, ka moemoeā a i ʻole ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, e hoʻokahuli i ka manaʻo. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa wale ke kanaka i kēia, me he mea lā e puni ana kona ola a pau i ka ʻimi mau no nā hoa kūpono o ka kāne like a me ka noʻonoʻo nui o kēlā me kēia moho hou. Inā ʻoe e nānā i kahi hoʻohālikelike i ka honua o ka hōʻalo, ua like kēia me ka holo gula a i ʻole ka pulakaumaka me ka mana, waiwai no kekahi neurotics.

Kāhāhā ʻo "Irresistible", mahalo no ke kāne a me ka wahine paha i nā poʻe i makemake i ka moekolohe, ke kumu o ke kūʻē ʻana i ka haʻalele ʻana i ko lākou nohona a, e like me nā moemoeā o ka moekolohe. Ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, ʻoluʻolu ʻole lākou i nā mea āpau, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, he mana ikaika ko lākou e mahi malū i kēia mau moemoeā. No lākou e haʻalele i ke kuko homosexual e hoʻokaʻawale me nā mea āpau e hāʻawi i ka manaʻo i ke ola. ʻAʻole hiki i ka hoʻāhewa lehulehu ʻana o ka moekolohe a i ʻole ka hoʻokolokolo kū kānāwai ʻana i ka pili pili kāne kāne ke hiki i ka poʻe ke haʻalele i kēia ʻano nohona. Wahi a nā mea i ʻike ʻia e ka psychiatrist Hōlani ʻo Janssens, i hōʻike ʻia e ia ma 1939 ma ka ʻahaʻōlelo nui e pili ana i nā pilikia o ka moekolohe, ʻaʻole hāʻawi nā homosexual he nui i ko lākou kuko hewa, ʻoiai ke kumu kūʻai o ka paʻahao pinepine. Hoʻohālikelike ʻia ka nohona homosexual e ka makemake no ka ʻeha ʻana; I ke ola maʻamau, makemake ʻo ia e paʻakikī i ka makaʻu o ka hale paʻahao. He mea ʻehaʻeha ka homosexual, a ʻo ka makaʻu o ka hoʻopaʻi, malia paha e hoʻonui i kona hoʻonāukiuki mai ka ʻimi ʻana i nā pilina pili kāne. I kēia lā, ʻimi ʻimi pinepine nā homosexuals i nā hoa i loaʻa i ka maʻi HIV, kaʻi ʻia e ka manaʻo like no ka luku iā ia iho.

ʻO ke kumu o kēia kuko kūpono ʻo ia iho, ka mea i hoʻowalewale ʻia i ka pōpilikia o ke aloha hiki ʻole. No kēia kumu, makemake nui nā kāne o nā kāne i kā lākou moeʻana i kahi kāne like ʻole i ka mea hoʻokūkū e like me ka hoʻokumu ʻana o nā moemoeā e pili ana i nā makemake makemake ʻole. ʻAʻole lākou e ʻike i ka hoa hana maoli e like me ia, a i ka wā i maopopo ai ʻo ia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua haʻalele ke ʻano neurotic iā ia.

ʻO kekahi mau memo hou aʻe e pili ana i ka moekolohe like a me nā mea ʻāpiki ʻē aʻe. E like me ka ʻalekohola a i ʻole ka lāʻau lāʻau, ʻo ka hōʻoluʻolu o ka moekolohe kāne like (ma loko a ma waho paha o ka hui kāne kāne, a i ʻole ma o ka masturbation) he egocentric wale nō. ʻAʻole aloha ka moe kolohe me ka wahine, akā, e kāhea i ka spade spade, he hana pilikino ʻole ia, e like me ke kope ʻana me ka wahine hoʻokamakama. ʻAe ʻae pinepine nā "homosexuals" me kēia kālailai. ʻAʻole hoʻopiha ke kuko pilikino iā ʻoe iho i ka ʻole, akā hohonu wale ia.

Eia nō naʻe, ʻike maopopo ʻia ka wahaheʻe a me nā mea hōʻona lāʻau e wahaheʻe iā haʻi a iā lākou iho e pili ana i kā lākou hana. Hana like nā mea hoʻopili kolohe, me nā kāne kāne like. Wahaheʻe pinepine ka wahine male male i kāna wahine; ke noho nei i loko o ka uniona homosexual - i kāna hoa; kahi homosexual e makemake ana e lanakila i ka makemake i nā pili pili kāne kāne - i kāna kauka a me ia iho. Nui nā moʻolelo kūpilikiʻi o nā homosexual i manaʻo maikaʻi ʻia e haʻi i ka haʻihaʻi me ko lākou wahi homosexual (ma muli o ka hoʻohuli haipule, no ka laʻana), akā hoʻi iki i kēia ʻano nohona pālua (me ka hoʻopunipuni maʻamau). A he mea maʻalahi kēia, ʻoiai paʻakikī loa e kūpaʻa a kūpaʻa hoʻi i ka hoʻoholo ʻana e haʻalele i ka hānai ʻana i kēia mea hōʻalo. Hopohopo no kahi ʻano kūleʻa, hele aku kēia mau mea maikaʻi ʻole, e komo ana i kahi hāʻule manuahi i ka hohonu o ka luku psychological a me ke kino, e like me ka mea i hana ʻia iā Oscar Wilde ma hope koke iho o kona hoʻohuli ʻia i ka hale paʻahao. I ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hōʻino i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe no ko lākou nāwaliwali a hoʻomāmā i ko lākou lunamanaʻo ponoʻī, lele wikiwiki lākou i ka pale ʻana i ka moekolohe a hōʻino i kā lākou kauka a i ʻole kākāʻōlelo Kalikiano, nā manaʻo a lākou i kaʻanalike ai a me nā kuhikuhi a lākou i ukali ai.

4. Neuroticism o ka moekolohe

Pūnaewele pili

ʻAʻohe mea e pono ai nā hōʻike ʻē aʻe: ua hōʻike ka maʻi ahulau o ka AIDS me ka akāka o ka moekolohe, i ka hapa nui o lākou, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka moekolohe ma ka moekolohe ma mua o nā heterosexuals. ʻO ka moʻolelo o ka ikaika o nā "ʻuniona" o ka homosexual (me kā lākou huaʻōlelo: "He aha ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka male heterosexual, ʻokoʻa ka moekolohe o ka hoa?") ʻAʻohe mea ʻē aʻe ma mua o ka propaganda e pili ana i ka loaʻa ʻana o nā pono i ke kānāwai a me ka ʻae ʻia e nā hale pule Kalikiano. I kekahi mau makahiki i hala aku nei, ua ʻae ākea ʻo Martin Dannecker (1978), kahi Kelemania kaiāulu a me ka moekolohe, he "ʻano moekolohe ʻokoʻa kā nā kāne kāne," ʻo ia hoʻi, hoʻololi pinepine nā hoa hana i kā lākou moekolohe. ʻO ke kumumanaʻo o ka "male mau," i kākau ai ʻo ia, i hoʻohana ʻia i kahi hoʻolālā e hana i kahi manaʻo lehulehu e pili ana i ka moekolohe, akā i kēia manawa ka wā e wāwahi ai ka pale. Maliʻa paha o ka noʻonoʻo ʻole no ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoiai ʻo ke kumumanaʻo o ka "male mau" e lawelawe kūleʻa nei i nā kumu o ka hoʻokuʻu ʻia ʻana, e laʻa me ke ʻae ʻana i nā keiki e nā kāne male. No laila, uhi ʻia ke kumuhana o nā pilina me ka uhi o ka wahaheʻe a me ka kaomi ʻana i nā mea i makemake ʻole ʻia. ʻO ka psychiatrist Kelemania male ʻo Hans Giese, kaulana i nā makahiki 60 a me 70, i kēlā me kēia kūkākūkā ākea a i ʻole kahi kūkā kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe ʻaʻole i haʻalele i ka manawa kūpono e hoʻokomo i ka manaʻo o ka "hui ikaika a lōʻihi", kahi laʻana i manaʻo ʻia, ʻo ia kona ola ponoʻī. Akā iā ia i hana ai i ke ola ma hope o ka haki ʻana me kahi ipo ʻē aʻe, ua hala kūleʻa ka pāpāho i kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo me ka hāmau, ʻoiai ua kūʻē wale ʻo ia i ke "kumumanaʻo o ke kūpaʻa." Pēlā nō, i nā makahiki 60, ua kū mai ke kiʻi weliweli o ke "mele nun" a Belgian ʻo Sister Surier ma ke kahua. Ke waiho nei i ka mōneka no ka pono o ke aloha "aloha" wahine, ua hōʻike ʻo ia i kēlā me kēia mea i kona ikaika a me ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā ʻano haipule. I kekahi mau makahiki ma hope mai, ua loaʻa ʻo ia a me kāna haku wahine i ka make, e like me kā lākou e ʻōlelo nei, ma muli o ke kūpilikiʻi (inā hilinaʻi kēia mana; akā naʻe, ʻo ke kahua o ka pōʻino kahi hiʻohiʻona o ka "make ma ka inoa o ke aloha").

ʻElua mau mea moekolohe homosexual - psychologist ʻo David McWerter a me psychiatrist Andrew Mattison (1984) - hoʻopaʻa ʻia 156 o nā kāne kāne male kāne hou a resilient. ʻO kā lākou hopena: "ʻOiai ʻo ka hapa nui o nā kāne male kāne e komo i loko o ka pilina me kahi manaʻo kikoʻī a manaʻo ʻole paha e mālama i ka lokahi o ka moekolohe, ʻehiku mau kāne wale nō i kēia aʻo ʻana i noho male a wahine ʻole." ʻO 4 pākēneka ia. Akā e nānā i ke ʻano o ka "monogamous moekolohe loa": ua ʻōlelo kēia mau kāne ʻaʻohe hoa ʻē aʻe i ka wā emi mai ma mua o ʻelima makahiki. ^ E Ha yM. E hoʻolohe i ka ʻōlelo a ka poʻe kākau moʻolelo: ʻo ka huaʻōlelo "ka mālama ʻana i ka hui kūʻokoʻa" i ke kūpaʻa e pono ai a lilo i mea pono no ke "hoʻokō." A ʻo kēlā mau keneka 4, hiki iā mākou ke wānana me ka mahalo e like me lākou inā ʻaʻole lākou i wahaheʻe, ua hāʻule ka pilina "ma" ko lākou pilina. No ka mea, o ke kānāwai kue ʻole kēia. ʻAʻole hiki ke ʻoluʻolu ʻia kahi hopohopoʻikele: ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o kekahi hoa no ka mea ʻoi ʻia ka leʻaleʻa kāne e ka make wai nui ʻole no ka hālāwai. hoa aloha ʻole mai kā lākou moemoeā. I ka manaʻo nui, he kāne pākela ka homosexual a pōloli mau loa.

ʻO ka huaʻōlelo "neurotic»Hoʻākāka maikaʻi i nā pilina e like me ia, e hoʻokū ana i kā lākou egocentrism: ʻimi mau i ka nānā; ke kūpikipiki mau ma muli o nā hoʻopiʻi hou: "ʻAʻole ʻoe e aloha iaʻu"; lili me ka kānalua: "Ua ʻoi aku kou hoihoi i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe." I ka pōkole, "pili nā neurotic" e pili ana i nā ʻano dramas āpau a me nā hakakā o ka wā kamaliʻi, a me ka nele o ka hoihoi ʻole i ka hoa, ʻaʻole e hōʻike i nā kuleana i hiki ʻole ke "aloha." ʻAʻole hoʻopunipuni ʻia ka kāne kāne i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe e like me ke hōʻike ʻana iā ia iho me he hoa aloha. Pono kahi hoa i kahi ʻē aʻe wale nō i ka nui e kū ai i kāna mau pono. ʻO ke aloha maoli, aloha ʻole i kahi hoa makemake e alakaʻi maoli ia i ka luku ʻia o ke "aloha" kāne kāne kāne kāne! ʻO nā "ʻuniona" o ka homosexual ka pilina pili o nā "ʻilihune ʻili" ʻelua, i lawe nui ʻia e lākou iho.

Hoʻohālikelike no ka luku iho a me ka holo

ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo o ka hōʻoluʻolu ma ke kumu o ka nohona homosexual e ukali ana mai ka nui o ka nui o ka pepehi kanaka ma waena o nā "homosexuals" i hoʻolaha ʻia. ʻO ka manawa ma hope o ka manawa e hoʻokani ka lobby gay i ka pōʻino o nā "hakakā o ka lunamanaʻo" a me "ka pilikia noʻonoʻo" kahi i ʻōlelo ʻia ai nā homosexual e ka poʻe e haʻi nei i ka moekolohe a me ka neurotic. I kēlā ala, e ka poʻe ʻilihune, hiki iā ʻoe ke lawe iā lākou i ke ola! ʻIke wau i kekahi hihia o ka pepehi kanaka ʻana i kapa ʻia e nā homosexuals Dutch militant i kapa ʻia he "hakakā o ka lunamanaʻo" i hoʻokumu ʻia e ka homosexuality, ka mea i hoʻokani leo nui ʻia ma ka pāpāho Ua haʻi ʻia kēia moʻolelo pōpilikia i ka honua e kekahi hoaaloha o ka mea i make, ka mea i makemake e hoʻopaʻi i hoʻokahi kahuna mana, nāna i hōʻino iā ia me kāna ʻōlelo kūlike ʻole e pili ana i ka moekolohe. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole pili iki kāna hoa aloha maikaʻi ʻole. ʻO nā homosexual i ʻōlelo ʻia ua lanakila i nā hakakā o ka lunamanaʻo "i kau ʻia" iā lākou, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka pepehi kanaka ma mua o nā heterosexuals o ka makahiki like. ʻO kahi noi 1978 na Bell a me Weinberg o kahi hui nui o nā homosexual i loaʻa he 20% o lākou i hoʻāʻo e pepehi kanaka, mai 52% a 88% no nā kumu pili ʻole i ka moekolohe. Hiki i nā homosexuals ke ʻimi a hoʻonāukiuki paha i nā hanana i manaʻo lākou e like me nā koa koa weliweli. ʻO ko lākou moemoeā suicidal i kekahi manawa ke ʻano o nā "kūʻē" kūʻē i ka honua waho i mea e hōʻike ai i ko lākou hoʻomaopopo ʻole ʻia a hōʻino ʻia. Ma muli o ka noʻonoʻo, makemake lākou e ʻauʻau i ke aloha ponoʻī. ʻO kēia ka mea i hoʻonāukiuki i kā Tchaikovsky hana ʻē aʻe ke inu ʻo ia i ka wai haumia mai ka Neva, a ua alakaʻi ʻia i kahi maʻi make. E like me nā aloha aloha aloha neoneo o ke kenekulia i hala i pohō iā lākou iho i ka Rhine, ke kiola nei iā lākou iho mai ka pali ʻo Lorelei, hiki i nā homosexuals o ko mākou lā ke ʻimi me ka noʻonoʻo ʻole i nā hoa maʻi maʻi HIV i mea e hōʻoia ai iā lākou iho i kahi pōʻino. Ua haʻaheo kahi homosexual ua kipi ʻo ia iā AIDS i mea e hōʻike ai i ka "solidarity" me kekahi mau hoaaloha i make i ka maʻi. ʻO ka "canonization" laulaha o nā homosexual i make i ka maʻi AIDS ke kōkua i kēia martyrdom manawaleʻa.

Hōʻike pū nā hana kolohe i ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole o ka neurotic. Ua loaʻa kahi noiʻi na MacWerter lāua ʻo Mattison i ka 43% o nā kāne male kāne a me ka maʻi ʻole. ʻO kekahi hōʻailona o ka wahine neurotic ka hoʻokūkū koi. I ka hui like like, 60% i ʻae i ka masturbation 2-3 mau manawa i ka pule (me ka hoʻohui i ka moekolohe). Nui nā kuʻina moekolohe he ʻano like ʻole hoʻi o nā homosexuals, keu hoʻi ka masochism a me ka sadism; ʻaʻole kahi ʻokoʻa a me ka moekolohe pēpē nui (e laʻa me ka pulakaumaka me ka lole lingerie, urinal and fecal sex).

Ke koena o ka ʻōpio: infantilism

I loko, he keiki kāne kāne kāne (a ʻōpio paha). ʻIke ʻia kēia hanana ma ke ʻano he "keiki ʻōhumu kūloko". Noho mau kekahi ʻōpio i ka ʻōpio ma ka ʻaneʻane i nā wahi āpau o ka lawena. no ka hapanui, kaukaʻi ʻia i ka wahi a me nā kūlana, hoʻololi ke "keiki" me ke kanaka makua.

No kahi kāne kāne makua kāne, ke ʻano, ka manaʻo a me ke ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i kahi ʻōpio ʻōpio i manaʻo ʻia he haʻahaʻa. Noho ʻo ia - ma kahi ʻāpana - kahi pale ʻole pale ʻole, hauʻoli ʻole, ʻoiai ʻo ia i ka wā ʻōpio: he hilahila, hopohopo, hopohopo, "haʻalele", keiki kāne hakakā a manaʻo ʻia ua hōʻole ʻia e kona makuakāne a me kāna mau hoa no kāna helehelena maikaʻi ʻole. he aha, i kona manaʻo, kūlike ʻole me ka nani kāne); keiki kāne hao wale, narcissistic; hoʻokalakupua, hoʻokano, hoʻokano keiki; kahi keiki unceremonious, koi, akā wiwo ʻole, a me nā mea āpau āpau i nā ʻano pākahi o ke keikikāne (a i ʻole kaikamahine) e mālama pono ʻia. Hoʻomaopopo kēia i nā ʻano lawena, e like me ke kamaʻilio ʻana i ka wā kamaliʻi i kekahi mau homosexuals, nāwaliwali, naivety, mālama kino narcissistic, ʻano o ka ʻōlelo ʻana, a pēlā aku. tomboy; nā luna koa me ke ʻano o ka hoʻohālike i ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho o ke kāne; he kaikamahine ukiuki a mau loa hoʻi nona ka makuahine i "ʻaʻole hoihoi iki iā ia," a pēlā aku. He ʻōpio i loko o kahi makua. A ma laila nō nā ʻōpio āpau: kahi hihiʻo o ʻoe iho, kou mau mākua a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.

E like me ka mea i ʻōlelo ʻia, ʻo ka manaʻo pilikino maʻamau ka hewa, hōʻole ʻia, "ʻilihune iaʻu". No laila ka huhū o nā homosexuals; "ʻohiʻohi lākou i nā pono ʻole," e like me ka psychiatrist Bergler i hoʻokau pono ai, a ʻike iā lākou iho he mau mea hōʻeha. Hōʻike kēia i ka hana pilikino ponoʻī ʻole o kā lākou mau mea hoʻouluulu, ka poʻe i hoʻohana pono ʻole i kā lākou mau neuroses e loaʻa ai ke kākoʻo lehulehu. Maʻa i ka minamina ponoʻī, lilo lākou i mea hoʻopiʻi kūloko (a i ʻole hāmama), he mau mea hoʻopiʻi mau. ʻAʻole mamao loa ke aloha ponoʻī mai ke kūʻē. No nā kāne kāne he nui, kipi kūloko (a i ʻole hāmama) i ka poʻe lawehala a me ka "kaiāulu" a me ka cynicism i paʻa.

Pili pono kēia mau mea āpau i nā pilikia i ke aloha i ka homosexual. Hoʻopili kāna mea paʻakikī iā ia iho iā ia iho; e like me ke keiki, ʻimi ʻo ia i ka nānā, ke aloha, ka ʻike a me ka mahalo iā ia. Hoʻopilikia kāna kau iā ia iho me kona hiki ke aloha, hoihoi i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, lawe i ke kuleana no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hāʻawi a lawelawe (e hoʻomanaʻo i kekahi manawa hiki i ka lawelawe ke lilo i mea e huki ai i ka nānā a me ka hōʻoia iā ʻoe iho). Akā "Hiki paha ... i kahi keiki e ulu inā ʻaʻole aloha ʻia ʻo ia?" Nīnau i ka mea kākau ʻo Baldwin (Siering 1988, 16). Eia nō naʻe, kuhi wale i ka pilikia i kēia ala. ʻOiai ʻo ke keikikāne e ʻiʻini nei i ke aloha o kona makuakāne e hoʻōla ʻia paha inā ua loaʻa iā ia kahi mea aloha e pani i kona makuakāne, ʻo kona ʻano makua ʻole ka hopena o ka hōʻoluʻolu pilikino ʻana i ka nele i ke aloha ʻole, ʻaʻole ka hopena o ka nele o ke aloha pēlā. ʻO kahi ʻōpio i aʻo e ʻae i kāna ʻehaʻeha, e kala ana i ka poʻe i hōʻeha iā ia - ʻaʻole ʻike pinepine e pili ana i ia mea, i ka ʻeha ʻana ʻaʻole ia e aloha iā ia iho a kūʻē hoʻi, a ma kēia hihia ʻoi aku ka mākua iā ia. Ma muli o ka egocentric o ke kanaka ma ke ʻano kūlohelohe, ʻaʻole maʻamau kēia ulu ʻana o ka naʻau iā ia iho, akā aia kekahi mau ʻokoʻa, keu hoʻi ke loaʻa kahi mea pani kahi ʻōpio pīhoihoi i kahi makua i hiki ke kākoʻo iā ia ma kēia wahi. Hoʻoholo ʻo Baldwin i ka hiki ʻole o ka ulu ʻana i kahi keiki aloha ʻole ʻia - i nā mea āpau, kamaʻilio ʻo ia e pili ana iā ia iho - fatalistic loa a nānā ʻole i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ke keiki (a he ʻōpio maoli nō kekahi) he kūʻokoʻa kona a hiki ke aʻo i ke aloha. Hoʻopili ka nui o nā neurotics i kēlā ʻano hana pilikino ponoʻī "ʻaʻole i aloha ʻia e kekahi mea" a koi mau i ke aloha a me ka uku mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe - mai nā kāne, nā hoa aloha, nā keiki, mai ke kaiāulu. Ua like nā moʻolelo o nā lawehala neurotic he nui. Ua ʻeha maoli paha lākou i ka nele o ke aloha i loko o ko lākou mau ʻohana, a haʻalele ʻia hoʻi, hoʻomāinoino ʻia; Eia nō naʻe, ko lākou makemake e hoʻopaʻi iā lākou iho, ko lākou aloha ʻole i ka honua i hana ʻino iā lākou, ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ka nui o nā manaʻo aloha i ka nele i ke aloha. Holo ke kanaka ʻōpio noʻonoʻo ponoʻī i ka makaʻu o ka lilo ʻana i ipo ponoʻī ʻole e hoʻowahāwahā i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, a lilo ʻo ia i mea hōʻino ʻia nona iho. Pololei wale ʻo Baldwin e pili ana i kona mau manaʻo moekolohe, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo no ke aloha maoli, akā he make wai neʻe wale no ka mehana a me ka lili.

Ke nānā nei ke "keiki o loko" ma o nā aniani o kāna hoʻoliʻiliʻi kāne kāne i nā lunamakaʻāinana o kāna moekolohe ponoʻī wale nō, akā ʻo ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe. "ʻO ka hapalua o ke kanaka - wahine - ʻaʻole i loaʻa iaʻu a hiki i kēia manawa," i ʻae ʻia kahi kāne kāne kāne kāne. I nā wahine, ua ʻike ʻo ia i ke kiʻi o kahi makuahine mālama, e like me kekahi manawa male i nā kāne a me nā mea hoʻokūkū i ka ʻimi no ka nānā kāne. Hiki ke hoʻoweliweli nui ka pilina me ka wahine o ka makahiki like no ka moekolohe, no ka mea e pili ana i nā wahine makua, manaʻo ʻo ia e like me ke keikikāne ʻaʻole hiki i ke kāne. Heʻoiaʻiʻo nō hoʻi kēia ma waho o ka moekolohe no ka pilina kāne a wahine. ʻIke nō hoʻi ka poʻe Lesbians i nā kāne me he mea hoʻokūkū: i ko lākou manaʻo, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka honua ke ʻole nā ​​kāne; Ma hope o kahi kāne, manaʻo lākou ʻaʻole palekana, a ʻo kekahi mea, lawe nā kāne i kā lākou ipo wahine. ʻAʻole maopopo pinepine ka poʻe homosexuals i ke ʻano o ka male a me ka pilina ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine; nānā lākou iā lākou me ka lili a me ka pinepine me ka inaina, ʻoiai ʻo ka "kuleana" kāne a kāne a wahine paha e hoʻonāukiuki iā lākou; ʻo ia, i kahi huaʻōlelo, ka maka o ka mea kūwaho e hoʻowahāwahā ʻia.

ʻO ka pilikanaka, ʻo nā kāne kāne (keu aku i nā kāne) i kekahi manawa lilo i ka hoʻonāukiuki i ke aloha no lākou iho. Hana kekahi i kahi moʻomeheu maoli o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ka launa aloha nui hou ʻana, ka loaʻa ʻana o ka haku i ka hana noʻeau, a hāʻawi i ka manaʻo o waho. Makemake lākou e lilo i keikikāne i aloha nui ʻia i kā lākou hui - he ʻano maʻamau kēia o ka uku panai. Eia nō naʻe, ʻano liʻiliʻi lākou i ka pae like me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe: i lalo a i ʻole kiʻekiʻe (overcompensation). ʻO ka hōʻoia pilikino Overcompensatory kahi hōʻailona o ka noʻonoʻo keiki a me ka noʻonoʻo keiki. ʻO kahi laʻana kolohe o kēia ka moʻolelo o kahi kāne kāne kāne kāne kāne ʻōpio, ka maka haʻahaʻa, a me nā maka kea. ʻO ka manaʻo i ʻike ʻole ʻia e kāna mau ʻōpio nani a waiwai hoʻi, ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia e hoʻokō i kāna mau moemoeā o ke kālā, ka hanohano a me ka maikaʻi (Korver a me Gowaars 1988, 13). Ke hoʻāʻo nei no ka hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ia iho, ua loaʻa iā ia kahi waiwai kupanaha i ka makahiki he iwakālua wale nō ona makahiki. I loko o kona hale aliʻi ma Hollywood, hoʻolei ʻo ia i nā pāʻina nui, i hele ʻia e ka holika o ke kaiāulu. Ma ka hoʻolilo ʻana i kālā he nui iā lākou, ua kūʻai maoli ʻo ia i kā lākou makemake a me ka nānā. Ua lilo ʻo ia i hōkū, e hoʻopuni mau ʻia e nā mea mahalo, ka lole a me ke kāhiko maikaʻi. I kēia manawa hiki iā ia ke uku i kāna mau ipo ponoʻī. Akā ma ke ʻano nui, he wahaheʻe kēia ao holoʻokoʻa moʻolelo i lilo i maoli - kēia "aloha", "aloha", "nani", nā "kūleʻa a pau i ke kaiāulu." ʻO ka mea ʻike i ka waiwai o kēlā ʻano nohona e hoʻomaopopo i ke ʻano maoli ʻole. Ua ʻiliʻili ʻia kēia waiwai āpau mai ka lawelawe lāʻau ʻana, ka hana hoʻopunipuni a me ka hoʻopunipuni. Ua pili kona ʻano ma psychopathy: nānā ʻole ʻo ia i ka hopena o kekahi poʻe, i kāna poʻe i hōʻino ʻia, "ua hōʻike ʻo ia i kona alelo" i ke kaiāulu i ka leʻaleʻa leʻaleʻa o ka hoʻopaʻi ʻono. ʻAʻole ia he mea nui ua make ʻo ia i ka maʻi AIDS i ka makahiki 35, no ka mea, ʻoiai ʻo ia e kaena ana ma mua iki o kona make ʻana, ua ola ʻo ia i kahi "waiwai" ʻano nui. E ʻike ka psychologist i kāna mentality he "keiki", kahi "keiki" hoʻohoka ʻia; he mea ʻaihue, mea ʻē ma waho hūnā, pōloli i ka waiwai a me nā hoaaloha; he keiki i ulu hewa, hiki ʻole ke hoʻokumu i nā pilina kanaka makua, kahi mea kūʻai ʻoluʻolu o ka "aloha aloha." ʻO kāna manaʻo luku e pili ana i ka nohona kaiaulu i hoʻokumu ʻia e kahi manaʻo o ka hōʻole ʻana: "ʻAʻole au ʻaiʻē iā lākou i kekahi mea."

ʻAʻole maʻamau ka noʻonoʻo like ʻole i waena o nā kāne like ʻole, ʻoiai ua hoʻonā ʻia ka hoʻonāukiuki ʻia e ka pānaʻi ʻole. No kēia kumu, ua manaʻo ʻia nā mea pelekane i nā mea ʻole ʻole ʻia i loko o kekahi hui a hoʻonohonoho paha. Ke hoʻomau nei ka "keiki kūloko" iā lākou me ke hōʻole ʻia a e pane aku me ka huhū. Nui nā kāne kāne i ke kane (ke kāne a me ka wahine) e hana i kā lākou iho, maʻiʻa, honua e "ʻoi aku ka" ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi "ma mua o ka mea maoli," lokomaikaʻi "; hoihoi, hoihoi, piha i "haiia", na mea haohao a me na manao, na hālāwai kūikawā a me nā makamaka, akā maoli maoli piha me nā hana i loko o ke kūlana kūlike a me nā pili i oi aku: ʻano noʻonoʻo.

No ka poʻe me ka paʻakikī homosexual, pili mau ka pilina me ko lākou mau mākua e like me ka wā kamaliʻi a me ka ʻōpio: no nā kāne, kaukaʻi ka makuahine; hoʻowahāwahā, hoʻowahāwahā, makaʻu, a i ʻole mālama ʻole i ka makua kāne; nā manaʻo ambivalent e pili ana i ka makuahine a (liʻiliʻi pinepine) ka hilinaʻi i ka makuakāne i nā wahine. Hōʻike hou ʻia kēia ʻano makua ʻole i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e makemake ana kekahi mau homosexual i nā keiki no ka mea ʻo lākou iho, e like me nā keiki, hohonu loa i ka noʻonoʻo iā lākou iho a makemake i ka nānā āpau e lilo iā lākou.

ʻO kekahi laʻana, ʻelua mau kāne like ʻole i hāpai i kahi keiki ma hope aku i manaʻo e makemake wale lākou i ka leʻaleʻa, "me he mea lā he ʻano ʻīlio. Ua hoʻolohe ka poʻe a mākou iā mākou ke hele nei i loko o ka salon me ia. Ke makemake nei nā kāne male wahine i ke keiki e hahai i nā pahuhopu like ʻole. Hāʻawi lākou i "ka makuahine-kaikamahine", no laila e hoʻohālikelike ai i ka ʻohana maoli, e hana ana i nā kumu o ka manaʻo hopohopo. I kekahi mau hihia, ke hoʻoikaika nui nei lākou e komo i ko lākou kaikamahine i hāpai i ka moe wahine. ʻO ka mokuʻāina, e hōʻoia ana i kēlā mau ʻano like ʻole, ka mea i hewa no ka mea i ka latent, akā hoʻokaumaha loa i nā keiki. ʻO nā mea hoʻoponopono ʻepekema e hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻokau i kā lākou mau manaʻo lapuwale e pili ana i ka "ʻohana", ʻo ka ʻohana ʻoi aku, hūnā ʻia i ke kaiāulu, e like me nā wahi ʻē aʻe e pili ana i ka male ʻole. No ka mea i ka hoʻoikaika 'ana i ka hoʻokō ma nā' makua "a nā mākua," pili lākou i nā 'ike' ana e 'hōʻoia' ana i nā keiki e hāpai a nā keiki kāne i hāpai i ke ola kino. ʻO kēlā "mau haʻawina" ʻaʻole pono i nā pepa i kākau ʻia. He wahaheʻe pseudoscientific kēia. ʻO ka mea i loaʻa ka ʻike maopopo loa e pili ana i nā keiki i loaʻa i kēlā "mau mākua" a loaʻa kahi hoʻomohala kūpono e ʻike pono ana i ke ʻano maʻamau a me ke kaumaha. (No ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka noiʻi o nā mākua makua kāne, ʻike ʻo Cameron 1994).

E hōʻuluʻulu manaʻo: ʻo nā hiʻohiʻona nui o ka psyche o kahi keiki a ʻōpio he egocentric noʻonoʻo a me nā naʻau. ʻO ke ʻano kamaliʻi a ʻōpio o kahi mākua me kahi ʻano homosexual e hoʻopiha ʻia e ke keiki a me kekahi manawa i ka nui o ka manaʻo nui. ʻO kāna minamina pilikino ʻole, kona aloha ponoʻī a me kahi ʻano like nona iho, me kahi "compensating" i nā pilina erotika no ka pono o "ka ʻumeʻa ʻana i ka nānā" a me nā ala ʻē aʻe e hōʻoluʻolu ai iā ia iho a me ka hōʻoluʻolu iā ia iho, he keiki wale nō, ʻo ia hoʻi, egocentric Ma ke ala, manaʻo nui ka poʻe i kahi "keiki" a lawe i kahi kūlana patronizing e pili ana i kahi lālā o kahi ʻohana homosexual, hoa a i ʻole hoa hana o kahi homosexual, mālama iā ia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo he keiki kūikawā, "palupalu".

ʻAʻohe kānalua ke pili i ka pilina o nā kāne a me nā "hui" i nā hōʻailona o ka pēpē. E like me ka pilina o nā hoaaloha ʻelua, ua piha ko kēia hoaloha ʻōpio i ka lili kāne ʻōpiopio, nā paio, kūlike, ka huhū a me nā hoʻoweliweli, a pau ʻole me ke ʻano drama. Inā ʻaʻole lākou e "pāʻani i ka ʻohana", no laila ka hoʻohanohano like ʻole, he mea ʻakaʻaka a i ka manawa like ʻole. ʻO ka mea kākau moʻolelo Kelemanʻo Luis Cooperus, i noho i ka hoʻomaka o nā kenekulia 20, e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kona ʻōpio i kona wā ʻōpio i ka pilina me kona ʻōpio hauʻoli, ikaika, a me ka hilinaʻi.

“Makemake au e noho mau me ʻAnakala Frank i nā manawa āpau! I koʻu mau moemoeā kamaliʻi, ua noʻonoʻo wau he mau wahine māua ʻo koʻu ʻanakala ”(Van den Aardweg 1965). No kahi keiki, lilo kahi male maʻamau ma ke ʻano he laʻana pehea e hiki ai i nā mea ʻelua ke noho pū. Hiki i nā "keiki o loko" mehameha kaumaha i loko o nā kāne kāne ʻelua ke hoʻohālikelike i kēlā pilina i kā lākou moemoeā - ke lōʻihi ka pāʻani. ʻO kēia nā moemoeā o nā keiki ʻōpio ʻelua i hōʻole ʻia e ka honua. ʻO kekahi makasina i hoʻopuka i kahi kiʻi o ka "mare" ʻana ma ke keʻena nui o nā wahine ʻelua Lūkini. Me ke kanalua ʻole he hōʻike ʻōpio ia o ke kūʻokoʻa a me ka hōʻoia ʻana iā ia iho, akā he pāʻani pū kekahi o ka ʻohana. ʻO kekahi o nā wahine ʻelua, ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi a me ke kaumaha, ua ʻaʻahu ʻia i ke kapa komo kāne ʻeleʻele, a ʻo kekahi, ʻoi aku ka pōkole a me ka wiwi, i ka lole o ka wahine mare. ʻO nā parody a nā keiki no ka hana a kahi ʻanakala makua a makua hoʻi a me "hoʻolaʻa mau loa". Akā ʻo ka poʻe i kapa ʻia he poʻe maʻamau i hana crazier, me he mea lā ua ʻae nui lākou i kēia pāʻani. Inā kūpaʻa lākou iā lākou iho, pono lākou e ʻae i ko lākou noʻonoʻo a me ko lākou naʻau ke ʻike i nā mea āpau e like me ka ʻōlelo hoʻomākeʻaka maikaʻi ʻole.

Neurotic ma muli o ka hoʻohewa ʻia?

"Mai ka wā kamaliʻi ʻokoʻa wau i nā mea āpau." Hiki i nā homosexuals he hapa paha, ke ʻōlelo i kēia manaʻo. Eia nō naʻe, hewa lākou inā hoʻohālikelike lākou i nā manaʻo o ka ʻokoʻa a me ka moekolohe. ʻO ka ʻae kuhihewa ʻana o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o kekahi i ka wā kamaliʻi ma ke ʻano he hōʻike a hōʻoia i ke ʻano o ka moekolohe e hōʻoia i ka makemake e wehewehe pono i ka nohona kāne kāne, e like me ka hana i hoʻolaha ākea ʻia o ka homosexual psychoanalyst R.A. Aiseya (1989). ʻO ka mea mua, hiki ʻole ke kapa ʻia kāna kumumanaʻo o ka homosexuality i ke kumumanaʻo. ʻAʻole ia e pane i ka nīnau e pili ana i ke kumu (kumu), e noʻonoʻo nei iā lākou he "mea nui ʻole", no ka mea "ʻaʻohe mea e hiki ke hana e pili ana iā ia" (Schnabel 1993, 3). Eia nō naʻe, ʻepekema ʻole loa ia ʻano manaʻo. Hiki paha ke kāhea i nā kumu o ke kanesa, ka lawehala, ka waiʻona i mea nui ʻole no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hōʻola i nā ʻano he nui o kēia mau maʻi? ʻO ka huhū o ka mea kākau a me ka cynicism ka hopena o kāna male haki a hāʻule ʻole i ka hana psychoanalytic. Ua hoʻāʻo ʻo ia, akā ua kūleʻa ʻole, a laila ua hilinaʻi ʻo ia i kahi papahana kamaʻāina e hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā ia iho: e kāhea i nā hoʻāʻo e hoʻololi i nā homosexuals, kēia mau mea i loaʻa i ka hoʻokae, kahi lawehala, a me kā lākou "kūlohelohe", kahi mea inviolable ma mua o nā kānalua. Ua hana like ʻole kahi lehulehu o nā homosexuals disaffected i kēia ala. ʻO ka Palani mua o ka neʻe moekolohe a André Gide, e haʻalele ana i kāna wahine a hoʻomaka i nā huakaʻi pedophilic, ua lawe i kēia ʻano hana keaka i kēia mau makahiki iwakālua: "ʻO wau nō wau. A ʻaʻohe mea i hiki ke hana ʻia e pili ana. " ʻO kēia ke kūpaʻa kūpale o kahi mea lanakila aloha aloha iā ia iho. Maopopo, akaka - akā, ke hoʻopunipuni nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho. ʻO ka mea hāʻawi i ka ʻike ua lilo ʻo ia no ka nele o ka ikaika a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO Aisei, no ka laʻana, ua hele mālie i ke alakaʻi ʻana i kahi ola pālua o ka ʻimi kāne kāne a me ka kauka hanohano. I loko o kēia ua like ʻo ia me kēlā "ex-gays" e lana ka manaʻo e haʻalele i ka moekolohe ma o ka hoʻohuli ʻana i ka hoʻomana Kalikiano, akā ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻokūpaʻa i ko lākou manaʻo paʻa ʻole o ka "hoʻokuʻu", a lilo loa ka manaʻolana. Hoʻohui ʻia, hoʻomāʻehaʻeha ʻia lākou e kahi "lunamanaʻo hewa". ʻAʻole kuhi ʻia kā lākou wehewehe ʻana e ka noʻonoʻo, akā ma ka pale ʻana iā ia iho.

Ma ke ʻano he psychiatrist, ʻaʻole hiki iā Aisei ke ʻae i ka loaʻa ʻana o nā ʻano "pathological and perverted" he nui i nā homosexuals (Schnabel), akā akā naʻe e wehewehe iā lākou ma ke ʻano o ka hōʻole lōʻihi: e kona makuakāne, nā hoa, a me ke kaiāulu. Neurotic? ʻO kēia nā hopena o ka hoʻokae. ʻAʻole kēia manaʻo hou; ʻimi mau ʻia ia e kēlā mau homosexuals e ʻae nei he manaʻo neurotic ko lākou, akā pale i ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i kā lākou moekolohe ma ka mālamalama o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻokaʻawale i ka makemake homosexual mai ka neurosis. Ua lohe pinepine au mai nā mea kūʻai aku: "Makemake wau e kāpae i ka neurosis, hoʻopilikia ia me kaʻu mau pilina pili kāne. Makemake wau e loaʻa ka pilina moe kolohe, akā ʻaʻole wau makemake e hoʻololi i kaʻu moe kolohe. " Pehea e pane ai i kahi noi? "Inā mākou e hoʻomaka i ka hana ma luna o kou neurotic Emotional a me ka inferiority luna, ka mea, 'akomi e loli i kou homosexual manaʻo. No ka mea he hōʻike ia o kāu neurosis. " A pēlā ʻiʻo nō. ʻO ka liʻiliʻi o ke kaumaha i loaʻa i ka wahine kāne, ʻo ka paʻa o ka naʻau, ka liʻiliʻi o ka egosentric, a ʻo ka liʻiliʻi o ka male kāne i loko ona.

ʻO ke kumumanaʻo kūwaho kūwaho o Aisei - a me nā moe kolohe ʻē aʻe - e like paha me ka ikaika. Eia naʻe, i ke alo o nā ʻike psychological, hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hāʻule. E kuhi mākou i ka "homosexual nature" ma ke ʻano ʻano hoʻoilina ʻole i hoʻoilina ʻia e ke keiki mai ka wā hānau a i loaʻa paha ma hope koke o ka hānau ʻana. Hiki paha i ka hapanui o nā makuakāne ke "hōʻole" i kēlā keiki kāne no kēia kumu? Hana ʻino loa nā makuakāne no ka mea "ʻokoʻa" kā lākou mau keikikāne me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe (a hōʻole iā lākou ma mua o ka hoʻololi ʻia ʻana o kēia "ʻokoʻa" he ʻano "homosexual"). ʻO kahi laʻana, hōʻole paha nā makuakāne i nā keiki kāne me nā kīnā? ʻOiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole! ʻAe, ʻoiai he ʻano ʻokoʻa kā ke keiki kāne liʻiliʻi, a laila, ʻoiai, e loaʻa paha kekahi ʻano o nā makuakāne e mālama iā ia me ka hōʻole ʻia, akā he nui hou aku nā mea e pane me ka mālama a me ke kākoʻo.

Eia kekahi. No ke kanaka e hoʻomaopopo i ka psychology keiki, he mea lapuwale paha ke manaʻo e hoʻomaka nā keikikāne i ko lākou ola me ke ʻano o ke aloha erotic me ko lākou mau makuakāne (e like me ke kumumanaʻo o Aisei, mai kā lākou ʻano homosexual). Kuhi kēia ʻike i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Ua makemake nā keikikāne pre-homosexual i kahi mehana, nā ʻapo, ʻae ʻia mai ko lākou makuakāne - ʻaʻohe mea erotic. A inā hōʻole nā ​​makuakāne iā lākou i ka pane ʻana, a i ʻole me he mea lā ua "hōʻole" lākou, a laila, e manaʻo maoli ʻia ua māʻona lākou i kēlā ʻano ʻano iā lākou iho?

ʻO kēia e pili ana i ka manaʻo o ka "ʻokoʻa." ʻAʻole koi ʻia kahi moʻomeheu "ʻano" i wehewehe. ʻO ke keikikāne me nā ʻano wahine, hele i ka makuahine, ma ke ʻimi nui ʻole, ʻaʻohe o ka makua a i ʻole ke ʻano kāne ʻē aʻe i ka wā kamaliʻi, e hoʻomaka ka ʻike "ʻokoʻa" i ka hui ʻana me kēlā mau keikikāne i hoʻomālaʻi piha i nā manaʻo a me ka makemake. Ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, ʻaʻole iʻike ka manaʻo o "ʻokoʻa", e like me ko Aisei hōʻoiaʻiʻo, i ka pono o ka poʻe aloha. ʻO ka hapanui heterosexual neurotics i manaʻo "ʻokoʻa" i ko lākou wā'ōpiopio. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻohe kumu e ʻike i kēia me he ʻano homose kāne.

Hoʻopilikia ʻia ka manaʻo o Aisei mai nā mea kūlike ʻole ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole loaʻa i ka helu nui o nā homosexual kekahi ʻano o "ʻokoʻa" a hiki i ka wā ʻōpio. I ka wā kamaliʻi, ua ʻike lākou iā lākou iho ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana o ka ʻoihana, akā ʻo ka hopena o ka neʻe ʻana, neʻe ʻana i kahi kula ʻē aʻe, a pēlā aku, ua ulu lākou i kahi ʻano o ke kaʻawale, no ka mea ma ke kaiaulu hou ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke hoʻopili i nā mea ʻokoʻa iā lākou i ka nohona, hoʻokele waiwai, a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano ʻē aʻe. kekahi mea ʻē aʻe.

A ʻo ka mea hope loa, inā manaʻo kekahi i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻano homosexual, a laila pono ʻo ia e manaʻoʻiʻo i kahi ʻano pedophilic, fetishistic, sadomasochistic, zoophilic, transvestic, a pēlā aku. Aia kekahi "ʻano" kūikawā o kahi mea hōʻikeʻike e pīhoihoi i ka hōʻike ʻana o kāna peni ma o ka hala ʻana iā ia. puka makani no ka wahine. A ʻo kahi Dutchman i hopu ʻia no ka hoʻokomo ʻana i ka manaʻo "irresistible" e kiu i nā wahine i loko o kona ʻuhane no ʻewalu mau makahiki hiki ke kaena i kāna "ʻano" voyeuristic! A laila ʻo kēlā wahine ʻōpio, me ka manaʻo makemake ʻole ʻia e kona makuakāne, ua hāʻawi wiwo ʻole iā ia iho i nā kāne he ʻumi mau makahiki i ʻoi aku iā ia, ʻaʻohe mea kānalua he "ʻano" nymphomaniac ʻokoʻa mai ke ʻano heterosexual maʻamau, a ʻo kāna huhū e pili ana i ke kiʻi o ka makuakāne he mea kūpono wale nō ia.

Ke hōʻike nei ʻo Aisei ka mea Pelekane iā ia iho he mea i hōʻino ʻia o ka hopena pohihihi. ʻO kēlā mau ʻike, i ke ʻano maoli, he hōʻeha pili pilikino. ʻOi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka ego nā mea i ʻike ka pili ʻana o ka homosexuality i ka ʻuhaneʻuhane ʻole loa. Inā ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo Isay ke ʻano o ke ʻano "ʻano kūlohelohe", ʻo ia hoʻi ka hoʻomohala kūlohelohe o ka pilikino male, kāna "keiki"

Neurotic ma muli o ka hoʻohewa ʻia? ʻO ka hapa nui o nā poʻe me nā manaʻo homose kāne i hoʻopiʻi ʻaʻole lākou i loaʻa i ka nui o ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻia e like me ka ʻike ʻana i ko lākou hiki ʻole ke ola i kahi ola maʻamau. E hōʻike koke aku nā mea kākoʻo o ka hoʻihoʻi i ka male male: "ʻAe, akā, ʻo kēia hōʻeha ka hopena o ka hōʻino kūwaho ʻana i loko o ka lehulehu. ʻAʻole lākou e ʻeha inā manaʻo ko ke ao nei i ka male i ka pili male. " He kumuhana āpau kēia. ʻO ka mea wale ʻole makemake e ʻike i ke kumukanawai kūlohelohe kūloko o ke kūlohelohe o ka palaki a me nā moe kolohe kekahi e kūʻai aku iā ia.

Pēlā, ʻaʻole ia e like me ka ʻike mua ʻana o ke keiki. " i ka hopena o ia ʻike ʻia i ka neurotization mai iā ʻoe iho a i ʻole nā ​​poʻe ʻē aʻe. Kuhi pololei i nā psychohistories o nā homosexual e hōʻike nei ua ʻike mua lākou i ka manaʻo "ʻole", hoʻohaʻahaʻa e pili ana i kā lākou mau hoa, ka mehameha, makemake ʻole i kekahi o nā mākua, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe. A maopopo ia no kēia kumu lākou i hāʻule ai i ke kaumaha a hoʻokau iā lākou iho i ka neuroticism. ... ʻAʻole i hōʻike ʻia ka wahine hoʻokalakupua iā ia iho ma mua, akā mahope и a i ka hopena kēia mau manaʻo o ka hōʻole.

Pono ka poʻe homososa?

Pēlā paha? Hiki i kekahi ke pane i ka hōʻoia inā ʻo ka hoʻokae kaiaulu ke kumu o ka piʻi nui ʻole o nā maʻi neurotic, ka moekolohe a me ka pilina kanaka i nā homosexuals. Akā ʻo ke ola o nā homosexual non-neurotic he fiction. Hiki ke ʻike ʻia kēia ma o nā mea e nānā ai a me ka nānā ʻana iā ʻoe iho o ka poʻe homosexual predisposed. Eia kekahi, aia kahi pilina paʻa ma waena o ka moekolohe a me nā psychoneuroses like ʻole, e like me ka obsessive-compulsive syndrome a me ka rumination, phobias, nā pilikia psychosomatic, neurotic depression a me nā mokuʻāina paranoid.

Wahi a nā noiʻi e hoʻohana ana i nā hoʻokolohua noʻonoʻo, ua hōʻike i nā pūʻulu o nā poʻe homosexally predisposed ka poʻe i hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi loa e ʻike i ka neurosis a "neuroticism" paha i hōʻike i nā hopena kūpono. Eia kekahi, kahi i hoʻonaninani ʻia a i ʻole ʻē aʻe nā mea hōʻike ʻole, ʻaʻole paʻa ʻia nā mea like ʻole me ka neurotics (Van den Aardweg, 1986).

[Hoʻomaʻamaʻa: hōʻike ʻia kekahi mau hoʻokolohua ma mua o nā hoʻokolohua no ka neurosis, ʻoiai ʻaʻole naʻe.]

ʻO kekahi poʻe e ʻeha nei i kēia maʻi mai ka manawa mua ʻaʻole like he neurotic. I kekahi manawa e ʻōlelo lākou e pili ana i kahi pelekane, hauʻoli ʻo ia a maona ʻo ia a ʻaʻole e hoʻopā i nā pilikia. Eia naʻe, inā e kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻoe iā ia a aʻo hou aku e pili ana i kona ola pilikino a me ka honua o loko, a laila ʻaʻole hōʻoia kēia manaʻo. E like me ka "male, ʻo ka hauʻoli, a me ka ikaika o ka male ʻole," ʻo kahi nānā nui ʻaʻole ia e hōʻoia i ka manaʻo mua.

ʻAha ma nā moʻomeheu ʻē aʻe?

"ʻAʻole ʻae kā mākou moʻomeheu Iudaio-Karistiano i ka" variant "o ka homosexual, ʻokoʻa nā moʻomeheu ʻē aʻe i manaʻo ʻia he maʻa mau" kahi moʻolelo kaʻao ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole i loko o kekahi moʻomeheu a i ʻole au he homosexuality - i hoʻomaopopo ʻia ma ke ʻano he mea ʻoi aku ka ikaika i nā lālā o ka wahine like ma mua o nā lālā o ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe - ua manaʻo ʻia ʻo ia ka maʻamau. ʻO nā hana moekolohe ma waena o nā lālā o ka moekolohe like, i kekahi manawa, e manaʻo ʻia he ʻoluʻolu i kekahi mau moʻomeheu, keu hoʻi inā pili lākou i nā hana hoʻomaka. Akā noʻonoʻo mau ka homosexual maoli ma waho o ka maʻamau.

A i loko o nā moʻomeheu ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole like like ka like o kā ka male male. Pehea ka nui o ka male i ka moʻomeheu i kā mākou moʻomeheu? ʻOi aku ka liʻiliʻi ma mua o nā pelekane a me nā manaʻo media. Loaʻa i ka manaʻo o nā kāne he hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha o ka heluna nui o ka lehulehu, e komo pū me nā bisexuals. ʻO kēia hapākena, hiki ke hoʻokaʻawale ʻia mai nā mea i ʻike ʻia (ʻo Van den Aardweg 1986, 18), i ʻike mua ʻia e ka Alan Guttmacher Institute (1993) i mea maoli no ka United States. Ma UK, ʻo kēia pakeneka ʻo 1,1 (Wellings et al. 1994; no ka ʻatikala loa ʻana o ka ʻikepili i kēia kumuhana, ʻike iā Cameron 1993, 19).

Ma waho o nā tausani mau kānaka o ka ʻohana Sambia liʻiliʻi i New Guinea, hoʻokahi wale nō male kāne. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, he Pedophile (Stoller a me Gerdt 1985, 401). ʻAʻole ia i wehewehe wale i ka ʻano nui o kāna kāne, akā, ʻo kāna ʻano i ka wā maʻamau: ʻo ia ka "anuanu", "hōʻoluʻolu i nā kānaka" (hōʻike i ka hoʻohilahila, a ʻole i loko o ka lehulehu), "mālama ʻia", "gloomy", "i ʻike ʻia no kāna ʻano hoʻomākeʻaka". ʻO kēia ka wehewehe ʻana o kahi neurotic, kahi kānaka waho waho e manaʻo nei e hoʻohaʻahaʻa a hoʻowahāwahā i "nā mea ʻē aʻe."

Ua "hanohano" kēia kāne e ka hōʻalo ʻana i nā hana kāne e like me ka hopu holoholona a me ka hakakā ʻana e like me ka hiki iā ia, ke makemake nei e kanu i nā mea kanu, ʻo ia ka hana a kona makuahine. ʻO kāna kūlana socio-psychological i hāʻawi i ka ʻike i ke kumu o kāna neurosis moekolohe. ʻO ia wale nō ke keikikāne kūpono ʻole a kahi wahine i haʻalele ʻia e kāna kāne a no laila hoʻowahāwahā ʻia e ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa. Me he mea lā ua nakinaki ikaika loa kahi wahine i haʻalele ʻia i ke keiki iā ia iho, ʻo ia ke kumu i ulu ʻole ai ʻo ia e like me nā keikikāne maʻamau - he ʻano maʻamau ia no nā keikikāne pre-homosexual i kā mākou moʻomeheu, ka mea a ko lākou mau makuahine i ʻike maʻalahi ai ma ke ʻano he kamaliʻi, a i ka nele o nā makuakāne, noho pū me lākou pili kokoke. Ua huhū ka makuahine o kēia keikikāne me ka lāhui kāne āpau a no laila, e like paha me ka manaʻo o kekahi, ʻaʻohe mea nui e hoʻāla i kahi "kāne maoli" mai iā ia. ʻO ke ʻano o kona wā kamaliʻi e ka noho kaʻawale a me ka hōʻole ʻia - ke keiki hoʻohilahila a ka wahine haʻalele. He mea nui ia, ʻokoʻa i nā keikikāne o kona mau makahiki, ua hoʻomaka nā moʻo moekolohe ma kona wā ʻōpio. ʻAʻole hōʻike nui nā fantasies i ka moekolohe ma o lākou lā e like me ke kōkua e lanakila i nā ʻokoʻa ikaika. I kēia hihia, maopopo lea kēia, ʻoiai ua aʻo ʻia nā keikikāne āpau o kēia ʻohana i ka moekolohe: ʻo ka mua me nā keiki nui, ma ke ʻano o nā hoa passive; a laila, ke ulu a makua, me ka poʻe ʻōpio, i ke kūlana o ka poʻe hana. ʻO ke kuhi o kēia hana hoʻolauna no nā ʻōpio e loaʻa ka ikaika o ko lākou ʻelemakule. I ka iwakālua o ko lāua male ʻana. A he aha ka mea hoihoi, me ke ala o kēia hanana, kā lākou lilo nā moe a heterosexual ʻoiai ka hana mua o ka homosexualive passive a me ka hana. ʻO ka pedophile homosexual wale nō i ka ʻohana i nānā ʻia e Stoller lāua ʻo Gerdt, ke moe kolohe nei me nā kāne ʻelemakule ma kahi pā me nā keikikāne ʻē aʻe, maopopo leʻa ʻaʻole i pili ka pilina me lākou, no ka mea ua kau ʻia kāna mau moemoeā keikikāne... Mai kēia mea hiki iā mākou ke hoʻoholo ua ʻike ʻeha ʻo ia i ka hōʻole ʻia e kāna mau hoa a manaʻo iā ia he ʻokoʻa, ʻo ka hapanui mai nā keikikāne ʻē aʻe, kahi ʻē.

Hōʻike ka laʻana o ka ʻohana Sambia i ka like ʻole o nā hana moekolohe me nā hoihoi homosexual. Kākaʻikahi ka "homosexuality" ma ka hapa nui o nā moʻomeheu. Ua haʻi mai kahi Kashmiri i aʻo ʻia iaʻu i kona kūʻiʻo ʻole i ka loaʻa ʻole o ka moekolohe ma kona ʻāina, a ua lohe wau i ka mea like mai kahi kahuna mai i hana ma mua o kanahā mau makahiki ma ka ʻākau hikina o Brazil, kahi kamaʻāina o ia wahi. Hiki iā mākou ke hoʻopaʻapaʻa aia kekahi mau hihia latent, ʻoiai ʻaʻole maopopo kēia. Hiki ke manaʻo ʻia ʻo ka ʻokoʻa i kēlā mau ʻāina e mālama ʻia ai nā keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine, a me ka mālama lōkahi ʻana o nā keikikāne me ke keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine, me ke ʻano kūpono, he hana pale maikaʻi loa ia. Paipai ʻia nā keikikāne e manaʻo e like me ke keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine e paipai e like me nā kaikamahine.

Hoʻopiʻi

Hiki i ke aʻo ʻana i ka ʻohana Sambia ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke kōkua ʻana o ka seduction i ka ulu ʻana o ka moekolohe. ʻAʻole hiki ke noʻonoʻo i ka seduction i kumu kumu hoʻoholo i nā keiki a me nā ʻōpio me ka hilinaʻi maʻamau o ka wahine. Eia nō naʻe, ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka hāʻawi ʻia ʻana i mau kekeke. Ua ʻike ʻia kahi noiʻi Pelekane ʻoiai ʻo 35% o nā keikikāne a me 9% o nā kaikamahine i nīnau ʻia i ʻae ʻia i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hoʻowalewale iā lākou me ka homosexual, ʻo 2% wale nō o nā keikikāne a me 1% o nā kaikamahine i ʻae. I kēia hihia, hiki iā mākou ke nānā i kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo mai kahi ʻaoʻao ʻokoʻa. ʻAʻole kūpono ʻole ke kuhi ʻana he hiki ke hōʻino i ka hoʻopunipuni ke loaʻa i kahi ʻōpio ke ʻano haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa kāne a i ka wā i hoʻomaka ai kāna moemoeā ʻōpio i nā mea o kāna kāne ponoʻī. ʻO Seduction, i nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, hiki ke hoʻokūpaʻa i ka hoʻokumu ʻana o ka moekolohe, a i kekahi manawa e hoʻā ʻia ka makemake kāne kāne i kēlā mau ʻōpio ʻōpio ʻole e pili ana i kā lākou kāne kāne. Ua haʻi mai nā kāne moe kāne iaʻu e pili ana i kēia i nā manawa he nui. Ke hele nei kahi moʻolelo maʻamau e like me kēia: "Hoʻokahi homosexual i mālama iaʻu me ka lokomaikaʻi a hoʻāla i ke aloha iaʻu. Ua hoʻāʻo ʻo ia e hoʻowalewale iaʻu, akā i ka mua ua hōʻole wau. Ma hope ua hoʻomaka wau e moemoeā e pili ana i ka moekolohe ʻana me kekahi kanaka ʻōpio aʻu e makemake ai a me nā mea aʻu e makemake ai e lilo i mau hoaaloha. " No laila, ʻaʻohe hewa ka hoʻopunipuni e like me ka makemake o kekahi e hōʻoia iā mākou (ʻo kēia manaʻo ka hoʻolaha o pedophilia a me ka lawe ʻia o nā keiki e nā homosexuals). Pēlā nō, ʻo ka "lewa moekolohe" i ka home - ponokala kiʻi, kiʻi ʻoniʻoni - hiki nō hoʻi ke hoʻoikaika i nā makemake kāne a me ka wahine ʻole i wehewehe ʻole ʻia. E lilo paha kekahi mau homosexuals i wahine heterosexual inā ʻaʻohe o lākou moemoe moekolohe ma ke ʻano koʻikoʻi o ka ʻōpio ʻōpio ʻano ʻole. Hiki paha iā lākou ke ulu mālie i ko lākou wā ʻōpio, papau, hoʻoliʻiliʻi erotic o nā hoaaloha a me nā kiʻi o kā lākou moekolohe. No kekahi mau kaikamahine, kōkua ka moʻo hoʻowalewale heterosexual, a i ʻole hoʻoikaika ʻia, nā ʻike pili kāne kāne ma mua. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki ke noʻonoʻo ʻia kēia wale nō ke kumu; ʻaʻole pono iā mākou e nalo i ka pilina me ka hoʻomohala mua o ka manaʻo o ka hala ʻole.

5. ʻO ka moekolohe a me ka pono

Hōʻike pilikino a me kou noʻonoʻo

ʻO ke kumuhana o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana e ʻike nui ʻia e ka ʻekekema a me nā psychiatry. Ke hoʻololi nei i kahi huaʻōlelo hoʻonaninani maikaʻi i ka manaʻo o ka noʻonoʻo, ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo Freud's superego, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke wehewehe i ka pupule ʻekikema o kahi naʻauao maikaʻi o ke kanaka. ʻO ka superego ka mea i manaʻo ʻia ma ke ʻano he maʻa o nā rula o ka iʻa. ʻAʻole maikaʻi nā mea “maikaʻi” a me ka “maikaʻi ʻole” i ke ʻano kūpono, akā ma ke ʻano o nā moʻomeheu, kūpono. Ua ʻōlelo ke kumumanaʻo ma hope o kēia kumumanaʻo e pili ana nā meaʻala a me nā kumu waiwai: "ʻO wai lā wau e haʻi aku ai iā ʻoe i ka mea maikaʻi no ka ʻoe a me ka hewa; ka mea maʻamau a ʻaʻohe mea ʻole. "

I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo kēlā me kēia kanaka, e pili ana i ke kanaka o kēia au, i kekahi ala a i ʻole kekahi, ʻoi aku a ʻike maopopo paha e pili ana i ke ola ʻana o "mau loa", ʻoiai ua kāhea ʻia lākou e nā kānāwai kahiko, pili pono a hoʻokaʻawale ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka ʻaihue, wahaheʻe, hoʻopunipuni, kipi, pepehi kanaka , rape, a me nā mea ʻino like ʻole (hewa nā hana iā lākou iho), a me ka manawaleʻa, ka wiwo ʻole, kaʻoiaʻiʻo a me ke kūpaʻa - e like me ka maikaʻi a me ka nani ma ke ʻano. ʻOiai ʻo ka pono a me ka moekolohe ka mea nui i ka hana a haʻi (Wilson 1993), ʻike mākou i kēia mau ʻano i loko o mākou iho kekahi. Aia kahi ʻokoʻa i loko o nā hana a me nā manaʻo kūlohelohe, no ka pehea e ʻimi ai ka ego e kāohi i kēia ʻokoʻa, i mea e haʻalele ʻole ai i kēia mau hana a me nā manaʻo. ʻO kēia hoʻokolokolo pono i loko ka hana o ka ʻike maoli. ʻOiai he ʻoiaʻiʻo kekahi o nā hōʻike o ka pono pilikino ponoʻī he neurotic a kekeʻe ka loiloi ʻia o ka lunamanaʻo, i ka hapanui o nā hihia e hōʻike ka lunamanaʻo kanaka i nā ʻike kūpono i ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o nā "prejudices moʻomeheu." E pau kā mākou wahi inā hoʻomaka mākou e hoʻolako i ka ʻike psychological a me nā ʻike e kākoʻo i kēia ʻike. Eia nō naʻe, i ka mea nānā pono ʻole, ʻike maopopo ʻia ke ola ʻana o ka "ʻike maoli".

ʻAʻole nui kēia ʻōlelo, no ka mea, ʻo ka lunamanaʻo kahi manaʻo psychic e hoʻowahāwahā maʻalahi ʻia i nā kūkā kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā kumuhana e like me ka moekolohe. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke haʻalele ʻole i ke ʻano o ka kaohi ʻana o ka lunamanaʻo, ka mea, e like me Kierkegaard, ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka kaomi ʻana i ka moekolohe. ʻAʻole paʻa ka suppression o ka lunamanaʻo a me ka ʻole o nā hopena, ʻoiai i kapa ʻia he psychopaths. ʻO ka ʻike i ka hewa a i ʻole, ma nā ʻōlelo Kalikiano, hoʻomau ka lawehala i ka hohonu o ka puʻuwai.

ʻO ka ʻike o ka ʻike maoli a me kāna kaomi ʻana he mea nui ia no kēlā me kēia ʻano "psychotherapy". No ka mea ʻo ka lunamanaʻo ka mea komo mau i ka hoʻoikaika a me ka lawena.

(ʻO kahi hiʻohiʻona o ka noʻonoʻo psychological i ka makemake ʻole o ka wahine i ka moekolohe ponoʻī e like me ka moekolohe o nā mea ʻē aʻe ke kūpikipiki o ka moekolohe i ka pedophilia. : "Ka moekolohe me nā keiki liʻiliʻi!" Ua hōʻike hou ʻo ia i ka manaolana e hoʻohalahala ʻia ka lawehala a loaʻa i kahi palu maikaʻi ("De Telegraaf" 1993, 19). Hele koke ka manaʻo i ka manaʻo: e hoʻohana i nā keiki hala ʻole a me nā ʻōpio e hōʻona i kekahi. kuko hewa ʻole - haumia kēia. "Ua hōʻike kēia kanaka i kona hiki pono no ka hana maʻamau maʻamau i ka hana a nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, a i ka manawa like - ka makapō i ka loiloi ʻana i kā lākou hana ponoʻī e hoʻowalewale i ka poʻe ʻōpio a me nā ʻelemākule i nā hana kāne kāne like ʻole a hoʻonui i kā lākou uku: ka makapō like, ka mea e haohao ai kēlā pedophile e pili ana i kāna moekolohe.)

ʻO kahi mea lapaʻau i ʻike ʻole i kēia, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomaopopo pono i ka mea e hana nei i loko o ke ola o nā mea kūʻai aku he nui, a ke pilikia nei ke kuhi hewa ʻana i nā ʻano nui o ko lākou ola a hana ʻino iā lākou. ʻAʻole ia e hoʻohana i ka mālamalama o ka luna o ka manaʻo o ka mea kūʻai, ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻāwili i ke ʻano o ke koho ʻana i nā ala kūpono a me nā hoʻolālā kūpono. ʻAʻole kekahi o nā poʻe loea i loko o kēia mau mea i hōʻike i nā hana o ka ʻike maoli (ma mua o Freudian ersatz) ka mea nui i ka mea nui, ʻo ka mea i nā mea maʻi me nā maʻi noʻonoʻo kino, ʻoi aku ka ikaika ma mua o ka kaulana psychiatrist kaulana ʻo Henri Baryuk (1979).

ʻOiai kēia, he mea paʻakikī ka hapa nui o kēia mau lā e hōʻoia iā lākou iho, me ka hoʻohui ʻana i nā loina o nā pono āpau āpau, pono e loaʻa nā loina o ka nohona āpau i ka moekolohe. Akā, i kūlike ʻole i ke ʻano o ka moekolohe ma ka wahine kaokoa, ua kapa ʻia nā ʻano moekolohe a me nā makemake he "haumia" a "hoʻopailua." I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole i loli nui ka manaʻo o ka poʻe e pili ana i ka moekolohe moekolohe (keu hoʻi i ka hana a haʻi). ʻO ke kuko moekolohe, e ʻimi nei i ka hōʻoluʻolu nona iho, me a i ʻole me kahi mea ʻē aʻe, i kumu ai i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe kahi manaʻo kūikawā o ka hōʻole a me ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻia hoʻi. ʻO ka mea ʻāpiki, ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe ponoʻī i ka moekolohe maʻamau - ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe ma nā ʻōlelo Kalikiano - mahalo ʻia a hoʻohanohano ʻia.

ʻO ke ʻano o nā mea kolohe hewa i kēlā a me nā wahi a pau i manaʻo ʻia he mau mea ʻole, akā, ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i kā lākou ʻano maoli a me ke kumu ʻole, akā ke ʻano pū kekahi. Pēlā hoʻi, ʻike lima a ka ʻūhā, ʻike ʻoliʻoli a me ka hoʻi ka mea i ʻike ʻia e ka poʻe e mamao loa ia mai kēlā ʻano hana, me ka inaina. No laila, ʻo ka hana ʻo ke kāne i ke ʻano he kuhi hewa loa i ka poʻe. No kēia kumu, 'aʻole pili nā kāne male i ka pale o ko lākou ola i kā lākou hana, akā no ka mea, ua aloha' ia ka 'aloha' ma nā ʻano a pau. A e wehewehe i ka hewaʻino o ka psychologically maʻamau i hili ʻia i ka poʻe, ka ʻatikala lākou i ka manaʻo o ka "homophobia", ka hana maʻamau. Akā he nui o lākou, a ʻaʻole wale ka poʻe i loaʻa i ke ʻano hoʻohakiʻi ʻana iā Christian, ua manaʻo lākou ua hewa lākou no kā lākou ʻano (no ka laʻana, he ʻōlelo hoʻohālikelike kekahi wahine aloha iā ia no ka "manaʻo o ka hewa" ma Howard 1991). Nui ka poʻe i huhū iā lākou iho ma hope o ka lilo ʻana i ka male. Nā ʻōkuhi o nā hala hala i loko o kēlā mau mea i kāhea aku i kā lākou mau kontak akā ʻaʻole i nani. Hōʻike ʻia kekahi mau hōʻike o ka hopohopo, ke kuhi, hiki ʻole i ka ʻoliʻoli maoli, kahi ʻano e hoʻāhewa a hoʻonāukiuki ʻia e ka leo o "ka hewa hewa". He paʻakikī loa ka moekolohe ke ʻike i ka ʻoluʻolu e pili pono ana i ka maikaʻi. Hoʻoikaika ka hoʻoweliweli i ke ʻano o ka manaʻo hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka noʻonoʻo pono ʻole, akā naʻe, ʻaʻole ia i ka hopena.

ʻO kēia ka hopena o ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa maikaʻi loa a maikaʻi loa no ka hoʻoleʻikepili i ke kū ʻana i kona mau moeʻuhane e lilo i kāna manaʻo ponoʻī o ka maʻemaʻe a me ka mea haumia. Akā pehea e lawe ai ia i ka noʻonoʻo? Ma kaʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia iho, ma ka noʻonoʻo malū, ke aʻo ʻana e hoʻolohe i ka leo o kona manaʻo a ʻaʻole hoʻi e hoʻolohe i nā manaʻo kūlohelohe e like me: "No ke aha?" A i ʻole "ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻōki i ka hoʻoluhi ʻana i kēia makemake" a i ʻole "he kuleana kaʻu e hahai ai i koʻu ʻano" . ^ E Ha yM. Hāʻawi i kahi manawa manawa e aʻo ai e hoʻolohe. E noʻonoʻo i nā nīnau: "Inā hoʻolohe pono a nānā ʻole au me ka hakakā ʻole i nā mea e hana nei i loko o ka puʻuwai o koʻu naʻau, pehea lā e pili ai i kaʻu ʻano moe? Ke haʻalele ʻole iā ia? ”ʻO ke pepeiao wale nō ka wiwo ʻole e hoʻolohe ia i ka pane a aʻo i ka ʻōlelo aʻo a ka naʻau makemake.

Ka haipule a me ka male

ʻO kekahi ʻōpiopio ʻōpio e loaʻa nei nā ʻano i ʻole nā ​​kāne i ʻole ka mea, i ka heluhelu ʻana i ka Baibala, ua ʻike ʻo ia i nā kumu e hoʻokuʻi ai i kona noʻonoʻo me ka pilina o ka wahine i pili iā ia i kēlā manawa, i hoʻolako iā ia e noho i kaʻiʻo Karistiano. E like me ka mea e lana ʻia, ma hope o kekahi manawa ua haʻalele ʻo ia i kēia manaʻo, hoʻomau ia i kāna ʻano, a lana ʻia kona mau manaʻo. ʻO kēia kahi o ka ʻōpio o nā ʻōpio e ho'āʻo nei e hoʻokau i nā mea hiki ʻole ke hoʻohālikelike ʻia. Inā hoʻokae lākou i ka manaʻo ʻana iā lākou iho he maikaʻi a nani hoʻi ka male, a laila e nalowale ana lākou i ka hilinaʻi a hoʻopaʻa ʻia paha i kā lākou, e ʻae i kā lākou makemake. ʻAʻole hiki ke helu ʻia nā hiʻohiʻona o nā hiki ʻelua. No ka laʻana, ka mea hana kaulana Keleman kaulana, he Katolika, hana i kēia manawa i ke ʻano o ke kahuna impostor nāna "hoʻopōmaikaʻi" i nā kāne ʻōpio (ʻaʻole ka waiho ʻana i nā kāne like ʻole, ʻoiaʻiʻo) i nā hana mare a mālama i nā hana i kahi hoʻolauleʻa.

No laila, he nīnau hoihoi i hāpai ʻia: no ke aha e nui ai nā kāne pelekane, nā Pelekane a me nā Katolika, nā kāne a me nā wahine, makemake i ke kumu aʻoaʻo a lilo pinepine i mau minita a i ʻole kahuna? ʻO ka mahele o ka pane e pili ana i kā lākou pēpē pono e makaʻala a me ka hohonu. ʻIke lākou i ka lawelawe pule ma ke ʻano he "mālama maikaʻi" a nānā, a hōʻike lākou iā lākou iho i mea iʻike ai a mahalo ʻia i luna o nā kānaka maʻamau. Hōʻike ʻia ka Hōʻike e like me kahi honua ʻokoʻa ʻole mai ka hoʻokūkū, kahi hiki iā lākou ke leʻaleʻa i kahi kūlana kiʻekiʻe a aia hoʻi i ka manawa like. No nā kāne ʻokoʻa ʻē aʻe kekahi ʻano mea i hoʻohui ʻia ma ke ʻano o ke kaiāulu kāne i pani ʻia i mea ʻole lākou e koi i ka hōʻike ʻana iā lākou iho he kāne. Hoʻohālikelike ʻia ka poʻe Lesbiia e kekahi kaiāulu wahine ʻoi aku, ka mea e like me ka ʻauhau. Eia kekahi, makemake kekahi i kēlā kuʻikahi e hui pū ai me nā ʻano kanaka a me nā ʻano o nā kahu hipa a kūpono hoʻi i ko lākou ʻano pilikino aloha a me nā haʻahaʻa. Ma ka Katolika a me ka Orthodoxy, he nani nā kahe o nā kāhuna a me nā aesthetics o nā hana, kahi no ka ʻike wahine i nā kāne o nā kāne ʻoi aku ka ʻano wahine a hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokuʻi iā ʻoe iho i ka ncissististically, kahi hoʻohālikelike ʻia me ka leʻaleʻa exhibitionistic i loaʻa e nā mea hoʻokani kāne.

Hōʻike kuhi hiki i nā lesbians i hoihoi i ka hana a kahuna. Ma kēia hihia, no nā mea i loaʻa ke aloha, hiki i ka manaʻo ke hoʻomaopopo i ka lehulehu, a hiki i ka hiki ke hoʻomālamalama i ka poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻOiʻoi loa, ʻaʻole hoʻopiʻi kekahi mau ʻā Kristiano i ka makemake o nā kāne like ʻole i ka hana kahuna; i kekahi o nā kuʻuna kahiko, i ka wā kahiko, no ka laʻana, he hana like nā kāne o nā kāne like ʻole.

No laila, ulu ka nui o ia mau manaʻo mai nā manaʻo pilikino e pili ʻole i ka manaʻo hoʻomana Kristiano. A ʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe i manaʻo ʻia kekahi mau kāne ʻoihana like me ka "ʻoihana" no ka lawelawe, he makemake nui ia i kahi ʻano ʻoluʻolu, akā egocentric, ke ʻano ola. ʻO kēia "kāhea" i ka hoʻopunipuni a me ka wahaheʻe. He mea pono ʻole, ʻōlelo kēia mau minerala a me nā kahuna i mau ʻāpana a me nā manaʻo o nā manaʻo kuʻuna, a me ka manaʻo nui kūloko i ka manaʻo, a me kahi manaʻo kuhihewa i ke aloha. Eia kekahi, makemake lākou i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi loea kāne i loko o nā kaiāulu pule. Ke hana nei lākou i kahi hoʻoweliweli huna i ka ʻōlelo aʻo a hoʻowalewale i ka hui ʻana o ka halepule me ko lākou ʻano o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i nā pūʻulu luku e manaʻo ʻole ʻia ana lākou i ka ʻekepono halepule o ka hale pule. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, maʻamau lākou i ka pale a me ka ikaika o ke ʻano e pono ai e hoʻokō i ka ʻōlelo aʻo a nā makuakāne makua.

Hiki i ke kelepona ʻoiaʻiʻo ke hele pū me ka hana pilikino? ʻAʻole wau e hōʻole i kēia; I nā mau makahiki, ua ʻike wau i kekahi mau ʻokoʻa. Akā, ma ke ʻano he lula, he ʻano homose kāne, inā hōʻike ia iā ia iho i ka hana a i hōʻike wale ʻia i loko o kahi ola pilikino pilikino, pono ʻia e ʻike ʻia he mea hōʻike ʻole ke kumu nui o ka makemake i ka ʻoihana kahuna.

6. Ke kuleana o ka therapy

He mau ʻōlelo e pili ana i ka "psychotherapy"

Inā ʻaʻole wau e kuhihewa i kaʻu helu ʻana, ua hala nā lā maikaʻi loa o ka "psychotherapy". ʻO ke kenekulia iwakālua ka manawa o ka psychology a me ka psychotherapy. ʻO kēia mau ʻepekema, e hoʻohiki nei i nā mea hou i ʻike ʻia ma ke kahua o ka ʻike kanaka a me nā ʻano hana hou no ka hoʻololi ʻana i ka lawena a me ka hoʻōla ʻana i nā pilikia noʻonoʻo a me nā maʻi, hāpai aʻe i nā mea i manaʻo nui ʻia. Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hopena ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka hapa nui o nā "ʻike", e like me ka nui o nā manaʻo o nā kula Freudian a me neo-Freudian, he kuhi hewa ʻole ia - inā paha lākou e ʻike i kā lākou poʻe ukali paʻakikī. ʻAʻole maikaʻi ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka Psychotherapy. ʻO ka boom psychotherapy (Herink's 1980 puke e pili ana i nā papa inoa psychotherapy ma mua o 250) ua pau paha; ʻoiai ʻo ka hana o ka psychotherapy i ʻae ʻia e ke kaiāulu - wikiwiki ʻole, pono wau e ʻōlelo - ua pau ka manaʻolana e lawe ʻia nā hopena nunui. ʻO nā kānalua mua e pili ana i nā kuhihewa o ka psychoanalysis. Ma mua o ke Kaua Honua II, ua haʻi aku kahi psychoanalyst ʻike e like me Wilhelm Steckel i kāna mau haumāna "inā ʻaʻole mākou e hana i nā mea hou loa, e hoʻopau ʻia ka psychoanalysis." I nā makahiki 60, ua lilo ka manaʻoʻiʻo i ke ʻano psycho-therapeutic i mea e ka ʻepekema "behavioral therapy" i ʻike ʻia me ka ʻepekema ʻē aʻe, akā ʻaʻole ia i kū i kāna mau koi. Ua like ka mea like me nā kula hou he nui a me nā "ʻenehana" i mahalo ʻia e like me nā ʻepekema breakthroughs, a ʻoiai pinepine nā ala maʻalahi i ka hoʻōla a me ka hauʻoli. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka hapa nui o lākou he "ʻāpana wela" o nā manaʻo kahiko, paraphrased a lilo i kumu waiwai.

Ma hope o ka hemo ʻana o nā kumumanaʻo nani a me nā ʻano hana e like me ka uahi (kahi hana e hoʻomau a hiki i kēia lā), he mau manaʻo maʻalahi a me nā manaʻo laulā wale nō i koe. Liʻiliʻi, akā naʻe kekahi mea. No ka hapa nui, ua hoʻi mākou i ka ʻike kuʻuna a me ka ʻike o ka noʻonoʻo, e hohonu ana paha i kekahi o kāna mau wahi, akā me ka loaʻa ʻole o nā breakthrough, e like me ka physics a me ka astronomy. ʻAe, ke mālamalama nei mākou e pono e "ʻike hou" i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo kahiko, ālai ʻia e ka ʻoi aku o ke kiʻekiʻe o nā aʻo hou i ka papa o ka psychology a me ka psychotherapy. Eia kekahi laʻana, pono e huli hou i ka nīnau o ke ola a me ka hana o ka lunamanaʻo, ke koʻikoʻi o ia mau waiwai e like me ka wiwo ʻole, ʻoluʻolu me ka liʻiliʻi, ahonui, altruism ma ke ʻano he ʻē aʻe o ka egocentrism, a me nā mea e pili ana i ka maikaʻi o nā hana psychotherapeutic, hiki ke hoʻohālikelike ʻia ke kūlana me ka hoʻāʻo e hoʻoponopono i kahi ʻōlelo. 'ōlelo mai ka wā kamaliʻi (a hiki nō hoʻi kēia), a i ʻole me nā ʻano hana e haʻalele ai i ka puhipaka ʻana: hiki iā ʻoe ke kūleʻa inā ʻoe e hakakā i ka maʻamau. Hoʻohana wau i ka huaʻōlelo "paio" no ka mea ʻaʻole e manaʻo ʻia nā hoʻōla kupaianaha. Eia kekahi, ʻaʻohe ala e lanakila ai i ka paʻakikī homosexuality, kahi e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke ʻoluʻolu e noho i kahi mokuʻāina passive ("e hoʻomāhuahua iaʻu a e ala wau i kahi kanaka hou"). He kōkua nā ʻano hana a i ʻole nā ​​ʻenehana, akā pili ka hopena i ka maopopo ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kāu ʻano a me nā kumu a me ka makemake a me ka hoʻohuli ʻole.

Hiki i ka "psychotherapy" ke hāʻawi i ka kōkua koʻikoʻi i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke kumu a me ke ʻano o ka hoʻonāukiuki a me nā ʻano hoʻonaninani, akā ʻaʻole ia e hāʻawi i nā ʻike e hiki ke alakaʻi i nā loli koke. Eia, ʻaʻohe kumu psychotherapy e hoʻolako i ka hoʻokuʻu manuahi, e like me kekahi "mau kula" e noʻonoʻo e noʻonoʻo, ma ka wehe ʻana i nā hoʻomanaʻo i aloha ʻia a i nā manaʻo. He mea hiki ʻole ke hōʻoki pōkole i ke ala me ke kōkua o nā loea aʻo akamai i hoʻokumu ʻia e pili ana i ka ʻike hou ʻana i nā kānāwai o ke aʻo ʻana. Ma kahi o ka moʻo ʻana a me ka mālie, e koi ʻia nā hana i kēlā me kēia lā.

Pono i kahi lāʻau lapaʻau

No laila he pono therapist? Koe i nā hihia koʻikoʻi, ʻo ke kumu e hoʻomanaʻo ai ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke hele wāwae i kēia ala wale nō. ʻO ka maʻamau, ke kanaka e hoʻāʻo nei e kāpae i kahi neurotic complex pono pono i kekahi e alakaʻi a kuhikuhi iā ia. I kā mākou moʻomeheu, loea i ka therapist i kēia. Minamina, ʻaʻole mākaukau nā psychotherapist he nui e kōkua i nā homosexual e lanakila i ko lākou paʻakikī, no ka mea ʻaʻohe o lākou manaʻo i ke ʻano o kēia ʻano a kaʻana like i ka prejudice ʻaʻohe mea i hiki a hana ʻole paha me ia. No laila, no ka poʻe he nui e makemake e loli, akā ʻaʻole hiki ke loaʻa i ka mea kōkua ʻoihana, pono ke "therapist" he kanaka me ka manaʻo nui a me ka ʻike o ke kumu o ka psychology, ka mea hiki ke nānā a loaʻa ka ʻike i ke alakaʻi ʻana i ka poʻe. Pono i kēia kanaka i loaʻa kahi noʻonoʻo hoʻomohala a hiki ke hoʻokumu i kahi pilina hilinaʻi (rapport). ʻO ka mea mua, pono ia he kanaka kaulike, olakino noʻonoʻo a me ka pono. He kahunapule paha kēia, kahunapule a kuhina paha o ka hale pule ʻē aʻe, kauka, kumu, limahana kaiaulu - ʻoiai ʻaʻole kēia mau ʻoihana e hōʻoia i ka loaʻa o nā tālena lapaʻau. No kēlā mau mea e ʻeha nei i ka moekolohe, makemake wau e noi aku i kēlā kanaka e alakaʻi iā lākou i ka mea a lākou e ʻike nei i ke alo o nā ʻano ma luna. E ʻike i kahi mea hoʻomōhala manawaleʻa manawaleʻa e ʻike iā ia iho me he hoa kōkua mua, he makuakāne nāna, me ka ʻole o ke ʻano ʻepekema, alakaʻi ʻiʻo ʻia e kona ʻike ponoʻī a me ka noʻonoʻo pono. Me ke kanalua ʻole, e aʻo ʻo ia i ke ʻano o ka moekolohe, a hāʻawi wau iā ia i kēia mea e hoʻonui i kona ʻike. ʻAʻole kūpono, akā naʻe, e heluhelu i nā puke he nui e pili ana i ke kumuhana, ʻoiai ʻo ka hapa nui o kēia palapala e hoʻopunipuni wale nei.

Pono ka “mea kūʻai” i kahi luna. Pono ʻo ia e hoʻokuʻu i kāna mau manaʻo, e hōʻike i kona mau manaʻo, e haʻi i ka moʻolelo o kona ola. He pono e kūkākūkā ʻo ia pehea e ulu ʻia ai kona male ʻana, pehea e hana ʻia ai kāna paʻakikī. Pono e paipai i kahi kaila, ke mālie a me ka ikaika; pono hoʻi ʻoe e nānā i kāna holomua ana i loko o ka hakakā ʻana. ʻO ka poʻe a pau e aʻo ana i kahi mea kani kani ke ʻike he pono nā haʻawina maʻamau. Wehewehe ke kumu, hoʻoponopono, hoʻoikaika; e hana nā haumāna i ka haʻawina ma hope o ka haʻawina. Pēlā pū kekahi me kekahi ʻano o ka maʻi psychotherapy.

ʻO kekahi manawa kōkua nā ex-gays i kekahi e lanakila ai i ko lākou mau pilikia. Loaʻa iā lākou ka pōmaikaʻi i ʻike lākou i ka lima mua o ke ola o loko a me nā pilikia o kahi pelekapanen. Eia kekahi, inā ua loli maoli lākou, a laila no kā lākou mau hoa ke makemake nei i ke hoʻololi ʻana. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole wau i hōʻike mau i ka hoihoi no kahi hopena like, me ka hopohopo maikaʻi i noʻonoʻo ʻia e ka nīnau therapeutic. Hiki ke hele ʻia kekahi neurosis e like me ka homosexuality i kahi manawa nui, akā naʻe nā ʻano neurotic āpau a me nā ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana, ʻaʻole ia e ʻōlelo i ka wā o ka hoʻomaha wā, hiki ke noho mau no ka wā lōʻihi. I kēlā mau hihia, ʻaʻohe mea e hoʻāʻo nui e lilo i mea lapaʻau; ma mua o ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kēlā ʻano mea, pono ke ola o kahi kanaka i ka liʻiliʻi o ʻelima mau makahiki ma kahi ʻano o ka loli kūloko, a me ka loaʻa ʻana o nā manaʻo heterosexual. Eia naʻe, ma ke ʻano he kānāwai, ʻo ia ka "heterose" maoli hiki iā ia ke hoʻoikaika i ka heterosexuality i loko o ka mea kūʻai aku kanaka ʻoi aku ʻoi aku ma mua o nā kānaka ʻē aʻe, no ka mea ʻaʻole i pilikia nā kāne i ka manaʻo o ka mea pono ʻole. Eia kekahi, ʻo ka makemake e "hoʻōla" i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ʻole me ka maopopo ʻole ke ʻano o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana iā ʻoe iho no ka mea e pale aku i ka hana koʻikoʻi iā lākou iho. A ʻo kekahi manawa, kahi makemake huna e hoʻomau i nā pilina me ka "pōʻai o ke ola" ʻole e hiki ke hoʻohui ʻia me ka manaʻo paʻa e kōkua i ka poʻe e pilikia nei i ʻike iā ia.

Ua haʻi wau i ka mea hoʻoponopono - ka "makuakāne" a i ʻole kāna hope hope. Pehea nā wahine? ʻAʻole wau i manaʻo no kēia ʻano hoʻomaʻamaʻa me nā mākua, ʻo nā wahine ke koho ʻoi loa, ʻoiai no nā mea kūʻai wahine wahine. Kākoʻo pono nā kamaʻilio a me ke kākoʻo mai nā ipo wahine a me nā kumu aʻo i mea kōkua maikaʻi; akā naʻe, ʻo ka hana lōʻihi (makahiki-lōʻihi) o ke alakaʻi paʻa a kūpaʻa a me ke kuhikuhi no ka moekolohe e pono ai ke kū ʻana o kahi makuakāne. ʻAʻole wau e noʻonoʻo i kēia hoʻokae i nā wahine, ʻoiai ke aʻo a me ka hānai ʻia ʻana he ʻelua mau mea - kāne a wahine. ʻO ka makuahine he mea aʻo pilikino, kuhikuhi, naʻau. ʻO ka makuakāne he alakaʻi, alakaʻi, alakaʻi, bridle a me ka mana. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o nā mea hoʻoponopono wahine no ka mālama ʻana i nā keiki a me nā kaikamahine ʻōpio, a ʻo nā kāne no kēia ʻano aʻo aʻo e koi ana i ke alakaʻi kāne. E noʻonoʻo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke pili ʻole ka makuakāne me kāna mana kāne, paʻakikī ka makuahine i ka hānai ʻana i nā keiki kāne (a me nā kaikamahine pinepine!) I ka ʻōpio a me ka poʻe ʻōpio.

7. Ke ʻike nei iā ʻoe iho

Ke hoʻolālā ʻana o ke wā ʻōpiopio a me nā ʻōpio

ʻO ka ʻike iā ʻoe iho, ʻo ka mea mua, manaʻo nui ʻike o ko lākou ʻano pilikino, ʻo ia hoʻi, ko lākou kumu o ka lawena, nā maʻamau, nā ʻike; Pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai iā mākou? keʻano, ke ʻike maopopo iā mākou, me he mea lā e nānā ana mai ka ʻaoʻao mai. He keu aku nō ma mua o ko mākou. kumuhana manaʻo noʻonoʻo. I mea e hoʻomaopopo ai iā ia iho, pono nō i ke kanaka ke ʻike i kona noʻonoʻo ma mua, i ka manaʻo hoʻomohala pehea i hoʻomohala ʻia ai kona ʻano, ʻo ia ka dinamics o kāna neurosis.

E he mea nui loa ia i ka mea heluhelu pilikino i pale aku i kahi kikoʻī me ia, e like me ke kūkākūkā ʻia ma nā mokuna i hala. ʻO kahi mea heluhelu e makemake ana e hoʻopili i kēia mau manaʻo iā ia iho, i mea e lilo ai i mea lapaʻau iā ia iho, e pono nō, akā, e nānā hou i kāna mōʻaukala olakino. No kēia hana, ke noi nei au i kēia nīnau nīnau i ka nīnau.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi e kākau i kāu mau pane; Mahalo i kēia, ua lilo nā manaʻo a maopopo aʻe i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi. Ma hope oʻelua pule, e nānā i kāu mau pane a hoʻoponopono i ka mea āu e manaʻo nei e pono ke hoʻololi. Maikaʻi ka ʻike ʻana i kekahi o nā pilina ke ʻae ʻoe i nā nīnau e "ʻāpala" i loko o kou noʻonoʻo no kekahi manawa.

Pūnaewele lapaʻau (kou mōʻaukala ʻikepili)

1. E wehewehe i kou pilina me kou makuakāne i kou wā makua. Pehea ʻoe e wehewehe ai iā ia: ka pili loa, kākoʻo, ʻike ʻike [me kou makuakāne], a pēlā aku. a i ʻole ka haʻalele ʻana, ka hōʻino, ka ʻike ʻole ʻia, ka makaʻu, ka inaina a me ka hoʻowahāwahā paha i ka makuakāne; he makemake no kona minamina a me ka nānā, etc.? E kākau i nā ʻano i kūpono i kou pilina, inā pono, e hoʻohui i ka nalowale ma kēia papa inoa pōkole. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hana i nā hoʻokaʻawale no nā wā kikoʻī o kou ulu ʻana, e laʻa me: “Ma mua o ka ʻōpio (ma kahi o 12-14 mau makahiki), ko mākou pilina ʻo ...; a laila, eia naʻe ... ".

2. He aha koʻu manaʻo (keu hoʻi i ka wā ʻōpio / ʻōpio) i manaʻo ai koʻu makuakāne iaʻu? Pili kēia nīnau i kou manaʻo no ka manaʻo o kou makuakāne iā ʻoe. ʻO ka pane, e laʻa paha: "ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoihoi iaʻu," "Ua ʻoi aku kona waiwai iaʻu ma mua o nā kaikaina (nā kaikuahine)," "Mahalo ʻo ia iaʻu," "ʻO wau kāna keiki aloha," etc.

3. E wehewehe i kou pilina i kēia manawa me ia a pehea ʻoe e noho ai me ia. ʻO kahi laʻana, pili anei ʻoe, aia ʻoe ma nā huaʻōlelo aloha, pehea ka maʻalahi o ʻolua, e mahalo paha kekahi i kekahi, a pēlā aku. a ʻenemi paha ʻoe, kūpikipiki, hoʻonāukiuki, hakakā, makaʻu, mamao, anuanu, hoʻokano, hōʻole ʻia, hoʻokūkū, a pēlā aku? E wehewehe i kou pilina pilina me kou makuakāne a pehea ʻoe e hōʻike maʻamau ai.

4. E wehewehe i kou mau manaʻo no kou makuahine, kou pilina me ia i ka wā kamaliʻi a i ka wā ʻōpio (hiki ke hoʻokaʻawale ʻia ka pane). He ʻoluʻolu paha, pumehana, pili, mālie, a pēlā aku. a he koi paha lākou, makaʻu, ʻae, ʻoluʻolu, a pēlā aku. E hoʻomaʻemaʻe i kāu pane ma ke koho ʻana i kēlā mau ʻano āu e manaʻo ai maʻamau loa iā ʻoe.

5. Pehea kou manaʻo i kou makuahine e pili ana iā ʻoe (i ka wā kamaliʻi a me kou ʻōpio?) Pehea kona manaʻo iā ʻoe? ʻO kahi laʻana, ua ʻike ʻo ia iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he keikikāne "maʻamau" a kaikamahine paha, a i ʻole mālama ʻo ia iā ʻoe i kahi ala kūikawā, e like me kahi hoa pili, pipi, kāna keiki hoʻohālike maikaʻi?

6. E wehewehe i kou pili i kēia manawa me kou makuahine (e nānā i ka nīnau 3).

7. Pehea kou makuakāne (a makua kāne paha, makua kāne) i hānai ai iā ʻoe? ʻO kahi laʻana, ua pale ʻo ia iā ʻoe, kākoʻo iā ʻoe, ua hānai i ka hoʻopaʻi, ka hilinaʻi, hāʻawi i ke kūʻokoʻa, hilinaʻi ʻia; a i ʻole ua hele a hānai ʻia me ka nui o ka namunamu a me ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole, i ke koʻikoʻi, hoʻopaʻi nui loa ia, koi, hōʻino; mālama iā ʻoe me ka paʻakikī a palupalu paha, hoʻomālama iā ʻoe, hoʻomāliu a mālama iā ʻoe e like me kahi pēpē? Hoʻohui i kekahi ʻano ʻaʻole ma kēia papa inoa e wehewehe pono i kāu hihia.

8. He aha nā ʻano hana a kou makuahine i hānai ai iā ʻoe? (E ʻike i nā ʻano i ka nīnau 7).

9. Pehea kou makuakāne i mālama ai a mālama ai iā ʻoe e pili ana i kāu ʻike kāne? Me ka paipai ʻana, ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana, no ke keikikāne me ke keikikāne a me ke kaikamahine me he kaikamahine lā, a i ʻole me ka ʻole o ka mahalo, me ka ʻole o ka hoʻomaopopo, me ka nanging, me ka hoʻowahāwahā?

10. Pehea kou makuahine i nānā ai a mālama iā ʻoe e pili ana i kāu kāne? (E nānā i ka nīnau 9)

11. ʻEhia ou mau kaikaina (keiki hoʻokahi; mua o nā __ keiki; ʻelua o nā __ keiki; hope o nā __ keiki, a pēlā aku.). Pehea kēia i hopena ai i kou kūlana psychological a me kou ʻano iā ʻoe i loko o ka ʻohana? ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻoi aku ka pale a hoʻomālamalama ʻia o kahi keiki lohi; ke kūlana o ke keikikāne wale nō i waena o nā kaikamahine a me ke ʻano iā ia, ʻokoʻa paha i ke kūlana o ka hiapo o nā kaikunāne a me ke ʻano iā ia, etc.

12. Pehea ʻoe i hoʻohālikelike ai iā ʻoe iho i kou mau hoahānau (inā he kāne ʻoe) a i ʻole mau kaikuahine (inā he wahine ʻoe)? Ua manaʻo paha ʻoe ua makemake kou makuakāne a makuwahine paha iā ʻoe ma mua o lākou, ʻoi aku ka "ʻoi aku o ka maikaʻi" ma mua o lākou ma muli o kekahi hiki a ʻano helehelena paha, a i ʻole ʻoi aku ka nui o kou koʻikoʻi?

13. Pehea ʻoe i manaʻo ai i kāu kāne a wahine paha i hoʻohālikelike ʻia i kou mau hoahānau (inā he kāne ʻoe) a i ʻole nā ​​kaikuahine (inā he wahine ʻoe)?

14. He mau hoaaloha kāu ma ke ʻano he kamaliʻi? He aha kou kūlana i waena o kāu mau ʻōpio? ʻO kahi laʻana, he nui kou mau hoaaloha, mahalo ʻia ʻoe, he alakaʻi ʻoe, a pēlā aku, a i ʻole he mea ʻē, he mea hoʻohālike, a pēlā aku?

15. He mau hoaaloha kāu i kou wahine i kou wā ʻōpio? (e nānā i ka nīnau 14).

16. E wehewehe i kou pilina me ka wahine ʻē aʻe i ka wā kamaliʻi a me ka wā ʻōpio, ʻo kēlā me kēia (no ka laʻana, ʻaʻohe pilina a i ʻole ka wahine ʻē aʻe, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe.).

17. No nā kāne: ua pāʻani ʻoe ma ke ʻano he koa, i ke kaua, a pēlā aku i kou wā kamaliʻi? No nā wahine: ua pāʻani paha ʻoe me nā pēpē, me nā mea pāʻani pulu?

18. No nā kāne: ua hoihoi paha ʻoe i ka hockey a i ʻole ka pōpeku? Eia kekahi, ua pāʻani paha ʻoe me nā pēpē? Ua hoihoi paha ʻoe i ka lole? E ʻoluʻolu e wehewehe i nā kikoʻī.

Nā wahine: makemake nui ʻoe i nā lole a me nā mea nani? A ʻo, makemake anei ʻoe i nā pāʻani kamaliʻi? E wehewehe kikoʻī.

19. I kou wā ʻōpio, ua hakakā paha ʻoe, "e hōʻike iā ʻoe iho," ua hoʻāʻo ʻoe e hōʻoia iā ʻoe iho, me ke akahai, a i ʻole ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe?

20. He aha kāu mau leʻaleʻa a makemake i kou wā ʻōpio?

21. Pehea ʻoe i ʻike ai i kou kino (a i ʻole nā ​​ʻāpana o ia), kou helehelena (ʻo kahi laʻana, ua manaʻo ʻoe he nani a maikaʻi ʻole paha)? E wehewehe kikoʻī i nā ʻano o ke kino e hoʻonāukiuki iā ʻoe (ka helehelena, ka ihu, nā maka, ka peni a me ka umauma, ke kiʻekiʻe, plumpness a lahilahi paha, a pēlā aku.

22. Pehea ʻoe i ʻike ai i kou kino / helehelena e pili ana i ke kāne a wahine paha?

23. Ua loaʻa paha iā ʻoe kekahi kīnā o ke kino a maʻi paha?

24. He aha kou ʻano maʻamau i kou wā kamaliʻi a laila i ka ʻōpio? Olioli, kaumaha, loli, a mau paha?

25. Ua loaʻa iā ʻoe nā wā kūikawā o ka loneliness o loko a me ke kaumaha i ka wā kamaliʻi a i ʻole ka ʻōpio? Inā pēlā, i ka makahiki hea? A maopopo iā ʻoe no ke aha?

26. Loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi paʻakikī haʻahaʻa i kou wā kamaliʻi a ʻōpio paha? Inā pēlā, ma nā ʻāpana kikoʻī āu i manaʻo ai he haʻahaʻa?

27. Hiki iā ʻoe ke wehewehe i ke ʻano o ke keiki / ʻōpio āu e pili ana i kāu lawena a me kou mau makemake i ka manawa i ʻike nui ʻia kou haʻahaʻa i mua ou? ʻO kahi laʻana: "ʻO wau kahi mehameha, kūʻokoʻa i nā mea āpau, haʻalele ʻia, makemake iaʻu iho", "hilahila wau, kūpaʻa loa, kōkua, mehameha, akā i ka manawa like huhū kūloko", "Ua like wau me kahi pēpē, hiki iaʻu ke uē maʻalahi, akā i ka manawa like he picky ʻo ia "," ua hoʻāʻo wau e hōʻoia iaʻu iho, ʻimi i ka nānā "," ua hoʻāʻo mau wau e ʻoluʻolu, ʻakaʻaka a ʻano hauʻoli i waho, akā i loko ʻoluʻolu ʻole wau "," he clown wau no kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe "," Ua kūpaʻa loa wau "," I he wiwo ʻole "," He alakaʻi wau "," I was domineering, "etc. E hoʻāʻo e hoʻomanaʻo i nā hiʻohiʻona keu loa o kou ʻano i ka wā kamaliʻi a ʻōpio paha.

28. He aha hou aʻe, ma waho o kēia, he mea nui i kou wā kamaliʻi a me / a i kou wā ʻōpio?

No ka kailuhau nā moʻolelo, nā nīnau aʻe e kōkua ana iā ʻoe:

29. I ka makahiki hea ʻoe i ʻike ai i ka infatuation me kekahi o kou pakanā?

30. Pehea kona ʻano a me kona ʻano? E wehewehe i nā mea i hoihoi loa iā ʻoe iā ia.

31. ʻEhia ou mau makahiki i ka manawa i hoʻomohala mua ai ʻoe i nā ʻano homosexual a i ʻole nā ​​moemoeā? (Like paha ka pane me ka pane i ka nīnau 29, akā he koho.)

32. ʻO wai ka mea e hoʻonāukiuki pinepine i kou moekolohe ma nā makahiki, nā ʻano kūwaho a pilikino paha, ka lawena, ke ʻano o ka lole? Nā laʻana no nā kāne: ka poʻe ʻōpio 16-30 mau makahiki, keikikāne ma mua o ka wā ʻōpio, nā kāne wahine / kāne / ʻālapa, nā kāne pūʻali koa, nā kāne wiwi, nā blondes a i ʻole nā ​​brunette, nā poʻe kaulana, ʻano maikaʻi, "ʻano maikaʻi ʻole", a pēlā aku. No nā wahine: nā wahine ʻōpio i makahiki ___; nā wahine waena me kekahi mau ʻano; nā wahine o koʻu mau makahiki; etc.

33. Inā pili kēia iā ʻoe, ehia mau manawa āu i hoʻomaʻamaʻa ai i kou wā ʻōpio? A ma hope?

34. Ua loaʻa iā ʻoe i kekahi mau moemoeā heterosexual kūlohelohe, me a i ʻole me ka masturbation?

35. Ua ʻike paha ʻoe i nā manaʻo erotic a i ʻole ke aloha aloha ʻana me kekahi kanaka o ka wahine ʻē?

36. Aia kekahi mau mea ʻano i kāu hana moekolohe a i ʻole nā ​​moemoeā (masochism, sadism, etc.)? E wehewehe pōkole a kāohi hoʻi i nā moemoeā a i ʻole nā ​​hana a nā poʻe e pīhoihoi ai iā ʻoe, ʻoiai e kōkua kēia e ʻike i kēlā mau wahi āu e ʻike ai i kou iho haʻahaʻa.

37. Ma hope o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana a me ka pane ʻana i kēia mau nīnau, e kākau i kahi moʻolelo pōkole o kou ola, i loaʻa nā hanana nui a me nā hanana kūloko o kou wā kamaliʻi a me kou ʻōpio.

He aha kaʻu i kēia lā

ʻO kēia ʻāpana o ka ʻike pilikino he mea nui; ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ka psychohistory ponoʻī o kekahi, e like me ka mea i kūkākūkā ʻia i ka paukū i hala, he mea nui wale ia e kōkua ai e hoʻomaopopo iā ia iho i kēia lā, ʻo ia hoʻi, nā ʻano o kēia lā, nā manaʻo, a, ʻo ka mea nui loa, nā kumu e pili ana i ka paʻakikī homosexual.

No ka hanana manuahi (hoʻokō) pono, pono ia e hoʻomaka e ʻike ke kanaka iā ia iho i kahi mālamalama, e like me ka mea e ʻike pono iā mākou. Iʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaoʻao ʻaoʻao he mea koʻikoʻi loa ia, ʻo ia hoʻi inā ʻike ʻia ka poʻe e komo pū ana me mākou i nā hana o kēlā me kēia lā. Ua hiki iā lākou ke wehe i ko mākou mau maka i nā ʻano a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano a mākou e ʻike ʻole ai. ʻO kēia ka ala mua no ka ʻike pilikino: ʻae a nānā pono i ka ʻōlelo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, me nā ʻano āu e makemake ʻole ai.

Nā hana ʻelua - ka nānā 'ana iā ʻoe iho... Kuhi ʻia ia, ʻo ka mea mua, i nā hanana kūloko - nā manaʻo, nā manaʻo, nā moemoeā, nā kumu / kumu; a ʻo ka lua, he kūwaho. Me ka pili i ka hope, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻāʻo e hōʻike i kā mākou hana me he mea lā ke nānā pono nei mākou iā mākou iho, mai waho, mai kahi mamao. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka ʻike ponoʻī o loko a me ka hōʻike ʻana i ka lawena ponoʻī ma o nā maka o kahi mea nānā waho kahi hana pili.

Hoʻomaka ka lāʻau lapaʻau pilikino, e like me ka psychotherapy maʻamau, hoʻomaka i ka manawa hoʻomaka o ka nānā ʻana i nā mea a pau, kū mau i hoʻokahi i ʻelua pule. He hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi paha ia e hoʻopaʻa mau i kēia mau nānā (ʻoiai ʻaʻole pono i kēlā me kēia lā, aia wale nō kahi mea nui). Pono lākou e hoʻopaʻa ʻia me ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana a me ka kūlohelohe. E hana i kahi leka kūikawā no kēia mau kumu a hana i kahi ʻano hoʻopaʻa i kāu mau nānā, a me nā nīnau a me nā manaʻo koʻikoʻi. Ka hoʻopaʻa leo ʻana a me ka ʻike. Eia hou, hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i kāu mau moʻolelo i ka manawa, ʻo ia, i ka ʻike ʻana o nā mea he nui, e kōkua ana e hoʻomaopopo i kekahi mau mea iʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka paʻa wale nō.

He aha ka mea e kākau ʻia ma ka palapala o ka nānā ʻana o ia iho? Pōʻalo ka hoʻohemo ʻana, mālama "hoʻopiʻi puke"." ʻO ka poʻe me ka naʻau aloha neʻe e hōʻike ka leʻaleʻa, a no laila e aloha mau lākou iā lākou iho i ka palapala o ka nānā ʻana o ka nānā ponoʻī ʻana. Inā ma hope o kekahi manawa, aʻo ka heluhelu hou ʻana i nā memo, ʻike lākou ke hoʻohumu nei lākou, a laila he ʻike maikaʻi kēia. Huli ka mea i hopu lākou iā lākou iho i ka manawa o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana, no laila, e ʻike lākou no lākou iho: "Auwe, aloha wau!"

Eia naʻe, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kākau ʻana i kou olakino maikaʻi e like me kēia: wehewehe pōkole i kou mau manaʻo, akā ʻaʻole kū ma laila, akā e hoʻohui i kahi hoʻāʻo i ka nānā ʻana. Eia kekahi laʻana, ma hope o ke kākau ʻana i lalo: "Ua ʻeha wau a kuhi hewa ʻole," e hoʻāʻo e nānā pono iā ia: Ua hana wau e like me ke kamaliʻi "a i ʻole" Ua ʻeha koʻu haʻaheo keiki i kēia mau mea āpau, "a pēlā aku.

Hiki nō ke hoʻohana i ka diary e hoʻopaʻa i nā manaʻo i piʻi mai me ka manaʻo ʻole ʻia. ʻO nā hoʻoholo i hana ʻia kekahi mea nui, keu hoʻi no ka kākau ʻana iā lākou i lalo e hāʻawi iā lākou i ka nui a me ka paʻa. Eia nō naʻe, ke kākau ʻana i nā manaʻo, nā manaʻo, a me nā lawena he mea wale nō ia i kahi hopena, ʻo ia hoʻi, ka ʻike maikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho. Pono nō hoʻi e noʻonoʻo, kahi e alakaʻi ai i ka hopena i kahi ʻike maikaʻi o kā mākou mau kumu ponoʻī, nā impulses (ʻo ia hoʻi ʻo ka pēpē a me ka egocentric).

ʻO nā mea e nānā ai

Loaʻa ka ʻike kūʻokoʻa ma o ka noʻonoʻo pono ʻana i ko lākou mau manaʻo a me ko lākou mau manaʻo, ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu a / ai hoihoi paha. A ala lākou, nīnau i ke kumu o kā lākou kumu, ke kumu o kou manaʻo.

ʻO nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole e like me: ka mehameha, ka hōʻole ʻia, ka haʻalele ʻana, ka ʻehaʻeha o ka naʻau, ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa, ka waiwai ʻole, ka lethargy, ka noʻonoʻo ʻole, ke kaumaha a me ke kaumaha, ka hopohopo, ka makaʻu, ka makaʻu a me ka hopohopo, nā manaʻo o ka hoʻomaʻau, ka huhū, ka huhū a me ka huhū, ka lili a me ka lili, ka huhū, ʻiʻini (no kekahi), pilikia e hiki mai ana, kānalua, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku hoʻi ma waho o nā manaʻo maʻamau - nā mea āpau e hopohopo, ʻoi aku ka hoʻomanaʻo, nā mea āpau a kaumaha paha.

ʻO nā manaʻo e pili ana i ka paʻakikī neurotic e pili pinepine ana i ka manaʻo. nawaliwalike manaʻo ka poʻe he kaohi ʻole, ke "heʻe ka honua mai lalo o ko lākou mau wāwae." No ke aha wau i manaʻo ai pēlā? He mea nui ia e nīnau iā ʻoe iho: "Ua like paha ka hopena o koʻu ʻōpū me ke" keiki "? a "ʻAʻole anei ʻo kaʻu 'ʻilihune iaʻu' i hōʻike iā ia iho ma aneʻi?" ʻOiaʻiʻo, i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hoʻololi ʻia i ka nui o kēia mau manaʻo ma muli o ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole o nā keiki, hōʻeha ʻia e ka haʻaheo, minamina ponoʻī. Panina hope loa: "Ma loko, ʻaʻole wau i pane e like me ke kāne makua a wahine paha, akā ʻoi aku e like me ke keiki, he ʻōpio." A inā ʻoe e hoʻāʻo e noʻonoʻo i ka hiʻohiʻona i kou alo, ke kani o kou leo ​​ponoʻī, ka manaʻo āu i hana ai i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e ke ʻano o kou mau manaʻo, a laila hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike maopopo aʻe i ke "keiki i loko" ʻo ʻoe wale nō. I kekahi mau pane a me nā lawena, maʻalahi ka ʻike ʻana i ke ʻano o ke keiki kamaliʻi, akā paʻakikī i kekahi manawa ke ʻike i ke ʻano kamaliʻi i nā manaʻo ʻē aʻe a i ʻole nā ​​impulses, ʻoiai ua ʻike ʻia lākou he mea hoʻonāukiuki, makemake ʻole ʻia, a i ʻole obsessive. ʻO ka hōʻoluʻolu ka hōʻailona maʻamau o ka hana pēpē, hōʻike pinepine i ke aloha pilikino.

Akā pehea pehea e wehe ai i ka infantile discontent mai kahi maʻamau, lawa pono.

1. ʻAʻole pili ka mihi non-pēpē a me ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole me ka waiwai ponoʻī.

2. ʻO lākou, ma ke ʻano he kaulike, ʻaʻole e hoʻolei i ke kanaka mai ke kaulike, a mālama ʻo ia iā ia iho i ka kaohi.

3. Koe i nā kūlana kūikawā, ʻaʻole hele pū lākou me ka naʻau nui.

Ma ka lima ʻē aʻe, hiki i kekahi mau hopena ke hoʻohui i nā ʻāpana like ʻole o nā keiki a me nā pākeke. ʻO ka hikiʻole, nalowale, huhū i ka hōʻehaʻeha i loko o lākou iho, ʻoiai ke ʻano ka mea i loaʻa iā lākou me ke keiki. Inā ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke hoʻomaopopo inā noʻe mai kāna "keiki" a pehea hoʻi ka ikaika, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka haʻalele ʻana i kēlā hanana hanana no kekahi manawa. E lilo kēia i mea kū inā ke hoʻi hou ʻoe iā ia i kekahi manawa ma hope aku.

Aʻe, pono e hoʻomaʻemaʻe pono i kāu ʻano hana ʻo ia hoʻi, nā hiʻohiʻona o nā ʻano e pili ana i ka poʻe: ka makemake e leʻaleʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka, paʻakikī, inaina, kānalua, haʻaheo, pili, kākoʻo a i ʻole ʻimi i ka patronage, ka hilinaʻi i ka poʻe, imperiousness, despotism, rigidity, inditive ka hōʻalo a hoʻonāukiuki paha i nā hakakā, propensity e hoʻopaʻapaʻa, hoʻohanohano iā ʻoe iho a me ka hoʻonani ʻana, ka hana keaka, ke nānā aku a me ka ʻimi ʻana i ka nānā iā ia iho (me nā koho he lehulehu), a me nā mea ʻē aʻe. Pono e hoʻokaʻawale ʻia ma aneʻi. Hiki ke loli ka hana ma muli o ka mea i kuhikuhi ʻia i: nā kānaka o ka like a i ʻole ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe. nā lālā o ka ʻohana, nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā ​​hoapaahana; ma nā pae kiʻekiʻe a i lalo paha; ma nā malihini a i ʻole nā ​​hoalauna maikaʻi. Kākau i kāu mau nānā ʻana, e wehewehe ana i ke ʻano o nā pilina pili kanaka e pili ana iā lākou. E hōʻike i ke ʻano o ka hana maʻamau loa iā ʻoe a me kāu keiki "ego".

ʻO kekahi o nā kumu o ka nānā pono ʻana iā ia iho e ʻike mau kuleana a ka mea a ke kanaka e pāʻani ai. I ka hapa nui, ʻo ia nā kuleana o ka hōʻoia a me ka hōʻohi ʻana i ka manaʻo. Hiki i ke kanaka ke hōʻike aku i kahi pōmaikaʻi, ʻike, hauʻoli a me ke koa o kekahi ʻino, ka mea ʻeha poʻaupō, ʻaʻohe poʻomanaʻo, ʻaʻole hewa, ka mea nui loa, a me nā manaʻo i hope. ʻO ka pāʻani, e hōʻike ana i kahi moʻomeheu o loko, ʻo ia kekahi o ka kuhi hewa a me ka malu a hiki ke kau i ka wahaheʻe.

He ʻano maikaʻi hiki no hoi ke hai nui i kahi kanaka. ʻO ka leo o ka leo e lawe nei i ka ʻikepili he nui. Ua hoʻopuka kahi uʻi i ke ʻano o ke kau ʻana i nā huaʻōlelo, me ka haʻi ʻana iā lākou. Ma muli o ke kaʻi ʻana o ka manuahi, ua ʻōlelo ʻona: "Manaʻo wau ua ʻike ʻole ʻole wau i ke ʻano o ke keiki palupalu, hoʻāʻo ʻana e waiho i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ke ʻano o ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā pākeke." Ua ʻike kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe, ke kamaʻilio e pili ana iā ia iho a me kona ola, ua hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻo ia i ka ʻōlelo me ka leo ma ka hoʻokalakupua, a ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo i hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻia ʻo ia ka liʻiliʻi ʻana o ka laulā ma ka hapanui o nā ʻike maʻamau.

Ka nānā ʻana ʻikepili o kana haiolelo. Neurotic immaturity ʻaneʻane hōʻike mau iā ia iho i ka ʻano o nā hoʻopiʻi - waha a me nā mea ʻē aʻe - e pili ana iā ʻoe iho, e pili ana i nā kūlana, e pili ana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e pili ana i ke ola maʻamau. I loko o nā kamaʻilio a me nā monologue o ka poʻe he nui me ka neurosis homosexual, ʻike nui ʻia ka nui o ka egocentrism: "Ke kipa aku wau i nā hoaaloha, hiki iaʻu ke kamaʻilio e pili ana iaʻu iho ma mua o hoʻokahi hola," ʻae ʻia e kahi mea kūʻai aku. "A ke makemake lākou e haʻi iaʻu e pili ana iaʻu iho, auwana koʻu noʻonoʻo, a paʻakikī iaʻu e hoʻolohe iā lākou." ʻAʻole kū hoʻokahi kēia nānā ʻana. Hele pū ka noʻonoʻo ponoʻī me ka whimpering, a ʻo ka nui o nā kamaʻilio a nā poʻe "neurocissistic" e pau i nā hoʻopiʻi. E hoʻopaʻa i kekahi o kāu kamaʻilio maʻamau ma ka lipine a hoʻolohe iā lākou ma kahi o ʻekolu mau manawa - he hana maikaʻi ʻole a aʻo ʻole kēia.

ʻO ka aʻo ʻana nui loa o kāu hiʻohiʻona i nā mākua a me nā manaʻo e pili ana iā lākou... ʻOiai ʻo ke "keiki" ego, kāna ʻano i kēia ʻano hiki ke ʻike ʻia e ka clinginess, kipi, hoʻowahāwahā, lili, hoʻokahuli, ʻimi i ka nānā a mahalo paha, kaukaʻi, ʻohi, a pēlā aku. ) ʻaʻole hou: ka hoʻopili pili like a i ʻole ka inaina a me nā hōʻino. E hoʻokaʻawale ma waena o kou pilina me kou makuakāne a me kou makuahine. E hoʻomanaʻo he ʻaneʻane ʻike ʻia ka "ego keiki" i nā pilina me nā mākua, he ʻano kūwaho a i ʻole he mau manaʻo a me nā manaʻo.

Pono e ʻike ʻia nā ʻike like ʻole ka pilina a me kahi kāne, he hoa hana homose kāne, a i ʻole ke kumu nui o kāu mau moeʻuhane... ʻIke ʻia nā maʻa o nā keiki he nui i ka mahele hope: ka ʻimi ʻana o nā keiki, ke pāʻani ʻana, ka palapū; hana parasite, manipulative, lili i hana ʻia, a pēlā aku. E kūpaʻa pono iā ʻoe iho i kāu nānā ʻana i kēia wahi, ʻoiai ʻo kēia kahi kahi (maopopo) makemake e hōʻole, ʻaʻole ʻike i nā kumu kikoʻī, e hōʻoia e loaʻa.

No ka naʻu iho, e nānā i nā manaʻo e pili ana iā ʻoe iho (maikaʻi ʻole a maikaʻi hoʻi). Hoʻomaopopo iā ʻoe iho i ka hae ponoʻī, ka hoʻohewa nui ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ka hoʻohewa ponoʻī iā ʻoe iho, nā manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, akā me ka narcissism, hoʻohanohano iā ʻoe iho, hoʻoweliweli pilikino iā ʻoe iho ma nā ʻano like ʻole, nā moemoeā o ʻoe iho, a pēlā aku. nā manaʻo, nā moemoeā a me nā naʻau. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i ka sentimentality, melancholy i loko ou? Aia kekahi immersion ʻike i ka minamina pilikino? A i ʻole nā ​​makemake a me nā hana hoʻopōʻino ponoʻī? (ʻIke ʻia ka hope ma ke ʻano "masoicism psychic," ʻo ia hoʻi, ka hoʻāhewa ʻana iā ʻoe iho e hōʻeha ʻino, a i ʻole ke komo ʻana i loko o ka ʻehaʻeha a loaʻa paha.

No ka ka wahine kāne, e noʻonoʻo ma luna o kāu mau moemoeā a ho'āʻo e hoʻokumu i nā hiʻohiʻona o ka helehelena, ka ʻano a me nā ʻano pilikino e hoʻāla ai i kou makemake i kekahi hoa maoli a i ʻole ka manaʻo. A laila e hoʻokaʻawale iā lākou me kou mau manaʻo haʻahaʻa i ka haʻahaʻa e like me ke rula: ʻo ka mea e kohi ai iā mākou i nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻo ia ka mea a mākou e ʻike nei he haʻahaʻa. E hoʻāʻo e ʻike i ka mahalo o nā keiki a i ʻole ka hoʻomana kiʻi ma kou hihiʻo he "hoaaloha." E hoʻāʻo pū e ʻike i nā hoʻāʻo ke hoʻohālikelike ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kekahi he kāne o kou male i kona hiki ʻana iā ia a ma ia mea ʻeha kahi manaʻo i hui pū ʻia me ka ʻono. ʻOiai, ʻo kēia ʻeha a me ka huhū i ke ʻano o ka wā ʻōpio: "ʻAʻole wau e like me ia (") a ʻo ia mau mea, he hoʻopiʻi a me ke kaniʻuhū kanikau: "Pehea wau makemake iā ia (ʻo ia) e makaʻala mai iaʻu, mea ʻilihune, hemahema." ʻOiai ʻaʻole maʻalahi ia e ʻili i ka manaʻo o ka "aloha" homoerotic, ʻoiai ua pono ia ke hoʻomaopopo i ka hele ʻana o kahi kumu lawelawe kūʻokoʻa, ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa aloha i kēia mau manaʻo noʻu iho, e like me ke keiki e makemake nui ʻia e nā mea āpau e aloha. E nānā pū he aha nā kumu psychological e kumu ai i ka moekolohe a i ʻole ka makemake e masturbate. ʻO ka manawa pinepine kēia mau manaʻo o ka leʻaleʻa a me ka nāwaliwali, no laila ke kuleana o ka moekolohe i ka hana i hōʻoluʻolu ʻia i ka "hewa maikaʻi."

Eia kekahi, pono e mālama pono i ka nānāpehea ʻoe e hoʻokō ai i ka "hana" ʻo kahi kāne a ka wahine. ^ E Ha yM. E nānā e ʻike inā loaʻa nā hōʻailona o ka makaʻu a me ka haʻalele ʻana i nā hana a me nā mea e makemake ai i ke ʻano o kāu kāne, a aia paha ʻoe e haʻahaʻa i ka hana ʻana. Loaʻa iā ʻoe nā makana a me nā makemake e ʻaʻole like me kāu wahine? ʻO kēia mau ʻenehana a me ka makemake a me ke ʻano hānai a me ke ʻano o ka moʻo ʻana, a inā ʻoe e nānā pono iā lākou, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike pinepine i ka hopohopo a i ʻole nā ​​hemahema. Hiki i kēia mau ʻenemi ke haʻi i ka egocentrism a me ka pono. No ka laʻana, ua ʻike kekahi wahine i kāna ʻano koi a me nā dictatorial "i hoʻohālikelike ʻia i kēlā me kēia ʻano manaʻo pilikino i kona wā ʻōpio, a ua hoʻolako ʻo ia i wahi e ʻimi ai i kona wahi i waena o nā kānaka, i waho o ka manaʻo o" ʻaʻohe kanaka. ʻO kēia kuleana, ʻo ia ʻo kāna ʻano lua (ʻoi loa kahi inoa), ua lilo i mea ʻano kamaliʻi ʻo ia iaʻu ". Ua hōʻike aku kekahi kanaka kāne i ka wahine me ka pseudo wahine wahine, ke hoʻokau pinepine nei ʻo ia me kāna ʻano. ʻO kēia ʻano wahine wahine, i ka mea i hoʻomaopopo iā ia, ua pili loa me ka ikaika a me ka manaʻo o ka manaʻo pākaha a me ka nele o ka hilinaʻi kūʻokoʻa. Ua aʻo ʻia kekahi kāne ʻē aʻe ʻo kāna ʻano wahine wahine e pili ai i nā pilina like ʻole: ka ʻoluʻolu mai ka leʻaleʻa pēpē i ka hana o kahi kaikamahine maikaʻi, ʻoluʻolu a kaʻi kaikamahine; a me ka makaʻu (ʻike i ka haʻahaʻa) o ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hilinaʻi wiwo ʻole.

E liʻuliʻu ka manawa ma mua o ka hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo e komo hohonu i loko ou. Ma ke ala, ʻike pinepine ʻia nā ʻano keʻa kea i nā lauoho, nā lole a me nā ʻano like ʻole o ka ʻōlelo, nā ʻōniʻoniʻo, ke ʻano hele, ke ʻano o ka ʻakaʻaka, a pēlā aku.

Pono e makaʻala ʻē aku i kou pehea hana... Ke hana nei ʻoe i kāu hana i kēlā me kēia lā me ka makemake ʻole a me ka makemake ʻole, a me ka leʻaleʻa a me ka ikaika? Me ke kuleana? A i ʻole he ala ia e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole ai iā ʻoe iho? Hana ʻoe iā ia me ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole, nui ʻole ka hauʻoli?

Ma hope o kekahi manawa o ia nānā pono ʻana, hōʻuluʻulu i nā ʻano nui a me nā kumu o kāu pēpē pēpē, a i ʻole "keiki o loko." I nā manawa he nui, hiki i ke poʻo inoa ke lilo i pono: "Keikikāne kōkua ʻole, e ʻimi mau nei i ke aloha a me ke kākoʻo" a i ʻole "Ke kaikamahine hōʻeha i ʻike ʻole ʻia e kekahi", a pēlā aku. ʻO nā hihia kikoʻī mai ka wā i hala a i ʻole ia e hiki ai ke hōʻike pono i nā hiʻohiʻona o ia "keikikāne" a i ʻole " kaikamahine ". Hōʻike ʻia ia ʻano hoʻomanaʻo i ke ʻano o kahi kiʻi ola me ke komo ʻana o kāu "keiki mai ka wā kahiko" a hiki ke hōʻike koke iā ia. No laila, hiki iā mākou ke mālama iā lākou ma ke ʻano he hoʻomanaʻo nui. Hiki iā lākou ke lilo i kōkua nui loa i kahi manawa e pono ai e ʻike i kēia "keiki" i kā lākou ʻano pēpē i kēia manawa a i ka wā e pale ai i kēia ʻano. He ʻano “kiʻi” noʻonoʻo kēia o ka “ego o ke keiki” āu e lawe nei me ʻoe, e like me nā kiʻi o nā ʻohana a i ʻole nā ​​hoa aloha i loko o kāu ʻeke. E wehewehe i kou hoʻomanaʻo kī.

ʻIke ʻike iā Moral

ʻO nā waeʻano o ka nīnau ponoʻī e kūkā ʻia ma aneʻi e pili ana i nā hanana kikoʻī, kūloko a me ka hana. Eia nō naʻe, aia kahi pae ʻelua o ka ʻike ponoʻī - ka noʻonoʻo a me ka pono. Ke nānā nei iā ʻoe iho mai kēia wahi o ka manaʻo i kahi kūlike me ke ʻano o ka noiʻi pilikino pilikino i ʻōlelo ʻia ma luna. Hoʻonohonoho nui ʻia ka ʻike pilikino ponoʻī i nā kumu o ke kanaka. Ma nā ʻōlelo e pili ana i nā pono, hiki i ka ʻike psychological ponoʻī, ka mea e hōʻike nei i ka ʻike pono iā ia iho, hiki ke hoʻoikaika ikaika i ka hoʻololi ʻana. Pono mākou e hoʻomanaʻo i ka ʻike nani o Henri Bariuk: "ʻO ka ʻike Moral ka pōhaku kihi o ko mākou psyche" (1979, 291). He mea pili ʻole paha kēia no ka psychotherapy, a i ʻole self-therapy, a i ʻole ke aʻo ʻana iā ʻoe iho?

Hoʻolālā ka ʻike pono ʻuhane me kahi ʻano kūloko kūloko, ʻoiai i loaʻa ma o ka hana paʻa. Ua ʻike kekahi kanaka i ke ʻano kamaliʻi e wahaheʻe ai i kekahi mau hanana no ka makaʻu i ka hōʻino ʻia. Ma kēia mea ua ʻike ʻo ia i ke ʻano, a i ʻole ka maʻamau o kāna ʻona, ka mea i moe hohonu loa ma mua o ka maʻamau o ka moe ʻana iā ia iho (no ka makaʻu i ka hōʻeha ʻana i kāna ego), ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻo kona egoism aʻa i paʻa, kāna lawehala ("lawehala," e like me ka ʻōlelo a kahi Karistiano). ʻO kēia pae o ka ʻike ponoʻī, i kū ʻole i ka psychological, ʻoi aku ka nui o ke kumu. Lawe pū ʻo ia i ka hoʻokuʻu - a no kēia kumu; hiki i kona mana hoʻōla ke hana i nā mea hou aku ma mua o ka ʻike psychological maʻamau. Akā pinepine ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke kahaki i kahi laina maopopo ma waena o ka psychological a me ka pono, no ka mea ʻo nā ʻike psychological maikaʻi loa e pili ana i ka nui o ka pono (e laʻa, e like me ka ʻike ʻana i ke aloha pilikino iā ʻoe iho). ʻIke, he nui nā mea a mākou i kapa aku ai he "kamaliʻi" i ka manawa like i manaʻo ʻia he kūpono kūpono, i kekahi manawa a he moekolohe hoʻi.

ʻO ka pīhoihoi ka mahele maʻamau o ka hapanui, inā ʻaʻole āpau, nā ʻano moekolohe a me nā ʻano, "ʻino" ma kekahi wēlau o ka ʻōnaehana bipolar; ma kahi ʻē aʻe, nā pono, nā hana kūpono maikaʻi. ʻO ka poʻe makemake e ʻimi i kā lākou neurotic complex e pono e noʻonoʻo iā lākou iho i ke ʻano kūpono. He aha kāu e nānā ai:

1. ʻoluʻolu - hōʻoluʻolu (kuhikuhi, ʻoiaʻiʻo, i ka hana e hoʻokomo i ka whining a hōʻoia iā ia iho);

2. wiwo ʻole - ʻōliko (e kaha i nā kūlana kikoʻī a me nā wahi o ka lawena āu e ʻike ai i nā ʻano);

3. ahonui, kūpaʻa - nāwaliwali, nāwaliwali, pale i nā pilikia, ka ʻae ʻana iā ia iho;

4. Ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa - nele i ka pono pilikino, hoʻopulana iā ʻoe iho, hoʻoliʻiliʻi iho (hiki ʻole i ke kaohi iho ke lilo i mea ʻino i ka ʻai ʻana, inu ʻana, kamaʻilio ʻana, hana ʻana, a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano kuko āpau);

5. ka ʻeleu, hana nui - ka palaualelo (i kēlā me kēia wahi);

6. hoʻohaʻahaʻa, ʻike maoli e pili ana iā ia iho - haʻaheo, haʻaheo, lapuwale, pedantry (e kuhikuhi i kahi o ka lawena);

7. akahai - akahai;

8. ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo - dishonesty, insincerity and a tendency to lie (ho'ākāka);

9. pono - hilinaʻi ʻole (e pili ana i ka poʻe, hana, hoʻohiki);

10. kuleana (ʻike maʻamau o ka hana) - kuleana ʻole (e pili ana i ka ʻohana, nā hoaaloha, ka poʻe, ka hana, nā hana).

11. ka hoʻomaopopo, ke kala ʻana - ka hoʻopaʻi, ka huhū, ka inaina, ka ʻeha (e pili ana i nā lālā o ka ʻohana, nā hoaaloha, nā hoapili, a pēlā aku);

12. Makemake nui ka hauʻoli maʻamau i ka loaʻa ʻana (kuhikuhi i nā hiʻohiʻona).

ʻO nā nīnau nui no ka mea ʻimi i kā lākou hoʻoikaika.

Ma ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kaʻu mau hana a me kaʻu e makemake ai, heʻu ia kiʻi maoli i ke ola? Ke kuhi nei kaʻu hana iaʻu iho a i ʻole i kekahi, e hoʻokō i kahi hana, hoʻokō i nā pōmaikaʻi, nā pahuhopu manao? (Ka waiwai paʻa pono: lilo i ke kālā a me nā waiwai, ka mana, ka kaulana, ka ʻike lehulehu, ka nānā ʻana o ka poʻe a me / a e mahalo ai, ke ola leʻaleʻa, ka meaʻai, ka inu ʻana, ka wahine).

8. He aha kāu e pono ai e hoʻomohala iā ʻoe iho

ʻO ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ke kaua: ke manaʻolana, ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho, kaʻoiaʻiʻo

ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho ke kaʻina mua i kekahi loli. Ke holo nei ka lāʻau (a he kaua kēia), hoʻomāhuahua ka noʻonoʻo ponoʻī a me ka loli. ʻIke paha ʻoe i nā mea he nui, akā e ʻike hou ʻoe i ka manawa.

ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ka ikaika o kāu neurosis e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i ke ahonui, a me ke ahonui e hoʻoikaika i ka lana. ʻO ka manaʻolana ka maikaʻi a me ke olakino anti-neurotic noʻonoʻo. I kekahi manawa hiki i ka manaolana ke maʻalahi i nā pilikia a nalowale no kekahi manawa. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole maʻalahi nā aʻa o nā maʻamau i hana i ka neurosis e hemo, no laila e puka hou aʻe nā hōʻailona. Eia nō naʻe, ma loko o ke kaʻina hana o ka loli, pono e aloha nui ʻia ka manaʻolana. Hoʻokumu ʻia ka manaʻolana i ka realism: no ka manawa pinepine o ka neurotic - a no laila he homosexual - ʻike ʻia nā manaʻo, no ka manawa pinepine ʻoe e hoʻokomo ai iā lākou, inā ʻoe e hoʻoikaika e loli, ʻike ʻoe i nā hopena maikaʻi. ʻO ke kaumaha ka ʻāpana o ka pāʻani, ma ka liʻiliʻi i nā manawa he nui, akā pono ʻoe e pale aku iā ia, e haku iā ʻoe iho, a e hoʻomau i ka hele. ʻO kēlā manaʻolana e like me ka optimism mālie, ʻaʻole euphoria.

ʻO ka hopena hou - ka hoʻoponopono ponoʻī - pono loa. Pili kēia ʻanuʻu, no ka hapa nui, nā mea maʻamau: ke ala aʻe i kekahi manawa; ka mālama ʻana i nā lula o ka nohona pilikino, ka lawe ʻana i ka meaʻai, ka lauoho a me ka mālama ʻana i ka lole; hoʻolālā lā (kokoke, ʻaʻole pili pono a laulā), leʻaleʻa a me ke ola kaiaulu. E māka a hoʻomaka i ka hana ʻana ma nā wahi āu e hemahema a i ʻole hemahema ai ʻoe iho. He paʻakikī nā poʻe he nui me nā ʻano hoʻokalakupua me kekahi ʻano o ke aʻo ponoʻī. E mālama ʻole i kēia mau pilikia me ka lana o ka manaʻo e hoʻololi ka hoʻōla manaʻo i nā mea āpau āpau no ka ʻoi aku ka lapuwale. ʻAʻole hiki i kahi therapy ke hoʻokō i nā hopena maikaʻi inā e mālama ʻole ʻia kēia mea pono o ka hoʻoponopono pilikino i kēlā me kēia lā. E piʻi mai me kahi ala maʻalahi e hoʻoponopono ai i kou nāwaliwali maʻamau. E hoʻomaka me hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha mau wahi kahi e holo pono ʻole ai; i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hoʻomaikaʻi i loko o ia mau mea, e lanakila maʻalahi ʻoe i ke koena.

ʻAno maoli, koi ʻia ka hewa. ʻO ka mea mua, aloha i ka poʻe pono. ʻO kēia ke hana e hoʻomaʻamaʻa hōʻano i nā mea e pau ana i loko o kou noʻonoʻo iho, nā kumu āu a me nā makemake maoli, ʻo ia hoʻi nā kumu a ka lunamanaʻo. ʻAʻole ka mihi i ka hōʻoia ʻana iā ʻoe iho i ka ʻike ʻole ʻia e ka ʻike a me ke ʻano o ko ʻolua mea i kapa ʻia ʻo ka "hapalua maikaʻi", akā i ka ʻimi e kamaʻilio iā lākou i ka maʻalahi a me ka hamama, i hiki iā lākou ke hoʻomaopopo iā lākou. (Hōʻino kahi kākau i nā manaʻo koʻikoʻi a me ka noʻonoʻo ponoʻī.)

Eia kekahi, ʻo kaʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia ka mea wiwo ʻole e hōʻike aku ai i kou nāwaliwali a me nā hemahema i kekahi kanaka e, me he mea lapaʻau a alakaʻi paha / aʻoaʻo. Kokoke kela kanaka kēia kanaka e hūnā i kekahi mau ʻano o ko lākou mau manaʻo ponoʻī a me nā manaʻo mai lākou iho a i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hoʻonele ʻana i kēia kauā, ʻaʻole wale nō e alakaʻi i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana, akā pono nō hoʻi e neʻe i mua.

I nā koi o luna, e hoʻohui ka keristiano i ka ʻahaʻae i mua o ke Akua me ka nānā ʻana i kona noʻonoʻo ponoʻī, i ka pule-kamaʻilio ʻana me ia. O ka ʻoluʻolu e pili ana i ke Akua e lilo, no ka laʻana, he pule no ke kōkua i ka neʻe ʻana ʻana a i kekahi hoʻāʻo e hoʻokau i kā mākou mau hana ponoʻī e hana i ka mea hiki iā mākou, ʻo ka manaʻo o ka hopena.

Hāʻawi ʻia i ka hoʻonaninani o ka noʻonoʻo neurotic i ka hōʻino a me ka mea nui, ʻo ka mea nui ke ʻōlelo aku, ʻaʻole pono ke poʻo, akā maʻalahi, maʻalahi a wehe.

Pehea e hana ai me ka neurotic-aloha aloha. Ke hana o ka manaʻo kūʻokoʻa

Aia ʻoe i ka nohona i kēlā lā i kēia lā a i ʻole ka hōʻike mau ʻana o kahi "keiki ʻōpiopio i loko", noʻonoʻo ʻoe ua kū nei kēia "mea maikaʻi" i mua o ʻoe i ka ʻiʻo, a i ʻole ua hoʻololi ka mea i pāwili ʻia ʻoe me ke keiki. E ʻike pehea ka hana o kēia keiki, kahi e noʻonoʻo ai ʻo ia a me kāna manaʻo e ʻike ai i nā kūlana kūikawā mai kou ola. E noʻonoʻo pono i kāu "keiki" kūloko, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i ka "hoʻomanaʻo hoʻomanaʻo", ke ʻano noʻonoʻo o kāu keiki "I".

Maʻalahi e ʻike ka paʻalaha liʻiliʻi a me ka hana i loaʻa i loko o ke keiki. Eia kahi mea e ʻōlelo ana: "Manaʻo wau he keiki liʻiliʻi wau (me he mea lā hōʻole lākou iaʻu, hoʻowahāwahā iaʻu, hopohopo wau no ka noho mehameha, haʻahaʻa, hōʻino, makaʻu au i kekahi mea nui, a huhū paha wau, makemake wau e hana i nā mea āpau i ke kumu a me na mea ole, etc.). Eia kekahi, ʻo kekahi e puka i waho, hiki iā ia ke nānā i ke ʻano a me ka hoʻomaopopo: "Ua hele ʻoe me he keiki."

ʻAʻole e maʻalahi maʻalahi ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho, a ʻelua mau kumu no kēia.

ʻO ka mea mua, hiki ʻole i kekahi ke kūʻē i ka ʻike ʻana iā lākou iho e like me ke keiki. "Maikaʻi koʻu mau manaʻo a hōʻoia ʻia hoʻi!", "Malia paha he keiki au ma kekahi mau mea, akā he kumu maoli koʻu manaʻo e hoʻohauʻī a hōʻeha paha!" , ka ʻike kūleʻa ʻana iā ʻoe iho e māʻe ʻia i ka haʻaheo o nā keiki. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ʻoluʻolu ke ʻano o ka manaʻo a me ke ʻano kūlohelohe. I kekahi manawa paʻakikī ke hoʻomaopopo i kou mau manaʻo maoli, mau manaʻo a me nā makemake paha; Eia kekahi, ʻaʻole ia he akaka i ka mea i hoʻonāukiuki i kēlā ʻano kū i loko o ke kūlana a i ʻole ke ʻano o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.

I ka hihia mua, e kōkua ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoiai no ka lua - ka noʻonoʻo, ka hoʻopili ʻana, ka noʻonoʻo ʻana e kōkua. E kākau i nā ʻano maopopo ʻole a kūkākūkā me lākou i kāu therapist a i ʻole kumu aʻo; ʻike paha ʻoe i kāna mau mea i ʻike ai a i ʻole nā ​​nīnau koʻikoʻi. Inā ʻaʻole kēia e alakaʻi i kahi hopena hoʻoluʻolu, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻolohi i ka ʻāpana no kekahi manawa. Ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa nei ʻoe i ka nānā a me ka hoʻoponopono pilikino, ke ʻike ʻoe i kāu "keiki o loko" a me kāna mau hopena maʻamau, e lilo nā hanana i wehewehe ʻole ʻia i mea liʻiliʻi.

Eia nō naʻe, e nui nā hanana i ka wā e hoʻopiʻi ai nā hoʻopiʻi a ke "keiki", e ʻike maopopo ʻia nā ʻano kamaliʻi o kā ke kanaka kūloko a me waho me ka ʻole o ka hoʻokolokolo. I kekahi manawa ua lawa ia e hoʻomaopopo wale ai iā "iho hauʻoli ʻole" - a e ala aʻe kahi mamao i waena ma waena ou a me nā ʻano o ke kamaliʻi, minamina iā ʻoe iho. ʻAʻole pono e nalowale kahi manaʻo ʻoluʻolu i mea e nalowale ai kāna ʻoi.

I kekahi manawa pono e hoʻokomo i ka hoʻohenehene, e hoʻokākala i ka hoʻomākeʻaka o ka "pono ​​ʻole" - no ka laʻana, e aloha ana i kāu "keiki o loko", kāu keiki "I": "Auwe, kaumaha loa! Aloha 'ino! - Mea maikaʻi ʻole! " Inā holo pono ia, e ʻike ʻia ka minoʻaka ʻāwīwī, keu hoʻi inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo i ke ʻano aloha i ke alo o kēia keiki mai ka wā kahiko. Hiki ke hoʻololi i kēia hana i kūpono i nā makemake pilikino a me kahi ʻano hoʻomākeʻaka. E hoʻohenehene i kāu pēpē.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi, inā ua manawa kūpono ʻoe e hoʻohenehene i kēia pē aʻe ma mua o kekahi: i ka wā e ʻakaʻaka ai ʻelua, e hoʻonui ʻia ka hopena.

Aia kekahi mau hoʻopiʻi e ʻoi aku ka ikaika, ʻoiai ka pulakaumaka, ʻo ia hoʻi nā mea e pili ana i nā helu ʻekolu: me ka ʻike o ka hōʻole - no ka laʻana, he manaʻo haʻaheo o ke keiki ʻeha, waiwai ʻole, ʻino a me ka haʻahaʻa; me nā hoʻopiʻi no ke ola kino, e like me ka luhi; a, ʻo ka mea hope loa, me ke koʻikoʻi o ka hana ʻino ʻana a i ʻole nā ​​kūlana maikaʻi ʻole. No kēlā mau hoʻopiʻi, hoʻopili i ke ʻano o ka hyperdramatization i hoʻomohala ʻia e psychiatrist Arndt. Aia ia i loko o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua hoʻonui a hoʻonui ʻia ka hoʻopiʻi ʻōpio ʻōpio a hiki i kahi o ka absurdity, i hoʻomaka ai ke kanaka e minoʻaka a i ʻakaʻaka paha iā ia. Ua hoʻohana maʻalahi ʻia ke ʻano e ka mea pāʻani Palani ʻo 17 kenekulia Moliere, ka mea i ʻeha i ka hypochondria obsessive: ua hōʻike ʻo ia i kāna mau hana i hana hoʻomākeʻaka ʻia, a ʻo ka meʻe hoʻi nāna i hoʻonui i kona ʻehaʻeha ʻana i nā maʻi noʻonoʻo a no laila ua ʻakaʻaka ka poʻe hoʻolohe a me ka mea kākau iā ia iho.

ʻO ka ʻakaʻaka kahi lāʻau lapaʻau maikaʻi loa no nā manaʻo neurotic. Akā he mea nui ka wiwo ʻole a me kahi hoʻomaʻamaʻa ma mua o ka hiki i kahi kanaka ke ʻōlelo i kekahi mea hoʻomākeʻaka nona iho (ʻo ia hoʻi, e pili ana i kāna keiki ponoʻī), e hana i kahi kiʻi hoʻomākeʻaka iā ia iho a i ʻole e wili wale i mua o ke aniani, e hoʻohālike ana iā ia iho, i kāna hana, i kahi leo maʻalahi, e hoʻomāʻewaʻewa iā ia iho a ʻeha nā manaʻo. Lawe nui ka neurotic "I" iā ia iho - e ʻike nei i nā hoʻopiʻi ma ke ʻano he pōʻino maoli. ʻO ka mea hoihoi, i ka manawa like, hiki i ke kanaka ke hoʻomākeʻaka i ka hoʻomākeʻaka a me ka hoʻomākeʻaka e pili ana i nā mea pili ʻole iā ia iho.

ʻO Hyperdramatization ke ʻano nui o ka irony ponoʻī, akā hiki ke hoʻohana ʻia i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe.

Ma ka laulā, ka haʻahaʻa e ʻike i ka pilina, ka hui ʻana o ka manaʻo o ka mea "nui" a "ʻehaʻeha" paha, e hakakā me nā hoʻopiʻi a me ka minamina iā ʻoe iho, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻae ʻana a me ka ʻole o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana, e halihali i kekahi pilikia, e kōkua ana i kekahi kanaka i mea maoli maoli, ʻike i ka hoʻoponopono maoli ʻana o ko lākou mau pilikia e hoʻohālikelike ʻia i nā pilikia o kekahi. ʻO kēia āpau a pau e pono ai ke ulu mai kahi manaʻo loiloi o ka honua a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i hoʻokumu ʻia e ka pantema.

Me ka hyperdramatization, kūkulu ʻia ke kamaʻilio me he mea lā ʻo ke "keiki" i mua o mākou a i ʻole i loko o mākou. ʻO kahi laʻana, inā kū mai ka minamina pilikino mai kahi ʻano aloha ʻole a i ʻole ʻano ʻano hōʻole, e ʻōlelo paha ke kanaka i ke keiki o loko penei: “Poor Vanya, aloha ʻino ʻoe i ka mālama ʻia ʻana. Hahau wale ʻia ʻoe ma ʻō, a, haehae pū ʻia kou kapa, akā he aha nā ʻūlū! .. "Inā ʻoe e haʻaheo i ka haʻaheo keiki, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo i kēia:" Mea maikaʻi ʻole, ua hoʻolei aku lākou iā ʻoe, e Napoleon, e like me ke kupuna kāne o Lenin i nā makahiki kanaiwa? "- a i ka manawa like, e noʻonoʻo i ka lehulehu e hoʻomāʻewaʻewa ana a me ka" mea ʻilihune "i nakinaki ʻia me nā kaula, e uē ana. I ka minamina ponoʻī e pili ana i ka mehameha, maʻa mau i waena o nā homosexuals, hiki iā ʻoe ke pane penei: “He mea weliweli loa! Pulu kou pālule, pulu nā pale, ʻo nā puka aniani hoʻi i huki ʻia mai kou waimaka mai. Aia nō nā puddles ma ka papahele, a i loko o lākou e lawaiʻa ana nā iʻa me nā maka kaumaha loa i ka pōʻai "... a pēlā aku.

Nui nā kāne kāne, nā kāne a me nā wahine, manaʻo liʻiliʻi i ka nani ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe o ke kāne like, ʻoiai hōʻeha lākou iā lākou e ʻae. I kēia hihia, hoʻonui i ka hoʻopiʻi nui (lahilahi, ʻoi nui ke kaumaha, pepeiao nui, ihu, poʻohiwi kūiki, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe). I mea e hōʻoki ʻole ai i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana iā ʻoe iho me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe hou aʻe, e noʻonoʻo ʻoe i kāu "keiki" me he wahine helehelena maikaʻi ʻole, waiho ʻia e nā mea āpau, nā mea ʻoʻopa, i nā kapa ʻaʻano e hoʻomoe ai ke aloha. Hiki i ke kāne ke noʻonoʻo iā ia iho me he freak uē liʻiliʻi, ʻaʻohe o nā mākala a me ka ikaika o ke kino, me ka leo ʻūlū, a pēlā aku. Hiki i kahi wahine ke noʻonoʻo i kahi "kaikamahine" weliweli loa me kahi ʻumiʻumi, biceps e like me Schwarzenegger's, etc. A laila hoʻohālikelike i kēia mea ʻilihune i kahi akua kiʻi hoʻonaninani, e hoʻonui ana i ka mālamalama o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e noʻonoʻo i ka uē nui no ke aloha o ka "ʻilihune" i make i ke alanui, ʻoiai e hele ana kekahi poʻe ʻē, me ka nānā ʻole i kēia mea ʻaihue liʻiliʻi pololi no ke aloha.

Aʻo kahi noʻonoʻo, noʻonoʻo paha i kahi ʻano kupanaha kahi e ʻohi ai kahi mea aloha i ke keiki kāne a me ke kaikamahine e ʻōpio ana a kani wale nō ka mahina me ke ʻano piha. "Ma hope, aloha iki, ma hope o nā ʻehaʻeha āpau!" Hōʻike lākou i loko o ka hale kiʻiʻoniʻoni: ke uwē nei ka lehulehu e haʻalele ʻole, ke haʻalele nei nā mea nānā aku i ka hōʻike, ʻehaʻeha, hoʻomāhū ʻia i loko o kēlā me kēia lima ma luna o kēia mea ʻilihune, a ʻo ka hope loa, ma hope o ka huli ʻana, nui ka ʻoluʻolu kanaka. Pēlā, ʻo ka noi nui i ke aloha e ke "keiki", ua hyperdramatized. I ka hyperdramatization, kūʻokoʻa kahi kanaka, hiki iā ia ke hoʻolālā i nā moʻolelo holoʻokoʻa, i kekahi manawa o ka fantasy ke hoʻohui i nā mea o ke ola maoli. E hoʻohana i kekahi mea i ʻoluʻolu paha iā ʻoe; e hoʻoili i kāu hōʻailona ponoʻī no kou ʻike pilikino.

Inā kūʻē kekahi he naʻaupō a me ke keiki kēia, ʻae au. Akā maʻa mau ke kūʻē mai ka pale kūloko i ka irony ponoʻī. ʻO kaʻu ʻōlelo aʻo, e hoʻomaka me nā mea hoʻomākeʻaka liʻiliʻi e pili ana i ka pilikia āu e kau nui ʻole ai. Hiki ke hana maikaʻi i ka hoʻomākeʻaka, a ʻoiai he hoʻomākeʻaka kamaliʻi ia, ʻaʻole pono iā mākou e nalo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e lanakila kēia maʻa i ka naʻau keiki. Hoʻohana ka hoʻohana o ka irony ponoʻī i kahi hapa o ke komo ʻana i loko o ke ʻano pēpē a i ʻole pubertal o kēia mau hopena. ʻO ka hana mua e ʻike mau a hōʻoia i ka pēpē a me ka minamina ponoʻī. Hoʻomaopopo pū kekahi e hoʻohana mau ʻia ka ironi ponoʻī e nā poʻe haʻahaʻa, psychologically health.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi ke nānā aku i nā mea a mākou e ʻōlelo ai a pehea mākou e ʻōlelo ai e ʻike a hakakā i nā ʻano minamina. Ke namunamu nei paha ke kanaka i loko a i ʻole me ka leo nui, no laila pono ʻoe e nānā i kāu kamaʻilio me nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā ​​hoa hana a e noʻonoʻo pono i nā manawa ke makemake ʻoe e hoʻopiʻi. E hoʻāʻo e pili ʻole i kēia makemake: e hoʻololi i ke kumuhana a i ʻole e ʻōlelo i kekahi mea e like me: "He paʻakikī kēia (maikaʻi ʻole, hewa, a pēlā wale aku), akā pono mākou e hoʻāʻo e loaʻa ka mea nui loa mai kēia kūlana." Ma ka hana ʻana i kēia hoʻokolohua maʻalahi i kēlā me kēia manawa, e ʻike ai ʻoe i ka ikaika o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana e pili ana i kāu hopena a me kāu mau makaʻu, a me ka pinepine a me ka maʻalahi o kou hoʻowalewale ʻana i kēia hoʻowalewale. Pono nō hoʻi e hōʻole i ka makemake e empathize ke hoʻopiʻi kekahi, e hōʻike i ko lākou huhū a huhū paha.

Eia naʻe, ʻo ka "Adverse" therapy, ʻaʻole ia he mana maʻalahi o ka "noʻonoʻo maikaʻi." ʻAʻohe mea hewa o ka hōʻike ʻana i ke kaumaha a i ʻole nā ​​pilikia i nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā ​​lālā o ka ʻohana - ʻoiai ke hana ʻia me ke kaohi, me ke kūlike i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻolei ʻia nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole a me nā manaʻo no ka pono o ka "manaʻo maikaʻi" i hoʻonui ʻia: ʻo ko mākou ʻenemi he kamaliʻi kamaliʻi wale nona iho. E hoʻāʻo e hoʻokaʻawale ma waena o nā hōʻike maʻamau o ke kaumaha a me ka hoʻohoka a me ka ʻōhumu ʻana o ke keiki a me ke kaniʻuhū.

"Akā no ka ʻeha a mai hoʻopihapiha i ke aloha pilikino pēpē, mai ʻōhumu, pono ʻoe i ka ikaika a me ka wiwo ʻole." - Kūʻē ʻoe. ʻOiaʻiʻo, koi kēia paio ma mua o ka hoʻomākeʻaka wale. Hōʻike ia e pono ʻoe e hana mau iā ʻoe iho i kēlā me kēia lā.

Hoomanawanui a me ka haʻahaʻa

ʻO ka hana paʻa e alakaʻi i ka pono o ke ahonui - ke ahonui me ʻoe iho, i kāu mau hemahema ponoʻī, a me ka hoʻomaopopo e loli ka loli. ʻO ke ahonui ka helehelena o ke ʻano ʻōpio: paʻakikī i ke keiki e ʻae i kona nāwaliwali, a ke makemake ʻo ia e hoʻololi i kekahi mea, manaʻo ʻo ia e hiki koke ia. I ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana, ʻo ka ʻae ʻana i ke olakino ponoʻī iā ʻoe iho (ʻo ia ka mea ʻokoʻa ma mua o ka hoʻolaha ākea ʻana o nā nāwaliwali) ʻo ia hoʻi ka ikaika nui, akā i ka manawa like me ka ʻoluʻolu e ʻae iā ʻoe iho me kou nāwaliwali a me ke kuleana e hana hewa. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka ʻae ʻana iā ʻoe iho ka manaʻo o ka hoʻohui maoli, ka mahalo iā ʻoe iho a me ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa.

ʻO ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ka mea nui e oʻo ai ke kanaka. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, loaʻa i kēlā me kēia o kā mākou nā wahi maʻalea, a ʻike pinepine ʻia i nā hemahema - ka psychological a me ka pono. Ke noʻonoʻo pono iā ʻoe iho ma ke ʻano he "hero" impeccable e noʻonoʻo e like me ke keiki; no laila, ke hoʻokani nei i kahi kūlana pōpilikia he kamaliʻi, a i ʻole, i nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, he hōʻailona o ka haʻahaʻa ʻole. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Karl Stern: "ʻO ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo ka inferiority complex e kūʻē loa i ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa maoli." (1951, 97). ʻO ka hoʻoikaika kino i ka pono o ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa he kōkua nui i ka hakakā ʻana me ka neurosis. A me ka hoʻohenehene iā ia iho i mea e ʻike ai i ka hilinaʻi o ka pēpē iho a hōʻaʻo i kāna mau koi i ka mea nui hiki ke ʻike ʻia ma ke ʻano he hoʻohaʻahaʻa.

Hoʻohui pinepine ʻia kahi paʻakikī haʻahaʻa me ka manaʻo o ke kiʻekiʻe ma kekahi wahi a i ʻole. Ke hoʻāʻo nei ke keiki ponoʻī e hōʻoia i kona waiwai, a, ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻae i kāna mea i manaʻo ʻia he haʻahaʻa, lawe ʻia e ka minamina ponoʻī. Kūleʻa kūʻokoʻa nā keiki, manaʻo "koʻikoʻi" me he mea lā ʻo lākou ke kikowaena o ke ao holoʻokoʻa; maʻalahi lākou i ka haʻaheo, he ʻoiaʻiʻo, pēpē - no ka mea he keiki lākou. I ke ʻano, i nā ʻano inferiority āpau kekahi mea o ka haʻaheo i hōʻeha ʻia, a i ka nui e ʻae ʻole ai ke keiki o loko i kāna haʻahaʻa (i manaʻo ʻia). Wehewehe kēia i nā hoʻāʻo hou aʻe e hoʻonui i ka uku: "ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, he kūikawā au - ʻoi aku koʻu maikaʻi ma mua o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe." ʻO kēia, ma ke ʻano he kī i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke kumu o ka manaʻo pilikino neurotic, i ka hoʻokani ʻana i nā kuleana, i ka makemake e lilo i kikowaena o ka nānā a me ke aloha, ke alo nei mākou me ka haʻahaʻa o ka haʻahaʻa: ʻo ka manaʻo pilikino i hoʻopōʻino loa ʻia e pili ana me ka megalomania. A no laila, ʻo nā kāne a me nā wahine me ka paʻakikī homosexual, ua hoʻoholo ʻia he "kūlohelohe" kā lākou mau makemake, hāʻule pinepine i ka makemake e hoʻohuli i ko lākou ʻokoʻa i kā lākou kiʻekiʻe. Hiki i nā mea like ke ʻōlelo ʻia e pili ana i nā pedophiles: Ua wehewehe ʻo André Gideed i kāna "aloha" no nā keikikāne ma ke ʻano he kiʻekiʻe loa o ko ke kāne aloha i ke kāne. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o nā homosexuals, pani i nā kūlohelohe ʻole no ke kūlohelohe a kāhea ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo he wahaheʻe, kaʻi ʻia e ka haʻaheo ʻaʻole ia he kumumanaʻo wale nō; ʻike ʻia kēia i ko lākou ola. "He mōʻī wau," i hōʻike ʻia e kahi ex-gay e pili ana i kāna wā i hala. He lapuwale ka nui o nā homosexuals, narcissistic i ka lawena a me ke kapa komo - i kekahi manawa ka palena ma megalomania. Ke hoʻowahāwahā nei kekahi mau homosexuals i ke kanaka "maʻamau", nā male "maʻamau", ʻohana "maʻamau"; waiho i ko lākou haʻaheo iā lākou i makapō i nā waiwai he nui.

No laila, ʻo ka haʻaheo i loko o nā kāne a me nā wahine he kāne a he wahine paha ka overcompensation. ʻO ka manaʻo o kā lākou iho haʻahaʻa, nā kamalei a nā keiki "ʻole" i lilo i ʻano hanohano: "ʻAʻole wau kekahi o ʻoukou! ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku koʻu maikaʻi ma mua ou - kūikawā wau! He lāhui ʻokoʻa wau: makana nui wau, ʻoi loa hoʻi. A makemake wau e ʻeha loa. " I kekahi manawa ua kau ʻia kēia manaʻo o ke kiʻekiʻe e nā mākua, kā lākou nānā kūikawā a me ka mahalo - i ʻike pinepine ʻia i ka pilina me ka makua o ka wahine ʻē aʻe. ʻO kahi keikikāne punahele a kona makuahine e hoʻomohala maʻalahi i kahi manaʻo o ke kiʻekiʻe, e like me ke kaikamahine e hoʻohuli i kona ihu i ka nānā kūikawā a me ka mahalo o kona makuakāne. ʻO ka haʻaheo o nā homosexuals he nui e hoʻi pololei ana i ka wā kamaliʻi, a ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, i kēia mea pono lākou e aloha ʻia ma ke ʻano he kamaliʻi kūpono ʻole: hui ʻia me kahi ʻano haʻahaʻa, hoʻoliʻiliʻi ka haʻaheo i nā homosexual a maʻalahi hoʻi i ka loiloi.

ʻO ka haʻahaʻa, ka mea ʻē aʻe, hoʻokuʻu i ka. I mea e aʻo ai i ka haʻahaʻa, pono ʻoe e ʻike i kāu ʻano, nā huaʻōlelo a me nā manaʻo i nā hōʻailona o ka lapuwale, haʻaheo, hoʻokūkū, hoʻonāukiuki a me ka haʻanui, a me nā hōʻailona o ka haʻaheo o ka hōʻeha, makemake ʻole e ʻae i ke kani maikaʻi ʻana. Pono e hōʻole, e ʻoluʻolu mālie iā lākou, a i ʻole a hōʻole ʻole iā ia. Hana kēia i ka wā e kūkulu ai kekahi kanaka i kiʻi hou o kāna "I", "I-ʻike maoli", me ka maopopo he mana maoli nō ia, akā ua pau nā hana, "maʻamau" nā mea haʻahaʻa o ka mea haahaa, ʻaʻole hoʻokaʻawale ʻia e kekahi mea kūikawā.

9. Hoʻololi o ka noʻonoʻo a me ka lawena

I ka wā o ke hakakā kūloko ʻana me nā hemahema o ka wahine i kahi kanaka, e ala ʻia ka makemake a me ka hiki ke hoʻomaopopo iā ʻoe iho.

He mea paʻakikī ka manaʻo nui o ka makemake. ʻOiai ʻo ke kanaka e aloha i nā makemake kāne a i ʻole nā ​​moemoeā, ʻaʻole paha e kūleʻa ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i ka loli. ʻOiaʻiʻo, i kēlā me kēia manawa a ke kanaka e hoʻohālua ai i ka moekolohe paha, hānai ʻia kēia hoihoi - kahi hoʻohālikelike me ka wai ʻona a i ʻole ka mea hōʻalo i ka puhipaka kahi kūpono ma aneʻi.

ʻO kēlā ʻano hōʻailona o ke koʻikoʻi nui o ka makemake, ʻaʻole ia he kumu he makehewa ka ʻike iā ia iho; akā naʻe, ʻaʻole hāʻawi ka ʻike iā ʻoe iho i ka ikaika e kāpae i nā makemake moekolohe pēpē - hiki wale kēia me ke kōkua o ka hoʻoliʻiliʻi piha o ka makemake. Pono e hana i kēia hakakā me ka mālie piha, me ka ʻole o ka weliweli: pono ia e hana me ke ahonui a me ke ʻano maoli - e like me ka ʻelemakule e hoʻāʻo ana e kaohi i kahi kūlana paʻakikī. Mai hoʻokuʻu i ka ʻiʻini o ke kuko e hoʻoweliweli iā ʻoe, mai hoʻolilo ia mea i mea pōʻino, mai hōʻole iā ia, a mai hoʻonui i kou huhū. E hoʻāʻo wale e hōʻole i kēia makemake.

Mai hōʻino hōʻemi i ka makemake. Ma ka noʻonoʻo maʻamau, ua kau ʻia ke koʻikoʻi ma luna o ka ʻimi naʻauao (psychoanalysis) a i ʻole ma ke aʻo ʻana (ʻano ʻano, ʻano hoʻokaumaha ʻia), ʻo ia nō ka mea nui o ka hoʻololi: ʻo ka ʻoluʻolu a me nā hoʻomaʻamaʻa ka mea nui, akā pili ko lākou pono i ka mea e kau ʻia ana ka makemake . ^ E Ha yM.

Ma o ka noʻonoʻo pono ʻana iā ʻoe iho, pono ka homosexual e hoʻoholo i ka hoʻoholo mana paʻa paʻa: "ʻAʻole wau e haʻalele i kēia mau homosexual e koi i kahi manawa liʻiliʻi loa." I kēia hoʻoholo e pono e ulu mau - e laʻa me ka hoʻi mau ʻana iā ia, keu hoʻi i kahi noho mālie, ke uhi ʻole ʻia ka noʻonoʻo e ka huhū erotic. Ma hope o ka hoʻoholo ʻana, hiki i ke kanaka ke hāʻawi i ka hoʻowalewale o ka hoʻoliʻiliʻi homosexual nui a homoerotic paha, e hāʻawi koke a me ka ʻole, me ka ʻole o ka lua i loko. I ka hapa nui o nā hihia, ke makemake ka "homosexual" e hoʻōla ʻia, akā aneane kūleʻa ʻole, ʻo ka manaʻo paha ʻaʻole i hoʻoholo hope ʻia ka "hoʻoholo", a no laila ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hakakā me ka ikaika a ua hoʻohoka, akā, e hoʻopiʻi i ka ikaika o kāna moe kolohe a me nā kūlana. Ma hope o kekahi mau makahiki o ke kūleʻa a pili hoʻi i kekahi manawa i loko o nā moemoeā o ka moekolohe, ua ʻike ka homosexual ʻaʻole loa ʻo ia i makemake e kāpae i kāna kuko, "ʻĀnō maopopo iaʻu ke kumu o ka paʻakikī loa. ʻOiaʻiʻo, makemake mau wau i ka hoʻopakele, akā ʻaʻole hoʻokahi haneli pākēneka! " No laila, ʻo ka hana mua e hoʻoikaika i ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe i ka makemake. A laila pono pono e hoʻohou i kahi manawa i ka hopena i lilo ia i mea paʻa, lilo i ʻano maʻamau, a i ʻole, e nāwaliwali hou ka hopena.

He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo he mau minuke, a he mau hola, ke hoʻouka ikaika ʻia ke kūʻokoʻa e nā kuko kuko. "I kēlā mau manawa, makemake wau e hāʻawi i kaʻu mau makemake," he nui ka poʻe i koi ʻia e ʻae. I kēia manawa ʻoluʻolu loa ka hakakā; akā inā ʻaʻohe manaʻo kūpaʻa o kekahi kanaka, hiki ʻole ke hoʻomanawanui ʻia.

Hiki i nā impulses homosexual ke ʻano like ʻole: ʻo kahi laʻana, hiki i kahi makemake e moemoeā e pili ana i kahi malihini i ʻike ʻia ma ke alanui a i ʻole ma ka hana, ma ke kīwī a i ʻole i kahi kiʻi i loko o kahi nūpepa; hiki ke lilo i moeʻuhane i hoʻokumu ʻia e kekahi mau manaʻo a i ʻole nā ​​ʻike i hala; hiki ke lilo i koi e hele e ʻimi i kahi hoa no ka pō. Ma kēia mea, e maʻalahi ka hoʻoholo ʻana "no" i kekahi hihia ma mua o kekahi. Hiki i ka makemake ke ikaika loa a lilo ka noʻonoʻo i ao, a laila ua koi ʻia kekahi e hana wale e ka makemake. ʻElua mau manaʻo i hiki ke kōkua i kēia mau manawa kūpilikiʻi: "Pono wau e ʻoiaʻiʻo, kūpaʻa me aʻu iho, ʻaʻole wau e hoʻopunipuni iaʻu iho," a "he kūʻokoʻa koʻu, ʻoiai kēia kuko ʻiʻo." Hoʻomaʻamaʻa mākou i kā mākou makemake ke ʻike mākou: "Hiki iaʻu ke neʻe i kuʻu lima i kēia manawa, hiki iaʻu ke ala aʻe a haʻalele i kēia manawa - pono wau e hāʻawi i kahi kauoha iaʻu iho. Akā ʻo koʻu makemake nō ia - e noho ma aneʻi i kēia keʻena, a e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iaʻu iho ka haku o koʻu mau manaʻo a koi. Inā make wai wau, hiki iaʻu ke hoʻoholo ʻaʻole e ʻae i ka make wai. " Hiki i nā maʻa liʻiliʻi ke kōkua ma aneʻi: no ka laʻana, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo me ka leo nui: "Ua hoʻoholo wau e noho ma ka home," a i ʻole ke kākau ʻana i lalo a hoʻopaʻanaʻau paha i kekahi mau manaʻo pono, nā huaʻōlelo, heluhelu ia mau mea i ka manawa hoʻowalewale.

Akā ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka nānā mālie - e haki i ke kaulahao o nā kiʻi me ka ʻole o ka nānā ʻana i ka helehelena o ke kanaka a i ʻole ke kiʻi. ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻoholo ke ʻike mākou i kekahi mea. E hoʻāʻo e ʻike ke nānā aku ʻoe i kekahi, ke hoʻohālikelike nei paha ʻoe, “ʻ!! ʻO Prince Charming! Akua wahine! A ʻo wau ... i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana me lākou he mea ʻole wau. " E hoʻomaopopo i kēia mau koi he noi walohia wale nō ia o kāu pēpē iho: “Nani ʻoe, nani ke kāne (wahine). E ʻoluʻolu, e nānā mai iaʻu, me ka hauʻoli ʻole. " ʻO ka nui o ka ʻike o ke kanaka e pili ana i kāna "ʻilihune pilikino", ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka mamao iā ia iā ia iho a hoʻohana i ka mea kaua o kona makemake.

ʻO kahi ala maikaʻi e kōkua ai iā ʻoe iho e ʻike i ke ʻano ʻole o ka ʻimi ʻana i ka launa kāne me ka moekolohe, inā ma ka moemoeā a i ʻole ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. E hoʻāʻo e ʻike i kēia makemake ʻaʻole ʻoe he mākua, he kanaka kuleana, akā he keiki e makemake e hoʻopōpō iā ia iho me ka ʻoluʻolu a me ka leʻaleʻa maoli. Hoʻomaopopo ʻaʻole kēia he aloha maoli, akā hoihoi pono, no ka mea, ʻike ʻia kahi hoa ma ke ʻano he mea no ka leʻaleʻa, ʻaʻole ma ke ʻano he kanaka, he kanaka. Pono e hoʻomanaʻo ʻia kēia i ka hihia inā ʻaʻohe makemake i ka moekolohe.

Ke maopopo ʻoe i ke ʻano maleie a me ka pīhoihoi i ka moekolohe, hiki mai ka ʻike i kona haumia. Kūpilikiʻi ke kuko i ka ʻike pono, akā ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻopau loa i ka leo o ka lunamanaʻo: he nui ka poʻe e ʻike nei he haumia kā lākou moekolohe a i ʻole ka masturbation. E hoʻomaopopo pono ai i kēia, pono e hoʻoikaika i ka hoʻoholo e kūʻē iā ia: e kūʻē i ke kumu o nā manaʻo olakino, e ʻike akāka ʻia ka maʻemaʻe ʻole. A mai noʻonoʻo inā hoʻomāʻewaʻewa kēia manaʻo e nā mea kākoʻo moekolohe - hewa ʻole lākou. ʻOiaʻiʻo, hoʻoholo kēlā me kēia nona iho inā e hoʻolohe i ka maʻemaʻe a me ka haumia. Akā e hoʻomanaʻo i ka hōʻole ʻana i kēia hihia ka hana o ka hana pale pale pale "negation". Ua makemake kekahi o kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku i nā mea āpau e nānā i hoʻokahi mea: honi ʻo ia i ka lole komo o ka poʻe ʻōpio a noʻonoʻo i nā pāʻani moekolohe me lākou. Ua kōkua ʻia ʻo ia e ka manaʻo hikiwawe i kēia hana hoʻowahāwahā: ua manaʻo ʻo ia e hōʻino ana i ke kino o kāna mau hoaaloha i kāna moemoeā, e hoʻohana ana i kā lākou lole komo no ka hōʻoluʻolu. Ua manaʻo kēia manaʻo iā ia he haumia ʻole, haumia. E like me nā hana kolohe ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku ka ikaika o ka hōʻole kūloko kūloko (i nā huaʻōlelo ʻē, ke ʻike maopopo nei mākou i ka hana ma ke ʻano maikaʻi ʻole), ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka ʻōlelo ʻana ʻaʻole.

ʻO ka hoʻāla homosexual pinepine ia he "pane hōʻoluʻolu" ma hope o ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hoka a me ka hoka. I kēlā mau hihia, pono e ʻike ʻia ka minamina ponoʻī i kēia mea a hyperdramatized, no ka mea, ʻaʻole kūpono nā pōpilikia i ʻike pinepine ʻia i nā moemoeā erotic. Eia nō naʻe, kū mai nā manaʻo homosexual mai kēlā manawa i kēia manawa a ma lalo o nā ʻano ʻokoʻa loa, ke manaʻo nui ke kanaka a noʻonoʻo ʻole e pili ana i kekahi mea e like me kēlā. Hiki i kēia ke hoʻomaka ʻia e nā mea hoʻomanaʻo, nā hui. ʻIke ke kanaka ua ʻike ʻo ia iā ia iho i kahi kūlana i pili mua ʻia me kahi ʻike moekolohe: ma kekahi kūlanakauhale, ma kekahi wahi, i kekahi lā, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe. Hiki koke mai kahi makemake kāne kāne - a pīhoihoi ke kanaka. Akā i ka wā e hiki mai ana, inā ʻike ke kanaka i kēlā mau manawa mai ka ʻike, hiki iā ia ke hoʻomākaukau no lākou, e like me ka hoʻomanaʻo mau ʻana iā ia iho i ka hoʻoholo e haʻalele ʻole i ka "hoʻonani" koke o kēia mau kūlana kūikawā.

Nui nā kāne, nā kāne a me nā wahine, masturbate pinepine, a ua hoʻopili kēia iā lākou i loko o ke kaua o nā mea hoihoi a me ka egocentricity moepae. Hiki ke luku ʻia ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka hakakā loa, me ka haʻalele ʻole o ka hāʻule hiki.

ʻO ke hakakā ʻana i ka masturbation ua like loa ia me ka hakakā ʻana i nā kiʻi homoerotic, akā aia kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona kikoʻī. No ka mea he nui, ʻo ka masturbation kahi hōʻoluʻolu ma hope o ka hōʻeha ʻana a i ʻole ka hoka. ʻAe ke kāne iā ia iho e poholo i nā moemoeā o ke keiki. I kēia hihia, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo i kēia papahana: i kēlā me kēia kakahiaka, a inā he pono (i ke ahiahi a i ʻole ma mua o ka hiamoe ʻana), e ʻōlelo paʻa hou: "Ma kēia lā (pō) ʻaʻole wau e hāʻawi." Me kēia ʻano, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o nā hōʻailona mua o nā makemake e kupu nei. A laila hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo iā ʻoe iho, "ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole wau e ʻae iaʻu i kēia leʻaleʻa." E ʻoluʻolu wau e ʻeha iki a ʻaʻole e loaʻa kēia 'Wishlist' ". E noʻonoʻo i kahi keiki a ka makuahine e hōʻole nei e hāʻawi iā ia i ka momona; huhū ke keiki, hoʻomaka e uē, a hakakā pū kekahi. A laila e noʻonoʻo ʻo kēia kāu "keiki o loko" a hyperdramatize i kāna hana ("makemake wau i ka candy!"). ʻĀnō e ʻōlelo, "Minamina kou hana me ka ʻole o kēia ʻoliʻoli iki!" A i ʻole e kamaʻilio iā ʻoe iho (kāu "keiki") ma ke ʻano he makuakāne koʻikoʻi: "ʻAʻole, Vanechka (Mashenka), i kēia lā ua ʻōlelo ʻo makuakāne ʻaʻole. ʻAʻohe mea pāʻani. Ka lā 'āpōpō paha. Hana i ka ʻōlelo a ka makuakāne! ”. Hana like i ka lā ʻapōpō. No laila, e noʻonoʻo pono i kēia lā; ʻaʻohe pono e noʻonoʻo: "ʻAʻole wau e kūleʻa i kēia, ʻaʻole loa wau e hemo." Pono ka hakakā i kēlā me kēia lā, ʻo kēia ka hiki ʻana mai o ka mākaukau o ka abstinence. A ʻoi aku. Mai hana keaka i ke kūlana inā hōʻike ʻoe i ka nāwaliwali a wāwahi hou paha. E haʻi iā ʻoe iho: "ʻAe, he naʻaupō wau, akā pono wau e neʻe i mua," e like me ka hana a ka mea ʻaleʻale. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hele, ʻaʻole ʻoe e ulu, e ikaika ana ʻoe. A ʻo kēia ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana, e like me ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana mai ka waiʻona: manaʻo maikaʻi ke kanaka, ka maluhia, me ka hauʻoli.

Aia kekahi maʻa: ke ʻike ʻia kahi makemake kāne make, mai hāʻawi pio, akā e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho hiki i kahi kanaka makua ke manaʻo i kekahi mea a, ʻoiai me kēia, hoʻomau i ka hana a moe mālie paha i ka moena - i ka nui, kaohi iā ia iho. E noʻonoʻo e like me ka maopopo i kahi kanaka e paipai ana iā ia ʻaʻole e hoʻokomo iā ia iho: "ʻAe, eia koʻu makemake e lilo!" A i ʻole e noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe e haʻi aku nei i kāu wahine a kāne paha - i kou hoahānau i ka wā e hiki mai ana - a i ʻole kāu mau keiki (e hiki mai ana), e pili ana i kou hakakā ʻana me ka makemake e masturbate. E noʻonoʻo e hilahila ʻoe inā ʻoe e ʻae ʻaʻole ʻoe i hakakā, hakakā maikaʻi ʻole, a hāʻawi wale paha.

Eia kekahi, ʻo kēia "aloha hoʻopiha" i nā moemoeā masturbatory hiki ke hyperdramatized. ʻO kahi laʻana, e haʻi i kāu "keiki o loko": "Nānā hohonu ʻo ia i kou mau maka, a iā lākou - ke aloha mau loa nou, ka mea ʻilihune, a me ka mahanahana no kou ʻuhane pōpilikia a pōloli aloha ..." etc. Ma ka laulā, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomāʻewaʻewa kā lākou moemoeā a i ʻole nā ​​mea o lākou (e laʻa me nā kikoʻī fetishistic). Akā, ʻo ka mea mua loa, hyperdramatize i kēia ʻike paʻakikī loa ia, e uē ana, e kono ana, e kuʻi nei i ka hoʻopiʻi: "E hāʻawi iaʻu, e ka mea ʻilihune, kou aloha!" ʻO ka hoʻomākeʻaka a me ka minoʻaka e lanakila i nā moemoeā homoerotic ʻelua a me ka makemake e masturbate e pili pū me lākou. ʻO ka pilikia me nā naʻau neurotic ʻo ia ka pale ʻana i ka hiki ke ʻakaʻaka iā ʻoe iho. Kūʻē ka pēpē iā ʻoe iho i ka hoʻomākeʻaka a me nā hoʻomākeʻaka i kuhikuhi ʻia i kona "koʻikoʻi". Eia nō naʻe, inā hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻoe, hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo e ʻakaʻaka iā ʻoe iho.

Kūpono wale ia he nui nā manaʻo o nā homosexual he nui e pili ana i ka moekolohe. Manaʻo kekahi, no ka laʻana, pono ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ko lākou ikaika moekolohe. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono e hoʻonui i ka hyperdramatized i ka paʻakikī haʻahaʻa kāne ma lalo o kēlā ʻano ʻike. Mai hoʻāʻo e "hōʻoia" i kāu "kāne" ma ka pauma ʻana i nā mākala, e ulu ana ka ʻumiʻumi a me ka ʻumiʻumi, a pēlā aku. ʻO kēia mau manaʻo ʻōpio āpau no ke kāne kāne, a na lākou wale nō ʻoe e alakaʻi aku i kāu pahuhopu.

No kekahi keristiano i loko o ka hoʻokūkū o ka male, ʻo ia ka mea kūpono e hoʻohui i kahi manaʻo noʻonoʻo a me ka pili kino. ʻO kēia hoʻohui, i koʻuʻike, e hāʻawi i ka hōʻoia maikaʻi loa o ka hoʻololi.

Ke kaua ʻana i ka pēpē

No laila, ma mua o mākou he "oʻo" makua ʻole, ponoʻī. ʻO ka mea heluhelu noʻonoʻo, ke aʻo ʻana i ka mokuna e pili ana i ka ʻike pilikino, ua ʻike paha i kekahi mau ʻano pēpē a i ʻole nā ​​pono i loko ona iho. Maopopo leʻa i ka hoʻololi i ka makahiki a me ke ʻano o ke kūlana makua ʻaʻole e hana maʻalahi. no kēia mea he mea pono e lanakila i ke kaua me ke keiki ponoʻī - a he manawa kēlā.

Pono ke kanaka e makemake i ka male male i ka "keiki haʻahaʻa" e ʻimi nei i ka nānā a me ka naʻau aloha. Ma kahi kikoʻī, ʻo ka hōʻike ʻana o kēia e makemake paha i manaʻo nui, a i manaʻo ʻia, a i ʻole e mahalo " hiki i ka "keiki" ke makemake ke makemake a noi i ke aloha, aloha ai, ai ʻole hoʻi. Pono e noʻonoʻo, ʻo kēia mau manaʻo, ka mea e lawe ai i ka leʻaleʻa i loko, he ʻokoʻa ka manaʻo mai ka leʻaleʻa olakino e loaʻa ana e ke kanaka mai ke ola, mai ka ʻike maoli ʻana.

Ke kamaʻilio pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, pono e hoʻomaopopo i kēlā mau kuhi e "hōʻoluʻolu iā lākou iho" a haʻalele iā lākou. Ma ke wā he nui aʻe, e ʻike ia i ka nui o kā mākou mau hana, nā manaʻo a me nā kumu e ulu pololei nei mai kēia keiki ponoʻī no ka hōʻoia ʻana iā ia iho. Ke kāohi wale nei ka pēpē i ka nānā pono o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO nā koi o ke aloha a me ke aloha e hiki ke lilo i loko haki wale: ua paʻa ke kanaka a me ka lili a me ka huikau ke loaʻa mai ka poʻe. ʻO ka makemake o ke "keiki kūloko" no ke aloha a me ka nānā pono e hoʻokaʻawale ʻia mai ka pono maʻamau o ke kanaka no ke aloha. ʻO ka mea hope loa, ma ka liʻiliʻi loa, e hoʻolohe i ka pono e aloha ai i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka laʻana, ʻo ka aloha unrequited aloha e lawe i ka kaumaha, ʻaʻole ka huhū a me nā keiki aloha aloha.

Pono e kāohi ʻia nā hoʻāʻo ʻana i ka ʻōlelo pilikino pēpē - ma kēia wale nō hiki ke holo wikiwiki. Mai poina e pili ana i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana i mea nui i kou mau maka ponoʻī, e kū i waho, i mea e mahalo ai. I kekahi manawa ua like ka manaʻo pilikino pēpē me "reparative", kahi hoʻāʻo e hoʻihoʻi i kahi mea i nalowale i ka wā i hala; ʻoiaʻiʻo nō kēia no nā hoʻopiʻi o ka haʻahaʻa. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ma ka hōʻoluʻolu iā lākou, hoʻonui wale ʻoe i ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana iā ʻoe iho: hoʻopili pū ʻia nā manaʻo pēpē āpau e like me nā moku kamaʻilio; "Hānai" ʻana i kekahi, hoʻoikaika ikaika ʻoe i kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka hōʻoia pilikino makua e lawe mai i ka hauʻoli a me ka ʻoluʻolu no ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokō i kekahi mea, akā ʻaʻole no ka mea he "kūikawā loa" ʻoe. Hoʻohui pū ka makua makua ponoʻī i ka mahalo, no ka mea, ʻike ke kanaka makua i ka hilinaʻi o kāna mau hana.

Ke kau nei i nā pale maka, hoʻomeamea, e hoʻāʻo nei e hana i kahi ʻano kūikawā - hiki ke ʻike ʻia kēia ʻano lawena e ʻimi nei i ka nānā, ka minamina. E lanakila i kēia mau mea āpau i ke kahua o nā "ʻōuli", ke ʻike koke ʻoe he maʻalahi ia - no kēia mea pono wale nō ʻoe e haʻalele i ka leʻaleʻa o "nika" narcissistic. ʻO ka hopena e loaʻa i kahi ʻano hoʻomaha, kahi ʻike o ke kūʻokoʻa; he manaʻo kūʻokoʻa, e hiki mai ka ikaika. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē, ʻimi ke kanaka i ka nānā a me ka hana ʻana iā ia iho e kaukaʻi i nā ʻōlelo a haʻi e pili ana iā ia.

Ma waho aʻe o ka makaʻala no kēia mau hiʻohiʻona o ka pēpē a me kā lākou kaohi koke ʻana, pono e hana i kahi ala maikaʻi, ʻo ia hoʻi, e lawelawe i ka lawelawe. ʻO kēia, ʻo ka mea mua, i nā ʻano āpau a i ʻole nā ​​hana, e nānā ke kanaka i kāna mau hana a me kāna mau kuleana. ʻO ka manaʻo ia e nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kahi nīnau maʻalahi: "He aha kaʻu e lawe ai i kēia (ʻo ia he hālāwai, lā hoʻomaha o ka ʻohana, hana a leʻaleʻa paha)?" ʻO ke keiki o loko, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē, hopohopo i ka nīnau, “He aha kaʻu e loaʻa ai? He aha ka pōmaikaʻi e loaʻa iaʻu mai ke kūlana; He aha ka mea a haʻi e hana ai iaʻu? He aha kaʻu e manaʻo ai iā lākou? " - a pēlā aku, i ka ʻuhane o ka noʻonoʻo ponoʻī. I mea e pale ai i kēia noʻonoʻo makua ʻole, pono i kekahi e hoʻāʻo e lawe i ka hopena i ka mea i ʻike ʻia ma ke ʻano he kōkua i ke kūlana e pili ana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Ma ka nānā ʻana i kēia, ma ka hoʻololi ʻana i kou noʻonoʻo iā ʻoe iho i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa hou aʻe ka ʻoluʻolu ma mua o ka maʻamau, no ka mea ʻo ke kanaka ponoʻī, ma kahi o ka lawe ʻana i ka leʻaleʻa kūlohelohe o ka hui ʻana me nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā ​​hoapili, pili pinepine ia i ka nīnau no ka waiwai o ia i kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka nīnau, he aha nā kuleana - nui a liʻiliʻi - manaʻo wau i mua oʻu? Pono e pane ʻia kēia nīnau e ke kaulike ʻana i nā kuleana me nā pahuhopu wā lōʻihi a me nā kūlana o kēlā me kēia lā. He aha kaʻu mau kuleana ma ka pili aloha, ka hana, ka nohona ʻohana, ma mua o kaʻu mau keiki, e pili ana i koʻu olakino, kino, hoʻomaha. He mea ʻole paha nā nīnau. Akā ke mālama ka kāne i ka moekolohe a ʻōhumu e pili ana i ka pilikia ʻeha, ke koho ʻana ma waena o ka ʻohana a me ka "hoaaloha", a haʻalele i kona ʻohana no kahi ipo, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole ia i manaʻo maoli i kāna kuleana. Akā, ua kāohi ʻo ia i nā manaʻo no lākou, e hoʻoluliluli iā lākou me ke aloha pilikino i kāna pilikia kūpilikiʻi.

I mea e kōkua ai i ke kanaka e ulu a psychologically, e hoʻōki i ke keiki ʻana, ʻo ia ka pahuhopu o nā lāʻau no nā neuroses. E hoʻokau iā ia i nā ʻōlelo maikaʻi ʻole, kōkua i ke kanaka e ola ʻaʻole nona iho, ʻaʻole no ka hanohano o kahi keiki pēpē a ʻaʻole no kāna leʻaleʻa ponoʻī. I kou neʻe ʻana ma kēia ala, e emi nā makemake pili kāne. Eia nō naʻe, no kēia, he mea koʻikoʻi ia i ka hoʻomaka e ʻike i kāu lawena a me kāna mau kumu e pili ana i ko lākou kūlana makua ʻole a me ko lākou ʻano ponoʻī. "Me he mea lā e mālama wale wau iaʻu iho," e ʻōlelo ana kahi homosexual ʻoiaʻiʻo, "akā he aha ke aloha, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu." ʻO ke kumu nui o nā pilina homosexual kahi pīpī pilikino: makemake i kahi hoaaloha nāu. "ʻO ia ke kumu e koi mau nei wau i ka pilina me kahi kaikamahine, a hiki i ka palena o ka hoʻomāinoino," i ʻōlelo ai ka wahine wahine, "Noʻu loa ia." Nui nā homosexuals e hoʻokahakaha i ka mahanahana a me ke aloha i kā lākou mau hoa, hāʻule i ka hoʻopunipuni ponoʻī, e hoʻomaka i ka manaʻo he maoli kēia mau manaʻo. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, aloha lākou i kahi manaʻo pilikino a hoʻāʻo i nā masks. Hōʻike pinepine ʻia e hiki ai iā lākou ke kolohe me kā lākou mau hoa a, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, nānā ʻole iā lākou. ʻOiai, ʻaʻole aloha iki kēia, akā hoʻopunipuni iā ​​ʻoe iho.

No laila, hoʻokahi mea i hōʻike lokomaikaʻi i kāna mau hoaaloha, e kūʻai ana iā lākou i nā makana kupaianaha, e kōkua ana iā lākou me ke kālā e pono ai, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole i hāʻawi i kekahi mea - ua kūʻai aku ʻo ia i ko lākou minamina. Ua ʻike kekahi i kāna hana mau ʻana me kona helehelena a ua hoʻolilo i kona uku a pau ma nā lole, nā mea lauoho a me nā colognes. Ua haʻahaʻa ʻo ia i ke kino a maikaʻi ʻole (kahi kūlohelohe), a i loko o kona puʻuwai minamina nona iho. ʻO kāna narcissism overcompensating ka manaʻo aloha pseudo-reparative. He mea maʻamau ia no ka ʻōpio e pīhoihoi i ko lākou lauoho; akā laila, i kona wā e makua ana, e ʻae ʻo ia i kona helehelena e like me ia, a ʻaʻole kēia he mea nui nui iā ia. No nā homosexuals he nui, ʻano ʻokoʻa ia: paʻa lākou i ka hilahila ponoʻī o ka pēpē e pili ana i ko lākou nani iho, nānā iā lākou iho no ka manawa lōʻihi i ke aniani a moemoeā paha e pili ana i ka hele ʻana i ke alanui a kamaʻilio paha me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO ka ʻakaʻaka iā ʻoe iho he lāʻau pale maikaʻi i kēia (e laʻa, "E ke keiki, maikaʻi ʻoe!")

Hiki i ka Narcissism ke lawe i nā ʻano he nui. ʻO ka wahine lesbi e hana exaggeratedly masculine e hana i ka leʻaleʻa infantile i ke pāʻani i kēia hana. ʻO ka like pū kekahi i ka hihia o ke kāne nāna e hoʻomōloʻaka i ke ʻano o ka wahine i loko ona, a i ʻole a hoʻowalewale, pāʻani ka keiki me ka "macho". Aia ma hope o kēia mau mea āpau. "Maikaʻi maoli koʻu kupaianaha!"

Inā hoʻoholo ke kanaka e hōʻike pono i ke aloha i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, i ka manawa mua hiki i kēia mea ke alakaʻi i ka hoka, no ka mea ʻo kāna "I" wale nō ka mea hoihoi, ʻaʻole ka "I" o haʻi. Hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i ke aloha ma o ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi hoihoi i kekahi kanaka: pehea kona ola? he aha kāna manaʻo? he aha ka mea maikaʻi iā ia? Mai kēia ʻike i loko e hānau ai nā ʻōpili liʻiliʻi a me nā hana; Hoʻomaka ke kanaka e ʻike i ke kuleana nui no haʻi. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki kēia i ke ala like me nā neurotics, ka mea i manaʻo pinepine ʻia he kuleana e amo i ke kuleana piha no nā ola o haʻi. ʻO ke kuleana no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i kēia ala kekahi ʻano o ka egocentrism: "He kanaka koʻikoʻi wau ma luna o lākou ka hopena o ka honua." Ulu ka manaʻo o ke aloha i ka ulu ʻana o ka hopohopo olakino no ka poʻe ʻē aʻe, kūkulu hou ʻia ka noʻonoʻo a hoʻohuli i ka nānā o ka nānā mai kekahi iā haʻi iho.

Hōʻike nā homosexual he nui i kekahi manawa a i ʻole kū mau i ka haʻaheo i kā lākou ʻano; ʻo ka hapanui kekahi i ko lākou mau manaʻo ("ʻoi aku wau ma mua ou"). Pono e hopu koke ʻia ia mau manaʻo a ʻokiʻoki, a hoʻomāʻewaʻewa ʻia paha. Koke ka "keiki o loko" bloated me ka nui diminishes, narcissistic māʻona, i ka pau, ka subconscious manaoio oe i kekahi 'ano o ka kūikawā, maikaʻi, maikaʻi loa, e hele. ʻO nā illusions o ka luna Nietzschean kahi hōʻailona o ke ʻano makua ʻole. He aha ka hoʻihoʻi? ʻAe maikaʻi ʻole ʻoe ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe, a me ka manawa kūpono e ʻakaʻaka ai iā ʻoe iho.

ʻO ka lili kekahi hōʻailona o ke oʻo ʻole. “Loaʻa iā ia kēia a me kēlā, akā ʻaʻole naʻu! ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke kū! Poor me ... ”ʻoi aku kona maikaʻi, ikaika, ʻōpio ke nānā aku, pīpī ke ola iā ia, ʻoi aku kona ʻano haʻuki, ʻoi aku ke kaulana, ʻoi aku kona mau mākau. ʻOi aku kona nani, piha i ka nani, ka wahine, ka lokomaikaʻi; ʻIke hou ʻo ia i nā kāne. Ke nānā ʻoe i kahi kanaka o ka like kāne me ʻoe, mahalo no ka pēpē pēpē a me ka makemake e hoʻopili me ia e hui pū me ka lili. ʻO ke ala i waho e hoʻopau i ka leo o ke "keiki": "Na ke Akua e hāʻawi iā ia e lilo i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi! A e hoʻāʻo wau e ʻoluʻolu iaʻu iho - ma ke kino a me ka noʻonoʻo, ʻo wau nō ke kāne hope ʻole a koʻikoʻi ʻole. " ʻO ka hyperdramatization a me ka hoʻomāʻewaʻewa o nā kāne a me nā ʻano wahine i manaʻo ʻia i ka wā e hiki mai ana e kōkua i ka hōʻemi ʻana i ka egocentrism i nā pilina me nā poʻe o ka kāne like.

Inā noʻonoʻo nui ka mea heluhelu e pili ana i nā pilikia o ke aloha a me ke oʻo pilikino, e maopopo iā ia: ʻo ka hakakā me ka moekolohe ka mea e hakakā ai no ke oʻo ʻana, a ʻo kēia kaua kūloko kekahi o nā ʻano like ʻole o ka paio a kekahi kanaka e uku ai e hoʻonui i kāna pēpē; aia wale nō i kēlā me kēia me nā wahi o ka ulu ʻana.

Ke hoʻololi nei i kou kuleana

Manaʻo ka mākua, i waena o nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻike ke kanaka i kahi kūlohelohe a kūpono hoʻi i kāna kahua hānau. Mālama pinepine nā homosexuals i ka makemake: "ʻĀ, inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i hiki ke ulu aʻe!" ʻO ka pono e hana e like me ke kāne makua a wahine paha e like me ka hōʻino iā lākou. ʻO nā hoʻopiʻi ʻōpio o ka hoʻoliʻiliʻi kāne he mea paʻakikī ia e noʻonoʻo ai iā lākou iho he mau mākua. Hoʻohui, loaʻa mau iā lākou nā manaʻo kūpono ʻole, hoʻonui ʻia e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke kāne a me ka wahine. Manaʻo lākou i ke kūʻokoʻa i ke kuleana o ke keiki: "kahi keiki momona, ʻoluʻolu, ʻoluʻolu", "keiki kōkua ʻole", "keikikāne e like me ke kaikamahine" - a i ʻole "kaikamahine tomboy", "kaikamahine wiwo ʻole e hele i ke ala", aiʻole "kahi kaikamahine palupalu, hoʻopoina". ʻAʻole lākou makemake e hōʻoia he wahaheʻe kēia ʻo "I", nā masks e pono ai lākou e hōʻoluʻolu, i mea e kū ai i ko lākou wahi i ke kaiāulu. I ka manawa like, hiki i kēia "theatre of masks" ke hāʻawi i kekahi - ʻaʻole āpau - ka leʻaleʻa narcissistic o ka manaʻo kaumaha a me ke ʻano kūikawā.

Hiki i kahi kāne kāne kāne ke nānā aku i ke kāne i kāna mau hoa, hoʻokiʻekiʻe ʻia i ke kūlana o kahi kiʻi kiʻi, a i ka manawa like, paradoxically, hiki i ke kanaka ponoʻī (a i ʻole kāna keiki ponoʻī) ke mālama i ke kāne me ka hoʻowahāwahā, me ka manaʻo iā ia iho "maʻalahi", ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka "rude "Kāne. I kekahi mau hihia, lilo ia "kamaʻilio a ke kaona." Hiki i nā Lesbians ke hoʻowahāwahā i ka wahine ma ke ʻano he helu lua, kahi e hoʻomanaʻo pono ai i ka moʻolelo o ka ʻalopeke a me nā hua waina. No laila, pono e hoʻopau i nā moemoeā wahaheʻe āpau e pili ana i kahi "ʻano kūikawā", "ʻē aʻe", "kahua kolu" - kēia "I" unmanly a unfeminine paha. Mālamalama kēia, no ka mea, ʻike ke kanaka ʻaʻohe ona ʻokoʻa mai nā kāne a me nā wahine maʻamau. Nalo ka halo o ke kiʻekiʻe, a ʻike ke kanaka ʻo kēia mau ʻōhumu pēpē āpau o ka haʻahaʻa.

ʻO ke kāne e ukali nei i kā mākou papa kuhikuhi hoʻōla ponoʻī e ʻike koke ana i kāna mask "non-man". Hiki i kēia kuleana ke hōʻike iā ia iho i nā mea liʻiliʻi, e like me ka hilinaʻi ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kū i ka ʻalekohola. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, he pale maka maka ʻole kēia na kahi "sissy" i loaʻa kahi ʻano "ʻano kolohe" e kū ʻole i ke alo ". "Auē, maʻi wau ma hope o hoʻokahi aniani o ka cognac" - kahi huaʻōlelo maʻamau no ka moekolohe. Hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia iā ia iho i kēia, a laila, ʻoiaʻiʻo, huhū ʻo ia, e like me ke keiki e manaʻo nei ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kū i kahi meaʻai, akā i ka manawa like ʻaʻohe ona maʻi āpau. E hemo i kēlā pale maka o ka noʻonoʻo a hoʻāʻo e ʻoluʻolu i kahi sip maikaʻi (ʻoiaʻiʻo, inā lawa ʻoe e inu a ʻona ʻole - no ka mea aia wale nō i kou kūʻokoʻa maoli ke koho). "No nā kāne wale nō nā mea inu ʻona," wahi a ke "keiki o loko" o ka homosexual. "Nani," "nani," a i ʻole nā ​​kikoʻī narcissistic i nā lole e hōʻike ana i ka kūlike ʻole o ke kāne a i ʻole "sensitive" pono e hemo ʻia i ke ala like. Nā pālule wahine, nā apo uila a me nā mea hoʻonaninani ʻē aʻe, nā colognes, nā lauoho unisex, a me ke ʻano o ka kamaʻilio ʻana a nā wahine, ke kani ʻana o ka manamana, nā manamana lima a me nā lima, ka neʻe ʻana a me ka hele ʻana - ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻopau ai ke kāne. He mea kūpono e hoʻolohe i kou leo ​​ponoʻī ma ka lipine i mea e ʻike ai i kahi ʻano kūlohelohe ʻole, ʻoiai me he mea lā e haʻi ana: "ʻAʻole wau he kāne" (ʻo kahi laʻana, ʻōlelo lohi me kahi cuteness, kūmākena, kani kani, hiki ke hoʻonāukiuki i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a ʻo ia nō ʻano o nā kāne kāne kāne he nui wale. Ma hope o ke aʻo ʻana a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kou leo, e hoʻāʻo e ʻōlelo i kahi mālie, "sober", maopopo a me ke kani kūlohelohe, a ʻike i ka ʻokoʻa (e hoʻohana i kahi mea hoʻopaʻa leo). E hoʻolohe pū i ka kūʻē kūloko i manaʻo ʻia i ka wā o ka hana.

ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi no ka wahine e lanakila i ko lākou makemake e komo i nā kapa nani a me nā lole wahine maʻamau. E hoʻohana i nā mea hoʻonani, kū i ka nānā ʻana e like me ka ʻōpio, a hoʻomākaukau e hakakā me ka manaʻo "ʻaʻole naʻu ka wahine" e kupu mai ana. E hōʻoki i ka pāʻani ʻana i ke kanaka paʻakikī i ka ʻōlelo pehea ʻoe e kamaʻilio ai (hoʻolohe iā ʻoe iho ma ka lipine), nā ʻōuli a me nā hele.

Pono ʻoe e hoʻololi i ka maʻa o ka hoʻopulapula ʻana iā ʻoe iho i nā mea liʻiliʻi. ʻO kahi laʻana, lawe mau kekahi homosexual iā ia i nā pāpaʻi e kipa aku ai, no ka mea "ʻoluʻolu loa lākou iā lākou" (he kūpono ʻole ia e ʻōlelo ai, akā he laʻana akāka kēia o ke ʻano o ka huli ʻana o ke kāne i "ʻōlelo hoʻomākeʻaka" mai kahi hoʻomākeʻaka). Pono kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe i kahi mea hoʻowalewale mai ka hana leʻaleʻa āpau o ke kālai ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana i nā ʻūlū. E hana ai i kēia, pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ka leʻaleʻa i loaʻa mai ia ʻano leʻaleʻa ka leʻaleʻa o kahi keiki, kahi keikikāne me ke ʻano akahai, ʻoiai, he hapalua "kaikamahine". Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i kēia mau kuko he ʻāpana ia o kahi paʻakikī kāne kāne haʻahaʻa, akā ke kaumaha nei ʻoe no ka haʻalele ʻana iā lākou. Akā e hoʻohālikelike i kēlā i ke kūlana ke ʻike ke keikikāne ua hala ka manawa e hiamoe ai me kāna bear teddy bear punahele. E nānā i nā hana ʻē aʻe a me nā hana leʻaleʻa e pili nui i ka moekolohe a i kāu mau pono. Ua minoʻaka paha ke kumu hoʻohālike teddy bear iā ʻoe; akā, eia nō naʻe, he ʻoiaʻiʻo ia: mahalo nui nā homosexuals he nui i kā lākou keiki a kūʻē kūloko i ka ulu.

I kēia manawa ua hōʻike mai ka wahine wahine i ke kumu o kona hōʻole ʻia i ke ʻano wahine, pono ʻo ia, e laʻa me ka hoʻonāukiuki ʻana i ka kuke ʻana, mālama i kāna mau malihini kipa a i ʻole hoʻolaʻa iā ia iho i nā mea liʻiliʻi ʻē aʻe "nui ʻole" o ka home, e akahai a mālama i nā keiki liʻiliʻi. ʻo nā pēpē hoʻi. (Kūlike ʻole i ka manaʻo nui e pili ana i ka naʻau makuahine o ka lesbians, pinepine kaohi ʻia ko lākou mau manaʻo makuahine, a mālama lākou i nā keiki e like me nā alakaʻi paionia ma mua o nā makuahine.) ʻO ka hoʻokomo ʻana i ka "kuleana" wahine kahi lanakila ma luna o ka pēpē pēpē, a i ka manawa like e hōʻike ana i ka naʻau e hoʻomaka i ka ʻike o ka wahine.

Nui nā kāne homose wahine e hoʻōki i ka poʻe felons a hana i ko lākou mau lima: lāʻau wī, pena i kahi hale, hana me ka pala, kahi hāmū. Pono e pale i ka pale ʻana e hoʻoikaika i ka hoʻoikaika kino. No ka haʻuki, he pono nō, kahi i hāʻawi ʻia ai ka manawa kūpono, ke komo pū ʻana i nā pāʻani hoʻokūkū (kime, volleyball, ...) a hāʻawi i kāu mea maikaʻi loa, ʻoi aku ʻoe i ka mamao o ka "hōkū" ma ke kahua. E hoʻomaha a kaua aku, ʻaʻole e hoʻolaʻa iā ʻoe iho! Nui ka manaʻo he nui; ka ʻoihana hakakā ʻo ia ka lanakila ʻana o ke "kanaka ilihune" a kōkua iā ʻoe e like me ke kanaka maoli. ʻO ke "keiki kūloko" kahi wahine pelekane i pale aku, hōʻole, a haʻalele i nā hana maʻamau mai ka moekolohe. Eia naʻe, makemake au e hōʻoia e pili ana i ka loiloi o ka hana ʻana i ka hana kūlohelohe o ka wahine like ʻole e kūlike me ka "therapy pono". He mea nui maanei e hoʻohana maluhia i ka makemake e hakakā kūloko i kēia mau kuleana, ʻaʻole ia e mākaukau e like me ka moʻo.

I ka manawa like, ma nā hana maʻamau i kēlā me kēia lā o ka "kamaʻilio" me kahi manculinity a ʻano kāne paha kekahi, ʻaʻohe pono e hala i ka naʻaupō. Hoʻomaopopo i kekahi mau ho'āʻo ʻana e hoʻomohala i ka masculinity demonstrative (lauoho, ʻumiʻumi, ka ʻumiʻumi, ke koʻikoʻi i ka lole o nā kāne, ʻo ka mākeke ulu) ua kumu ʻia e ka egocentrism a me ka hoʻouluulu ʻana, a hānai wale i ka homosexual complex. Hiki i nā mea āpau ke helu i kahi o nā pono a me nā mea e pono ai ʻo ia e hoʻolohe.

He ʻano kamaliʻi kā nā kāne kāne a me ka wahine i ka ʻeha, ʻo kahi laʻana, "ʻaʻole hiki ke kū" a me nā mea liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi. Maanei mākou e hoʻopā ai i ke kumuhana o ka wiwo ʻole, i pili i ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho. Makaʻu loa ke "keiki o loko" i ka hakakā kino a me nā ʻano paio ʻē aʻe, a no laila ke ʻano kū ʻole o kāna huhū, hūnā ʻia, hiki iā ia ke hoʻokomo i nā mea hoʻopunipuni a me nā wahaheʻe. No ka ʻike pono ʻana iho me kahi kāne kāne, pono e lanakila i ka makaʻu i ka kūʻē, waha a, inā pono, kino. Pono e ʻōlelo ʻoiaʻiʻo a pololei hoʻi, e pale iā ʻoe iho inā koi ʻia ia mau kūlana, a mai makaʻu i ka huhū a me ka hoʻomāʻewaʻewa mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Eia kekahi, pono e pale i ka mana inā kūlike kēia mana i ke kūlana, a ʻaʻole e nānā ʻole i nā "hoʻouka" koʻikoʻi o nā poʻe lawelawe a i ʻole nā ​​hoapili. I ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e loaʻa ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho, piʻi kekahi kanaka ma luna o ke "keiki ʻilihuna" a loaʻa nā manawa kūpono he nui e hyperdramatize i nā manaʻo o ka makaʻu a me ka manaʻo e like me ka maikaʻi ʻole. Maikaʻi ke kūpaʻa i kēlā mau hanana kahi e hōʻoia ai ka noʻonoʻo ua kūpono ia, ʻoiai he pono. Eia nō naʻe, hiki i ka paʻakikī ke ʻano kamaliʻi inā hoʻohana ʻia e hōʻike i ka paʻakikī a koʻikoʻi paha. ʻO ka hana maʻamau a ke kanaka hilinaʻi he mālie mau, ʻaʻole hōʻike, a alakaʻi i nā hopena.

Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, nui nā wahine wahine e pōmaikaʻi nui mai kahi hana iki i ka waiho ʻana, a i ʻole - ʻaʻole huli ka alelo e ʻōlelo. - i ka waiho ʻana - ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi! - malalo o ka mana o nā kāne. I ka manaʻo o ka "submissiveness" a me ka "palupalu" o ka wahine, e pale aku ka wahine wahine wahine i ka hana a ke kāne koʻikoʻi a kūʻokoʻa hoʻi e kāna hana ponoʻī. ʻImi nā wahine i ke kākoʻo o ke kāne, ʻimi e hāʻawi iā lākou iho iā ia, e mālama iā ia; hōʻike ʻia kēia, ke ʻano, i ka makemake e waiho i kāna kāne kāne. I loko nō o ka manaʻo nui ʻole o ka "kaikamahine" i huhū ʻia, i kēlā me kēia wahine wahine moe wale kahi wahine maʻamau e like me ka nani hiamoe, mākaukau e ala aʻe.

ʻO nā manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa e hoʻonāukiuki pinepine i ka "keikikāne kāne ʻole" a me ke "kaikamahine ʻole" i ko lākou mau kino. E hoʻāʻo e ʻae piha a mahalo i ke kāne a wahine paha "i hōʻike ʻia" i kou kino. ʻO kahi laʻana, wehe kapa ʻole, e nānā iā ʻoe iho i ke aniani, a hoʻoholo e hauʻoli ʻoe i kou kino a me kāna ʻano wahine. No pono e feverishly hoʻololi i kekahi mea me makeup a me ka lole; pono ʻoe e mālama i kāu kumukānāwai maoli. He mau umauma liʻiliʻi paha ko ka wahine, kahi ʻiʻo muscular a wīwī paha, a pēlā aku. Pono ʻoe e lawe i kēia no ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana, hoʻomaikaʻi i kou helehelena i loko o nā palena kūpono, a hoʻōki i ka namunamu e pili ana i nā mea hiki ʻole ke hoʻoponopono ʻia. ... Pono e māʻona ke kāne me kāna kumukānāwai, penis, nā mākala, nā lau nahele ma ke kino, a me nā mea like ʻole. ʻAʻole pono e namunamu e pili ana i kēia hiʻohiʻona a e moemoeā e pili ana i kekahi ʻano kino "maikaʻi" ʻē aʻe. He mea maopopo leʻa wale kēia hoʻopiʻi me ka hoʻopiʻi o ka pēpē "I".

10. Ka pilina me kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe

Ke hoʻololi nei i kāu loiloi o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a me ke kūkulu ʻana i nā pilina me lākou.

Mālama ka neurotic homosexual i kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe ma ke ʻano he "keiki." ʻAʻole hiki ke hiki - akā, hiki ʻole loa - e hoʻololi i ka moekolohe me ka ʻole o ka hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi ʻike makua o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a me nā pilina makua me lākou.

Nā poʻe o kā lākou ʻano

Pono nā homosexual e hoʻomaopopo i ka manaʻo o kā lākou iho haʻahaʻa e pili ana i ka poʻe o ka wahine like, a me ka manaʻo hilahila ke kamaʻilio pū me lākou, i hoʻokumu ʻia e ka manaʻo o kā lākou "marginality", "alienation". E hakakā i kēia mau manaʻo e ka hyperdramatizing i ke "keiki ʻilihuna, hauʻoli ʻole." Eia kekahi, e hoʻoikaika i kāu mau pilina, ma mua o ka aloof a passive. Komo i nā kamaʻilio maʻamau a me nā hana, a hoʻoikaika i ka ikaika e kūkulu i nā pilina. E hōʻike paha kāu mau hoʻāʻo i kahi ʻano huna loa o ka pāʻani ʻana i ke kūlana o ka mea ʻē, a, malia paha, ka makemake ʻole e hoʻomaʻamaʻa maʻamau i waena o nā lunamakaʻāinana o kāu kāne, kahi manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, kā lākou hōʻole a manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole paha iā lākou. He ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ke hoʻāʻo no ka hoʻoponopono maikaʻi ʻana i waena o nā lālā o ka moʻa like ma muli o ka makemake o kahi keiki e hōʻoluʻolu iā lākou. ʻO ka mea mua, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka lilo ʻana i hoaaloha iā haʻi iho, a mai ʻimi i nā hoaaloha. ʻO kēia ka neʻe ʻana mai ka ʻimi ʻana o kahi keiki no ka pale ʻana i ke kuleana no haʻi. Mai ka palaka e pono ʻoe e hele i ka hoihoi, mai ka huhū o ke keiki, ka makaʻu a me ka hilinaʻi ʻole - i ke aloha a me ka hilinaʻi, mai ka "pili" a me ka hilinaʻi - i ke kūʻokoʻa olakino olakino. No nā kāne kāne kāne, he mea pinepine kēia e hoʻokahuli i ka makaʻu o ka hakakā, ka hoʻohewa a me ka huhū, no nā wahine wahine - ke ʻae nei i ka hana a ka wahine a i ʻole nā ​​kuleana makuahine, a me ka hōʻalo ʻana i ka hoʻowahāwahā i kēlā mau mea. E hōʻole pinepine nā kāne i kā lākou hoʻokō ponoʻī a me ka lawelawe ʻana, a haʻalele nā ​​wahine i ka noho aliʻi, a me ka noho lawehala.

Pono e hoʻokaʻawale i waena o nā kamaʻilio kanaka a me ke ʻano me nā luna o kā lākou kāne. Pane ke kanaka i ka male i ka male he "maleʻoluʻolu", ma waena o kā lākou mau hoa e heterosexual, ʻoiai inā he mau makahiki, he mea paʻakikī iā lākou ke hoʻololi i nā pūʻulu o nā keiki o kā lākou ʻano. I ia mau ʻano, e ʻike pinepine ai lākou i kahi paʻakikī haʻahaʻa. Pono ke kaʻe o ka haʻalele ʻana i ka hui a hoʻomaka e hana ʻano maʻamau, kūlohelohe ʻole, me ka hana ʻole ʻana i nā hana maʻa ʻole, me ka pale ʻole i ka hoʻowahāwahā a hōʻole ʻia paha e ka hui, ʻoiai e hoʻomau ana i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ma ke ʻano he lālā o ka hui.

ʻO ka hoaaloha

ʻO ka launa aloha maʻamau kahi kumu o ka hauʻoli. I loko o kahi pilina aloha, ola kēlā me kēia kanaka i kona ola ponoʻī, kūʻokoʻa, a i ka manawa like ʻaʻohe hilinaʻi pili o kahi "keiki kūloko" mehameha, ʻaʻohe koi ponoʻī no ka nānā. ʻO ke kūkulu ʻana i ka launa aloha ʻana me kekahi kanaka me ka ʻole o ka hoihoi ponoʻī a me ka ʻole o ka ʻiʻini e "loaʻa i kekahi mea i ka hoʻihoʻi" e kōkua i ke kaʻina o ke oʻo ʻana o ka naʻau. Eia hou, ʻo ka hauʻoli o ka launa aloha ʻana me ka poʻe o ka like kāne hiki ke kōkua i ka ulu ʻana o ka ʻike kāne kāne, kōkua ia e pale me nā manaʻo o ka mehameha e alakaʻi pinepine ai i ka hopena maʻamau o nā moemoeā wahine.

Eia nō naʻe, hiki i nā pili aloha me nā lālā o kahi wahine kekahi ke kū i ka hakakā kūloko. Ke hoʻi hou nei kahi kāne i ka homosexual i ka hoʻolālāʻana o kahi kamaliʻi kāne, a ʻike ikaika paha nā makemake erotic. He aha lā? Ma keʻano maʻamau, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka haʻalele ʻana i kahi hoaaloha. ʻO ka mea mua, e hoʻopaʻa i ka māhele infantile o kou mau manaʻo a me kāu ʻano e pili ana iā ia a ho'āʻo e hoʻololi iā lākou. No ka laʻana, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaha a hoʻololi i kekahi ʻano o ke ʻano, inā, ʻo ka ʻano o ka huki ʻana iā ia, ka makemake no kona pale a mālama paha.

Mai ʻae i kahi ʻano hoʻoluʻolu na kahi keiki iā ʻoe iho. Kuʻi i nā kiʻi i loko o ke aupuni erotic. (Hiki iā ʻoe, no ka laʻana, hoʻohālikelike iā lākou.) E hana i ka manaʻo paʻa ʻaʻole e kumakaia i kāu hoaaloha, e hoʻohana ana iā ia i kāu ʻano moe me ke ʻano he ʻano pāʻani, inā he hanana wale nō "i kāu noʻonoʻo. Mālama i kēia kūlana paʻakikī e like me ka paʻakikī, ma kahi manawa kūpono no ka ulu. E nānā pono i ke ʻano kino o kāu hoa a me nā ʻano pilikino, i loko o nā kikoʻī maoli: "ʻAʻole ʻoi aku ʻo ia ma mua o koʻu, ua kēlā me kēia mea i kāna mau ʻano kūpono a maikaʻi ʻole." A inā nani wale ʻoe i kāu pēpē e pili ana iā ia e lanakila ma luna o ʻoe, e hōʻemi i ka nui o kāu kamaʻilio ʻana no kekahi manawa. E hoʻāʻo e pale i ka pili kokoke i ke kino (akā naʻe mai ka panatical i ka manawa like!): No ka laʻana, mai hiamoe i ka lumi like. A, ʻo ka mea hope loa, ʻo ia ka mea nui: mai hoʻāʻo iā ʻoe e kiʻi i kona aloha iā ʻoe, e hakakā i kekahi ʻano kime ma kēia kuhikuhi, no ka mea hiki i kēia ke hāpai i ke kau hou ʻana i ke ʻano o ka pēpē. Pono ʻoe e noʻonoʻo i nā loli i ka hana a ʻike i nā ʻano like ʻole i ka pilina o interpersonal i ka wā pono e pono ai ʻoe i ka hoʻolako ʻana i nā pēpē pēpē a hoʻololi iā lākou i nā mea ʻē aʻe.

ʻO nāʻelemakule

Hiki i nā kāne kāne ke mālama aku i nā kāne i ʻoi aku o ka makua ma mua o ko lākou makuakāne: he mau makaʻu i ko lākou mana, e ʻae loa i ka pilina me lākou, e hoʻāʻo e leʻaleʻa iā lākou, a e kipi aku hoʻi. I ia mau hihia, e like me ka maʻamau, e hoʻomaopopo i kēia mau hiʻohiʻona e hoʻāʻo e hoʻohuli iā lākou me nā mea hou. E akaaka (no ka laʻana, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana hoʻohālikelike i kāu "keiki liʻiliʻi") a loaʻa ka wiwo ʻole e hana i kahi hoʻololi. Pēlā nō, hiki i nā kāne pelekane ke mālama i nā wahine ʻoi aku ka "makuahine" a "ʻūlū wahine". Aia hoʻomaka kāna keiki i loko o ke ʻano o ke "keikikāne", ke keiki hilinaʻi, ke keiki kamaliʻi, a i ʻole he "weliweli nui ʻole" ka mea, ʻaʻole hoʻi ke kūʻē kūʻē i nā makemake o kona makuahine, akā, i kēlā me kēia manawa e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ke kuleana ʻoluʻolu ma luna ona. e hoʻonāukiuki iā ia. ʻO ke keiki "popo keiki" hauʻoli loa i ka lokomaikaʻi o kona makuahine, kona pale a me kona aloha i kāna mau ʻāpana āpau. Hiki i ke ʻano like ʻole i nā wahine ʻē aʻe. Hiki i nā kāne kāne i ʻole ka mare ʻana e manaʻo i kēlā ʻano wahine mai kā lākou mau wahine, e mau ana nā "keikikāne" e pono ai ka palupalu, pale, hoʻomalu a kākoʻo ʻana paha i ke ʻano o ka makuahine, ʻoiai e hoʻomau ana iā ia no kāna "aupuni". ", ʻOle a noʻonoʻo paha.

Hiki i nā wahine i ka male i ka male ke mālama i nā kāne makua kāne e like me ko lākou makuakāne, a hoʻomāliʻi iā ia i nā hiʻohiʻona keiki hānai o ko lākou pilina me ko lākou makuakāne. ʻIke iā lākou ʻaʻole makemake nā kāne iā lākou, a i ʻole a hoʻokūkū a makaʻu ʻole ʻia nā kāne. ʻO kekahi manawa he mau kāne kāne like ʻole nā ​​kāne, ʻo "nā hoaaloha," i kā lāua mau kāne. Hoʻololi ʻia nā ʻano o nā keiki i ka hōʻole ʻole ʻana, ka mahalo ʻole ʻole a kamaʻāina paha mai ke ʻano o ka makua kāne i nā kāne ʻē aʻe. No kekahi mau wahine, ʻo ke ʻano "masculine" i hoʻopaʻa ʻia iā ʻoe iho e manaʻo ai e hoʻokō i nā manaʻolana a ko lākou makuakāne. ʻOi aku paha ka makua kāne i ke kaikamahine a i ke kuleana o ke kanaka “kūleʻa i ka maikaʻi,” no ka mahalo ʻana iā ia ʻaʻole nui no kāna mau ʻano wahine. a i ʻole i kona wā ʻōpio, ua hoʻoikaika ʻo kona makuakāne i nā hana o kona mau hoahānau, a hoʻomaka ʻia ke kaikamahine e hoʻokūkū i ka noho ʻana o nā kaikunāne.

Mākua

Hoʻopake ʻo "Intra-keiki" i kāna kūkulu ʻana ma ka pae o ka mau manaʻo kamaliʻi, nā manaʻo a me nā ʻano, inā paha ua make nā mākua. Hoʻomau mau aku ke kāne kāne i kona makua kāne i kona makua kāne, e paʻa ʻole ka mea ʻole iā ia a hōʻole iā ia, akā i ka manawa like e ʻimi iā ia. Hiki i kāna ʻano i kona makua ke hōʻike ʻia e nā huaʻōlelo: "ʻAʻole wau makemake i mea like ʻole me ʻoe", a i ʻole: "ʻaʻole au e hahai i kāna mau ʻōlelo aʻo, inā ʻoe e hana ʻole mai iaʻu me ka mahalo. Hiki i ke kāne ke noho mau i ka punahele a kona makuahine, ke hōʻole i ka wā makua e pili ana iā ia a me kona makuakāne. ʻElua mau ala e hoʻonā i kēia pilikia. ʻO ka mea mua, e ʻae i kou makua kāne e like me ka lanakila ʻana i kou antipathy iā ia a makemake e hoʻopaʻi iā ia. Ma ke keke ʻana, hōʻike i kekahi mau hōʻailona e nānā aku ai iā ia a hōʻike i ka makemake i kona ola. ʻO ka lua, hōʻole i ka wawa o ka makuahine i kou ola a mai kona infantilization o ʻoe. Pono ʻoe e hana mālie, akā hoʻomau. Mai ʻae ʻoe e hoʻohiʻalohi iā ʻoe me ka manaʻo nui a i ka hopohopo nui paha (inā i loaʻa kēia i kou kūlana). Mai hoʻopili pinepine iā ia no ka ʻōlelo aʻo a mai ʻae iā ia e hoʻoponopono i nā pilikia i hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻonā. ʻO kāu pahuhopu ʻelua ʻelua: e haki i ka pilina maikaʻi ʻole a kou makuakāne, a "maikaʻi" kekahi me kou makuahine. E lilo i keiki kūʻokoʻa, hānai i nā mākua i mālama maikaʻi iā lākou. ʻO ka hope, e alakaʻi kēia i kahi aloha hohonu no kou makuakāne, a e manaʻo ʻoe i kou pili nona, a, hiki paha, he wahiʻoi aku ka nui o ka pilina me kou makuahine, ka mea e hoʻohui pū i kēia pilina, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻoi aku ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO kekahi manawa pale ka makuahine i ka kūkulu ʻana i nā pilina hou a hoʻāʻo e hana hou i kāna hoʻopili ʻana i kona wā kamaliʻi. Eia nō naʻe, ma nā loiloi hope loa, ke haʻahaʻa loa, a ʻo ka pilina i lilo i mea ʻilihune a me nā mea kūlohelohe. Mai makaʻu i ka nalowale i kou makuahine a mai makaʻu i ka pīhoihoi hoʻonā ma kāna mahele (ʻo ia e hana ana i kekahi mau hihia). Pono ʻoe e "alakaʻi" i ka makuahine i kēia mau pilina (ke noho nei ʻo kāna keiki aloha) a ʻaʻole ʻoe e haʻalele iā ia.

ʻO nā wahine i makemake ʻia i ka wahine ʻoi aku ka maʻi ma muli o ka pale ʻana i ko lākou makuahine a hoʻololi i ko lākou leʻaleʻa a ma ke ʻano paha. Eia kekahi ala maikaʻi e hōʻike ʻia ai nā hōʻailona o ka nānā e hana maʻamau i kahi kaikamahine e makemake nui i kona makuahine. A ʻoi aku ma luna o nā mea āpau, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻokau iā ia, me nā hiʻohiʻona paʻakikī a maikaʻi ʻole paha, me ka hoʻāʻo ʻole ʻana iā lākou. I ka "keiki kūloko," kāua, he mea maʻamau ke hōʻole i nā mea a pau mai ka makua nāna e aloha ai. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokaʻawale iā ʻoe iho mai ka mea ʻaʻole hiki i ka makua ke hoʻololi ʻia, ʻoiai ʻaʻole kēia e hoʻokaʻawale i kahi kanaka makua e aloha a ʻae i kēia makua, e hoʻomaopopo iā ia iho ʻo kāna keiki. Ma hope iho, ʻo ʻoe nō ke ʻiʻo o kona ʻiʻo, ʻo ʻoe ka inoa o nā hiʻohiʻona o kou mau mākua. ʻO kahi manaʻo pili i nā mākua ʻelua he hōʻailona ia o ke ʻano pilikino. Pono nā wahine moe wahine hemo e wehe i ko lākou pilina me ko lākou makuakāne. Pono kēia mau wahine e aʻo ʻole e hāʻawi i ka makemake o ko lākou makuakāne e mālama iā ia e like me kā lākou kāne male a ʻaʻole hoʻi e hakakā nā hoʻokō āna e manaʻo ai mai kāna aku. Pono ʻo ia e hoʻoʻo i ka hōʻike i kau ʻia ma luna me kona makuakāne, e pili ana i ke kumu ʻāpono "makemake wau e lilo i wahine ʻo wau a ʻo kāu kaikamahine, ʻaʻole ke keiki hoʻoholo." ʻO kahi "kaha" ikaika i ke kūkulu ʻana i ka pilina pili mau me nā mākua. Hoʻolaha pinepine ʻole mākou e kala i nā manawa a pau loa.

Eia nō naʻe, i kekahi kūlana, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻoholo e kala koke i kahi, no ka laʻana, inā hoʻomanaʻo mākou i kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona o kā mākou mau mākua a i ʻole ʻano o lākou. I kekahi manawa ke hele pū nei ka kala me ka hakakā kūloko, akā ʻo ka mea maʻamau ke hāʻawi aku i ka hōʻoluʻolu, hoʻopiha i nā pilina me nā mākua a me ke aloha, a wehe i nā poloka o ke kamaʻilio. Ma kahi ʻano, hiki i ke kala ke hoʻopau i ka "whimpering" a me nā hoʻopiʻi e pili ana i kekahi o nā mākua. Eia nō naʻe, aia kekahi ʻaoʻao kūpono e kala ʻia, no ia mea ʻoi aku ka hohonu. Loaʻa pū kekahi me ka pau ʻana o ka hana hōʻano hou. Eia kekahi, ʻo ka kala ʻana i ke ʻano ʻaʻole e hoʻololi wale i ke ʻano, akā he ʻoiaʻiʻo loa, pono e kau i kekahi mau hana a me nā hana.

Eia naʻe ʻaʻole ia he kala wale nō. Inā ʻoe e nānā i kāu ʻano pēpē i mua o nā mākua, e ʻike ʻoe ʻo ʻoe iho ke kumu o ka hewa maikaʻi ʻole iā ʻoe, a nele hoʻi ʻoe i ke aloha no lākou. Ke hoʻololi nei i nā pilina, pono paha iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio wehe i kāu mau pilikia i mea e kala aku ai iā lākou a noi iā lākou e kala.

Hoʻonohonoho ka pilina me nā lālā o ka wahine ʻē; male ʻia

ʻO kēia ka hopena hope loa i ka hoʻololi ʻana i kou ola - mai nā manaʻo a me ka lawena o kahi "keikikāne unmanly" a i ʻole "kaikamahine ʻole" i nā manaʻo a me nā ʻano o ke kāne maʻamau a wahine maʻamau paha. Pono ke kāne e haʻalele i ka manaʻo i nā wahine o kāna mau makahiki e pale aku, pale, a mālama iā ia e like me ke keiki, a hele i waho o ke kuleana o ke kaikaina naive o kona mau kaikuahine, ka mea i koi ʻole ʻia i ke kāne a me ke alakaʻi kāne. Pono ʻo ia e lanakila i kona makaʻu i nā wahine, ka makaʻu i ke "keiki ʻilihune" i hiki ʻole ke komo i ke kūlana kāne. ʻO ke kāne ke ʻano o ke kuleana a alakaʻi no ka wahine. ʻO kēia ka ʻae ʻole i ka makuahine-wahine e hoʻomalu, akā, inā pono, e alakaʻi a hoʻoholo i nā hoʻoholo pū. ʻAʻole ia he mea maʻamau ka male ʻana o ke kāne i kāna kāne male mai kāna wahine, ʻoiai he mea maʻamau ka na ke kāne e lanakila i ka wahine. ʻO ka maʻamau makemake ka wahine e makemake ʻia a naʻi ʻia e kāna ipo.

ʻO ka wahine me kahi pālahalaha wahine e hoʻokūkū i ka hōʻole ʻana o ke keiki wahine i ka hana ʻāpono iā ia a ʻae me koʻu naʻau a pau i ke alakaʻi koʻikoʻi i ke kāne. Manaʻo nā Feminist i kēia manaʻo he hewa, akā ʻo ka ʻatikala e hoʻohālikelike ai i nā kuleana o ke kāne he mea kūʻokoʻa ʻole kēia e manaʻo nui ʻia nā hanauna e hiki mai ana. He pono ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o nā kuleana ma waena o ka kāne a me ka wahine, a ʻo ka poʻe e hakakā nei me ko lākou makemake e hoʻi i kā lākou moe kolohe e hoʻi i kēia mau kuleana.

Hele mai nā manaʻo Heterosexual wale nō inā hoʻihoʻi ʻia ka sensation o kahi lāʻau manculinity a pilikino paha. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole kekahi e "hoʻomaʻamaʻa" i ka heterosexuality, no ka mea e hiki ke hoʻonui i ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa iā ʻoe iho: "Pono wau e hōʻoia i kaʻu male (male wahine)." E hoʻāʻo e komo i loko o kahi pilina mua aku me kahi ʻelele o ka wahine ʻē, inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ke aloha a mai manaʻo i kahi ʻano hoʻowalewale i kēia kanaka. Eia nō naʻe, no ka huki ʻana o kahi kanaka i ka male i kahi male, kekahi mau manawa (ʻoiai ʻole mau) ka hana maoli hiki ke hoʻopaʻa ʻia i kekahi mau makahiki. Ma ka laulā, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kali ʻana ma mua o ka komo ʻana i ka mare mua. ʻAʻole ke kumu nui i ka male ka hakakā no ka moekolohe maʻamau, a ʻaʻole pono e neʻe ʻia nā hanana ma ʻaneʻi.

No nā mea kākoʻo he nui o ka male, ua hoʻolāwili ʻia ka mare ʻana i nā manaʻo like ʻole o ka inaina a me ka huāhuā, a e huhū nui loa kēlā poʻe i kēia manawa ke lohe nei lākou e mare ana kekahi o kā lākou mau hoa heterosexual. Manaʻo lākou e like me nā mea o waho mai ma ke ʻano he mau haʻahaʻa ma ko lākou mau hoaaloha. A ʻoiai he "keiki" a "ʻōpio," he mea paʻakikī loa iā lākou ke hoʻomaopopo i ka pilina ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine. Eia naʻe, hoʻoneʻeneʻe ka neʻe ʻana i kā lākou neurosis, hoʻomaka ka poʻe me nā manaʻo homose kāne i ʻike i ka dinamics o ka pilina ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine a loaʻa i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e hiki iā lākou ke lilo i hapa o kēia ao makua o ka kāne a me ka wahine.

I ka hopena, makemake wau e ʻōlelo: mai hoʻohana i nā mea'ē aʻe i mea e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ai iā ia iho i ka moʻomeheu heterosexual hou. Inā makemake ʻoe e ola i ka moʻomeheu pono no ka hoʻomau i ka pono (hoʻomohala ʻana) i ka heterosexuality, aia nō ka pilikia maoli e hāʻule hou i ka infantilism. Mai komo i loko o kahi pilina pili loa a hiki i ka maopopo e pili ana kēia i ke aloha like, me ke aloha erotic, akā ʻaʻole i kaupalena ʻia; a me kēlā aloha kahi i hoʻoholo ai lāua e hilinaʻi i kēlā me kēia. A ʻo kēia ke koho ʻoe e koho i ka mea ʻē aʻe no kāu iho, akā no kona pono ponoʻī.

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