Mokuna 9 mai ka puke a Joseph lāua ʻo Linda NicholasHana i ka homosexuality: he alakaʻi no nā mākua"." Kūpono ʻia me ka ʻae o ka mea hoʻopuka.

E na makua, e hopu i kau mau keiki; 
Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe,
a laila e hana mai kekahi kanaka iā ia.
ʻO Kauka Bird, psychologist

"Inā ua aʻo wau i kekahi mea ma mua o ka makuakāne," wahi a ka hui, a mākou e kapa ʻia ai ʻo Gordon, "ʻokoʻa ʻē kā nā keiki a pau." Ua moe ʻo ia i kahi noho ma koʻu keʻena, a ʻo ka maka kaumaha hoʻi i heluhelu ʻia i loko o kona maka.

ʻO ka mea noiʻi kālā hoʻokō waiwai, ʻo Gordon ka makua kāne o ʻehā mau keiki kāne. "I ka wā a māua me Gloria i mare ai, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke kali, inā loaʻa iā mākou kahi ʻohana nui loa," wahi a ka ʻohana, "he ʻohana maikaʻi ʻole koʻu makuakāne, no laila makemake wau i kahi mahanahana ʻohana."

Ua hānau ʻia nā pāʻālua ʻekolu o nā keikikāne ʻekolu, e hoʻomaikaʻi ʻo kēlā me kēia papa kāne. A laila ʻike ʻia ʻo Jimmy.

ʻO Gloria e noho ana ma kahi noho e kū pono ana i kāna kāne, ua nānā mai iaʻu me ke kaumaha a me ka hopohopo. "I ka wā hapai ʻia au e Jimmy," ʻōlelo malu ʻo ia, "Makemake au i ke kaikamahine. ʻO Jimmy i lilo kā mākou keiki hope. I kona hānau ʻana, ua make wau i ka waimaka. "

Me kā Jimmy a me kona makuahine me ka naʻaupō i hana ʻole i kēia mau mea a pau, no ka mea, ma ka makahiki ʻewalu ua lilo ʻo Jimmy i hoaloha maikaʻi loa o kona makuahine. ʻO ka mālama a me ke keiki palupalu, ke hōʻike nei i ka hiki ke hoʻokani piano, ʻo Jimmy kekahi o kēlā mau keiki me ka maʻalahi i ka nalu o kekahi kanaka a ʻike i kona mau manaʻo a me nā manaʻo ma kahi ʻōlelo. I kēlā makahiki, hiki iā ia ke heluhelu i ka sentiment a me ke ʻano pilikino, ʻaʻole naʻe he hoa aloha o kona mau makahiki. Ua hōʻike ʻo ia i nā hōʻailona he nui o ka pono prehomosexual. ʻO ka manawa hou, ua hoʻomaka ʻo Gloria e hopohopo e pili ana i ka ulu ʻana o ka noho kaʻawale a me ke kaumaha o ke keiki. ʻO nā keikikāne, ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, hauʻoli lākou i nā mea āpau a ua hoʻoponopono maikaʻi ʻia.

Ua ʻike ʻo Jimmy i kekahi mau makahiki ma mua o kona wā i hoʻomaka ai e hoʻāʻo ma luna o nā apo pepeiao a kona kupuna wahine. ʻO ke kala gula a me nā kala gula a Gloria i kahi hoʻopiʻi kūikawā i nā maka o ke keiki kāne, a hoʻomaka ʻo ia e kamaʻāina maikaʻi i nā lole wahine - ʻo ia mau mea a pau ma mua o kona hele ʻana i ke kula. I kēlā manawa ʻehā wale nō ona makahiki.

"Hana like nō wau iā Jimmy e like me nā keiki ʻē aʻe," wahi a Gordon, "a maopopo iaʻu ʻaʻole hana kēia, no ka mea, ua hana pololei ʻole ʻo ia i kaʻu mau ʻōlelo. Ua haʻalele ʻo ia i ka lumi me ka hōʻole ʻole e kamaʻilio me aʻu i kekahi mau lā o ka lā o kekahi. ”

I kona wā i nui ai, hoʻomaka ʻo Jimmy e hōʻike i nā ʻano ʻē aʻe e hūʻalo ʻia. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻo Gordon i ke koena o nā keiki kāne i ka manawa e hālāwai ai iā ia i kona wā e hoʻi mai ai mai ka hana, ʻaʻole ʻo Jimmy ka mea mālama mau e like me ke ʻano o kona makuakāne.

I kēia manawa, ʻo Jimmy nā mea moe kolohe ʻole i hoʻokumu nui ai. Noho ʻo ia ma kahi honua i hana ʻia, e noho ana no nā hola i loko o kona lumi a hana kiʻi i nā kiʻi kāʻei kiʻi. Ua nānā ʻo Gloria i kahi ʻano maikaʻi ʻole - ʻo kēlā me kēia manawa, me ka ʻino, ua hoʻomaka ʻo Jimmy e kope i nā hiʻohiʻona

wahine hele. I ka wā i hele mai ai kekahi o nā hoaaloha o kona kaikuaʻana e kipa iā lākou, hoʻowahāwahā ʻia a hoʻomāʻewaʻaka iā ia, ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hoʻohālike wahine.

I ka hopena, ua hoʻoholo ʻo Gloria lāua ʻo Gordon e hana i kekahi mea e kōkua ai i kāna keiki. A komo pū lākou i kā lākou hoʻoholo me ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka malama mua o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana o ka ʻohana, ua hoʻomaka kekahi o nā keikikāne, ʻo Tony. Noʻu, he hōʻailona kēlā me ka hahai mauʻohana i koʻu mau ʻōlelo manaʻo. I kēia manawa, kono aku au iā Gloria lāua ʻo Gordon e wehewehe iā Tony e hui pū ka ʻohana a kōkua iā Jimmy, ʻo "ka poina iā ia ke keiki." Ma hope o kēlā, ʻoiai he hoʻomaka koʻikoʻi, hoʻomaka pū ʻo Tony e kōkua i kona kaikuaʻana.

Ua ʻike ʻo Gordon ua hoʻomaka ke keiki ʻōpiopio e haʻalele iā ia. “ʻO ka wā kamaliʻi o Jimmy i hoʻohui pū me kahi wā paʻakikī i koʻu ola. Paha ka male o kā mākou māla i nā seams, i ka hana - pilikia nui. Me he mea lā ʻaʻole wau makemake e hopohopo iaʻu iho pehea e ʻike ai i kahi ʻōlelo maʻamau me kēia keiki, no ka mea he koʻikoʻi loa kona helehelena: kahakahaʻo ia a lele i loko o kona lumi i kēlā manawa kaʻu ʻōlelo ʻana i kekahi mea āna i ʻike ai e like me ka hoʻohewa ʻana. "

ʻO ke mau keikikāne, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻoliʻoli mau ka pāʻani me ko lākou makuakāne a ʻimi i kona nānā. "Ua hoʻokuʻu wale wau iā Jimmy ʻaʻole e noho pū me aʻu," haʻi ʻo Gordon. "ʻAʻole wau e koi, ua kuhi wau pēlā: eia nō, no ka makemake ʻole e launa pū me aʻu, ʻo ia kāna mau pilikia."

"Ma ia hihia," wehewehe au, "e hana mākou i ke kūlike e pili ana i ka mea a mākou i hana ai ma mua." ʻO ke ʻano kēia, pono ʻoe e Gordon, e hoʻāʻo iā Jimmy. A ʻo ʻoe, e Gloria, e pono e aʻo e "haʻalele ʻole." ʻO ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa e hana pū, e hoʻomanaʻo iā Jimmy e nui ana ke keiki. ”

ʻO kā kaʻu hoʻolālā lapaʻau, ʻo Jimmy i ʻōlelo aku e hōʻeuʻeu ʻo Gordon i kāna keiki, hāʻawi aku iā ia i ka nānā kūikawā, lawe i ke keiki me ia ma kāna ʻoihana, a pili iā ia i nā pāʻani pili kino. Ke hoʻāʻo wau e haʻi i koʻu mau kūpuna i nā hana he nui no kēia - no ka laʻana, ʻoiai ke hoʻomohala nei i ke kaʻa, ʻae ke nānā i kaʻu keiki i ka pana. He mea koʻikoʻi kēia mau kaʻina liʻiliʻi no ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ke pilina o ke keikikāne me ka honua o ke kāne, ʻo ia ke kumu o ka pilina ikaika ma waena o ka makuakāne a me ke keiki kāne.

I kekahi manawa ua kāhea ʻo Gordon iā Jimmy e kōkua i ka mahiʻai a hana paha paha i ka barbecue. Ua hana ʻo Gordon i mea e hoʻokele ai i ka home i ka wā papa papa wikiō ʻo Jimmy a hele i kāna mau hana āpau. Ua lawe ʻo ia i ke keikikāne i ke kahua haʻuki me kona mau kaikuaʻana, me ka manaʻolana e hoʻohuli ai ʻo Jimmy i ka ʻano o ka noho kaʻawale a me kona makemake ʻole i kona mau hoahānau.

I ka wā mua, ua hōʻole maikaʻi ʻo Jimmy i nā hana a kona makuakāne. ʻO ia nō naʻe, ua hōʻole iki ʻo ia i kahi kono e hele i kona keʻena me kona makuakāne. Akā, ma muli o ka pilina me kona makuakāne, ua ʻoluʻolu ʻo Jimmy, ua hoʻomaka ʻo Jimmy e ʻano kamaliʻi a me ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻole i ke kula. Ua ʻae aku au i ka hoʻoholo o nā mākua a Jimmy e hoʻopaʻa iā ia ma ka māhele i manaʻo ʻia e hui ʻia, akā ʻaʻohe kaua a ua lanakila nā keikikāne. ʻO ka makuahine o Jimmy, ʻo Gloria, ua noi kūikawā i ka mea i aʻo aku, i ka ʻōpio haumāna, e hāʻawi iā Jimmy i kahi kāne kāne hou e pono ai.

Pono nā keiki e like me Jimmy e kākoʻo ana nā mākua a paipai iā lākou, ʻaʻole neʻe a hoʻāhewa paha iā lākou. No ka mea, i ka wā i ʻewalu ai ʻo Jimmy, ua lawe ʻo ia i kahi pā mehameha, kahi panda, me ia i ke kula. Ua nānā ʻo Gloria ma ke kahua papaʻaina i ka pāʻina awakea a ʻike ʻo ia ke pāʻani wale nei kāna keiki me ka panda a kamaʻilio pū me ia. I ka lā aʻe, ma ke kauoha a Gloria, ua kamaʻilio pū ʻo Gordon me kāna keiki a ʻī akula: “ʻO Jimmy, nā keiki o kou makahiki, ʻaʻole e lawe i nā mea pāʻani haʻahaʻa i ke kula. Akā ua lawe mai au iā ʻoe i kahi mea. Hāʻawi ʻo ia iā Jimmy i ka "Game Boy," kahi pāʻani pāʻani lima i lawe ʻia e ke keiki me ia ke lā aʻe. I kona pīhoihoi ʻana, ua hoʻopuni ʻo nā haumāna kula iā ia me nā noi e hoʻokuʻu iā lākou e pāʻani, a ʻoiaʻiʻo hoʻi, ua kāhea ʻia ʻo Jimmy i hui, no ka mea, ʻo ia ka mea pāʻani.

Ma muli o nā hana e holomua ana e kona mau mākua, pono ke ʻano ʻo Jimmy i kūpono no kāna ʻano haʻahaʻa. ʻAʻole wale kēia pili i ka wahine, akā ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana mai nā hoa ʻōpiopio, ka makemakika maʻamau, makaʻu a makaʻu hoʻi i nā keiki kāne. Ua haʻi ʻo Gordon iaʻu: "Ke nānā ʻole ʻo Jimmy iaʻu a hele mai me he mea ʻaʻole pono ʻo ia iaʻu, pono wau e haʻi: he kī maikaʻi kēia a ua manaʻo wau e huli a haʻalele. He mea maʻalahi loa ke hele me ka kahe a hoʻopaʻa i ke kūlana quo. Akā ke hoʻomanaʻo nei au i ka maikaʻi o Jimmy iaʻu. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ma hope o ke kuhi o ka hopohopo a me ka hoʻowahāwahā ke waiho nei i ka makemake e kamaʻilio pū me aʻu. Ke hoʻoheheʻe nei wau i koʻu mau manaʻo a hoʻomau i ke ala ʻana iā ia. Ua nalowale wau i kaʻu hana i ka wā ʻo Jimmy i ka wā ʻōpio, akā i kēia manawa ʻaʻole au e hoʻokuʻu i kaʻu keiki iaʻu e hoʻokuke maʻalahi iaʻu. ”

ʻO ka hana paʻakikī e hoʻopiʻi i masculinity

E like me kā mākou i ʻike ai, ʻo ka wahine dysphoria kamaliʻi ke kū nei i ka mea hoʻokūkū o ka moʻomeheu. Wahi a nā noiʻi ʻē aʻe, pili pū kekahi pilia wahine i nā pilikia ʻē aʻe e like me (Jimmy's) i ka haʻalele ʻana o ke keikikāne i kona makua kāne, hōʻuluʻulu kanaka, a me ka uku ʻia ma o ka ʻuhane. Kōkua ke mau ʻoihana holomua i ke ala i kahi ala i loko o kahi honua i hoʻokaʻawale maoli ʻia i nā kāne a me nā wahine. Me ke kōkua o nā ʻelele nui ʻelua i kona ola, ka makuahine a me ka makuakāne, kahi keikikāne me ka hōʻiliʻili o ke kāne hiki ke haʻalele i nā moemoeā androgynous huna a ʻike ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka noho ʻana i loko o kahi honua me nā palena kāne ʻokoʻa.

Ma ka makua, pono ʻoe e hana pono i kāu iho - me a ʻole ke kōkua a ka lāʻau lapaʻau - he aloha ʻole a he kākoʻo maoli nō kēlā, he kiko. Ma ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i ka ʻano o ka makemake like ʻole a ka makua, pono ʻole nā ​​mākua i ka manaʻo ʻana o ke keiki ua ʻike ʻia ʻo ia he kanaka kūʻokoʻa. ʻAʻole ʻoe e manaʻo i lilo i kāu keiki i lilo i keiki kāne a i ʻole ke kaikamahine me nā mea maʻamau no kāna male. Aia kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona, aia mau nā ʻano maʻamau. Akā i ka manawa like, hiki i "palekana androgyny" ke hoʻokumu i kahi kumu paʻa o ka hilinaʻi ma ka mahina pono o kekahi.

He mea nui ia e hoʻolohe mau i ke keiki me ka mahalo like. Mai ikaika iā ia e komo i nā mea āna e makemake ai. Mai hana iā ia e kūpono i ka kuleana e makaʻu ai iā ia. Mai hilahila i ka pili. ʻO ke kaʻina o ke hoʻololi e hele lohi nei, ma o kahi ʻano o nā hana i hui ʻia e ke kōkua aloha. ʻO ka ho'āʻo ʻana e hilahila hiki ke loaʻa nā hopena maikaʻi ʻole.

Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Alex, he kanaka homoseksop hou me kāna mau loina.

I hoʻokahi manawa, i koʻu makahiki ʻelima, ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi ʻāpana o ka meaʻaila ma ke ʻano he makana, ka nui o nā hue liʻiliʻi me nā ʻanoʻaila like ʻole i loko o kahi pahu me nā cell. He mea kupanaha lākou iaʻu, a lawe au iā lākou i nā wahi a pau. ʻAʻole poina wau e hopu iā lākou, a hele aku wau me koʻu makuakāne e kipa aku i nā hoahānau. Manaʻo wau ua hauʻoli wau iā lākou, no ka mea ua hoʻoholo wau e hōʻike iā lākou i koʻu makakāʻo Margarita. Nānā maila ʻo ia iaʻu a ʻōlelo mai e like me: "No ke aha ʻoe e makemake ai i ka poni? He kaikamahine anei ʻoe? ”I, na waimaka wau. Pono pahaʻo ia e hewa no ka mea ua holo ʻo ia e hōʻoia hou iaʻu.

ʻAʻole wau ʻike i ke kumu, akā ke hoʻomanaʻo nei au i kēia hanana. Ua hala koke kēia ʻano hoihoi me nā ʻuhane, akā no kēia mea ua ʻike au i nā manaʻo like ʻole.

Inā he liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi kāu keiki, no laila ʻae ia e kuhikuhi iā ia i nā ʻike o kāna ʻano ponoʻī, ʻo ia nō, aia nō ia he lālā, a ʻo ia kahi maʻi kino a me nā maʻi maʻamau, ʻo ia kahi. Pono ka makua e hoʻokomo i kēia hana hoʻonaʻauao. He nui nā mākua e ʻike me ka holoi ʻana ʻana me kā lākou mau keiki i loaʻa ka manawa kūpono no ia mau kamaʻilio. Pono nā makuakāne e hoʻomaopopo i ka anatomy e hana i ke keiki "e like me nā keiki āpau." He hōʻailona e loaʻa iā nā kāne ʻo nā genital (a ke keiki e aloha ai ka makemake a ke keiki e makemake nei e hōʻole) e hoʻopau i nā wahine a i ʻole androgynous moeʻuhane. ʻO ke kino kāne ke ʻano maoli, ʻo ia ka mea i ʻike ʻole ʻia, e hoʻāʻo nei i kona masculinity a me ka wehewehe maoli iā ia mai ka makuahine. He hōʻailona kēia o kona hoʻohālike i ka makuakāne.

Shower me ke makuakāne

ʻO kahi ʻaina pū me ka makuakāne kahi ala maikaʻi e hoʻomaikaʻi i ka hōʻike ʻana i ke keikikāne me ka makuakāne a me ka masculinity o ka makua, a me kāna kāne pilikino kāne.

ʻO Kauka George Rekers, ka loea loea ma RGI kamaliʻi, e hāʻawi i nā kikoʻī kikoʻī e pili ana i ka hiki ʻana o kēlā ʻanoʻike. " ʻO kēlā me kēia nīnau e pane maikaʻi ʻia, me ka manaʻo kūlohelohe, e hāʻawi i ka ʻike e like me ke kiʻekiʻe o ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ke keiki, ka hoʻoikaika a ma kēia manawa e pane i kēlā mau nīnau i kēlā me kēia manawa. "¹.

Pono nō hoʻi nā makua: hele a nānā ke keiki i ke ʻano o ka makuakāne o ka makua kāne a pili ʻole ʻia. I kēia mau pilikia, pono ke makua e pale i ka hilahila a i ʻole ka pīhoihoi, ʻaʻole i hana maikaʻi i ka hoʻopiʻi, koi a hoʻoweliweli paha i kāna keiki. Akā, pono e haʻi ka makua kāne i ke keiki nāna e nānā like i ka wā e lilo ana ʻo ia i kona wā ʻōpiopio.

Inā hoʻopā ke keiki i nā ʻōpū o ka makua kāne, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka nui, ʻaʻole e māʻona kāna makemake, a e hooki ʻo ia i kēia mau loʻi. ʻAʻohe pena ke keiki e hoʻopā pinepine iā ia, inā nā mea. ʻOiai inā hoʻomau mau ke keiki e hoʻopā i ka penis o ka makua kāne (ʻo ka mea ʻole ʻia ʻole), ʻōlelo a Kauka Rekers i ka makuakāne e hoʻololi i ka manaʻo o kāna keiki, me ka ʻōlelo ʻana: . ^ E Ha yM.

Inā hoʻopili pinepine ke keiki i ka ʻōpū o ka makuakāne i kēlā me kēia manawa e kau pū ai lākou, ʻōlelo ʻo Dr. Rekers i ka makuakāne e ʻōlelo aku: “ʻAʻole oʻu manaʻo e nānā ʻoe i koʻu ʻimi, ʻo wau nō kou makuakāne. Ke ʻike nei i ke ʻano o ke kūlohelohe o kahi pākeke, hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo pehea e nānā ai kou kino i ka wā e hiki mai ana. Akā inā ua hoʻopā ʻoe iā ia, pono wau e paipai. ʻAʻohe kāne mākou e hoʻopiʻi i nā peni kekahi, me ka ʻole o kekahi mau hihia. ʻO kahi laʻana, ke nānā aku nei ke kauka i kahi mea maʻi; a ʻauʻau hoʻi i nā mākua; i ka wā e pono ai ke nānā aku inā pono ke nānā ʻana i ke keiki inā loaʻa iā ia i ka ʻeha a ʻeha paha i nā ʻōpū. ” Eia kekahi, pono e wehewehe ka makuakāne e hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻopā i kāu penu wale nō ke nānā aku i nā mea ʻē aʻe.

Ua wehewehe ʻo Kauka Rekers i kekahi hanana hōʻino i hōʻino ʻia i kahi keikikāne i mea hoʻonāukiuki a ua hoʻōho ʻo ia i ke ʻano o ke kāne kāne. Hele mai ka makua puka mai waho mai o ka ua, a ʻo ke keiki liʻiliʻi, naʻe ʻia e ka pāheʻe a me ka nani loa i kona helehelena, hoʻopā ʻia i ka pale o kona makuakāne. Uwē koke ka makuakāne i ke keiki, u leo ​​nui loa iā ia a kāhea akula ʻo ia he "kolohe." Mai ia wā mai, hoʻomaka ke keikikāne e hōʻike i ka ʻano. ʻO ka lawe ʻana, ua kīʻo ia i ka penis ma waena o kona mau wāwae e like me ke kaikamahine, a haʻi aku i kona makuahine i kona minamina iā ia.

Eia naʻe, inā e hana pololei ʻia ka ʻike ʻana o ka ʻōpū hui kino o ka makua kāne a me ke keiki, wahi a Rekers, "ʻo ke keiki e mākaukau loa i ka lua me nā kāne ʻē aʻe i loko o ka lumi locker ma ke kula, a laila ma ka hale kula haumāna."

Ma kahi o ka hāʻawi ʻana i ka wai i kaʻu mau keiki liʻiliʻi, ua ʻōlelo aku wau i nā makuakāne e komo pinepine i ka hōʻiliʻili kino kino me nā keiki kāne. Hiki pū i nā makuakāne ke kōkua pū me ka hoʻoulu ʻana i ka ulu kino a me nā hōʻike pilikino o ka ulu ʻana. Hāʻawi kēia i ka pale ʻana i ka hana "boy-boy" male e pāʻani ʻia e kahi keikikāne wahine

pilikia. ʻO ka hakakā, ke hakakā, "hakakā ka pope" - ma ia mau mea āpau, ua wehe ke keikikāne i kona ikaika kino a pili pū me kēia kanaka makaʻu a pohihihi.

ʻO ka mea nui e kau

ʻO kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku i ka makua kāne makua, ʻo ka ʻole me ke kaawale, e wehewehe i kahi hōʻeha ʻeha - aneane ʻehaʻeha - mai ka nele o ka pilina kino me koʻu makuakāne. Ua wehewehe ʻo Richard Wyler i ke ʻano o kēia haʻalele ʻana i ka maka.

No kahi kanaka no ka moʻomeheu komohana he mea maopopo loa ia: ʻaʻole pili nā kāne maoli i kekahi. Eia nō naʻe, ʻo kēia luʻi i lawe ʻia i nā makuakāne a me nā keiki kāne, ʻo nā mea liʻiliʻi loa, i nā kaikunāne a me nā hoa aloha. Ke hopohopo nei nā kāne i kā mākou moʻomeheu i ke ʻano he kāne like ʻole a "huli" i loko o nā kāne like ʻole, e haki ana i kahi kāne ʻē a pili ʻole iā ia.

Akā, hūnā kēia i ka mea a ka poʻe makaʻu e makaʻu ai: nui nā keikikāne, ka haʻalele ʻana i ka pili kino, ulu aʻe, moeʻuhane i nā hāmeʻa. Inā ʻaʻole i hoʻokō ʻia ka pono no nā umauma a pā ʻana i ke wā kamaliʻi, ʻaʻole ia e haʻalele wale no ka mea e lilo ke keiki i ke kāne. ʻOiai nui loa ʻo ia a hōʻole ʻia no ka manawa lōʻihi e ʻimi nei kekahi o mākou i ka moe me ke kāne, ʻoiai ʻo ka mea maoli, pono mākou i kahi hāmeʻa. ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo i ka pehea i loaʻa ai ka paʻi wahine ʻole, ʻo ia ka mea i makemake nui ai.

Ma waho o kēia ʻike maʻamau, he pilikia ka ʻōpio i nā pilina ʻole i ʻae ʻole a i ʻole e launa pū ai.

Ua hoʻomau ka Wyler:

ʻAʻole ia he mea kupanaha, ua nui nā mea o mākou i komo i loko o nā pilina dysfunctional a maikaʻi ʻole paha mai ka wā kamaliʻi. I ka wā e loaʻa ai kahi mea like me ke aloha a me ke ʻae ʻia, ua pili mākou i loko me ka ʻole e noʻonoʻo ʻana i nā hopena.

I kekahi manawa ua hoʻohana nā kāne ʻē iā mākou no ka leʻaleʻa wahine a i ʻole mākou iā lākou i ke aloha a aloha ʻia.

E hoʻomanaʻo i ka moʻolelo o ka lawelima Olimpiade Greg Luganis, i haʻi ʻia ma ka mokuna ʻekolu? He keikikāne kupaianaha ʻo ia i ʻike ʻole ʻia a hoʻowalewale ʻia e nā hoaaloha a ʻehā mai kona makuakāne. ʻAʻole ia he mea kahaha, ua hoʻonāukiuki ʻia ʻo Luganis i ka manaʻo o kekahi makua kāne āna i hālāwai ai ma kahakai. Ua "huki ʻia ʻo ia i ka wahine pili a pili a ʻoi ka ʻoi aku ma mua o ka moe kolohe." Ua "pōloli nō ia no ke aloha."

ʻO kekahi o nā hana koʻikoʻi e kū nei i nā mākua e paipai i ke keiki e hōʻike maoli i nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo maoli. No ka mea, e like me kā mākou i ʻike ai, hopohopo pinepine ke keikikāne me ka pilikia e ulu a ʻo ke kuleana i pili i ka kuleana kāne, e hōʻeuʻeu iā ia e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāna hopohopo a hōʻike i kona mau manaʻo e pili ana i ka hana hoʻoweliweli.

Hāʻawi mākou i kahi hiʻohiʻona. "ʻO Sean" he keikikāne mau makahiki ʻehiku, a ua hoʻoholo kona makuakāne: "ʻAʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka pilikia o Sean; e aloha wale kakou ia ia a apono. " Maikaʻi kēia ʻano ʻoiai e hoʻomaka, akā ʻaʻole lawa. Pono nā mākua e ʻike i nā ala e wehewehe iā ia i nā ʻokoʻa ma waena o ka masculinity a me ka hiʻohiʻona. Nā nīnau e like me: "He aha kou makemake e lilo i ka wā e ulu ai ʻoe?", "ʻO wai kou makemake like ʻole ke ʻano nui i kou wā e ulu ai?" He kumu maikaʻi ke hoʻoponopono i nā ʻike i kuhi ʻia i loko o ka noʻonoʻo, e hāʻawi i ke kākoʻo.

Pono nā mākua e hoʻololi lohi i nā mea pāʻani, pāʻani, a me ka lole e hoʻoliʻoli ana i nā moemoeā kāne a ke keiki kāne. Ua ʻōlelo kekahi mau makuahine iaʻu e hūnā lākou i kekahi mau mea. Ma ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ko lākou kaumaha a me ka wikiwiki e hana i ka wikiwiki, hoʻokohu wau i kahi ala ʻoi aʻe e wehe. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻāpono i ke keiki e komo i ka hoʻoili ʻana i kēia mau mea me kāna ʻae i nā kaikamahine liʻiliʻi. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa kekahi mau mākua i ka hana kuʻuna i nā mea pāʻani wahine, ʻohi iā lākou e hāʻawi i ke kaikamahine ma ka puka a i ʻole nā ​​hoahānau. Hiki paha iā ia kahi "hanana alaʻala" inā ʻōpio ke keiki ʻōpio. E lawe i ka pahu, kau i nā lekiā ma laila, e hoʻopaʻa iā ia a ʻōlelo i ka "Aloha maikaʻi!", ʻOiai e hoʻomaopopo ana i ka paʻakikī o ke keikikāne i hāʻawi i kēia mau mea pāʻani. E wehewehe iā ia: "E lawe aku kēia makuakāne iā lākou i kahi kaikamahine liʻiliʻi o ke kaā i loaʻa ʻole i kāua kaikamahine Barbie."

He mea nui ia a hiki i kāu keiki ke hōʻino a hōʻike i ke kaumaha a me ka nalowale. Malia paha ʻo ka mea paʻakikī loa e hoʻolohe malia i kona kaumaha a hiki i kēia mau mea i ka hopena.

Hiki i kahi "hanana hanohano" hikiʻole ke paʻakikī, akā ʻaʻole ia he traumatic. A ʻo kāu hoʻoholo e hoʻokō ʻaʻole pono ia ka manaʻo, akā noʻonoʻo maikaʻi. ʻIke ke keiki e hāʻawi i kēia mau mea? Malia paha no kēia mea wale nō ka mea e koi ai iā ia? A i ʻole i ka ʻaha hana iā ia e hoʻohiki a huhū? Inā pēlā, a ʻaʻole i hiki mai ka manawa no nā hana koʻikoʻi.

Pehea ke ʻano o ka lilo ʻana i ka hopena o kāu keiki. Inā hoʻihoʻi ʻia ʻo ia, ʻoki ʻia, huhū, huhū a hoʻoweliweli, a laila hōʻailona kēia i kou ikaika no nā hanana. Hoʻokahi mau pūʻulu hoihoi i "hoʻoponopono" i ke keiki i ka hebedoma hoʻokahi. ʻO ka hopena, lilo ke keiki a me ke ʻōpio. ʻO ka manaʻo ʻino, ke hoʻololi hewa i ke ʻano o ke keikikāne i hōʻike ʻia ʻaʻole i hāʻawi ʻia i kahi manawa e hoʻokūkū i nā manaʻolana hou o kona mau mākua.

Ke hāʻule nei kekahi mau mākua i kahi kū'ē kū'ē: lohi lākou i nā hoʻololi a ʻike maoli. No ka hapa nui, ʻo nā ʻano laha o ka manaʻo i hilahila ai i nā ʻano kuʻuna moʻomeheu hou, a, e like me ia i haʻi ʻia nei, nā ʻōlelo kuʻikahi a nā pediatricians Ke kali nei kēia mau mākua i ka ʻae ʻana o ka loea ma mua o ka haʻi ʻana i ke keiki i ka leʻaleʻa: “Bobby, ʻaʻohe mea hou aku o nā kaikamahine. Ua ʻōpō ʻoe ua hana e like me ke kaikamahine. ” 'Theylelo lākou e makaʻu lākou e kūkākūkā i nā pilikia me kā lākou keiki nāna i hōʻeha i kona mau manaʻo.

Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hoʻopiʻi maikaʻi loa ʻana ʻo ka hana ʻana o nā mākua, e lawe pū ana i ke hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke keiki he leo maʻalahi, akā he mau ʻōlelo like ʻole a me ka loli ʻole. Hoʻokomo kēia ʻano hana i ka palaualelo, mālama, aloha a kāpae i ka wikiwiki; akā, ua maopopo nā mea a pau ʻole a maikaʻi ʻole. He mea nui ia a hui pono nā mākua a paʻa, no ka mea ʻo kēia ala wale nō ke lawe mai i ka hopena e kū pono loa ai.

Ua mālama maikaʻi ʻia kekahi makuahine: "ʻO ka lanakila ʻana o ka ʻano wahine. ʻAʻole koi ia i ka hoʻoikaika nui e like me ka mālama mau ʻana. " ʻO ka hana mua i ka hōʻola ʻana, ʻo ia ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā pilikia o ke keiki a hoʻoholo e hoʻoholo pū me lāua. ʻO ka lua hana ke hoʻopiʻi i ke keiki me ka manaʻo o ka makua e manaʻo e kōkua iā ia a he mea pono ke hoʻololi. Aia naʻe e hoʻomaopopo ana ke keiki a hui pū nā mākua ʻelua a ʻaʻohe manaʻo e ʻae i ke ʻano o ka wahine kāne, hoʻomaka ʻo ia e kamaʻilio. ʻO kekahi mau ʻoluʻolu mai kēlā mau koi, ua manaʻo pinepine ʻole ʻia, e ʻike ʻia.

Ke kaʻina hana

Mai koʻu ʻike me ka hana ʻana me nā keikikāne me ka maʻi male a me ko lākou mau mākua, hiki iaʻu ke ʻōlelo aʻe he ʻehā mau pae o ka ulu ʻana o ka loli: (1) kūʻē, (2) kūʻokoʻa kūʻokoʻa, (3) kūʻē kūʻē, a (4) hui makua-keiki.

Inā hōʻike kāu keiki i kahi ʻano cross-gender maoli, ʻo kēia mau kaʻina e lilo i ʻano hana holoʻokoʻa e kōkua iā ʻoe e ʻimi i kahi ala i hoʻomaikaʻi ʻia. ʻOiaʻiʻo, e like me nā hoʻolālā āpau e wehewehe ana i kahi mea paʻakikī, hiki i kēia mau manawa ke kū pono ʻole; hiki i ke keiki ke hoʻi i ka papa i mua ma mua o kona hoʻomaka ʻana i ka hope aʻe. Eia naʻe, hiki i kēia mau hana ke lilo i alakaʻi alakaʻi maʻamau.

Hōʻike 1: Kākoʻo. Lāʻau me nā hoʻoponopono hou, e hōʻike ke keiki i ka huhū, huhū a me ke kipi. Ua maopopo ʻo ia ʻaʻole e ʻae ka makuakāne a me kona makuakāne i kāna ʻano hana wahine a me nā moʻoʻae i hāʻawi mua i ka hauʻoli a me ka maluhia. Aia a ʻike ʻo ia ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hauʻoli i ke kiʻi kiʻi wale iā ia iho, hiki iā ia ke hoʻohuli iā ʻoe mai ke ʻano aku. ʻO nā keikikāne e kūpono ʻole i ka male ʻia a me nā koi. E hoʻāʻo e kaua koʻikoʻi nui a koi.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻi i kāu keiki penei: "ʻIke maopopo, ua laki ʻoe i ke keiki." E hoʻokau a maikaʻi iki - nā ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā kaikamahine a me nā keikikāne. Hoʻoikaika i kāna ʻano kāne ala aʻe i ka nīnau ʻana i nā nīnau e like me: "ʻO wai ke kaikamahine āu e mare ai i ka wā i nui ai ʻoe?", "Pehea ʻoe ʻano makua kāne i kou wā e ulu ai ʻoe?"

Kūlana 2: ʻauhau kūʻokoʻa. I ka nui o nā hihia, ʻike koke nā mākua i ka neʻe ʻana o kā lākou keiki iā lākou - ma ka liʻiliʻi loa, no laila e nānā mua. Hoʻomaka mau pinepine ʻia nā loli a nīnau lākou iā lākou iho: "Ua hoʻololi maoli ʻia ʻo ia, a ua ʻāpono ʻole anei ʻoe e loaʻa ka hoʻomaikaʻi?" Maʻoluʻolu ʻoe, hiki i kahi keiki ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa iki i ka loli e like me kāu makemake. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo nā loli mua ka nui o ka hoʻololi ʻana o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana me ka ʻole o ka loli maoli. Akā, ma hope o ka manawa lōʻihi, inā ʻoe e pili kokoke i ia me ia, ua lilo kēia ʻano i mea o kāna hōʻike pilikino. ʻOiai ʻo ʻoe, nā mākua, nā mea nui loa i kona ao, e lilo ʻo ia me ka hakakā, akā me ka hui ʻole ʻia me kāna mau moemoeāʻa male.

3 kahua: Kākoʻo huna. Hauʻoli paha ʻoe i ka wikiwiki o kāu keiki i kāu wawao. Eia nō naʻe, aia nō ka hoʻi o ka hana wahine hūnā huna e hoʻomaikaʻi koke iā ʻoe a manaʻo ʻoe e lilo ʻole nā ​​hana āpau. E hoʻopakele i nā mākua mai ke kaumaha a me ke kaumaha, ua aʻo aku au iā lākou e manaʻo i kēlā mau manawa i mua o ka hopohopo ʻana i kēia mea.

Eia kahi hiʻohiʻona o kēlā me kēia pilina. ʻ changinga paha ke loli ʻana o kāu keiki ʻelima mau makahiki ʻelima, akā ua kaha hou hou ʻo ia i ka lei a hoʻomaka pū hoʻi e hū i kāna thumb. ʻOi ʻoe: “E ke aloha, ʻaʻole anei mākou i kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēia?” “ʻAe?” ʻŌlelo ʻo ia. “E ke keiki,” ua pane mālie ʻoe, akā ua hoʻoholo ʻia, “ua kamaʻilio mua mākou i ke ʻano o ke keiki kāne, a ʻaʻole nā ​​pāʻani makua kāne me nā leʻa. No laila, e hele aku e hoʻokuʻu i ka leaka, a loaʻa ʻoe i nā mea pāʻani ʻē aʻe. " Pono ʻoe e hoʻomākaukau no ka mea e lawe ʻoi ke keiki i ʻelua mau wāwae i hoʻokahi a ʻoi hoʻi kahi papa hope. E hoʻomanaʻo nā mākua i kekahi mea ʻole i ka lewa ma kahi o ka laina pōkole loa, me ka hoʻihoʻi hou ʻana o kā lāua keiki.

E nānā ʻoe i ka ʻoi aku o kahi pinepine, ʻaʻole hoʻi ke keiki, e hoʻi ana kāu ʻano wahine ma hope o ka hōʻeha ʻana i ka manaʻo ponoʻī. Wahi a kahi makuakāne: "Aia ʻino ke keiki kāne, kūlohelohe ʻo ia." Ke manaʻo nei ke keiki a leʻaleʻa a hauʻoli, hālāwai i ka ʻae ʻana o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e haʻalele ʻo ia i ka hana ʻana. Mākaukau nō hoʻi mākou no ka noho hoʻoponopono ʻana i ka wā e luhi ke keiki, maʻi, ʻeha ʻia ke kaumaha, kekahi ʻano o ka ʻoliʻoli a i ʻole hōʻahewa ʻia. ʻO ka Femininity kahi pane piha ma ke koʻikoʻi.

Ma hope o ke ʻano o ke ʻano nui, hōʻike nā mākua i ko lākou hopohopo "makemake wale ke keiki iā mākou" a "ʻono e hōʻoluʻolu iā mākou, no ka mea, ʻike ʻo ia he mea nui ia no mākou." Makemake lākou e ʻike inā paha e loli maoli kā kā lāua keiki. ʻO ke aʻa ʻana i ke kula ma mua o ka loli ke kūlanaPono ke lika i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana.

Pono ka ʻohana e hoʻomaikaʻi i nā hiʻohiʻona kāne o ke keiki kāne. Inā hoʻomau ʻia ka makua kāne ke kumu hoʻohālike, a inā ʻeha aku ke nānā aku ʻo ia i ka makuahine o ke keiki kāne a hoʻomāʻewaʻewa iā ia, hiki ʻole ke hana a ke keiki i kahi noʻonoʻo ʻole i ʻike ʻole ʻia. I kēia hihia, pono ke keikikāne i ka mea kaua o ka wahine ʻano hana no ka pale ʻana a ʻaʻohe loli kūpono e hiki ke kiʻi ʻia. Pono kākou e hoʻomaopopo i ka paʻakikī o ke kaua ʻana no ke keikikāne. Aia ka paio kūloko i loko. E like me ke haʻi a ke keiki kāne, "ma loko oʻu ʻelua mau halamu e hakakā ana kekahi."

Hoʻohālikelike 4: Uniona Hui. ʻAʻohe mea iʻoi aku ka leʻaleʻa o nā mākua ma mua o ke ʻike ʻana ke neʻe nei ke keiki iā ia. I ke nānā ʻana o ke keiki i kahi paʻi me nā wahine wahine ma TV, ʻo ka makuahine o Aron, he keiki ʻōpio me ka maʻi kāne, ua loaʻa iā ia kahi manawa maʻamau ke nānā aku i kona hakakā kūloko.

ʻIke wau ua makemake ʻo Aron e hoʻohui me kēia wahine koa. Ma mua o kēia ana, e hula ʻo ia i ka lumi e like me ka ballerina.

ʻO nā kiʻi kākuhi kokoke mai ka papa pāʻani a me nā kaʻa. ʻIke wau ua hoʻowalī ʻo ia i kona mau maka mai ka TV a hōʻuluʻulu i kekahi o nā kiʻi. Ua ho'āʻo ʻo ia e pale aku i ka hoʻowalewale e noʻonoʻo iā ia iho i kēia heroine. Puka ihola koʻu naʻau no ka mea maopopo iaʻu i kona mau manaʻo.

I ke kiko ʻana o ka launa ʻana, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hālāwai me ʻoe wale nō, akā e kamaʻilio pū nō hoʻi no kona hakakā kūloko. Ua haʻi aku kekahi kāne e manaʻoʻiʻo ana kā lāua keikikāne iā lākou: "He paʻakikī loa ke ulu." E hoʻomanaʻo no nā kamaliʻi, ulu ka ulu ʻana i ka hakakā no ka mea ʻo ia ka hālāwai o ke kūleʻa o ke keikikāne. A ke pani nei i ka hoʻomohala ʻana e lilo i mea nani, no ka mea e hāʻawi i ka hōʻoluʻolu o kahi wahine a androgynous paha a he pilina pili loa me ka makuahine, e kōkua ana e hūnā mai nā koi kāne. Ua haʻi ʻo kekahi keikikāne me ka pīhoihoi loa: "Ke hoʻāʻo nei au e poina iā lākou," e pili ana i ka hōʻiliʻili ʻana i nā kiʻi poni a Barbie āna i hāʻawi ai. ʻ toldlelo mai kona makuahine iaʻu: "I kēia manawa makemake ʻo ia e loli, ʻoiai ua ʻike wau e koi ana ia iā ia he ikaika."

Ke kuleana o ka mea lapaʻau

Mai ke ʻano lokomaikaʻi o nā mākua me ke keiki, he mea paʻakikī iā lākou ke hoʻonohonoho pono i ka hoʻololi pono ʻana i nā pono ponoi ma luna o kā lākou iho. I ka manawa hiki, hāʻawi koʻikoʻi wau i ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi psychotherapist maikaʻi no ke kōkua.

Ua hōʻike ʻia e kahi mea lapaʻau e hāʻawi i kāu mau kumuwaiwai a me kāu mau pahuhopu, ʻo ka mea mua iā ʻoe e hōʻike ai i nā ʻaoʻao aʻe, a ʻo ka lua, e kuhikuhi i nā puʻupuʻu i hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻae i ka poʻe a me nā mākua. No laila, hiki ke nānā aku ka mea lapaʻau i kāu kamaʻilio ʻana me ke keiki ʻaʻole loaʻa ka hopena e makemake ai. Hiki iā ia ke ʻike ʻole i kāu keiki a kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kāna mau hoʻāʻo a me nā hakakā, akā ke kū wale nō e hoʻokō i kāu mau noi. Hiki iā ia ke hōʻike aku i ka haʻi ʻana o ka makuakāne a me ka makuakāne i nā ʻano like ʻole, a hiki ʻole nō hoʻi ke hoʻohālikelike a hoʻokauʻē ʻia nā manaʻo e pili ana i ka moena.

No ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i ka maʻi ʻoi kāne o ka wā ʻōpiopio, he mea koʻikoʻi ka makua. ʻO nā loli e hiki nō paha ke kūpono me ka hoʻomau mau ʻia o nā mākua ʻelua. Inā hoʻokahi makua hana i kēia, e ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hopena kūpono. E hoʻomanaʻo, ʻaʻohe mea e like me ka "lālā kūlike" o ka hui o ka makua. ʻIke ʻia ka makua makua ʻole e ʻae ʻia ʻo ia i ʻae ʻole i kuhikuhi ʻia e noho wahine a me ka hōʻole ʻia o ka kūlana o ka makua ʻē aʻe. Hāʻawi ka noʻonoʻo psychoanalytic o ke kūlana prehomosexual i ka hana me ke keiki i nānā ʻia e kekahi psychotherapist hoʻokahi. ʻAʻole i hele nā ​​mākua i nā hana i mālama ʻia me ke keiki ʻelua a ʻelima mau manawa i ka pule no nā makahiki he nui. He mea kūʻai loa ke ʻano o ke ʻano o ka therapeutic, a ʻo ka pae o ka kūleʻa e waiho nui ʻia e makemake ʻia. E ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi inā hana mau ka mea lapaʻau me nā mākua, ʻaʻole naʻe me ke keiki. Ma hope o kekahi mau pule hebedoma, pono ke kamaʻilio me ke makua wale nō i nā kūkākūkā pono a me ka nānā ʻana i ka holomua o ke keiki (ma kahi o hoʻokahi mahina). ʻO ka pinepine, kahi hālāwai me kahi keiki e koi ʻia e ka mea lapaʻau wale nō no ka hoʻomaka ʻana i ka maʻi maʻi a laila manawa no ka wā mālama. ʻIke pinepine wau i kaʻu mau loea aʻo wau i hoʻoikaika nui ʻia i ka ʻike intuitive a koʻu mau mākua. Hoʻomaopopo ka naʻau iā lākou ʻaʻole pololei loa ke pēpē, akā pono lākou i ka ʻae e hoʻokaʻawale. Hoʻomaopopo loa ka hapanui o nā makuahine i ʻoi aku ka makuakāne o ke keikikāne i loko o ke kaʻina a ua hoʻonui ʻo ia i ka pilikia i kā ke keiki kāne.

Akā, e like me kā mākou i ʻōlelo ai ma ka mokuna i hala, ua nalowale nā ​​mākua i ka manawa e kū'ē ai i nā hoʻolaha pili media a me nā loea hoʻokumu keiki. Pono kēia mau mākua i kahi kauka hoʻonaʻauao e kākoʻo lākou kolohe, ʻaʻole i ka manaʻo no ka pili ʻole o ke kāne. Pono ke kauka e hoʻomākaukau i ke keiki no ke ola ma ka honua kāne, e kōkua ana e hōʻemi i ka hiki ke hoʻomohala ʻia.

He aloha aloha ʻole

ʻO kekahi o nā kuleana koʻikoʻi o ka ʻoihana lapaʻau ke kōkua i nā mākua e hōʻike i ko lākou ʻae ʻole ʻana i ka wahine hana ʻaʻole hilahila keiki. Kōkua ke kauka i ka makua e aʻo e hōʻike aku i ke keiki i ka ʻāpono ʻole ʻia o ke ʻano wahine, a akomi, akā hoʻi i kūʻē i kēlā ʻano. Akā i ka manawa like, ʻaʻole ʻike ke keiki i nā koi a nā mākua.

Ke hana pū nei me nā pilikia o kāu keiki (a i kāu kaikamahine paha), hiki iā ʻoe ke lohe no ke olakino olakino ʻē aʻe ia i ka palena liʻiliʻi o kahi kāne. E ʻōlelo ʻia ʻoe e pili pono i ka ʻano pili i ke kāne a me ka wahine. Ua kū mai kēia hana kaulana, i ka hana, mai ka hana a ka mea nāna i kākau ʻia ʻo Karl Gustav Jung, he mea i kuʻuna o Freud. Ua manaʻo ʻo Jung e ulu ka ulu ʻana e pono i ka hoʻopili ʻana o nā ʻano ʻē aʻe o ka wahine ʻē. ʻOiai, ma ka ʻōlelo i loko o ke kō o ka ulu ʻana e hui pū ai mākou i mua o nā hiʻohiʻona pili wahine, aia kekahi mau ʻoiaʻiʻo. Akā e hiki ke hoʻokō ʻia kēia wale ma hope o ka ʻike paʻa ʻana me ka moʻomeheu koi. ʻAʻole pono e hoʻoweliweli ka hoʻohui ʻia ʻana i ka hoʻokō ʻana o ka ʻikepili kūpono ʻole.

ʻIke ʻia kahi ʻano ʻike kūpono ʻole o kēia loiloi i ka aloha makua no nā ʻano ʻē aʻe o kā lāua keiki. 'Saylelo kekahi mau makuahine "kiʻekiʻe" e ka mahalo i ka ʻike ʻana i kā lākou keikikāne i ke kapa a i ʻole a me nā meaʻolima i loko o kāna mau lehelehe, ʻaʻole lākou ʻike i kekahi pilikia o ka hōʻole wahine a kāna kaikamahine e ʻaʻa i ka lole. Akā he kuhihewa nui kēia. He mea naʻaupō ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i ke keiki e hāpai i nā hiʻohiʻona wahine ma mua o ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻia me kahi ʻike masculine a i ʻole e kākoʻo i kā kāna kaikamahine hōʻole i nā mea wahine.

ʻO ka pane kūleʻa

ʻO ka mālama maikaʻi ʻana i ka hōʻino o ka wahine me ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana i ke ʻano o ka wahine a hoʻoikaika i ke ʻano olakino, hoʻomaikaʻi i ka pilina me nā hoa, a ma ka hopena o ka hōʻemi o ke kaumaha ma ke ola o kahi keiki. ʻO ka pahuhopu o ka lāʻau e hōʻemi ai i ke ʻano o ke keikikāne ua ʻokoʻa ʻo ia mai nā keiki ʻē aʻe a ua ʻoi aku ka hewa ma mua o lākou. Hoʻonui kēia i nā manawa kūpono e hoʻomohala i kahi ʻano heterosexual maʻamau. E nānā i kāu mau hoʻokō, e nānā pono i nā ʻōmaʻomaʻa e kū nei:

1. Hoʻopau i ka wahine. ʻIke nā mākua i ka haʻalele i ka hana i hoʻokau i ka hopohopo. E ʻike mākou i ka hōʻemi ʻana i nā hana a me nā ʻano hana.

2. ʻO ka ulu o ka hilinaʻi pilikino. ʻIke nā mākua e hōʻoiaʻiʻo nei kā lākou keiki a ke haʻaheo nei i hoʻopaʻa ʻia ʻo ia me kahi hana paʻakikī. Hoʻomaopopo ka mākua i ka hilinaʻi o kā lākou keiki.

3. ʻO kahi pālahalaha nui. Hōʻike nā mākua i ke keiki me ka hauʻoli, ʻoi aku ka wiwo ʻole, a kūlohelohe hoʻi. ʻO kekahi makuahine, e koho ana i kāna mau huaʻōlelo, wehewehe i kēia ala: "He mea ʻoi aku ... ʻoiaʻiʻo." Lilo ka keikikāne i mea hilahila, hilahila a me ka pilikino. E hōʻike ʻo ia i ka hiki ke ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi no ka hoʻopili ʻana i ka naʻau a me kahi pane kūpono i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.

4. Hoʻemi i ka hopohopo a i ke kaumaha paha. Ua loaʻa i nā mea noiʻi kahi pilina ma waena o ka wahine a ʻoi nui i ke kaumaha ʻole a i ke kaumaha.². ^ E Ha yM. Ke hoʻoholo nei ka hakakā ʻana o nā kamaʻilio kāne, ʻike ka mākua i ke keiki haʻahaʻa a makaʻuʻole, ʻaʻole hoʻi hopohopo e pili ana i nā mea kuʻuna. ʻO kahi ulu ulu like o ka like me nā keiki ʻē aʻe e hōʻemi i nā hōʻailona o ke kaumaha a me ke kaumaha.

5. Ke ulu nei i ka kaulana i waena o nā keikikāne. Wahi a nā nānā, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā keiki kāne e hōʻike ana i nā hiʻohiʻona o ke "keikikāne" maoli i kā lākou ʻano (I nā kaikamahine, ʻaʻole i emi iki ka pilina ma waena o ka hana a me ka kaulana). ʻO nā keikikāne wiwo ʻole pinepine o ka wahine wahine he mau pilina maikaʻi me nā kāne. ʻO nā keikikāne me ka pilikia o ke kāne ka mea maʻamau i hoʻopilikia pinepine ʻia e kā lākou mau hoa. ʻO nā keikikāne wahine, ma kahi e hiki ai i koʻu ʻike lapaʻau e ʻae iaʻu e hoʻoponopono, he mau pinepine ʻia kekahi o nā mea hoʻohewa ʻia e nā pedophiles e ʻike maopopo ana ua hoʻowahāwahā ʻia ke keiki kāne e ka poʻe hoihoi e hoʻowalewale ʻia.

6. Hoʻemi i nā pilikia kūpono. Hankau ka hapanui o nā keiki kāne i mua o nā kāneʻelemakule he mau keiki kāne maikaʻi. I kekahi hihia, i ka manawa e hoʻokūkū ai ke keiki i ka ʻano kūpono o ka wahine, ʻike ka makua o ke keiki, nā kumu a me nā mākua ʻē aʻe ua lilo ʻo ia i ʻoi aku i ka ʻoihana. Hōʻike lākou i ka emi ʻana o nā tantrums, nā kūpuna o ka naʻau, a me kahi kaʻawale.

7. Ke hoʻomaikaʻi nei i ka pilina me ka makuakāne. Hōʻike nā mākua ua hōʻea ke keiki no kona makuakāne, makemake pū me ia a hauʻoli i kāna hui.

8. "E hauʻoli ana ʻo ia i ke keiki." Manaʻo nā mākua e haʻaheo ko kā lāua keiki kāne i ke keikikāne - e hana like me nā keiki āpau, a hana maikaʻi. Hāpai kēia iā ia i kahi ʻoluʻolu no ka mea ʻo ia kekahi o nā kāne. Ua wehewehe ʻo Kauka George Rekers i ka hopena o ka mālama ʻia ma mua o ka kanalima o nā keiki me RHI i loaʻa mau loli i ka ʻike wahine. Ua manaʻoʻiʻo nā ʻelers ua kōkua ka pale ʻana i ka pale ʻana i ka hoʻokumu ʻana o ka transvestism, transsexuality, a me kekahi mau ʻano o ka male o ka male.³.

Kauka pū kekahi ʻo Kauka Zucker lāua ʻo Bradley e kūleʻa ka ʻoihana RGI:

I ko mākou ʻike, he nui nā keiki a me ko lākou mau ʻohana e hoʻololi nui nei. Ke kuhikuhi nei mākou i kēlā mau hihia kahi i hoʻoponopono piha ʻia ai nā pilikia o RGI, a ʻaʻohe mea i loko o ka hana a nā keiki a me nā moemoeā e ala ai e ʻōlelo nei he pilikia nō nā pilikia ʻike kāne.

Hāʻawi i nā mea āpau, pili mākou i ke kūlana e pono ai ke koʻikoʻi ka mea lapaʻau, a ʻaʻole hōʻole i ka manawa e kōkua i nā keiki e hoʻokō i ka hilinaʻi o ko lākou ʻano wahine.

ʻO nā mea noiʻi ʻē aʻe e hōʻike ana i ke kūleʻa a me nā keikikāne wahine e ʻōlelo ana i nā ʻoihana kūpono ke kōkua i nā keiki e hoʻomaopopo i nā kumu no ko lākou ʻano cross-gender a hoʻoikaika i nā hōʻailona o ka masculinity. ʻO kā lākou ala, e like me kā mākou, e pili ana i mua o ka mea lapaʻau, hoʻokahi me ke keiki o ke ʻano, ʻo ia ka mea e koi i ke kōkua o ka makua kāne o ke keiki. Hoʻokomo pū lākou i ka ʻohana o kahi keiki a me nā hui ʻōpiopio i ka ʻoihana.

Ke hele nei ma o ke kaʻina hoʻololi

Makemake mākou e kaʻana like i nā hopena o nā lāʻau no nā keiki me nā pilikia wahine, ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā kope o nā hihia maoli. ʻAʻole i koho ʻia kēia mau hihia ma ke kumu o ka kūleʻa; e hōʻike ana i nā hiʻohiʻona maʻamau o nā ʻohana e kū pono ana i ka holomua a me nā hemahema. ʻO nā kumu hoʻohālike a pau i hōʻike ʻia no ke keikikāne i pili i ka manaʻo kūlike o ka kāne like a me ka hopohopo i ko lākou mau mākua.

Ke lana nei ko mākou heluhelu ʻana, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohālikelike i ke ʻano o kāu keiki a me kona kūleʻa. Ua lawe ʻia kēia mau keiki kāne āpau i koʻu keʻena ma muli o ke ʻano ʻino o ke kāne. Ua hoʻi aku ko lākou mau mākua no ka maʻi ma hope o ka hopena ma kahi mau makahiki ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka mālama ʻana.

Hoʻomaopopo ʻo ka pahuhopu o ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hōʻemi i nā manaʻo o ke keikikāne he ʻokoʻa a he ʻokoʻa paha kona mau keiki. Hoʻopili kēia i ka hiki ke hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi ʻano heterosexual maʻamau, ʻoiai hiki ke hoʻokolokolo ʻia ma hope o hoʻokahi a ʻelua mau makahiki i hala.

Tommy: ka mea e pono ai ka hoʻonui no ko mākou manaʻo hoʻonui

ʻO kahi aʻe kahi kahi i paʻi ʻia me ka makuahine o ke keiki kāne me nā pilikia kāne, i mālama ʻia i kekahi mau makahiki ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana. Hiki i kēia keikikāne ke hōʻeha nui i nā wahine wahine a manaʻo maikaʻi loa. ʻO nā pilikia i ka hoʻopili ʻana me ka manaʻo pono ʻole iā ia iho e hoʻonāukiuki iā ia, ʻoiai hiki iā Tommy ke ʻae iā ia iho e hoʻokō i nā manaʻo pili i nā kāne a me nā kaikamahine.

Kauka Dr. ʻO ka hope aku nei ʻoe ma kēia keʻena i ʻehā makahiki i hala. Pehea kāu keiki e hana nei i kēia manawa?

Mālama: I nā mea āpau, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi. Ua emi iki ʻo Tommy ma ke ʻano leo, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kapa hou ʻia he ʻano wahine.

Kauka Dr. Pehea ka manaʻo o kāu keiki ma waena o nā keikikāne?

Mālama: Eia naʻe, ua loli iki ka liʻiliʻi ma ʻaneʻi.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻonui?

Mālama: ʻAʻohe. ʻO ka pilikia, ua minamina ʻo ia i kekahi o nā keiki āna i hoʻāʻo ai e hoaaloha i ka wā ʻaʻole lākou i pane aku iā ia. Hoʻokiʻo ʻo ia e kāhea aku iā lākou a ke kamaʻilio ʻana me lākou ma ke kula. He ʻano ʻē kāu e hoʻi mau ai i ka wā o kona hoʻohuli ʻana, he kuhi.

Kauka Dr. He mau hoaaloha kona?

Mālama: ʻO Marianne, he kaikamahine mai kā mākou alanui. He mau hoa aloha maikaʻi aʻe. E aloha aku i ke Akua, ʻaʻole ia e like me ka wā ma mua, i ko lākou ʻike pinepine ʻia kekahi i kekahi.

Kauka Dr. Pololei. Hoʻomaopopo wau i kāna ʻano hana maikaʻi loa, ua lilo ʻo Tommy i ka nui o ka manawa me ia.

Mālama: Ka. ^ Na Ua ʻae ʻo ia iā Marianne e mālama iā ia i ka ʻoihana a kauoha. Hoʻoholo pinepine ʻo ia me kēia hoʻonohonoho, ʻoiai ʻo ka mālama ʻana iā ia, alakaʻi i kahi e hele ai a me nā mea e hana ai. No laila ʻaʻole wau i ʻike i ka maikaʻi kēlā pili i loaʻa iā ia.

Kauka Dr. He aha kona pilina me nā kime?

Mālama: He hoaaloha ʻole kāna, akā ʻaʻole au e ʻike i ka pili loa aʻu i makemake ai e ʻike, ʻoiai, ua manaʻo kēia keiki i kaʻu keiki ʻo ia ʻo kāna hoaaloha maikaʻi loa. I ka wa e noho kaʻawale wale ana lākou, ua ʻōlelo iki ʻo Tommy. Pūnū ʻo ia. Holo holo aku kekahi keikikāne ʻōlelo aʻe penei: "ʻoi aku wau."

ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoiai ua hala aku ka wahine, makemake hou ʻo Tommy i ke kōkua no ka mea ʻo kāna penchant no ka pilina i hiki ai iā ia ke kauoha. Manaʻo wau e hāʻawi koʻu makuahine iā ia i kahi hui a hāʻawi i kahi hana i hiki iā ia

alakaʻi a kōkua i nā keiki ʻōpio, e hoʻonui i ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho a hoʻonui i ka noʻonoʻo iā ia iho. Hiki ke kōkua pū kekahi lāʻau lapaʻau me kahi psychotherapist kāne.

"Tim": ua lilo ka makuakāne i kahi aloha i hiki iā ʻoe ke kūkā

Ma muli o ka ʻike ʻana o ko makuakāne ʻo ko kāna keikikāne me nā pilikia o nā kāne, ua nui loa ka nānā ʻana a hoʻomaka e hoʻolilo iā ia i kahi manawa hou aku.

Ka Makua: I ka makahiki i hala aku nei, ua lilo wau i mea nānā: Ke hoʻāʻo nei au e ʻike pehea e kamaʻilio aku ʻo Tim me nā hoa like, nā keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine, pehea kona ʻano i nā kūlana like ʻole. ʻO kā lākou kula he kahua pāʻani koʻikoʻi, a ua kōkua wau e kūkulu hou i nā kū. Ua makemake wau iā Tim, nā keiki āpau, kā lākou mau keiki i nā hana kūkulu nui, a ua hoʻokokoke au i ka hoʻokokoke ʻana i kaʻu keiki. Ua hauʻoli māua iā mākou. Ua hoʻāʻo wau e hana i kēia ma mua, akā ʻaʻole i hōʻike ʻo Tim; Manaʻo wau ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hōʻalo i ka manaʻo ʻole ia e piʻi i ka pā.

Mālama: E hoʻohui nō wau i kekahi mea, ʻo Jack. Manaʻo wau i kekahi mea hou aʻe ma hope o kēia no kaʻu keiki. Manaʻo wau ua hōʻole ʻo Tim iā ʻoe a me nā mea a pau e pili pū me ʻoe.

Kauka Dr. ʻO kēia ke pale kū'ē i kahi manaʻo o ka haʻahaʻa. ʻO ke kūlana o ka ʻoiʻoi loa ka mask ma hope o kāna hūnā ʻana i ka manaʻo haʻahaʻa.

Ka Makua: ʻAʻole paha ʻoe. Ua manaʻo ʻo ia: "Inā wau e hāʻawi i koʻu makuakāne e like me ia, a laila pono wau e ʻae i ka ʻike a hiki ʻole iaʻu ke ʻae i kēia kiʻi. Akā i kēia manawa ua hiki iaʻu ke hoʻoikaika e like me ia; no ka mea hiki iaʻu ke hoʻokō i kēia. " I kēia manawa i ka kamaʻilio pū me kaʻu keiki kāne, ʻike hou wau i kēia a keu. Inā hoʻāʻo wau e kamaʻilio iā ia e pili ana i nā mea a mākou e kamaʻilio nei i kēia manawa, i hoʻokahi makahiki i hala aku nei, e palupalu a hāloʻo ia.

Kauka N.: Ke hāpai nei kēia ʻano i ka pākeke. Nui nā gays, e like me ka ʻike ʻia mai nā puke moolelo gay, e ʻōlelo nei e hoʻokiʻekiʻe ka homosexuality iā lākou ma mua o nā kāne maʻamau. He poʻe mālamalama lākou, ua loaʻa i kahi hiki ʻike; a ʻo ke kanaka maʻamau he hana paʻahana maʻamau. Akā, ma ka manawa like, ma ka manawa like, ua maʻa lākou i ke ʻano o nā kāne i manaʻo a lākou e hoʻowahāwahā ai. He kūlana kūleʻa kēia e hele nei i kēlā mau makahiki luhi i ka pōʻino o kāu keiki i hakakā ai me kāna mau kahele. Ua hoʻāʻo ʻoe e hōʻike i kēlā ua pōleʻo ia, ʻo ia kekahi o kēia mau kāne.

Ka Makua: ʻAe, mai kēia manaʻo i ka haʻahaʻa loa a me ka hiki ʻole ke hoʻokomo ʻia i loko o ke ao o nā kāne a mākou e makemake ai e pale. Akā ma mua, ʻaʻole makemake ʻo Tim e hōʻike iā ia iho. Malia paha, e like nō paha iā ia ke wehe a hōʻike i ka mea i loko o kona ʻuhane, a laila ʻike hou ka pā: "ʻEa eia hou! ʻO ia, ʻaʻole lākou e mālama ", a i ʻoleʻAʻole lākou i maopopo i ka mea aʻu e hoʻāʻo nei e haʻi iā lākou.

Ua ʻike ʻia iaʻu: i ka wā e wehe ai ʻo Tim a makemake ʻo ia e kamaʻilio, pono wau e hoʻolohe pono iā ia. ʻAʻole kēia ka manawa e heluhelu ai i kahi makasini a nānā i ke TV, ʻoiai inā he papahana kahi aʻu e makemake nui nei e nānā. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi e hāʻule i nā mea āpau a hoʻolohe, ʻo ia kaʻu mea i hoʻomaopopo ai. Inā ʻaʻole pili koke, pili ʻo ia.

I kēia manawa ua hele mai ia iaʻu a nīnau aku: "He hana maʻamau wau inā hana wau?" Ma nā ʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ua nīnau mai ʻo ia iaʻu e ʻano e like me ke kāne. A ke lawe nei au i koʻu manawa e wehewehe ana i ke kumu he mea pono ʻole ke ʻano e lawelawe i loko o ka pōʻai o nā hoaaloha inā makemake ʻo ia i nā kāne ma ke kula e mālama maikaʻi iā ia. Ke kuhikuhi aku nei wau iā ʻoe e noho i kēlā me kēia mea. A i ke kamaʻilio ʻana me aʻu e like me ka mea me ia, ua paʻi wau i ka lau ʻana, ua heluhelu wau ma kona mau maka: "ʻAe, e ka makuakāne, e hoʻāʻo nō wau."

ʻAʻole wau i haʻi pololei iā ia i ke kumu o kona loaʻa ʻana o kēia mau pilikia me nā keikikāne i ke kula. Ano, ke huli nei wau ia ia me ke aloha, ma ke kumu a me ka makua kāne, a ʻōlelo aku: "Inā makemake ʻoe e ola ʻole kahi hōʻeha a me ka ʻeha, pono ʻoe e aʻo: aia kekahi mau mea i ʻae ʻia, akā ʻaʻole mau manaʻo. Aia kekahi ʻano e lawe ai i kāu ʻeha wale. "

ʻAʻole wau i ʻike hou i nā ʻano a me nā ʻoluʻolu ʻole. Ma mua oʻu he ʻōpiopio ʻōpio ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o kahi i manaʻo ʻia e ia manawa. Ua like ia me ka lawe ʻana i kahi puke, e hoʻohuli ana i nā ʻaoʻao a hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo paha: "Well, maikaʻi!" A hoʻomau ka holomua.

ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka wehe ʻana i nā kiʻi wahine ʻaʻole ia ka mea nui, akā ke kau ʻo ia i kahi ʻano ʻokoʻa, he ʻano ʻokoʻa nā mea e pili ana iā ia a ʻano ikaika ʻo Tim iā ia e ʻike ʻē.

Evan: ʻo ka hoʻāʻo ʻana o ka makuakāne e hōʻola i nā pilina

ʻO ke keiki a kona makuakāne, nāna i hele mai e kamaʻilio me aʻu, ʻo Evan, ʻekolu mau makahiki i hala aku nei, i ka makahiki he ʻumikumamākolu, ua komo i loko o ke kelepona ʻana me ka mea kōkua ma kahi hoʻomoana o ke kauwela.

Kauka Dr. I koʻu wā liʻiliʻi ʻo Evan, he ʻokoʻa ia i kāu mau keiki?

Ka Makua: ʻAʻohe kānalua. Ua ʻike pololei au i nā mea pāʻani a Evan e koho ai. A he keiki huakaʻi ʻole loa ʻo ia, ʻoluʻolu a pili hoʻi i ke ʻano. Ua manaʻo mākou iā ia he mea hana a pili hoʻi. I kona wā ʻelemakule, hoʻomaka mākou e ʻike i kahi mea hoihoi i nā mea ʻole i loko o kā mākou moʻomeheu i manaʻo ʻole he keu.

Kauka Dr. He mea ʻeha paha?

Papa: ʻAʻole ia no ka mea he nui mākou i ka mea hana i ko mākou ʻohana, a ua hoʻāʻo mākou e ʻike ʻo wai e ulu ʻo ia. ʻAʻole loa au i manaʻo e wiwo ʻole kaʻu keiki a hoʻomaʻamaʻa paha. Ma hope loa iho, i ka wā i ʻike ai mākou i ka makemake i nā mea gay, ʻo ia i kūkulu ai i kona wā e hele aku ai i ka ʻōpio, ʻike wau he mea pono ia e hoʻokaʻawale i ke ʻano keiki.

Kauka Dr. He aha kāu mea e hana ai?

Ka Makua: ʻAʻole wau e paʻa loa i ka picky i nā kikoʻī. ʻAʻole hiki iā ia ke pana ʻia e hana i kahi mea e like me kēia, a i ʻole ke ʻole, ʻoiai ʻo ia ka mea he kula nui. Ua huhū nui ʻo Evan i kona hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻia. ʻAʻole kēia i hōʻeha i kekahi o kaʻu mau keiki, akā ua kaumaha ʻo ia. A no laila ʻike ʻia kahi hakahaka ma waena o mākou, ʻo ia i mau makahiki i hoʻopilikia ʻia i kā mākou pilina.

He mea hilahila ua nui ia i koʻu mau makahiki e hoʻomaopopo ai: ʻaʻole i lawe kaʻu keiki i ka hoʻopiʻi “kālai, mai palū. ʻOi aku ma mua o ka poʻe ʻē aʻe, pono ʻo Evan e ʻike i ka pane ʻana o kona makuakāne, hiki ke uē, hiki ke hoʻolohe a me ka ʻōlelo e: "E kamaʻilio e, pehea kou manaʻo" ma ka "No laila, e kamaʻilio mākou! E ola! "

Kauka Dr. He aha kāu makemake no kāu keiki?

Ka Makua: ʻO ka hapa nui, ke manaʻolana nei au e loaʻa ai iā ia ka maluhia i loko o kona ʻuhane, e aʻo e hoʻomaikaʻi ʻo ia iā wai. ʻAʻohe nūnū a me ka pilikia ʻole āna i manaʻo ai i kēia manawa, ke manaʻo wau e ola ʻo ia. A no ko mākou ʻohana ka poʻe Kristiano, ke manaolana nei nō hoʻi wau e hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia i ka makemake o ke Akua e pili ana i kona ola.

Kauka Dr. Akā, inā he lā kahi e hiki mai ai iā ʻoe a ʻōlelo ʻo ia: "E Pāpā, e Pa. Ua ho'āʻo wau e hoʻololi. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu, a he hoʻomau kāne lā. ” He aha lā kāu e hana ai?

Ka Makua: Inā ehaeha paha iaʻu e lohe i kēia, akā e aloha wau iā ia, ʻo kaʻu e haʻi ai.

Kauka Dr. E hoʻomau anei ʻoe i ka pilina?

Ka Makua: ʻAno maoli. Pehea e hiki ai iaʻu ke pāpā aku iā lākou? ʻO kā māua keiki.

Kauka Dr. Pololei E noho mau kā mākou keiki i kā mākou keiki.

Ka Makua: I kēia manawa, ua uwē mākou ma mua o ka manawa hoʻokahi, a ninini ʻo Evan i koʻu ʻuhane. Ua haʻi mai kēlā iaʻu i kāna mea e hana nei. I ka hoʻolohe ʻana iā ia, ʻike wau i nā mea he nui aʻu i hana ai ma ke aloha, ʻike ʻokoʻa loa ia. Ua weheweheʻo Evan iā lākou he mea hoʻohewa lākou.

Kauka Dr. He aha ka hōʻailona o kahi pilikia iā ʻoe?

Ka Makua: I koʻu wā'ōpiopioʻo Evan, ua ʻike wau ua ʻeha ʻo ia. Ua manaʻo ʻo ia iā ia ʻaʻole aloha a ʻike i loko ona. ʻAʻole wau makemake iā ia. A laila ma laila kahi hanana i hoʻohua ai me kahi mentor mai kahi hoʻomoana, i lilo i mea paʻakikī maoli loa. I koʻu hikiʻana i kaʻu keiki, ʻike wau i ka paʻakikī nui e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ia e aloha nui ana iaʻu a makemake wau i kona ola. He mea paʻakikī kona manaʻoʻiʻo.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole hiki iā ia ke ʻae i ka mea āu i ʻōlelo mai ai?

Ka Makua: ʻAe, uwē nui pū nō mākou me ke kāhea.

Kauka Dr. E noʻonoʻo iā ia he paʻakikī.

Ka Makua: Maʻeha loa ka lohe ʻana i ke kaua o kāu keiki. He pōʻino loa kēia hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke wehe i nā ʻeha a pau, nā hoʻomanaʻo maikaʻi, nā hemahema i kuhikuhi ʻia iā ʻoe i kēia manawa, akā hiki iā ʻoe ke holoi wale iā lākou mai kāu hoʻomanaʻo ʻana.

Kauka Dr. Nui wale nā ​​mea e kamaʻilio ai. pākahi a kaua e like me ka makua e makemake ai e poina, pololei?

Ka Makua: I kēia manawa, hiki iā mā wau ke kamaʻilio me Evan no kēia, ʻoiai inā neʻuhane ʻo ia a ua ʻino ʻo ia. ʻĀnō, i ka hapanui o nā hihia, ʻaʻole wau e hāʻawi i ka ʻōlelo aʻo a ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo e hoʻonā i ka pilikia. Hoʻolohe wale wau a hoʻokuʻu iā ia i koʻu mau manaʻo a huhū paha iaʻu, a inā e huhū mai ʻo ia iaʻu, ʻaʻole wau e pale aku iaʻu.

Kauka Dr. He aha nā ʻōlelo āu e hāʻawi ai i nā makuakāne o nā ʻōpio?

Ka Makua: Ua laki mākou ʻaʻole makemake ka keiki a ka pelekane. Hoʻololi loa ia. Akā eia kēia, kekahi mau makahiki ma hope o kēlā hanana kolohe, a ʻike mākou ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻopaʻa koke ʻia kēia mea.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻohe mea e loli koke.

Ka Makua: E hiki kekahi manawa a ʻōlelo ʻoe e: "ʻAʻohe mea kōkua; ʻaʻole ia e loli "a me nā manawa ke maopopo iā ʻoe ke kūʻokoʻa nei ka pilikia. I kēia mau lā, ʻōlelo ʻoe iā ʻoe iho: "E hana ana, hoʻomaikaʻi aku i ke Akua. ʻO kaʻu keiki he heterosexual! " No laila, e ʻōlelo wau i koʻu mau mākua: "E ʻike, e lōʻihi kēia, a hiki i ke kūlana ke hōʻeha nui i ke ʻano ma mua o ka holo maikaʻi ʻana."

Ke nānā nei i hope, ʻike wau ʻaʻole ia no ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā ʻano maikaʻi. ʻAʻole e hāʻule i ka "ʻAʻole makemake wau e hele ʻo Evan e like me ia" a ʻaʻole wau "makemake wau iā ia e hoʻopalike i kona lima e like me kēlā."

Kauka Dr. ʻOiaʻiʻo nō. ʻOi aku ka nīnau i ka hohonu.

Ka Makua: ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, inā e hauʻoli ʻo Evan, e hōʻoluʻolu iā ia iho, me ka maluhia me ia iho. Ua ʻike ʻo ia i nā koho āna i kū ai a makemake ʻole e pili i nā kāne like ʻole. Ua hoʻomaikaʻi nui kā mākou pilina me ia. Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei au i kēia manawa ua hiki ke maopopo i kā mākou hana i nā mea āpau e waiho i ke kumu kūpono.

Simona: He Makua Pāua

ʻO Simon, ʻelima mau makahiki ma hope o ka hoʻomaka ʻana o kona mau mākua e hana i kekahi mea, ua hōʻaʻo ia i nā hiʻohiʻona wahine. Ua ʻōlelo kona makuahine, he haumāna maikaʻi ʻo ia, ua ulu aʻe ʻo ia. ʻAʻole nō ʻo ia i ʻike ʻole ʻia i nā mumū leo, a ke waiho nei kāna pilikia wahine. Akā, hoʻokuʻu ʻia ka makuakāne o Simon, a, e like me ka hihia o Tommy, ke paʻakikī mau nei ke keiki me ka paulau ʻana iā ia iho.

Kauka Dr. E Mrs. Martin, pehea kou makahiki i kāu keiki?

Mālama: He umikumamalua.

Kauka Dr. Manaʻo paha ʻoe ua lilo ʻoi i wahine?

Mālama: ʻAʻohe kūpono. ʻAʻole wau e ʻike i ke ʻano wahine i loko ona. I kona wā ʻōpiopio, ua like ka ʻano ma ke kapa, ʻano, a me ka makemake i ka hula. Ke hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻomanaʻo, ua lōʻihi ia.

Kauka Dr. Maikaʻi. Pehea ka hilinaʻi ʻana iā ia iho?

Mālama: ʻAʻole naʻe ʻo ia i ka ʻāpono ʻole ʻia, ʻaʻole ia ma kona ʻano, akā ua mālama ʻo ia i nā mea aʻo e hōʻeuʻeu iā ia, hiki ke honi i ka hilinaʻi iā ia, e kōkua iā ia e hoʻokumu iā ia iho. Ua hoʻāʻo wau e koho i nā mea hoʻomaʻamaʻa nona a he hui no ka papa.

Kauka Dr. Ke manaʻo nei ua emi ka hopohopo a me ke kaumaha o Simon?

Mālama: ʻAʻohe kānalua. ʻAʻole wau i ʻike hou iā lākou.

Kauka Dr. A he aha ma mua?

Mālama: Hoʻomanaʻo wau i kekahi mau makahiki i hala, ua maopopo ka pīhoihoi. A ʻikea nui ʻia i ka wā i hele ai ʻo ia i nā papa, kahi i kū pū ai nā keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine. ʻO ia ka manawa i ʻike mua ai au ua paʻakikī iā ia e kamaʻilio me nā keiki ʻē aʻe. E uē ana, kānalua. Makemake ʻo ia e noho pū me aʻu.

Kauka Dr. Ua ʻoi aku kona hilinaʻi ma mua o ia manawa?

Mālama: ʻIke maopopo iaʻu ua hilinaʻi kaʻu keiki i kekahi mau wahi. ʻO ka hōʻikeʻana, i nā haʻawina, ʻo ia ma mua o nā keiki ʻē aʻe. Ua hoʻokuʻu ʻia ʻo ia ma kahi kāleka hōʻike, a no ka hapa nui o nā kumuhana he i loaʻa iā ia ka helu kiʻekiʻe loa. He mea maʻalahi ke aʻo ʻana iā ia. ʻAʻole wau i ʻike hou aku i ka hemahema, ʻoiai mai ia manawa ke kahakaha nā intonations keiki ma waena ona a pono wau e hoʻomanaʻo iā ia i kēia. No kona pae o ka hoʻomohala, ke kuleana nui a me ka mālama ʻana, ʻaʻoleʻo ia i ka wā ke hele mākou i kahi.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole wau e hoʻomanaʻo i ka pilikia ʻo Simon. Ua loli ʻē kekahi mea mai ia manawa aku?

Mālama: Ua hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi ʻo ia iā ia. Wehe a mālie. Ma hea kahi e lilo ai nā būlū, e nānā ʻo Simon a hoʻopili i ka ʻike.

Kauka N. Pehea nā mea me nā hoaaloha?

Mālama: He nui nā keikikāne e kāhea iā ia a nīnau mai pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i kā lākou home, no laila ʻike wau ke kamaʻilio pū ʻo ia me nā keikikāne ʻē aʻe a ua aloha lākou iā ia. Akā ke manaʻo nei wau iho he hōʻike ʻo ia i loko o ka mea i hōʻike ʻia ʻaʻole ia he haʻahaʻa kiʻekiʻe. ʻOiai ua aloha lākou iā ia, manaʻo wau e lilo ia i ka wahine, ʻoiai ʻo ia eʻai pū me nā keikikāne a hoʻokomo i ka haʻuki. ʻAʻoleʻo ia i hoʻokani pila, akā maikaʻi loa kāna hana. ʻ sayslelo mai ke kumu aʻoaʻo he hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia i nā mea āpau, no laila ua hāʻule nā ​​mea a pau i nā wahi.

Kauka Dr. He aha ka pilina o Simon me kona makuakāne?

Mālama: ʻAʻole naʻe. ʻAʻohe kaʻu kāne i aʻo i kekahi mea. Ua ʻoniʻaka ʻo ia iā ia, a ʻike wau ke pōʻino ʻo Simona i ka ʻokiʻoki ʻana. Ma hope o kēia, hele ke keiki i kona lumi a haʻalele i ka makua kāne i nā lā he nui. Pono ke kāne e hoʻomaopopo ia he pilikia, ʻaʻole naʻe i ʻike. Nele ia i ka ʻike, a me ke aloha, a i ʻole.

Kauka Dr. E nānā ʻo ia i kēia? Ua maopopo iā ia ʻaʻole maʻamau kēia?

Mālama: ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole wau i manaʻo.

Kauka Dr. ʻO ia, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike i ka pilikia ... E wehewehe wau: i kekahi manawa pāpā mai kona makuakāne iā ia, a haʻalele ʻo Simona i ka pane a pale aku i kona makuakāne no ka manawa lōʻihi. ʻAʻole ʻike ka makuakāne i kēia a, no kekahi kumu, ʻaʻole makemake e hoʻāʻo a hoʻokumu i ka pilina me ke keikikāne?

Mālama: Ka. ^ Na Ua manaʻo wau i kēia nele o ke aloha. ʻO kaʻu hoʻomaka mua, ʻo ka makuahine, ʻo ia ke pale aku i kaʻu mau keiki. ʻO ia ke kumu i pilikia ai mākou i ka mare ʻana. I kēia manawa ʻaʻole wau e minamina e hoʻomanaʻo i kaʻu kāne. Pilikia ia iaʻu e ʻike i kaʻu keiki i kēia mokuʻāina, ʻaʻole wau makemake hou e hana hou me kaʻu kāne e pili ana iā Simon. Ua hōʻino mua mākou no kēia, a ua hōʻino kēia i kā mākou mare.

Kauka Dr. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i koi aku iā ia, a laila ...

ʻĀ makuahine: E noho mākou a pau ma ka home no ke koena o kā mākou ola, ʻaʻohe hana. ʻO ka mea wale a ke kāne e hana ai me nā keiki, e nānā ana lākou i ke TV, a ke nānā aku nei i nā mea oia iho manao ia. Ua like kaʻu kāne me kahi keiki kūʻokoʻa.

Hana nō ka makuahine o Simon i nā mea a pau e pono ai nona, akā ke makemake hou ke keiki i ke kumu hoʻohālike, a ke lana nei ko mākou manaʻo e lawe kekahi o ka ʻohana i ka makua kāne.

"Brian": ʻO ke aloha a me ka nānā aku o Papa e lawe ai i nā hopena

E like me ka ʻike a nā mākua o Brian, e pua maikaʻi ke keiki a ke poina ʻole kona makuakāne iā ia. A ʻo ke kī nui i kūleʻa mau.

Kauka Dr. E Mrs. Jones, ehia mau makahiki ʻo Brian i kēia manawa? ʻEhā mau makahiki i hala aku nei mai kāu kipa hope ʻana.

Mālama: He ʻumi ia manawa.

Kauka Dr. Pehea ʻoe e helu ai i lilo i ka wahine? He loli kekahi?

Mālama: ʻAe, a me nā mea nui. Aia kekahi mau hiʻona wahine. ʻO koʻu mau keiki ʻehā, ʻo ia ka wahine; akā, ʻaʻole ia e hana "e like me ke kaikamahine." E like me kā mākou e ʻōlelo nei, "hoʻōla e like me ke keiki kāne", "ke ʻano maʻamau." Manaʻo wau e paʻakikī ana ʻo ia me ka mea me kēia - ka mea, ʻo neʻe. I kekahi manawa ʻē aʻe mākou

e hoʻomanaʻo iā ia i kēia. Akā ʻike wau ua kūpono loa kāna ʻano, a no nā makahiki he nui.

Kauka Dr. Manaʻo ʻoe ke hoʻololi nei ʻo ia no ka mea ke ʻike nei ʻo ia ke ʻae ʻia ka ʻae ʻole ʻana, a no ka mea, ua nalowale loa paha ia i kona ʻano kūpono i mua o kona ʻano?

Mālama: ʻAʻole au ʻike i kekahi mea kūpono ʻole. He ʻano maʻamau ʻo ia, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole mākou i pili, ua hahai wau i kēia mau makahiki.

Kauka Dr. ʻO ia, e manaʻo nei, ua hoʻohaʻahaʻa ka ʻano wahine.

Mālama: ʻAe, keu.

Kauka Dr. Pehea ʻoe e helu ai i kona manaʻo ponoʻī? Hoʻomaopopo wau i kāna pilikia me ka haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa.

Mālama: Manaʻo wau e hakakā ʻo ia me kēia ola a pau. Ke ʻike nei au e holomua nei, akā no ia he kaua paʻakikī loa ia. I kekahi manawa hele mai ʻo ia a ʻōlelo mai iaʻu: "Manaʻo wau e lilo wau i kaulana" a "manaʻo wau e hiki paha iaʻu ke launa me kekahi kanaka." Lohe pinepine wau i kēlā. Ua ʻoluʻolu ʻo ia iā ia iho, aʻo nā keiki kāne ʻekolu aʻu e nīnau ʻole i kona kaulana.

Kauka Dr. E pili ana i kona hopohopo a me kona manaʻo kaumaha? He pilikia koʻikoʻi kēia no Brian, akā ʻo ka kaumaha.

Mālama: Aneane loa ʻo ia.

Kauka Dr. ʻOiaʻiʻo?

Mālama: ʻ Ilelo wau i ka makahiki i hala ua ʻike pinepine wau iā ia. E kūlele paha ʻo ia i nā mumū kea. Akā ua hoʻomaopopo wau he keiki hoʻohālikeʻo ia. He kuhihewa ʻo ia, ua pāmaʻi i kona mau manaʻo a makemake wau e kūkā pū me kāna mau manaʻo, ʻaʻole me ka makuakāne. Akā ʻaʻohe kaumaha. ʻAʻole au ʻike i nā mea like me ia. E ʻōlelo wau ua hauʻoli nui ʻo ia.

Kauka Dr. Nani. E kamaʻilio e pili ana ke kamaʻilio ʻana o Brian me nā kime. Pehea ʻoe e hana ai me kēia?

Mālama: Ke kānalua naʻe ʻo ia i nā hoa pili a pili ʻole. ʻOiai ua ʻike ʻia kekahi i kekahi, e kōkua iā Brian, ua lilo wau i alakaʻi o nā kiʻoniʻi, i hiki ai iā ia ke kono i kā i kahi hui o nā keiki kāne he ʻumi ma ka hale i hoʻokahi manawa ma ka hebedoma.

Kauka Dr. Ua hana ʻē paha ʻoe?

Mālama: ʻAe, a hoʻomau wau a hiki i kēia lā, no laila ma kā mākou hale e loaʻa mau ai nā keiki kāne.

Kauka Dr. Ke kamaʻilio anei ʻo ia me lākou?

Mālama: I ka wā mua, i ka wā i hoʻomaka ai au e alakaʻi i ka pūʻulu Boy Scout, ʻaʻole, akā i kēia manawa ke ʻōlelo nei wau. Ua hoʻomaka wau e alakaʻi iā ia i ka wā he ʻewalu ona, a pono wau e ʻōlelo, he ʻuʻuku ʻo ia. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i loko o kaʻuʻaoʻao, akā ua kōkua ʻo ia iaʻu e launa me nā keiki kāne he ʻumi i hele mai i o mākou, a me ka hōʻoluʻolu.

Akā ʻike wau i kāna mau mea paʻakikī e pili ana i ka kaulana. No nā makahiki i hala iho nei, ua ho'āʻo ikaika ʻo ia e hoʻolako ma nā kula. Holo akula ʻo ia i ka home me ka ʻōlelo: "He hoaaloha hou koʻu!" Ua kāhea aku kekahi mau keikikāne iā ia, a ʻōlelo mai ke kumu he kaulana loa ʻo ia ma ke kula. Akā he mea paʻakikī ʻo ia e paʻakikī iā ia.

I ka makahiki i hala, ua hoʻouna mākou iā ia i ka ma ka pôpeku a ua inaina ʻo ia i ka pôpeku. No laila mākou e hoʻokuʻu i nā papa. Akā ʻo ia i noi hou inā hiki iā ia ke pāʻani i ka tennis a komo i ka hui tenis. Ua haʻi mākou iā ia "ʻoiaʻiʻo." Ua nīnau mua ʻo ia i kahi mea like. ʻAʻole makemake wau e ʻōlelo e like me ia e like me ka unsportsmanlike. ʻAʻohe ona hanohano o kona kino i kēlā manawa.

Kauka Dr. Maʻaneʻi, hiki iā mākou ke ʻōlelo i kahi holomua o ka holomua. He aha e pili ana i nā haʻahaʻa a me nā huhū huhū o Brian i mua?

Mālama: ʻO kēlā mau poʻo? Ua hala nā mea āpau.

Kauka Dr. Ua pau ...

Mālama: He wā weliweli loa i koʻu ola, he weliweli ʻo ʻehā makahiki. ʻO ka heluhelu ʻana i kaʻu mau leka i hana ia manawa, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu kahi mamao a mākou i hele ai. Aia i loko o kā mākou ʻohana i kahi haunaele piha. Ano, he mea kēia a pau o ka wā i hala.

Kauka Dr. ʻIke wau i ka mālama ʻana i kahi diary he mea maikaʻi loa i hiki i nā mākua ke hahai i nā loli. Ke noho nei mākou i kēia lā, ʻike nui ke kiʻi nui iā mākou. ʻO ka mālama ʻana i kahi diary e hāʻawi i nā mākua i ka manawa e ʻike i nā hopena o kā lākou hana ʻana.

Mālama: Uaʻoiaʻiʻo nō kēia. Ke hoʻomanaʻo nei i ka wā o koʻu ola me Brian i kona wā he ʻelua a ʻeono paha ona makahiki, hiki iaʻu ke haʻi pololei: he pōhoʻi maoli kēlā. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke kiʻi i ka moe i kekahi lā e like me ia ma mua. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole au i manaʻo e hiki iā ia ke komo i loko o ke kaiāulu a pēlā aku.

Kauka Dr. Ke hoʻomau nei ka makua kāne i ke kōkua?

Mālama: ʻAe, ke hoʻomau nei au iā ia ke poina iā ia. Ua poina ʻo Bill, akā i koʻu hoʻomanaʻo ʻana iā ia, ʻaʻole huhū ʻo ia no ka mea ʻike maopopo he mea nui kēia.

Kauka Dr. Hoʻopau pinepine ʻo ia iā Brian?

Ka makuahine: ʻAʻole like ma mua o koʻu manaʻo, pono, ʻO wau a ʻo wau kekahi i kūpaʻa mua ai i kēia.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole naʻe ʻo Bill i ʻike i nā hōʻikeʻike āu e ʻike ai? A ʻike 'ole paha iā ia akā' aʻole paha i ʻike i ka pilina o lākou a me kona komo ʻana i ka nohona o Brian?

Mālama: ʻO ka mea wale nō ia ma lalo o kona ihu a he maopopo maoli nō.

Kauka Dr. Ua kiʻi anei ʻo Brian i kona makuakāne?

Mālama: Ka. ^ Na ʻIke wau ʻoi ʻoi aku ke ʻano nui me ka makuakāne ma hope o kā lāua manawa noho pū ʻana. I nā huaʻōlelo aʻe, inā ʻo Pili lāua ʻo Brian i mau manawa pū, a pili ʻo Brian iā ia. Ua ʻike mākou a ʻike ʻia.

Kauka Dr. Mea maʻamau kēia. ʻO Brian kahi kiʻi maikaʻiʻole o kona makuakāne a me ka masculinity, nāna e hōʻike. Akā ma hope o ka launa pū ʻana me ka makuakāne, ua hoʻohuli ʻia ke kiʻi kūloko o ka "hewa" a i ʻole ka "makuakāne" hewa. Hiki mai kāna ʻike pololei i ke kue me ke kiʻi i hūnā ʻia ma ka subconscious.

Mālama: ʻLelo wau iā Bill ua like ia me ka "wailao" iā Brian. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻi pololei aʻe. Hāʻawi ʻo Bill iā Brian he "injection" nānā, a no nā lā ʻelua a ʻekolu paha haʻalele ʻo Brian i kona makuakāne. Akā, inā e palupalu ʻo Bill i kāna nānā ʻana, ua hala ia. ʻAʻole makemake ʻo Brian i nā injections nui, ua lawa ia i kēlā me kēia lā i ka lāe ma ka poʻohiwi, humā ʻia ʻo ia i nā ʻāʻī. Ma kēlā ʻuhane.

Kauka Dr. Pololei ʻO kēia ka mea kūpono. A ke ʻike nei ʻoe i ka pilina ma waena o ke ʻano effeminate a me ka hoʻonāukiuki ʻana o ka nānā aku a me ke aloha o ka makua.

Mālama: Ae, loa. E like me ka maalea. Paʻakikī ke wehewehe i kēia i kekahi.

ʻO Ricky: pili i ka masculinity

I ka makahiki ʻewalu ʻo Ricky, ua hana ʻo ia i nā hana nui i kēia mau makahiki i hala. Ke hoʻomau nei ka makuakāne me ke komo pū i loko, ʻo Ricky kahi pilina maikaʻi me kona kaikuaʻana, a hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi iā ia nā ʻokoʻa wahine.

Kauka Dr. E Mrs. Smith, ke manaʻo nei ʻoe ua hōʻemi ka wahine o Ricky mai ka mea ma mua?

Mālama: Kūpono kēlā. E ʻōlelo wau he mau moho helu i waiho ʻia mai ka pilikia.

Kauka Dr. Ke hana nei kou makuakāne i ka hana nui ma ka lā o Ricky?

Mālama: ʻAe.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻomaha i kēia?

Mālama: ʻAʻohe. Ua lilo ʻo ia i kuleana nui. Inā poina ia ia i kekahi manawa, hopu koke ʻo ia iā ia iho. He kūpono kūpono ia, a hoʻololi koke ʻo ia i kāna ʻano. Ua hoʻohana pinepine ʻo ia e kamaʻilio lapuwale, kuleana ʻole. Akā ʻo kēia manawa ke hopohopo kaʻu kāne i nā manawa a poina iā ia ʻo Ricky, a ʻike paha i kaʻu mau ʻōlelo ʻaʻole pilikia.

Kauka Dr. He mea koʻikoʻi loa kēia. ʻIke ʻoe, hana wau me nā mākua he nui, a hoihoi ʻoluʻolu hoʻi nā makuahine. Pono ka hapanui o nā kūpuna e hoʻoikaika ʻia e komo. A ʻo nā keiki i ʻoi aku ka pōmaikaʻi mau, ʻo lākou mau ka mea i pili maoli i kā lākou mau mākua.

Pehea kāna manaʻo ponoʻī? Aloha paha ʻo Ricky?

Mālama: He paʻakikī ia e ʻōlelo, no ka mea, ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike i kekahi mau pilikia. Hiki iā wau ke haʻi i ke ʻano ʻano a me ke ʻano wahine i nā mea i hala. Ua hoʻomaka mākou e hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā ia i nā aʻo ʻana o nā kāne, a no kēia ua lawe mākou iā ia e ʻauʻau. Makemake nui ʻia ʻo ia, a ʻauʻau hoʻi kona kaikaina. He hoihoi kēia no ka mea makemake ʻole au e ʻauʻau, a me ka peʻele ʻole wau ʻaʻole makemake. ʻOiai, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke kū i baseball! Ke nānā aku nei ʻo ia me kona kaikaina ma TV, a ua maʻi nui lākou.

Kauka Dr. E nānā nui kona makuakāne i kahi âlapa pôhili?

Mālama: ʻAʻole naʻe.

Kauka Dr. ʻO ia hoʻi, ke nānā nei nā kaikaina ʻelua i ke baseball.

Mālama: Ke nānā nei nā keikikāne i ke âlapa pôhili a ke hoʻokele nei i kekahi hana i ka hana o ka hana ma waena o nā mea. ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu pehea lākou i hana ai. Heluhelu lākou: noho lākou i ka papa ʻaina kīʻaha, heluhelu kaʻu kāne i kāna ponoʻī, heluhelu ʻo Ricky i kāna pono.

Kauka Dr. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo ua pālua?

Mālama: Malia paha. Ua hoʻohana ʻo ia i ka hoʻōla i nā keiki. Ua loli ka nui. I kēia kakahiaka aia nō i kahi haʻawina wehe ʻia. ʻAʻohe like ia me nā keiki ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole i hoʻolei ʻo ia i kekahi mau mea, a hōʻike i ka pākuʻi, i loaʻa ʻole ma mua. Makemake ʻo ia e ʻike, makemake ʻo ia e maopopo. No laila ua manaʻo wau ua ulu ʻo ia. E minamina ana au ʻaʻole au i ʻike i kahi pilina aloha me nā keiki kāne.

Kauka Dr. He aha e pili ana i ka hopohopo a me ke kaumaha paha? Ke nānā nei ʻoe i kahi mea like me ia?

Mālama: I kekahi manawa he kaumaha ʻo ia. Akā ʻaʻole kēia ka hopena piha loa i ka wā i kiola ai ʻo ia iā ia iho i ka moena a uwe nui ana. ʻAno o ke ʻano. ʻAʻole māua kēia ʻae.

Kauka Dr. Pehu anei ʻo ia e like ma mua? He kaumaha a hoʻoneʻe paha?

Mālama: ʻAʻole like ma mua. Inā loaʻa kēia, ʻo ia maʻamau ʻaʻole kumu. Ma muli o kekahi mea a i ʻole kikoʻī. Ke kamaʻilio nei ʻo ia iā ia.

Kauka Dr. Ua kūpono anei nā mea a pau me kona kaikuaʻana?

Mālama: Ua holomua ko lākou pilina. Hele pū lāua i ka ʻimi ʻana a ʻoi aku ka manawa hou. I nā lā āpau e hoʻomaʻamaʻa pū ai i ko mākou loko ʻauʻau. Hiki i John ke hōʻeha a hoʻolilo iā Ricky i kekahi manawa. Akā ua ʻelemakule ʻo John, no laila ua hiki iaʻu ke haʻi iā ia i kāna ʻano, a ua ʻike ʻo ia e pono ke ʻano ʻē me kona hoahānau.

Kauka Dr. Ke ʻōlelo nei anei ʻo Ricky e pili ana i ke keiki kāne? Ua kamaʻilio anei ʻo ia e pili ana i nā ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā keikikāne a me nā kaikamahine?

Mālama: ʻAe, no ka laʻana, ʻauʻau. I ka lā maʻa wale nei, ua hoʻokokoke mai lākou iaʻu i ka hui a nīnau mai inā e hāʻawi ana wau i kaʻu kaikamahine ʻo Sue e ʻauʻau. Hooho leʻaleʻa ʻo Ricky a ʻōlelo ʻo ia, "ʻAʻole, ʻaʻohe kaukau iā ia." Ua nīnau au: “No ke aha, ʻo Ricky?” ʻ: ʻo ia: "ʻAe, he kaikamahine kāna. ʻAʻole au makemake iā ia e hele pū me mākou. "

Pilipo: ulu ʻohi i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ia iho me ke kākoʻo o kona makuakāne

ʻO ka makuakāne o Pilipo, ʻo Julio, aia i loko o kāna kūlanakauhale he kumu hoʻokūkū aʻo kaulana. He ʻehā keikikāne i ko lākou ʻohana, pili pono nā mākua i nā hana Katolika koʻikoʻi. He mau keiki aloha a Pilipo hou nō ia; mai kona wā ʻōpio nui ua ala ʻo ia i noho malu, mālama a mālama ʻia hoʻi i kona poʻe hoahānau. I ka makahiki he ʻumikūmākahi, ʻaʻole ia i loaʻa i nā hoaaloha maoli ma ke kula, makemake nui loa ia i ka hale hana a me ka hana.

I ka wā i hele ai ʻo Pilipo i ke kula kiʻekiʻe, lilo ʻo ia i ka launa ʻole, pinepine ma ke ʻano kaumaha. ʻIke kona makuahine iā ia e kiʻi ana i ka porn porn mai i ka Pūnaewele a hana i kahi ʻōlelo me aʻu.

Ua makemake ʻo Julio i kāna mau keiki kāne āpau, akā ʻo kāna ʻoihana, no ka mea ua nalowale pinepine ʻo ia i nā ahiahi a i nā hopena pule ma nā pāʻani pôpeku a me ke aʻo ʻana, ʻaʻole ia i ʻae iā ia i ka hale i ka nui. ʻO nā keiki ʻekolu a Julio i hahai i nā wāwae wāwae o kona makuakāne, no laila ua hoʻomau mau lākou me kāna hui, akā ʻo Pilipo, kahi nui ka makemake o nā haʻuki, aia ma nā ʻaoʻao kaʻawale. ʻO ka pōmaikaʻi kūloko o kona makuakāne e like me ka mea mākaukau i hāpai i ka pahu i ko lākou ʻohana nui, ramified me nā hoahānau he nui a me nā hoahānau hānai, a ua manaʻo ʻia e hoʻokuʻi kāna mau keiki, ʻo Pilipo hoʻi i kēia kūlana kiʻekiʻe.

Ma hope o ʻekolu mau makahiki o ka lapaʻau, mahalo nui ʻia i nā hoʻoikaika ʻana o kona makuakāne, ua hoʻomaikaʻi nui ʻo Pilipo. He ʻumikumamāwalu makahiki, aia a ma ke kauka ʻana ʻo ia. Eia ko mākou kamaʻilio ʻana me ia.

Kauka Dr. E Pilipo, pehea ʻoe i kēia manawa me ke aloha kāne kāne?

Pilipo: ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi.

Kauka Dr. He aha ka mea i hoʻololi?

Pilipo: Manaʻo wau ua hiki iaʻu ke hoʻomaopopo: i kēia manawa āpau wau e male kāne kāne, akā ʻaʻole au i ʻae iaʻu e manaʻoʻiʻo iā ia.

Kauka Dr. ʻAʻole i ʻae?

Pilipo: Akā, ʻaʻole wau i maopopo i ka pilina o ke kāne. Ua manaʻo wau i nā manaʻo ʻeha mai iā ia. A he manaʻo haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa koʻu iaʻu. Ano, ua maopopo iaʻu ua pili mau wau i nā pilina kāne, ʻaʻole naʻe wau i ʻae i koʻu manaʻoʻiʻo i kēia.

Ma muli o kona mau manaʻo haʻalulu a hoʻokaʻawale, hoʻokau ʻo Pilipo i nā manaʻo kūʻiʻo ʻole i ka pilina kāne. Ua manaʻo ʻo ia mai kāna pili kīnā ʻole, nāna e koi i kāna mau manaʻo, ʻoiai he kanaka makua, ʻaʻole ia e hoʻokō i nā koi i ʻāpono ʻia. Ua hiki iā ia ke hōʻoia aku he mau hoaaloha maikaʻi a wehe ʻia lākou, akā he hilinaʻi hohonu hohonu a me ke aloha aloha, a me ka eroticism hoʻi, ʻaʻole ia he mea like loa i nā pilina kāne kāne maikaʻi.

Pilipo: Ke nānā aʻe nei, ʻike wau aia kekahi mau kānaka ma hope, akā ua peʻe wau i lākou mai lākou. Akā i kēlā manawa ʻaʻole wau i ʻike i kēia mau manawa. ʻAʻole wau i mākaukau e ʻike iā lākou.

Kauka Dr. Nāu wale nō ʻoe no ka mea ua manaʻo mau ʻoe: ʻaʻole loa e aloha ke kāne me aʻu.

ʻO ka makaʻu i ka hōʻole ʻana a me ka manaʻo o ka lapuwale i paʻi ʻia iā ia i ka ʻoihana pale.

Pilipo: ʻIke wau ua ʻokoʻa wau mai nā kāne ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu ... ʻO ke ʻano o kaʻu kamaʻilio ʻana, koʻu ʻano hoʻomākeʻaka, ʻokoʻa loa, no laila me he mea lā iaʻu.

Kauka Dr. Makemake like ʻoe i kekahi o lākou?

Pilipo: Hoʻolālā

Kauka Dr. ʻAuhea ʻoe e ʻike ai iā ʻoe iho, e ʻōlelo, i nā makahiki he ʻumi? Ke noʻonoʻo nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka wā e hiki mai ana ma kahi o ke ao gay?

Pilipo: ʻAʻohe oʻu hele ʻana i kahi ʻāina kamaʻilio. ʻIke wau ʻaʻole aʻu i hānau ʻia ka male. Ke nānā aku nei au iā lākou me he poʻe aloha ʻole ʻole e manaʻoʻiʻo nei ʻaʻohe ona koho. No laila, ʻoluʻolu wau no lākou.

Kauka Dr. I ia, ʻaʻole ia nou?

Pilipo: Pololei Ma nā hihia āpau, ʻaʻole ʻae ʻia kaʻu mau ʻōlelo kūlike i ka hana.

Kauka Dr. Pehea e wehewehe ai i kāu ola olakino?

Pilipo: ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi. ʻIke wau he kumu koʻu e hoʻokō ʻia, he hana e hoʻoponopono ʻia. Ke nānā nei wau i ka wā e hiki mai ana me ka manaʻoʻiʻo, ʻoiai ua ʻike wau he ala lōʻihi loa ia.

Kauka Dr. Pehea - pehea kou pilina me kou makuakāne?

Pilipo: A ʻo wau ʻo Papa lāua i pili loa i kēia mau makahiki ʻelima.

Nā manaʻo i nā mākua

Malia paha iā ʻoe ke ʻike maikaʻi i ka mea a kāu keiki e pono ai, a ua hoʻoholo ʻoe e hoʻopili a hoʻoponopono i kāna ʻano ʻano i kūlike ai ka wahine. E hōʻuluʻulu i ko mākou ʻike pōkole o ke kaʻina hana, e hōʻike mākou i nā ʻehā kumu nui i ʻike ʻia paha ʻoe:

1. No ka hoʻokō i ke kūpono o ka wahine a hoʻoikaika i ke keiki, e hoʻomanaʻo mau: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana ma mua o ka hoʻopaʻi. Inā makemake ʻoe e hoʻoneʻe i ke ʻano exaggeratedly wahine (a no ke kaikamahine - exaggeratedly boyish) ʻano, ʻoi loa ka maikaʻi o ka haʻi ʻana i kou ʻae ʻole maʻamau a me ke akaka, akā e pale aku i nā hana hoʻopaʻi. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, e hoʻoponopono ʻoluʻolu aku i ke keiki, akā ʻaʻole e hoʻopaʻi iā ia. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, inā ʻoe e nānā i ka hana kūpono ʻole o ka wahine ma o kou mau manamana lima a i ʻole hoʻowahāwahā wale ʻia me ka hoʻēmi ʻole, ua kuhi ke keiki i ka manaʻo hewa ʻole he mea maʻamau nā mea āpau.

2. Inā manaʻo ʻoe e kau nui ana i kāu kaukolo, hoʻoluʻu i kāu mau koi. E ahonui. E hoʻomaikaʻi aku no nā ʻuʻuku liʻiliʻi. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi koi aku akā, akā, ka mea hou aʻe, akā me ka nihihewa ʻole.

3. Inā loaʻa he manawa kūpono, hana me kahi mea lapaʻau au e paulele ai. Pono kēia ʻākana i hāʻawi i kou manaʻo i ka wahine a me nā pahuhopu o ka lapaʻau, kōkua iā ʻoe me ka loiloi ʻole a ka pale ʻole i kāu mau hana a me kāu ʻōlelo.

4. E hoʻomanaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole e hōʻoluʻolu ke keiki kāne a kāu kaikamahine a palekana i ka ʻano o ke ʻano wahine, inā ʻaʻohe kanaka e like me kā lākou ʻano kāne ma hope o lākou e hiki ke lawelawe i kahi kūlana kūpono no ka hōʻike ʻana i ka wahine. Pono ke keiki ma mua o kona mau maka he ʻano hoʻohālikelike o ke kāne me ka wahine - hoihoi a makemake.

Manaʻo wau e ʻae ʻoe i ka holomua nui i hoʻokō ʻia i ke ola o kēlā me kēia keiki kāne me nā pilikia ʻano maʻamau i haʻi ʻia nā moʻolelo ma luna. ʻOiai he mea pono ia e hoʻomau i ka hana ʻana i kekahi mau wahi, nā mākua aʻu i mālama ai ma mua o ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka lapaʻau, e hoʻomau nei e hoʻomau i ka hoʻonui ʻia ʻana o kā lākou mau keiki.

Ma ka paukū e pili ana, e heluhelu ʻoe e pili ana i nā keiki ʻē aʻe i hoʻomau ka hana o nā mākua i kā lākou wahine. E ʻike ʻoe i nā mea a lākou i hele ai, pehea lākou i kū ai i nā pilikia a me nā hopena i loaʻa iā lākou.

Joseph Nicolosi, PhD, pelekikena o ka American National Association for the Study and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), ka papa kauka o ka Thomas Aquinas Psychological Clinic ma Enchino, Kaleponi. ʻO ia ke kumu o nā puke Reparative Therapy o Male Homosexuality (Aronson, 1991) a me nā Cases of Reparative Therapy: Aronson, 1993.

Linda Ames Nicolosi ʻO ia ke poʻo o nā nūpepa ma NARTH, e hana pū ana me kāna kāne me kāna mau paʻi paʻi no ka iwakālua mau makahiki.

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