Dokotala wanzeru, psychoanalyst ndi MD, Edmund Bergler adalemba mabuku a 25 pa psychology ndi 273 m'magazini otsogolera akatswiri. Mabuku ake amakhala ndi mitu monga kakulidwe ka ana, ma neurosis, zovuta zam'banja, mavuto aukwati, njuga, kudziwononga, komanso kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Bergler adadziwika kuti anali katswiri wa nthawi yake pankhani ya kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Otsatirawa ndi zochuluka kuchokera kuntchito yake.

Mabuku aposachedwa komanso zopangidwa poyesera zayesa kufotokoza amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ngati osasangalala omwe akuyenera kuwachitira chifundo. Chidandaulo cha tiziwalo tamatumbo tachuma ndizosathandiza: amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zonse amatha kugwiritsa ntchito chithandizo chamisala ndikuchiritsidwa ngati akufuna. Koma kusazindikira kwa anthu ambiri kuli ponseponse pankhaniyi, ndipo kupusitsa kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha pongoganiza za iwo okha ndiwothandiza kwambiri kwakuti ngakhale anthu anzeru omwe sanabadwe dzulo anagwa chifukwa cha nyambo.

Zochitika zaposachedwa kwambiri zamaganizidwe ndi kufufuza kwatsimikizira kuti chiyembekezo chosasinthika cha anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha (nthawi zina chimafotokozedwanso chifukwa cha kupezeka kwachilengedwe ndi mahomoni) kwenikweni ndikugawanitsa kwa mitsempha. Chiyembekezo chazovuta zam'mbuyomu pang'onopang'ono zikusowa: masiku ano ma psychothernamic malangizo omwe amawongolera amatha kuchiritsa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Mwa kuchiritsa, ndikutanthauza:
1. kusowa chidwi kwathunthu pakati pa amuna ndi akazi;
2. chisangalalo chabwinobwino chakugonana;
3. kusintha kwamakhalidwe.

Zoposa zaka makumi atatu ndikuchita, ndidakwanitsa kumaliza chithandizo cha amuna zana limodzi (milandu ina makumi atatu adasokonezedwa ndi ine kapena kuchoka kwa wodwalayo), ndikuwalangiza pafupifupi mazana asanu. Kutengera ndi zomwe takumana nazo motere, ndimanena motsimikiza kuti kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuli ndi chidziwitso chabwino kwambiri chothandizira odwala matenda amisala kuyambira chaka chimodzi mpaka ziwiri, magawo atatu pa sabata, ngati wodwalayo akufuna kusintha. Zowona kuti zotulukapo zabwino siziri zochokera pamitundu iliyonse zimatsimikiziridwa ndikuti chiwerengero chambiri chamagulucho chachita zotsatira zofananazo.

Kodi tingathe kuchiritsa amuna onse ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha? - ayi. Zofunikira zina ndizofunikira, ndipo koposa zonse, kufunitsitsa kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti asinthe. Zofunika kuti muchite bwino:

1. cholakwa chamkati chomwe chitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito pochiritsa;
2. chithandizo chodzifunira;
3. osati machitidwe owononga ambiri;
4. zochizira zokonda zakugonana zenizeni za malingaliro ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha;
5. kusowa kwenikweni kwa kudalira kwathunthu kwa mayi;
6. kusowa kwa zifukwa zosalekeza zosungira kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ngati chida chankhanza motsutsana ndi banja lodedwa;
7. kusowa kwa mawu "ovomerezeka" okhudza kusachira;
   
8. luso ndi chidziwitso cha wasanthula.

1. Olakwa

Tikudziwa kuti malingaliro achisoni alipo popanda anthu onse ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ngakhale nthawi zambiri sizikudziwika ndipo, koposa zonse, ngakhale kukhala ndi moyo wosagwirizana sikungagwiritsidwe ntchito mwa mawonedwe. Funso limakhala kuti: limasungidwa kuti? Yankho ku chiletso ndilosavuta:,, monga lamulo, limayikidwa mu chisankho chazandalama, pangozi yeniyeni yakubwera ndi mikangano ndi anthu, ndi malamulo, ndi osokoneza. Kuzindikira kulakalaka chilango kumakhala kokwanira kwa iwo nthawi zambiri. Anthu otere safuna kuchoka pagulu lawo loyipa chifukwa chake samafunafuna chithandizo.
Kulakwa kwamkati kwa Gay kumakhala kovuta kwambiri. Kumbali imodzi, ngakhale kuti ndinalibe chikumbumtima chokwanira, munthu yemwe amagonana ndi amuna anzanga omwe amabwera kwa ine chifukwa cha zovuta zina adachiritsidwa chifukwa chogonana naye. Komabe, ngakhale kuti zimawoneka ngati zolakwa zambiri mwa wodwala m'modzi, sizinamuthandize. Sanapitirire kupitilira kukodzedwa kwamkati ndi mkazi. Chifukwa chake, ziyenera kudziwidwa kuti sitimamvetsetsa mokwanira kuyesa kogwiritsa ntchito kotheka kwa kugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro olakwikawa pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Mlandu wokhala ndi magazi owala kwambiri nthawi zambiri umakhala ngati chimango chogwirizana ndi wodwalayo pofuna kutsimikizira chikumbumtima chake chamkati: "Sindikusangalala nazo; Ndivutika. " Chifukwa chake, musanapange kulosera, pazokayikitsa, nthawi yoyesa mu 2 - 3 mwezi uyenera.

2. Chithandizo chodzifunira

Amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zina amabwera kudzalandira chithandizo chifukwa cha okondedwa awo, makolo kapena abale, koma mphamvu ya zolakalaka zoterezi sizikukwanira bwino. Zomwe ndakumana nazo, zikuwoneka kuti kwa ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha palibe chinthu chotere monga kholo lokondedwa kapena wachibale, kuti odwalawa ali odzala ndi mkwiyo wopanda pake wakumbuyo, udani wofanana ndi chizolowezi chodziwononga chokha. Ndili ndi lingaliro kuti kufunitsitsa kuyamba kulandira mankhwala ndi gawo lofunikira. Mwachilengedwe, mutha kuyesa kulimbikitsa kulakwa kwa mtundu wina wa mayesedwe, koma ndikupitilira kupewa izi kukhala zopanda pake.

3. Osati machitidwe owononga ambiri

Mosakayikira, kusasangalatsa kwa anthu, komanso njira zobisika komanso kudzitchinjiriza komwe amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakakamizidwa, ali ndi chinthu chodzidzudzula chomwe chimatenga gawo losadziletsa lochokera kuzinthu zina. Komabe, ndizodabwitsa kuti gawo lalikulu la umunthu wa psychopathic pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndilotani. M'mawu osavuta, ogonana ambiri amakhala ndi manyazi. Mu psychoanalysis, kusatetezeka uku kumawerengedwa kuti ndi gawo lamlomo wapakati pa amuna okhaokha. Anthu awa nthawi zonse amapanga zochitika zomwe zimapangitsa kuti azikhala osayenerera. Kuwona kupanda chilungamo kumene, komwe kumachitika komanso kupitilizidwa kudzera munjira zawo, kumawapatsa mwayi wokhala mkati mwaukali komanso odana ndi malo awo, komanso kudzimvera chisoni. Ndi chikhalidwe chobwezeretsera ichi chomwe sichikhala chamalingaliro, koma chozindikira kunja kwa dziko chimatcha amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti ndi "osadalirika" komanso osayamika. Mwachilengedwe, pamagulu osiyanasiyana azikhalidwe, izi zimakonda kudziwoneka mosiyanasiyana. Komabe, ndizodabwitsa kuti kuchuluka kwa amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuli bwanji pakati pa akatswiri ankhanza, ochita zachiwerewere, olakwira ena, olakwira mitundu yonse, ogulitsa mankhwala osokoneza bongo, otchova njuga, azondi, anyani, eni mabizinesi, ndi ena otero. "Makina oyamwa" a chitukuko cha kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi ongowonekera, ngakhale kuli kwakuti kuli ndi mbali zambiri zaukali. Kukula kwake komwe chizolowezi chodzivulaza chija chitha kupezeka mchiritsi zimatengera, mosakayikira, pazambiri zake, zomwe sizinakhazikitsidwe pakadali pano. Kuwona kuchuluka kwa ndalama zina za wodwala zomwe zimakuthandizani kuti muzitha kuyendayenda mwachangu. Mwanjira ina: Kodi wodwalayo amadzivulaza motani m'njira zina? Anthu "osawerengeka komanso osokonekera," monga mayi wa m'modzi mwa odwala anga amafotokozera mwana wawo wamwamuna ndi abwenzi ake, nthawi zambiri amakhala opanda ntchito ngati odwala.

4. Zithandizo zamankhwala pazomwe zimachitika pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha

Nthawi zina zimachitika kuti achinyamata omwe amakopeka ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo amakopeka amayambira kulandira chithandizo panthawi yomwe asankha kale kusintha kuchoka pazowoneka ngati zozizwitsa mpaka kuchitapo kanthu, komabe sanapeze kulimba mtima kuti achite. Chifukwa chake, kusanthula kumakhala kokhala kunja kwa iwo. Alibi ndikuti wodwalayo amadzitsimikizira yekha kuti ali mkati mwamankhwala, zimamupatsa mwayi kuti achire, ndipo zonse zomwe zikuchitika panthawiyi ndi gawo losintha. Chifukwa chake, wodwala wamtunduwu amazunza kusanthula kuti azindikire kupotoza kwake p. Mwachilengedwe, nkhani yake ndi yovuta kwambiri. Kuyamba kwa mchitidwe wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha panthawi ya kuwunikiraku kumayimira chinthu chosazindikira chamwano. Wodwalayo amadzudzula pakusamutsa kusamvana kwa chidani ndi kuchitidwa kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ngati nyama malinga ndi malingaliro amakhalidwe abwino. Kuyesa kulikonse kuwonetsera odwalawa kuti sitikuwawona ngati nyama, koma anthu odwala, kumatsekereza kusakhulupirira. Chifukwa chake, wofufuzayo amayesedwa, komwe kumatha kukhala kosasangalatsa, chifukwa banjali lidzamuneneza kuti wodwalayo wachita zachiwerewere chifukwa cha iye. Ngati wofunsayo akuwonetsa kukana kwamkati kapena kukhumudwitsidwa komwe wodwalayo akavomera kuyanjana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, chithandizo chake chimayenera kuonedwa ngati chopanda chiyembekezo. Wowunikirayo amangopatsa wodwala mwayi wofunikira kuti "am'phunzitse maphunziro".
Wodwala wamtunduwu adabwera kwa ine kuti andichiritse kleptomania, komanso anali ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Nthawi zonse ankakangana za ine monyinyirika, kunena kuti mkati ndimamuona kuti ndiwachifwamba, ngakhale ndimamuuza kuti ndimangomuyang'ana ngati wodwala. Nthawi ina adandibweretsera buku ngati mphatso ndipo adandiuza komwe adaba. Mwachiwonekere anali ndi chiyembekezo choti ndikalipa kwambiri zomwe zindichepetse. Ndinamuthokoza chifukwa cha bukuli ndipo ndinapenda kuti apende tanthauzo la mphatso yake yaukali. Zinatheka kutsimikizira wodwalayo kuti mwina izi bukulo liyenera kubwezeredwa kwa eni ake. Mayesero omwe amayesedwa ndi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amayamba ubale wotseguka nthawi yowunikira amatha miyezi isanu ndi umodzi ndiye chifukwa chake ndizovuta kwambiri kulekerera kuposa mlandu wa kleptomaniac. Izi zimayika katundu pazovuta, zomwe si aliyense amene angathe kupirira. Zochitika zimatiphunzitsa kuti ndizosavuta ngati wodwalayo alowa kale muubwenzi asanayambe chithandizo. Kuganiza kopanda chidwi kumeneku sikukhudzidwa ndi zaka za wodwala kapena nthawi yomwe amagonana. Mwanjira ina, ngakhale anthu atakhala kuti amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kwa zaka zambiri, pansi pazinthu zitatu zoyambirira, zimakhala zosavuta kusintha kuposa odwala omwe amalowa pachibwenzi nthawi ya kusanthula.

¹ Apa kugwiritsidwa ntchito kwamisala kwa mawu oti "kupotoza" kuyenera kukhala kosiyana ndi kotchuka; zotsirizirazi zikuphatikizapo matanthauzo a makhalidwe abwino, pamene kupotoza maganizo kumatanthauza kugonana kwa khanda kochitika mwa munthu wamkulu, zomwe zimatsogolera ku orgasm. Mwachidule - matenda.

5. Kupanda chidziwitso chenicheni
mayi wodalira

Ndikutanthauza milandu pamene mayi anali yekhayo mphunzitsi. Mwachitsanzo, kusudzulana koyambirira kwa makolo kapena bambo wopanda chidwi kwathunthu. Zoterezi zitha kuchitidwa nkhanza, ndipo pankhani ya kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, izi sizolimbikitsa.

6. Kupanda zifukwa zopitilizabe kusungabe kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ngati chida chankhanza kwa banja lodedwa

Pali kusiyana pakati poti nkhanza zachinyengo za banja (zowonetsedwa mwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha) ndi za "mbiri yakale" kapena zimagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati chida.

7. Kusowa mawu ovomerezeka okhudza kusachira

Ndikufuna kufotokozera zomwe ndikutanthauza mwachitsanzo. Zaka zingapo zapitazo ndinali ndi wodwala wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Zinali zinthu zosasangalatsa, chifukwa analibe mtima wofunitsitsa kuti athetse ziphuphu. Adalola mnzake wachikulire (yemwe anali wogulitsa mafakitale) kuti azisamba ndi mphatso, motero, anali pa njira ya uhule wamwamuna. Wodwalayo sanathenso kufikako, ndipo kukana kwake kunakuliraku atauza mnzake wothandizirayo kuti ali munthawi yamankhwala, zomwe adangokhala chete osalankhula. Mwamunayu adachita zinthu zomukhumudwitsa: mmalo mongoyesa kuletsa wodwalayo kuti apitilize kumulimbikitsa ndikuwopseza, ndi zina zotere - zomwe zimachitika kawirikawiri, - adamuwuza kuti amawononga nthawi, chifukwa psychoanalytic yapamwamba Atsogoleriwo adamuwuza kuti kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikuchiritsidwa. Adavomereza kuti zaka za 25 m'mbuyomu, iyemwini adachitidwa chithandizo ndi psychoanalyst wodziwika bwino yemwe miyezi ingapo pambuyo pake adamaliza kugwira naye ntchito, akunena kuti tsopano adayanjananso ndi kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo zina zambiri sizingatheke. Sindikudziwa ngati nkhani ya bambo wokalambayo inali yowona kapena yabodza, koma adamupatsa mnyamatayo zambiri zokhudzana ndi chithandizo chake kotero kuti wotsirizirayo adatsimikiza kuti wokalambayo akunena zoona. Mulimonsemo, sindinathe kutsimikizira wodwalayo kuti kupitiliza chithandizo ndikungamvetse.
Ndikukhulupirira kuti zingakhale bwino ngati pakadapanda kuweruzidwa zolimbikitsa zopanda chiyembekezo. Zowonadi zake ndi izi: anzathu ena amaganiza kuti kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi osachiritsika, pomwe ena amati sikungathe. Palibe chifukwa chobisira wodwala yemwe sanam'khulupirire. Koma palibenso chifukwa chododomezera omwe akuyembekeza pantchito yawo: ngati talakwitsa, zolakwika zathu zimakhala ndi kubwezera kolemetsa. Chifukwa chake, ndikulengeza kuti openda ayenera kusamala pankhani zotere ndipo, koposa zonse, ayenera kusunga chiyembekezo cha dipatimenti yawo yakale kuti ikhale mawu awo.

8. Zochitika ndiwodziwa kwambiri

Monga mukuwonera, ndikubweretsa chidziwitso chapadera cha owunikirawo, chifukwa chake, ndichoperewera. Posafuna kukhala wokayikira, ndiyenera kunena kuti ndikamawerenga mbiri yakale ya odwala omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha yomwe imasindikizidwa m'magazini athu ndikuwona momwe mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amasiyanirana, ndimamva chimodzimodzi ngati asayansi akufotokozera mitundu yosiyanasiyana yotengera mchenga wa mchipululu motsogozedwa ndi mphepo, kuyiwala kuti pamapeto pake amachita ndi mchenga wokha. Mitundu yomwe imalandiridwa ndi mchenga imakhala yosiyanasiyana, koma ngati munthu akufuna kudziwa momwe mchenga umapangidwira, sangakhale anzeru ngati, m'malo mwa chilinganizo cha mchenga, azigwiritsa ntchito mchenga wofotokozera zambiri. Wowunikira aliyense amakhala ndi tsankho lakuya pokomera zomwe adakumana nazo, adapeza chifukwa chokhumudwitsidwa kwambiri. Kutengera ndi zomwe ndidakumana nazo kuchipatala, kudziphatika kwa mayi ndi mayi ndikuyamwa kwa bere ndi malo ophunzirira amuna ndi akazi, ndipo kuti, monga zovuta za Oedipus, ndizachiwiri kwa odwalawa. Kumbali ina, palibe chifukwa chokayikira machitidwe abwino a anzako ena, ngakhale, mwa lingaliro langa, amangogwirizana ndi zigawo zapamwamba.
Tiyeneranso kukhala omvekera bwino pazomwe timatcha kuti kupambana pakulimbana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndikukana monga lingaliro lachiwonetsero lingaliro laumwini wogwirizanitsa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi chisokonezo chake, monga chinthu china choperekedwa ndi Mulungu. Ndimakananso kuyesa kulikonse kuti ndikumvetsetsa kopambana, ngati amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amatha kupatsana mwayi wogwira ntchito, popanda chidwi komanso kusunga kukopeka ndi kugonana kwake. Malingaliro anga, tikulimbana ndi zolephera zazikulu pazinthu zonsezi. Monga tanena kale, ndikupambana ndikutanthauza: kusowa chidwi chokwanira pakugonana, chisangalalo chabwinobwino chogonana ndikusintha mawonekedwe.
Ndine womaliza kunena kuti izi ndizotheka m'mbali zonse. Osatengera izi, izi ndizotheka ndi gulu lokhalo komanso locheperako la ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndanena kale msampha wa mankhwala: odwala ambiri samapitilira msambo kukomoka ndi amayi. Chovuta kwambiri ndikusintha umunthu wamalingaliro owoneka wachisawawa wa odwalawa, omwe angapulumuke kuwonongeka kwayekha. Mbiri yoyipa yamachiritso athu pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sinthawi yongofufuza chabe komanso kugwiritsa ntchito molakwika chida chowunikira. Kwa awa tiyenera kuwonjezera kuvomereza kopanda chithandizo kwa ogonana amuna kapena akazi okha ndi omwe ali ndi vuto losauka (monga zingadzachitike pambuyo pake). Odwala oterewa amakhala olimbikitsa kutinyenga motsutsana nafe, kufalitsa zonama zonena kuti kupenda zamisala yamaganizidwe sikungathandize amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Kuopsa kwake kungathetsedwe posankha milandu yoyenera. Ndikukhulupirira kuti zofunikira zomwe ndalemba zitha kuthandiza pamasankhidwe awa.

Muyeneranso kudziwa za kupambana kwachinyengo komwe kumawonekerako pang'ono. Tikulankhula zakusowa kwakanthawi kwa zizindikilo pomwe wofufuza amakhudza kwenikweni kapena m'njira zina zomwe wodwalayo akufuna, ndipo wodwalayo, chifukwa cha mantha osazindikira kutaya malingaliro ake, amaletsa zizindikirazo kwakanthawi. Nthawi zina, kudzitchinjiriza kumatha kunena kuti munthu athawe (wodwala yemwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amasokoneza chithandizo). Wodwala amapereka chizindikirocho, koma izi zimachitika nthawi zonse kuti ateteze kusanthula kwazidziwitso zazomwe zili ndi libidinal. Freud adatcha chitetezo ichi "kuthawira ku thanzi."
Pali zosiyana ziwiri pakati pseudo-kupambana, komanso zenizeni, osati zovuta kuchita. Choyamba, kupambana kwa pseudo kumaimira kusintha kwakukulu usiku; Kupambana kwenikweni kumadziwika ndi kutalika kwakutali ndi kupendekera koonekeratu, komanso kukayikira komanso kukayikira. Kachiwiri, palibe kulumikizana kwodziwikiratu pakati pakukonza zinthuzo ndi kuzimiririka kwa zizindikirazi, ndipo izi ndizomveka, chifukwa cholinga chake choperekacho ndichoteteza zigawo zomwe mwina ziwonongedwe ndi kusanthula kwa chizindikirocho. Tsoka ilo, pali chidaliro chonse kuti tiyambiranso kuchita bwino kwambiri.

Malo: Edmund Bergler MD
Neurosis Yachikulu: Oral Regression and Psychic Masochism
Amuna Kapena Akazi Okhaokha: Matenda kapena Njira ya Moyo?

Kuwonjezera:

E. Bergler - Kugonana Amuna Kapena Akazi Okhaokha: Matenda kapena Moyo Wamoyo?