Ukusukela ngexesha lemvukelo yesini, isimo sengqondo sobufanasini sitshintshe kakhulu. Namhlanje, kubantu abathandana abathandana nobungqingili eNtshona, umlo ubonakala ngathi uza kuphumelela: iiklabhu zabathandana abathandana nabathandana nabathandana nabathandana nabathandana nabathandanayo, umtshato wesini. Ngoku "gay kulungile." Isohlwayo solawulo kunye nokugwetywa okungazange kwenzeke ngaphambili kulindele abo bachasene nabantu be-LGBT, kunye neelebheli ezinomdla nezasekhaya.
Ukunyamezelwa kunye nokwamkelwa ngokubanzi kwenkululeko yesondo kusebenza kuwo onke amaqhekeza abantu - abo bafuna ukwahlukana nobufanasini kwaye baqale indlela yokuphila eyodwa. La madoda nabafazi banamava obufanasini kodwa abafuni kwamkela isazisi sobufanasini. Bakholelwa ukuba ubufanasini abumeli ubuntu babo bokwenyani kwaye bafuna ukuhlangulwa.
Abantu abanjalo badla ngokujamelana nentiyo evela “kwizinxulumani” zabo zangaphambili. Ukhetho lwabo lokushiya i-gay identity yabo ngasemva luhlala lubonwa njengokungcatsha luluntu lwe-LGBT kwaye lujike lube ngabagxothiweyo. Abantu abathandana nabesini esahlukileyo balumkile kubo; kuluntu lwama-gay babeka isoyikiso ngezikhundla zabo. Enyanisweni, akukho luntu lunokubamkela, ngoko ke aba bantu abathandi ukuzivakalisa bona.
Abanye babo baphendukela kunyango, oluya kubanceda bafezekise utshintsho olufunwayo, kodwa ukhetho lwabo luthintelwe kwaye bahlala behamba kunye nokuxhathisa okunamandla. Iinkokeli ze-LGBT ziphikisa ukuba unyango olunjalo luyingozi, lukuthandana kwabantu basekhaya, kwaye akukho mntu unokutshintsha ngokwenyani ngokwesondo. Abanye bathi olo nyango kufuneka luthintelwe, ngelixa abanye belukhusela, besithi batshintshile, kwaye wonke umntu makabenenkululeko yokuzikhethela indlela afuna ukumthathela kuyo — nokuba oko kuyimfuneko ukushiya uluntu olungabantu gay.
Ugqirha Joseph Nicolosi, Jr.-unyana wengcali ekhokelayo kunyango lobufanasini, uyaqhubeka nomsebenzi kayise emva kokubhubha kwakhe kwangoko kunyaka ophelileyo. Yasekwa nguye Ukudityaniswa kwemibutho yezeNyangoUluhlu olubanzi loncedo lwengqondo olunikezelwa kubantu abazama ukujongana nomtsalane ongathandekiyo wesini esifanayo.
Kukho umahluko oza kwenziwa phakathi kweentlobo ezahlukeneyo zonyango, uchaza uJoseph. — Oko abanye bakubiza ngokuba “lunyango lokuguqula” ligama elibanzi nelingacacanga, elingenamigaqo yokuziphatha okanye iqumrhu elilawulayo. Unyango loguqulo yinto eyenziwa kakhulu ngabantu abangenalayisenisi. Kunyango lokubuyisela, umxhasi udlala indima ephambili. I-psychotherapist enelayisensi inikezela ngomgangatho womxhasi, unyango olusekelwe kubungqina bokuxhwaleka kwabantwana okanye nayiphi na iziyobisi zesondo ezinokuthi zibe nazo, kwaye njengoko le miba iqwalaselwe, ubulili buqala ukutshintsha ngokwabo.
Kwiingxoxo malunga nokuziphatha kwale ndlela, umbuzo wesazisi uhlala uvela: ngaba aba bantu ngabantu "abangqingili" esizama ukubalungisa, okanye baye bahlala bethe tye kwaye sibanceda nje ukuba babe ngokwabo? Oku kumalunga nokuzimisela, kwaye eyona nto ichaza ngamnye wethu ayinguye lowo sifuna ukulala naye, hayi iminqweno yethu yesini, kodwa iinjongo zethu. Abathengi bam bakwakholelwa ukuba iinjongo zabo ziyabachaza, kwaye ndiyavumelana nabo.
Kukho izityholo ezininzi zokuba abantu banyanzelwa ukuba batshintshe. Ndicinga ukuba kukho inyaniso engokwembali koku-yonke into eyenzeka ngokwamaqela enkolo eyahlukileyo. Kukwakho nabazali abangqongqo kakhulu nabenza abantwana babo batshintshe. Nangona kunjalo, oku ayisiyiyo le nto yenziwa kukunyanga ukuhlangana kwakhona - asizami kuphelisa idrive. Siyabanceda aba bantu bazazi, kwaye ukuba oku kuyenzeka, ulwabelana ngesondo ngokwayo.
Njengoko igama lisitsho, sithetha ngokuhlanganiswa kwakhona. Umbono kukudibana kwakhona neenxalenye zobuntu bethu eziye zaqhekeka okanye zaliwe. Uninzi lwabathengi bam bavakalelwa kukuba njengomntwana inkanuko zabo zesibindi zaqatshelwa kwaye zagxekwa, ukuba iminqweno yabo yamadoda yacinezelwa, ngandlela thile.
Amadoda amaninzi anomtsalane kubantu besini esifanayo aya kuthi kudala eziva “njengaloo ndlela.” Siyazi ukuba ingxaki iqala sisebancinci – ukuqhawuka kobudoda. Ngokufuthi amakhwenkwe anjalo aziva ebuthathaka, engakwazi ukunxulumana namadoda okanye noyise, yaye mhlawumbi esi sesona sizathu sibalulekileyo. Kukho izinto ezingafaniyo, ewe, kodwa kuninzi lwamadoda aphuhlise umtsalane wesini esifanayo, le yinkqubo eqhelekileyo. Okungagqunywanga kukuba uninzi lwala madoda luchaza amava obuntwana afana ngokuphawulekayo. Badla ngokuchaza utata wabo njengabantu abakude nabagxekayo, kwaye oomama babo bayathandabuza, bayagxuphuleka, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha banobuzwilakhe. Ukongeza, aba bathengi bahlala benobuntu obunobuntununtunu. Xa zidibene, ezi zinto zandisa amathuba okuba inkwenkwe iya kuba nobunzima ekukhuleni kwayo ngokwesini: ukwahlukana nonina kunye nokwazana noyise.
Kwinqanaba elithile lokukhula, inkwenkwe iya kuzama ukumisela ukuba inxibelelane namadoda avela kwindalo yayo kwaye ibaxelise. Kodwa ukuba imeko yenkwenkwe ayivumelani neminqweno yakhe yamadoda, ukuba into kwindawo yakhe iyawenza umsebenzi, umfana uyaziva enomsindo, aze abuyele kumama wakhe, kwaye angalwenzi uguquko oluyimfuneko kwisini sakhe. Sikubona oku kubathengi bethu abaninzi. Amantombazana angabahlobo bawo abalungileyo. Bayabazi abafazi njengasemva kwesandla sabo. Amadoda ayimfihlakalo kubo, amadoda ayabonwabisa, ayalinganiswa. Amadoda awaziwa kubaxumi bam.
Ubudoda bomntu onomtsalane wesini esifanayo akafumani imvume epheleleyo. Wabuthandabuza ubudoda bakhe, engakholelwa kuyo kude kube sekupheleni. Isizathu soku ingaba lulwalamano olubi okanye olusondeleyo notata okanye abantakwabo, ukuxhaphaza abanye esikolweni, ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, njl njl. Okukhona umntu ebutsheni bakhe egxekwa yindawo ahlala kuyo, kokukhona ehlazeka ngakumbi, kokukhona egwetywa, kokugcina ngakumbi ("hayi, hayi, awungekhe udlale namanye amakhwenkwe eludakeni, unokugula") uziva ngathi akafani nayo yonke into engalunganga ngokwaneleyo, engenamandla ngokwaneleyo - kokukhona eqala ukuyikholelwa loo nto, aze ayive ke, ngaphandle kwesizathu, xa kuqala ubuntwana, Umtsalane wesini esifanayo.
Ukuba umxhasi okholelwa ukuba umtsalane wakhe wesini esifanayo awumeli ukuba ungubani ngokwenene uyeza ukubona i-gay-affirmative therapist, ugqirha uya kumxelela nje ukuba akavumelekanga ukuba abe nalo mbono, ukuba kufuneka avume nje ukuba “lifanasini,” yamkela “ubufanasini” bakhe kwaye uqhelane nacho - kwaye le kuphela kwento enokumnceda azive ngcono. Kukho iqela elikhulu kakhulu labantu ekungekho lula kubo oku, abavakalelwa kukuba oku kubalungele. Asimnyanzeli umxhasi ukuba akhethe nayiphi na indlela. Sinikezela naluphi na ukhetho olukhethileyo.
Njengoko unyango luqhubeka, abathengi baphawula ukwanda kokuzithemba, baziva benxulumana namanye amadoda kwaye behlaziyekile ekunxibelelaneni nabo, kwaye njengemveliso ephuma kwimveliso, bayaqaphela ukuba umtsalane wabo wesini esifanayo uyancipha ngesiqu sabo. Kuya kufuneka uyazi ukuba iminyaka yokugqibela ye-30 yesayensi ibonakalisile ukuba ulwabelana ngesondo kwaye luyakwazi ukutshintsha kwabanye abantu. Oku kuhambelana ngokupheleleyo ne-neuroscience. Siyazi ukuba ezo ndawo zobuchopho ezihambelana kakhulu nokukhetha ezesondo ngokuthe ngqo zezona ndawo zitshintsha kubomi bethu bonke.
Utshintsho lunokwenzeka. Isigqibo sesakho.
umthombo: https://www.reintegrativetherapy.com/
Umdlalo waseMelika uMcRae, umseki welinye lamaziko adumileyo kunyango lobufanasini e-United States ngonyango lokuguqula, ngoku kwavela ukuba yi-gay ephumayo.