Ugqirha ugqirha obalaseleyo, ugqirha weengqondo kunye noMD, u-Edmund Bergler wabhala iincwadi ze-25 kwi-psychology kunye namanqaku e-273 kwiijenali eziphambili zophando. Iincwadi zakhe zigubungela izihloko ezinjengokuphuhliswa komntwana, i-neurosis, iingxaki zeminyaka yobusuku, ubunzima bomtshato, ukungcakaza, indlela ezenzakalisayo, kunye nobufanasini. U-Bergler wamkelwa ngokufanelekileyo njengengcali yexesha lakhe ngokubhekisele kubufanasini. Oku kulandelayo kukucatshulwa komsebenzi wakhe.

Iincwadi zamva nje kunye nemveliso iye yazama ukubonisa abantu abathandana nabantu abatshatileyo njengamaxhoba angonwabanga afanelwe yimfesane. Isibheno kwizithambiso ze-lacrimal akukho ngqiqweni: amafanasini angabhenela kuncedo lwengqondo kwaye anyangeke ukuba uyafuna. Kodwa ukungazi koluntu kuxhaphake kakhulu kulo mbandela, kwaye ukuxhaphaka kwabantu abathandana nabanobungqingili ngombono woluntu ngabo kusebenza ngendlela esebenzayo kangangokuba nabantu abakrelekrele ngokuqinisekileyo abazalelwanga izolo bayawa ngeheyile yabo.

Amava amatsha ngengqondo kunye nophando sele engqina ukuba ngokuqinisekileyo isiphelo esingenakuphikiswa sobufanasini (ngamanye amaxesha sibangelwe yimeko-bume engafaniyo yebhayoloji kunye nemeko yehomoni) ngokwenyani ngokwahlula phakathi kwe-neurosis. I-pessimism yonyango yexesha elidlulileyo ngokuthe ngcembe iyanyamalala: namhlanje i-psychotherapy yendlela ye-psychodynamic inokunyanga ubufanasini.

Ngonyango, ndiyathetha:
1. ukusilela ngokupheleleyo komdla kwisini sabo;
2. ulonwabo oluqhelekileyo ngokwesondo;
3. Utshintsho kubuntu.

Ngaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu yokuziqhelanisa, ndilugqibe ngempumelelo unyango lwekhulu elinobungqingili (amanye amatyala angamashumi amathathu aphazanyiswa ndim okanye ngokuhamba kwesigulana), ndacebisa malunga namakhulu amahlanu. Ngokusekelwe kumava afunyenwe ngale ndlela, ndenza intetho eqinisekileyo yokuba ubungqingili bunesifo esiphucukileyo sonyango lwengqondo lwendlela yokusebenza kwengqondo ukusuka kunyaka ukuya kwemibini, ubuncinci iiseshoni ezintathu ngeveki, ngokuxhomekeka ekubeni isiguli sifuna ukutshintsha ngokwenyani. Inyaniso yokuba isiphumo esihle asisekelwanga nakuphi na ukwahluka kwesiqu kuqinisekiswa kukuba inani elithile labalingane lifumene iziphumo ezifanayo.

Ngaba singabaphilisa bonke abantu besini esinye? - hayi. Iimfuno ezizodwa eziyimfuneko, kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, umnqweno wesini sokuba umntu atshintshe. Izinto ezifuneka kuqala kwimpumelelo:

1. ityala langaphakathi elinokuthi lisetyenziswe kunyango;
2. unyango ngokuzithandela;
3. hayi iindlela ezininzi zokuzenzakalisa;
4. unyango olukhethayo lwenyani yamafanasini;
5. ukungabikho kwamava okwenyani okuxhomekeka ngokupheleleyo kwengqondo kumama;
6. ukungabikho kwezizathu ezingagungqiyo zokugcina ubufanasini njengesixhobo somsindo nxamnye nosapho oluthiyiweyo;
7. ukungabikho kwengxelo "egunyazisiweyo" malunga nokunganyangeki;
   
8. amava kunye nolwazi lomhlalutyi.

1. Unetyala

Siyazi ukuba iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala zikhona ngaphandle kokungafani konke kubo bonke abantu abathandana besini esinye, nangona kwiimeko ezininzi kungaziwa kwaye, okubaluleke ngakumbi, nokuba ukwimeko yokugqibela akunakusetyenziswa ngohlalutyo. Umbuzo ophakamayo: ihlala ibekwa phi? Impendulo yesibhengezo ilula: yona, njengommiselo, ibekwe kwindawo yecalucalism, engozini yokwenyani yokuqubisana noluntu, nomthetho, kunye nabathengisi abamnyama. Ukungafikeleli kumnqweno wohlwayo kwanele kubo kwimeko ezininzi. Abantu abanjalo abafuni kuphuma kwisangqa sabo esikhohlakeleyo kwaye ke abafuni nyango.
Ityala langaphakathi likaGay linzima ngakumbi. Kwelinye icala, ngaphandle kokungabikho ngokupheleleyo kwetyala, indoda enefanasini eza kum ngenxa yezinye iimpawu zelarotic yaphiliswa kubufanasini bayo. Kwelinye icala, ngaphandle kwento yokuba kwakubonakala ngathi kukuziva ngathi unetyala kakhulu kwisigulana esinye, bekungekho nto ingako inokumnceda. Akazange ahambele ngaphaya kokuba ejacation ngaphambi kwexesha kunye nebhinqa. Ke ngoko, kufuneka yamkelwe into yokuba okwangoku asiluqondi ngokupheleleyo uvavanyo olusebenzayo lokusebenzisa le ndlela yokuziva unetyala phakathi kwabantu abathandana nabo. Ityala elihluthwe emzimbeni lidla ngokuba ngummangaliso oxhaswe ngumguli ukuze aqinisekise ngesazela sakhe sangaphakathi: “Andiyonwabisi; Ndiyabandezeleka. Ke ngoko, ngaphambi kokwenza uqikelelo, kwiimeko ezithandabuzekayo, ixesha lokulingwa kwi2 -3 inyanga izakuba ilungile.

2. Unyango ngokuzithandela

Abantu abathandana besini esinye maxa wambi beza nonyango ngenxa yabo babathandayo, abazali okanye izihlobo, kodwa amandla eeminqweno ezilolo hlobo anqabile ngokwaneleyo. Kumava am, kuyabonakala ukuba kubantu abathandana besini esinye akukho nto ifana nomzali okanye isalamane esithandekayo, ukuba ezi zigulana zizaliswe yinzondo yasendle engazi nto kamva, intiyo enokuthelekiswa kuphela notyekelo lokuzibhubhisa. Ndinoluvo lokuba ukuvuma ukuqala unyango yimeko engaphawulekiyo. Ngokwendalo, ungazama ukudibanisa ityala ngenxa yohlobo lolingo, kodwa ndiya ndiqhubeka nokuphepha lo mzamo ulilize.

3. Azikho iindlela zokuzenzakalisa

Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, ukungathandwa koluntu, kunye neendlela zokuzifihla kunye nokuzikhusela abathi bonke abantu abathandana nabo banyanzeliswe ukuba babhenele kuzo, banento yokuzigweba eyithatha inxenye yokungazi ukuba nesazela okuvela kweminye imithombo. Nangona kunjalo, iyamangalisa indlela enkulu ngayo inani leempawu zengqondo ze-psychopathic phakathi kwabantu abathandana abathandanayo. Ngamazwi alula, abantu abaninzi abathandana nabantu besini esinye bathwala ibala lokungazithembi. Kwindlela yokusebenza kwengqondo, oku kungakhuseleki kuthathwa njengenxalenye yomlomo wabantu abathandana besini esinye. Aba bantu bahlala besenza kwaye bephembelela iimeko apho baziva bengafanelekanga. Olu luvo lokungabikho kokusesikweni, olunamava kwaye lwenziwa ngokuziphatha kwabo, lubanika ilungelo elingaphakathi lokuhlala bekhohlakele kwaye benentiyo kwindawo yabo, kwaye bazisole ngokwabo. Kolu tyekelo luphawu lokuba abo bangengabo abezeengqondo, kodwa abajongileyo ngaphandle kwehlabathi babize amafanasini ukuba “angathembeki” kwaye angabinambulelo. Ngokwemvelo, kumanqanaba ahlukileyo entlalontle, lo mkhwa ubonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Nangona kunjalo, iyamangalisa indlela elikhulu ngayo inani lamafanasini phakathi kwabagculi, abaphengululi, abenzi bobuqhetseba, aboni bazo zonke iintlobo, abathengisa iziyobisi, abagembuli, iintlola, iipimps, abanini be-brothel, njl. "Inkqubo yomlomo" yokuphuhliswa kobufanasini ngokusisiseko ilusizi, nangona inembonakalo enkulu yobundilele. Ukuya kuthi ga kangakanani lo mkhwa wokuzibhubhisa ufikeleleka kunyango kuxhomekeke, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, kubungakanani bayo, obungasekwa ngoku. Uvavanyo lwexabiso lolunye uqoqosho lwe-neurotic yesigulana kukuvumela ukuba ukwazi ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza. Ngamanye amagama: isigulana sizenzakalisa kangakanani ngezinye iindlela? Aba bantu 'abanakwenzeka kwaye batshaye,' njengoko umama wesinye sezigulana zam wachaza unyana wakhe nabahlobo bakhe, bahlala bengento yanto njengezigulana.

4. Unyango olukhethayo lobufanasini lwenyani yamaphupha obufanasini

Ngamanye amaxesha kuyenzeka ukuba abantu abancinci abanomdla abathandana nobungqingili baqale unyango lwe-analytic ngexesha kanye xa sele bethathe isigqibo sokutshintsha ukusuka kumanqwanqwa okuthatha amanyathelo, kodwa abakafumani isibindi sokukwenza. Ke, uhlalutyo iba yi-alibi yangaphandle kubo. U-Alibi kukuba isiguli siyaziqinisekisa ukuba sikwinkqubo yezonyango, simnika ithuba lokuphola, kwaye yonke into eyenzekayo ngeli xesha sisigaba esiguqukayo. Ke, olu hlobo lwesigulana luxhaphaza uhlalutyo ukuze kufezekiswe ukutenxa kwakhe своё. Ngokwemvelo, umxholo ubunzima ngakumbi. Ukuqala kwezenzo zobungqingili ngexesha lohlalutyo libonisa into engazi nto yokuthandabuza kobuhlanga ngokuchasene nomhlalutyi, lowo isigulana esohlwayayo kwinkqubo yokudlulisela imbambano yentiyo kubutshaba kubufanasini kwaye sibaphathe njengezilwanyana ezisekwe kukuqwalaselwa kokuziphatha. Nawuphi na umzamo wokubonisa ezi zigulana ukuba asiziboni njengezilwanyana, kodwa njengabantu abagulayo, uthintelwe ukungathembani. Ke, umhlalutyi uvavanywa, enokuba kungonwabisi kakhulu, kuba usapho luya kummangalela ukuba isigulana saba ngumntu othandana naye ngenxa yakhe. Ukuba umhlalutyi ubonakalisa ukuchasana okuncinci kwangaphakathi okanye ukuphoxeka xa isiguli samkela ubudlelwane bobufanasini, unyango kufuneka lujongwe njengento engenathemba. Umhlalutyi uya kunika isigulana ithuba elifunayo "lokumfundisa isifundo".
Isigulana salolu hlobo weza kum kunyango lwe-kleptomania, kodwa wayengungqingili. Wayesoloko endicwangcisa into yokumjolela, esithi ngaphakathi ndiyambona njengesaphuli-mthetho, nangona bendihlala ndimxelela ukuba ndimjonga nje njengesigulana. Ngenye imini wandizisela incwadi njengesipho waza wandixelela ngokuthe ngqo apho wayiba khona. Ngokucacileyo wabala ngokukhupha okungapheliyo kwiimvakalelo zam ezazinokundibeka esichengeni. Ndimbulele ngencwadi kwaye ndacebisa ukuba ndihlaziye injongo yesipho sakhe soozwilakhe. Kwakunokwenzeka ukweyisela isigulana ukuba ubuncinci oku incwadi kufuneka ibuyiselwe kumniniyo. Izilingo ziqhutywa ngumntu ongungqingili oqala ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo ngexesha lokuhlalutya kunokuhlala iinyanga ezintandathu kwaye ke kunzima kakhulu ukukunyamezela kune-kleptomaniac kesi. Oku kubeka umthwalo onzima kumhlalutyi, ekungenguye wonke umntu okwaziyo ukuwuthwala. Amava afundisa ukuba kulula xa isigulana sele singene kulwalamano ngaphambi kokuqala unyango. Esi siphelo sinyanzelekileyo esingachaphazeleka bubudala besi sigulana okanye ixesha lokuziqhelanisa nobungqingili. Ngamanye amagama, nokuba abantu bebesabelana ngesondo iminyaka emininzi, phantsi kweemeko ezintathu zokuqala, kulula ukutshintsha kunabaguli abangena kuqala kubudlelwane ngexesha lohlalutyo.

¹ Apha ukusetyenziswa kwengqondo kwegama elithi "ukuguqulwa" kufuneka kwahlulwe kulowo udumileyo; Le yokugqibela ibandakanya imilinganiselo yokuziphatha, ngelixa ukugqwetheka kwengqondo kuthetha ukwabelana ngesondo komntwana okwenzeka kumntu omdala, okukhokelela kwi-orgasm. Ngamafutshane - isifo.

5. Ukunqongophala kwamava okwenene ngengqondo
umama uxhomekeke

Ndithetha iimeko xa umama yayinguye kuphela utitshala. Umzekelo, uqhawulo-mtshato kuqala lwabazali okanye utata ongakhathaliyo ngokupheleleyo. Imeko enjalo inokuba phantsi kokuphathwa gadalala okubonakalayo, kwaye kwimeko yobufanasini, oku akukhuthazi.

6. Ukunqongophala kwezizathu ezingagungqiyo zokugcina ubufanasini njengesixhobo somsindo nxamnye nosapho oluthiyiweyo

Kukho umahluko phakathi kokuba ubundlobongela be-pseudo nxamnye nosapho (kubonakaliswe kubufanasini) bobokwasekuqaleni "okanye obusetyenziswa njengesixhobo.

7. Ukunqongophala kwengxelo "egunyazisiweyo" malunga nokunganyangeki

Ndingathanda ukuchaza ukuba ndithetha ntoni ngomzekelo. Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo ndandinesigulana esitshatileyo. Isisiganeko esingathandekiyo, kuba wayengenamnqweno onyanisekileyo wokuphelisa ukugqwetha. Wavumela umhlobo wakhe osele aluphele (owayengusomashishini omkhulu) ukuba ahlambe izipho kwaye, ngenxa yoko, wayesiya kubuhenyu abangamadoda. Isigulana sasingenakufikeleleka ngokupheleleyo, kwaye ukuxhathisa kwakhe kwaqina xa wayexelela umcebisi wakhe osisityebi ukuba wayekwindlela yokunyanga, malunga noko owayesathe cwaka. Le ndoda yenze into ngokungakhathali ngokuqonda: endaweni yokuzama nje ukuthintela isigulana ukuba ingaqhubeki nonyango kwaye ibeke uxinzelelo kuye, njlnjl. - kwenzeka ntoni rhoqo - yamxelela ukuba wayechitha ixesha, kuba uphazamiseko lwengqondo oluphezulu igunya lamxelela ukuba ubufanasini abunyangeki. Uye wavuma ukuba i-25 kwiminyaka engaphambi koko, yena ebeye kunyangwa ngengqondo ebekekekileyo kwaye ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamva egqibe ukusebenza naye, esithi ngoku uxolelaniswe nobungqingili bakhe kwaye ngaphezulu akunakuphumelela. Andazi ukuba ibali lendoda endala yinyani okanye bubuxoki, kodwa yanika le ndoda inkcukacha ezininzi malunga nonyango lwayo kangangokuba eyokuqiniseka yayiqinisekile ukuba indoda endala yayixoka. Ngayiphi na imeko, andinakukwazi ukukholisa isigulana ukuba ukuqhubeka nonyango kuya kwenza nayiphi na ingqondo.
Ndiyakholelwa ukuba kungangcono ukuba izigwebo eziqinisekileyo zembono zikhutshelwe ngaphandle. Inyani isekhona: abanye oogxa bethu babona ubufanasini njengenganyangekiyo, ngelixa abanye bekugqala njengenganyangeki. Akukho sizathu sokuyifihla kwisigulana esinganyangekiyo. Kodwa kwakhona akukho sizathu sokuphazamisa abathembisi emsebenzini wabo: ukuba siyaphazama, impazamo yethu iya kubandakanya ukubuyiswa okunzima. Ke ngoko, ndiyabhengeza ukuba abahlalutyi kufuneka basebenzise ulwazelelo kwimiba enjalo kwaye, ngaphezu kwako konke, kufuneka bagcine ithemba lesebe labo langaphambili njengengxelo zobuqu.

8. Amava okuhlalutya nolwazi

Njengoko ubona, ndizisa ulwazi lomhlalutyi olukhethekileyo lokugqibela, olo, ke, oluncinci. Ngokungafuni ukugxeka, kufuneka nditsho ukuba xa ndifunda imbali yezonyango yezigulana ezinobungqingili ezipapashwa kwiijenali zethu kwaye ndibona indlela ezahluke ngayo iintlobo zobungqingili, ndiye ndifumana umbono ofanayo nokuba inzululwazi ichaza iindlela ezahlukileyo ezamkelwe yintlabathi yasentlango. phantsi kwempembelelo zomoya, ulibale ukuba ekugqibeleni bajongana nesanti kuphela. Iifom ezamkelwe yintlabathi zinokwahluka kakhulu, kodwa ukuba umntu ufuna ukwazi ukwakhiwa kwecandelo lesanti, akazukubangabinabulumko ukuba, endaweni yendlela yesanti, uya kubonelela ngokunyaniseka okuqinisekileyo ngeendlela ezininzi zentlabathi. Umhlalutyi ngamnye unekhethe elinzulu uxhasa amava akhe, afunyenwe ngenxa yokuphoxeka okukhulu. Ngokusekelwe kumava am eklinikhi, ukunamathela kwangaphambi kwe-oedipal kumama kunye nobisi olunzima liziko le-psychic kubufanasini besilisa, kwaye ukuba, njenge-Oedipus tata, ikwesibini kwaba baguli. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, akukho sizathu sokuthandabuza iinkqubo ezilungileyo zabanye oogxa, nangona, ngokoluvo lwam, banxulumene kuphela kunye nokugcwala komhlaba.
Kufuneka kwakhona sicace gca malunga nento esiyibiza ngokuba yimpumelelo kunyango lobufanasini. Ndiyala njenge njongo yokuhlaziya umbono olungiselelwe umntu wokuxolelanisa umntu ongatshatanga naye kunye nokugqwetha kwakhe, njengento ayinikezwe nguThixo. Ndikwala nayiphina inzame yokuvakala ngathi iyimpumelelo yohlalutyo, xa umntu ongathandani naye esiba nakho ukwenza uzinzo ngaphandle kokuzibona esenza umsebenzi, ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle komdla kunye nokugcina umtsalane kwisini sakhe. Ngokombono wam, sijongana nokusilela okukhwankqisayo kuzo zombini iimeko. Njengoko sele kukhankanyiwe, kwimpumelelo ndiyathetha: ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo komdla kwisini somntu, ukonwaba ngendlela eqhelekileyo ngokwesondo kunye notshintsho kumlingiswa.
Ndingowokugqibela ukuba oku kunokwenzeka kuzo zonke iimeko. Ngokuchasene noko, oku kunokwenzeka kuphela neqela elikhethekileyo kakhulu nelinganiselweyo lamafanasini. Sele ndikhankanye ukuba ngumgibe kunyango: uninzi lweziguli aluzange luye ngaphaya kokuchaphazeleka ngaphambi kwexesha kunye nabasetyhini. Eyona nto inzima kukutshintsha ubuntu obunomona bokujonga ngomzimba kwaba baguli, onokuthi usinde ekunyamalaleni kwengqondo ngokwayo. Isidima esibi sonyango lwethu phakathi kwabantu abathandana besini esifanayo asibangelwa kukungabaza kwaphela kunye nokusetyenziswa gwenxa kwesixhobo sohlalutyo. Kwezi zinto kufuneka songeze ulwamkelo olungakhethiyo kunyango lwabantu abathandana abathandana nesini esahlukileyo (njengoko kuya kwenzeka kamva). Aba baguli baba ngabasasazi abanobuchule nxamnye nathi, besasaza ingxelo ebubuxoki yokuba ukuhlalutya ngengqondo akunakuzinceda amafanasini. Ingozi inokupheliswa ngokukhetha iimeko ezifanelekileyo. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ii-prerequisites endizidwelisile zinganceda kolu khetho.

Kuya kufuneka uyazi impumelelo ye-pseudo ebonwa kwindawo encinci yamatyala. Sithetha ngokunyamalala okwethutyana kweempawu, xa umhlalutyi ethinta ngokuthe ngqo okanye ngokungathanga ngqo iinjongo zesigulana, kwaye yena, ngenxa yoloyiko olungazi nto lokuphulukana nolwakhiwo lwengqondo ngokubanzi, unqanda okwethutyana iimpawu. Ngamanye amaxesha, indlela yokuzikhusela inokunyanzela ukubaleka (isigulana esingumfanasini saphazamisa unyango ngesiquphe). Isigulana sincama uphawu, kodwa oku kuhlala kusenziwa ukuthintela uhlalutyo lokuthambekela kokungazi nto kunye nomxholo we-libidinal. UFreud ubize le ndlela yokuzikhusela "ukubalekela empilweni."
Kukho umahluko emibini phakathi kwempumelelo ye-pseudo, kunye nenyaniso, nenkqubela phambili. Kuqala, impumelelo ye-pseudo imele utshintsho olukhulu ebusuku; Impumelelo yokwenene ihlala iphawuleka ngamaxesha amde okuqhubela phambili okucacileyo kunye nohlengahlengiso olucacileyo, kunye nokuthandabuza kunye nokuthandabuza. Okwesibini, akukho unxibelelwano lucacileyo phakathi kokucocwa kwezinto kunye nokunyamalala kweempawu, kwaye oku kuyaqondakala ngokupheleleyo, kuba eyona njongo yomhlatshelo kukukhusela izingqimba ezinokuthi zitshatyalaliswe ngokuhlalutya uphawu. Ngelishwa, kukho ukuzithemba okuqinisekileyo kokubuyela kwakhona kwimpumelelo ye-pseudo-impumelelo.

Imithombo: Edmund Bergler MD
I-Neurosis esisiseko: Ukubhalwa kwamalungu ngomlomo kunye nePsychic Masochism
Ubufanasini: Ngaba sisifo okanye yindlela yobomi?

Ukongeza:

E. Bergler-Ubufanasini: Sisifo okanye indlela yokuphila?