Ugqirha ugqirha obalaseleyo wenkulungwane yamashumi amabini, MD Edmund Bergler wabhala iincwadi ze-25 kwi-psychology kunye namanqaku e-273 kwijenali eziphambili zekhondo. Iincwadi zakhe zigubungela izihloko ezinjengokuphuhliswa komntwana, i-neurosis, iingxaki zeminyaka yobusuku, ubunzima bomtshato, ukungcakaza, indlela ezenzakalisayo, kunye nobufanasini. Oku kulandelayo kukucatshulwa kwincwadi ethi “Ubufanasini: sisifo okanye indlela yokuphila?»

Phantse iminyaka engamashumi amathathu ngoku bendibanyanga abantu abathandana nobungqingili, ndichitha iiyure ezininzi nabo ngexesha lokuhlaziywa kwabo. Ndinokutsho ngokuvakalayo ukuba andinamkhethe kubantu besini esinye; kum ngabantu abagulayo abadinga unyango. Ndineempumelelo ezininzi zonyango kunye nazo, ezinye ukusilela kunye nokudana okuthile. Ndityala kubo ithuba lokufunda ngokwakha imeko yabo yengqondo, kunye nohlobo lwesifo kunye nokuqina kwesifo sabo. Ngokubanzi, andinasizathu sokukhalaza malunga namafanasini.

Nangona kunjalo, nangona ndingenamkhethe, ukuba bendibuzwa ukuba buyintoni na ubufanasini, ndingathi ubufanasini yinto yabantu engeyongozi, nokuba yeyiphi na indlela yabo yangaphandle emnandi okanye engathandekiyo. Ewe, abanoxanduva lokungaboni ngasonye kwabo, kodwa ezi ngxabano zithimba amandla abo angaphakathi kangangokuba iqokobhe labo langaphandle ngumxube wokuzikhukhumalisa, ubukrelekrele nokubetha. Njengazo zonke ii-psychic masochists, ziyahleba xa zidibana nomntu onamandla, kwaye xa zifumana amandla, ziba krwada, zinyathe umntu obuthathaka ngaphandle kokuzisola okuncinci. Olona lwimi lungaqondakaliyo kuphela abangaqondakaliyo kukungangqinelani. Eyona nto imangalisa kakhulu kukuba akufane ufumane into ethile (eyinto ebizwa ngokuba "ngumntu olungileyo") phakathi kwabo.

Ukungaqiniseki ngento endiyibonayo, ndiye ndazihlola isigulana sam, ndacela ukuba basishwankathele uluvo lwabo malunga nabantu abathandana abathandana nabo kwiminyaka elishumi emva konyango. Iimpawu zabahlobo bakhe bangaphambili ezivezwe ngabantu abathandana nababesoloko benyanisiwe bagxekwa ngendlela ebulalayo, xa kuthelekiswa nohlalutyo lwam lwalunjengokuthetha komntwana.

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Umntu ongatshatanga ugcwele umxube wezi zinto zilandelayo:

1. Ukuvuselela inkanuko nokuqokelela okungekho sikweni.
2. Ukuzikhusela.
3. Frivolity igubungela uxinzelelo kunye netyala.
4. I-hypernarcissism kunye ne-hyperarrogance.
5. Ukwala ukwamkela imigangatho eyamkelweyo kwimicimbi engeyiyo eyokwabelana ngesondo phantsi kwesizathu sokuba ilungelo lokusika iikona zokuziphatha libangelwe ngabantu abathandana abathandana nabo njengembuyekezo yabo “ukubandezeleka” kwabo.
6. Ukungakhuseleki ngokubanzi, kwanokwendalo yengqondo okanye engaphezulu kakhulu.

Eyona nto inomdla kakhulu kule sextet yeempawu kukusebenza kwayo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Nokuba yeyiphi na ingqondo, inkcubeko, imvelaphi okanye imfundo, bonke abantu abathandana nayo banayo.

JOURNEY GATHER

Wonke umntu othandana nomntu ongathandani naye ungumqokeleli wokuthanda okungekho sikweni kwaye ke ugqirha weengqondo. Ugqirha ocekeceke engqondweni ngumchaphazeli, othi ngenxa yengqumbo, angakwazi ukwenza into, ebethwa, ehlazeke aze alahlwe.

ISIQINISEKISO NGOKUQINISEKILEYO, NGOKUQINISEKILEYO KOKUFUNA

Ubufanasini obuqhelekileyo buhlala bujongwa. "Ukuhamba" kwakhe (igama elifanasini nokufumana iqabane kwimizuzu emibini okanye, okwethutyana, iqabane lethuba elifutshane) kubanzi ngakumbi kunobungqingili be-neurotic kwi-single-ubusuku. Ngokwamafanasini, oku kungqina ukuba banqwenela ukwahluka kwaye baneminqweno yesini engapheliyo. Ngapha koko, oku kungqina kuphela ukuba ubungqingili kukutya okuncinci kwaye okungonelisiyo ngokwesondo. Ikwangqina ubukho benkanuko eqhubekayo yokufuna ukubona ingozi: ngalo lonke ixesha ekuhambeni kwakhe umntu otshatileyo abasemngciphekweni wokubetha, ukuzama ukugqogqa, okanye izifo ezosulela ngesondo.

UNYANGO OLUNGAXHASELWA I-MGALOMANIC UKUVUNYELWA NGOKUFUMANELEKILEYO KWI-HOMOSEXUALISTS KUNYE NE-OVERLAND YENDLELA YOKUHOMOSEXUAL

Imbonakalo ye-megalomaniac ebomini yenye yomqondiso oqhelekileyo wobufanasini. Uqinisekile ngokunzulu ngokugqwesa kohlobo lwakhe ngaphezu kwabo bonke abanye, kwaye uhlala eyixhasa le nkolelo ngemizekelo engeyiyo eyimbali. Kwangelo xesha, uqinisekile ukuba "Ngaphakathi ezantsi, wonke umntu unohlobo oluthile lokuthanda ubufanasini".

UKUGCINWA KWANGAPHAKATHI NOKUVUNYELWA KWESIQINISEKISO

Ngokuyinxenye, imbuyekezo yenkohliso yobungangamsha befanasini ayikuthinteli ukudandatheka okunzulu kwangaphakathi. Ngokufana noNapoleon “ukukrwempa umRashiya yaye uya kufumana umTatar,” ubani unokuthi: “krwempa ifanasini yaye uya kufumana ixhala elidandathekisayo.” Ngamanye amaxesha ulonwabo oluhlekisayo “lobufanasini” [ngokoqobo “gay”]-igama elithi abantu abathandana besini esifanayo bazisebenzisela bona- kukuzifihla okufihlakeleyo kobufanasini. Le yindlela yokukhusela ngokuchasene noxinzelelo lwe-masochistic. Obunye ubuchule obunjalo yingqumbo ebaxiweyo nengalawulekiyo yamafanasini, esoloko ilungele ukusetyenziswa. Lo msindo uyafana nochuku oluchazwe kwitheyibhile:

IWAYINI YANGOKO

Ngaphandle kokukhetha, ubutyala obunzulu bangaphakathi obuvela kugqwetheko bukhona kuwo onke amafanasini. Eli lityala elisusiweyo elinxulumene nesakhelo se-masochistic. Ubutyala, nokuba buvunyiwe okanye buphikisiwe (buqhele ukuphikiswa), yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yesakhiwo sobufanasini. "Ukuhlanganisa" eli tyala kunye nokulibuyisela kwindawo yalo lisebenza njengendlela yokutshintsha unyango kunyango lwengqondo. Apha kuyimfuneko ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokugqwetha kwingqondo yengqondo kunye nethandwayo: le yokugqibela ibandakanya ukuziphatha, ngelixa ukuguqulwa kwengqondo kuthetha isondo somntwana, okwenzeka kumntu omdala, kunye nokukhokelela kwi-orgasm. Ngamafutshane - isifo.

UMNYANGO WEZOBUCHULE

Abantu abathandana nabantu besini esahlukileyo babonisa inani elinobuqhophololo kunye nobundlongondlongo obungenanto yakwenza nobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo. Nokuba kwiimeko ezinqabileyo zobudlelwane befanasini ende, kubakho rhoqo ukuqhuma ngumona. Olu khwele-mbumbulu lugubungela ukungqubana okunzulu okujolayo: okubonakala ngathi kunekhwele ebusweni, enyanisweni, lithuba lokuqokelela okungekho sikweni. Oku kucacile ngakumbi kwiimeko apho iqabane ngokunyaniseka linyulwa kwaye ukuthembeka kulindeleke kuye.

“UKUNGAVUMIYO” NJENGENGXENYE YENDLELA YOKUZIPHATHA NGOKUGQIBELA

Ukungakhuseleki, ukusuka kwimisebenzi ukuya kwisimo esidumileyo seengqondo, ngumgaqo, hayi okwahlukileyo phakathi kwabantu abathandana abathandanayo. Bahlala kwindawo yokuwela iyelenqe, basebenzisa indlela ezimfutshane, iindlela ezingcolileyo kunye neyelenqe. Ngamanye amaxesha iindlela zabo zoxinzelelo zibonakala zibolekwe kwindawo enobugqwetha-ulwaphulo-mthetho. Ukuqiqa ngokulunga ngokulula kulula: "Ndihlupheke kakhulu - ndiyakwazi."

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Namhlanje, ingxaki yokulalana kwabantu besini elinye ibakho kraca kuneminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo. Ugqwetha lube yinto eqhelekileyo egqithisileyo kwindalo yokuqanjwa kwabafundi abatsha ngenxa yokusasazwa kwezibalo eziphosakeleyo. Ezinye izinto zobuntu bezisoloko zinomdla kubufanasini, nangona kunjalo, ukongeza ekuqeshweni kwesiqhelo, kule minyaka idlulileyo sibona uhlobo olutsha "lokuqasha". Aba bantu ngabantu abancinci okanye abaneminyaka engamashumi amabini - "umda" abantu abathandana abatshatileyo, kwisigqibo sokuba "bangabi yiyo," bahlala phakathi kwezitulo ezibini. Ukutshutshiswa kobufanasini kule meko kunikwa iinkcazo ezinje ngeKinsey. Uninzi lwaba "balindi basemngceleni" ayingobungqingili okwenyani: ukujonga izinto ngendlela efanayo kunye nokuvavanywa okungalunganga (okuvela kwinkolelo ephosakeleyo yokuba ubungqingili “yinto eqhelekileyo nevunyiweyo yinzululwazi”) baneziphumo ezibi, bezithwalisa uxanduva olunetyala kunye nokuthandabuza. Lo mthwalo uqhubeka nangona sele ebuyile ebungqingweni. Umbono owoyikisayo nosizi "wobukrelekrele ngokwesini" kungenxa yokungakwazi ukusasaza iinyani ezilula zonyango.

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Umthombo omtsha nongenasiphelo sengozi yomtshato yayingumtshato wababizi "abakhethiweyo" kubafazi abangazithembanga abaphulukene nobom babo xa befumanisa ukuba ayingabafazi, kodwa siscreen ... "Bisexeness" sikhona kuphela njengencazelo yomntu onobufanasini. owagcina izinsalela zokukhanya okungathandani nobungqingili, okwathi kangangexesha elithile kwamenza ukuba abe nakho ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle kwenkanuko, ukumnika ii-alibi zangaphakathi ezifanelekileyo. Akukho mntu unokudanisa kwimitshato emibini ngaxeshanye, nkqu nesona sithandwa sinobuchule. Ukwabiwa ngokulinganayo kweenjongo ezikhululekileyo phakathi kobungqingili kunye nobungqingili azikho ngenxa yokuba ubungqingili ayisiqhutywa ngokwesondo, kodwa yindlela yokukhusela. Oku kubizwa ngokuba "zii-bisexcript" enyanisweni ngamafanasini okwenyani kunye nokudityaniswa kancinane komgaqo-nkqubo kubantu besifazane abangathandwayo. Xa umntu ongatshatanga naye ngale ndlela atshata umfazi ongalilindelanga, ukugwenxa komyeni wakhe akunakuphepheka kwaye kuyintlekele. Imitshato “yeebhayibhile” ishukunyiswa zizizathu zentlalo okanye inkolelo yokuba umtshato uza kubafundisa ngendlela eqhelekileyo. Ngaphambili, imitshato enjalo ibinqabile; okwangoku ngumgaqo.

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Okwangoku, iimfazwe zobungqingili zilwelwa kwiindawo ezintathu:
Amafanasini: "Siqhelekile kwaye sifuna ukwamkelwa!"
Abobungqingili: "Ugqwetha nendawo yakho ejele!"
Iingcali zengqondo: "Abantu abathandana nabantu besini esinye ngabantu abagulayo kwaye kufuneka banyangwe."
Ngaphantsi kweempembelelo zeengxelo zeKinsey, amafanasini aqokelele isibindi ngoku kufuneka imeko yobuncinci. Njengalo naliphi na ixesha lotshintsho, kuphela sisiqingatha semilinganiselo esinokunikwa. Phakathi kwazo, ezona zibalulekileyo zezi:

1. Ukusasazeka kolwazi lokuba ubungqingili sisifo se-neurotic apho kuzinzima khona kwaye kungenakuthinteleka iindlela zokuzenzakalisa zibandakanya ubuntu bonke, kwaye ayisiyiyo indlela yobomi.
2. Ukusasaza ulwazi lokuba ubufanasini sisifo esinyangekayo.
3. Ukudalwa nokulondolozwa kwamasebe angaphandle okunyanga abantu abathandana abakhoyo ngaphakathi kweiyunithi zengqondo ezikhoyo kwizibhedlele ezikhulu ezinabasebenzi abangoochwephesha kwezonyango.

Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, umlo ngokuchasene nobungqingili sele ulwelwe ngeenjongo ezifanelekileyo nezengqiqweni zokuziphatha kunye nezithintelo ezifanelekileyo zomthetho. Akukho nanye kwezi ndlela eye yangqineka iyasebenza. Iingxoxo zokuziphatha zichithakala kubantu abathandana nabantu abatshatileyo kuba, bengazihoyi iindibano, banelisa uburharha babo. Izisongelo zokuvalelwa zingenamsebenzi ngokulingeneyo: i-megalomania eqhelekileyo yesini esifanayo iyamvumela ukuba azicingele yedwa, ngelixa iimeko zakhe ezijonge ukubambeka zenza umngcipheko wokuvalelwa uthandeke. Ekuphela kwendlela esebenzayo yokulwa nokulwa ubungqingili kukusasaza ngokubanzi ulwazi lokuba akukho nto ikhazimlayo ekubandezelweni sisifo esaziwa njengobufanasini. Oku, ekuqaleni, ukuphazamiseka ngokwesondo, kuhlala kudityaniswa kunye nokuzibhubhisa ngokungazenzisiyo, okuzibonakalisa ngaphandle kwendawo yesondo, kuba kugubungela ubuntu bonke. Olona tshaba lomntu wesini esithandanayo ayisiyonto egwenxa, kodwa kukungazi kwakhe ukuba unokuncedwa, kunye nokubona kwakhe ngengqondo, okumenza ukuba aphephe unyango. Oku kungazi kwenziwa ngobuchule ziinkokeli ezinobungqingili.

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Ifanasini laso nasiphi na isini sikholelwa ukuba ekuphela kwengxaki yalo “sisimo sengqondo esingafanelekanga” semekobume. Ubanga ukuba ukuba wayeshiywe yedwa kwaye engasayi kuphinda oyike umthetho, ukuxhatshazwa kwentlalontle, ukuphanga okanye ukuvezwa, wayenokonwaba "njengoko wayechasene nesini esahlukileyo. Oku, ngokuqinisekileyo, yinkohliso yokuzithuthuzela. Ubufanasini “ayiyondlela yobomi,” njengoko aba bantu bagulayo bekholelwa ngokungekho ngqiqweni, kodwa kukugqwethwa kobuntu buphela. Iyahamba ngaphandle kokutsho ukuba ubuni obungafaniyo ngokwayo akuqinisekisi impilo yeemvakalelo- kwaye phakathi kwabantu besini esahlukileyo kukho inyambalala ye-neurotics. Kwangaxeshanye, kukho abantu abathandana besini esahlukileyo abasempilweni, kodwa akukho mafanasini asempilweni. Ubume obupheleleyo bomntu othandana nesini esifana nesakhe buzaliswe ngumnqweno ongekho zingqondweni wokubandezeleka. Lo mnqweno ukwaneliswa kukuzidala kweengxaki, ezityholwa ngokufanelekileyo kwiingxaki zangaphandle ezijongene nobufanasini. Ukuba ubunzima bangaphandle bususwe ngokupheleleyo, kwaye kwezinye izangqa kwizixeko ezikhulu zisuswe ngokwenene, i-homosexual ibiya kuhlala ingumntu ogula ngokweemvakalelo.

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Kwiminyaka nje eyi-10 edlulileyo, eyona nto ingcono kakhulu isayensi inokunikela ngokuxolelana kwabantu abathandana besini esinye kunye "nesiphelo" sakhe, ngamanye amazwi, ukupheliswa kokuziva unetyala. Amava akutshanje ophando lwengqondo kunye nophando lubonakalise ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuba ikamva elingenakuguqulwa labantu abathandana besini esifana nesakhe (ngamanye amaxesha kubalelwa ziimeko ezingekhoyo zebhayoloji kunye neehomoni) enyanisweni lulwahlulo olunokuguqulwa ngonyango lwe-neurosis. Ithemba lonyango lexesha elidlulileyo liya kuthi shwaka kancinci kancinci: namhlanje unyango lwengqondo lwendlela yengqondo inokunyanga ubufanasini.

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Iincwadi zamva nje kunye nemveliso iye yazama ukubonisa abantu abathandana nabantu abatshatileyo njengamaxhoba angonwabanga afanelwe yimfesane. Isibheno kwizithambiso ze-lacrimal akukho ngqiqweni: amafanasini angabhenela kuncedo lwengqondo kwaye anyangeke ukuba uyafuna. Kodwa ukungazi koluntu kuxhaphake kakhulu kulo mbandela, kwaye ukuxhaphaka kwabantu abathandana nabanobungqingili ngombono woluntu ngabo kusebenza ngendlela esebenzayo kangangokuba nabantu abakrelekrele ngokuqinisekileyo abazalelwanga izolo bayawa ngeheyile yabo.

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"Ngaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu yokuziqhelanisa, ndilugqibe ngempumelelo uhlalutyo lwabantu abathandana abathandana nobungqingili (ezinye iimvavanyo ezingamashumi amathathu zaphazanyiswa ndim okanye ngokusuka kwesigulana), ndacebisa malunga namakhulu amahlanu. Ngokusekelwe kumava afunyenwe ngale ndlela, ndingatsho ngokuzithemba ukuba ubufanasini bunesiphumo esihle sokunyangwa kwengqondo yendlela yokusebenza kwengqondo ukusuka kwiminyaka emibini, ubuncinci iiseshoni ezintathu ngeveki, ngokuxhomekeka ekubeni isiguli sifuna ukutshintsha ngokwenyani. Inyaniso yokuba isiphumo esihle asisekelwanga nakuphi na ukwahluka kwesiqu kuqinisekiswa kukuba inani elithile labalingane lifumene iziphumo ezifanayo.

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Umntu ongathandani naye akabalahli abafazi, kodwa uyabaleka. Engazi, woyika umntu. Ubaleka umfazi kangangoko anakho, esiya kwelinye ilizwekazi-ukuya endodeni. Isiqinisekiso esiqhelekileyo sokuba umntu ongatshatanga 'akananxaxheba' kwabasetyhini asiyonto ingaphezulu komnqweno wokunqwenela. Ngaphakathi, ubathiyile abafazi ngenzondo yokunyanzela uloyiko lokujonga. Oku kubonakala kuyo yonke ingxoxo yohlalutyo kunye nesigulana esingungqingili.

Umntu ongungqingili ubhekisa emadodeni njengento yokuthintela ababhinqileyo. Ukunyuka kwendoda kwinto enomdla kuyinto yesibini. Lo mdla uhlala uxutywa nokudelwa. Xa kuthelekiswa nokudelela okuboniswe ngumntu wesini esiqhelekileyo kumaqabane abo ezesondo, intiyo nokungakhathalelwa kwabafazi kwelona bhinqa libi kakhulu. Ngokwesiqhelo ubuntu bonke "bomthandayo" buyacinywa. Unxibelelwano olunobungqingili oluninzi lwenzeka kwizindlu zangasese, ekubonakaleni kweepaki nakwindawo zokuhlamba zaseTurkey, apho into yesini ingabonakali. Ezo ndlela zingenabuntu zokufezekisa “unxibelelwano” zenza ukuba undwendwela ubungqingili bomtshato bujongane namava onemvakalelo.

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Ubufanasini buhlala buhlanganiswa nemikhwa yengqondo. Ubungqingili ngokwayo ayinanto yakwenza ne-psychopathy - indibaniselwano evela kwisilumkiso somlomo ngokubanzi. Kumphezulu, izenzo ze-psychopathic zeyephupha lokuziphindezela, nangona kunjalo, emva kwale palimpsest egqume kakubi kukho iindlela zokuzenzakalisa ezinzulu ezingenako ukufihla ibala eliphambili lolwaphulo-mthetho.

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Umdibaniso wobungqingili kunye nobuqhetseba, ulikhoboka lokungcakaza, ubunxila, iziyobisi, i-kleptomania yinto eqhelekileyo.

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Kuyamangalisa ukuba lukhulu kangakanani umlinganiso wobuntu be-psychopathic yobuqu phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo. Ngamazwi alula, abantu abaninzi abathandana nabantu besini esinye bathwala ibala lokungazithembi. Kwindlela yokusebenza kwengqondo, oku kungakhuseleki kuthathwa njengenxalenye yomlomo wabantu abathandana besini esinye. Aba bantu bahlala besenza kwaye bephembelela iimeko apho baziva bengafanelekanga. Olu luvo lokungabikho kokusesikweni, olunamava kwaye lwenziwa ngokuziphatha kwabo, lubanika ilungelo elingaphakathi lokuhlala bekhohlakele kwaye benentiyo kwindawo yabo, kwaye bazisole ngokwabo. Kolu tyekelo lokulinganisa ukuba abo bangenangqondo, kodwa abajongileyo ngaphandle kwehlabathi babiza abantu abathandana “ngokungathembeki” nokungabi naluthando. Akumangalisi ke ukuba likhulu kangakanani inani labantu abathandana nabantu abathandana nabantu abatshatileyo phakathi kwabaxhaphazi, abaphengululi, abenzi bobuqhetseba, aboni bazo zonke iintlobo, abathengisi beziyobisi, abangcakazayo, iintlola, iimpimpi, abanini be-brothel, njl.

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I-Lesbianism

Uhlobo lobufanasini lobufazi lufana nobudoda: ungquzulwano lokungaboni ngasonye nonina wobuntwana kwasebusaneni. Kwisigaba somlomo sokuphuhliswa (iminyaka yokuqala ye-1,5 yobomi), isibini se-novice sidlula kuthotho olunzima nolwehla kunye nonina, okuthintela ukugqitywa ngempumelelo kwesi sigaba. Ubume buphikiso lweklinikhi yesini kukuba lubonisa ukungqamana kwezinto ezintathu: ubume bokujonga okungekho sesikweni, egutyungelwe yinzondo ye-pseudo, egutyungelwe luthando olugqithisileyo lothando lwommeli womfanekiso ongenasiphelo womama (i-neurotic kuphela eneemvakalelo ze-ersatz kunye neemvakalelo ubuqhuqhuva!).

I-Lesbian yintsholongwane kunye noxantathu lokufihla ukungazi, okukhokelela kwimeko ebuhlungu Quiroquo, isiqhulo kumntu obukeleyo. Okokuqala, ubungqingili, ngokungathandabuzekiyo, abukho inkanuko, kodwa nobundlongondlongo Imbambano: Isiseko ukuqaqanjelwa kwengqondo I-neurotic ebanjwa ngomlomo ingxabano engalunganga engabuyiswangayo ebuyela njenge-boomerang ngenxa yesazela kwaye okwesibini kuphela ikhuselwe. Okwesibini, phantsi komgaqo wobudlelwane “bendoda nomfazi”, ubudlelwane phakathi komtshato buye umntwana nonina. Okwesithathu, ubuhlanga buye bubonise ubunyani bokwenyani; umntu ongaboniyo ubamfanyekiswa yimincili yabo yokwazi, lo gama Ngaphantsi kwayo kukho isifo se-neurosis esinganyangekiyo.

Ilizwe langaphandle, ngokungazi kwalo, libajonga abafazi abanesibindi. Nangona kunjalo, ayingabo bonke abafazi abanesibindi abanobungqingili. Kwelinye icala, umntu onesibindi onesibindi ngaphandle uxelisa amadoda ezinxibeni, ekuziphatheni nasebudlelwaneni kuphela ebonisa ukufihlakala okufihla ukungqubana kwakhe noqobo. Imfanyekisiwe yile scotoma ekhuthazwayo ngabantu abathandanayo, lobhuti obonakalayo akakwazi ukuchaza isini "esivumayo" okanye isenzo sokuba isini esifana nesakho, esibonisa ulwazelelelo olungenanto, kugxilwe ikakhulu kubunkunkqele nasekuncanceni ibele, kunye nokuhlanjwa kwamalungu omzimba ngesondo kubetheleleka kwi-clitoris, ngokungazi. ndinengono.

Iminyaka yam ye-30 yamava onyango abonakalise ukuba i-lesbianism inamanqanaba amahlanu: 
I-1) uthando olubonakalayo kumama; 
I-2) i-veto yesazela sangaphakathi ethintela "ukonwaba ukungathandeki"; 
I-3) ukhuselo lokuqala luthando-mbumbulu; 
I-4) i-veto ephindaphindiweyo yesazela sangaphakathi, iveza inzondo yalo naluphi na uhlobo kumbhekiso kumama; 
I-5) Ukhuseleko lwesibini luthando lothando.

Ngenxa yoko, ukuchasana kobungqingili ayilulo “uthando lomntu obhinqileyo kumfazi”, kodwa luthando-lobufazi lobufazi obudalelwe i-alibi yangaphakathi angayiqondiyo. 
Olu lwakhiwo olukhuselayo kwi-lesbianism luchaza: 
a. Kutheni le nto abantu abathandana nabathandanayo ababhinqileyo babonwa ngumbambano omkhulu kunye nomona we-pathological. Kwinyani yangaphakathi, olu hlobo lomona alunto ingumthombo wentlanganisela yentswela-bulungisa. 
b. Kutheni le nto intiyo enogonyamelo, ngamanye amaxesha ivezwa kuhlaselo lomzimba, ifihlwe ngobuqhetseba kulwalamano lobufanasini. Umaleko wothando lwe-pseudo (ungqimba wesihlanu) ngumkhuselo kuphela ubuqhuqhuva. 
ngaphakathi Kutheni le nto abantu abathandana nabafana beguqukela kwi-oedipal camouflage (kude nendoda kunye nenkosikazi) -iyayifihla imbonakalo yobudlelwano bukamama kunye nomntwana, obume kwiingxabano zaphambi kwexesha le-oedipal, bezithwele kakhulu ityala.
ngonyaka Kutheni le ilize nje ukulindela ukwaneliseka kobudlelwane babantu ngaphakathi kwesakhelo se-lesbianism. Umntu ongathandani naye ongazithobiyo ufuna ukungamoyiki rhoqo, ngenxa yoko akanako ukonwaba.

Ukufakwa kwe-lescissistic lesbian kukwacacisa ukuba kutheni ungquzulwano olungapheliyo kunye nonina lungasuki. Ngaphantsi kophuhliso oluqhelekileyo, ungquzulwano kunye nonina lusonjululwa yintombazana ngoqhekeko: endala "intiyo" isala kunye nonina, icandelo "lothando" ligqithiselwa kuyise, kwaye endaweni yento ebubini "usana olungumama" (Inqanaba langaphambi kokuzalela) imeko engunxantathu ye-oedipal "umntwana-mama-utata" ivela. I-lesbian yexesha elizayo izama ukwenza okufanayo, kuphela ukuphoswa emva kwimbambano yokuqala. "Isisombululo" se-oedipal (ngokwaso isigaba setshintsho esishiywa ngumntwana ekukhuleni kwakhe kwesiqhelo) kukuba amantombazana athandana namanye asebenzise umyeni-inkosikazi (utata-mama) azifihle njengesikhuselo.

Kuyimfuneko ukwahlula phakathi kweendlela ezimbini zokuchonga ungazi: "ukukhokela" (ukukhokela) kunye "nokukhokela" (ukulahlekisa). Esokuqala simele iminqweno yomntu, ecekethekileyo kwisiphumo songquzulwano olungapheliyo, kwaye okwesibini kubhekisele ekuchazeni kunye nabantu abakhethiweyo ukukhanyela kunye nokwala ukukhalazelwa kwesazela sangaphakathi ngokuchasene nale minqweno ye-neurotic. "Ukukhokela" ukufunyanwa kohlobo olusebenzayo lwesini ekubhekiswa kulo preedipal oomama kunye "nokukhokelela" kubawo we-oedipal. Koluhlobo lokulula, ukubonisa "ukukhokela" kubhekisa emntwaneni, kunye "nokukhokelela" kuye i-oedipal umama. Zonke ezi zinto zingasentla, kunjalo, zixhaswa bubungqina beklinikhi.

Ukongeza:

E. Bergler: Unyango loBungqingili