Udokotela ovelele wezifo zengqondo, i-psychoanalyst kanye ne-MD, u-Edmund Bergler wabhala izincwadi ze-25 ezikhuluma nge-psychology kanye ne-273 kumajenali aphambili ochwepheshe. Izincwadi zakhe zidingida izihloko ezinjengokukhula kwengane, i-neurosis, izingqinamba zokuphila kwasebusuku, ubunzima bomshado, ukugembula, ukuzilimaza kanye nobungqingili. UBerggler wayeqashelwa kufanele njengesazi sesikhathi sakhe maqondana nobungqingili. Okulandelayo izingcaphuno ezivela emsebenzini wakhe.

Izincwadi zakamuva nemikhiqizo yakamuva izamile ukuveza ubungqingili njengezisulu ezingeneme ezifanelwe ukuzwelwa. Ukudluliswa kwezinduna ze-lacrimal akunangqondo: ongqingili bangahlala baphendukela osizweni lwezengqondo futhi belaphe uma bafuna. Kepha ukungazi komphakathi kusabalale kakhulu ngalolu daba, futhi ukukhohliswa kwabantu abathandana nabobungqingili ngombono womphakathi ngabo kusebenza kakhulu kangangokuba nabantu abahlakaniphe impela abazalwanga izolo bazitholela izithiyo zabo.

Okuhlangenwe nakho kwakamuva kwengqondo nokucwaninga kufakazele ngaphandle kokungabaza ukuthi isiphetho okuthiwa singeke siguqulwe sokobungqingili (kwesinye isikhathi size sibangelwe yizimo ezingezona nezegciwane kanye nama-hormonal) empeleni siyisigaba esishintshiwe sokwelashwa kwe-neurosis. I-pessimism yokwelapha yesikhathi esedlule inyamalala kancane kancane: namuhla i-psychotherapyic isiqondisi se-psychodynamic ingalapha ubungqingili.

Ngokwelapha, ngiqonde:
I-1. ukungabi nandaba ngokuphelele nobulili babo;
I-2. injabulo ejwayelekile yezocansi;
I-3. ushintsho lwesimilo.

Eminyakeni engamashumi amathathu yokuzijwayeza, ngiqede ngempumelelo ukwelashwa kwezitabane eziyikhulu (amanye amacala angamashumi amathathu aphazanyiswa yimi noma ukuhamba kwesiguli), futhi ngixoxisane cishe namakhulu amahlanu. Ngokusekelwe kokuhlangenwe nakho okutholwe ngale ndlela, ngenza isitatimende esihle sokuthi ubungqingili bunokubikezelwa okuhle kakhulu ekwelapheni kwengqondo ngendlela ye-psychoanalytic kusukela ngonyaka owodwa kuya kwemibili, okungenani izikhathi ezintathu ngesonto, inqobo nje uma isiguli sifuna ukushintsha ngempela. Ukuthi umphumela omuhle awusekelwe kunoma yikuphi ukuguquguquka komuntu siqu kusekelwa iqiniso lokuthi inani elibalulekile lozakwethu lithole imiphumela efanayo.

Singakwazi yini ukwelapha zonke izitabane? - Hhayi. Izimfuneko ezithile ziyadingeka, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, isifiso sobungqingili ukushintsha. Izimfuneko zempumelelo:

1. imizwa yangaphakathi yecala engasetshenziswa ngendlela yokwelapha;
2. ukwamukela ukwelashwa ngokuzithandela;
3. hhayi ukuthambekela okuningi kokuzilimaza;
4. okuncamelayo kokwelashwa kweqiniso lobungqingili bephupho lobungqingili;
5. ukuntula okuhlangenwe nakho kwangempela kokuncika kwengqondo okuphelele kumama;
6. ukuntuleka kwezizathu eziqhubekayo zokulondoloza ubungqingili njengesikhali esinonya esilwa nomkhaya ozondwayo;
7. ukuntuleka kwesitatimende “esigunyaziwe” mayelana nokungalapheki;
   
8. isipiliyoni kanye nolwazi lomhlaziyi.

1. Imizwa yecala yangaphakathi

Siyazi ukuthi umuzwa wecala ukhona, ngaphandle kokukhetha, kubo bonke ongqingili, nakuba ezimweni eziningi ungabonakali futhi, okubaluleke nakakhulu, ngisho nalapho ukhona esimweni esicashile, awukwazi ukusetshenziswa ngokuhlaziya. Umbuzo uphakama: kuphi ngokuvamile idiphozi? Impendulo ilula kuze kube seqophelweni lokuvinjelwa: kungukuthi, njengomthetho, kufakwe ekucwasweni komphakathi, engozini yangempela yokungqubuzana nomphakathi, nomthetho, nabamnyama. Ukumuncwa esifisweni sokujeziswa kwanele kubo ezimweni eziningi. Abantu abanjalo abafuni ukuphuma embuthanweni wabo ononya ngakho-ke abafuni ukwelashwa.
Imizwa yecala yangaphakathi yongqingili inzima ngokukhethekile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, naphezu kokungabikho ngokuphelele kwecala lokuqwasha, indoda engungqingili eyaza kimi ngenxa yezinye izimpawu zemizwa yelashwa ebungqingilini bayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, naphezu kwalokho okwakubonakala kunecala elikhulu esigulini esisodwa, kwakuncane okwakungasisiza. Akazange aqhubeke nokuqhanyelwa ngaphambi kwesikhathi nowesifazane. Ngakho-ke, kufanele kuvunywe ukuthi asikaqondi ngokugcwele ukuhlolwa okusebenzayo kokuthi kungenzeka ukusebenzisa lo muzwa wokuba necala phakathi kongqingili. Umuzwa wecala ovuthayo ngokuvamile uphenduka insakavukela, ukugcinwa isiguli singanakile ukuze sibonise unembeza waso wangaphakathi: “Angikujabuleli; ngiyahlupheka". Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokwenza isibikezelo, ezimweni ezingabazekayo, isikhathi sesivivinyo sezinyanga ezingu-2-3 sizobaluleka.

2. Ukwamukela ukwelashwa ngokuzithandela

Ongqingili ngezinye izikhathi beza ukuze bezolashwa ngenxa yabathandekayo babo, abazali noma izihlobo zabo, kodwa amandla alezi zifiso ezivusa inkanuko akuvamile ukuba aphumelele. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, kubonakala sengathi kongqingili ayikho into okuthiwa umzali othandekayo noma isihlobo, ukuthi lezi ziguli zigcwele inzondo engazi lutho ngalezo zamuva, inzondo eqhathaniswa kuphela nokuthambekela okuganga kokuzilimaza. Nginombono wokuthi ukuzimisela ukuqala ukwelashwa kubalulekile. Ngokwemvelo, umuntu angazama ukuhlanganisa imizwa yecala ngohlobo oluthile lokwelapha okulingayo, kodwa ngiya ngokuya ngigwema lo mzamo njengoyize.

3. Akuningi kakhulu ukuthambekela kokuzilimaza

Ngokungangabazeki ukungamukeleki komphakathi, kanye nezindlela zokucasha nokuzivikela bonke ongqingili abaphoqeleka ukuba baphendukele kukho, kuqukethe isici sokuzijezisa esimunca eminye yemizwa yecala equlekile evela kweminye imithombo. Kodwa-ke, kuyamangaza ukuthi liphezulu kangakanani inani labantu be-psychopathic phakathi kwezitabane. Ngamagama alula, ongqingili abaningi bathwele isigcwagcwa sokungalondeki. Ku-psychoanalysis, lokhu kungavikeleki kuthathwa njengengxenye yomlomo wobungqingili. Laba bantu bahlale bedala futhi bacasule izimo lapho bezizwa bencishwe amathuba ngokungafanele. Lo muzwa wokungabi nabulungiswa, otholakala futhi uqhutshekiselwa phambili ukuziphatha kwabo, ubanikeza ilungelo elingaphakathi lokuhlala benolaka kanye nenzondo ngendawo abahlala kuyo, kanye nokuzidabukela ngokwabo. Yilokhu kuthambekela kokuziphindiselela lapho izwe langaphandle elingekho ngokwengqondo kodwa eliqaphile likubiza ngokuthi "ukungathembeki" kanye nokungabongi kongqingili. Ngokwemvelo, lokhu kuthambekela kubonakala ngezindlela ezahlukene emazingeni ahlukene omphakathi. Kodwa-ke, kuyamangaza ukuthi liphezulu kangakanani inani lezitabane phakathi kwamaqola, ongoti bamanga, abazenzisi, izephula-mthetho zazo zonke izinhlobo, abadayisi bezidakamizwa, abagembuli, izinhloli, izimpimpi, abanikazi bezindawo zezifebe, njll. "Indlela yomlomo" yokuthuthukiswa kobungqingili empeleni i-masochistic, nakuba ngokuqinisekile inombono obanzi kakhulu wobudlova. Izinga lapho lokhu kuthambekela kokuzilimaza kutholakala kanjani ngokwelashwa kuncike, yiqiniso, ngobuningi bayo, okwamanje obungasungulwa. Ukuhlola inani lokunye ukutshalwa kwezimali kwe-neurotic kwesiguli kukuvumela ukuthi uzulazule ngokushesha. Ngamanye amazwi: isiguli sizilimaza kangakanani kwezinye izici? Laba "bantu abangenakwenzeka futhi abazibona belungile," njengoba umama wesinye seziguli zami echaza indodana yakhe nabangane bakhe, ngokuvamile abasizi njengeziguli.

4. Ukwelashwa okuthandwayo kweqiniso lobungqingili benganekwane yobungqingili

Ngezinye izikhathi kwenzeka ukuthi abantu abasha abakhangwa ubungqingili baqala ukwelashwa kokuhlaziya ngesikhathi lapho sebevele banqume ukusuka ephusheni baye esenzweni, kodwa bengakasitholi isibindi sokwenza kanjalo. Ngakho, ukuhlaziywa kuba i-alibi yangaphandle kubo. I-alibi yukuthi isiguli siyazithulisa, ukuthi sisendleleni yokwelashwa, lokho kumnika ithuba lokululama, futhi konke okwenzekayo ngalesi sikhathi kuyisigaba sesikhashana. Ngakho, lolu hlobo lwesiguli lusebenzisa kabi ukuhlaziya ukuze lubone ukuhlanekezela kwaso. Ngokwemvelo, umongo uyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Ukuqaliswa kwemikhuba yobungqingili ngesikhathi sokuhlaziywa kumelela into engazi lutho yobudlova mbumbulu obuyindelelo obubhekiswe kumhlaziyi, lowo isiguli, ngesikhathi sokudlulisa ukungqubuzana kwenzondo, sihlambalaze ngokungawathandi ongqingili nokubaphatha njengezilo ngesisekelo sokucabangela ukuziphatha. Noma yimiphi imizamo yokukhombisa lezi ziguli ukuthi asiziboni njengezilwane kodwa njengabantu abagulayo ivinjwa ukungathembani. Ngale ndlela umhlaziyi ubhekana nokuhlolwa okungaba mnandi kakhulu ngoba umndeni uzomsola ngokuthi isiguli siphenduke isitabane ngenxa yakhe. Uma umhlaziyi ekhombisa ukumelana okuncane kwangaphakathi noma usizi ekwamukeleni kwesiguli ubudlelwano bobungqingili obusebenzayo, ukwelashwa kufanele kubhekwe njengokungenathemba. Umhlaziyi uzonikeza isiguli kuphela ithuba elifisayo "lokumfundisa isifundo."
Lolu hlobo lwesiguli lweza kimi ukuze lwelashwe i-kleptomania, kodwa futhi lwaluwungqingili. Wayelokhu engiphikisa ethi ngaphakathi ngimbona njengesigebengu, nakuba ngangihlale ngimtshela ukuthi ngimbuka njengesiguli nje. Wake wangilethela incwadi njengesipho futhi wangitshela ukuthi uyintshontshe kuphi. Ngokusobala wayethembele ekufuthekeni kwami ​​ngokomzwelo okwakuzongenza ngibe sengozini. Ngambonga ngencwadi futhi ngacela ukuhlaziya injongo yesipho sakhe esinonya. Kwaba nokwenzeka ukukholisa isiguli lokho okungenani эта incwadi kufanele ibuyiselwe kumnikazi wayo. Ubunzima obunikezwa ungqingili oqala ubuhlobo obuvulekile phakathi nokuhlaziywa bungathatha izinyanga eziyisithupha ngakho-ke kunzima kakhulu ukubekezelela kunecala le-kleptomaniac. Lokhu kubeka umthwalo onzima kumhlaziyi ongeyena wonke umuntu ongawuthwala. Okuhlangenwe nakho kufundisa ukuthi kulula uma isiguli sesivele singene ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuqala ukwelashwa. Lesi siphetho esiyiqiniso asithonywa ubudala besiguli noma ubude bomkhuba waso wobungqingili. Ngamanye amazwi, ngisho noma abantu sebehlanganyele ebungqingilini iminyaka eminingi, izimo ezintathu zokuqala zilula ukushintsha kuneziguli eziqala ukungena ebuhlotsheni ngesikhathi sokuhlaziya.

¹ Lapha ukusetshenziswa kwengqondo kwegama elithi “ukuphendukezela” kumele kuhlukaniswe nelidumile; lokhu kwakamuva kuhlanganisa izimiso zokuziphatha, kuyilapho ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo kusho ucansi lwezingane olwenzeka kumuntu omdala, okuholela ku-orgasm. Ngamafuphi - isifo.

5. Ukuntula isipiliyoni sangempela somqondo ophelele
ukuncika kumama

Ngiqonde amacala lapho umama kwakunguye yedwa umnakekeli. Isibonelo, isehlukaniso sokuqala sabazali noma ubaba ongenandaba ngokuphelele. Lesi simo singaba yindaba yokuhlukunyezwa kwe-masochistic, futhi esimweni sobungqingili, lokhu akukhuthazi.

6. Ukungabi bikho kwezizathu eziqhubekayo zokulondoloza ubungqingili njengesikhali esinolaka ngokumelene nomndeni ozondwayo.

Kunomehluko phakathi kokuthi ingabe ubudlova mbumbulu obubhekiswe emndenini (obubonakala ngobungqingili) bubhekisela "kwisikhathi esidlule somlando" noma busetshenziswa njengesikhali.

7. Ukuntuleka kwesitatimende “esigunyaziwe” mayelana nokungalapheki

Ngingathanda ukuchaza ukuthi ngiqonde ukuthini ngesibonelo. Eminyakeni embalwa edlule ngaba nesiguli esiwungqingili. Wayenecala elibi ngoba wayengenaso isifiso sangempela sokususa lokho kuhlanekezela. Wavumela umngane wakhe osekhulile (owayengusozimboni omkhulu) ukuthi amthele ngezipho futhi ngaleyo ndlela wayesendleleni eya ebufebeni besilisa. Isiguli sasingatholakali nhlobo, futhi ukumelana kwaso kwaqina lapho sitshela umxhasi waso ocebile ukuthi sasisezinhlelweni zokwelashwa, okuyinto kuze kube manje ayethule ngobuhlakani ngayo. Le ndoda yenza okuthile okubonayo ngokudikibala: esikhundleni sokuzama nje ukuyekisa isiguli ekuqhubekeni nokwelashwa nokusicindezela ngezinsongo, njll. - okuvame ukwenzeka - yamtshela ukuthi uchitha isikhathi sakhe ngoba i-psychoanalytic ephakeme kakhulu igunya limtshela ukuthi ubutabane. ayelapheki. Wavuma ukuthi eminyakeni engu-25 ngaphambili, yena ngokwakhe wayethole ukwelashwa kudokotela wengqondo ohlonishwa kakhulu, okwathi ngemva kwezinyanga ezimbalwa, waqeda umsebenzi naye, ethi manje wayesebuyisana nobungqingili bakhe nokuthi okwengeziwe kwakungenakufinyelelwa. Angazi noma yayiyiqiniso noma ingamanga indaba yaleli khehla, kodwa wanikeza le nsizwa imininingwane eminingi ngempatho yayo kangangokuthi le nsizwa yaqiniseka ngempela ukuthi ikhehla lalikhuluma iqiniso. Kunoma ikuphi, angikwazanga ukukholisa isiguli ukuthi ukuqhubeka nokwelashwa kwakuyoba nengqondo.
Ngikholwa ukuthi kungaba ngcono uma izahlulelo ezigunyazayo ezingenathemba zingafakwa. Iqiniso liwukuthi abanye ozakwethu bakholelwa ukuthi ubutabane abulapheki, kanti abanye bakholelwa ukuthi buyalapheka. Asikho isizathu sokukufihla esigulini esingasethembi. Kodwa futhi asikho isizathu sokuphazamisa abanethemba emsebenzini wabo: uma sinephutha, iphutha lethu lizoholela ekuphindiseleni okunzima. Ngakho-ke, ngimemezela ukuthi abahlaziyi kufanele baqaphele mayelana nezindaba ezinjalo futhi, ngaphezu kwakho konke, kufanele bagcine ukungabi nathemba kwe-lectern yabo yangaphambili njengesitatimende somuntu siqu.

8. Isipiliyoni nolwazi lomhlaziyi

Njengoba ubona, ngicaphuna ulwazi olukhethekile lomhlaziyi okokugcina, ngakho-ke alubalulekile kangako. Ngaphandle kokufisa ukungabaza, kufanele ngisho ukuthi lapho ngifunda umlando wecala leziguli ezithandana nabobulili obufanayo eshicilelwe emaphephandabeni ethu futhi ngibona ukuthi izinhlobo ezahlukene zobungqingili zihlukaniswa kanjani, ngiba nombono ofanayo njengokuthi ososayensi babechaza izinhlobo ezahlukene ezithathwe yisihlabathi. ngaphansi kwethonya lomoya, bakhohlwe ukuthi ekugcineni babhekana nesihlabathi kuphela. Amafomu athathwa yisihlabathi angahlukahluka kakhulu, kodwa uma umuntu efisa ukwazi ukwakheka kwamakhemikhali esihlabathini, ngeke ahlakaniphe ngokwengeziwe uma, esikhundleni sefomula yesihlabathi, yena, ngobuqotho obusangulukisayo, enikeza izinhlobo eziningi zesihlabathi ezichazayo. Wonke umhlaziyi unobandlululo olujulile oluvuna ulwazi lwakhe, olutholakala ngokudumazeka okuningi. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​​​komtholampilo, isikhungo sezengqondo kubungqingili besilisa ukunamathiselwe kwangaphambili kwe-edipal kumama kanye ne-breast complex, nokuthi, njenge-Oedipus complex, iyingxenye yesibili kulezi ziguli. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, asikho isizathu sokungabaza isipiliyoni sabanye ozakwethu, nakuba ngokubona kwami ​​bathinta izingqimba ezingaphezulu.
Kufanele futhi sikucacise kahle lokhu esikubiza ngokuthi impumelelo ekwelashweni kobutabane. Ngiyenqaba njengomgomo wokuhlaziya kwami ​​​​umbono ongosomathuba wokubuyisana nongqingili nokuhlanekezela kwakhe njengokuthile okuvela kuNkulunkulu. Futhi ngiyawenqaba noma yimuphi umzamo wokuveza impumelelo yokuhlaziya icilongo, lapho isitabane kwesinye isikhathi sikwazi ukuhlangana ndawonye ngenxa yomuzwa wokuzibophezela, ngaphandle kwentshisekelo kanye nokugcina ukukhangwa abobulili obufanayo. Ngokubona kwami, sibhekene nokwehluleka okumangalisayo kuzo zombili izimo. Njengoba sekushiwo, ngempumelelo ngiqonde: ukuntula ngokuphelele isithakazelo sobulili ebulilini bomuntu, injabulo evamile yobulili kanye noshintsho kumlingiswa.
Ngingowokugcina ngithi lokhu kuyenzeka kuzo zonke izimo. Ngokuphambene nalokho, lokhu kungenzeka kuphela ngeqembu eliqondile nelilinganiselwe labangqingili. Sengike ngabalula ugibe lokwelapha: iziguli eziningi azilokothi zidlulele ngale kokuphuma isidoda ngaphambi kwesikhathi nabesifazane. Into enzima kakhulu ukushintsha ubuntu be-masochistic onomona ngomlomo walezi ziguli, ezingasinda ekunyamaleni kokuhlanekezela uqobo. Idumela elibi lokwelapha kwethu phakathi kongqingili alibangelwa kuphela ukungabaza kokuhlaziya kanye nokusetshenziswa okungafanele kwethuluzi lokuhlaziya. Kulokhu kufanele sengeze ukwamukelwa ngokungakhethi kongqingili abanesimo esibi sokwelashwa (njengoba kuvela kamuva). Iziguli ezinjalo ziba abasakazi abangamaqili benkulumo-ze ngokumelene nathi, zisakaza izinsolo ezingamanga zokuthi ukuhlolwa kwengqondo okucatshangelwayo akunakubasiza ongqingili. Ingozi ingaqedwa ngokukhetha izimo ezifanele. Ngikholwa ukuthi izindawo engizibalile zingasiza kulokhu kukhetha.

Kufanele futhi uqaphele impumelelo mbumbulu ebonwa emacaleni amancane. Sikhuluma ngokunyamalala kwesikhashana kwezimpawu, lapho umhlaziyi ethinta ngokuqondile noma ngokungaqondile izisusa zangempela zesiguli, futhi ngenxa yokwesaba okungenangqondo ukulahlekelwa isakhiwo sakhe sengqondo esijwayelekile, umisa okwesikhashana izimpawu. Kwezinye izimo, ukusabela kokuzivikela kungase kunqume ukubaleka (isiguli esiwungqingili siphazamisa ukwelashwa ngokuzumayo). Isiguli sidela lesi sibonakaliso, kodwa lokhu kwenziwa ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuze kuvinjelwe ukuhlaziywa kokuthambekela okujulile kokungazi nokuqukethwe kwe-libidinal. UFreud wabiza le ndlela yokuzivikela ngokuthi "indiza eya empilweni."
Kunomehluko emibili phakathi kwempumelelo mbumbulu kanye nenqubo yangempela, ezuzwe kanzima. Okokuqala, impumelelo mbumbulu imele uguquko olukhulu ngobusuku obubodwa; impumelelo yeqiniso, nokho, ihlale ibonakala isikhathi eside senqubekelaphambili ebonakalayo kanye nokuhlehla okusobala, kanye nokunqikaza nokungabaza. Okwesibili, akukho ukuxhumana okusobala phakathi kokucubungula izinto kanye nokunyamalala kwezimpawu, futhi lokhu kuqondakala ngokuphelele, ngoba yona kanye inhloso yomhlatshelo ukuvikela izendlalelo ebezingabhujiswa ngokuhlaziywa kwezimpawu. Ngeshwa, kukhona isiqiniseko esiphelele sokuthi impumelelo mbumbulu enjalo izophinde ibuyele emuva.

Imithombo: Edmund Bergler MD
I-Neurosis Eyisisekelo: Ukuhlehla Komlomo kanye ne-Psychic Masochism
Ubungqingili: Isifo Noma Indlela Yokuphila?

Ngaphezu kwalokho:

E. Bergler - Ubungqingili: isifo noma indlela yokuphila?