Mu 1989, omenyera ufulu awiri amtundu wa Harvard lofalitsidwa buku lofotokoza chikonzero cha kusintha kwa malingaliro pakati pa anthu wamba kuti agwirizane ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kudzera mu kufalitsa, mfundo zoyambirira zomwe zikukambidwa apa. M'mutu wotsiriza wa bukuli, olemba adafotokoza molondola za 10 zovuta zazikulu mu mchitidwe wa ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, zomwe ziyenera kuyankhidwa kuti akwaniritse chithunzithunzi chawo pamaso pa anthu wamba. Olembawo alemba kuti amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakana mitundu yonse yamakhalidwe; kuti amagonana m'malo opezeka anthu ambiri, ndipo ngati alowa mnjira, amayamba kufuula za kuponderezana ndi kuchitirana zachinyengo kunyumba; kuti ndi amwano, achiwerewere, odzikonda, okonda zabodza, azisoni, osakhulupirika, ankhanza, odziwononga, okana zenizeni, zopanda pake, malingaliro andale komanso malingaliro openga. Ndizosangalatsa kudziwa kuti zaka za 40 zapitazo, mikhalidwe iyi inali pafupifupi imodzi ndi imodzi yofotokozedwa ndi dokotala wazachipatala wodziwika bwino dzina lake Edmund Bergler, yemwe adaphunzira za kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kwa zaka 30 ndipo adadziwika kuti ndi "wolemba nkhani wofunika kwambiri" pankhaniyi. Zinatengera olemba oposa masamba a 80 kuti afotokoze mavuto omwe amakhudzana ndi moyo wa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Womenyera ufulu wa LGBT Igor Kochetkov (munthu yemwe akuchita ngati wothandizila kunja) m'nkhani yake "Mphamvu zandale zadziko lonse la LGBT: momwe ochita zachiwonetsero akwaniritsira cholinga chawo" adanena kuti bukuli lakhala ABC ya ogwiritsa ntchito a LGBT padziko lonse lapansi, kuphatikizaponso ku Russia, ndipo ambiri akupitilizabe kutsatira mfundo zomwe zafotokozedwamo. Kufunso: "Kodi anthu a LGBT achotsa mavutowa?" Igor Kochetkov adayankha pomuchotsa ndikufunsa chikwangwani, zikuwoneka kuti zikutsimikizira kuti mavutowo adatsalabe. Lotsatira ndi kufotokozera mwachidule.

1. Mabodza, mabodza komanso mabodza
2. Kukana zamakhalidwe
3. Narcissism ndi machitidwe odzikonda
4. Kudzimana, kudziwononga
5. Kuzunza anthu
6. Makhalidwe oyipa m'mipiringidzo
7. Khalidwe losayenera la ubale
8. Kutsekereza kwam'maso komanso opaleshoni
9. Kutsutsa zenizeni, kuganiza zopanda pake ndi mythomania
10. Kukonda ndale za gay ndi kuponderezana kwa kulondola pandale

Mkhalidwe Wathu Wagulu: Kunyada kwa Gay Kumapangitsa Kugwa

Cholinga chathu ndikulemba chaputala ichi

Tinadziwitsa ndondomekoyi kampeni yayikulu ya PR, yomwe iyenera kuyeretsa chithunzi chathu chosayipidwa bwino, koma ngakhale zonama zapamwamba kwambiri padzikoli sizingatheke kukhala ndi chithunzi chabwino pakapita nthawi, ngati sitikhala oyera. Pakadali pano, mphuno zathu (ndi mbali zina za thupi) ndizosadetsedwa. Zowongolera zimatida osati chifukwa cha zabodza zokha, komanso chifukwa cha zomwe timayimira. Amanama kuti moyo wama gay - osati kugonana kwathu, koma moyo wathu - ndivuto lalikulu. Mutuwu ukufotokozerani vuto lomwe lili ndi vuto logonana amuna ambiri komanso chifukwa chiyani.

Chiyani? Kodi anthu owongoka sayenera kusintha?

Tsoka ilo ayi. Inde, akuyenera kuvutika chifukwa cha kuvutika kwathu, koma kungakhale kulakwitsa kukana kuti zolakwa zathu zithandizanso ife. Kwazaka zambiri, takhala tikuwona chikhalidwe chamtunduwu chomwe chimawoneka chosakhazikika, chodzikonda, chowononga, chopusa komanso choyipa. Dera ili ndilofunika kwambiri kuti tisangokhala pheee ndikugwedeza mitu yawo ndikumenya nyimbo yolondola yandale "Chilichonse chomwe chiri gay ndi chabwino." Cholinga chathu pano ndikutsutsa kokhazikika. Timalongosola magulu khumi mikhalidwe yosavomerezeka - zomwe amuna ambiri ogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo amachita komanso zomwe atsogoleri amgonane amatamandanso monga mbali ya moyo wathu. Izi sizingapitilizenso pazifukwa ziwiri: Choyamba, timawoneka oyipa chifukwa cha izi m'maso mwa anthu owongoka, ndipo chachiwiri, zimabweretsa zovuta zosafunikira komanso zimachepetsa moyo wam'magulu azitena.

1. Mabodza, mabodza komanso mabodza

Wachinyamata amene amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha akazindikira kuti siofanana ndi aliyense, nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi zowawa, mantha komanso kufunika konama. Ngakhale sakadandaula ndi kugonana kwake, amapeza chisangalalo chodabwitsa chifukwa akudziwa zina za iye zomwe sizikudziwika kwa ena. Bodza lomwe limakhalapo nthawi yayitali limasinthiratu chisoni, ndipo anthu ayamba kutengera izi, kukumana ndi zovuta m'mbali iliyonse ya moyo. Zikuwonekeranso kuti kuchita mobwerezabwereza kwauchimo uliwonse kumaphimba chikumbumtima ndi zifukwa zosamveka, ndipo kunama sikumasiyananso ndi lamuloli.

Chimodzi mwazitsanzo zazikulu zabodza za gay ndi malonda otsatsa. Simungakhulupilire chilichonse cha zomwe zalembedwamo. Wobala wazaka makumi awiri mphambu zinayi wokhala ndi buluzi wotsika mtengo pamalonda ake nthawi zambiri umakhala wazaka makumi anayi zakubadwa wokhala ndi bere lalikulu lomwe likuyenda pansi pa t-sheti yokhuthala ndi chakudya. Pokwiyitsidwa kwanu, iye akuyankha modekha: "Tonsefe tiyenera kukokomeza pang'ono ngati tikufuna ulendo."

Ophunzira ambiri a chikhalidwe chamunthu amati m'mabuku awo ntchito zodabwitsa kuti ambiri mwa abodza onyenga ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Nthawi zambiri amatha kukhala olota osavulaza, kupanga nthano, koma zomwe zingakhale zabodza kwambiri zimatha kusintha mabodza awo kukhala phindu ndikupanga onyoza. Chifukwa chogwira ntchito komanso kutha kulimbikitsa chidaliro, amakonda kukhala bodza, kumamatira ngati kachilombo kopatsa ndi kudalira. Mtunduwu umapeza amuna okalamba ogonana omwe nthawi zambiri amakhala osakwatira ndipo amafuna kudalira mnyamata wokongola. Ndi makina awo, amawalitsa moyo watsiku ndi tsiku wokongoletsa wamkati wokalamba yemwe, podzuka m'mawa wabwino, adazindikira kuti pulatifomu yake ya American Platinamu, Rolex, ojambula ndalama ndi madola mazana asanu ali ndi ndalama. Dziwani kuti zotsatira zakubera zimatha kupitirira malire am'magulu azigogo, kuchedwa ntchito yomwe timachita ndi anthu owongoka kwa zaka zambiri. Sitikufuna kulengeza motere.

2. Kukana zamakhalidwe

Oscar Wilde adati: "Njira yokhayo yakuchotsera mayesero ndikupatsa." Zomwe zimapangitsa kuti akhale ndi malingaliro okhudzana ndi zamakhalidwe zakhala zikumveka pagulu lachigiriki kwazaka zambiri mpaka pano. Kukana momvekera bwino kwamakhalidwe abwino ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndikwachidziwikire, ndizofalikira paliponse, ndipo ndizowopsa pamachitidwe ake pa moyo wabwino mdera lathu komanso maubwenzi athu ndi zovuta.

Mnyamata yemwe wakumana ndi vuto logonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ali ndi njira ziwiri: atha kuvomereza zomwe zilipo kale ndikudzida, kapena kuyesanso, ndikuletsa kukana tsankho la Yudao -Chikhristu pankhani yogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kupanga zomwe amafuna, ndikusintha chidani chake ndikudzidalira. . Kalanga ine, kwa ma gay ambiri, kuyambiranso sikumatha pamenepo. Amapita patali kwambiri, kuganiza kuti zonsezi ndizopanda pake, ndipo amasiya 100% ya zikhulupiriro zawo zam'mbuyomu. Kwa ambiri, kufunika konama ndikochita koyamba kukhoma. Ngati simukuvomereza zoletsedwa zabodza, ndiye chifukwa chiyani muyenera kuvomereza zoletsa zina?

Pali mgwirizano pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha okhala kumatauni omwe aliyense ali ndi ufulu kuchita zomwe akufuna, komanso kuti palibe amene ayenera kutsutsa zomwe wina akuchita - mtundu wokhota "osaweruza, asaweruzidwe". Kupatula pa lamuloli, ndi ufulu woweruza mwachangu komanso mwankhanza “chifukwa chamalingaliro akadaulo” a aliyense amene atengera mtundu uliwonse wamakhalidwe. M'malo mwake, dongosolo lonselo limafikira ku axiom imodzi: "Ngati ndingakonde, ndikazichita ndikupita kugahena!" Ndipo zomwe zimakonda kuchita amuna kapena akazi anzawo nthawi zambiri zimaphatikizapo mabodza, kudzikonda, kudzimana, kudziwononga nokha, nkhanza , zachipongwe, kumenyedwa ndi chiwembu. Ngati gay akufuna kuchititsa manyazi mlendo woyipa kuphwando, azikhala wankhanza komanso wonyansa momwe angathere, kenako nkupereka ngati "chiwonetsero chazosangalatsa cha kunyansidwa ndi gay." Ngati akufuna kunyengerera wokonda mnzake wapamtima - adzachita izi, kudzilungamitsa pazochita zake ngati ali ndi "ufulu wakugonana", ndikupita ku gehena ndi mnzake. Ngati akufuna kuti adziphe yekha ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso mowa chifukwa chosangalatsa kwakanthawi, amamwa mpaka pansi.

Tidapeza kuti mumakina osokoneza bongo gay chiphunzitsochi chidafanizidwa mwala. Momwe mkhalidwewo umayipira, zimayenera kuwoneka ngati "chikondwerero cha malingaliro athu apadera ndi chikhalidwe." Aliyense amene angatsutse, ngakhale atakhala kuti ndi wolondola motani, angakumane ndi othana mwachangu komanso wolimba, kudalira zopangidwa kale, ndipo, osayankhidwa, mawu osemphana ndi a kunyumba: "Amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amatsutsa moyo wathu sangavomereze kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo ndipo amalimbikitsa kudana kwawo ndi anthu owazungulira. ” Chifukwa chake ngati wina sakhutitsidwa ndi transvestites, sadomasochists ndi andudists akuyenda pagulu la gay, pomwe kukoka mfumukazi imapatsa maswiti a mbolo kwa ana aang'ono, amangodzinyenga.

Chodabwitsa ndichakuti, anthu ambiri ogonana amuna omwe asiya miyambo yachipembedzo amawona kuti zomwe zikuyandikirayoyo sizophweka kunyalanyaza. Akuyang'ana kena kake koti akwaniritse, amatembenukira ku neopaganism, zamatsenga, Age New ndi ma schizoterics ena. Chifukwa chake pali ma comme ngati "Zabwino zoyipa". Monga m'modzi wa mamembala ake adati: "Tili ndi zonse, koma tidayesetsa kwambiri zomwe tinalibe, ndipo sitinadziwe kuti ndi chiyani." Zomwe zimatengera zosafuna popanda kudziwa kuti ndibwereranso ku chiyero ndi maziko amakhalidwe omwe angayambirenso kukhulupirirana ndi kukhulupirirana.

Kukana kwamakhalidwe abwino kumusiya wopatukayo popanda njira zodziletsa komanso zoperewera pazokha. Chiwonongeko chiyenera kutsatiridwa ndi kumanganso, koma ma gay amaiwala za gawo lachiwiri la axiom, lomwe limatsogolera kumangochita zodzikakamiza komanso kudzikonda.

3. Narcissism ndi machitidwe odzikonda

Kunama kumachititsa ena kukana amakhalidwe, ndipo kukana amakhalidwewo kumabweretsa chiwopsezo cha umunthu. Ponena za narcissism, sititanthauza zopanda pake zokha, koma mkhalidwe wazodzimitsa komanso kulephera kumvetsetsa mavuto a ena, pomwe zachabechimodzi ndichimodzi mwazizindikiro. Zovuta zamunthu komanso zamunthu wamatsenga - magulu awiri azachipatala omwe amadziwika ndi American Psychiatric Association, akufotokozedwa ndi mawu awa:

"Odwala omwe ali ndi vuto la hysterical ndi odabwitsa kwambiri ndipo nthawi zonse amakopa chidwi. . . sachedwa kukokomeza. . . sewerani maudindo ngati "mfumukazi" osazindikira. . . zosavuta zokondweretsa. . . kupsa mtima kopanda nzeru. . . kuphulika kwaukali. . . kulakalaka zachilendo, kukondoweza, chisangalalo. . . msanga kutopa. . . osazama. . . kusowa kuona mtima. . . zokongola mwachiphamaso. . . mwamsanga kupanga mabwenzi. . . wofuna, wodzikonda, wopanda nzeru. . . wonyenga. . . ziwopsezo zodzipha, manja ndi zoyesa. . . wokongola, wokopa. . . pachabe. . . kuthawira m'malingaliro achikondi. . . khalidwe nthawi zambiri ndi caricature ya ukazi. . . chiwerewere. . . chidwi pang'ono mu kulingalira mosamala, kusanthula, ngakhale kulenga ndi zodabwitsa. . . amakhudzidwa ndi zofuna. . . nzeru zopanda mizu. . . nthawi zambiri kugwirizana ndi machitidwe ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. . . Kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala molakwika ndi vuto lofala. . . [Odwala a Narcissistic, kuwonjezera pa zomwe zili pamwambazi] amakhala ndi malingaliro odzikuza. . . amafunikira chisamaliro ndi kusilira nthawi zonse. . . Kuzindikira mopitilira muyeso wa mnzake muubwenzi kumasinthidwa ndi kutsika kwake kotheratu. . . kusowa chifundo. . . kudzikonda kopitirira muyeso ndi kudzikonda. . . malingaliro a kuthekera kopanda malire, mphamvu, chuma, nzeru, kukongola, kapena chikondi choyenera. . . Maonekedwe ndi ofunika kwambiri kuposa zinthu. . . kufunika kowoneka mu gulu la anthu "olondola". . . kudyera masuku pamutu. . . Kupanda maubwenzi abwino okhazikika mu ubale ndi ena. . . kutengeka ndi kusunga unyamata. . . bodza lenileni. . "

Kukumbutsa za munthu yemwe umamudziwa? Izi siziri chifukwa kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikwabwino, koma chifukwa ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi osavomerezeka. Mwachidule: kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikumayambitsa Edzi, koma njira yakale yachikhalidwe ya ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi njira yabwino gwira Edzi. Chifukwa chake, moyo wamtunduwu, womwe umayikidwa ndi anthu owongoka mtima ndi amuna kapena akazi amtundu wina, umachepetsa kukana kwawo zovuta zamunthu. Zotsatira zake, tikuwona kuti m'gululi, simangokhala ndi Edzi, komanso chikhalidwe chogonana.

Sitipita kukakhala kopitilira muyeso ndikutchula ma gay onse kukhala omangika. Mawu awa akuwonetsa zolakwika za mawonekedwe omwe aliyense wa ife amagwera, ndipo kusiyana pakati pa matenda ndi zinthu zoipa ndizochulukirapo. Koma zikuwoneka kwa ife kuti ogonana ambiri kuposa anthu owongoka amagwera madera akutali kwambiri. Zowoneka, kuti mayanjidwe achilendo amtunduwu amasintha ambiri mwa iwo kukhala mayeso osavuta, chinyengo komanso zamatsenga, zomwe zimayimira njira yosavuta yotulukera mu zovuta za moyo wama gay, koma mosalekeza zimabweretsa zovuta m'mikhalidwe.

Zitsanzo ziwiri zochititsa chidwi zokhudzana ndi kudzikonda: kukana kupereka thandizo la ndalama kwa mabungwe omwe amagwira ntchito kuti athandizire gulu lonse la agogo, komanso kukana kuchita zachiwerewere. Kodi tinganene chiyani za munthu ngati Gaetan Duga, Ndani adaika chikhumbo chake chokhala ndi moyo wabwino kuposa chikondwerero cha mnzake kuti akhale ndi moyo? Ku 1981, adapezeka ndi Kaposi's sarcoma, koma ngakhale adachenjezedwa mobwerezabwereza kuti akudwala ndipo mwina amatenga matenda, adapitiliza, mpaka kumwalira kwake ku 1984, kuti azigonana mosadziwika ndi anthu osawadziwa. Tsoka ilo, izi sizabwino.

4. Kukopeka ndi zokhumba, kudziwononga

Ngati zotsatira zoyambirira zakukana zamakhalidwe abwino ndizodzikongoletsa komanso kudzikonda, zotsatira zake zachiwiri ndikumangokhalira kufooka, zomwe zimapangitsa, kudziwononga kwambiri. Mwa zolakwitsa zonse zomwe timatsutsa, kudzisangalatsa kumafala kwambiri pakati pa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, momwe kudziletsa kulikonse kumawoneka ngati chizindikiro chodzida nokha komanso kuyeretsa. Izi zimawonekera makamaka pamachitidwe othamanga kwambiri (mayendedwe othamanga kwambiri) ozungulira ma discos, ma sauna, kuyendayenda padziko lonse lapansi, kugula zinthu zodula kwambiri, kuthera nthawi kumaphwando momwe angathere komanso ndi anthu ambiri momwe angathere. , mosiyanasiyana momwe zingathekerere kugonana ndipo makamaka zotulutsa zatsopano zomwe zitha kupezeka. Kupatula kugonana, izi ndi zomwe munthu angayembekezere ngati anyamata azaka zisanu ndi chimodzi atenga dziko lapansi. Kuphatikiza pa kudzikonda koonekeratu komanso kusakhwima kwa moyo woterewu, umatopetsanso ndipo sungamuthandize kwanthawi yayitali. Ali ndi zaka 25, ma laners othamanga kwambiri omwe adatopa ndi moyo wamtunduwu atopa, ndipo mmalo mokhala athanzi komanso azamalamulo, amayamba kufunafuna zosavomerezeka ndi zosaloledwa: mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso kugonana kwachilendo.

Pali zifukwa zitatu zomwe amatengera ma gay kuti atenge mankhwala:
(Xnumx) Kuthetsa mantha ndi zopweteka za kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.
(2) Kuti mukhalebe wopanda mphamvu zamagetsi kuti mupitirize kusangalala paphwando la maola a 36.
(3) Pofunafuna malingaliro ndi thupi komwe malingaliro ndi thupi laumunthu silingathe kumva monga momwe ziliri. 
Zomwe zimayambitsa (2) ndi (3) zimakonda zikhumbo ndipo m'kupita kwanthawi zimadziwononga.

Ngati munthu ali wang'ono komanso wopanda nzeru, maubale osavuta kwambiri a "vanila" - kukumbatirana ndi kuseweretsa maliseche - zimamukwanira. Ichi ndi chinthu chatsopano, choletsedwa, "chodetsedwa" komanso chosangalatsa. Popita nthawi, kugonana kwa vanilla ndi mnzake kumakhala kwachikhalidwe, kosazolowereka komanso kotopetsa, ndipo kutaya mwayi wake wokuyambitsa. Poyamba, wokondana wina ndi mzake samakonda kucheza, ndipo amakhala wochita zachiwerewere komanso wosadziwika. Mapeto, matupi onse amakhala otopetsa kwa iye, ndipo amayamba kuyang'ana chisangalalo m'machitidwe atsopano. Amayesera kubwezeretsa chisangalalo kudzera mu zodetsa "zodetsedwa" komanso "zoletsedwa" zogonana, monga fetishism, urolagnia, Coprophilia, ndi zina zotere. Komabe, kuyesayesa kumeneku sikungalephereke: "dothi" lowonjezereka limangoyambitsa kuzungulira kwamadziwe, komwe kumapeto kwake Zotsatira zake, imasiya kukhutiritsa kapena kusangalatsa. Kuyimilira kwotsatira ndikusowa chiyembekezo.

Si onse ochita zolakwika omwe amaganiza kuti azitha kusindikiza zikanema, koma makonda amenewo akamawoneka, amasangalala nthawi yomweyo, kutulutsa m'mimba mkati ndikuwonetsa kufunikira kwa ntchito yonseyo:

“Miyendo yauve ndi yosasambitsidwa yaminofu. . . misomali yonunkha yosadulidwa. . . pellets pakati pa zala, tchizi kununkha. . . kununkha kwakukulu kwa thukuta lachimuna. . . Kukoka mpweya wakuda mkhwapa osasamba. . . zidetse mu khola lathu. . "

Kugonana kokugonana ndi koyipa kuposa kugonana komwe kumabedwa: kumatha kukhala koopsa. Monga lamulo, abwenzi ogonana mwachangu omwe amagula tikiti yodziwitsira, sitimayi yoyamba kumangiriza ndikupereka, kenako BDSM. Mwa zaka zawo za 30 - 40, zomwe zidakwaniritsidwa mwachangu ndi zosinthika (ndi zopotoza) zamitonthozo yotere, zimapitilira kukwapula, opha anzawo mumasamba ndi kulimba (zomwe sungachite kuti uzithandizira). Pazaka zawo za 50, anthu achisoni awa ali kale pamavuto akulu.

Ochirikiza anganene kuti kugonana “kolimba” n’kopanda vuto ndi kuti kuli “njira ina chabe yosonyezera chikondi,” koma mikhalidwe yake, kafotokozedwe kake, ndi malingaliro ake zimaimira ululu ndi chidani—zimene zimadzutsa chilakolako. Tsoka ilo, ngakhale kuti ululu ndi chidani sizikugwirizana ndi chikondi, zimakhala zofanana kwambiri ndi chilakolako: malo okhudzidwa ndi kugonana ndi chiwawa mu ubongo ndi ogwirizana kwambiri. Kubwerezabwereza kwa mgwirizano umenewu kumalimbitsa, ndipo kumabweretsa kulephera kudzutsidwa popanda chiwawa kapena chiwawa popanda kudzutsidwa.

Sitingayikire kumbuyo machitidwe athu oyipa, ndipo nthawi yomweyo tikuyembekeza kuti anthu azichita mogwirizana ndi zomwe timakhulupirira. Izi ziyenera kusiya.

5. Kuzunza anthu

Mwina mtundu woipitsitsa kwambiri wamakhalidwe osagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi kugonana pagulu. Pomwe tidafika koyamba ku Harvard, tidakhudzidwa ndi anthu ambiri mnyumba zachiyuni zonse, omwe machitidwe awo amadzaza ndi kuchepa kwa madzi oundana, chifukwa chake malo onse okhala amakhala otanganidwa nthawi zonse. Monga obwera kumene, sitinamvetsebe zomwe zikuchitika, koma osadziwa zambiri adatulutsa mwachangu imodzi mwazochitika zachilendo pomwe tidatha kupeza nyumba yathuyathu: dzanja lamanja la wina lidasenda pepala la chimbudzi pansi pa kugawa, ndi zonena zowoneka ngati pepala. Poyerekeza ndi zopereka zambiri zofananira pamakoma, pomaliza tidamvetsetsa zonse. Madandaulo ambiri a ophunzira ndi antchito anachititsa kuti poyesa kuletsa kukalipa, oyang'anira mayunivesite adachotsa zitseko pamakomo onse, ndipo apolisi ovala yunifolomu adayamba kuyendayenda pamalo pofunafuna opotoza. Monga momwe mungayembekezere, nkhani yoseketsa idatulukira mu Harvard Gay ndi Lesbian Weekly, akunyoza ogwira ntchito osakwatirana, ophunzira, ndi apolisi, omwe "adadzaza pagalasi."

Ngakhale akuluakulu akuyesayesa kupondereza izi, gulu logonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha limapitiliza usana ndi usiku kuti achite chimodzi mwazinthu zoopsa kwambiri zachiwerewere (nthawi zambiri pamaso pa anthu owongoka) muzimbudzi zapagulu, m'mapaki ndi m'mabwalo amizinda yayikulu yaku US. Anthuwa samayesetsa kuti azigwira ntchito zachinsinsi, ngakhale atadikirira kuti alendo abwere. Komabe, kwa ambiri, kuthekera kuti agwidwe ndi manja ndi magawo atatu a chisangalalo. Amaseweretsa maliseche mumikodzo, amayenda mozungulira maliseche mchipindamo, ndipo amagwera wina ndi mnzake m'malo osokonekera m'misasa. Akatsanulira umuna - pampando wa chimbudzi, pamakoma, kapena pansi - amawasiya achisanu ndi matope onyansa komanso osavuta kuzindikira. 

Zowonadi, zokopa zambiri zogonana zakuchimbudzi ndizakuti zimachitika m'malo osayera, zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala zodetsa kwambiri, zoletsedwa, zamatsenga, motero chifukwa chofunikira. Koma wowongoka ataona amuna awiri akukhotetsana ziwalo zamkati ndi zolaula m'chimbudzi, izi zimasiya chithunzi chosagwirizana, ndikulimbitsa chikhulupiriro chake chakuti ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndiopusa komanso odwala omwe amachita zinthu zopanda pake pansi chimbudzi, akumasilira zinyalala za anthu . Zowonongeka zimawonjezeka pomwe zolengedwa zotere zimasokoneza anyamata omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha - chitsanzo chowoneka bwino cha chizolowezi cha amuna kapena akazi okhaokha "kufanana ndi anzawo." Kumbali imodzi, kuvutitsidwa koteroko kumalimbitsanso nyimbo yakale yomwe amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amaganiza anyamata omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti abweze. Kumbali ina, izi zikuwulula mabodza omwe akuwonekeranso omwe amachititsa kuti kugonana kwawo kuchitike pakati pa akulu okha, mwachinsinsi komanso povomerezana, chifukwa chake sayenera kuda nkhawa za anthu omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso machitidwe awo opanga malamulo.

Zikuwoneka ngati zosakhulupirika kuti ma gay amatha kukhala osasamala, koma ambiri aiwo amawongoleredwa ndi ma penises awo kuposa ubongo wawo. Zikuwoneka kuti zitsogozedwa ndi zonena za wolemba m'badwo wodziwika bwino William Burroughs, yemwe pofotokoza za kugonana ndi anyamata omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, anati: "Si fagot, ndiye chiyani? Anthu akhoza kupeza malo okhala. ” Tikugogomezera kuti machitidwe oterewa siachilendo. Mnzathu wina wa gay anatiuza mosangalala kuti, atapezeka kuti ali ndi konsati ya rock yaposachedwa kumbuyo kwa mwana wazaka khumi ndi zitatu, anapezerapo mwayi chifukwa chakuopa kwa wachinyamatayo kusuntha ndikuyamba kuguguda pa bulu wake. "Ndatulutsira tsitsi langa," adatiuza, akuseka, "ndipo palibe chomwe akadachita!" Ichi si PR yabwino.

Podabwitsidwa, ogonana ena ali ndi chitsimikizo kuti ali ndi ufulu kuchita zodabwitsazi zimbudzi ndi m'mapaki, ngati kuti adawapangira ngati nsanja. Ena amakafika mpaka kukalipa ndi alendo omwe, kamodzi ku Roma, safuna kukhala ngati Aroma, monga m'modzi mwa olemba magazini ya gay:

“Ndiyenera kupeza chimbudzi chatsopano [chogonana]. Sabata yatha ndinali komweko kuyambira masana mpaka 5pm. . . Bore linabwereranso nati, "Sindikukhulupirira kuti mukadali pano." . . Chifukwa cha ulemu ndinayenera kuchoka kasachepera kanayi. . . Ndinamuuza kuti kuzika dzenje la ulemerero ndi pepala lachimbudzi ndi kuwerenga nyuzipepala ndi makhalidwe oipa kwambiri. Ndinatsala pang'ono kuyatsa pepalalo. . . Kenako achinyamata awiri amakasitomala anabwera ndipo anayesanso kutseka dzenjelo. Ndinakankhira pepalalo kunja ndi kunena kuti: "Usachitenso izi - ndizonyansa!" Ngati mukufuna kuyamwidwa, ikani apa. Ngati sichoncho, tulukani." Kenako ndinatsegula chitseko n’kuuza bwenzi lake kuti: “Izi zikuphatikizanso nawe!” . . Zoterezi. . . Ndimawafotokozerabe kuti khalidwe lawo n’losaloleka!”

Atolankhani ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amatsutsa zonena kuti izi sizabwino, ndipo amanyoza apolisi kuti athetse izi ngati "kuvutitsidwa ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha". Sitikuganiza kuti izi ndizotsutsana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Izi zikutsutsana ndi kuphwanya malamulo aboma, kenanso.

6. Makhalidwe oyipa m'mipiringidzo

Titha kukhala ankhanza bwanji! Ndipo timayenerera bwanji nkhanza zikadzatidzera ngati boomerang! Miliyoni, tikuthawa kutengera kwawo anthu okhala m'matawuni ang'onoang'ono, kuti "tikakhale pakati pa anthu athu" mu ghetto yamzindawu, pomwe palibe amene angafuule "zachabe" kwa iwe, chifukwa onse ozungulira ndi achiwerewere okha. Koma ngati mulibe nkhope yachichepere komanso yokongola, thupi lopakika ndi zovala zapamwamba, pakupondera pakhomo la gay, mudzazindikira kuti amene timawakonda ndi otani: tokha. 

Munthu aliyense wogonana amatha kupereka zitsanzo zambiri, timapereka imodzi yomwe timakumbukira bwino kwambiri, yomwe idachitika pa malo ogonana, pomwe achinyamata ndi "mfumukazi" yaying'ono komanso yodzikuza adakambirana mwamphamvu komanso monyinyirika munthu wamafuta wonenepa ataima patsogolo pawo: "Ah Mulungu wanga! Kodi mukukhulupirira kuti adaganizadi kuti abweretse mtembo wake pano?! ”Timamva pafupipafupi za momwe amwano ndi ogwirizana alili. Ayi, osati nthawi zonse! Ndipo ngakhale palibe amene amakotetsa amuna azithunzithunzi akhungu m'matumba, atagona kumtunda wa gay, akhoza kudandaula kuti izi sizinawachitikire ngakhale pobadwa.

Tikiti yokhayo yokhala ndi moyo wa gay ndiyopatsa chidwi kunja, koma ngakhale sikupulumutsani ku kukhumudwitsidwa. Wothandizana naye wina adalongosola momwe adafotokozera, zaka 13, adapeza zatsopano za mnyamata wotchuka, wokongola komanso othamanga Bobby, yemwe adakhala ndi zonse zomwe akufuna kukhala. Anapitilizabe kumuganizira, kufuna kukhala pafupi naye, ndipo anali ndi nkhawa kwambiri akakhalapo. Chinali chikondi cha ana agalu, chomwe chinali chofunikira kwambiri kuposa malingaliro aliwonse ogonana. Chifukwa chake adakhala zaka mpaka 17, kubisala momwe amamvera, mpaka adakumana ndi zolemba, chifukwa chomwe adazindikira kuti pali anyamata ena padziko lapansi omwe amadzimva ngati iye. Anapita kukoleji, makamaka kuti alowe mumzinda. Atafika mumzinda, adapeza kuti pali chinthu chimodzi chokha chomwe moyo wama gay umayang'ana: e * a.

Amatenda amapangidwa paubwana, mantha awo okalamba amafika pamlingo wachipatala - ndipo apa, monga kwina kulikonse, tikulankhula za amuna ambiri ogonana nawo. Izi zimawonekera mu kupotoza kopitilira muyeso wamalingaliro ndi machitidwe. Ngakhale m'modzi wolemba awa, yemwe nthawi zambiri amakhala wosawonongeka akadziwa choonadi, amachimwa pomaliza chaka chake chobadwa. Kuwonongera zaka zomwe munthu amakhala nazo mpaka zaka makumi awiri kuli pafupifupi kuneneratu. Gay akumenya nkhondo yolimbana ndi kalendala iliyonse, ngati kuti ndi nkhondo pa Marne. Mwinanso amapanga amuna ambiri omwe amagwiritsa ntchito mavitamini, ma seramu, zida zochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi, ma bronzers, ma wigs, ma transplants atsitsi ndi mawonekedwe a nkhope. Koma posakhalitsa, nkhondoyi imatha, yomwe imangobweretsa mavuto ena. Ngati munthu wokalamba yemwe ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzake amasewera makhadi ake molondola, ndiye kuti adzakhala ndi ana kapena ngakhale mwamuna woti adalirane naye. Achinyamata ambiri omwe amakana anzawo pongofuna kusangalatsa unyamata amakhala pakati pa mipando iwiri ndipo amakhala okalamba, osungulumwa komanso omvetsa chisoni. Kodi moyo woterewu uyenera kulimbikitsidwa?

 7. Khalidwe losayenera la ubale

Amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sachita bwino kupeza ndi kusunga mabwenzi. Maubwenzi pakati pawo kaŵirikaŵiri sakhalitsa, ngakhale kuti ambiri mowona mtima amayesetsa kupeza wokwatirana naye. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, aliyense akuyang'ana, koma palibe amene akupeza. Kodi mungafotokoze bwanji chododometsa ichi? Choyamba, izi zimachitika chifukwa cha zodziwika bwino za physiology ya amuna ndi psychology, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale wogonana komanso wachikondi pakati pa mwamuna ndi mwamuna ukhale wosakhazikika kusiyana ndi kulumikizana pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi. Pa avareji, chilakolako chogonana cha mkazi chimakhala chochepa kwambiri kuposa cha mwamuna ndipo sichimadzutsidwa ndi zowoneka. Mkazi amavomereza kwambiri zakugonana kumalingaliro ake kuposa zomwe amawona. Amuna, kumbali ina, samangokhalira kudandaula za kugonana (pafupifupi nthawi zonse), komanso amadzutsidwa mofulumira komanso mozama kwambiri ndi kuona kokha kwa wokondedwa "wabwino".

Kachiwiri, chilakolako chogonana chimadalira kwambiri "chinsinsi," ndiko kuti, mlingo wosadziwika pakati pa okwatirana. Mwachiwonekere, mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo, amuna ndi ofanana kwambiri kwa wina ndi mzake kusiyana ndi akazi, choncho pali zochepa zosadziwika kumeneko. Izi zimakonda kupangitsa amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti atengeke mwachangu ndi anzawo. Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, izi ndizowona makamaka kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, omwe chilakolako chawo chimadutsa mofulumira kwambiri, koma chifukwa chakuti zofuna zawo zogonana ndizochepa, amakhutira mosavuta ndi maubwenzi okhudzidwa.

Njira yokhayo yomwe matupi ambiri amasankha kulumikizana kwawo ndi kukopa kugonana. Maubwenzi okhazikika ndi anthu osawadziwa komanso anthu omwe alibe chidwi nawo amatha kukhala olimba munthawi zonse komanso osafuna kuweruza machitidwe ofunikira. Chikhulupiriro cha amuna oterewa chimatha kulembedwa kuti: "Karl, ngakhale ndi chitsamba, koma ali ndi chitseko chachikulu, mwina ndipite naye kunyumba."

Ubwenzi weniweni mdera la gay ndilovuta kupeza. Ubwenzi pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zambiri umakhala wapamwamba kuposa kucheza ndi anthu owongoka mtima. M'dera lomwe muli maubwenzi apamwamba kwambiri, ngakhale okongola kwambiri amapeza kuti sanganene kuti anzawo sangakhale achinyengo. Monga lamulo, gay ikangosiya gulu la abwenzi, nthawi yomweyo mopanda chisoni amatsuka mafupa onse kwa iye. Ndizosadabwitsa kuti maubwenzi abwino kwambiri komanso motalika kwambiri amtunduwu amapezeka ndendende ndi anthu owongoka.

Kusakhazikika m'maganizo, kuopa kukakamizidwa komanso kudziona kuti ndi wotsika kwambiri kumatsogolera kutaya mtima kwambiri. Pokhala otsimikiza mtima kuti ali opanda pake, amaletsa kumverera kotsimikiza kuti amalakalaka kugonana, akumachita zachiwerewere ndi omwe sanawadziwe. Ndipo ngakhale pafupifupi amuna aliwonse amuna ogonana amuna ndi akazi amafuna kuti apeze chikondi chenicheni, zofuna zake ndizokokomeza komanso zosatheka kotero kuti amangozisiya kuti asakumane ndi munthu wotere. Mwachitsanzo, osankhidwa ake sayenera kumwa, kusuta fodya, kukhala ndi chidwi ndi zojambulajambula, gombe, masewera olimbitsa thupi, kuwoneka komanso kuchita zinthu ngati munthu wowongoka, kuvala bwino, kukhala ndi nthabwala. wometedwa bwino, wokonzedwa. . . mukumvetsetsa. Kodi nchifukwa ninji anthu ogonana okhaokha amadziika m'malo otere? Choyamba, chifukwa amakonda kukhala ndi malingaliro osangalatsa kuposa kuthana ndi zenizeni. Kachiwiri, zimawapatsa chifukwa choyenera choti alibe wina aliyense, ndikuti kugonana kosasamala komanso kopanda tanthauzo ndiko kusakasaka kwake.

"Kusafuna" kukhala ndi zibwenzi zilizonse nthawi zambiri kumakhala kulepheretsa kukhala nawo. Anthu omwe ali ndi vutoli amapitiliza kufotokoza mwatsatanetsatane za kufalikira kwawo, mpaka kulemba mabuku omwe amalongosola "moyo wawo" ngati "kusintha kwa ndale" komanso "ochita masewera olimbitsa thupi ochita zachiwerewere". 

Pomwe, posakhala zabwino, amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amavomereza munthu wamba, nkhondo ya chikondi simalira pamenepo - imangoyambira. Munthu wamba Joni Gay ndikukuwuzani kuti akufuna kuyanjana "wopanda nkhawa" pomwe wokondayo "sachita nawo kwambiri, samapanga zofuna zake, ndipo amamupatsa mpata wokwanira." Zowonadi, palibe malo omwe angakhale okwanira, chifukwa Joni sakusaka wokonda, koma fuckbuddy henchman - bwanawe wofuntha, mtundu wa zida zosagwiritsidwa ntchito m'nyumba. Ngati kukondana kumayamba kuonekera muubwenzi (womwe, mwa lingaliro, uyenera kukhala chifukwa chomveka kwambiri kwa iwo), amasiya kukhala omasuka, amakhala "ovuta" ndikugwa. Ngakhale zili choncho, sikuti ogonana onse amene amafuna "ubale" wouma uja. Ena amafuna chibwenzi chenicheni komanso amapeza. Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani? Posakhalitsa, njoka yamaso imadzuka mutu wake woyipa.

Sipanakhalepo chikhalidwe cha kukhulupirika mu gulu la amuna gonana. Ngakhale gay ali wokondwa bwanji ndi wokondedwa wake, nthawi zambiri amatha kufunafuna x **. Mlingo wa kusakhulupirika pakati pa amuna kapena akazi omwe amakhala “okwatirana”, pakapita nthawi, umayandikira 100%. Amuna, monga tanena kale, ndi abwino kwambiri kuposa azimayi omwe ali ndi mawonekedwe okhazikika, ndipo nkhope zina zokongola mumsasa wapansi kapena supermarket zimatha kutembenuza mitu yawo. Amuna awiri amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ali ndi vuto lambiri lomwe lingachepetse zibwenzi zakumuna.Anthu ambiri okwatirana, kutsatira zomwe sizingatheke, amavomereza "kuyanjana momasuka". Nthawi zina imagwira ntchito: mutamasula nthunzi, wokonda zopanda chiyembekezoyo amabwerera kwa mnzake, yemwe ndi wofunika kwambiri kwa iye kuposa ena. Koma izi sizigwira ntchito nthawi zonse. Nthawi zina maubale omasuka amakhala oyenera kwa wina ndi mzake kuposa mnzake, yemwe amazindikira kuti sangathe kulolera, ndikunyamuka. Nthawi zina izi zimangokhala kuvomereza kwamphamvu kuti maubwenzi samakhazikikanso pa chikondi, koma pazakugonana komanso kubanja. Zotsirizazi zimatha kukhala zonyansa makamaka: okonda, kapena okonda kugona, amasinthana kukhala othandizira othandizana wina ndi mnzake kupeza mnzake wogonana atatu.

Chifukwa chiyani amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amalola nkhumba ndi machitidwe owononga? Pazifukwa ziwiri: 1) chilakolako chadyera; 2) kuopa kuwonetsa zakukhosi ndi kuvutika. Powonjezera kuponderezana, zowawa ndi mantha kwa iwo, timapeza gulu lozizira komanso losungika lomwe anthu amabisala momwe akumvera osati kwa ena okha, komanso kwa iwo eni, zomwe zikutifikitsa gawo lotsatira.

8. Kutsekereza kwam'maso komanso opaleshoni

Aliyense wowonera zawotchera matendawa amakhudzidwa ndi mawonekedwe amisala omwe amakhala achimuna okha - zidole za matendawa, omwe amadziwikanso kuti matenda a Tussaud. Chinthu choyamba chomwe mumazindikira mwa munthu wodwala matenda a chidole ndi kuuma kwake. Monga lamulo, thupi lake limasunthira m'malo osasunthika komanso achilendo, amakumbukira za malo ogulitsira a mannequins (omwe, mwadzidzidzi, amapangidwa ndi amuna gay). Choyimbacho chitha kupopera: mikono mbali, kutulutsa chala chaching'ono; kapena makina achikondwerero: chibwano chowonetsa, manja atambasulidwa, ndi miyendo kutalikirana, monga gawo lomaliza la tetanus. Nthawi zina manja amapindidwa molimba pacifuwa podziteteza. Kukokomeza kwambiri wamwamuna kapena wamkazi kumawonetsa kusatetezeka komanso kusasangalala kwambiri m'thupi. Kuumitsa kwamtunduwu kumafikira kumaso, komwe kumawuma kwambiri pachimake cha chipale chofewa kapena modabwitsa. Ngati zodzikongoletsera zagwiritsidwa ntchito (zomwe zimachitidwa kawirikawiri), zimakhala ngati chipolopolo cha pulasitiki chosakanika cha nyenyezi yokhala ndi kanema wamtundu, ndikulimbikitsa chikhalidwe chosakhala chachilengedwe komanso mawonekedwe ake. Kuphatikiza apo, zingwe zolankhula zimasokonekera mpaka kung'ambika. Liwu limakhala likugunda komanso likutuluka, kapena kufinya ndi kugonthetsa, koma mulimonse - lolimba, losasangalatsa komanso lokhazikika.  

Malingaliro a chidole sicholola chilichonse kudutsa mumphepo yamapiri ya chisangalalo, ndikukhala mtunda wotetezeka pakati paokha ndi malo owopsa. Cholinga chake ndikuletsa chilichonse chomwe chingachitike kuti azindikire mantha ake. Amayenera kuthana ndi nkhawa komanso nkhawa zomwe zilipo, ndikunamizira kuti palibe kanthu, ndipo palibe amene angamupweteketse, chifukwa sasamala. Zonsezi zimatsogolera ku zomwe wolemba wina adatcha "m'badwo wa ayezi wamtima" - kulephera kwa juga kuti achepetse chidwi chawo ndikutsegulira mitima yawo kukondana ndikukhalana wina ndi mnzake monga abale.

Popeza bambo wazigawenga amawopa kuti akhale yekha, ayenera kusewera pagulu nthawi zonse. Mwachilengedwe, amakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi kusewera ndi kuyang'anira chithunzichi chonse. Popanda kukokomeza, titha kunena kuti okonda kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuchitapo kanthu komanso siteji, kukondera kwawo kwakukulu komanso ochita zisudzo kwambiri pazenera lalikulu, chikondi chawo pa zovala - zonsezi, mpaka pamlingo wina, ndizolumikizana ndi mawonekedwe apadera a chidole. 

Vuto lalikulu komanso lofalikira m'dera la amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Madokotala azamisala ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amaganiza kuti pafupifupi gawo limodzi mwa atatu mwa odwala ali ndi vuto lalikulu la mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso / kapena mowa. Potenga zolimbikitsa zakumva kukondwa ndi kudzidalira, kapena zipsinjo (kuphatikiza mowa) kuti ziwononge malingaliro awo ndi momwe akumvera, akuyang'ana ululu wowawa ndi mantha awo. Kwa ena, mantha amamangiriridwa ku chikhalidwe cha anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha: kudzikayikira kapena mantha (okhazikika) okanidwa mwankhanza; kwa ena - ndi manyazi amkati ndi kudzida kwa okha ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Monga njira zina zosakwanira kuchepetsa zodwala zomwe zimakhala zozikika kwambiri pamtundu wa anthu, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumangokulitsa vutoli. Kuphatikiza pa kuvulaza kwawoko komwe zinthu izi zimakhudza m'maganizo ndi m'thupi, chifukwa chake pakuchita bwino, kukhudzika mtima kumabweretsa kutsika kwa moyo ndi ngozi. Kuthawa kwanzeru kuchokera ku zenizeni zenizeni m'moyo, mmalo mokakumana nawo momveka komanso molimba mtima, kumatipangitsa kuti tisadzitetezere ku tsoka lomwe lingachitike.

9. Kutsutsa zenizeni, kuganiza zopanda pake ndi mythomania 

Amuna nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi udani, zomwe zimawapweteka, mantha ndi mkwiyo. Kudzikuza, kusaganizira ena, ubale wapamwamba, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mowa ndi zina mwanjira zosayenera zomwe tafotokozazi zimafunikira kuti muchepetse kupwetekedwa mtima. Koma pali njira yothandiza kwambiri kupha chinjoka: kukana zenizeni. Amuna amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amakana kuti nkhanza zowazungulira sizimakumana ndi zoterezi. Palibe chidani m'malingaliro awo, chifukwa chake palibe ululu, palibe mantha, kapena mkwiyo.

Munthu aliyense, wogonana kapena wowongoka, nthawi ndi nthawi amatha kutengera zongoyerekeza ndikukhulupirira kwambiri pazomwe akufuna kuposa zenizeni. Komabe, ambiri azomwe amagonana amachita amakonda izi kuposa anthu owongoka mtima, chifukwa amayenera kukhala ndi mantha, mkwiyo komanso kupweteka kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, kukana zenizeni ndi mkhalidwe wokhala amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Zoona zimakhala nthawi zonse pamaso panu, zimawoneka bwino pamaso panu. Zovuta kuti akane. Kuti muchite izi, muyenera kumizidwa mu masewera ovuta kumaganiza, kunyalanyaza ndi kupotoza zomwe mukuwona ndi kumva, osaganizira momwe zingawonekere kwa owonerera akunja. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati:

• Kuganiza koyipa -Munthu amakhulupirira kuti akusangalatsidwa, osati chowonadi. Nthawi zina izi zimatha kupitilira modabwitsa. M'modzi mwa omwe timawadziwa, omwe ndi akazi ambiri achikazi, adanena kuti sanamenyedwepo chifukwa cha mawonekedwe ndi chikhalidwe chake. Nthawi zambiri, tikumayenda naye mumsewu, tidawona kuti mawu achipongwe ndi onyozedwa kwa achinyamata ankhanza omwe amachitiridwa chipongwe. Tinadabwa kuti mwina sanazindikire izi, kapena sananene kuti: "Ana awa amangondichitira nsanje chifukwa ndimawoneka bwino komanso ovala bwino!" Chitsanzo china ndi Chotsogolera cha Dr. Fenwick cha Kuteteza Gay Health, kutengera: "Ngakhale pali nthano zowopsa, kutumiza ma anal ndi njira yabwino komanso yabwinodi yoti amuna awiri agonane.". Ili ndi malingaliro owopsa komanso olakwika ngakhale mchaka cha 1983.

• Paranoia - chidwi chofuna kusinthitsa zochitika zenizeni ndi kubedwa kwa nyama, kuwanenetsa kuti ndi gawo laling'ono la otsendereza oyipa. Izi zimawonetsedwa mumayendedwe achiwembu. Mwachitsanzo, CIA idamuimbidwa mlandu wopanga ndi dala kufalitsa Edzi ngati mbali imodzi ya boma yabodza kuti ichotse matupi onse. Kunena zoona zodzitchinjiriza anthu wamba kukhala olimbikitsa nkovuta kwambiri kuposa kuzindikira zoona zokhazokha zakuti kusokonekera kwa mabanja ndi ponseponse, zakuya, komanso kovuta kuzithetsa.

• Kusagwirizana -ofala kwambiri kotero kuti safuna kukhala chitsanzo kapena kufotokoza. Tonse tidatsutsana zomwe wogwirizanitsa wathu wamkazi amagwirizana zomwe sizimakhudzana ndi malingaliro athu kapena ake. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa anapatsidwa malamulo omveka, muyenera kudziwa zomwe simukufuna. Chifukwa chake, ma gay nthawi zambiri amakana mfundo zomveka.

• Kuchulukitsa kwa malingaliro - Njira imodzi yochotsera chowonadi ndi kugwiritsa ntchito njira zamwano zopanda chidwi. Anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amagwiritsa ntchito njirayi akuyembekeza kufotokozera zenizeni ndi zomveka ndi mawu osayenera a zikhumbo zanu.

• Malingaliro osatsutsika - ndimaganizo amtundu wanji omwe amuna kapena akazi okhaokha samakondwera nawo. Pokhala iwowo othamangitsidwa komanso odana ndi kukhazikitsidwa, kukopa kwawo kumalingaliro kuli kwenikweni molingana ndi kuchuluka kwa kunyoza kwawo ndikuwatsutsa. Chifukwa chake, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakonda New Age ndipo zamatsenga, komanso malingaliro aliwonse osatsimikizidwa ndi sayansi, kapena osatsutsidwa ndi izi: zipatsozo; kupenda nyenyezi, kuwerengera ndi piramidi; makhadi a tarot; "Vibes" kuchokera kumakristali ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana yoyipa ya "machiritso". Kutsekemera kosawoneka bwino kwa zinthu izi kumawapatsa chiyembekezo ndipo kumapangitsa dziko lawo ndi moyo kuwoneka ngati wosangalatsa kuposa momwe alili.

M'malo mopenda mwatsatanetsatane mfundozo, kuwerenga vutoli ndi kupeza njira yoyenera yothetsera vutoli, ambiri oterewa amathawa zenizeni kupita ku Netland ndipo amayesetsa mwamphamvu kutsutsa zowona ndi zomveka. Chifukwa chake, zolemba ndi mabuku monga athu omwe amauza anthu amtundu wa gay kuti sizabwino, kuti zili pachiwopsezo, ndipo, choyipitsitsa, chakuti mwanjira ina, tikuyimbidwa, akuwopsezedwa mwankhanza ndi olowerera ndale. Tsopano tikutembenukira kwa akhungu awa akutsogolera akhungu.

10. Kukonda ndale za gay ndi kuponderezana kwa kulondola pandale

 M'nkhani yaifupi ya Clive Lewis "Makalata ochokera ku Balamute," chiwanda chokalachi chimalembera mwana wamwamuna wachinyamata wake: 

“Maonekedwe a mafashoni apangidwa kuti asokoneze chidwi cha anthu pa mfundo zenizeni. Timawongolera zoopsa za m'badwo uliwonse motsutsana ndi zoyipa zomwe tsopano zili zowopsa kwambiri, ndipo timapereka chivomerezo ku ukoma womwe uli pafupi kwambiri ndi zoyipa zomwe tikuyesera kuti ziwonekere panthawiyo. Masewerawa ndi oti azithamanga ndi chozimitsira moto panthawi ya kusefukira kwa madzi ndikusunthira kumbali ya ngalawa yomwe ili pafupi ndi madzi. Umu ndi momwe timayambitsira mafashoni motsutsana ndi zomveka zoyambira. ”

Ndipo ngakhale sitinganene kuti atsogoleri atolankhani achiwerewere ndi anzawo omwe akuchita nawo ngati omenyera ufulu (magulu awiri omwe akuchulukirachulukira) ngati ziwanda, ndi momwe akhala akuchitira zaka XNUMX zapitazi. Kuyambira pomwe tidayamba kuwawerenga ndikuwamvera, takhala otsimikiza kotheratu kuti panali china chake cholakwika, chosawona bwino, chopweteketsa mtima kwambiri komanso chowononga m'malingaliro awo komanso machenjerero awo. M'mayesero awo (omwe nthawi zambiri amapambana) pakupanga njira zandale za gulu lachiwerewere, aponda njira yolakwika yamakhalidwe oyipa, ndikuwononga zolinga zathu. Zitsanzo zochepa za mayendedwe oyipa:

• Olembera olemba, atolankhani komanso amateurs onse pamodzi omwe amatchedwa "atsogoleri ndi oyimira gulu la gay" nthawi zonse amayesetsa kudziwa malo omwe ali amuna kapena akazi okhaokha pokhudzana ndi otsutsa / wozunza, wakuda / oyera, abwenzi / mdani, nafe / motsutsana nafe, osasiya malo oti pakhale kusagwirizana koyenera, komwe kumayambitsa kukangana, kusamvana, kukangana ndi kuvutika. Amawona anthu owongoka ngati adani osatha komanso okhawo omwe ayenera kumenyedwa ndi mano ndi misomali.

• M’maganizo, iwo anazizira m’nthaŵi yakale imene kudana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kunali vuto, ndipo amakana kuvomereza kuti tsopano tikukumana ndi mavuto atsopano, ena okhudzana ndi kudzikonda kwathu mopambanitsa. . Amakana kutsutsidwa kulikonse kwa anthu ammudzi osati kwa anthu akunja okha, komanso ochokera kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, pogwiritsa ntchito njira zopondereza zomwezo: mabodza, kunyoza, kufuula, kukana ufulu woyankha, kutchula mayina, ndi kugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro osiyana, kutaya mosasankha pa aliyense “adani” ali ndi thumba lofanana la mikhalidwe. Kaya kutsutsidwa ndi kwakukulu kapena kochepa, kaya kutsutsidwa ndi gay kapena molunjika, matenda, omwe ndi chinyengo chakale chotsika mtengo, nthawi zonse amakhala ofanana: ndinu homophobe! Ndipo ngati mumadana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndiye kuti muyeneranso kudana ndi akazi, akuda ndi ena onse oponderezedwa ochepa.

• Amazunza olamulira mogwirizana, mokweza komanso mopanda nzeru kotero kuti amataya ufulu wotengedwera mozama. Amaluma mpaka kuluma manja omwe amayesera kuwadyetsa mkati mwa malire a dongosolo, ngati sangawapatse iwo mndandanda womwe anali nawo.

Monga makina a Hamelny opanga zanyengo, amatitsogolera kuchita mopitirira muyeso, kukana zikhalidwe zamabanja, osapereka chilichonse pobwezera, ndipo amatisiyira tokha patokha komanso zachiwerewere. Amadziwa kuwononga, koma osamanga.

• Pazithunzithunzi komanso zopeka zimayamika, kuthandizira ndikulimbikitsa machitidwe oyipa a azitambala wamba (narcissism, hedonism, chiwerewere, zogonana mu saunas), mumulandire ngati "njira yathu yamoyo", ndikuyesera kugulitsa mndandandawu wonyansa osati kokha kwa azithunzithunzi, komanso kwa anthu owongoka motsogozedwa ndi "ndizomwe zimatanthawuza kukhala gay." Amawunikira momwe timakhalira kuyambira pakugonana komanso amathandizira kuti pakhale gulu lomwe sitingapeze chikondi, ndipo zimadabwitsa komanso kukwiya pamene anthu owongoka atitsutsa ngati nyama zomwe zimangokhala chifukwa cha ma f * cles.

• Iwo angayerekeze kuyankhula m'malo mwa anthu onse ammudzi kwinaku akukana ufulu wa "silent most" wa gay kuyimiridwa mofanana ndi molondola m'mabuku awo, kulola "akatswiri" ogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kutiwonongeranso chimodzimodzi. Amatichititsa manyazi ndipo amatikokera pansi pamodzi nawo. Amatiuza kuti ndife odzida, achinyengo komanso achinyengo. Iwo amalemekeza kwambiri moyo wathu kuposa mmene anthu owongoka amalemekeza moyo wawo.

• Amanyoza kuyesayesa konse kopanga ubale ndi anthu omwe ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ngati "thandizo" ndi "kuperekana", amakonda, mwachidziwikire, mikangano zotsutsana chifukwa cha iwo eni, ngati kuti ndizotheka kukhala mosangalala mdera lomwe timanyoza.

******

Ndemanga zathu zidatengera zomwe tidawona, tidamva, ndikuwerenga pazaka khumi ndi zisanu. Monga tidanenera pamwambapa, ntchito zotsogola kwambiri za PR padziko lapansi sizingakhale ndi chiyambukiro cha nthawi yayitali pamalingaliro a anthu owongoka mtima kwa ogonana, pokhapokha ngati omaliza asinthe. Tikudziwa kuti kudzudzula amuna kapena akazi okhaokha si kolakwika pandale, komanso kuti aliyense amene amafunsa moyo wathu ndi mdani. Koma chipewa chili pa mbala, ndipo sitipepesa chifukwa chazovuta.

Source: After The Ball, chaputala 6

Kuwonjezera:

Gay chiwonetseroAfter The Ball"- zinsinsi za mabodza abodza

Zaumoyo komanso zathanzi kwa anthu a LGBT

Chithandizo cha akazi okhaokha