Nkhani yowona za munthu yemwe kale anali wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, yofotokoza za moyo watsiku ndi tsiku wa "gay" wamba - chiwerewere chosatha, chiwerewere ndi matenda okhudzana nawo, zibonga, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mavuto am'mimba, kukhumudwa komanso kusakhutira, kusakhutira ndi kusungulumwa. zomwe zonyansa ndi Datura zimangopereka mpumulo kwakanthawi. Nkhaniyi ili ndi mfundo zonyansa za kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi zotsatira zake, zomwe zimasiya ndowe zonyansa zomwe mosakayikira zidzakhala zovuta kwa owerenga wamba. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, amafotokozera zonse molondola kufalitsa zoyipa za moyo wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha zikuchulukirachulukira ngati utoto wa utoto wokongola. Zikuwonetsa chowonadi chowawa cha kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha monga momwe ziliri - scabbyopusa ndi opanda chisoni. "Kukhala gay" kumatanthauza kuvutika ndi kupweteka kumayikidwa mu chimbudzi ndi magazi, mmalo mongogwira m'manja mwa anyamata aku maso akulu aku Kawaii yoyoynyh zopeka zabodza.
Ku 1989, ndidafika kudera lotchuka kwambiri la Castro ku San Francisco ndili mwana wochepera wazaka pafupifupi 19. Ndidakulidwa wosungulumwa komanso wosungulumwa ndipo ndikufuna kuti ndidzakhale gawo la china chake. Pafupifupi kuyambira pa chiyambi cha unyamata, anyamata ena kusukulu kwathupi adandikana. Ngakhale motsogozedwa ndi testosterone adadumphadumpha kuti achite zinthu zambiri zachimuna, monga masewera andewu, ndidali wamantha komanso wosazindikira. Pamene mawu awo amacheperachepera ndikulimba mtima, mawu anga sanabisike ndipo modabwitsa. Pamene anali kukula ndi kukhala olimba, ndinayamba kumawakonda komanso kukhala amodzimodzi. Amuna achichepere a alpha, monga lamulo, anali opambana kwambiri mu mpira ndipo mosalephera adakhala atsogoleri pakupuma komanso maphunziro a masewera olimbitsa thupi. Nthawi zonse amakhala akunyoza kuti sinditha kuchita masewera ndipo amandiwonetsa kuti ndine wopanda pake. Palibe amene amafuna kunditengera ku gulu lawo. Nthawi zonse ndinangokhala womaliza, ngakhale atsikana ang'ono kuposa ine adasankhidwa.
Panalinso anyamata ena osatengera kalasi m'malasi mwanga - onenepa kwambiri kapena waufupi kwambiri, omwe adachitiridwa chimodzimodzi. Koma atha kusintha kukana kukhala mwayi chifukwa chodzinyazitsa kapena kuseka nane kapena winawake. Sindingathe kuchita izi. Ndinkakonda kutenga chilichonse pamtima komanso nkhawa kuchokera pachinyengo chilichonse. Wogwiritsa ntchito mwankhanza kwambiri wa anyamata aja amawoneka wankhanza kwa ine. Nthawi yomweyo, pamene amakana ndikundinyoza, ndimafunafuna malo pakati pawo. Zomwe ndimaganizira ndili mwana ndidayamba kuganizira za munthu wamkulu yemwe amanditenga ngati mnzake. Nditamaliza sukulu, ndinathamangira kunyumba kuti ndikaonerere Batman ndikudziwitsa kuti ndine Robin. Ndizachilendo kuti mpaka pano, malingaliro osangalatsa okhudzana ndi Batman ndi Robin ali ponseponse mu chikhalidwe cha gay.
Nditafika ku San Francisco, ndidali wamwano, wochepa thupi komanso wowopsa, koma ndidazindikira kuti amuna akufuna kukhala ndi ine. Apa mawonekedwe achichepere anali mwayi wowonekera. Mnyamatayo, yemwe palibe amene amafuna pa timu yake, adakhala wokondedwa. Panalibe kufunikira kwazinthu zofunikira, zimangofunika kulimbitsa mphamvu, kupirira komanso kusawerengeka. Mosiyana ndi ubwana wathu wotayika, panali anthu pano omwe anali okonzeka kutiphunzitsa ndikutitsogolera. Pafupifupi aliyense wa ife anali ndi wokondedwa woyamba, wodziwa zambiri komanso wolimba mtima. M'malingaliro athu, adatiperekeza kudziko la amuna, komwe nthawi zonse timadzimva kuti tili otalikirana. Ndipo pamapeto pake, adakwaniritsa izi ndi thandizo la kugonana.
Usiku woyamba womwe ine ndinapinda mu bar yanga yoyamba ya gay, ndinali osatetezeka komanso mwana wamanyazi. Sindinadziwe choti ndichite. Zomwe ndimakumana nazo zokhazokha zokhudzana ndi kugonana kwa amuna zinali zochepa kuwonera zolaula za gay, ndipo ndidachita chidwi ndi zithunzi izi. Panali dongosolo loyambirira komanso miyambo ya zonse zomwe zimawonetsedwa kumeneko - zazitali ndi zazing'ono, zazing'ono zocheperako, zazing'ono ndi zopanda nzeru. Anthu okhwima komanso olimba mtima nthawi zonse amakhala odzipereka kuchimuna ndi anthu osadziwa zambiri komanso osachita chidwi kwenikweni ndi achinyamata.
Kuchokera pa zolaula, ndimadziwa zomwe ndingayembekezere. Ndinaona makanema okhala ndi mayina ofanana monga: "Abambo, zimapweteka", "Zokwanira, zimapweteka" ndi "Zipweteka". Ine ndimaganiza kusintha kwanga kupita kwa amuna okhaokha ngati mwamwambo wamayendedwe, komanso mkati Mavuto a Edzi, monga amuna azikhalidwe zamtundu omwe amayenera kupirira mazunzo osiyanasiyana akuthupi kuti agwirizane ndi gulu la abambo, ndinali wokonzeka kupirira kalikonse mu izi, ngakhale kufa.
Chodzikanira mu zolaula za gay nthawi zonse zimakhala zogonana. Kugonana kwamankhwala kumapatsa kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Msonkhanowu, womwe umaphatikizapo kusakhala ndi mwayi wowerengeka, umawoneka wopanda ntchito komanso wowonjezera. Kuthekera kwa kuphatikiza koteroko kunali kuyesa modabwitsa, koma ndinali wokhumudwa ndi kuthekera konse kotenga Edzi ndipo ndinakana kuyika moyo wanga pachiwopsezo, ngakhale ndimadziwa kuti sindingakhale bwino mpaka nditapeza kulimba mtima komvera.
Ndinaganiza zambiri za izi ndipo tsiku lina ndikupita ku pharmac yakomweko ku Castro gay mecca, yodzadza ndimankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso kutsuka enemas. Maola angapo otsatira, ndinadya pang'ono ndipo ndimamwa mankhwala otsekemera ndi madzi ambiri. M'mawa mwake, nditatulutsa enema mu phukusi, ndinali kukayikira. Ndi nsonga yake yayitali, yothira mafuta, adawoneka ngati chida chomazunza.
Kwa mphindi zingapo, ndinatsamira pachitsimechi kuchimbudzi, ndikufinya minofu yonse ya thupi langa mpaka kukhala osavutika. Ndikayang'ana m'mbuyo, izi zikuwoneka kuti ndi mwambo wa kuyeretsa pamaso pamwambo wamtundu wachikunja. Ndinafufuza thupi langa kuti ndiyambenso kubadwanso, koma zilibe kanthu kuti ndinadzipaka ndekha ndi madzi amchere, ndinangokhala ngati Nyanja Yakufa ku Sodomu. Kwakanthawi ndinasambira pamtunda, koma palibe chomwe chikanandichirikiza. Zinakhalako zokha.
Ndimamva kuwawa tsiku lonse. Zokhudza kugonana, mosiyana ndi zolaula, sizinatenge mphindi makumi awiri kapena makumi atatu, zonse zinali mwachangu. Ngakhale nthano ya munthu wamphamvu yokhulupirira, kudzipereka kumeneku kunafunikira kupweteka, kupirira, ndi kugonjera. Malingaliro omwe amabwera chifukwa choyesera kupumula minofu ya sphincter, popeza kugwira kwawo moyenera kumatengera kulimbana kwawo kosalekeza, zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri. Sindingathe kuchita izi. Atafika pamayesero, wokondedwa wanga adaika bong pansi pa mphuno yanga. Ndinagwedezeka, ndipo mtima wanga unayamba kutuluka pachifuwa panga.
Mlingo woyandikira anali kwambiri kapena wosazizira, kutengera mawonekedwe ndi mawonekedwe amaso. Ndinabisa nkhope yanga mu bulangeti, kenako ndinalimba mtima kuyang'ana nkhope ya munthu kuposa ine. Panalibe kalikonse. M'malo mwake, chinali chazinthu zofunikira pabanja, koma sindinali mkazi, ndipo ndinalibe maliseche. Pazamoyo zanga palibe chomwe chinasinthidwa kuvomereza mbolo; kunalibe mafuta achilengedwe, ndipo zinapweteka mpaka ndinasiya kumva chilichonse. Nthawi zina, zomwe zinkachitikazi zinkawoneka ngati zoyaka komanso zowawa. Pakufuna kwathu njira yakulimba mtima, tidzipeza tokha kubwerera ku makanda ndi ma diapala. Pafupifupi zaka makumi awiri kuchokera pakutha kwa chikhalidwe chotere, nthabwala zoyipa kwambiri ndizakuti nthawi zina ndimavala ma diap. Mnyamata yemwe amafuna kukhala bambo adakakamira paubwana.
Kuchita sikunasinthe ntchitoyi, ndipo sikuwoneka mwachilengedwe mwanjira iliyonse. Sizinakhale zosavuta. Zoyambirira komanso zoyipa zomwe zidapangitsa kuti kugonana kuzioneka ngati zachipatala komanso ngati zoyeserera. Kwa kanthawi, ndinali wokonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo ndinadabwitsidwa ndi kutuluka kwamankhwala azimayi ogonana, kufunikira kwawo kukondana ndikuwonetseratu - zomwe amuna ogonana amuna okhaokha amayesera kuzichotsa. Izi zikutsimikiziridwa ndi mazana a "mabowo aulemerero" omwe adaboola m'magawo azimbudzi ku San Francisco, chifukwa chogonana wopanda dzina komanso wopanda umunthu komwe kumachitika paliponse pomwe pakamwa pamatseguka. Kusintha kwa njira yogonana mwa amayi kumakonzekeretsa matupi awo kuti athe kulowa. Palibe makina oterewa amakhudzidwa ndi anus yamunthu.
Nthawi ina ndinali wokangalika kwambiri m'mayendedwe anga oyeretsa ndikudziwotcha ndi saline. Anzathu adalimbikitsa ma enemas opangidwa ndi nyumba, ndi madzi ndi soda. Wina analimbikitsa madzi ndi aloe, ndipo chinsinsi chodabwitsa chinali ndi madzi ndi khofi nthawi yomweyo. Mnzathu wamkulu kwambiri kuposa ine, yemwe ndimamudalira mwanjira iliyonse, adanditengera pambali, ndipo tidasinthiratu zokambirana zapakati pa bambo ndi mwana wake. Adalimbikitsa a proctologist wabwino ndikufotokozera kuzunza kwake komwe ndi mankhwala osagwira komanso mafuta osiyanasiyana. Adafotokozera mwatsatanetsatane kupweteka komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha vaseline.
Zotupa ndi enemas ngakhale kamodzi pa sabata zimaphwa kale membala woonda wa rectum. Mmodzi ndi mmodzi, ndinatenga matenda angapo opatsirana pogonana - woyamba rectal gonorrhea, kenako rectal chlamydia. Ndili ndi zotupa, zomwe poyamba sizinkandivuta, popeza khungu langa lomvera silinali kuyankha bwino mafuta oyendetsera omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito. Zonunkhira zapaderazo zinali zopanda ntchito, ndipo zilonda zam'mimba ndi matuza zinayamba kufalikira mkati. Kwakanthawi ndithu ndinapitiliza kugona ndi anal. Palibe amene ankawoneka kuti akuwona buluku langa lotseguka pang'ono m'mabwalo amdima a San Francisco, zowawa zokha sizinapirire, ndipo ndinatembenukira ku chipatala chakomweko. Anandipatsa mankhwala amphamvu. Mimba yanga sindinkayenda nawo bwino, ndipo kwa masiku angapo ndinadwala ndi zowawa komanso ndimatumbo osatha.
Kwakanthawi, ndinatsala pang'ono kusiya zochitika zonse zogonana zogonana, koma zovuta zanga za pakhungu zidachoka ndipo ndinabwereranso kwa iye. Pazifukwa zina sindikanatha kuyima. Zinali zodabwitsa kuti munthu wina yemwe akundilowa amangopangitsa kuti azikhala wokhutira kotero kuti thupi linamukana. Zinali ngati kutenga Ecstasy usiku wamalonda ndi kugonana. Ndinkamva kuti mankhwalawo akufalikira. Mu ma ola osangalatsa awa, ndinali amodzi mkati mwanga, thupi langa ndi chilengedwe. Kenako, ndikumatsata zogonana ndi abambo, ndidagwa nditazindikira kuti ndinali nditatsekeka mu msampha wakale wamau. Nthawi yomweyo mtima wanga unayamba kubwereranso, ndipo ndidatsata kuyitanidwa kuti ndidye ndekha ndi china chochokera kunja, ngakhale sichikhala bwino.
Pofika kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 1990, sindinali wamng'ono komanso woonda, ndipo anyamata atsopano omwe amafika ku San Francisco anali osiyana ndi omwe adabwera kale. Iwo analibe mantha kwambiri. Kwa mamembala otsala am'badwo wanga, mphira wochepa kwambiri womwe udawasiyanitsa ndi okondedwa awo udali wokulira ngati khoma lamanjerwa. Kondomu idayimira chotchinga chomaliza pakati pa amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi cholinga chawo chamisala yosadziwika. Ndinawona kuti ndi anyamata angati omwe asiya mndandanda wakale wopatulika wosalembedwa wogonana mosatekeseka usiku wonse. Masiku amenewo, kwenikweni aliyense amawoneka akugonana mosadziteteza. Ndinachita chidwi ndi kukonzanso mwadala kwa 70 hedonism. Mabala achiwerewere ndi zibonga adasewera nyimbo zonse zachikale zamu disco. Kunali kubwerera ku m'badwo wagolide wa ufulu wakugonana.
Komabe, chombo chamtengo wapatali chamaloto athu chinali lonjezo linanso. Mwadzidzidzi, aliyense wazungulira ine anayamba kudwala. Kachiromboka kanakhudza kwambiri omwe anali adakali aang'ono kuti azisaka zachiwerewere. Anakumana ndi zovuta zambiri mnjira imeneyi kuti angatenge kachilombo ka HIV komanso mitundu yonse yamaopsezo opatsirana mwanjira, kukhumudwitsidwa ndi kukhumudwa. Mpaka pano, ambiri mwa "amuna ogonana" omwe ali ndi kachilombo ka Edzi ali gulu la zaka 25 - zaka 34.
Kuwonongeka kolumikizana koyembekezeredwa, komwe kumayenera kuchitika kudzera pakukhudzana ndi khungu, sikunapangidwe. Akuluakulu ambiri omwe amuna awo anamwalira ndi okondedwa chifukwa cha Edzi mu 80 ndipo amadziwa kale chikhalidwe cha gay, chomwe chimapangitsa kuti anthu ambiri azifa, pang'ono pang'ono adatembenuka ndikukhazikika komwe amakhala kunja kwa Castro. Mokulira, adapanga gulu lomwe pambuyo pake limakakamira ukwati wokwatirana. Kwa kanthawi ndinali m'modzi wa iwo ndipo ndimakhala okhutitsidwa ndi wokondedwa m'modzi. Koma kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikunakhalepo chipembedzo chonyenga. Gulu la gay ndi gulu la malo osiyanasiyana omwe amakhala mkati mwa mipiringidzo, saunas, ndipo tsopano pamaofesi a geosocial, komwe zithunzi masauzande opanda mutu zimayamba kuwoneka ngati zidutswa za miyala ya ma demigods akale achi Greek ndi Roma. Koma milungu yachimuna ndi milungu yambiri ya milungu yambiri yabodza, yomwe iliyonse imalonjeza mosangalatsa kwa opembedza.
Wokondedwa wanga wokhalamo anali guwa limene ndinagwadapo kangapo, koma nthawi iliyonse ndinkafuna kudzuka ndi kuchoka chifukwa mapemphero anga oti kukwaniritsidwa kwamkati anali osayankhidwa. Sodomu, ndi ukhondo wake, wakhala ntchito yolemetsa ndi yotopetsa, yomwe nthawi zambiri imafuna ntchito yamanja yamphamvu kuti amalize ntchitoyi. Pamene milungu yachiwerewere imalowa m'thupi la munthu wina, mgonero wabodza wa magazi umachitika, umene subweretsa chipulumutso. Kukwera ndi kutsika kwa ziyembekezo kumafuna ulendo wopita kudziko lapansi popanda Holy Sepulcher. Kupembedza kumakhala kwaulesi komanso kukhazikika pansi pa kulemera kwa moyo watsiku ndi tsiku wokhumudwitsa. Kusowa kwa munthu wofunidwayo kumapweteka kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, kukondana kwambiri nthawi zambiri kumabwera chifukwa choseweretsa maliseche komanso kugonana m'kamwa. Ndatopa ndi kutulutsa tsitsi langa lobisika mkamwa mwanga usiku uliwonse. Mphindi yathu yapadera yomasulidwa inachitika mosiyana, nkhope ya wina itakwiriridwa pamphuno ya mzake. Izi ndizofala kwambiri pakati pa omwe amatchedwa "mabanja ogonana ndi amuna okhaokha," omwe m'mbuyomu adayambitsa lingaliro la "f * ck buddies," kufotokozera anthu ogonana nawo pomwe awiriwo amavomereza kukhala pachibwenzi chomasuka pomwe amakhalabe okondana. Nthawi zina wokondedwa sadziwa pamene wina amapita ku sauna kapena kutsegula mbiri pa Grindr. Sindidzaiwala mnzanga wapamtima amene ankada nkhawa mosalekeza chifukwa cha khalidwe langa losasamala, yemwe pambuyo pake anamwalira nditasintha okondedwa ochepa chabe, atatenga kachilombo ka HIV kuchokera kwa bwenzi losakhulupirika.
Chinsinsi cha Edzi chakhala chikundisangalatsa nthawi zonse mpaka pano. Zinali ngati kuti umuna ulibe kwina koti upite ndipo palibe choti ungachite, ndipo m'kukhumudwa kwawo adatembenukira iwo omwe amawagwiritsa ntchito molakwika, kuwapangitsa kudwala ndi kufa.
Pambuyo pazovuta zambiri zakanthawi, ndidadwala ndikutuluka m'mimba. Ndidayesa kuchiza ndimankhwala ogulitsira m'sitolo ndi ma suppositories. Tsiku lina ndinakumana ndi anzanga pachakudya chamadzulo, pomwe mwadzidzidzi panali mafuta ochuluka kumbuyo kwanga thalauza langa, mosadziwika bwino kwa ine. Aliyense anamvetsa zomwe zinali kuchitika ndipo sananene chilichonse, koma zinali zochititsa manyazi. Pambuyo pake, proctologist adalimbikitsa opaleshoni. Ndinakana.
Mavuto osalekeza omwe amakhala ndi gawo ili la thupi langa amandipangitsa kuti ndizolowerera kwambiri, ndipo izi zidakulitsa vutoli. Ndidachita rectum ngati chitho chamkazi, ndipo mlingaliro lina, idayamba kuchita motero. Mwachitsanzo, kununkhira nthawi zonse kumakhala vuto nthawi yogonana kwamasamba, ndipo wina amati ndiwothandiza kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo a vagin ngati Eve ya Summer. Izi zinagwira ntchito kwakanthawi, koma kenako kupwetekako kudakula. Mulingo wa asidi wa rectum wanga unali wofanana ndi dziwe losiyidwa la Arizona lokhala ndi madzi obiriwira odzala ndi tchire la udzudzu. Chodetsa nkhawa china chonse chinali kuthekera kwa zomwe zimadziwika kuti "miss" pakugonana. Ndamva nkhani zikufotokozedwa mobwerezabwereza, zamtundu waulesi zomwe siziteteza. Nthawi ina, pogonana popanda kondomu ndi chibwenzi changa, modzidzimutsa ndidamva kuyipa koopsa. Ndidatulutsa chiwalo ndipo ndidapeza kuti chidakutidwa ndi ndowe. Usiku womwewo zonse zidatha kwa ine.
Ndakhala ndikudwala matenda angapo a yisiti kangapo. Nthawi zonse ndimayembekeza kuti sichinthu china ndipo ndimangopita kuchipatala ndikachedwa. Ululuwo unali wosapiririka. Kuyabwa kosalekeza ndi kuyabwa kunapangitsa khungu langa kukhala lofiira ndi lopweteka. Thupi langa limatuluka nthawi zonse ndikutuluka, komwe kumakhumudwitsanso minofu yoyandikana nayo. Nthawi zambiri, maantibayotiki asanayambe kugwira ntchito, ndinkangovala zikhomo zazimayi zamkati mkati mwa kabudula wanga wamkati. Poyamba ndinkachita manyazi mpaka mzanga atandiuza za wokondedwa wake - bambo yemwe ndimamuwona ngati umuna wankhanza. Ngakhale pakadali pano anali wothandiza yekha, iye, monga womanga zolimbitsa thupi, amayenera kuvala matewera achikulire kumalo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi chifukwa cha kuyesayesa, adadzichitira zachinyengo.
Komabe, sindinachite mantha kwenikweni, pokhapokha ngati ndimatsuka mthupi ndimakomedwe ndipo enemas anakwiya kwambiri m'mimba mwanga, zomwe zimapangitsa zomwe proctologist amatcha spastic colitis. Nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndikukhazikika pakati pa kudzimbidwa koopsa ndi kukokana kowawa komwe kumayambitsa matenda osokoneza bongo pafupifupi. Kuchulukitsa vutolo, kumetedwa kwakanthawi kwa malo a anal kunapangitsa khungu kukwiya komanso kuyamba kutenga matenda.
Panali ndewu yopitilira pakati pa kapangidwe ka thupi langa ndi zomwe ndimafuna kuchita nazo. Zikuwoneka kuti ndimamvetsetsa kuti ndimataya mtima, komabe, nthawi zonse ndimapeza chilimbikitso pakati pa abwenzi omwe anali ndi mavuto omwewo komanso mumasewera osangalatsa a gulu logonana amuna okhaokha omwe amavina pamavuto onse komanso matenda. Tidapitilizabe kugundidwa, koma nthawi iliyonse timafika. Mu imodzi yanyimbo zomaliza zomwe ndidamva ku kalabu yachipatchi, ndidayimba:
Kusungulumwa kwanga kumandipha
koma ndikuvomereza kuti ndikhulupirirabe ...
Ndinkakhulupirirabe kuti zinthu zikhala mosiyanasiyana. Ngakhale sindimakhulupilira za pambuyo pa moyo wamoyo, kukumbukira anzanga omwe adamwalira kale, ndimaganiza kuti akupumula kukumbatirana kwamuyaya komwe kumatsalira kwa iwo moyo wonse. Nthawi zina ndimaganiza kuti kukumbatirana kwamuyaya kumeneku kumaimira kukunda imfa. Zinali kuyamba kundikonda.
Ndisanachoke mnyumba madzulo, ndinayamba ntchito yoyeretsa, kenako ndikukhala pachimbudzi ndikumapanikiza kwa mphindi zochepa. Ma hemorrhoids anga adayamba kuvuta. Adayamba kutuluka, kenako rectum yanga idayamba kugwa. Zotsatira zake, ndimatuluka magazi ndimatumbo onse. Ndinazindikira kuti kukhala ndi bala lowala mthupi langa kunandipangitsa kuti ndizitha kutenga kachilomboka. Kenako sindinamvetsetse kuti chilonda china, chomwe sichinawonekere chomwe chinkandizunza kuyambira ndili mwana ndi chomwe chidayambitsa mavuto omwe ndidakumana nawo. Pofika nthawi imeneyi, ndinali ndimadwala pafupipafupi motero ndinkaonetsetsa kuti ndayamba kale kudwala.
Kenako ndinaloŵa m’gulu la anthu opanda mantha, achichepere ndi osadziwa zambiri, osungulumwa ndi oledzera, amene mwina alibe kachilombo ka HIV.”operekera zikwama” ndi amene ali ndi kachilomboka kale. M'magulu awa, kunamizira kugonana kotetezeka kunalibe, kapena mlengalenga unali wokondwa kwambiri kuti aliyense ayime ndikutsegula phukusi la kondomu. Kwa mbali zambiri, anthu a m’dzikoli ankaona kuti maganizo awo a zakugonana ndi ofunika kwambiri. Ambiri, monga ine, anali amuna omwe amatha kutsekereza msewu wa njerwa wachikasu kulowa m'mbali iliyonse. Sitinapeze gawo la kulimba mtima kolimba kuchokera kwa mfiti ya Mzinda wa Emerald, chifukwa tinabadwa kukhala "akazi" ndi "ofooka". Sitinathe kupita kwathu, kotero ife tinapandukira kusweka kwathu ndi kufunafuna machiritso mkati mwathu.
Otsatira okonda kwambiri anali omwe amalakalaka kuti atenge kachilombo kuchokera kwa wopereka kachiromboka. Kusagonana kothekera kudzera mu kugonana kwa amuna okhaokha kapena akazi okhaokha kumasiya kuzindikira kwa onse omwe akukhudzidwa. Kubwezeretsako kunkaphatikizapo kuyambitsa tinthu tomwe timayipitsa mu umuna, komwe kumatha kudutsa membrane wa khungu lililonse, ndikusintha wolandirayo. Izi zinali zotsatira zowawa za mtundu wosavomerezeka, womwe, monga mnyamata, ndimayesetsa kukwaniritsa chilungamo kudzera pakugonana ndi amuna ena. Izi sizinachitike. Pokhumudwitsa, kufunafuna kuleza mtima kwa tanthauzo lakuya la kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumayamba, ndikufufuzidwa kwina kwakukulu.
Kufunika kogwiritsa ntchito kondomu pogonana kunayiwalika mosavuta mu gawo logonana. Zomwezi zinachitika ndi mafuta omwe amayenera kugwiritsidwa ntchito ngati mafuta. Kutengera ndi malo ndi zochitika, amuna ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amatengera malovu anu kuwongolera malowedwe. Ndi kukangana, malovu amayamba kuuma komanso kumamatira, ndipo ma enzymes ake am'mimba amamva ngati akuwumba khungu loonda kwambiri. Kuphatikiza apo, machitidwe oyamba a kutsekula m'mimba amatha kupangitsa kuti amuna kapena akazi okha azitha kutenga matenda opatsirana komanso matenda otsegula m'mimba otchedwa shigellosis.
Kwakanthawi, osadziwa, ndidadwala matenda othamangitsa khosi. Zizindikiro zanga zokha zinali kupweteka pang'ono komanso zilonda zapakhosi, zomwe ndinatengera kuzizira. Pambuyo pake ndidayamba kuwopsa yodziwika bwino ya stomatitisndipo ululuwo udakula. Zinali ngati ma tonne anga amangokhalira kuphika kumbuyo kwanga.
Kumayambiriro kwa vuto la Edzi, mtolankhani wina wotchuka wa gay Ma Randy Shields adaneneratu mtundu wofalikira wowonjezera kutentha mdziko la gay, chifukwa cha kusowa kwa njira yolepheretsa azimayi komanso testosterone wambiri, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zinthu zizikhala zambiri, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti onse omwe akukhudzidwa aphedwe:
"Palibe chilichonse chazomwe zimagona amuna zomwe zitha kupititsa patsogolo miyambo yaimuna, yopezeka kuti yaledzera monga munthu wina aliyense wamkazi yemwe sanaganizirepo. Zachiwerewere zili ponseponse, chifukwa mu zikhalidwe zochepa zokhala amuna okha, palibe amene angakane. Palibe amene ali ndi gawo lofanana lofanana ndi la mayi yemwe amakhala pachiwerewere. Amuna ena omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amavomereza kuti angasangalale ndi malingaliro ogonana osachedwa, opezeka, ngakhale osadziwika omwe amaperekedwa ndi amuna gay ngati angapeze azimayi ofunitsitsa kutero. Zachinyamata, zimagwirizana, nthawi zambiri. ”
Usiku wina wozizira wozizira ndinakhala ndekha mchipinda changa ndipo sindimatha kupumula. Ndinayang'ana pazenera ku Castro Theatre ndipo ndimatha kuona mbendera yayikulu ya utawaleza ikuuluka pamphepo. Ndinakumbukira nthawi yoyamba yomwe ndinazungulira phirilo ku Divisidero zaka 10 zapitazo ndipo ndinawona amuna ambiri achiwerewere akuyenda opanda malaya, olimba mtima komanso onyada. Tsikuli linali lofunda komanso lokongola modabwitsa. Mitundu yowala ya mbendera idawonekera ngati prism yolimbana ndi mitambo yopanda mitambo, yabuluu yabuluu. Zinandidabwitsa chifukwa mkatikati mwa vuto la Edzi, ndimayembekezera kuti ndidzakhala mufilimu yoyipa yakuda ndi yoyera yokhala ndi Zombies zomwe zili ndi HIV zikundidikirira kuti zindisake ndikudya thupi langa. ... Koma ndinali ndi zochepa zochepa. Ndiyenera kuti ndiyike pachiwopsezo, ndikuyika moyo wanga pamzera kwakanthawi kachikondi, kapena kuti ndidzasiyidwa ndekha kwamuyaya. Wachiwiriyu anali wosatheka. Imfa inali yabwino kutsutsa malingaliro anga. Ndikundikundikira pamphumi pagalasi lozizira lazenera, ndinazindikira kuti patadutsa zaka, ndabwera mozungulira. Popanda kuganiza, ndinalowa mchimbudzi ndikukwawa pansi pa sinki pomwe panali ma enemas anga. Tsiku limenelo ndinali ndi yomaliza. Ndinakhala pachimbudzi ndikulira. Sindinadziwe zomwe ndimachita, koma zilizonse, sindimafuna kuzichita. Panthaŵiyo, ndinadzimva wokakamizika ndipo ndinkatsala pang'ono kudziŵa zochita zanga. Ndinamva mawu m'mutu mwanga akunena kuti, "Simuyenera kuchita izi," koma thupi langa limayang'aniridwa kutali.
Ndinatuluka panja, ndikutembenuza ngodya ndikulunjika ku kalabu yomwe ndimakonda kwambiri. Nditangobwera kumene ku San Francisco, ndimangolankhula ndi amuna ena m'chipinda cha alendo ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Posapeza chikhutiro, ndidafuna kupemphera m'Malo Opatulikitsa. Ndidasankha kalabu yachiwerewere, yomwe ndidadutsa kambirimbiri, koma sindinayerekeze kuti ndipite. Pakhomo lakuseri kwagalasi loonera zipolopolo panali khonde lomwe linali lojambula. Ine ndimayembekeza kuti anali wowerenga zamkati mkati. Nditangolipira kuvomereza ndikuyenda pakhomo, mumdima wamkazi wothandizira adatulukira kwina konse. Anali wamantha komanso wamtundu ngati mtsikana. Kuchepa kwake kunali konyansa komanso kopanda chikumbutso zamafuta amwana komanso kutulutsa maluwa posachedwa. Munjira yachilendo, adandikumbutsa za kulephera kwa abambowo kubereka ana. Anali chizindikiro cha chisokonezo. Tinkawakonda amuna omwe amawoneka ngati amuna. Panali malamulo okhwima pachikhalidwe cha amuna gay, komanso kukokera quins anali kuwonedwa ngati opambana ngati amawoneka ngati amuna ndi akazi okhaokha [koma osawoneka ngati akazi]. Anandipatsa kondomu komanso chikwama cha mafuta ngati ketchup. Ndinkaponyera chikwama changa kuchipinda cha Locker ndikupitiliza kuyendayenda m'chipindacho, nditavala kwathunthu. Ndingatani i Ena onse anali amaliseche kapena amavala thaulo loyera m'chiuno. Wothandizira wopanda mawonekedwe adandiyandikira ndikudzudzula chifukwa cha umbuli wanga. “Simungayende pano zovala,” analangiza motero. Ndidabwerera kuchipinda chotsekera ndipo ndidachotsa chilichonse.
Kapangidwe kakeko kanali ndi madera angapo okhala mwadzidzidzi, komwe kunayamba kuda pang'ono kulowa. Zokongoletsera izi zidaphatikizira zidutswa za amuna onse: makina opukutidwa, mapilo amtundu wakuda ndi ma phula okhala ndi ma bodybuilders. Malo apatsogolopo anali opindulitsa kwambiri, kumbuyo kwake kunali zipinda zopanda kanthu zopakidwa zakuda. Poyamba ndinakhala m'chipinda cha bar, chomwe chinatsegukira m'chipinda chosanja chopangidwira ndi suna. Awa anali mabwalo achiwonetsero, omwe, monga m'zipinda zosiyana, ma gay mosazengereza adasinthiratu zowawa za ubwana, pomwe zosaseketsa pambuyo poti amaphunzira maphunziro olimbitsa thupi adakonzedwanso m'njira yamtundu wa mankhwala. Apa, osachepera usiku umodzi, chisokonezo cha ubwana chinatsala pang'ono kutha, koma nthawi yomweyo olowezana omwewo kunyumba yosungirako sukulu adasungidwa, komwe ochititsa chidwi mwathupi adakhalabe akuluakulu. Kukanidwa kunalipo, koma kunali kochenjera, ndipo aliyense, ngakhale wogulitsa komanso okalamba, akhoza kupeza wokwatirana naye. Choyipa chachikulu, mzipinda zam'mbuyo zidali ndi amuna omwe amangofuna thupi lamphongo lokha magazi omwe amayenda m'mitsempha yake. Palibe chomwe chidapita mozama kokwanira. Monga ma dildos amtali opusa omwe amagulitsidwa mu shopu iliyonse yogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, palibe chomwe chingalowe mkati ndikugwira pazomwe zimapweteketsa. Ndinakumbukira mzanga yemwe anali ndi maluso odabwitsa kulimba. Adalota kuti tsikulo lidzafika lomwe iye angavomereze bamboyo pamwamba pa chopondera. Zinali ngati zomangidwanso zachilendo za nsembe yaumunthu ya Aztec, pomwe wansembe adalowetsa mtembowo ndikutulutsa kamtima kamene kakumenya wozunzidwayo.
Kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kunali chisakanizo chosangalatsa komanso kuzunzidwa. Njira yodziwonetsera yokha yomwe mabala obwera kumene samachira, ndipo achikulire amaiwalika. Osimidwa, chilichonse chimakhala mtundu wankhanza kwambiri: amuna amamangidwa ndikuzunzidwa, monga momwe amasewera zolaula zomwe zikuwonetsa kuphedwa kwa Chikhristu choyambirira. Kusiyana kokha ndikuti kumasulidwa sikuchitika kudzera mukuvutikira, kotero aliyense amapita patsogolo pang'ono.
Ndinatuluka m'chipinda chosambira ndikupita ku gawo lalikulu lokhalidwa ndi zolemera ndi mabenchi osiyanasiyana ophunzitsira. Mtundu wamiyala yamakoma umakhala ngati shopu yamakina kapena garaja. Malowa adasiyidwa theka, koma kununkhidwa kwapadera, komwe kumakhala kuphatikiza kwamphamvu, konyowa mpweya kuchokera ku chipinda chosambira ndi musk wochokera ku ngodya zakuya pakalabu. Izi zinali zosokoneza komanso zoledzeretsa, zomwe zidabweretsa kutsogolo kukumbukira kwakumbuyo kwazaka zonse zaanthu komwe ndidachotsedwa kwina konse. Pokhala mwana wosatetezeka nthawi zonse, ine ndimayang'ana kutsogolo ndikuopa chipinda cha amuna chotsekera ku malo osambira, komwe banja langa limakonda kupita kuchilimwe. Cholinga changa sichinali kungoyang'ana munthu wamaliseche; chisangalalochi chinali chabe kukhala pakati pa amuna. Izi zinali zokwanira kulongosola mtengo wolowa mu gay sauna kapena disco. M'malo mwake, tinali okonzeka kupereka chilichonse.
Ndidapuma mozama ndipo, motsogozedwa ndi kuchuluka kwa adrenaline komanso kufuna kukhala nawo, ndidalowa nawo mgulu la amuna oyenda kwinakwake. “Penapake” anabisidwa mumdima wathunthu. Ndikhoza kupanga mafotokozedwe osamveka bwino ofanana ndi maonekedwe a anthu. Kutsogolo sindinkatha kupanga benchi yamakona anayi, yomwe, ngati pansi, inali yokutidwa ndi zinthu zakuda. Atatsamira pa benchi, amuna angapo amaliseche anali atagwada. Sindinathe kuwona mitu yawo kapena nkhope zawo, matako awo otukuka okha. Ndinaima osasuntha kwa masekondi angapo. Nachi. Ndinali nditafika pachimake pa zilakolako zanga zakuya. Mapeto enieni a mwamuna aliyense wamwamuna ndi kukhala atagwada, akutambasula matako, kuyembekezera kuti mwamuna wina adzawonekera. Pokhapokha msonkhano wongoyerekeza uwu ndi wopitilira muyeso, ndi Wamphamvuyonse, umatha ngati kugonana kwa amuna - ndikutsika kowononga kwa androgens mpaka pamlingo wodutsa kupsinjika. Zimapangitsa aliyense kuganiza. Chotsatira chake, amuna okhaokha amayesa kuyeretsa kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha mosadziwa, ndipo mwa kusimidwa kwawo kumakhala chinthu chakuda. Queer theorist ndi wolemba mbiri Michael Bronski anakumbukira mmene San Francisco kugonana gay zibonga isanafike nthawi AIDS anakhala "tchalitchi" ndipo, kwa iye, "zodabwitsa ndi zopatulika, ngakhale woyera."
Mu 2013, woimira gay komanso wachitetezo wina wa ku Spain, dzina lake Dan Savage, yemwe adakweza ngati Mkatolika, polankhula pa pulogalamu ya Bill Maher, adati: “Kwa iwo omwe amati amuna awiri sangabereke mwana, ndimayankha kuti kwa Mulungu palibe chosatheka. Chifukwa chake, ndipitilirabe kulanda mwamuna wanga ndi kusala zala zanga ”. Ngakhale zinali zamanyazi komanso zamanyazi, kwa nthawi yoyamba kuyambira pamene a Randy Shields adachoka padziko lapansi, china chake chowulula mowonekera chidanenedwa ndi amuna gay pankhani yogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Savage mosazindikira adaulula cholakwika chachikulu pakuyesera kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha: moyo wake wosawonongeka. M'malo kuvomereza chowonadi ichi, pali kusintha kwakukulu pazomwe zimadziwika kuti "miyambo ya heterocentric." Ngakhale ziwonetsero zisanachitike a Stonewall, omwe akuchita upainiya wolimbirana ufulu wa amuna ndi akazi anzawo, Karl Wittmann, mkuwukira kwake "Gay chiwonetsero"Adapereka chenjezo lotsatirali:
"Amuna amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ayenera kusiya kudziyang'ana pawokha momwe amatsata maukwati omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Maukwati omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha adzakhala ndi mavuto omwewo omwe amakhala amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo kusiyana komweku nkukhala koti kudzakhala parody. Ufulu wa amuna ogonana ndikuti ife tidziwitsa momwe tikhala ndi omwe, m'malo mowunika maubwenzi athu ndi anthu owongoka ndi zikhulupiliro zawo. "
Moyenererana ndi bizinesi yaimuna, omasulidwa ku malingaliro a akazi ndi atsikana, amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri komanso kusagwirizana, chifukwa chake kuchuluka otsika ukwati wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha (9,6%), pomwe lingaliro la Obergefell lidangokulira ndi 1,7%, komanso kuteteza kachilombo ka HIV pakati pa amuna omwe ali ndi ubale wodalirika. Zomwe Wittmann adalimbikitsa ndikuti, ndi zenizeni zomwe zimachitika pakati pa abwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, omwe nthawi zambiri sakhala amwano koma adakambirana maubale omasuka. Komabe, maonekedwe amapangidwa omwe amafanana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Sizachilendo kuti amene amayambitsa ukwati wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha anali amuna okalamba komanso amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Mkhalidwe wawo wotsutsana ndi amuna ndi kusasiyana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi (ngakhale kuti amakhala ndi mavuto azisangalalo) sanasinthe zifanizo za amuna, zomwe mwa ma 70 zimaperekedwa molondola potengera ogwirira mafoni a castro ndi gulu la Village People. Chifukwa chake, ndizovala zamakono zomwe zimagwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri komanso zamakono kwambiri zazithunzithunzi, monga Nate Berkus ndi Neil Patrick Harris.
Kugonana kwachilendo komanso koopsa kwa ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumangopezeka mu zolaula zokha. Mpaka kumapeto kwa ma 1990's, kugonana kwa anal popanda kondomu kunali pafupifupi kosayenera mu zolaula za gay. Kenako wojambula zolaula waku San Francisco wotchedwa Paul Morris adasinthiratu dziko loipa la nthawi ya Edzi. Kuchokera nthawi imeneyo, kuchuluka kwa amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amagonana ndi kondomu nthawi zonse popanda kondomu, ikupitiliza kukula.
kondomu")
Chikondwerero chotseguka chakugonana osatetezedwa, komanso machitidwe ena osagwirizana, omwe amapangitsa kuti ukwati ukhale wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, zinayambitsidwa ndikukumbukira zoyipa za Edzi. Ili lidali yankho la iwo omwe akufuna kubwerera ku 70, ku chithunzi cha munthu yemwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe adalamulira zaka makumi awiri zapitazo - chithunzi cha wofera wotopa komanso wodziwika. Koma posachedwa, paradigm yatsopano yapangidwa, limodzi ndi kuphatikiza kosamveka kwa amuna omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kukhala pagulu la LGBT lopanda nzeru, ndi mzimayi wamakhalidwe oyipa ngati njira yake yosavomerezeka - Ellen DeGeneres.
Moyo wanga komanso miyoyo ya amuna kapena akazi amtunduwu omwe adapulumuka nthawi yayitali iyi ikuwonetsa ziyembekezo, nkhawa, komanso kugwa komaliza kwa nthawiyo komanso kuyesa konse kwa amuna kapena akazi anzawo. Kupatula apo, tidafika ku San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles kapena kwina kulikonse ndi chiyembekezo chofananira: kupeza wina woti timukonde, ndikuti adatikondanso. Poyamba, zoyeserera zoyambirira, zomwe zimaphatikizapo kugwiritsa ntchito makondomu, nonoxynol-9, ngakhale madamu a mano, zidawoneka ngati mtengo wotsika pambuyo pazaka zopweteka komanso zovuta zamtunduwu, pomwe tidavutika kuti tidziwe tanthauzo lathu. Kusamba pang'ono, kuwonerera mpweya wamamuna m'khosi lathu kunali kokwanira kutipatsa chisangalalo. Kenako zonse zimasintha. Awe amasintha pang'ono komanso amakhala ochepa mphamvu. Kupita ku bar kapena disco kumakhala ngati kumayang'ana magazini yakale ija yolaula yomwe umaba m'sitolo yakomweko ngati mwana. Katundu wanu wamtengo wapatali ukamazunzidwa, ndiye kuti umamtaya. Tsoka ili likuchitika pakati pa amuna onse, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, omwe amakhala akusungabe zolaula za intaneti.
Poopa kuti chisangalalo chikuwoneka ngati chikutha, amuna ambiri amakhala ndi nkhawa ndipo zochita zawo zimakhala zopanda ulemu komanso zachiwerewere. Pofika kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 1990, mnyamata wazaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi zitatu yemwe anali wamantha anali wokhoza kuchita chilichonse. Kwa kanthawi, chiwonetsero chinali zosangalatsa zatsopano zonse. Ndisanayambe kugwiritsa ntchito malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, ndinkadziwonetsera nthawi yochita masewera olimbitsa thupi ku kalabu ina ya zigawenga. Pamapeto pake, ndidagwa ndikugwera pa siteji, ndikulowa mumtsinje wa umuna ndi mafuta omwe adatuluka kwa omwe adachita kale. Ndinayamba kugonana m'mapaki am'deralo, mgalimoto zoimikidwa, zimbudzi zonyamula anthu kunyadira amuna okhaokha. Usiku womwe ungakhale womaliza kukhala gay, ndinali wokonzeka kuyika pachiwopsezo chilichonse komaliza. Kufufuza kwanga kodziwika, chikondi, ndi umuna kunakhalabe kokwanira komanso kopanda chiyembekezo. Ndinafika pafupi pomwe ndinayambira, nditaima pafupifupi nthawi yomweyo mlengalenga zaka khumi zapitazo. Koma ndinali ndimantha. Za mnyamatayo, sanandisiye. Moyo wamtundu wa gay komanso kugona ndi amuna sikudamupange kukhala mwamuna. Adali pafunafuna, pomwe adanditenga. Thupi langa lokha linali likugwa.
M'mawa kwambiri, nditazindikira kuti ndili ndi chibwenzi chogonana, ndinadumphira pansi ndikumenya mu dzenje. Ndinali kusanza magazi, ndipo m'mimba mwadzidzidzi matumbo anga anapangitsa kuti m'matumbo mwanga mukhale kanthu. Ndinafikira zovala zanga zamkati - ndimatulutsa magazi mkati. Moyo wanga unkayenda kuchokera mbali zonse ziwiri. Pomwe, lingaliro langa, panali khomo lokweza, ine ndidagogoda njira yopumira. Uku kunali kunyinyirika kwanga komaliza. Ngati kumwamba kumatanthawuza moyo wamtundu wina pambuyo pa moyo, ndipo gehena ikakhala kumapeto kwamuyaya ndi kosatha kwa chizunzo ichi, ndikadakhala temberero.
Ndinalowa ku San Francisco ndimapazi anga, koma ndinawusiya pamtunda. Munthu amene wandinyamula tsiku lamdima uja anali wosiyana ndi aliyense yemwe ndidakumana naye. Adatenga thupi langa lopanda moyo kumudzi - kunyumba kwa makolo anga. Pamenepo, ndinadzuka m'chipinda changa chogona, nditakumbukira zinthu zambiri za ubwana. Pabedi lomwe ndidasangalale nalo nthawi yanga yoyamba kugona tulo, tsopano ndidonthetsa magazi.
Miyezi yotsatira idakhazikika pamisonkhano yambiri ndi madotolo osiyanasiyana, akatswiri ndi madokotala othandizira opaleshoni. Manyazi ndi zopweteka zomwe ndakhala ndikuthawa kwanthawi yayitali zidali zosatheka. Pamaso pa opareshoni, adandikakamiza kuti ndiyambanso kuchita mwachipongwe njira yomweyo yomwe ndimachita.
Munthawi ya ndalamayi, gawo langa la rectum lidachotsedwa chifukwa cha zipsera zamkati mwamkati. Monga munthu amene anamangidwa ku Marquis de Sade, ma sphincters anga adasoka ndi chingwe cholimba. Anandipatsa mndandanda wautali wa zomangamanga ndi zotayira, zomwe ndinayenera kumwa kwambiri kuti ndipangitse matumbo kupitirira dzenje lopapatiza. Kusamala sikunathandize, ndipo ndinachotsa ma seams. Kuti ndisiye magazi, ndinayika thaulo m'makabudula anga ndikupita kuchipinda chadzidzidzi. Ndikuyang'anira khoma la chipinda chodikirira, pakati pa ana akutsokomola ndi okalamba omwe ali ndi chizungulire, magazi adayamba kudutsa akabudula.
Kwa maola angapo otsatira, ndidayala pa gurney yolimba yachipatala. Ndinaitana namwino, koma panali phokoso. Achinyamata angapo amagona pafupi ndi ine kumbuyo kwa nsalu yotchinga: m'modzi amapezeka ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo ambiri, ndipo winayo atadwala kwambiri ziwalo za m'chiberekero chifukwa cha matenda opatsirana pogonana. Iwo anali purigatorio.
Ndidayenera kupita kuchimbudzi, ndipo ndidasinthira kuchimbudzi ndikutsukira pansi. Kubwerera pabedi langa, ndidasiya njira yofikira kumbuyo. Awa sanali malo apakati pakati pa thambo ndi dziko lapansi - anali gehena. Ndidamwalira ndipo adanditumizira mazunzo osatha monga munthu wovuta - mnyamata wokhala ndi mutu wosweka. Chifukwa chodandaula kwambiri za asing'anga ndi anamwino, ndinatuluka m'chipatala ndipo ndinapita kunyumba.
M'masiku angapo otsatira, sindinadye kena kalikonse koma granular, fiber yamafuta osakanikirana ndi madzi ndi madzi a maula. Nditayimirira pakusamba, ndinadzigwetsa pansi. Sindimatha kukhala kapena kupsinjika. Nthawi zingapo ndinalibe nthawi yochoka pabedi langa kupita kuchimbudzi. Mita imodzi kuchokera kuchimbudzi, ndinadumphira pansi ndikugwera pansi, yomwe inayamba kuterera chifukwa cha kugona.
Thupi langa linachira pang'onopang'ono, koma komabe, ndinapitilizabe kuchita uve. Opaleshoni ina itsatira, kenako ina. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, ndikupitilizabe kuvutika ndi kusakhalitsa pang'ono. Ngakhale panali zovuta, kupweteka kwakanthawi ndimanyazi, ndimadziona kuti ndine wodala chifukwa ndinatha kuthawa kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha mosatengera zochita za anzanga ambiri. Zipsera zina zimakhala ndi ine ndikadali ndi moyo, koma nditha kukhala nawo. Mwanjira ina, ali chikumbutso chosalekeza cha momwe ndidalili ndi momwe Mulungu adandipulumutsira. Ena amakhala ndi zilembo zosavomerezeka za chitetezo cha m'thupi zomwe zimabisala m'thupi lililonse. Koma pazaka zonsezi, mavuto anga azaumoyo adakulirakulira. Ndikumva bwino. Anzanu ochepawo omwe adapulumuka m'mbuyomu ali m'mavuto omwewo. Timaperekezana wina ndi mnzake kukalandira kwa adotolo, timatumizira timakalata posonyeza kuti tikufuna kuchira komanso timapemphera kuti tichiritsirane wina ndi mnzake. Kufunafuna kwathu kunatha m'maloto osakwaniritsidwa, matupi owonongeka ndi manda akufa.
Mukulakalaka kwathu kosamvetsetsa dziko lapansi ndi ife eni, tinali okonzeka kupita motsutsana ndi chilengedwe komanso Mulungu mwini. Tidanyalanyaza zoyambira zaku thupi, ndipo pazophwanya izi tidalipira kwambiri, pamodzi komanso payekhapayekha. Pochita izi, tinaponyera matupi athu komanso chikhalidwe chozungulira. Poyesayesa momvetsa chisoni kuti tisinthe, tinapempha anthu kuti avomereze kupanduka kwathu. Koma malamulo okhazikitsidwa ndi anthu sakanatha kusintha maonekedwe athu.
Source: Joseph Sciambra. Kupulumuka Kugonana ... Mosamala. Zosintha.
Kuchokera pamawu omwe tatsalira pamawu oyambira:
mosaonetsera
Ndinazindikiranso izi, koma osati ku San Francisco. Izi zimachitika ndi ife mumzinda waukulu uliwonse. Ndinkafuna kuvomerezedwa ndi kukondedwa ndimwamuna, koma ndimaponderezedwa mobwerezabwereza. Ndine wazaka 62 ndipo ndiyenera kuvala matewera. Kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi sakramenti la satana ...
Michael
Choonadi ndi kukongola. Mawu anu ndi okongola. Ndinali ndi chokumana nacho chofananacho, ndipo tikuwoneka kuti ndife amsinkhu wofanana, kotero ndikhoza kutsimikizira zonse zolembedwa - chiganizo chilichonse chimakhala chowona ...
Joe
Zonsezi ndi zoona. Ndili pafupi ndi msinkhu wanu. Ndinafika ku Chicago ndikukhala mdziko lino zaka 10. Herpes, mphere (osafunsa), syphilis, vuto lalikulu la bowa wamisomali ndipo pamapeto pake limakhala ndi HIV. Ndinali munthu wabwino, zomwe sizinandipulumutse ...
George
Ndinachitiridwa zachipongwe kuyambira 8 mpaka 12 zaka, ndipo kuyambira zaka 11 ndidayamba kumenya izi ndi anzanga. Ngakhale sindinazindikiridwe kuti ndine "gay", ndidayendetsa mobisa zofuna zanga kuti ndibweze zomwe zandibera, ndikupondaponda amuna ena kudzera pakumanganso kwamisala, nthawi ino paulemu. Ndinayang'ananso lingaliro lakukhala munthu, chilimbikitso, chidwi, komanso malingaliro abwinobwino omwe abambo anga anapangira mwa ine ngati mwana (koma sanatero). Chikhumbo chosakwanira chothana ndi abambo chinadzakhala chimvula, zomwe zimangandipangitsa kumva wosweka kwambiri komanso wosadetsedwa kuposa momwe ndidayamba. Zomwe ndidatsata zidakhala ukazi wanga. Pazaka za 49 zokha, pafupifupi kugwidwa, zomwe zitha kuwononga banja langa ndi banja langa, ndipomwe ndidazindikira zonse.
Mu ubwana wanga ndinali ndi amalume awiri ogona, mmodzi wa iwo anamwalira ali ndi zaka 18 kuchokera ku bongo, ndipo winayo adakhala ndendende monga momwe amafotokozedwera, ndikusiyana kokha kuti adamwalira ali yekhayekha kundende, ngakhale anali wokondedwa kwambiri ndi ife - banja. Sanathe kuvomereza kuti ngakhale anali ndi zonse zomwe anali, amamukondabe. Moyo wake padziko lapansi pano sunasiye chikumbutso chilichonse chokhudza iye. Ndizomvetsa chisoni kuganizira izi, koma zili. Ngakhale ndili wachinyamata, ndimadziwa kuti abwenzi ake ambiri adamwalira ndi Edzi, ena ndidakumana nawo. Ena, monga iye, adadzimwa okha kapena adadziledzeretsa kuti afe ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Ngakhale ndili mwana, ndimadziwa kuti izi (kukhala gay) sizomwe ndimafuna m'moyo wanga, komabe, ndinali wakhungu komanso wotayika mu zofooka zanga zonse, ndikuyendetsedwa ndimalingaliro omwewa aumisala. Ndikuthokoza Mulungu chifukwa chotsegulira maso anga ku chowonadi ichi.
Mwambiri, aliyense wa ife amasankha momwe angatayire thupi lake, osati a Timura Bulatov ndi olamulira aku Russia.
pitani ku gehena wosayankhula
Mukutanthauza chiyani
Ndinakulira munthu wabwinobwino. Ndinkawakonda atsikana.
Zowona, nthawi zambiri ndimapeza chidziwitso chotchedwa "chikondi cha amuna kapena akazi okhaokha" ndipo izi zidandidabwitsa komanso kunyansidwa. Pamene ndinali kuphunzira pasukulupo, pakati pa anzanga apamtima angapo, ndinakumana ndi mnyamata amene anali kundimvetsera kwambiri. Poyamba sindinkasamala za khalidwe limeneli. Koma nditaphunzira kwa miyezi ingapo ndi kukhala paubwenzi, ndinazindikira kuti ndinakopeka naye. Zinali zopweteka. Sindinazolowere maganizo oti ndinali m’chikondi. Tsiku lina, ndinayamba kuyankhula za izi ndi mnzanga, ndipo adavomereza kwa ine kuti anali wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kuti anali atasankha kale kudziwika kwake kale, ndipo izi zinali "zachibadwa" ... Ndipo izo, ndithudi. , tikhoza kuyamba chibwenzi. Ndinali wokonzeka kuvomereza, koma chinachake chinandilepheretsa kuyankha nthawi yomweyo. Ndipo ndinayamba kufunsa za iye, ndikutsata ... Zinapezeka kuti anali ndi kachilombo ka HIV (anandibisira) ndipo sananyansidwe ndi maubwenzi achidule. Koma ndinali "wopanda mutu", ndipo ndinaganiza kuti sizinthu zonse zomwe zinali zodabwitsa, kuti apa zinali, "chikondi" chenicheni chabwera. Ndiloleni ndikusungire nthawi yomweyo kuti sindinathamangire mu "ubale" ndipo kugonana sikunachitike pakati pathu. Mnzanga wina anandidziŵitsa kwa anzanga. Ndinadabwa ndi momwe subculture iyi imalankhulirana wina ndi mzake m'chinenero chosamvetsetseka ndi manja achilendo. Koma pang’ono ndi pang’ono, anzangawa ankandipempha kuti ndipite kokacheza kapena kokayenda limodzi. Sindinakonde wina aliyense kupatula chinthu chomwe ndimakonda. Komabe, ndinayamba kulandira zinthu zosiyanasiyana. Ndipo mu kalabu ya gay imene tinayendera madzulo ena munali bacchanalia weniweni, chinthu chimene ndinali ndisanachiwonepo.
Zinkawoneka kwa ine kuti china chake chikundiyesa mphamvu. Ndinaleka kuyankhulana ndi munthuyu komanso kampani yawo. Kufotokozera mnzanga wakale kuti izi siziri za ine. Chifukwa sindikuwona kuwona mtima komanso kukhulupirika. Ndinayesera kukhala mosiyanasiyana popanda iwo, kuyesera kuti ndisasokoneze malingaliro anga panjira iyi. Nditasiyana ndi kampaniyo, makalata osadziwika nawo adandigwera, koma sindinasamale.
Ndinayesera kuwongolera. Pozindikira kuti mwanjira ina ndikanakopeka ndi kampani yosasangalatsa yotere, komanso "yofunikira", ndinasonkhanitsa mphamvu zanga ndikupita kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo-psychologist. Ndipo anandithandiza! Kuvutika maganizo ndi kuvutika maganizo kunachira pang’onopang’ono. Ndiko kuti, chidwi changa mwa mnyamatayo chinayamba chifukwa cha kusagwira bwino ntchito kwanga mu psyche ndi endocrine system!
Zaka zambiri zadutsa, moyo wabwino, ine ndi banja la banja.
Ndinachita mwayi, ndinapambana mayeso osasweka. Tsopano ndili ndi zonse zomwe aliyense angafune. Kukopa kwa Episodic kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumatha kuchitika kwakanthawi, chinthu chachikulu sikukulitsa "kulephera mu dongosolo" mwa inu nokha. Pokhapokha polimbana ndi izi, ndingayerekeze kunena, matenda, chisangalalo chingapezeke.
Haha, kuyesa bwino, zoom. Ndemanga yanu ikuwoneka ngati yabodza ngati nkhaniyo.
Ndidasanza kuchokera pamavumbulutso awa.
bulu shit osati fuck
ndipo ndi zinthu zonsezi zoyipa kuchuluka kwa ziphuphu ndi mafambo olumikizana kukukulira
Ndinawerenga izi graphomania movutikira.
Phunziro la nkhaniyi ndi losavuta. Mnyamatayo adafika ku San Francisco ndipo, ngati hule, adadzipereka kwa amuna mpaka adadziwononga yekha ndi thupi lake. Zosangalatsa zambiri, zosangalatsa kwambiri.
Ndipo izo zikuyenera kutanthauza chiyani? Kodi izi zikukhudzana bwanji ndi zenizeni zenizeni? Chowonadi chathanzi chomwe inu - monga mwamuna wachiwerewere - mumakhala moyo wanu modekha, mumakonda munthu ndipo mumakhala limodzi, mukudandaula za chitonthozo cha wina ndi mnzake? Kodi "miyambo" yatsiku ndi tsiku (Mulungu, ndi zowawitsa chabe kubwereza kulephera kulenga uku) zikugwirizana bwanji ndi ntchito, kulenga ndi banja? Chifukwa chiyani kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha = San Francisco ndi mipiringidzo ya amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kufunafuna "abambo" anu ndi kugonana kosatha kumatako?
Ayi, ndizoseketsa basi. Ndinu oseka, monga ma freaks onse omwe amamangiriridwa ndi zithunzi ku nkhani zopanda malire za momwe kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumawonongera odwala. Ndizosangalatsa kwambiri kuti muli ndi chidziwitso chofotokozera mawonetseredwe a fecal ndi mavuto a m'mimba mwatsatanetsatane komanso mwakhama, koma zomwe mwakumana nazo ndizovuta za gulu la anthu osadziwika bwino lomwe anthu osawona bwino asankha kuvomereza ngati nkhope ya kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndipo akhoza kumveka. Osavomereza bwanji ngati pali nkhani ngati izi? Ngati nkhanizi zili paliponse?
Zinali zamanyazi kutaya nthawi palembali. "Kupulumuka Kugonana kwa Amuna Kapena Akazi Okhaokha ..." amawerenga mutuwo. Ndipo chiwembucho sichimakhudza chikondi ndi kuvomereza kugonana kwa munthu, koma za moyo wopusa wa chitsiru.
Kodi maloto amtunduwu akhudzana bwanji ndi zenizeni? Izi sizichitika m'moyo, chifukwa kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikutanthauza "kugonana kosiyana ndi kugonana kwa anthu," koma njira yotetezera. Maganizo oyipa omwe maubwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amapangika ndi chisangalalo, nsanje, komanso kudziwana. Izi ndizomwe ochita kafukufuku analemba:
"Maubwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi malingaliro osasamala a malingaliro osatheka a kutha msinkhu: amakhala okha okhazikika. Wina mnzake amatanganidwa kwathunthu - "ayenera kukhala wangwiro kwathunthu." Uku ndi kuchonderera kopanda tanthauzo kwa chikondi, kufuna kwa chikondi, osati chikondi chenicheni. Munthu pang'ono kapena mwamalingaliro amakhalabe wachinyamata mu malingaliro ake, malingaliro, zizolowezi, maubale ndi makolo ndi anthu omwe si amuna kapena akazi anzawo. "Samafika kukhwima ndipo amalamulidwa ndi makanda, uhule wopanda pake komanso kudziwonetsa kwambiri, makamaka pakulakalaka amuna kapena akazi okhaokha." Aardweg
"Amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakhala ndi nsanje yochulukirapo komanso yachiwawa yomwe singafanane ndi maubwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ... Kukwera kwa munthu kupita kukopeka kumakhala kwachiwiri. Izi zokopa nthawi zonse zimasakanizidwa ndi kunyoza. Poyerekeza ndikunyoza kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kwa omwe amagonana nawo, kudana ndi kunyoza azimayi omwe amachita zachiwawa kwambiri amuna kapena akazi okhaokha zimawoneka ngati zabwino. Nthawi zambiri umunthu wonse wa "wokondedwayo" umafufutidwa. Ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amachitika mchimbudzi, kusadziwika m'mapaki ndi malo osambira aku Turkey, komwe chinthu chogonana sichimawoneka. Njira zopanda umunthu zothetsera "kukhudzana" zimapangitsa kuyendera malo ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kukhala ngati chokumana nacho. " (Bergler).
“Kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kugonana amuna ndi akazi kuyesera kutenga amuna anzawo. Imagwira ngati chiphiphiritso cha munthu wina, ndipo imaphatikizapo kuchita zankhanza kwambiri kuposa chikondi. Pofufuza ubale ndi amuna ena komanso kugonana kwawo, wogonana nayeyo akuyesera kuyanjanitsanso gawo lotayika la umunthu wake. Popeza kukopa kwake kumabwera chifukwa cha kuperewera, sangakondane momasuka: mtima wake wokonda amuna kapena akazi komanso chitetezo chake chimalepheretsa kudalirana komanso kuyanjana. Amawona amuna ena pongotengera zomwe angachite kuti apange kuperewera kwake. Mwanjira imeneyi amatenga, osapereka. ” (Nicolosi).
"Tidapeza kuti anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kuwonongeka kwa ziphuphu, monga onyentchera ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amasankha zinthu zomwe amawakonda chifukwa chokopa. Amadzitengera chitsanzo ”(Freud).
Kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi gawo logulitsa pakati pa zachikhalidwe chazachilendo ndi kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, omwe ali pafupi kwambiri ndi narcissism. Chifukwa chake, pamenepa, sipangakhale ubale wabwino wokwanira. Ngakhale amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amavomereza. Kuchokera m'bukhu la omenyera ufulu wama gay omwe akulankhula nkhani za gay:
Joni Gay wodziwikiratu akuti akufuna kucheza “wopanda nkhawa” momwe wokondedwayo "samakhudzirana kwambiri, samapanga zofuna zake, ndipo amamupatsa mpata wokwanira." Zowonadi, palibe malo omwe angakhale okwanira, chifukwa Joni sakufuna wokonda, koma fuckbuddy henchman - bwanawe wofuntha, mtundu wa zida zosagwiritsidwa ntchito m'nyumba. Ngati kukondana kumayamba kuonekera muubwenzi (womwe, mwa lingaliro, uyenera kukhala chifukwa chomveka kwambiri kwa iwo), amasiya kukhala omasuka, amakhala "ovuta" ndikugwa. Ngakhale zili choncho, sikuti ogonana onse amene amafuna "ubale" wouma uja. Ena amafuna chibwenzi chenicheni komanso amapeza. Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani? Posakhalitsa, njoka yamaso imadzuka mutu wake woyipa. Sipanakhalepo chikhalidwe cha kukhulupirika mu gulu la amuna gonana. Ngakhale gay ali wokondwa bwanji ndi wokondedwa wake, nthawi zambiri amatha kufunafuna x **. Kugawirana pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha "pakatha nthawi, kuyandikira 100%."
Kuwona kwa anthu amkati kumathandizidwa mokwanira ndi ntchito zasayansi. Kutalika kwa maubwenzi apakati pa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumakhala pafupifupi chaka chimodzi ndi theka, ndipo kukhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali, komwe kumatsagana ndimasewera osatha komanso zochitika zansanje, zimakhalapo chifukwa cha "maubale otseguka", kapena, monga womenyera ufulu Andrew Salivan ananenera, chifukwa cha "kumvetsetsa kwakukulu zakufunika kwa kusungidwa kwaukwati ". Kafukufuku wotsimikizira kulimba kwa mabungwe ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha adapeza kuti muubwenzi wapakati pa 1-5 wazaka, ndi 4.5% yokha ya amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe amadzinena okha, ndipo palibe m'modzi wazaka zopitilira 5 (McWhirter & Mattison, 1985). Ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amasintha anzawo angapo pachaka, komanso mazana angapo pa moyo wake (Pollack, 1985). Kafukufuku ku San Francisco (Bell ndi Weinberg, 1978) adawonetsa kuti 43% ya amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakhala ndi zibwenzi zoposa 500, ndipo 28% adachita zoposa 1000. Kafukufuku yemwe adachitika zaka 20 pambuyo pake, kale munthawi ya Edzi, sanapeze kusintha kwakukulu mu Khalidwe: Omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amasintha anzawo okwana 101-500 m'moyo wake, pafupifupi 15% anali ndi zibwenzi 501-1000, ndipo ena 15% anali ndi zibwenzi zoposa 1000 (Van de Ven et al. 1997). Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2013, pafupifupi 70% ya omwe amatenga kachilombo ka HIV pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amapezeka kudzera mwa bwenzi lawo lanthawi zonse, chifukwa chinyengo chambiri chimachitika osagwiritsa ntchito kondomu.
Ngakhale pali mabanja omwe amakhala amuna okhaokha ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amakhala osiyana ndi malamulo.
Muli nacho, ndikakusumirani.
Ponena za maubwenzi okhalitsa zaka 1,5, awa ndi mawu abodza - kafukufuku yemwe wakambidwa m'nkhaniyi kwenikweni adachokera ku kafukufuku wa Amsterdam Cohort Study on HIV epidemiology. Zitsanzo zoyenera phunziroli zidatengedwa makamaka kuzipatala za matenda opatsirana pogonana komanso malo azisangalalo. Mpaka 1995, muyezo wophatikizidwa mu phunziroli nthawi zambiri kupezeka kwa anthu osachepera awiri ogonana nawo m'miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yapitayo. Kuphatikiza apo, olembawo amangosonyeza zitsanzozo kwa anthu okhawo azaka zosakwana 30. Chifukwa chake, chitsanzocho chidayimiridwa mosayerekezereka ndi anyamata achichepere ochokera ku Amsterdam omwe adadwala matenda opatsirana pogonana chifukwa chakugonana. Ndizachidziwikire kuti ubale wawo sukhalitsa.
Wokondedwa, izi sizichitika ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. ))
"Ngakhale pali amuna okwatirana okwatirana okhawo omwe amagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amayimira zosiyana kwambiri ndi lamuloli."
O, werengerani, ma heteropairs ali ndi parsley yemweyo!
Mukunena zamkhutu bwanji! Zonsezi zinabadwira m'mitu mwa anthu ofuna kudzikweza chifukwa cha zomwe sakuzimvetsa nkomwe. Ndikuvomereza kuti maphunzirowa adachitidwa pakati pa anthu omwe amathera moyo wawo m'mabwalo a usiku wa gay m'mizinda yowonongeka, akukhala ndi moyo wachiwerewere komanso otanganidwa ndi maubwenzi ogonana ndi anthu oyambirira omwe amakumana nawo, chifukwa chake chithunzichi cha amuna kapena akazi okhaokha chimapangidwa. Komabe, izi siziri zenizeni! Ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakhala moyo wamba, ambiri amabisa zomwe amakonda, ndipo nthawi zina amakhala pachibwenzi ndi amuna. Choncho, palibe chifukwa chogwirizanitsa amuna okhaokha ndi amuna ochepa omwe adagonana nawo, omwe ali ndi mavuto ambiri a maganizo, omwe, mwa njira, samatuluka paliponse, koma chifukwa cha kuvulala komwe kunalandira chifukwa cha misomali. pansi ego awo amuna, udindo kubisa lathu ndi kuganiza miniti iliyonse kuti palibe amene akudziwa za iwo. Sindikunena ngakhale za anthu amene anazunzidwa, kunyozedwa, ndi kunyozedwa paubwana wawo. Kodi si gulu lathu lomwe limabweretsa anthu oterowo kuti azikhala okha, kubisala, kugonana pakhomo ndi m'zimbudzi, kuti asamadzimangirire ku maudindo komanso kuti asadziwonetsere kwa mabwenzi ndi achibale? Pambuyo pake, vuto lalikulu ndikuvomereza kugonana kwanu kwa aliyense wapafupi ndi inu. Ndipo iwo omwe adakwanitsa kuchita izi, ndipo omwe adavomerezedwa kukhala otero, amakhala moyo wabwino komanso wachimwemwe! Koma otsalawo akupitirizabe kuvutika ndi kuzunza ena.
Chifukwa chake, chidziwitso chanu chonsechi m'moyo weniweni ndikucheza kopanda pake kwa amisala komanso anthanthi obisika omwe, chifukwa cha luntha lawo lalikulu, asiya kudziwa zenizeni!
Ndikuganiza kuti mukulondola... Mwachionekere mwamunayo anali ndi vuto la m’maganizo lomwe linachititsa kuti azigonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha chotero... Koma tsoka, ndiyenera kuvomereza kuti gulu la LGBT silikudziwa choti muchite nokha, liyenera kuphunzitsidwa.
Wolemba nkhaniyi ali ndi mavuto.
muli ndi mavuto ndi mutu wanu
Nkhaniyi yadzaza ndi zowawa komanso kuzindikira. Tithokoze wolembayo chifukwa chakulimba mtima kuvomereza zomwe ena omwe adapulumuka kukhumudwa kumeneku sananene kanthu. Kudzifufuza nokha kumadutsa ntchito pamtima, osati kudzera mu thupi .. Mwinanso nkhaniyi iyimitsa wina pamavuto ndi zolakwika izi, ndikuthandizira kuthetsa vutoli, osayiyendetsa mwanjira yakufa.
MALANGIZO ATSOGOLO
Ndinu osankhidwa ndi odala amuna
Mulungu wanga adzasokoneza onse omwe akufuna zolaula kuti awerenge nkhani yosangalatsayi
Ndi chiyembekezo kwa opanda chiyembekezo chifukwa Mulungu akulamulira
Nkhani yothandiza kwambiri ngati yolimbikitsa. Kuti tisakhale m'maganizo. Zinali zovuta kuwerenga. Koma zonse zili monga momwe zilili, moona mtima.
Wokondedwa bwenzi! Mumalemba bwino, muli ndi kalembedwe kodabwitsa. Komabe, poopseza owerenga onse ndi dzina loti "atakumana ndi kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha," mukufotokoza za moyo osati wa mamuna wamba wamba, koma wa hule wosilira wa ku America-European, wolowerera m'chigololo ndi zilakolako. Kulekerera ndi ufulu wa makhalidwe kumeneko kumakupatsani chithunzithunzi chabodza cha moyo wa gay. Amuna ambiri amakhala moyo wamba woyezera, ambiri amabisala zakugonana, ndipo nthawi zina, pamene zilakolako zikupita patsogolo, amapeza bwenzi logonana. Choncho, ambiri alibe ndipo sadzakhala ndi matenda oterowo okhudzana ndi kugonana. Mitundu yowonjezereka ya kugonana, kusintha kwafupipafupi kwa okondedwa, magulu, BDSM, ndi zina zotero - ma gay ambiri amangolota zonsezi. Ndipo inu, monga munthu amene mumachita zonse izi ndipo sakufuna kulimbana ndi zilakolako zanu, muyenera kukolola zipatso za chiwerewere chanu. Mutha kumvetsetsa: adalanda ufulu wathunthu, adayamba kuzindikira zilakolako zawo zobisika komanso zosazindikira, kuletsa kumverera kwachabechabe ndi kusungulumwa ndi mamembala aamuna. Koma, ndikhulupirireni, si aliyense amene amakhala motere ndipo si aliyense amene amakhala motere. Chokumana nacho chanu chomvetsa chisoni ndi chotsatira cha moyo wanu wotayirira osati vuto la kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Zimangowoneka kwa inu kuti mwamtheradi ma gay onse amakhalira kugonana nthawi imodzi - izi siziri choncho ... Kungoti mfundo yachimuna imalepheretsa anyamata awiri kuti asamagwirizane, choncho zimakhala zovuta kuti apeze. wokwatirana naye, ndipo makamaka kukhala ndi moyo zaka zambiri. Koma, mwatsoka, tsopano okwatirana sakhala mosangalala pambuyo pake ...
Gay mwina ndi chikhalidwe chachilengedwe ndipo ndizovuta komanso zosatheka kulimbana nazo. Popeza ndinali ndi zaka 14 ndinkafuna blowjob ndipo ndikufuna tsopano patatha zaka makumi anayi, ndimakonda kupereka blowjob kwa amuna omwe amandisangalatsa. Ndi kugona ndi mkazi ndi kuphika chakudya. Ndipo kuti ndidakhala woyipa chifukwa cha izi? Kwa ine, bwenzi limodzi ndi mwayi kuzindikira chikhumbo changa osati kuvutika
Mawuwa ali ngati buku lenileni. Ndipo chodabwitsa kwambiri ndi tsamba lomwe. Zapangidwa kuti zikhomere mutu wa LGBT m'mitu ya anthu wamba. Koma nchifukwa ninji palibe amene akuyang'ana njira yachibadwa ya chithandizo kapena kupewa izi? Palibe chanzeru mu gawo la "Machiritso". Thandizo lokonzanso silichiritsa chilichonse. Ndine gay, ndimamvetsetsa momwe zimakhalira ndipo ndingapereke zambiri kuti ndikhale wamba. Sizingandipangitse kumva bwino pazomwe ndimawerenga patsamba lino. Momwe m'nkhaniyi ndaphunzira za kuopsa koyika chilichonse pabulu wanu. Silo vuto. Mnzanga wapamtima ndi wowongoka. Ali ndi chibwenzi. Amadziwa kuti ndine gay, koma sizimakhudza chilichonse. Amakonda kwambiri akazi ndipo amadziwa kuti sangafanane ndi ine.
Ndikungofuna kufotokoza tanthauzo lake kuti sizikhala zophweka kwa wina aliyense kufalitsa zowola motsutsana ndi ma gay. Padzakhala magulu ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo ma gay omvetsa chisoni ayamba kusintha kugonana ngati akuganiza kuti mungathe kukonda amuna ngati mkazi. Ndipo ichi ndi chotulukapo chenicheni.
Ndikuganiza kuti kulera bwino mwana ndiponso kukhala ndi unansi wabwino ndi atate, zimene ndinalibe paubwana wanga, zikanabweretsa mapindu owonjezereka.
Ndi chifukwa chakuti ndinu gay, mwachiwonekere, ndipo simungapeze umboni mu gawo la "Machiritso" kuti chithandizo chobwezeretsa chimagwira ntchito pamlingo wa psychotherapy (kuganiza kosankha koteroko kumafotokozedwa ndi omenyera ufulu wa LGBT okha m'buku "After The Ball").
Pakadapanda omenyera ufulu wa LGBT, ndiye kuti anthu ngati inu akadakhala odekha pagulu. Ndipo tsopano akuwona mphamvu zandale zomwe zimathandizidwa ndi a Globalists.
Zowonadi, kupanga njira zopewera kukopeka kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndikofunikira, monganso kupanga njira zatsopano zobwezeretsanso kukopeka kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Koma izi zimatheka kokha ngati mkhalidwe woterowo ukuonedwa kukhala wopatuka, monga kumwerekera ndi juga.
Ndemanga za ndale za omenyera ufulu wa LGBT kuti izi ndizochitika, ndipo ndikuganiza kuti simungagwirizane ndi izi, zimabweretsa kuphwanya ufulu wa anthu ochepa, omwe, kumbali imodzi, ali otsimikiza kuti alibe chiyembekezo cha chikhalidwe chawo, pa. zina, zimawamana mwayi woti asinthe.
Atsikana amadziwa kuti pali anthu ambiri onyoza amuna omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, awa si amuna okhaokha, koma amuna enieni achiwerewere, ndi achikhalidwe, otsutsana ndi akazi.