Ibali elinyanisekileyo lomntu owayesakuba lifanasini, elichaza ubomi bemihla ngemihla bomndilili "gay" - i-enemas engapheliyo, ukuziphatha kakubi kunye nosulelo oluhambelanayo, iiklabhu, iziyobisi, iingxaki zamathumbu angaphantsi, ukudakumba kunye nokukrazula, ukuziva unganeliseki kunye nesizungu, ukusuka. obu kuziphatha kakubi kunye neDatura ibonelela kuphela ngokuphumla okwethutyana. Eli bali liqulathe iinkcukacha ezonyanyekayo zezenzo zobufanasini kunye neziphumo zazo, nto leyo eshiya intsalela yelindle elinesicaphucaphu ngokungathandabuzekiyo eliya kuba nzima kumfundi nje oqhelekileyo. Kwangaxeshanye, zichaza zonke ngokuchanekileyo yokusasaza ukungalunganga kobungqingili ngendlela ethandabuzekayo njengokucekeceke kwempunga yempepho. Ibonisa inyani ekrakra yesini lomntu wesini esifanayo njengoko injalo - isikrelemnqaabangenangqondo nabangenabubele. "Ukuba ngungqingili" ekugqibeleni kuthetha ukubandezeleka kunye nentlungu etywiniweyo yogazi kunye negazi, endaweni yokubambelela kwizandla zamakhwenkwe amakhulu e-kawaii yoyoynyh intsomi yabalandeli.

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Kwi-1989, ndafika kwisithili esidumileyo seCastro eSan Francisco njengomfana osweleyo osele eneminyaka eyi-19. Ndikhule ndizingeli kwaye ndinesizungu kwaye ndifuna ekugqibeleni ukuba yinxalenye yento. Phantse kwasekuqaleni ebusheni, abanye abafana esikolweni bandigatya. Ngexesha phantsi kwempembelelo ye testosterone benze ithuba lokuthatha inxaxheba kwimisebenzi yobudoda, efana nemidlalo enobundlongondlongo kunye nemidlalo, ndaye ndaneentloni kwaye ndingenantlonelo. Njengoko amazwi abo ayesiya esiba ezantsi kwaye ezithemba ngakumbi, ilizwi lam lahlala licashile kwaye lixakile ngendlela engaqondakaliyo. Njengoko bekhula bekhula, ndiye ndisiba lunky kunye ne-angular. Amadoda aselula alpha, njengomthetho, ayebalasele ebholeni kwaye ngokungaguquki agqibe ukuba iinkokeli kwikhefu nakwizifundo zemfundo zomzimba. Bahlala begculela ngokulula ukusilela kwam kwezemidlalo kwaye babhengeza ngokuvakalayo ukungabi nto yam. Akukho mntu wayefuna ukundithatha kwiqela labo. Ndandihlala ndingowokugqibela ngokungagqibekanga, kwanasemva kokuba amantombazana amancinci kunam akhethwe.

Kwakukho amanye amakhwenkwe angafanelanga ukubonakala eklasini yam - atyebileyo okanye amafutshane kakhulu, abaphathwa ngendlela efanayo. Kodwa banokuguqula ukukhanyela njengelungelo ngokuzihlazisa okuhlekisayo okanye ukuhlekisa ngam okanye ngomnye umntu. Andinokwazi ukuyenza loo nto. Ndandinomdla wokuthatha yonke into entliziyweni kwaye ndinxunguphalo. Umntwana okhohlakeleyo nongenangqondo wabafana wabonakala enetyala ngam. Kwangelo xesha, xa benqaba kwaye behlekisa ngam, kokukhona ndifuna ukufumana indawo phakathi kwabo. Iminqweno yam yobuntwana yaqala ukujikeleza i-superhero enobubele endithatha njengeqabane lakhe. Emva kwesikolo, ndakhawuleza ndaya ekhaya ukuze ndibukele uBatman kwaye ndizazise njengoRobin. Kuyaphawuleka ukuba ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, iingcinga ezimangalisayo nge-Batman kunye neRobin zixhaphakile kwinkcubeko yesini.

Ukufika kwam eSan Francisco, ndisaqaqanjelwa, ndithambile kwaye ndothukile, kodwa ndakhawuleza ndafumanisa ukuba amadoda afuna ukuba nam. Apha Umzimba wobukhwenkwe wawuyinzuzo ecacileyo. Inkwenkwe, ekungekho mntu wayeyifuna kwiqela layo, yathandwa. Kwakungekho mfuneko yokuba dexterity, kufuna kuphela ukuthembisa ubungqongqo, unyamezelo kunye ukulungela ukungathandabuzi. Ngokungafani nobuntwana bethu obulahlekileyo, bekukho abantu apha ababelungele ukusiqeqesha nokusikhokela. Phantse ngamnye kuthi wayenomntu wokuqala amthandayo, unamava ngakumbi kwaye uzithemba ngakumbi. Ngokombono wethu, basipheleke baye kwihlabathi lamadoda, apho sasihlala siziva sahlukanisiwe. Kwaye kwenzeka, bayifeza le nto ngoncedo lwezesondo.

Ngobo busuku bokuqala xa ndangena kwi-bar yam yesini yokuqala, ndisahleli ndingazithembanga kwaye ndinentloni kakhulu kumntwana. Bendingazi ukuba ndenze ntoni. Amava am kuphela kunye nehlabathi lezesondo lamadoda lalilinganiselwe ekubukeleni i-gay porn, kwaye ndandinomdla kule mifanekiso. Kwakukho ucwangco olusisiseko kunye nesiko kuyo yonke into eyaboniswa apho-indala inomncinci, incinci incinci, inamava. Abantu abaqolileyo nabanenkalipho enkulu bahlala bezinikezelwe ebudodeni ngabangenamava kunye nangokomzimba bengafumani bantu batsha.

Ukusuka kwi-porn, ndikuphantse ndayazi into omele uyilindele. Ndabona iifilimu ezinamagama ahlekisayo athi: "Tata, kubuhlungu", "Kwanele, kubuhlungu" kwaye "kuzonzakalisa". Ndicinge inguquko yam ukuya ebudodeni njenge siko lokuqalwa, kunye naphakathi Ingxaki kaGawulayo, njengamadoda kwinkcubeko yesizwe ekufuneka inyamezelene neenzingo ezahlukeneyo zomzimba ukuze ujoyine uluntu lwamadoda, bendikulungele ukunyamezela nantoni na kule nkqubo, ndide ndife.

I-denouement kwi-gay porn ihlala isabelana ngesondo. Ukwabelana ngesondo kunika ubungqingili bendoda. Intlanganiso, engabandakanyi ubuncinci bokukopelwa kohlalutyo, ijongeka ingabalulekanga kwaye idlulile. Ithuba lokudibana okunjalo lalilinga ngendlela emangalisayo, kodwa ndanyanzelwa kukuhlala ndinesifo sikaGawulayo kwaye ndala ukubeka ubomi bam esichengeni, nangona ndandisazi ukuba andizukuphila de ndifumane isibindi sokuthobela.

Ndacinga okuninzi malunga nale nto kwaye ngenye imini ndaya kwikhemesti yendawo ekufuphi ne-Castro gay mecca, eyayigcwaliswe ngama-laxatives ahlukeneyo e-counter kunye nokucoca i-enemas. Kwiiyure ezilandelayo, nditye kancinci kwaye ndasela isiselo esinamanzi amaninzi. Ngentsasa elandelayo, xa ndakhupha i-enema kwiphakheji, ndathandabuza. Ngethiphu yakhe ende, eyayifakwe ioyile, wayekhangeleka njengesixhobo sentuthumbo.

Kwimizuzu eliqela, ndatsibela kwisinki yangasese, ndityhafisa yonke imisipha yomzimba wam de kwabe kunganyamezeleki. Ukujonga emva, oku kubonakala kum njengesiko lokucoca ngaphambi komsitho kuhlobo oluthile lwetempile yobuhedeni. Ndawukhe ndawucinga umzimba wam ukuze ndiqale ukuzala, kodwa nokuba ungakanani na ndizipholele kumanzi anetyiwa, ndaye ndaba njengoLwandle oluFileyo eSodom. Okwethutyana ndadada ngaphezulu, kodwa kwakungekho nto inokundxhasa. Yabakho kuphela ngenxa yayo.

Ndaziva ndonwabile imini yonke. Ngokubhekisele kwezesondo, ngokwahlukileyo kwi-porn, akuzange kuthathe imizuzu engamashumi amabini ukuya kumashumi amathathu, yonke into yayikhawuleza kakhulu. Ngaphandle kwentsomi yesigqibo esinamandla, ukuzinikezela kwakufuna ukuba buhlungu, unyamezelo kunye nokuzithoba. Uvakalelo luvela kumzamo ngamabom wokuhlaziya izihlunu ze-sphincter, kuba ukusebenza kwazo ngokuchanekileyo kuxhomekeke kubunzima bezoqoqosho ezizimeleyo, bekuyinto emangalisayo. Andinokwazi ukuyenza loo nto. Ekuphakameni kweenzame, umthandi wam ubeke i-bong phantsi kwempumlo yam. Ndathandabuza ukurhuqa, kwaye Intliziyo yam yaqala ukuphuma kwisifuba sam.

Umgangatho wokusondela wawunzulu okanye ubanda kakhulu kude, kuxhomekeke ekumiselweni nasekujonganeni kwamehlo. Ndingcwabe ubuso bam ngengubo, ndade ndazimela ukujonga ubuso bendoda ngaphezulu kwam. Kwakungekho kwanto. Ngapha koko, yayiyi-caricature yesenzo sosapho, kodwa ndandingengomfazi, kwaye ndandingenabo ubufazi. Kwi-physiology yam akukho nto iqheliselwe ukwamkela ipenisi; kwakungekho lubrication yendalo, kwaye yayibuhlungu de ndayeka ukuva nantoni na. Ngamaxesha athile, amava ayedla ngokuvutha. Kumnqweno wethu wokufumana indlela yesibindi, sizifumana sibuyela ebusaneni nasebukhumeni. Phantse amashumi amabini eminyaka emva kokuyekiswa kokuziphatha, eyona nto imbi kakhulu kukuba ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka ndinxibe iidayiphu. Inkwenkwe eyayifuna ukuba yindoda yabambeka kwinqanaba lobuntwana.

Ukuziqhelanisa akuwuphuculanga lo msebenzi, kwaye kubonakala ngathi kungokwemvelo nangayiphi na indlela. Akuzange kube lula. Izilungiso ezingapheliyo kunye neentlanzi zenza ukuba isondo libonakale ngathi lonyango kwaye phantse lalingwa. Okwexeshana, ndandinomdla wesini esahlukileyo kwaye ndimangalisiwe kukuhamba kwehomoni yesini sabasetyhini, isidingo sabo sothando kunye ne-foreplay-into amadoda azamile ukuyenza. Oku kungqinwa ngamakhulu "emingxunya yozuko" engafunekiyo egrunjwe kwizindlu zangasese zikawonke-wonke eSan Francisco, ngenxa yesini esingenamagama nesingesosidima esenzeka naphina apho umlomo uvulekile khona. Ukupheliswa kwenkqubo eyandulela isondo kwabasetyhini kulungiselela imizimba yabo ukungena ngaphakathi. Akukho ndlela ibandakanyekayo kwi-anus eyindoda.

Ndikhe ndanenzondelelo kakhulu kwiinkqubo zam zokucoca kwaye ndizitshise nge-saline. Abahlobo bancomela ii-enemas ezahlukeneyo ezenziwe ekhaya, ngamanzi kunye nesoda yokubhaka. Omnye umntu ocetyiswayo kunye ne-aloe, kwaye iresiphi engaqhelekanga yayiquka amanzi kunye nekhofi kwangoko. Umhlobo osele emdala kunam, endimthembileyo ngaphandle kwemeko, wandithabathela ecaleni, kwaye sineengcinga ezimanyumnyezi zonxibelelwano phakathi kotata nonyana. Uye wancoma i-proctologist elungileyo kwaye wachaza indlela yakhe yokuhlukunyezwa ngamayeza angasebenziyo kunye neoyile eyahlukeneyo. Wachaza ngokweenkcukacha intlungu ebangelwa kukuhla kwe-vaseline kwi-fissures anal.

Izikhonkwane kunye ne-enemas nokuba kanye ngeveki yome ulusu esele lucekeceke lwethambo. Inye nganye, ndithathe inani lezifo ezosulela ngesondo- kuqala i-rectal gonorrhea, kunye ne-rectal chlamydia. Ndinerash, ebengakhange indikhathaze kakhulu, kuba ulusu lwam olubuthathaka alusoloko luphendula kakuhle kwizithambisi ezisetyenzisiweyo. Izithambiso ezikhethekileyo zokuthambisa i-oyile zazingenamsebenzi, kwaye izilonda eziqaqambayo kunye nezicaphucaphu zaqala ukusasazeka ngaphakathi. Ixesha elininzi bendisaqhubeka nokulalana ngesondo. Akukho mntu wabonakala ngathi uqaphela i-butt yam encinci epakishwe kancinane kwiipaseji ezimnyama zeSan Francisco iiklabhu zesini, kuphela kwentlungu enganyamezeleki, ndaguqukela kwikliniki yasekhaya. Ndabekwa amayeza okubulala iintsholongwane. Isisu sam sasingahambelani kakuhle nabo, kwaye kangangeentsuku ezininzi ndanesifo esibuhlungu kwaye ndineswekile engapheliyo.

Okwethutyana, ndaphantse ndawugqitha wonke umkhwa wokwabelana ngesondo ngokwamkela, kodwa iingxaki zam zolusu zihambile ndabuya ndaya kuye. Ngenxa yesizathu esithile andizange ndiyeke. Yayimangalisa indlela enye indoda eyayingena kum eyayinokubangela ngayo imvakalelo yokugcwala ukuze umzimba wakhe wamkhanyele. Kwakungathi kuthatha i-ecstasy ngaphambi kobusuku bohlanga nolwabelana ngesondo. Ndiva ukuba eli chiza lisasazeka kubuntu bam bonke. Kula zi yure zothusayo, bendiyinto yam yangaphakathi, umzimba wam kunye nendalo iphela. Ke ngokuxelisa ukuba neentlobano zesini nabantu abesilisa, ndothuka xa ndafumanisa ukuba ndisavalelekile kumgibe wakudala we-anatomy yam. Kwangoko intliziyo yam yanyamalala yabuya, ndalandela umnxeba ukuba ndizixhase ngento evela ngaphandle, nokuba ayilungelanga.

Ukuphela kwee-1990s, ndandingasekho mncinci kwaye ndibhityile, kwaye amakhwenkwe amatsha afika eSan Francisco ahlukile kunalawo awayefika ngaphambili. Babengoyiki ngakumbi. Kumalungu asaphilayo esizukulwane sam, irabha encinci eyabahlula kwizithandwa zabo yayiqine njengodonga lwezitena. Ikhondom iye yamela isithintelo sokugqibela phakathi kwamadoda athandana namanye kunye neenjongo zawo zobudoda ezingachazwanga. Ndiqaphele ukuba bangaphi abantu abashiyileyo ii-canon ezingcwele ezingabhalwanga zesini esikhuselekileyo phantse ubusuku bonke. Ngaloo mihla, ngokoqobo wonke umntu wayebonakala elala ngesondo ngokungakhuselekanga. Ndadityaniswa kukuvuselelwa ngabom kwe-70s hedonism. Imivalo yesini kunye neeklabhu zidlale zonke iingoma zeklasikhi zedisco kwakhona. Yayikukubuyela kwigolide yenkululeko yesini.

Nangona kunjalo, inqanawa yegolide exabisekileyo yamaphupha ethu yayisesinye isithembiso. Ngequbuliso, wonke umntu wandijikeleza waqalisa ukugula. Intsholongwane ichaphazele kakhulu abo babesebancinci ukuba bangaphandwa ngokwesondo. Bajongana nobunzima obuninzi kwinkqubo kuphela yosulelo lweNtsholongwane kaGawulayo kunye nazo zonke iintlobo zezifo ezinganyangekiyo, kukudana nokudangala. Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, inani elikhulu “lezitabane” elinentsholongwane kaGawulayo iqela le-25 yobudala - iminyaka ye-34.

Ukulungiswa ngokutsha kwe-harmonic okulindelweyo, ebekufanele ukuba kwenzeka ngokudibana kulusu. Uninzi lwabantu abadala abalahlekelwe ngabayeni babo kunye nabathandi babo ngenxa ye-AIDS kwi-80 kwaye sele beyazi inkcubeko yama-saunas, eyakhokelela ekufeni kwesininzi, ngokuyinxenye bayeka ekuhambeni kwaye bahlala ekuthinjweni isiqingatha ngaphandle kweCastro. Ubukhulu becala, baqala iqela eliza kuthi kamva kamva linyanzelise umtshato wesini esifanayo. Okwethutyana ndangomnye wabo kwaye ndahlala-sanelisekile ngumthandi omnye. Kodwa ubufanasini abesilisa abuzange bube yinkolo ye-monotheistic. Uluntu lwabane-gay luphawu lweendawo ezahlukeneyo ezifumaneka ngaphakathi kweebha, ii-saunas, kwaye ngoku kwizicelo zenethiwekhi ye-geosocial, apho amawaka eefoto zentloko engenatutu aqala ukubonakala ngathi ziincam zeemarble zedigods zamaGrike namandulo. Kodwa oothixo abathandana abathandana nesini banesithembu sabantu abaninzi bobuxoki, ngamnye wabo ethembisa ngononophelo kubanquli.

Isithandwa sam endihlala kuso yayisisibingelelo apho ndandiguqa khona izihlandlo ezininzi, kodwa ngalo lonke ixesha ndandifuna ukuphakama ndihambe kuba imithandazo yam yokuzaliseka kwangaphakathi yayihlala ingaphendulwanga. ISodomy, nokungacoceki kwayo, iye yaba ngumsebenzi onzima kakhulu noyindinisa, osoloko ufuna umsebenzi onzima wezandla ukuze ugqibezele lo msebenzi. Xa izithixo zamafanasini zifakwe emzimbeni womnye umntu, kubakho ubudlelane bobuxoki begazi, obungazisi kukhululwa. Ukunyuka nokuhla kokulindela kufuna uhambo olungapheliyo emhlabeni ngaphandle kwe-Holy Sepulcher. Unqulo lukhawuleza lube buvila kwaye lume phantsi kobunzima bobomi bemihla ngemihla obuphoxayo. Ukungabikho kweqabane lomphefumlo elifunwayo kubuhlungu kabuhlungu. Ngenxa yoko, ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kudla ngokuphumela ekuphululeni amalungu esini kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini emlonyeni. Ndidiniwe kukukhupha inwele zam emlonyeni wam qho ebusuku. Umzuzu wethu okhethekileyo wokukhululwa komnye nomnye wenzeke ngokwahlukeneyo, ubuso bomnye bungcwatywe kwi-crotch yomnye. Oku kuqhelekile phakathi kwabo babizwa ngokuba “yizibini ezitshatileyo ezithandana nomntu omnye,” neyathi ngaphambili yavelisa umbono “we-f*ck buddies,” ichaza amaqabane ngesondo apho isibini sivumelana kubudlelwane obuvulelekileyo ngelixa sihlala sibodwa ngokweemvakalelo. Ngamanye amaxesha elinye iqabane alinalwazi xa elinye liya kwi-sauna okanye livula iprofayili kwi-Grindr. Andisokuze ndimlibale umhlobo wam osenyongweni owayenexhala elingapheliyo malunga nokuziphatha kwam ngokungakhathali, owathi kamva wasweleka emva kokutshintsha nje izithandani ezimbalwa, wosulelwe yi-HIV kwiqabane elingathembekanga.

Imfihlakalo kaGawulayo ibisoloko indithanda kwaye iyaqhubeka nanamhla. Kwakungathi isidoda asinandawo yokuya kwaye singenzi nto, kwaye ekubandezelekeni kwabo babajika abo babusebenzisa kakubi, babangela ukugula nokufa.

Emva kweminyaka emininzi ndixakekile, ndandisopha kwaye ndiphuma nehemorrhoids. Ndizamile ukuyinyanga ngamayeza kunye neelekese. Ngenye imini ndadibana nabahlobo kwisidlo sangokuhlwa, ngequbuliso indawo enkulu enamafutha yandlala ngasemva kwebhulukhwe yam, ngokungacacanga kum. Wonke umntu wayeyiqonda into eyenzekayo kwaye akazange athethe nto, kodwa yayihlazisa. Emva kwexesha, ugqirha we proctologist wakhuthaza utyando. Andizange ndivume.

Iingxaki ezihlala zihleli malunga nale ndawo yomzimba wam zandenza ndanesidima ngakumbi, kwaye oku kwayandisa ingxaki. Ndayiphatha i-rectum njengelungu lesini lobudoda, kwaye ngandlel 'ithile, yaqala ukuziphatha ngoluhlobo. Umzekelo, iphunga lalisoloko liyingxaki ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo, kwaye umntu othile wacebisa ukuba usebenzise isitshingitshisi somfazi esifana ne-Summer Eve. Oku kusebenza okwethutyana, kodwa emva koko iintlungu zaya ziba mandundu. Umgangatho we-acid esekwe kwi-rectum yam yayifana nakwichibi laseArizona elishiyiweyo elinamanzi aluhlaza agcwele zi-algae kunye necuba leengcongconi. Enye inkxalabo ethe gabalala yeyokuba kunokwenzeka oko ukubizwa ngokuba ngu- "miss" ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo. Ndivile amabali ahlala ebaliselwa ngendlela enomdlalo ohlekisayo, malunga nelityala elinobuvila elingathathi zinyathelo lokuthintela. Kanye, ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo ngaphandle kwekhondomu kunye nesithandwa sam, ngequbuliso ndeva imvakalelo evuthayo. Ndikhuphe ilungu ndafumanisa ukuba ligutyungelwe kwilindle. Ngobo busuku konke kwaphela kum.

Ndikhathazwe luthotho losulelo lwegwele le-anal kwizihlandlo ezininzi. Ndandihlala ndiyathemba ukuba yenye into kwaye ndifuna kuphela unyango xa sele kusondele kakhulu. Iintlungu zazinganyamezeleki. Ukurhawuzelela okungapheliyo nokurhawuzelela kwenza ulusu lwam lube bomvu kwaye labuhlungu. Umzimba wam uhlala ukhupha into evuthayo, ethi icaphukise izicwili ezingqongileyo. Rhoqo, xa i-antibiotics ibingekasebenzi, bendinxiba iipads zemazi zabasetyhini ngaphakathi kwimpahla yam yangaphantsi. Ekuqaleni ndandineentloni de umhlobo wandixelela ngesithandwa sakhe-indoda endandiyithatha njengembonakalo yobudoda obunenkohlakalo. Nangona ngoku wayeyinto ye-asethi kuphela, yena, njengesixhobo esomeleleyo somzimba, kwafuneka enxibe amanabukeni abantu abadala ejimini ngenxa yokuba wayezikhusela ngokungazenzisiyo ngenxa yomzamo.

Nangona kunjalo, andizange ndihlale ndisoyika, ngaphandle kokuba ukucoca umzimba rhoqo ngokutya kunye ne-enemas ndicaphukise indawo engezantsi yendlela yokugaya ukutya ngakumbi, okubangela ukuba le proctologist ibize ngokuba yi-spastic colitis. Ndandihlala ndisiqhekezwa phakathi kokuqunjelwa ngokuqatha kunye nokuxinana okubuhlungu okukhokelela kukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okunganyamezeleki. Ukuyenza mandundu imeko, ukucheba okwexeshana kwendawo anal kwaye kwenza ulusu lucaphukise kwaye lube sesichengeni sosulelo.

Kwakukho umlo oqhubekayo phakathi kokudalwa komzimba wam kunye nento endifuna ukuyenza. Kubonakala kum ukuba bendiqonda ukuba ndiyaphulukana, kodwa nangona kunjalo, bendihlala ndifumana intuthuzelo kubahlobo ababeneengxaki ezifanayo kwaye ngokuzonwabisa kwabahlali abathandanayo badanisa kuzo zonke iintlekele kunye nokugula. Siqhubekile nokufumana i-punches, kodwa sihlandlo ngasinye sifika ezinyaweni zethu. Kwenye yeengoma zokugqibela endizivileyo kwiklabhu yezitabane, ndacula:

Ubulolo bam buyandibulala
kodwa ndiyavuma ukuba ndisakholelwa ...

Ndandiqinisekile ukuba izinto ziya kuphumela ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Nangona ndingakholelwa nyhani kubomi basemva kobomi, ndikhumbula izihlobo zam ezaswelekayo, ndacinga ukuba baphumle kwindawo yokwamkela engapheliyo ethe yabashiya kabuhlungu ebomini. Ngamanye amaxesha bendicinga ukuba ukwamkela okungapheliyo kufuzisela ukufa. Bekuqala ukundithanda.

Ngaphambi kokuba ndimke endlwini ngokuhlwa, ndiye ndaqala inkqubo yokucoca, emva koko ndahlala phantsi kwindlu yangasese ndanyanzelwa imizuzu embalwa. Amathumbu am anda kakhulu. Waqala ukuphuma, kwaye i-rectum yam yaqalisa ukuphuma. Ngenxa yoko, ndaphuma igazi kuyo yonke intshukumo yamathumbu. Ndaye ndafumanisa ukuba ukuba nenxeba elivulekileyo emzimbeni wam kundenza ndingene sosulelo lwe-HIV. Emva koko ndingaqondi ukuba lelinye, phantse inxeba elingabonakaliyo elandihluphayo ukususela ebuntwaneni lilo elalatha imeko enzima endazifumana kuyo. Ngeli xesha, ndandigula kakhulu kangangokuba bendiqinisekile ukuba ndisulelekile.

Emva koko ndangena kwizintlu zabantu abangenaloyiko, abaselula nabangenamava, abangamalolo nabanxilileyo, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba abanayo iHIV.”abaphathi beebhegi” nabo sele bosulelekile. Kula maqela, ukuzenza ngathi kukwabelana ngesondo ngokukhuselekileyo kwakungasekho kwaphela, okanye umoya wawuchulumancile kakhulu kwaye unamandla ukuba nabani na ayeke avule ipakethe yeekhondom. Ubukhulu becala, abemi beli hlabathi bazithabatha nzulu iingcamango zabo zesini. Inkoliso, njengam, yayingamadoda awayekhawuleza acime indlela yezitena ezityheli angene kuyo nayiphi na indlela esecaleni. Asizange sifumane inxalenye yesibindi esinesibindi kwi-wizard yeSixeko sase-Emerald, kuba sizalwe ukuba "ngabafazi" kunye "nobuthathaka". Asikwazanga ukuya ekhaya, ngoko savukela ukophuka kwethu kwaye safuna ukuphiliswa ngaphakathi kwethu.

Abona balandeli banomdla yayilawo aphupha ngokufumana intsholongwane evela kumxhasi one-HIV. Ukungafikeleli ngokupheleleyo kokukhulelwa ngokulalana kwabantu besini esifanayo kushiye ukuqonda okungenabomi kubo bonke abo babandakanyekayo. Imbuyiselo yayiquka ukwazisa isuntswana elihlawulweyo kwimbumbulu, enokuthi ngokunqamleza isuntswana leseli nganye, itshintshe umamkeli ngokusisigxina. Esi yayiziphumo ezingathandekiyo zenguqulo engalunganga, apho, njengendoda esencinci, ndazama ukufezekisa ingqibelelo ngesondo namanye amadoda. Ayizange yenzeke loo nto. Ukuphoxeka, ukuzeka kade umsindo ukukhangela intsingiselo enzulu yesini gay kuqala, ngophando oluthe kratya malunga nokwenzeka okugqithisileyo.

Ukubaluleka kokusebenzisa ikhondomu ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo kwakulibaleka lula kwisiphelo sesondo. Kwenzeka into efanayo kunye nokucetyiswa kokusetyenziswa kweoyile. Kuxhomekeke kwindawo kunye neemeko, amadoda amaninzi angamafanasini abhenela kuwo amathe akho ukulungiselela ukungena. Ngokuqhekeka, amathe ayoma kwaye anamathele, kwaye i-enzymes zayo yokugaya ivakala ngokungathi ikwenza ungqimba lwesikhumba esincinci ku-anus. Ukongeza, isenzo sangaphambi kokuba u-anilingus aqatsele amadoda athandana nobungqingili kwizifo ezithile zeparateic kunye nesifo seswekile esingapheliyo esibizwa ngokuba shigellosis.

Ngexesha elithile, ndingazi, ndasulelwa sisifo somqala we-chlamydial. Iimpawu zam kuphela yayikukutya okuncinci kunye nomqala obuhlungu, endawuthatha ngenxa yokubanda. Emva kwaloko ndiye ndothuka I-thoratatitis ethembekileyokwaye iintlungu zaba nzulu. Kwakungathi iitoni zam zihlala zibhakwa ngasemva kwentamo yam.

Ekuqaleni kwengxaki kaGawulayo, intatheli eyaziwayo Isixhobo seRandy Shields yaxela kwangaphambili uhlobo lwefuthe lokuhlaza eluhlaza e-gay kwilizwe le-gay, elibangelwa kukunqongophala kwesiphumo sokuthintela kwabasetyhini kunye nokuxhaphaka kakhulu kwe-testosterone, okudala iimeko zokugcwala, ezikhokelela ekutshisweni kwabo bonke abo babandakanyekayo:

Akukho nto kwi-subculture yesini gay enokuthi imodareyitha amaxabiso wesini esulungekileyo, eqondwe enxila njengayo nayiphi na imbonakalo yesini esahlukileyo angazange aphuphe ngayo. Ukuziphatha okubi kuxhaphakile, kuba kwindawo ephantsi kwamadoda kuphela, akukho mntu unokuthi hayi. Akukho mntu unendima yokumodareyitha efana neyomfazi okwimeko engafaniyo nomntu wesini esinye. Abanye abantu abathandana abatshatileyo bavumile ukuba bayonwaba ngombono okhawulezileyo, ofikelelekayo, kwanokwabelana ngesondo okungaziwayo okubonelelwa ngabantu abathandana nesini ukuba banokufumana kuphela amabhinqa azimisele ukwenza njalo. Ewe, zifanasini, ndihlala ndivuma. ”

Ngobunye ubusuku obubandayo basebusika ndandihleli ndedwa egumbini lam kwaye ndandingakwazi ukuphumla. Ndijonge ngaphandle kwefestile kwiCastro Theatre kwaye ndibone iflegi yomnyama enkulu iphaphazela emoyeni. Ndikhumbule ukuqala kwam ukujikeleza induli eDivisidero kwiminyaka eli-10 eyadlulayo ndaza ndabona ukubonwa kwamadoda athandana namanye athandana nabantu abahamba ngehempe, bezithembile kwaye benekratshi. Olu suku belushushu kwaye luhle ngendlela engaqhelekanga. Imibala eqaqambileyo yeflegi yema ngathi yiprism ngokuchasene nesibhakabhaka esingenamafu, esibhakabhaka esibhakabhaka. Kwandothusa, kuba phakathi kwengxubakaxaka kaGawulayo, ndaphantse ndalindela ukuba kumdlalo bhanyabhanya omnyama nomhlophe omdaka kunye neZombi ezinentsholongwane ye-HIV zindilinde zinditye ndizityele inyama yam. ... Kodwa bendinokukhetha ezimbalwa. Kuya kufuneka ndibeke emngciphekweni, ndibeke ubomi bam emgceni okomzuzwana wothando, okanye ndishiywe ndedwa ngonaphakade. Le yokugqibela yayingenakucingeleka. Ukufa kwakukhetha ukukhanyela iimvakalelo zam. Ukucofa ibunzi lam kwiglass ebandayo yefestile, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba emva kweminyaka, ndize ngokujikeleza ngokupheleleyo. Ngaphandle kokucinga, ndiye ndangena kwigumbi lokuhlambela ndakhasa phantsi kwesinki apho bekukho khona i-enemas. Ngolo suku ndandinayo eyokugqibela. Ndahlala etoilet ndalila. Bendingayazi into endiyenzayo, kodwa nokuba iyintoni na, bendingafuni ukuyenza. Ngelo xesha, ndaziva ndinyanzelekile kwaye ndaphantse andakwazi ukuqonda ezam izenzo. Ndeva ilizwi entlokweni yam lisithi, "Awunakuyenza le nto," kodwa umzimba wam wawulawulwa ukude.

Ndiphume phandle, ndajika ikona ndalungiselela iklabhu yam endiyithandayo. Xa ndandimtsha eSan Francisco, ndandithetha kuphela namanye amadoda kwigumbi lokugcina ii-gaybar nee-disco. Ukufumana ukungoneliseki, bendifuna ukuthandaza kwiNgcwelengcwele. Ndikhethe iklabhu yezesondo, endandiyidlula ngamakhulu amaxesha, kodwa ndingoyiki ukuya. Kumnyango ongasemva kweglasi yeebhulethi kwakuhleli ithafa elaline-bald enobuso belitye. Ndiyathemba ukuba wayeyi-harbinger ye-masculinity ngaphakathi. Ndithe nje ndakubhatala ukwamkelwa ndangena ngomnyango, ebumnyameni kwavela umntu oncedisayo ongumfazi ngaphandle kwendawo. Wayenentliziyo kwaye eyinyama njengentombazana. Ukuthamba kwayo yayiyinto ecekisekayo nengafunekiyo yokukhumbula amanqatha omntwana kunye nokuqunjelwa kwe-premenstrual. Ngendlela engaqhelekanga, wandikhumbuza ngokungakwazi kwezitabane ukuvelisa inzala. Wayeluphawu lwesiphithiphithi. Sawathanda amadoda awayebonakala ngathi ngamadoda. Kwakukho imigaqo engqongqo kwinkcubeko yesini yesini, kwaye tsala iilitha bathathelwa ingqalelo njengabaphumeleleyo ukuba bakhangeleka njengabesini esahlukileyo [kodwa bengabukeka njengabafazi]. Undiphathise ikhondom kunye nebhegi enjenge-ketchup-yegrisi. Ndilahle ibhegi yam kwigumbi elitshixwayo ndaqhubeka nokujikeleza igumbi, ndinxibe ngokupheleleyo. Ndingathini i Zonke ezinye zazinqunu okanye zinxibe ithawula emhlophe kuphela esinqeni. Umsizi ongena fomu weza kum weza kum waza wandohlwaya ngenxa yokungazi kwam. Wayemyalela esithi, "Aninakuhamba apha ninxibe iimpahla. Ndibuyele kwigumbi elivaliweyo ndalungisa yonke into.

Ubume beklabhu wawuneqela lendawo ezime ngendlela engaqhelekanga, eya iba mnyama njengoko babehamba ngokunzulu. Ukuhonjiswa kubandakanya onke amaqelana abantu abesilisa: i-chrome etyibilikisiweyo, iipilo zemnyama ezi-vinyl ezimnyama kunye nama-murals ane-bodybuilders. Iindawo eziphambili zangaphambili bezizezona zibanzi, emva kwazo yayingamagumbi angenanto ipeyintiweyo emnyama. Ekuqaleni bendihlala kwindawo yebar, evula igumbi lokuhlambela kunye nesauna yokuqala. La yayingamanqanaba emidlalo, apho, njengamagumbi ahlukeneyo, izithandana zabuyisela umva ubunzima bomntwana, apho ngokungxama ngokuhlekisa emva kwezifundo zomzimba ngokwasemzimbeni zavuselelwa ngolu hlobo kunyango lweqela. Apha, ubuncinci ngobusuku obunye, ukudideka kobuntwana phantse kwanyamalala, kodwa kwangaxeshanye isikhundla esifanayo kwigumbi lesikolo sigcinwe, apho umtsalane ngokwasemzimbeni wawusele ungowona uphambili. Ukuchaswa kwakukhona, kodwa kwakufihlakele, kwaye wonke umntu, nkqu nesagugi kunye nabantu abadala, unokufumana iqabane. Kwimeko egqithileyo, kumagumbi angasemva kulungiselelwe amadoda afuna umzimba wobudoda kuphela ohamba negazi. Akukho nto ingene nzulu ngokwaneleyo. Njengama dildos amade ahlekisayo athengiswayo kuyo yonke ivenkile yesini yesini, akukho nto inokungena ngaphakathi kwaye ichukumise kwinto eyonzakeleyo. Ndikhumbula umhlobo wam owayenezakhono ezintle inqindi. Wayephupha ukuba imini iya kufika apho amkele khona umntu ongaphezulu kwendlu. Yayiphantse yangummangaliso ekwakheni kwakhona idini lomntu wama-Aztec, apho umbingeleli wangena khona emzimbeni wakhupha isifuba esibethayo sexhoba elibi.

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngabantu besini esinye kwakungumxube wolonwabo kunye nokuhlukumeza. Uhlobo lokuzibetha apho amanxeba asandula ukwenzakala angapholi, kwaye abantu abadala bahlala belityelwe. Ukuphelelwa lithemba, yonke into iba luhlobo lwe-melodrama ebuhlungu: amadoda ayabotshwa kwaye athuthunjiswe, njengakwimidlalo yokudlala indima ebonisa amanyala ebonisa ubuKrestu bokuqala. Umahluko kuphela kukuba inkululeko ayenzeki ngokuhlawulela ukubandezeleka, ke wonke umntu uya phambili.

Ndiphume kwigumbi lokuhlambela ndaya kwicandelo elikhulu eligcinelwe iintsimbi kunye neebhentshi zoqeqesho ezahlukeneyo. Umbala ongwevu wombala weendonga wawunjengevenkile yomatshini okanye igaraji. Indawo ishiywe sisiqingatha, kodwa kukho ivumba elikhethekileyo, elinokudityaniswa komoya onamathelayo, omanzi ukusuka kwigumbi lokuhlambela kunye nemaskum evela kwiikona ezinzulu zeklabhu. Oku bekuphazamisa kwaye kuyinxila, kusizisa ngaphambili iinkumbulo ezazimfiweyo zazo zonke iindawo zamadoda apho ndagxothwa ngonaphakade. Ukuba ndiyinkwenkwe engakhuselekanga ngokungaginyisi mathe, mna bendijonge phambili kwaye ndisoyika kwigumbi lokutshixela kwamadoda kwigumbi lokuqubha, apho usapho lwam lwalutyelele khona ngehlobo. Injongo yam yayingekokujonga nje umntu oze ze; ubumnandi yayikukuba phakathi kwabantu. Oku kwakwanele ukucacisa ixabiso lokungena kwi-sauna ye-gay okanye i-disco. Ngapha koko, sasikulungele ukuhlawula nantoni na.

Ndaphefumlela phezulu ndaza, ndiqhutywa kukugxalathelana kweadrenaline kunye nomnqweno wokuba ngomnye wabo, ndathelela umngcelele ondilisekileyo wamadoda awayehamba ndaweni ithile. Le “ndawo” yayifihlwe kubumnyama obupheleleyo. Ndikwazile ukwenza amagqabantshintshi angacacanga afana neemo zabantu. Phambi kwakunzima ukwenza ibhentshi engumxande ekhanyiswe luzizi, efana nomgangatho, egqunywe ngezinto ezimnyama. Engqiyame phezu kwesihlalo, amadoda aliqela ahamba ze ayeguqe ngamadolo. Ndandingaziboni iintloko okanye ubuso babo, iimpundu zabo eziphakanyisiweyo kuphela. Ndema ndingashukumi kangangemizuzwana. Nantsi. Ndandiyifikelele incopho yeyona minqweno inzulu. Isiphelo ngokoqobo sendoda nganye yesitabane kukuhlala ngamadolo, inabe iimpundu, ngethemba lokuba kuya kuvela indoda ethile. Kuphela le ntlanganiso yentelekelelo kunye noPhezukonke, kunye noSomandla, iphela njengokwabelana ngesondo kwamadoda - kunye nokuhla okutshabalalisayo kwi-androgens ukuya kwinqanaba lomda wokudakumba. Yenza wonke umntu acinge. Ngenxa yoko, ama-gay ngokungazi azama ukungcwalisa i-gay sex, kwaye ekuphelelweni kwabo kuba yinto yobunzima obumnyama. Queer theorist kunye nombhali-mbali uMichael Bronski wakhumbula indlela iiklabhu zesini gay San Francisco phambi kwexesha AIDS waba "icawa" yaye, kuye, "okumangalisayo kwaye engcwele, nokuba ngcwele."

Kwi-2013, igqwetha lesini kunye nomzabalazo uDan Savage, ophakanyiswe njengomKatolika, othetha ngenkqubo kaBill Maher, uthe: “Kwabo bathi amadoda amabini akanakuzala umntwana, ndihlala ndiphendula ukuba kuThixo akukho nto ayinakwenzeka. Ke ngoko, ndiza kuqhubeka nokungenisa umyeni wam kwaye ugcine iminwe yam iwele ”. Ngaphandle kokungathandeki kunye nokukhohlakala, okokuqala okokoko iRandy Shields yalishiya eli lizwe, into eyityhila ngokunzulu yathethwa yindoda efanasini malunga nokuthandana kwabantu besini esinye. USavage engaqondanga watyhila isiphene esikhulu kuvavanyo lobufanasini: umphefumlo wakhe owonakalisayo. Endaweni yokwamkela le nyaniso, kukho ukubuyela okumangalisayo kwinto eyayikade ithathwa ngokuba "yimigangatho heterocentric." Nangaphambi koqhankqalazo lukaStonewall, onguvulindlela womzabalazo wamalungelo ezitabane, uKarl Wittmann, kwinkululeko yakhe "Ukubonakaliswa ngokwesiniIkhuphe esi silumkiso silandelayo:

“Izitabane kufuneka ziyeke ukuvavanya ukuzithemba kwazo ukuba zilingisa njani emtshatweni wesini esahlukileyo. Abantu abatshatileyo abathandani besini esinye baya kuba neengxaki ezifanayo nezabo bafanane nomntu ongatshatanga naye, kodwa umahluko kuphela wokuba baya kuba yimbumba. Ukukhululeka kwezitabane kukuba kuthi ngokwethu sigqibe ngendlela kwaye sihlala nabani, endaweni yokuvavanya ulwalamano lwethu malunga nabantu abathe tye kunye neenqobo zabo.

Ngaphantsi kokunyanzelwa kwebhayoloji yamadoda, ekhululwe kwinkcaso yabafazi kunye neentombi, amadoda athandana nabantu abathandanayo bathambekele kubambiswano oluninzi kunye nokungazinzi, ngenxa yoko Inani eliphantsi umtshato wesini esifanayo (i-9,6%), ethi emva kwesigqibo sika-Obergefell inyuke kuphela nge-1,7%, kunye ukugcinwa kokosuleleka yintsholongwane kaGawulayo phakathi kwamadoda malunga nolwalamano oluzinzileyo. Yintoni eyacetyiswa nguWittmann, eneneni, yinyani yokwenziwa kobudlelane phakathi kwamadoda athandana nabantu abangatshatanga, kodwa ubukhulu becala ayingomntu omnye, kodwa kuyaxoxwa naye. ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, kuvela imbonakalo elingana nobungqingili bendoda kunye nobungqingili okanye kunye ne-lesbianism. Ayisiyonto intle ukuba abatshisekeli bokuqala bomtshato wesini esifanayo babekhe babe badala kwaye phantse babe ngamadoda atshatileyo okanye babe ngamafanasini. Isimo sabo sokuphelisa ukuya exesheni ngenxa yamadoda kunye nokubandakanyeka ngokungathandabuzekiyo kwesondo (nangona bethathekiswa kukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo) bayitshintshe ngokupheleleyo imifanekiso yobuntu besini esithandekayo, ekuthi kwii-70 zinikezelwe ngokufanelekileyo ngokuxelisa I-castro clones kunye neqela labahlali belali. Ke, icekeceke ngokupheleleyo kwaye ioyile yanamhlanje yee-icon zesini zavela, ezifana noNate Berkus noNeil Patrick Harris.

I-bloom engapheliyo yesini gay esinda kuphela kwi-hardcore engagcinwanga. Kude kube sekupheleni kwe-1990's, ukulala ngesondo ngaphandle kwekhondomu phantse kwakungathandekiyo kwi-gay porn. Emva koko umontlalontle ozinze eSan Francisco ogama linguPaul Morris wavuselela ilizwe elihlileyo lexesha likaGawulayo. Ukusukela ngoko, ipesenti yamadoda athandana nabantu abatshatileyo ababelana ngesondo rhoqo ngaphandle kwekhondomu, iyaqhubeka nokukhula.

Umbhiyozo ovulekileyo wesini esingakhuselekanga, kunye nokuphendula okuchaseneyo okukhokelela kumthetho wokutshatana kwabantu besini esinye, kubangelwe ziinkumbulo zentshutshiso zikaGawulayo. Le yayiyimpendulo yabo babefuna ukubuyela kwi-70, kumfanekiso othile wendoda engatshatanga eyenziwe yimithombo yeendaba eyayilawula amashumi amabini eminyaka eyadlulayo - umfanekiso wombhoxo otyhafileyo nobekekileyo. Kodwa kutsha nje, ipradigm entsha sele iphuhlisiwe, kunye nokuhlangana okunganyanzelekanga kokudityaniswa kwamadoda athandana nabantu abatshatileyo kuluntu lwe-LGBT engenangqondo, kunye nowesifazane ongumfazi we-androgynous njengeyona nto yakhe ingafikelelekiyo - i-Ellen DeGeneres.

Ubomi bam kunye nobomi bezitabane abasindileyo ngeli xesha lexesha babonisa amathemba, ixhala, kunye nokuwa kokugqibela kwelo xesha kunye nokuvavanywa kwesini sonke. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, sifike eSan Francisco, eNew York, eLos Angeles okanye kwenye indawo ngolunye ulindelo olufanayo: ukufumana umntu oza kusithanda, nokuba usithanda ngokubuya. Ekuqaleni, izindululo zokuqala ezingqongqo, ezazibandakanya ukusetyenziswa kweekhondomu, i-nonoxynol-9, kunye namadama amazinyo, kwakubonakala ngathi azibalulekanga kangako emva kwexesha elibuhlungu nelineziphithiphithi, ngexesha esasisilwa nesazisi. Ukuhlamba kwindawo entsha entsha, ukukhanya komoya wokuphefumla kwamadoda entanyeni yethu kwanele ukusithumela ekugcobeni. Emva koko yonke into iyatshintsha. U-Awe uyakhawuleza kwaye angabi namandla. Ukuya kwibar okanye kwi-disco kufana nokujonga iphephabhuku elidala elifanayo le-porn oyibile kwivenkile yendawo njengomntwana. Xa sele uyiphathe kakuhle ipropathi iba yintuthumbo, kwaye uyilahla. Oku kungalungisi okwenzeka ngoku kuwo onke amadoda, izitabane kunye nabantu abathandanayo, abasoloko bephembelela imifanekiso engamanyala ye-Intanethi.

Esoyika ukuba ulonwabo lubonakala ngathi luya luphela, uninzi lwamadoda luba nexhala kwaye imisebenzi yabo iya isiba krwada kwaye iziphathe kakubi. Ngasekupheleni kweminyaka yoo-1990, inkwenkwana eneminyaka elishumi elinesibhozo eyayisoyika yayinako ukwenza nantoni na. Okwethutyana, umboniso yayiyinto entsha ebandakanya ukuzonwabisa. Ngaphambi kokufika kwee-intanethi zenethiwekhi, ndaye ndazibonakalisa ngorhatya kwiklabhu yasekhaya. Kwisiphelo sokugqibela, ndatyibilika ndawela eqongeni, ndangena edamini lobudoda kunye negrisi evuzayo kumdlali wangaphambili. Ndiqale ukulala ngesondo kwiipaki zalapha ekhaya, ezimotweni ezipakishwe, kwizindlu zangasese eziphathwayo ngexesha lokuqhayisa ngesini. Ngobusuku obuya kuba kukugqibela njenge-gay, ndandikulungele ukubeka umngcipheko kuyo yonke into okokugqibela. Ukukhangela kwam ukwamkelwa, uthando, kunye nobudoda kwahlala kungaphelelanga kwaphela. Ndaphela phantse apho bendiqala khona, ndime phantse kwindawo enye kwisithuba seminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo. Kodwa bendisoyika. Umfana yena zange andishiye. Ubomi besini kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini namadoda akuzange kumguqule abe yindoda. Ebesakhangele oko endithathe ndahamba naye. Kuphela ngumzimba wam owawusonakala.

Ekuseni, ekubeni ndinesiqingatha emva kweklabhu yezesondo, ndaye ndangxwelerha, ndangqengqa emhadini. Ndigabha igazi, kwaye ngokukhawuleza ukuphuma kwesisu kwenza ikholon yam ingenanto yayo. Ndifikelele kwiimpahla zam zangaphantsi - ndopha ngaphakathi. Ubomi bam bujikeleza kuzo zombini iziphelo. Apho, ngokokubona kwam, kukho umnyango wokuphakanyiswa, ndankqonkqoza indawo yokuwela ukufa. Le yayilihlazo lam lokugqibela. Ukuba izulu lithetha uhlobo lobomi emva kobomi, kwaye isihogo siyakuba sisiphelo kwaye singonaphakade sesisibetho, bendiya kukhetha isiqalekiso.

Ndangena eSan Francisco ngeenyawo zam, kodwa ndayibeka kwisarha. Indoda eyandilanda ngala mhla wobumnyama yayingafani nomnye umntu endakhe ndadibana naye. Wathatha umzimba wam ongaphilanga ekhaya - endlwini yabazali bam. Apho, ndivuke kwigumbi lam lokulala elidala, ndingqongwe ziinkumbulo ezithile zobuntwana ezihleliwe. Eyona bhedi bendikhe ndayonwabela bubuthongo bam bokuqala, ngoku bendinegazi.

Iinyanga ezalandelayo bezihlala nochungechunge lweentlanganiso noogqirha abahlukeneyo, iingcali kunye noogqirha botyando. Iintloni kunye nentlungu ebendikhe ndibaleka kuzo ixesha elide ngoku azinakugwenywa. Phambi koqhaqho, kwanyanzeleka ukuba ndiphantse ukuhlekisa kwakhona ngenkqubo efanayo yokucoca.

Ngexesha lenkqubo, inxenye ye-rectum yam yasuswa ngenxa yobukho bezilonda eziqatha zangaphakathi. Njengomntu ovalelwe kwiMarquis de Sade, ii-sphincters zam zazithungwa ngentambo emnyama. Ndamiselwa uluhlu olude lwe-emollients kunye ne-laxatives, ekwakufuneka ndisele amanzi amaninzi ukwenza i-bowel ehamba ngomgodi omxinene kakhulu. Izilumkiso azisebenzi Ukuyekisa ukopha, ndibeke itawuli kwimikhono yam kwaye ndaya kwigumbi likaxakeka. Ngelixa ndaye ndangqengqa ngodonga lwegumbi lokulinda, phakathi kwabantwana abakhalisayo nabaguli abadala abanesiyezi, igazi laqala ukutyhutyha iifutshane.

Kwiiyure ezimbalwa ezilandelayo, ndilele kwigurney eqinileyo yesibhedlele. Ndabiza umongikazi, kodwa kukho nje ukungxola. Isibini esikwishumi elivisayo sasilele ecaleni kwam emva kwekhethini elicekeceke: elinye linengxaki yokusetyenziswa kweepilisi zokugcina ngokukhuselekileyo, kwaye elinye lisulelo olunzima lwamalungu omnatha ngenxa ye-STDs eziphambili. Kwakucocekile.

Ndaye ndaya kwindlu yangasese, ndazijingxela kwigumbi lokuphumla ndisebenzisa umgangatho ococekileyo. Ukubuyela ebhedini yam, ndatsala umkhondo wamachaphaza amnyama abomvu emva kwam. Esi yayingesosimo phakathi phakathi kwezulu nomhlaba - yayisisihogo. Ndiswelekile kwaye ndathunyelwa kwintlungu engapheliyo njengomlingiswa kumdlalo we-bawdy tale - umfana onomqolo owaphukileyo. Ndothusa kakhulu ugqirha kunye nabongikazi, ndaphuma esibhedlela ndagoduka.

Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ezilandelayo, andidlanga nto ngaphandle kwegranular, umgubo ocoliweyo oxutywe namanzi kunye neplamu yejusi. Ndime eshafeni, ndazijikisa ngeenyawo. Andikwazi ukuhlala okanye ukudinisa. Amaxesha amaninzi andizange ndibenalo ixesha lokusuka ebhedini yam ukuya kwindlu yangasese. Imitha nje ukusuka kwindlu yangasese, ndityibilika ndawa kumgangatho weethayile, owawusele utyibilika ukusuka kwindawo egudileyo.

Umzimba wam ngokuthe ngcembe waphola, kodwa nangona kunjalo, ndaqhubeka nokungcola. Omnye umsebenzi uza kulandela, emva koko omnye. Kwiminyaka kamva, ndiyaqhubeka nokubandezeleka ngokungapheliyo. Ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka, iintlungu ezihlala zikho kunye neentloni, ndizibona ndisikelelekile kuba ndikwazile ukubaleka ubufanasini akunakuchazeka xa kuthelekiswa nabahlobo bam abaninzi. Ezinye izibonda ziya kuhlala nam ngelixa ndisaphila, kodwa ndingaphila nabo. Ngendlela, isikhumbuzo esiqhubekayo sokuba ndingubani na kwaye uThixo wandisindisa phi. Abanye baphethe amanqaku angenakunyanzeliseka eentsholongwane zokugonywa komntu ezifihla kwilungu ngalinye lomzimba. Kodwa ukutyhubela iminyaka, iingxaki zam zempilo ziye zaba mandundu. Ndiziva ndimdala. Abo bahlobo bambalwa abasindileyo kubomi bethu bangaphambili bakuloo ngxaki inye. Siphelekezela omnye komnye ukuya kugqirha, rhoqo ukuthumela amakhadi ngeminqweno yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo kunye nemicimbi yokuthandazelwa. Umnqweno wethu wothando waphela kumaphupha angagcwalisekanga, imizimba eyonakalisiweyo kunye namangcwaba abafileyo.

Kumnqweno wethu ongenakuthintelwa wokuqonda ihlabathi kunye nathi, sasikulungele ukuhamba ngokuchasene neNdalo kunye noThixo ngokwakhe. Sazityeshela iziseko zephysology, kwaye oku kululwaphulo-mthetho sahlawula kakuhle, ngokudibeneyo nangokobuqu. Kule nkqubo, siphose imizimba yethu kunye nenkcubeko ejikelezileyo kwisiphithiphithi. Kwilinge elibi lokuzilungisa, sathi uluntu maluvume imvukelo yethu. Kodwa umthetho owasungulwa ngabantu awunakutshintsha ukwakheka komzimba.

umthombo: UJoseph Sciambra. Ukusinda kwi-Gay ... Ngokukhathalayo. Isifinyezi.

Ukongeza:

Iingxaki zoluntu "lwe-gay" ngamehlo abantu bangaphakathi