Since the time of the sexual revolution, attitudes toward homosexuality have changed dramatically. Today, for homosexuals in the West, the battle seems to be won: gay clubs, gay parades, gay marriage. Now "gay is okay." Administrative punishments and unprecedented lawsuits await those who oppose LGBT people, along with labels of fanatic and homophobe.
Tolerance and widespread acceptance of sexual freedom apply to all but one segment of the population — those who want to break with homosexuality and start a heterosexual lifestyle. These men and women experience homosexual feelings but do not want to accept a homosexual identity. They believe that homosexuality does not represent their real nature and seek deliverance.
Such people usually face hostile reactions from their former “associates.” Their choice to leave their gay identity behind is often seen as a betrayal by the LGBT community and turns them into outcasts. The heterosexual community is wary of them; for the gay community they pose a threat with their position. In fact, there is no community that would accept them, and therefore these people do not like to declare themselves.
Some of them turn to therapy, which will help them achieve the desired change, but their options are limited and often accompanied by vigorous resistance. LGBT leaders argue that such therapy is dangerous, homophobic, and that no one can truly change their sexuality. Some say that such therapy should be prohibited, while others defend it, arguing that they have changed, and that everyone should be free to choose their own path and whom they want to love - even if for this it is necessary to leave the gay community.
Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, Jr. - the son of a leading specialist in the treatment of homosexuality, continues the work of his father after his premature death last year. In founded by him Reintegration Therapy Associations, a wide range of psychotherapeutic assistance is offered to people trying to cope with an undesirable same-sex attraction.
There is a distinction to be made between different types of therapy, Joseph explains.” — What some call “conversion therapy” is a very broad and vague term, with no code of ethics or governing body. Conversion therapy is something that is largely practiced by unlicensed individuals. In reintegrative therapy, the client plays a leading role. A licensed psychotherapist offers a client standard, evidence-based treatments for childhood trauma or any sexual addictions they may have, and as these issues are addressed, sexuality begins to change on its own.
In conversations about the ethics of this approach, the question of identity often comes up: are these people the “gay” people we are trying to make straight, or have they always been straight and we are just helping them to be themselves? This is about self-determination, and what really defines each of us is not who we want to have sex with, not our sexual desires, but our ideals. My clients also believe that their ideals define them, and I agree with them.
There have been many accusations that people are forcibly forced to change. I think that there is some historical truth in this - everything happened in different religious groups. There are also very strict parents who make their children change. However, this is not at all what reintegration therapy does - we are not trying to get rid of the unwanted same-sex drive. We help these people to realize themselves, and as soon as this happens, sexuality changes on its own.
As the name implies, we are talking about reintegration. The idea is to reunite with parts of our personality that have split off or been rejected. Many of my clients felt that as a child their courageous ambitions were rejected and condemned, that their male aspirations were suppressed, in a sense.
Many men with same-sex attraction will say that they have always felt like “that way.” We know that the problem begins at a very early age - a disconnection from masculinity. Such boys often feel that they are weaker, that they are unable to connect with men or with their father, and this is probably the most important reason. There are exceptions, of course, but for the vast majority of men who have developed same-sex attraction, this is truly a standard process. What is not covered is that many of these men describe remarkably similar childhood experiences. They usually describe their father as distant and critical, and their mothers as very intrusive, meddling, and sometimes tyrannical. In addition, these clients often have sensitive temperaments. Taken together, these factors increase the likelihood that a boy will have difficulty in his gender development: separation from his mother and identification with his father.
At a certain stage of development, the boy will try to establish contact with men from his environment and imitate them. But if the boy’s environment does not favor his male aspirations, if something in his environment complicates the task, then the boy has a feeling of resentment, and he steps back - to his mother, and does not make the necessary shift in his gender identity. We see this with many of our customers. Girls are their best friends. They know women like the back of their hand. Men are mysterious for them, men are exciting, exotic. Men are unknown to my clients.
The masculinity of an individual with same-sex attraction does not receive full approval. He questioned his masculinity; he did not believe in it to the end. The reason for this may be a bad or close relationship with a father or brothers, bullying at school, sexual abuse, etc. The more a person in his youth is criticized by his surroundings, the more shame he feels, the more he is condemned, the more guardianship (“no, no, you can’t play with other boys in the mud, you can get sick”), the stronger he feels that he is not like everything that he is not good enough, not strong enough - the more he begins to believe in it, and then feel it, and then, for no reason, when puberty begins, he same-sex attraction appears.
If a client who believes that his same-sex attraction does not represent who he really is comes to see a gay-affirmative therapist, the therapist will simply tell him that he is not allowed to have that opinion, that he should simply admit that he is “gay,” accept his “ homosexuality” and come to terms with it - and this is the only thing that can help him feel better. There is a very large group of people for whom this simply does not suit, who do not feel that this is right for them. We do not force the client to choose any path. We provide any option of his choice.
As the therapy progresses, clients note an increase in self-confidence, they feel more connected with other men and more relaxed in communicating with them, and as a by-product, they notice that their same-sex attraction decreases by itself. You need to know that the last 30 years of science have shown that sexuality is fluid and can change in some people. This is fully consistent with neuroscience. We know that those areas of the brain that are most associated with sexual preferences are precisely the very areas that change throughout our lives.
Change is possible. It is up to you.
American McRae Game, founder of one of the most famous centers for the treatment of homosexuality in the United States with conversion therapy, now turned out to be a gay coming out