I-Kocharyan Garnik Surenovich, Doctor of Medical Sciences, uProfesa woMnyango Wezocansi, Psychology Yezokwelapha, Ukuvuselelwa Kwezokwelapha Nezengqondo kweKharkov Medical Academy. wethule incwadi ethi “Shame and Loss of Attachment. Ukusetshenziswa kokwelapha okuphindayo ”. Umbhali ungomunye wochwepheshe abahlonishwa kakhulu futhi abaziwa umhlaba wonke emkhakheni wezokwelapha ezibuyisela emuva, umsunguli weNational Association for the Study and Treatment of Homosexuality (NARTH) - uDkt Joseph Nicolosi. Le ncwadi yaqala ukushicilelwa e-USA ngo-2009 ngaphansi kwesihloko esithi Shame and Attachment Loss: The Practical Work of Reparative Therapy.

Encwadini yakhe, uDkt. UNicolosi uxoxa ngokuthi ukuphathwa nge-drive engafuneki yobungqingili kubhekwa njengento eyamukelekayo yini. Ngokombono wakhe, isifiso sabanye ochwepheshe ukwenqabela ngokusemthethweni ukuphathwa okunjalo kuphambene nesifiso sokuhlukahluka esishiwo yi-liberalism yanamuhla. Impela, isiguli esinezinkinga zokukhangwa ubungqingili futhi sifuna ukumsusa sinelungelo lokuthola usizo olufanele, ngoba uma kungenjalo kungaba ukwephula amalungelo abantu.

Umbono ojikelezwe amaqembu anentshisekelo wokuthi ukuguqula (ukubuyisela ubuhlobo ngokocansi, ukuphindisela, ukwahlukanisa), obezange kungaphumeleli ukunqabela ngokuphelele, ngoba kucatshangwa ukuthi akunakusebenza futhi, ngaphezu kwalokho, kuyalimaza kakhulu, kuyiphutha. Lokhu, ikakhulukazi, kuboniswa yimiphumela yocwaningo lokuqala oluhlelelwe ngokukhethekile ukusebenza kwe-ukuguqulwa kwekhambi (elihlolwa ngabantu be-882), elibonisa ukuthi i-45% yalabo abazibona njengobungqingili bodwa bashintsha indlela yabo yokuya ocansini baba abathandanayo ngokuphelele noma baba bakhulu bobungqingili kunobungqingili (J. Nicolosi, 2000). Isipiliyoni somsebenzi wethu wemitholampilo, kanye nabanye ochwepheshe abaningi, futhi sibonisa ukusebenza okungenzeka kokuguqulwa kokulashwa.

UDkt. UNicolosi uphawula ukuthi ukuhlola ngobuqotho isimo sobungqingili kuveza ukuthi, ngisho nangaphandle kokucabangela imiphumela yaso eminingi engemihle emphakathini, akukhona ukubonakaliswa okungenangozi kokuhlukahlukana kwabantu, kodwa kuyisimo esibonakala ngokuphazamiseka kwemizwelo. Ngokuphambene nombono wokuthi zonke izinkinga zengqondo zongqingili zihlotshaniswa nokungavunyelwa komphakathi, umbhali udonsela ukunaka ebukhoneni bezinkinga ezikhona esimweni sobungqingili uqobo. Njengobufakazi, uveza iqiniso lokuthi amazinga aphezulu ezinkinga zengqondo phakathi kongqingili awehlile emadolobheni athanda izitabane njengeSan Francisco noma amazwe abekezelela izitabane njengeNetherlands neDenmark.

Ziningi izinhlanganisela zezizathu zokuheha ubungqingili. Esimweni ngasinye, lezi zinto zihlangana ngendlela yazo. Imodeli yombhali ehlongozwayo yokwakhiwa kokuheha ubungqingili igxile kumathonya wezinto eziphilayo (ukuthambeka okwamukelayo), kepha ngezinga elikhulu kakhulu ekuthini abazali bangakwazi ukugcina ubunikazi bomfana obukhulayo. Indima ethile idlalwa isipiliyoni esingesihle sokuxhumana nabalingani bobulili obufanayo. Konke lokhu kuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wokuhlukaniswa ngamadoda, lapho umfana ehehwa ngubulili bakhe, ebheka amanye amadoda engaqondakali futhi ehlukile kuye.

UDkt. UNicholas ubika ukuthi emphakathini wamanye amadoda, iningi labesilisa abathandana nobungqingili lizizwa lingakhululekile, futhi izizathu zalokhu zingatholakala ebuntwaneni. Lokhu kungenxa yokuhlukaniswa kukababa, okujwayelekile ekukhuleni kwendoda yobungqingili futhi kugxilile ku-etiology yokukhangwa kobungqingili. Amadoda anesifiso esifanayo sobulili afuna ukusondelana namanye amadoda, njengoba efuna ukuphulukiswa enxebeni olwaphathwa nguyise wawo. Basesimweni esijwayelekile sokufuna ubuhlobo obusondelene nabantu besilisa, kodwa ngasikhathi sinye besaba lobu budlelwano. Kwowesilisa ozama ukunqoba inkinga yakhe yobungqingili, kubalulekile ukusungula nokujulisa ubungane besilisa obunempilo. Umbhali ukholelwa ukuthi ubungani obuhlukile kowobungqingili nalabo bantu abathandanayo ngokobulili esigulini banikeza ithuba elikhulu kakhulu lokuphulukiswa.

Kaningi kunokuthi, ukuziphatha kobungqingili obufanayo kungumzamo wokubuyisela ukunamathela okukhululekile kubaba. Ukungabikho kwalokhu okunamathiselwe kususwe yimisebenzi yobungqingili, imicabango, nemicabango. Kepha akuyona yonke into ebekeka phansi kuphela ekuswelekeni kokunamathiselwa ohlelweni lwendodana nobaba. Ezimweni eziningi, ukuntuleka kokunamathiselwa kungenzeka kumiswe ezinkingeni zokulungiswa kohlelo lwe- “mama-son”. Ukusebenza kahle kokwelashwa okubuyekelayo kuqiniswa ngokusebenzisa izindlela ezihlola izinkinga zakuqala zokunamathiselwa kukamama nendodana.

Esahlukweni esinikelwe ekwelulekeni kwentsha kanye nezici zokulungiswa kwayo, uDkt. Nicolosi ubika ngethonya elibi lezinto zenhlalo ekwakhekeni kobunikazi bobulili kanye nesiqondiso sesifiso sobulili. Sikhuluma ngokwanda kwesibalo sabafundi abazibona bengabobulili obubodwa noma abathanda ubulili obufanayo, kanye nokwanda kwentsha enenkinga yobulili bayo. Isibalo sabaphumayo silokhu sikhula njalo. Uxhuma ngokuqondile lokhu nokuthandwa okwandisiwe kwe-"gayism" njengesici semfashini nesigqamayo.

Encwadini yakhe, uDkt. UNicholas uphawula izigaba ezine zokuzazi zobungqingili ezihambisana nezikhathi ezithile zobudala, futhi avelele pregender и postgender ubungqingili, okunqunywa, ngokulandelana, ku-80 ne-20% yamacala.

Ukuhluka kokuqala kokuhlangana kuhlotshaniswa nama-psychodynamics womndeni. Ngokombono wakhe, imodeli yomndeni "eyakha indodana engungqingili" imvamisa ayikwazi ukuqinisekisa ukuthathwa kwendoda kowesilisa esiteji lapho kusungulwa ubunikazi bakhe. (Ukuhlukaniswa kwakhiwa ngokwengqondo kokuhlaziywa kwengqondo okuhlaziya, okubonisa ukuthuthuka komuntu ngokuhlanganiswa kokuhlangenwe nakho okungazi nokwazi.) Emsebenzini wakhe, uDkt. U-Nicholas wayevame ukuhlangana nephethini ethile yomndeni, ehlanganisa amamodeli amabili aphula ukwehluka kobulili - umndeni we-classic kathathu nomndeni wama-narcissistic. Ngokubumbana bakha lokho akubiza ngokuthi ngumndeni kathathu-we-narcissistic.

Umndeni omathathu uyisistimu efaka umama okokufundisa ngokweqile nobaba oqinile / onqobile. Efanisa ubuntu bendodana emndenini onjalo, uNicolosi umchaza njengomuntu obonakala enamahloni, onamahloni, ongqondayo, onobuciko futhi obonakalayo. Omama bakholelwa ukuthi uma kuqhathaniswa namanye amadodana abo, lezi zingane zinokuzwela okwengeziwe nesisa, amakhono okukhuluma kanye nokuthambekela kokufuna ukwenza izinto ngokuphelele. Kugcizelelwa ukuthi yize ukufudumala kuvame ukunqunywa ngokwemvelo, ezinye zalezi zimpawu (ikakhulukazi ukwenama nokuzinza) zingatholakala. Isimo esizwelayo nesinomzwelo kangako somntwana sikhuthaza umama ukuba anamathele kuye, okumsusa ekukhuleni okujwayelekile endleleni yokugcotshwa okujwayelekile. Ubudlelwano phakathi kukababa nendodana abufaki. Umfana ubheka ukuthi ubaba wakhe uvalekile futhi ugxekile, akukho ukuqonda nokusebenzisana okusebenzayo phakathi kwabo, okuholela ekuphulweni kokumiswa komfana kobunikazi besilisa. Ubona ubaba njengento engaphephile / engafanele yokumazisa. Iziguli zikaNicolosy zivame ukuthi: "Angikaze ngimuqonde ubaba." "Ukuthi wayenjani, wayengeyena." "Uhlala egcina iphrofayili ephansi." "Ubengaboshwa, njengesikhumbuzo."

Isici esilandelayo sinegalelo elibi kulokhu. Njengoba umama ehlukanisa indodana yakhe nabanye abamele abesilisa, ngenxa yezimpawu zakhe zokusebenza kwengqondo, okuthi ngombono wakhe, zimenze abe ngcono kunamanye amadoda, akadingi ukufeza ubudoda ukuze athathe indawo yakhe emhlabeni. Isimo esithi "Mina nomama siphikisana nalezi zinambuzane ezinamandla ezinobudlova" zenza kube nzima ukwahlukanisa umfana (ukunqunywa kwakhe), kumvimbele ekutholeni amandla wobunikazi obudingeka kuye. Umphumela uba nomdlandla womfana ngaleyo ngxenye ehlanganiswe yobunikazi bakhe, angakwazanga ukusungula. Uqala ukumfuna "ndawana thize laphaya" ngomfanekiso wenye indoda, ezizwa ephethwe yithambo, lapho-ke ethola umuzwa ongathandeki.

Ehlola iqhaza labazali ekwakhekeni kobudoda, uNicolosi uphawula ukuthi umfana onempilo uyazi futhi uyajabula ukuthi “hhayi mina kuphela” futhi, kodwa nokuthi “ngingumfana”. Kwezinye izikhathi, abazali bamejezisa ngenkani ngenxa yokuziphatha kwabesilisa ngoba bambona eyingozi noma engakhululekile. Kwezinye izimo, lapho umfana ezalwa enesimo sokuzwela, abazami ukufeza ukubonakala kokukhonjwa kwabesilisa, okuthi lo mfana othize adinge ukwesekwa okukhethekile. Ukuqinisekisa umbono wakhe, uDkt. UNicolosi ubheka isitatimende sikaStoller sokuthi ubudoda buyimpumelelo, hhayi okunikezwe. Usengozini enkulu yokuhlukumezeka kwengqondo okwenzeka ngesikhathi sokuthuthukiswa nokwakhiwa kwamadoda.

Umfana owandulela ubungqingili, ubhala uDkt. UNicolosi, uthola ukwehlukana nothando lomzali ngamunye ngezindlela ezihlukile. Imvamisa uba nomuzwa wokuthi uyise uyamdelela noma uyamdelela, futhi umama wakhe uyamkhohlisa noma umsebenzisa ngokomzwelo. Bobabili abazali bangakwazi, ngendlela yabo, ngangokunokwenzeka kubo, ukuyithanda ingane, kodwa phakathi kokuxhumana ngezinga elithile basayina ukuthi "u" wakhe weqiniso akwemukeleki ngandlela thile.

Lapho lokhu kulahlekelwa ukunamathela kuzwakala ingane ekhulele ohlelweni lomndeni oluphindwe kathathu, izidingo zayo ezingathandeki zihlala, futhi lokhu kulahleka kugcinwe kwimemori yomzimba. Ngenxa yalokhu, ukulandelana okulandelayo kwakhiwa:

I-1) ukulahleka kokunamathiselwe okuyisisekelo;
I-2) ephuma kulokhu kusilela kobulili;
I-3) isinxephezelo sokushoda kobulili ngomsebenzi wobungqingili.

Ukulingisa kobungqingili, kubhala uG. Nicolosi, kuyindlela yokuzivikela yokulila ngenxa yokulahlekelwa ukusondelana ngokweqiniso komunye wabazali. Ukusebenza ngokulila kuzohlangabezana nokukhohlisa nokuphazamiseka, izindlela ezimbili ezinamandla. Ukukhohlisa yimibono emihle engamanga eqhutshwa yi-narcissism. Isibonelo senkohliso ejwayelekile yilesi sitatimende: “Ngifuna owesifazane omuhle kakhulu ozwelayo ngezidingo zami futhi ongiqonda ngokugcwele. Kuzothi uma ngithola eyodwa ngizibone sengikulungele ukushada. " Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukuhlanekezelwa kuyimibono engemihle engeyona eyehlazo. Ziyageleza zisuke kumuntu owonakele ziholele ekuziphatheni okulimazayo, okuzilimazayo nokungahambi kahle. Isibonelo sokuhlanekezelwa yilesi sitatimende: "Ayikho intombazane eyoke ingifune uma ingazi ngempela."

Uma ukukhohlisa nokuhlanekezela okunezimpande zokuhlukumezeka kwengane kuhlala kungasebenzi, khona-ke kusala nethuba elihle ngaphakathi. Ngemuva kokuthola imizwa engathandeki nemizwa ebuhlungu yomzimba ebusweni bezokwelapha, isiguli siqala ukuzizwa sihle. Njengomphumela wokufundwa kaninginingi kosizi, ukubhujiswa okuhamba kancane nokuhamba kancane kwesisekelo esiyisisekelo sobungqingili obungafuneki bokuthatha isiguli kuyenzeka, okuyela emuva ngemuva.

Ngemuva kwenqubo yosizi, kusho uJ. Nicolosi, iziguli ziqonda kangcono abantu abaye bathonya izimpilo zabo zangesikhathi esedlule. Le nqubo ayigcini nje ngokuvula amehlo abo kumalungu abalulekile omndeni wabo, kodwa futhi ibafundisa ukubaphatha ngokunganaki komuntu omdala owenqaba isifiso ayenaso ngaphambili ukuze abantu abangene ngqo empilweni yakhe bangcono noma bababi kunalokho empeleni zikhona. Umphumela wale nqubo ubuye ukwenqaba umuzwa wokungazi ukuthi wonke umuntu ukweleta, ukuthi abantu empilweni yamanje baphoqelekile ukukhokhela izikhalazo zakho zangesikhathi esedlule. Ukuqedwa kosizi kuphela ngemuva kokuthi umuntu ethole amandla okushiya izinkohliso nokuhlanekezela ayekusebenzisa ukufihla izinhlungu zokulahleka. Ngemuva kosizi, angaphila impilo eqotho kakhulu, esobala futhi enengqondo.

Umbhali uveza ukwakheka kwenketho yesibili (uhlobo lwangemva kobulili) kanjena. Uphawula ukuthi isiguli sangemuva kobulili siqede ngempumelelo isigaba sobunikazi bobulili, kepha kamuva sathola enye indlela yokuhlukumezeka lapho isifiso se-homoerotic saba ngumlawuli wokuthinteka. Ziba nezimfanelo zobudoda kanye nemikhuba engeyona eyabesifazane, lezi ziguli zibonakala “ziqondile,” kodwa ngasikhathi sinye ngaphakathi zizizwa zinezidingo eziphazamisayo zothando lobudoda. Ukulimala kwe-Postgender kuvame ukubangelwa ngumfowethu osekhulile, ubaba, ontanga abanobudlova nokuxhashazwa esikoleni. Kungaphakama futhi kube ngenxa yokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi noma ngenxa yokuthi umama "ongabahluphi" ongahlelekile obangele ukwesaba okukhulu nentukuthelo, isiguli esesisakaza kubo bonke abantu besifazane futhi esivimbela ukwakhelwa ubudlelwano obukhulu nabo. Amadoda la abonakala “njengabafana abajwayelekile,” kepha ngokuqinisekile akanasiqiniseko sobuntu bawo. Ukuheha ngokobulili obufanayo kweziguli ezinjalo akuqhutshwa isifiso sokufuna ukuba nezimfanelo zobudoda zenye indoda, kodwa ngesifiso sokudambisa uvalo ngokuxhaswa kwabesilisa nenduduzo, okuzonciphisa ukukhathazeka kwabo.

Umbhali ubika ngokuvela kwemibono yakhe ngobungqingili. Uma phambilini ekholelwa ukuthi ubungqingili buyindlela yokuzama ukubuyisa ukusilela kobunikazi bobulili, manje ububona njengokuthile okungaphezulu: ezingeni elijulile, kuyindlela yokuzivikela ebuhlungwini obujule kakhulu obudalwe ukulahleka kokunamathiselwe. Iqiniso lalo mbono, uyaphawula, liqinisekiswe ngaphezu kwesisodwa ngamadoda awabonisana nawo. Ubungqingili bufihla ukuhlupheka kokulahlekelwa okujulile futhi busebenza njengesiphazamiso sesikhashana (yize ekugcineni singagcwalisi) kusuka enhlekeleleni ehambisana nokuhlukumezeka okuyisisekelo kokulahlekelwa okunamathiselwe. Ukulingisa kobungqingili, njengokuqonda kwakhe, kuyindlela yokubuyisela (ukubuyisela), okuwumzamo wokungazi lutho wokuvala ukungabi nalutho. Ngokuheha ubulili bakhe, indoda izama ukugcwalisa isidingo esingenakuqhathaniswa sokunakekelwa, ukunamathiselwa, ukuvunywa kwabamele ubulili obufanayo, nokuqeda ukusilela kobunikazi bobulili.

Isibikezelo UVyachelav Khalansky, udokotela wezengqondo nodokotela wezifo zengqondo.

Buyekeza URobert Perloff, owayengumongameli we-American Psychological Association, uprofesa ovela e-University of Pittsburgh.

Buyekeza prof. Bilobrivki R. I., iNhloko yoMnyango Wezengqondo, Psychology kanye nezobulili, iLviv National Medical University UDaniil waseGalitsky.

Buyekeza UHermann Hartfeld, i-DRS, i-Theol., I-PhD.

Buyekeza Ozoqokelwa kwi-Pedagogical Science Science, Hlanganisa uSolwazi uGalina V. Katolik, iNhloko yoMnyango Wezengqondo Nezengqondo Zenkululeko Yunivesithi yase-Ukraine, uMongameli we-Ukraine Institute of Child and Youth Psychotherapy Nokwelulekwa Komndeni, oyilungu le-EAP.

Buyekeza Taras Nikolaevich Dyatlik, uSihlalo weBhodi Lomkhandlu Wamazwe Ngamazwe Wokufundisa Ngezenkolo, uMqondisi weSifunda we-Overseas Council Int. kwe-Euro-Asia, inhloko yomnyango wokuthuthukisa imfundo we-Euro-Asia Accreditation Association.

Buyekeza U-Elena Yaremko, udokotela wezengqondo, i-psychotherapist (i-psychotherapy yamaKristu ehlanganayo); I-Ukraine Catholic University.

Buyekeza U-Kocharyan Garnik Surenovich, MD, uprofesa woMnyango Wezocansi, I-Medical Psychology, Ukuvuselelwa Kwezokwelapha Nezifundo Zengqondo kweKharkov Medical Academy ye-Postgraduate Education

Imininingwane ejwayelekile mayelana nomlobi, izindatshana nezincwadi zakhe (endaweni kawonkewonke) kwethulwa kwiwebhusayithi yakhe yangasese  http://gskochar.narod.ru

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