Ku-1989, izishoshovu ezimbili zesitabane se-Harvard eshicilelwe incwadi echaza uhlelo lokuguqula isimo sengqondo somphakathi jikelele ngobungqingili ngokusebenzisa inkulumo-ze, imigomo eyisisekelo okuxoxwe ngayo lapha. Esahlukweni sokugcina sale ncwadi, ababhali bazichaza ngokweqile i-10 izinkinga ezinkulu ekuziphatheni kwabobungqingili, okumele kubhekwane nazo ukuze kuthuthukiswe isithombe sabo emehlweni omphakathi jikelele. Ababhali babhala ukuthi ongqingili bazenqaba zonke izinhlobo zokuziphatha; ukuthi baya ocansini ezindaweni zomphakathi, futhi uma bengena ngendlela, baqala ukumemeza ngcindezelo kanye nokuqothuka kwabasekhaya; ukuthi bangama-narcissistic, amanyala, ubugovu, bathambekele emangeni, ku-hedonism, kokungathembeki, unya, ukuzibhubhisa, ukuphika iqiniso, ukunganaki, ukuthatheka kwezepolitiki kanye nemibono yobuhlanya. Kuyathakazelisa ukwazi ukuthi eminyakeni engu-40 edlule, lezi zimfanelo zacishe zaba munye nanye ezichazwa ngudokotela wezengqondo odumile ogama lakhe Edmund Bergler, owafundela ubungqingili iminyaka engu-30 futhi waqashelwa “njengomcabango obaluleke kakhulu” kulo mkhakha. Kuthathe ababhali abangaphezu kwamakhasi angama-80 ukuchaza izinkinga ezihambisana nendlela yokuphila yomphakathi wezitabane. Isishoshovu se-LGBT u-Igor Kochetkov (umuntu osebenza njenge-ejenti yangaphandle) enkulumweni yakhe "Amandla ezepolitiki wenhlangano ye-LGBT yomhlaba: izishoshovu zawufeza kanjani umgomo wazo" wathi le ncwadi isiphenduke i-ABC yezishoshovu ze-LGBT emhlabeni wonke, kufaka phakathi neRussia, futhi eziningi zisasukela ezimisweni ezichazwe kuyo. Embuzweni: "Ngabe umphakathi we-LGBT uzisusile lezi zinkinga?" U-Igor Kochetkov wamphendula ngokumsusa futhi ebuza ukuvinjelwa, ngokusobala, ukuthi izinkinga zaqhubeka. Okulandelayo incazelo emfushane.

I-1. Amanga, amanga futhi futhi amanga
I-2. Ukwenqaba isimilo
I-3. I-Narcissism nokuziphatha kobugovu
I-4. Ukuziqhenya, ukuzenzakalisa
I-5. Ukuhlukumezeka komphakathi
I-6. Ukuziphatha okubi emigoqweni
I-7. Ukuziphatha kobudlelwano okungafanele
I-8. Ukuvinjwa kwemizwelo kanye ne-anesthesia
I-9. Ukuphikwa okungokoqobo, ukucabanga okungenangqondo ne-mythomania
I-10. I-gay fascism yezepolitiki kanye nengcindezelo yokunemba kwezepolitiki

Isimo Somphakathi Wethu: Ukuziqhenya Kwe-Gay Kuvimbela Ukuwa

Umgomo wethu ukubhala lesi sahluko esibi

Sethule uhlelo umkhankaso obanzi we-PR, okufanele uhlanze isithombe sethu esingenabuntu kakhulu, kodwa-ke, noma inkulumo-ze eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu emhlabeni ngeke ikwazi ukugcina isithombe esihle esikhathini eside, uma singacoceki. Kuze kube manje, amakhala ethu (nezinye izingxenye zomzimba) ahlanzekile kakhulu. Imigqa eqondile ayisizondeli nje ngenxa yezinganekwane zayo, kodwa futhi nalokho esikumelayo. Baqinisile ukuthi indlela yokuphila yobungqingili - hhayi ubulili bethu, kepha indlela yethu yokuphila - iyinkinga enkulu. Lesi sahluko sizokutshela ukuthi yini okungalungile ngama-gay amaningi nokuthi kungani.

Yini? Akufanele abantu abaqondile bashintshe?

Ngeshwa cha. Kuliqiniso, kufanele basolwe ngokuhlupheka kwethu, kepha kungaba yiphutha ukwenqaba ukuthi icala lethu likhona nasendleleni abaxhumana ngayo nathi. Kuyo yonke le minyaka, besilokhu sibheka indlela yokuziphatha kwezitabane ebukeka ingagugile, inobugovu, iyalimaza, iyisiwula futhi imbi. Lo mphakathi ubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi sizihlalele emuva futhi sithulise amakhanda ethu sithule ngengoma elungile yezepolitiki ethi "Konke okuthandekayo kulungile." Inhloso yethu lapha ukugxeka okwakhayo. Siveza izigaba eziyishumi zokuziphatha okungamukeleki - okwenziwa ngama-gay amaningi nokuthi abaholi abathandana nobungqingili bancoma futhi bakusebenzise njengengxenye yendlela yethu yokuphila. Lokhu ngeke kusakwazi ukuqhubeka ngenxa yezizathu ezimbili: okokuqala, sibukeka kabi ngenxa yalokhu emehlweni abantu abaqondile, futhi okwesibili, kuletha ukuhlupheka okungadingekile futhi kunciphisa izinga lempilo emphakathini wezitabane.

1. Amanga, amanga futhi futhi amanga

Lapho osemusha ongqingili eqaphela ukuthi akafani nabo bonke abanye abantu, cishe njalo uzwa izinhlungu, wesaba kanye nesidingo sokuqamba amanga. Noma engakhathazeki ngobungqingili bakhe, uthola injabulo ethile eyinqaba yokuthi uyazi okuthile ngaye okungaziwa kwabanye. Amanga ahlala isikhathi eside ngokuhamba kwesikhathi agcina esezisola, futhi abantu baya ngokuya baphendukela kulokhu kulusizo, bahlangabezana nobunzima kunoma iyiphi indawo yempilo. Kuyabonakala ukuthi inkambiso ephindaphindwa yanoma yisiphi isono ihlanganisa unembeza ngama-callus, futhi ukuqamba amanga akukho mehluko kulo mthetho.

Enye yezibonelo eziphambili zamanga abungqingili yimikhangiso yokuqomisana. Awungethembi ngokweqiniso noma yini yalokho okulotshwe kubo. Umbala oneminyaka engama-25 ubudala onamehlo aluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka futhi onemisipha esikhangisweni uyovela njalo abe ngumabhalana oneminyaka engama-40 ubudala onesihlakala esikhulu sesisu ngaphansi kwesikibha esimiswe ukudla. Ngokuthukuthela kwakho, uphendula ngokuthula: "Sonke sidinga ukukweqisa kancane uma sifuna i-adventure."

Iningi labafundi bohlobo lobuntu bezenhlalo bathi emisebenzini yabo ukuthi iphesenti eliphakeme ngokumangazayo lamanga e-pathological angobungqingili. Imvamisa kungaba amaphupho angenabungozi, adale izinganekwane, kepha okumangazayo kakhulu angaguqula amanga awo abe yinzuzo futhi abe ngama-scammers. Ngenxa yokwenqena ukusebenza futhi bekwazi ukukhuthaza ukuzethemba, bakhetha ukuhlala ngamanga, banamathela njengegciwane ekuphaneni nasekuthembeni. Lolu hlobo luthola ongqingili asebekhulile abavame ukungashadi futhi abafuna ukwethemba insizwa ekhangayo. Ngamaqhinga abo akhanyisela impilo yansuku zonke yomhlobisi ongaphakathi osekhulile othe, lapho bevuka ngakusasa ekuseni, bathola ukuthi iplatinamu yakhe i-American Express, i-Rolex, ama-sweaters angama-cashmere namadola angamakhulu amahlanu emali ayinyamalale ngaphandle komkhondo. Khumbula ukuthi imiphumela yokukhohlisa ingadlula kakhulu imingcele yomphakathi onobungqingili, ukubambezela umsebenzi esiwenzayo nabantu abaqondile amashumishumi eminyaka. Asifuni ukukhangisa kanjalo.

I-2. Ukwenqaba isimilo

U-Oscar Wilde uthe: "Ukuphela kwendlela yokususa isilingo ukunikela kuso." Ukuzwakala kwesimilo sakhe esiphendukezelwe sekuzwakele emphakathini wezitabane amashumishumi eminyaka kuze kube namuhla. Ukwenqatshwa okucacile nangokucacile kokuziphatha okuhle ngozitabane kungokoqobo, kugcwele yonke indawo, futhi kuyalimaza ithonya labo kuzinga lempilo emphakathini wethu kanye nobudlelwano bethu ne-strights.

Insizwa ebhekene nemizwa yayo yobungqingili inezinketho ezimbili: ingavuma izimiso zokuziphatha ezikhona futhi izizonde, noma icabange kabusha, futhi, yenqande ukubandlulula kukaJudeo-nobuKristu ngobungqingili, yakhe izindinganiso zakhe, ngaleyo ndlela ingene esikhundleni lokuzonda nokuzethemba . Maye, kuma-gay amaningi, ukucabanga kabusha akupheli lapho. Bahamba kakhulu, banquma ukuthi konke lokhu kuyize, futhi balahla i-100% yezinkolelo zabo zangaphambili. Kwabaningi, isidingo sokuqamba amanga kungukuqhekeka kokuqala odongeni. Uma ungemukeli ukwenqatshelwa kwamanga, pho kungani kufanele wamukele okunye ukwenqatshelwa?

Kukhona ukuvumelana phakathi kwezitabane zasemadolobheni ukuthi wonke umuntu unelungelo lokuziphatha ngendlela athanda ngayo, nokuthi akekho umuntu okufanele alahle isimilo somunye umuntu - uhlobo lokuhlanekezelwa "musa ukwahlulela, ungahlulelwa". Okuhlukile kulo mthetho, yilungelo, ukwahlulela ngokushesha nangobutha “ngokucabanga okudala” kwanoma ngubani ophendukela kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuziphatha. Eqinisweni, lonke uhlelo lufika ku-axiom eyodwa: “Uma ngiyithanda, ngizoyenza futhi ngiye esihogweni!” Futhi okuthandwa yisitabane kuvame ukufaka amanga, ubugovu, ukuzitika, ukuzibulala, isihluku , ukuthukwa, ukushaywa nokuvukela umbuso. Uma izitabane zifuna ukuphoxa isivakashi esibi emcimbini, izoba nesihluku futhi inyanyekayo ngangokunokwenzeka, bese sikwethulela "njengokubonakaliswa okuhle kokuzwela izitabane." Uma efuna ukweyisa othandekayo womngane wakhe omkhulu - uzokukwenza, aqinisekise ngezenzo zakhe ngesenzo “senkululeko yezocansi”, kanye nesihogo nomngane. Uma efuna ukuzibhubhisa ngezidakamizwa notshwala ngenhloso yokuzijabulisa okwesikhashana, uzophuza aze ayofika phansi.

Sithole ukuthi emaphephandabeni gay le mfundiso ibhalwe etsheni. Lapho le ndlela yokuziphatha imbi kabi, kulapho kufanele ibonwe khona ngokuthi "umgubho wozwelo nosiko lwethu oluhlukile." Noma yikuphi ukuphikisana, noma ngabe kunesizathu esingakanani, kuzohlangana njalo ngokulwa okukhona ngokushesha futhi okunzima, kuncike kulokho okwenziwe ngomumo futhi, empeleni, kungaphendulwa, izimpikiswano zesikhangiso somndeni: “Abongqingili abagxeka indlela yethu yokuphila abakwazi ukwamukela ubungqingili babo futhi bazise inzondo yabo emphakathini obazungezile. ” Ngakho-ke uma othile engagculisekile ngama-transvestites, ama-sadomasochists kanye nama-nudists bemasha e-gay parade, lapho udlozi indlovukazi enikeza uswidi wepenis ezinganeni ezincane, umane azizonde.

Kuyamangaza ukuthi abantu abaningi abayizitabane abashiye izinkolo zendabuko bathola ukuthi akulula kakhulu ukungazinaki izisulu zabo. Bafuna okuthile abazokugcwalisa ngakho, baphendukela ku-neopaganism, ukusebenzelana nemimoya, I-New Age nezinye i-schizoterics. Ngakho-ke kukhona amakhomishini afana no "Ukuhleleka okuhle". Njengoba elinye lamalungu alo lasho: “Besinayo yonke into, kepha besifuna kakhulu into ebesingenayo, futhi besingazi ukuthi kuyini.” Okufunwa yisitabane ngaphandle kokuyazi ukubuyela emcabangweni wobungcwele kanye nohlaka lokuziphatha lapho baphinde baqale ukukholelwa futhi bethembane.

Ukwenqatshwa kokuziphatha kushiya isihlubuki ngaphandle kwezindlela zokuzithiba kanye nokulinganiselwa kwethonya lakhe. Ukubhujiswa kufanele kulandelwe ngokwakhiwa kabusha, kepha izitabane ziyakhohlwa ngengxenye yesibili yale axiom, okuholela ekuziphatheni kokuzicabangela wena ngokwakho kanye nokuzicabangela wena.

I-3. I-Narcissism nokuziphatha kobugovu

Ukuqamba amanga kuholela kwabanye ekwengeni isimilo, futhi ukwenqaba isimilo kuholela ekuchayweni kokuphazamiseka kobuntu. Ekhuluma nge-narcissism, asisho nje ukuthi kuyize, kepha isimo sokuzithiba kanye nokungakwazi ukuzwelana nezinkinga zabanye, lapho okuyize kungesinye sezimpawu. Ukuphazamiseka kobuntu be-Hysterical kanye ne-narcissistic - Izigaba ezimbili zemitholampilo ezihlangene ezihlonishwa yi-American Psychiatric Association, zichazwa yile mibinzana elandelayo:

“Iziguli ezine-hysterical zixakile futhi zihlala zidonsa amehlo. . . othambekele ekwenzeni ihaba. . . dlala indima ethi “nkosazana” ngaphandle kokuqaphela. . . ejabulisa kalula. . . ulaka olungenangqondo. . . ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo. . . langazelela into entsha, ukukhuthazeka, isasasa. . . ngokushesha abe nesithukuthezi. . . engajulile. . . ukuntula ubuqotho. . . ngokukha phezulu. . . ngokushesha ukwakha ubungane. . . abafuna ngenkani, abanobugovu, abangenangqondo. . . onobuqili. . . izinsongo zokuzibulala, ukushukuma komzimba kanye nemizamo. . . ezikhangayo, eziyengayo. . . ize. . . balekela emicabangweni yothando. . . ukuziphatha ngokuvamile kuyi-caricature yobufazi. . . ubufebe. . . intshisekelo encane ekucabangeni okucophelelayo, kokuhlaziya, nakuba kunokudala nokungavamile. . . zithonywa ama-whims. . . ubuhlakani obungenazimpande. . . evame ukuhlotshaniswa ngesibonelo sobungqingili. . . Ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa kuyinkinga evamile. . . [Iziguli zeNarcissistic, ngaphezu kwalokhu okungenhla] zinomuzwa omkhulu wokuzibona ubalulekile. . . zidinga ukunakwa njalo nokutuswa. . . ukubona ngokwedlulele kozakwethu osebudlelwaneni kuthathelwa indawo ukwehla kwakhe okuphelele. . . ukungabi nozwelo. . . ubugovu obedlulele kanye nokuzibamba. . . imicabango yamathuba angenamkhawulo, amandla, ingcebo, ukukhalipha, ubuhle, noma uthando olufanele. . . Ukubukeka kubaluleke kakhulu kunentokozo. . . isidingo sokubonakala enkampanini yabantu "abalungile". . . ukuxhashazwa. . . Ukuntuleka kobudlelwano obuhle obuqhubekayo ebudlelwaneni nabanye. . . ukukhathazeka ngokugcina intsha. . . amanga aluhlaza. . .”

Ukukhumbuza ngomuntu omaziyo? Lokhu akungenxa yokuthi ubungqingili abunampilo, kepha yingoba abanye abantu abathandana nobungqingili abanampilo. Ngokuqhathanisa: ubungqingili uqobo akuholeli ku-AIDS, kodwa indlela yokuphila yakudala yobungqingili iyindlela enhle bamba ingculazi. Ngakho-ke, indlela yokuphila yezitabane, ebekwa ngabantu abaqondile namanye ama-gay, inciphisa ukumelana kwabo nokuphazamiseka kobuntu. Ngenxa yalokho, sithola ukuthi emphakathini wobungqingili, akukho ngaphezu kwe-AIDS kuphela, kodwa futhi nokuziphatha okungaqondakali kanye nokuziphatha okubi.

Ngeke siye ku-idiotic ngokwedlulele ebiza wonke ama-gay ama-hysterical kanye nama-narcissistic. Lawa magama amele ukweqisa kwesibuko ngamunye wethu awela kuso, futhi umehluko phakathi kwe-pathology ne -iceice kuphela. Kepha kubonakala ngathi ukuthi izitabane eziningi ukwedlula abantu abaqondile zingena ezindaweni ezikude zobubanzi. Ngokusobala, isikhundla esiyingqayizivele senhlalo yezitabane siguqula iningi lazo sibe izisulu ezilula zezilingo, inkohliso ne-narcissism, ezimele indlela elula yokuphuma kobunzima bempilo yezitabane, kepha njalo kuholele ekuphazamisekeni kobuntu.

Izibonelo ezimbili ezithusayo zokuziphatha kobugovu: ukwenqaba ukuhlinzeka ukusekelwa kwezezimali ezinhlanganweni ezisebenzela ukuzuzisa wonke umphakathi wezitabane, nokwenqaba ukwenza ucansi oluphephile. Okungashiwo ngomuntu onje UGaetan Duga, obeke isifiso sakhe sokuzwa i-orgasm ngaphezulu kwesifiso somlingani wakhe sokuphila? Ku-1981, kwatholakala ukuthi une-Kapar's sarcoma, kepha yize wayexwayiswa kaningi ukuthi ukugula kwakhe bekuyingozi futhi kungenzeka ukuthi unegciwane, uyaqhubeka, waze washona e-1984, ukuya ocansini nabantu abangabazi. Ngeshwa, lokhu kukude neze.

4. Ukuzitika izinkanuko, ukuzilimaza

Uma umphumela wokuqala wokwenqatshwa kokuziphatha kungubudlwangudlwangu nobugovu, khona-ke umphumela wesibili ukuzitika ngobuthakathaka bomuntu, okuholela ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, ekuzibhubhiseni. Kuwo wonke amaphutha esiwalahlayo, ukuzitika kuvame kakhulu emphakathini wezitabane kanye nasemphakathini wezitabane ngokujwayelekile, lapho noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuzibamba lubonwa njengophawu lokuzizonda kanye ne-puritanism. Lokhu kubonakala ikakhulukazi kwisitayela somzila osheshayo (umzila wesivinini esiphezulu) ogxile kuma-disco, ama-sauna, ukuhambahamba emhlabeni wonke, ukuthenga izinto ezibiza kakhulu, ukuchitha isikhathi emaphathini isikhathi eside ngangokunokwenzeka nabantu abaningi ngangokunokwenzeka. , ubulili obuhlukahlukene kakhulu futhi ngokujwayelekile yonke imizwa emisha engatholakala. Ngaphandle kocansi, yilokhu umuntu angakulindela uma abafana abaneminyaka eyisithupha bethatha umhlaba. Ngaphezu kobugovu obusobala nokungavuthwa kwendlela enjalo yokuphila, kuyakhathaza futhi kuyabulala futhi akunakusekelwa isikhathi eside. Lapho uneminyaka engama-25, iningi lama-laners asheshayo adinwe yile ndlela yokuphila selikhathele, futhi esikhundleni semikhuba enempilo futhi esemthethweni, baqala ukufuna okungenampilo futhi okungekho emthethweni: izidakamizwa nobulili obungajwayelekile.

Kunezizathu ezintathu zokuthi kungani izitabane ziphendukela ezidakamizweni:
(Xnumx) Ukuqeda ukwesaba nobuhlungu bobungqingili bomuntu.
(2) Ukugcina ukuphelelwa amandla okugcina amandla ukuze uqhubeke nokuzijabulisa ephathini yehora le-36.
(3) Ekuphishekeleni imizwa yengqondo nangokomzimba ukuthi ingqondo nomzimba womuntu abakwazi ukuzizwa ngaphansi kwezimo ezijwayelekile. 
Izimbangela (i-2) ne (3) zizitika ngokuthanda futhi ekuhambeni kwesikhathi kuholele ekuzibhubhiseni.

Lapho umuntu esemncane futhi engenakho okuhlangenwe nakho, ubudlelwane obulula kakhulu be "vanilla" - ukubungaza kanye nokushaya indlwabu mutual - kwanele kuye. Lokhu kuyinto entsha, enqatshelwe, “engcolile” futhi ethokozisayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubulili be-vanilla nomlingani oyedwa buyejwayeza, bujwayezwe futhi bube yisidina, futhi buyekele amandla okuvusa. Kuqala, umuntu onobungqingili okondliwe ufuna izinto ezintsha kubalingani, aze abe nochoko futhi angabi semthethweni. Ekugcineni, yonke imizimba iba yisicefe kuye, futhi uqala ukubheka injabulo emikhubeni emisha. Uzama ukubuyisa injabulo erectile ngokusebenzisa izinto ezingcolile “ezingcolile” kanye “nezinqatshelwe” zocansi, njengokuthi fetishism, urolagnia, Coprophilia, njll. Kodwa-ke, leyo mizamo ihlulekile ukwehluleka: “ukungcola” okwandisiwe kuphela kuholela ekushayweni komoya olwandle ngokuhambisa amanzi okugcwala, ekugcineni ngenxa yalokho, iyeka ukwanelisa noma ukujabulisa abanye. Ukuma okulandelayo ukungabi namandla.

Akusibo bonke abaphambukeli abahamba ngezinyawo abanquma ukushicilela imilutha yabo emithonjeni yezindaba, kepha lapho kuvela lezo zikhangiso, bajabulisa ngasikhathi sinye, baphendulela isisu ngaphakathi bakhombise ubuze bento yonke eyenziwe:

“Imilenze enemisipha engcolile futhi engageziwe. . . izinzipho ezinganqunyiwe ezinuka phu. . . ama-pellets phakathi kweminwe, iphunga likashizi. . . ukunuka okukhulu komjuluko wesilisa. . . ukuhogela amakhwapha angcolile angageziwe. . . ngcola esibayeni sethu sezingulube. . .”

Ukuya ocansini olubi kubi kakhulu kunokobucansi obuvaliwe: kungaba yingozi. Njengomthetho, ama-gay ashesha kakhulu athenge ithikithi lendlela eyodwa yalesi sitimela se-Express, ekuqaleni angazibopha futhi azibambe, bese kuba yi-BDSM. Ngama-30 wabo - iminyaka ye-40, esuthiswa masinyane ngezinguqulo ezithambile (kanye nokuhlanekezela) zokunethezeka okunjalo, aqhubekela iziswebhu, abahlawulisi kumamaski nase ukuqhuma (ongeke ukwenze ukusekela ukuvuswa). Ngeminyaka yabo ye-50, laba bantu ngeshwa sebevele basenkingeni enkulu.

Abasekeli balo bangase bathi ubulili “obuqinile” abunangozi futhi “bumane nje bungenye indlela yokubonisa uthando,” kodwa izimfanelo zabo, ukubonakaliswa kwabo, nemizwelo yabo kubonisa ubuhlungu nenzondo—yikhona okubangela inkanuko. Ngeshwa, naphezu kokuthi ubuhlungu nenzondo azihlangene nothando, zifana kakhulu nenkanuko: izikhungo zokuvusa inkanuko yobulili nobudlova ebuchosheni zixhumene kakhulu. Ukuphindaphinda njalo kwalokhu kuxhumana kuyakuqinisa, futhi kuholela ekungakwazini ukuzwa inkanuko ngaphandle kolaka noma ulaka ngaphandle kokuvusa inkanuko.

Ngeke sithethelele imisebenzi yethu eyingozi yokusebenza, futhi ngasikhathi sinye silindele umphakathi ukuthi usebenze ngokuvuma kwethu kokuziphatha. Lokhu kufanele kuyeke.

5. Ukuhlukumezeka komphakathi

Mhlawumbe uhlobo olubi kakhulu lokuziphatha okungavunyelwe kobungqingili ubulili bomphakathi. Lapho sifika okokuqala eHarvard, sahlatshwa inqwaba yabantu kuyo yonke indawo yokugcina yenyuvesi, ohlelo lwayo lokukhishwa lubuniswa ngokuhamba kancane kweqhwa, ngenxa yalokho wonke amadokodo ayehlala ematasa. Njengabantu abasanda kufika, sasingakaqondi ukuthi kwenzakalani, kepha ukungenami kwethu kwaxoshwa masinyane elinye lamacala angavamile lapho sakwazi ukuthola eyethu idokodo: isandla esinokhahlo somuntu sathela isiqeshana sephepha lasendlini yangasese ngaphansi kwesihlukanisi, ngesiphakamiso se-frank sabhalwa kuso. Ngokuyiqhathanisa nokunikelana okuningi okufanayo ezindongeni, ekugcineni sasiqonda konke. Izikhalazo eziningi zabafundi nezabasebenzi zaholela ekutheni emizamweni yokuvimba ukuthukuthela, abaphathi benyuvesi basuse iminyango kuzo zonke izimbokodo, kanti namaphoyisa ayegqoke umfaniswano aqala ukugibela kule ndawo efuna abaphenduki. Njengoba ubungalindela, kwaqhamuka incwadi edikayo eHarvard Gay kanye neLesbian Weekly, behleka abasebenzi abathandana nabobulili obuhlukile, abafundi kanye namaphoyisa, "abebegcwele ngengilazi."

Naphezu kwemizamo yeziphathimandla zokucindezela le nto, iqembu labantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo liyaqhubeka ubusuku nemini ukuzitika kokunye kwehaba kakhulu kwezitabane (imvamisa phambi kwabantu abaqondile) ezindlini zangasese zomphakathi, emapaki nasezintanjeni zawo wonke amadolobha amakhulu ase-US. Laba bantu abenzi mizamo yokuqinisekisa ukuthi umsebenzi wabo uyimfihlo, noma ngabe balinda ukudamba ekuhambeni kwezivakashi. Kodwa-ke, kwabaningi, ithuba lokubanjwa oqotsheni liyizingxenye ezintathu kwezine zenjabulo. Zishaya indlwabu ezindaweni zokuchama, zizulazule zingagqokile ngokuphelele egumbini, zishayane ezindaweni ezinama-acrobatic emadokodweni avulekile. Lapho bethela isidoda - ezihlalweni zangasese, ezindongeni, noma phansi - bayishiya iqandisiwe ezimpini ezinengekayo nezikhomba kalula. 

Impela, okukhanga kakhulu ngocansi lwendlu yangasese ukuthi lwenziwa endaweni engcolile, olwenza kungcole kakhudlwana, kungavunyelwe, kugoqeke, futhi ngenxa yalokho kufiselekayo. Kepha lapho umuntu oqondile ewabona amadoda amabili ekhotha izitho zangasese zomunye nomunye, futhi lokhu kushiya isithombe esingahambi kahle emqondweni wakhe, kugcizelela inkolelo yakhe yokuthi abongqingili bayizidalwa ezingcolile nezigulayo ezenza isenzo esibi elele phansi endlini yangasese. . Umonakalo uyaphindeka lapho izidalwa ezinjalo zihlasela abafana abathandanayo - isibonelo esibonakalayo sokuthambekela kobungqingili "ukufanisa ama-stereotypes." Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuhlukunyezwa okunjalo kuqinisa iculo elidala lokuthi ongqingili baqashe ngamabomu abafana abathandana nabobulili obuhlukile ukuba baphindise izikhundla zabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lokhu kudalula amanga aqhamuka ngokusobala alabo abagqugquzela ukuthi izenzo zabo zocansi zenzeka kuphela phakathi kwabantu abadala, ngokuyimfihlo nangokuvuma, ngakho-ke akufanele bakhathazeke umphakathi wobungqingili kanye nohlelo lwabo lokushaya umthetho.

Kubukeka kungakholeki ukuthi izitabane zingabi budlabha kangako, kepha eziningi zazo zilawulwa kakhulu yimikhawulo yazo kunangqondo yazo. Kubonakala sengathi baqondiswa yilokho okwashiwo umlobi wesizukulwane esishayayo uWilliam Burroughs, okuchaza ukuthi unesifiso sokuya ocansini nomfana ongathandani nobulili obuhlukile, wathi: “Akayena umuntu oyindidane, pho yini? Abantu bangathola indawo yokuhlala. ” Sigcizelela ukuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo akuyona into engjwayelekile. Omunye umngani wesitabane usitshele ngenjabulo ukuthi, njengoba esethole ikhonsathi yakamuva yekhonsathi yamanje ngemuva komfana oneminyaka eyishumi nantathu, wasebenzisa ithuba lokuhluleka kwentsha ukushaqeka futhi waqala ukusunduza imbongolo yakhe. “Ngikophulile i-jean yami,” wasitshela, ehleka, “futhi akukho abengakwenza!” Lokhu akuyona i-PR enhle.

Bamangala ukuthi ezinye izitabane ziyaqiniseka ukuthi zinamalungelo onke okwenza lawo maqhinga ezindlini zangasese nasemapaki, sengathi zenzelwe zona ngqo njengezinkundla zocansi. Abanye bade bafikelwe yintukuthelo ngabavakashi abathi, lapho eseRoma, bangafuni ukuziphatha njengamaRoma, njengomunye wababhali bephephabhuku lzitabane:

“Kuzofanele ngithole indlu yangasese entsha [yocansi]. Ngesonto eledlule bengikhona kusukela emini kwaze kwashaya ihora lesihlanu ntambama. . . Isithukuthezi sabuya futhi sathi, “Angikholwa ukuthi usekhona.” . . Ngenxa yenhlonipho kwadingeka ngihambe okungenani izikhathi ezi-5. . . Ngamtshela ukuthi ukuxhuma imbobo yenkazimulo nge-toilet paper nokufunda iphephandaba kuwukuziphatha okubi kakhulu. Ngicishe ngilithungele ngomlilo iphepha. . . Kwabe sekufika amabhungu amabili asencane nawo azama ukuvala imbobo. Ngaphushela iphepha ngaphandle ngathi: “Ungaphinde ukwenze lokho - kubi!” Uma ufuna ukumuncwa, yinamathisele lapha. Uma kungenjalo, phuma." Ngabe sengivula umnyango ngathi kumngane wakhe: “Lokhu kuhlanganisa nawe!” . . Izimbongolo ezinjalo. . . Kusamelwe ngibachazele ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo akwamukeleki neze!”

Abezitabane abathandana nabesifazane abathandana nabobulili obufana nobungqingili bagxeka noma yikuphi ukuphawula ukuthi imigomo enjalo yomphakathi ingumbono ongemuhle, futhi bathi lowo mzamo wamaphoyisa uzama ukuqeda le nto ngokuthi "ukuhlukunyezwa izitabane". Asicabangi ukuthi lokhu “kuphambene nobungqingili”. Lokhu kuphambene nokuphulwa komyalo womphakathi, akusekho okunye.

I-6. Ukuziphatha okubi emigoqweni

Singathandana kakhulu kanjani izitabane! Futhi sikufanela kanjani lapho unya lubuyela kithi njenge-boomerang! Izigidi, sibabalekela emakhaya abo kusukela emadolobheni amancane esikhathi sobusha bethu, ukuze "siphile phakathi kwabantu bakithi" ku-ghetto yedolobha, lapho kungabikho muntu ozokumemeza athi "fagot" kuwe, ngoba nxazonke zingamampisi uqobo. Kepha uma ungenabo ubuso obuncane futhi obuhle, umzimba wokugqokwa nezingubo ezifashisayo, unqamula embundwini webar bar gay, uzothola ukuthi ungubani ngempela owukuzonda we-homo-hater: 

Umuntu ngamunye onobungqingili anganikeza izibonelo eziningi, sizonikeza eyodwa kuphela esiyikhumbula kahle, eyenzeka emgqonyeni wobungqingili, lapho umbhangqwana omncane futhi “oziqhenyayo” oziqhenyayo ngamabomu waxoxa ngamabomu nangendelelo ngendoda ebukekayo ebonakala phambi kwabo ithi: “Hhawu uNkulunkulu wami! Uyakholelwa ekutheni empeleni unqume ukuletha isidumbu sakhe lapha?! ”Sihlala sizwa ngendlela onobungane nobumbene ngayo. Hhayi, hhayi njalo! Futhi yize kungekho muntu odonsa amadoda ayizitabane abukeka emgqonyeni wezikhwama, echithe ubusuku emhlabeni wezitabane, bangazisola ukuthi lokhu akwenzekanga kubo yize bezalwa.

Ithikithi lokuya empilweni yobungqingili liyisikhalo sangaphandle, kepha futhi ngeke likusindise ekudumazekeni. Omunye umlingani uchaza ku-autobiography yakhe ukuthi, eminyakeni ye-13, wathola imizwa emisha yomfana othandekayo, omuhle futhi owayengumdlali wezemidlalo, uBobby, owayehlanganisa konke ayefuna ukuba yikho. Wayelokhu ecabanga ngaye, efuna ukuba seduze kwakhe, futhi wayekhathazeka kakhulu lapho ekhona. Kwakuwuthando lwezingane, olwalubaluleke kakhulu kunemizwa yobulili. Ngakho-ke waphila waze wafika eminyakeni ye-17, efihla imizwa yakhe, waze wahlangana nezindatshana, ngenxa yalokho wabona ukuthi kukhona abanye abafana emhlabeni abazizwa njengaye. Waya ekolishi, ikakhulukazi ukuze akwazi ukungena edolobheni. Ukufika edolobheni, uthola ukuthi kunento eyodwa kuphela ukuthi impilo yezitabane igxile kuyo: e * a.

Izitabane zilungiswa ebusheni, ukwesaba kwazo ukuguga kufinyelela ezingeni elithile le-pathological - futhi lapha, njenganoma yikuphi okunye, sikhuluma ngezitabane eziningi. Lokhu kubonakala ekuhlanekelweni okungatheni komqondo nokuziphatha. Noma omunye wababhali balezi zintambo, ovame ukungonakaliswa uma kukhulunywa iqiniso, ona ngokukhokha unyaka wakhe wokuzalwa. Ukudlalela iminyaka yakho yobudala kwesinye isikhathi kuze kube yiminyaka engamashumi amabili cishe kungabikezelwa. Izitabane zalwa njalo ngenyanga ngayinye yekhalenda, njengokungathi kwakuyimpi eMarne. Cishe bakha iningi lamadoda asebenzisa amavithamini, ama-seramu, imishini yokuzivocavoca, ama-bronzers, ama-wigs, ama-transplants wezinwele kanye nama-facelifts. Kepha kungekudala, impi ilahlekile, okuletha ukuhlupheka okwengeziwe. Uma owesifazane osekhulile ethandana nabesilisa abathandana naye edlala amakhadi akhe kahle, uyobe eba nezingane noma umyeni ancike kuye. Maningi kakhulu ongqingili abenqaba ngenkani ontanga yabo ekuphishekeleni okungenasisekelo kwentsha iwela phakathi kwezihlalo ezimbili bagcine sebegugile, benesizungu futhi bengadabuki. Ingabe indlela yokuphila enjalo kufanele ikhuthazwe?

 7. Ukuziphatha kobudlelwano okungafanele

Amadoda ayizitabane awekho kahle kakhulu ekutholeni nokugcina ophathina. Ubuhlobo phakathi kwabo ngokuvamile abuhlali isikhathi eside, nakuba iningi lilwela ngobuqotho ukuthola umngane womshado. Ngamanye amazwi, wonke umuntu uyabheka, kodwa akekho otholayo. Ungasichaza kanjani lesi sixakaxaka? Okokuqala, lokhu kubangelwa izici ezingavamile ze-physiology kanye ne-psychology yabesilisa, okwenza ubudlelwano bocansi nesothando phakathi kwendoda nendoda buqine ngokwemvelo kunokuxhumana phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane. Ngokwesilinganiso, inkanuko yobulili yowesifazane incane kakhulu kuneyowesilisa futhi ayivuswa kancane yizinto ezibonakalayo. Owesifazane uyamukela kakhulu imizwa yakhe ngokobulili kunalokho akubonayo. Amadoda, ngakolunye uhlangothi, awagcini nje ngokukhathazeka ngocansi (cishe njalo), kodwa futhi avuswa ngokushesha nangokujulile ngokubona nje umlingani "okahle".

Okwesibili, inkanuko yobulili incike kakhulu “emfihlakalo,” okungukuthi, izinga lokungaziwa phakathi kwabalingani. Ngokusobala, ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, amadoda afana kakhulu komunye nomunye kunabesifazane, ngakho-ke kuncane okungaziwa lapho. Lokhu kuvamise ukuthi kuholele ekutheni izitabane zisheshe zixakwe ngabalingani bazo. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso nakakhulu kuma-lesbians, uthando lwabo ludlula ngokushesha, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi izidingo zabo zocansi zinesizotha, baneliswa kalula ubudlelwano bemizwa.

Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokukhetha ukuxhumana nabantu abaningi abathandana nabo abakhethe ukuxhumana kwabo ngukukhangana ngocansi. Ubudlelwano obuhlala buhlala nabantu ongabazi nabantu abangenandaba nabo buye buqine kule nkambiso ejwayelekile nokungathandi ukwahlulela ngezinqubo ezibaluleke kakhulu. Izinkolelo zesitabane esinjalo zingavezwa njengokuthi: "UKarl, yize eyisidonsa, kepha enesidala esikhulu, mhlawumbe ngizobuyela naye ekhaya."

Ubungane beqiniso emphakathini wezitabane kunzima kakhulu ukuthola. Ubungani phakathi kwezitabane buvama kakhulu kunobungane babantu abaqondile. Emphakathini wobudlelwano obungejwayelekile, ngisho nabanobuhle obuhle kakhulu bathola ukuthi ngeke baqinisekise ukuthi abangane babo ngeke babe ngamacebo okukhohlisa. Njengomthetho, ngokushesha nje lapho isitabane sishiya iqembu labangane, ngokushesha bawenzela wonke amathambo kuye. Akumangazi ukuthi ubungani obuhle futhi obude kunabo bonke bezitabane zenzeka ngokunembile nabantu abaqondile.

Ukuvuthwa okungokomzwelo, ukwesaba izibopho kanye nomuzwa oqinile wokuphansi kuholela izitabane eziningi ekuziphatheni okubi okukhulu. Beqiniseka ngenhliziyo yabo ukungabi nalusizo lwalutho, bacindezela lo muzwa omubi ngokufakazelwa njalo ukuthi bafiswa ngocansi, baziphatha kabi ngokobulili nabalingani abangaziwa. Futhi yize cishe wonke umuntu wesitabane ethi angathanda ukuthola uthando lweqiniso, izimfuno zakhe ziqisa futhi azinangqondo kangangokuba uzishiya engenalo ithuba lokuhlangana nomuntu onjalo. Isibonelo, okhethiweyo wakhe akufanele aphuze, abheme, abe nentshisekelo kwezobuciko, ebhishi, i-guacamole, abuke futhi aziphathe njengendoda eqondile, ugqoke kahle, abe nomqondo wokuhlekisa, "ulungile" isizinda senhlalo, akufanele abe nezinwele eziningi zomzimba, kufanele abe nempilo, ukushefa kahle, ukusikwa. . . kahle, uthola iphuzu. Kungani abantu abayizitabane bazibeka esimweni esinjalo? Okokuqala, ngoba bakhetha ukuhlala emaphutsheni kunokusebenzelana ngokoqobo. Okwesibili, ibanikeza izaba ezikahle zokuthi kungani bengasenamuntu, nokuthi ubulili obukhethiwe nobungakhethi empeleni buwukufuna kwakhe lowo.

"Ukungathandi" ukuba nobudlelwano bomuntu siqu kuvame ukungabinakho ukuba nabo. Abantu abanale nkinga bazokuya ngokwedlulele ekuchazeni ngokwanele ukufanelekela kwabo, kuze kufike ekubhaleni izincwadi ezibonisa indlela yabo yokuphila “njengesitatimende sezepolitiki esiguqukayo” kanye “nokusebenza kwabaculi abathandekayo bezemidlalo yaseshashalazini yezocansi”. 

Lapho, lapho kungekho okuhle kakhulu, indoda engungqingili isavuma umuntu ofayo, impi yothando ayipheli lapho - kuqala kuphela. UJoni Gay ojwayelekile uzokutshela ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano “obungenasisekelo” lapho lover “engahileleki khona kakhulu, engenzi izimfuno, futhi emnika isikhala somuntu siqu esanele.” Eqinisweni, asikho isikhala esizoba sanele, ngoba uJoni akafuni umuntu othanda yena, kepha ufuna i-fuckbuddy henchman - umngani ozobe esengozini, uhlobo lokusebenzisa izinto zasendlini ngokungazethembi. Lapho ukunamathela ngokomzwelo kuqala ukuvela ebudlelwaneni (okuthi, emcabangweni, kube yisizathu esizwakalayo kubo), bayeka ukukhululeka, babe "banenkathazo" bese behlukana. Kodwa noma kunjalo, akubona bonke abayizitabane abafuna "ubuhlobo" obomile kanjalo. Abanye bafuna romance yangempela mutual futhi bakuthola. Kwenzekani emva kwalokho? Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, inyoka eneso elilodwa iphakamisa ikhanda layo elibi.

Akukaze kube nesiko lokuthembeka emphakathini wezitabane. Akunandaba ukuthi isitabane sijabule kangakanani nesithandwa sakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi ekugcineni sizogcina sifuna i-x **. Izinga lokukhaphela phakathi kwezitabane “ezishadile,” ngemuva kwesikhashana, lisondela kwi-100%. Abesilisa, njengoba sekushiwo, banhle kakhulu kunabesifazane abanomphumela wokuzinza, futhi abanye ubuso obuhle emgodini ongaphansi komhlaba noma esitolo bayakwazi ukuguqula amakhanda abo. Abesilisa ababili abayizitabane bayinkinga ephindwe kabili ebeka phansi amathuba okuba umuntu athandane naye abulawe. Imibhangqwana eminingi yobungqingili, ekhothamela okungenakugwemeka, iyavumelana “nobudlelwano obuvulekile”. Kwesinye isikhathi kuyasebenza: ngemuva kokukhulula umusi, isithandwa esingenakho ukubuyela sibuyele kumlingani, obaluleke kakhulu kuye kunabanye. Kepha lokhu akusebenzi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwesinye isikhathi ubudlelwano obuvulekile bufanelekile kumlingani oyedwa kunomunye, ekugcineni obona ukuthi bungakwazi ukukubekezelela, buhambe. Kwesinye isikhathi lokhu kungukuvuma okwenzakalayo nje kokuthi ubudlelwano abususekelwe othandweni, kepha ekuvumelaneni kocansi kanye nokwasekhaya. Lokhu kokugcina kungaba yinto enyanyekayo ikakhulukazi: abathandi, noma kunalokho abahlala nabo, baphendukele ekuhlanganyeleni abasizanayo ukuthola abalingani bobulili abathathu.

Kungani abesilisa abathandana nobungqingili bezivumela izingulube nokuziphatha okulimazayo? Ngenxa yezizathu ezimbili: 1) inkanuko yobugovu; I-2) ukwesaba ukukhombisa imizwa nokuhlupheka. Ukungezelela ukucindezelwa, izinhlungu nokwesaba kubo, sithola umphakathi obandayo futhi onesizungu lapho abantu kufanele bafihle imizwa yabo hhayi kuphela kwabanye, kodwa futhi kubo uqobo, okusiholela esigabeni esilandelayo.

I-8. Ukuvinjwa kwemizwelo kanye ne-anesthesia

Noma ngubani osibukela njalo lesi sigameko sezitabane uzohlatshwa indlela yokuziphatha okungajwayelekile okucatshangelwe ukuthi yenzelwe abesilisa abathandana nabesilisa gay - unodoli wodokotela, owaziwa nangokuthi isifo sikaTussaud. Into yokuqala oyiphawulayo kumuntu onesifo sikanodoli ukuqina kwakhe. Njengomthetho, umzimba wakhe uvele uvele ungashintshi endaweni engatheni futhi engeyona eyemvelo, usikhumbuza ama-mannequins omnyango (okuthi, ngeshwa, kuvame ukwakhiwa izitabane). I-pose ingahle iqhume: izingalo ezinhlangothini, zikhomba umunwe omncane; noma umshini oyithandayo: i-chin evikelayo, izingalo zisatshalaliswa zihlukaniswe, nemilenze ihlukaniswe, njengasesigabeni sokugcina se-tetanus. Kwesinye isikhathi izandla zigoqwa ngokuqinile esifubeni ngesenzo sokuzivikela. Ukugqama ngokweqile kwesitho sowesilisa noma sowesifazane kukhombisa ukungazethembi kanye nokungajabuli okujulile komzimba. Lokhu kuqina kwemisipha kufinyelela ebusweni, obukwenza kube nzima nge-ice mask noma esimweni esimangazayo esimangazayo. Uma ukwakheka kusetshenzisiwe (okuvame ukwenziwa), kuzoba njengegobolondo leplastiki elingafinyeleleki lenkanyezi ye-cinema ethule, ithuthukisa umphumela ongafani nemvelo wemaski nemidlalo yaseshashalazini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izintambo zezwi zigxiliwe kuze kufike lapho kudabuke khona izinyembezi. Izwi libuye likhala futhi likhala, noma lithebeze futhi liqambe, kodwa noma kunjalo - ezinzima, ziyabusa futhi zivamisile impumulo.  

Isu likanodoli ukuvumela noma yini ukudlulela lapho kunesimo sezulu seqhwa, ngenkathi kulondolozwa ibanga eliphephile phakathi kwalo nendawo esisongelayo. Injongo yakhe ukuvimba zonke izindleko ukuqashelwa kokwesaba nobuhlungu bakhe wobungqingili. Kumele acindezele ukukhathazeka nokukhathazeka okukhona njalo, futhi enze sengathi akukho okubalulekile, futhi akekho ongamphatha kabi, ngoba akanendaba. Konke lokhu kuholela kulokho omunye umlobi akubiza ngokuthi "inkathi yeqhwa yenhliziyo" - ukungakwazi kwezitabane ukunciphisa ukweqaphama kwabo nokuvula izinhliziyo zabo ukuthanda nokuhlala nabanye njengabafowethu.

Njengoba imidlwane iyasaba ukuba yiyona, kufanele idlale esidlangalaleni ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokwemvelo, ugxila ngokuphelele ekubambeni iqhaza nasekuphatheni isithombe sisonke. Ngaphandle kwehaba, singasho ukuthi ukuthambekela kobungqingili 'ekubambeni isiteji kanye nesiteji, uthando lwazo ngabalingisi abakhulu nabacwazimulayo besikrini esikhulu, uthando lwabo lwezingubo - konke lokhu, ngokwezinga elithile, kuhlobene nezimpawu ezikhethekile zokwenza unodoli. 

Ayikho inkinga ebucayi futhi esabalele emphakathini wezitabane ukusetshenziswa kabi kotshwala nezidakamizwa. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zobungqingili zilinganisela ukuthi cishe ingxenye yesithathu yeziguli inezinkinga ezinkulu zezidakamizwa kanye / noma zotshwala. Ngokuthatha izikhuthazi zemizwa yenjabulo nokuzethemba, noma ukucindezelwa (kufaka phakathi utshwala) ukudambisa imicabango nemizwa yabo, empeleni bafuna i-anesthetic yokwesaba nobuhlungu babo. Kwabanye, ukwesaba kuhambisana namandla ezenhlalo omphakathi wezitabane: ukuzingabaza noma ukwesaba (okuyisisekelo) sokwaliwa ngodlame; kwabanye - ngamahloni angaphakathi nokuzizonda kobungqingili babo.

Njengezinye izindlela ezinganele zokunciphisa izimpawu zokugula okugxile ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, ukuluthwa yizidakamizwa zobungqingili ekugcineni kubhebhethekisa lesi simo. Ngaphezu komonakalo oqondile lezi zinto onazo engqondweni nasemzimbeni, futhi ngenxa yalokho ekusebenzeni kwezenhlalo, ukubulala izinzwa okungokomzwelo kuholela ekuqothulweni kwempilo nengozi. Ukuphunyuka esinqumeni sezinto ezingokoqobo zokuphila, esikhundleni sokuxabana nabo ngokusobala nangokuzithemba, kusenza singakwazi ukuzivikela enhlekeleleni ebikezelwe.

9. Ukuphikwa okungokoqobo, ukucabanga okungenangqondo ne-mythomania 

Izitabane zihlala zibhekana nobutha, okubalimazayo, ukwesaba nentukuthelo. Ukuzikhukhumeza, ukungabi nandaba, ubudlelwano obukhulu, izidakamizwa, utshwala nezinye izindlela ezingafanele zokuziphatha okuxoxwe ngazo ngenhla ziyadingeka ukubhekana nobuhlungu obungokomzwelo. Kepha kunendlela ephumelela ngokwengeziwe yokubulala udrako: ukuphika okungokoqobo. Izitabane eziphika iqiniso elinobutha elizungezile azitholi mizwa enjalo. Akukho butha emcabangweni wabo, futhi ngenxa yalokho akukho buhlungu, akukho ukwesaba, ukuthukuthela.

Wonke umuntu, ongqingili noma oqondile, ngezikhathi nezikhathi angaguqukela ezinganekwaneni futhi akholwe kakhulu kulokho okufiswayo kunaseqinisweni. Kodwa-ke, izitabane ngokuvamile zithambekele kulokhu kunabantu abaqondile, ngoba kufanele zizwe ukwesaba okwengeziwe, ulaka nobuhlungu. Ngenxa yalokho, ukwenqaba iqiniso kungukuziphatha kobungqingili.

Iqiniso lihlala liphambi kwakho, libukeka kahle emehlweni akho. Kunzima ukukuphika. Ukuze wenze lokhu, kufanele uzingene emidlalweni eyinkimbinkimbi yengqondo, ungazinaki futhi uhlanekezela lokho okubonayo nokuzwayo, ungacabangi ukuthi kungahle kubukeke kanjani kumbukeli wangaphandle. Lokhu kungavela njengokulandelayo:

• Ukucabanga okuhle - Umuntu uyakholelwa ekutheni uthokozile, hhayi iqiniso. Kwesinye isikhathi lokhu kungaya ngokweqile okumangalisa. Omunye wabantu esijwayelene naye, isitabane esinabesifazane kakhulu, uthe akakaze ahlaselwe ukubukeka kwakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe. Izikhathi eziningana, sihamba naye umgwaqo, sabona ukuthi abantu abasha abanenzondo bahlukumeza kakhulu futhi bahlukunyezwa. Simangele, ukuthi akazange akubone nje lokhu, noma asho ngaphandle kokungabaza nakancane ukuthi: “Abafana bavele banomona ngoba ngibukeka kahle futhi bagqoke ngemfashini!” Esinye isibonelo yiNcwadi kaDkt Fenwick ekuHlaleleni Impilo Yezitabane, ngokusho ukuthi: "Yize kunezindaba ezihlasimulisayo, ukuzilandelela kwe-anal kuyindlela ephephile ngokuphelele futhi evelele kakhulu yamadoda amabili yokuya ocansini.". Lona umbono oyingozi futhi oyiphutha ngokusobala nonyaka we-1983.

• I-paranoia - isifiso sokwenza kube lula ukungokoqobo okugcwele yi-Homophobia, ukusibeka icala ngejunta encane yabacindezeli ababi kakhulu. Lokhu kubonakaliswa ekuthambekeleni kokuqamba amanga. Isibonelo, i-CIA yasolwa ngokusungula nokusakaza ngenhloso ngamabomu ingculaza njengengxenye yecebo likahulumeni lokuqothula yonke izitabane. Ukuqamba imbumbulu yezinganekwane zabahlali kuyaduduza ukwedlula ukuqaphela iqiniso elinamandla lokuthi ubungqingili busakazekile, bunzulu futhi kunzima ukubuqeda.

• Ukungahambisani - kusabalele kakhulu ukuthi akudingi sibonelo noma nencazelo. Sonke siphikisana lapho umphikisi wethu wobungqingili ephikisana ngokuthi kungahlobene ne-logic yethu noma eyakhe. Ngani? Ngoba unikezwe imithetho yokuqonda, kufanele uthole iziphetho ongazithandi. Ngakho-ke, izitabane zivame ukuphika ukunengqondo.

• Khulisa imizwa - Enye yezindlela eziphumelelayo zokuqeda iqiniso ukusetshenziswa kwe-rhetoric yasendle futhi eyeqile ngokweqile. Abongqingili abaphendukela kule ndlela banethemba lokumemeza amaqiniso nezimpawu ezinengqondo nezinkulumo ezingafanele zenkanuko yomuntu siqu.

• Ukubukwa okungagciniwe - hlobo luni lwemibono yobuhlanya abantu abangongqingili abangavumelani nalo. Ukuba ngokwabo abaxoshwa nabaphikisi bokusungulwa, ukuheha kwabo imibono kuhambelana ngqo nezinga lokudicilelwa phansi kwabo kanye nokuphikiswa yiziphathimandla. Ngakho-ke, izitabane zithanda i-New Age futhi izinkolelo zokusebenzelana nemimoya, kanye nanoma yimiphi eminye imibono engaqinisekiswanga yisayensi, noma engathandiswanga yiyo: izithelo zezithelo; ukufundwa kwezinkanyezi, ukubhula ngezinombolo kanye nephiramidi; amakhadi we-tarot; "Izibambiso" ezivela ezinhlwini zamakhristalu kanye nezindlela ezithile ezingezinhle 'zokupholisa ". Ubumnandi obungenangqondo kanye nethemba lale misebenzi ibanikeza ithemba futhi yenza umhlaba wabo nokuphila kubonakale kujabulise kakhulu kunalokho bangempela.

Esikhundleni sokuhlaziya ngokunengqondo amaqiniso, ukutadisha inkinga nokuthola isixazululo esifanelekile, ongqingili abaningi babalekela okuyiqiniso baye eNetland futhi benze imizamo emikhulu yokuphikisa amaqiniso nokunengqondo. Ngakho-ke, izindatshana nezincwadi ezinjengezethu ezitshela umphakathi wezitabane ukuthi awumuhle kangako, ukuthi usengozini, futhi, okubi kakhulu kunakho konke ukuthi, ngokweqiniso, esisolwa ngakho, sihlaselwa ngesihluku ngabashinizi bezombusazwe abalungile. Manje siphendukela kulezi zimpumputhe ezihola izimpumputhe.

10. I-gay fascism yezepolitiki kanye nengcindezelo yokunemba kwezepolitiki

 Endabeni emfushane kaClive Lewis ethi "Izincwadi ezivela eBalamute," idemoni elidala libhalela umshana wakhe osemncane: 

“Imibono yemfashini iklanyelwe ukususa ukunaka kwabantu ezimisweni zeqiniso. Siqondisa ukwethuka kwesizukulwane ngasinye kulezo zimbi lapho manje sekunengozi encane kakhulu, futhi siqondisa ukugunyaza maqondana nobuhle obuseduze kakhulu nobubi esizama ukubenza babe yingxenye yesikhathi. Umdlalo ngowokuthi bagijime bephethe isicishamlilo ngesikhathi sezikhukhula bese beya eceleni kwesikebhe esicishe sibe ngaphansi kwamanzi. Lena yindlela esethula ngayo imfashini ngokumelene nokuhluzeka okuyisisekelo. "

Futhi yize singeke size size sibize abaholi bezindaba ezingongqingili nabasebenza nabo njengezishoshovu (amaqembu amabili agqagqene kakhulu) njengodeveli, empeleni, lena yindlela abaziphathe ngayo eminyakeni engamashumi amabili edlule. Selokhu saqala ukuwafunda nokubalalela, besikholwa ngokuqinile ukuthi kunokuthile okungahambi kahle kakhulu, ukubona okufishane, ukucindezela ngokweqile, nokulimazayo bekusemqondweni wabo nakumaqhinga abo. Emizamweni yabo (evame ukuphumelela) yokulungisa isu lezepolitiki lenhlangano yezitabane, bathathe indlela engafanele yemikhuba emibi, badala umonakalo omkhulu odabeni lwethu. Izibonelo ezimbalwa zemikhuba emibi enjalo:

• Ama-juntas abalobi, izintatheli kanye nabamdidiyeli bebonke ababizwa ngokuthi “abaholi nabamele inhlangano yezitabane” balwela ukucacisa isikhundla sonke sezitabane maqondana nabantu abaqondile ngokukhethekile ngomcindezeli / isisulu, omnyama / omhlophe, umngani / isitha, nathi / ngokumelene nathi, ukungashiyi sikhala sokuthola ukungavumelani okuhle, okuyoholela ekuholeni ukubambana, ukungezwani, ukuxabana nokuhlupheka. Babona abantu abaqondile njengezitha zaphakade futhi okuwukuphela kwazo okufanele zilwe ngamazinyo nangezipikili.

• Ngokwengqondo, baqulekile enkathini edlule lapho ukuzizonda kongqingili kwakuyinkinga ngempela, futhi bayenqaba ukuvuma ukuthi manje sibhekene neqoqo lezinkinga ezintsha, ezinye zazo eziphathelene nokuzithanda kwethu ngokweqile. . Bakwenqaba noma yikuphi ukugxekwa komphakathi hhayi kuphela kubantu bangaphandle abathandana nobulili obuhlukile, kodwa nakubantu abayizitabane, besebenzisa amaqhinga afanayo okucindezela: amanga, ukubukela phansi, ukuklabalasa, ukuphika ilungelo lokuphendula, ukubiza amagama, kanye nokusetshenziswa kwemibono ephikisanayo, ukulahla ngokungakhethi kuwo wonke umuntu "izitha" zinezikhwama ezifanayo zezici. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukugxekwa kukhulu noma kuncane, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukugxekwa kuyisitabane noma kuqondile, ukuxilonga, okuyiqhinga elidala elishibhile, kuhlale kufana: ungongqingili! Futhi uma uzonda izitabane, kufanele futhi uzonde abesifazane, abamnyama nabo bonke abanye abancane abacindezelwe.

• Bahlasela iziphathimandla ngendlela efanayo, kakhulu futhi ngokungenangqondo kangangokuba balahlekelwe ilungelo lokuthathwa ngokungathi sína. Zibuye zilume lezo zandla ezizama ukubondla ngaphakathi kwemikhawulo yohlelo, uma zingabaniki imenyu eqondile ababenayo engqondweni.

• Njengomakhi wepayipi we-Hamelny we-radicalism, basiholela ekweqiseni, benqaba izimiso zokuziphatha nezomndeni, banganikeli lutho ngokubuyiselwa, futhi basishiya endaweni yokuhlukaniswa kwabantu nokuziphatha okubi okuvamile. Bayazi ukuthi bachitha kanjani, kepha bangakhi.

• Kumaphephabhuku nasezinganekwaneni bahalalisela, besekela futhi bagqugquzela isimilo esibi samatabane (i-narcissism, i-hedonism, i -isciscuity, ucansi kuma-saunas), bamemukele njenge "ndlela yethu yokuphila", futhi bazame ukuthengisa lolu hlu olungcolile hhayi nje izitabane, kodwa futhi nakubantu abaqondile. ngaphansi kogu "yilokho okushiwo ukuba yisitabane." Banquma indlela yethu yokuphila ngokubheka kwezocansi futhi basiza ukudala umphakathi lapho singalutholi khona uthando, bese bemangala futhi bathukuthele lapho abantu abaqondile besilahla njengezilwane eziphila kuphela ngenxa yezintambo ze-f *.

• Balokotha bakhulumele umphakathi wonke bebe benqabela ilungelo “leningi elithule” lezitabane lokumelwa ngokulinganayo nangokunembile ezincwadini zabo, bevumela “ochwepheshe” abathanda ubulili obuhlukile ukuba basigcobe ngebhulashi elifanayo. Bayasihlaza futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo basidonsela phansi kanye nabo. Basimemezela njengabazizondayo, abakhwabanisi nabazenzisi. Bahlonipha indlela yethu yokuphila ngisho nangaphansi kokuba abantu abaqondile bahloniphe eyabo.

• Bahlikihla yonke imizamo yokwakha ubudlelwano nomphakathi wobulili obuhlukile ngokuthi “usizo” kanye “nokukhashelwa”, bakhetha, kusobala, ukuzwana okuphikisayo ngenxa yabo, njengokungathi kungenzeka baphile ngenjabulo emphakathini esingawudeleli.

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Ukubuyekezwa kwethu kwakususelwa kulokho esikubonile, esikuzwayo, futhi sakufunda ngaphezulu kweminyaka eyishumi nanhlanu. Njengoba sishilo ngenhla, umkhankaso we-PR oyinkimbinkimbi kunazo zonke emhlabeni ngeke ube nomphumela wesikhathi eside esimweni sengqondo sabantu abaqondile kuya izitabane, ngaphandle kokuthi olokugcina lushintshe ngempela. Siyazi ukuthi ukugxeka izitabane akulungile kwipolitiki, nokuthi noma ngubani obuza indlela yethu yokuphila uyisitha. Kepha ithumba liseceleni kwesela, futhi asizukuxolisa ngalokhu kubheda.

Source: After The Ball, isahluko 6

Ngaphezu kwalokho:

Isibonakaliso sobungqingiliAfter The Ball"- Izimfihlo zenkulumo-ze yezitabane

Impilo engokwengqondo nengokomzimba yabantu be-LGBT

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